Relationships: Should you police your mate?
I was listening to Q100’s The Bert Show and they were discussing a couple’s argument: The man is not allowed to watch porn or go to strip clubs, but his wife is all into the racy novel Shades of Gray. (Apparently this book is explicit and sexy and full of naughty naughty things)
The man felt as if there was some kind of double standard at play. If he can’t enjoy adult movies or go to a strip club, why should she get a pass to read explicit content like Shades of Gray? What do you think? Is it the same thing?
I wondered how any woman can forbid or limit her partner’s access to adult movies. Isn’t that a little controlling in the context of a relationship?
Does your partner have a right to control or police your freedom to do what tickles your fancy?
Guys, what would you do if your woman asked/told/ordered you to stay away from certain explicit things? Would you comply? (For the sake of discussion, let’s assume there are no addiction issues involved.)
Happy Friday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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229 comments Add your comment
Bluzgirl
May 18th, 2012
2:14 pm
For Real…you crazy! LOL
I think right now I can keep the emotions separate, but I don’t even want to attempt it. I know that I’m still healing and have more work to do on myself. I just want to get back out there and date…not get in a relationship right away. My previous relationships started out as immediate relationships. I never have really dated around.
I had decided already that if Dr. Brit did meet me next weekend, I wasn’t going to give it up yet. I do like him and want to do this right. Since he’s long distance, I have time to see where it will go. In the meantime, I’m keeping my options open.
I can honestly say after a previous breakup when I was younger, I went buck wild…which is why I decide to stay celibate for a while. I’m not counting the one nighter with the hot army guy, though! That was just for fun and I don’t care that I haven’t heard from him. It was what it was. A girl does have some needs!
Leggs
May 18th, 2012
2:16 pm
That a good one, BF. Dead City GA.
Leggs
May 18th, 2012
2:17 pm
That’s a…
SlimNu - Put me back in coach
May 18th, 2012
2:21 pm
BF – We have a live Contagion situation going on lol Maybe this will be the new Area 151
Blu – A girls does have needs which is why there is a store there for you to take care of those needs…that is unless you’re an old fashion girl who likes to take matters into her own hands.
And question…you said you had decided you weren’t going to give it up yet if yall did meet in SC…um…so that was an actual possibility??? Already to where you had to physically DECIDE that??? Have you ever seen that movie “Something about Mary”? Maybe you need to knock a few out before any dates you have in the near future…that’ll help keep your mind clear lol
Leggs
May 18th, 2012
2:22 pm
I just want to get back out there and date…not get in a relationship right away. – I don’t understand this line of thinking. If that’s the case, then date yourself. If you don’t want to date, then ask someone to be your companion for the evening when you want to go someplace. Dating involves emotions.
Bluzgirl
May 18th, 2012
2:24 pm
Slim…it was a thought because we’d be staying in the same place and probably having drinks. He’s so good looking and I may have given in, but I told myself that I wouldn’t do that with him. I know myself too well! LOL!
Leggs
May 18th, 2012
2:26 pm
@SlimNu ~ girl, girl, from the window to the wall….
Bluzgirl
May 18th, 2012
2:27 pm
Maybe I should say that I want to find interesting men to hang out with? I am open to it turning into more with the right person, but I keep settling too quickly for the wrong person. I’d like to date around to see if there is a good fit at some point in the future. If I find a great guy in the process, then good! It will happen when it’s right and when I’m ready.
disco
May 18th, 2012
2:28 pm
slim and leggs – all I’m going to say is “y’all stop”. lol.
SlimNu - Put me back in coach
May 18th, 2012
2:29 pm
Blu – Um, I don’t know this Mr. Brit but if yall were going to end up hooking up for a weekend trip, then you’d probably turn into the ‘in-town cut buddy’ for him…whenever he needs to getaway, he hits you up for a little rest, relaxation, adult spirits and then a nightly exorc-ism of his wang conducted by you. lol I’d hate to see how his ‘throwup’ would spew from his possessed weenie lmao
Ok to the corner I go
Willie Dynamite
May 18th, 2012
2:31 pm
Mean or not, forgive me but we have a Team Player right here. Wolves don’t care and they don’t stop.
LL411
May 18th, 2012
2:31 pm
I’ll let you go should I ever feel like I need to police you…
Bluzgirl
May 18th, 2012
2:32 pm
Slim…I’m just starting to get to know Dr. Brit and I don’t think he’s that way, but who knows?!?! We seem to have a connection and we haven’t seen each other in person since we met in Feb. I hope to get to see him soon so that we can really see if there is a spark in person. Who knows…if he was coming next weekend, we may find out that we are not compatible at all! I’m interested to see how it will go when we do finally see each other again.
Leggs
May 18th, 2012
2:35 pm
@disco ~ I’m not doing anything. I asked a legitimate question. Not just directed at Bluz to anyone who doesn’t want to date.
SlimNu - Put me back in coach
May 18th, 2012
2:37 pm
Blu – Well, it’s good that you have a positive outlook on the situation. Just keep your goals, needs, wants or whatever in focus. We’re only speaking out of concern because we know the toll your recent break up had on you. Have FUN! (and do know that you can have fun without a dude too lol)
disco
May 18th, 2012
2:37 pm
leggs – I’m going deeper than that. I’m telling y’all to stop with y’all’s thoughts. if we were in the same room you would have recognized that look in my eye that was saying “leave it alone. just let it go.” I may have even thrown in and mmm mmmmph mmmmph.
Leggs
May 18th, 2012
2:42 pm
One last question…how can you say in one post “he may be the one,” then in another say “you may not be compatible.” You should never say “he may be the one” with someone you haven’t spent quality time with.
Wait hold up one freaking minute Leggs!! “Quality” is relative…slow your roll.
Bluzgirl
May 18th, 2012
2:43 pm
Oh yeah…I’ve been having fun without men also. Keeping myself busy and finally starting to enjoy life. It just would be nice to have a nice, good guy to go out with! Thanks Slim…I know ya’ll are speaking out of concern. This is why I’m here…I do sometimes need to be told certain things (even if I don’t like it)! I may get mad at first, but then look back and realize that ya’ll are pretty right on. I think back to when I started on here and the things everyone said about my relationship and how I defended it over and over again and look what happened!
Bluzgirl
May 18th, 2012
2:45 pm
Leggs…I really don’t know if he is the “one”…I just think there’s a possibility of something with him down the road. I’m hopeful about him, but I’m not going to make any final decisions until we spend good quality time together. Just gotta wait and see.
Leggs
May 18th, 2012
2:47 pm
disco ~ I’ve been telling myself to do just that the past 30 mins (lol).
Leggs
May 18th, 2012
2:48 pm
If not longer…
Cool, Bluz. I’m now hanging up my hat, disco!
disco
May 18th, 2012
2:49 pm
bluz – you alright with me. but since we are putting our opinions out there I just don’t see that you have a BS filter. earlier I called some of us blog chicks cynical. what I really meant is we’ve developed a method of seeing through the bull. you still have that happy go lucky Pollyanna type attitude where you hope for the best and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. not necessarily a bad way to be but certain types prey on it. as we’ve said countless times – just be careful.
SlimNu - Put me back in coach
May 18th, 2012
2:51 pm
Okay..not going to beat you up too bad but we are all sometimes stuck in our normal ‘hold patterns’..
You said My previous relationships started out as immediate relationships. I never have really dated around
You have not spent any real deal of time with Mr. Brit yet you say later on down the line he could be a potential candidate for more…if you REALLY want to just have fun, then your mind frame does not need to be on assessing if he’s going to be a long term type guy. You think you’re tricking your mind but it’s not really happening. Hang out without that “Next Relationship Flight” flying in your mind….does that make sense?? You stated it yourself in black and white how it always turns to immediate relationship and now your mind is following the flight plan that you’ve always used. Okay, i’m done with the diagnosis lol
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
May 18th, 2012
2:53 pm
Bluz you can do things that require no one but you or a friend. This weekend alone there’s the Sweet Auburn Fest., Marietta Greek Fest., Decatur Ghost Tour, Concert in Oakland City Cemetary, Cans Film Fest., live music at Atlantic Station,
Bluzgirl
May 18th, 2012
2:54 pm
You’re right Slim. I need to pull back on Dr. Brit just a little bit. It might be part fantasy with him…gorgeous, intelligent man who’s interested in me. I do want to break my previous patterns, so I’ll work on that. Maybe that’s why I want to date around some…so I don’t get all hung up on him…
Bluzgirl
May 18th, 2012
2:56 pm
BF…I forgot about the Oakland Cemetary show…is that tonight or tomorrow?
DreamsMaterialize
May 18th, 2012
2:57 pm
I wasn’t going to give it up yet. I do like him and want to do this right.
Bluz This makes absolutely no sense to me. That’s like my boss saying he’s NOT giving me a promotion because I’m the best employee he has.
For Real
May 18th, 2012
2:58 pm
um, you do know having a BS filter and being cynical are not the same thing?
Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB
May 18th, 2012
3:00 pm
what up blog folks…as for the topic: I wish a mofo would try to tell I can’t go to the Shoe Show, or look at any form of Adult Entertainment….so what else is happenin?
Celisea
May 18th, 2012
3:00 pm
I am caracking up reading. I popped in about 20 minutes ago to “catch up” and I see again Bluz has the floor. Chile I told you, don’t go blabbing everything about yourself on a public forum…lol I’ll say it again, this convo is still going left…whew Lordy. Female
pimpingbaiting is worse than male pimping. Okay that’s a bit strong but umm, yeah.Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
May 18th, 2012
3:01 pm
Tomorrow, with all kinds of bands and entertainers. Funny as it may be I kinda like to hear the bluegrass music sometimes and country. There will be jazz, R&B, as well and hip hop.
Leggs
May 18th, 2012
3:01 pm
I wasn’t going to give it up yet. I do like him and want to do this right. – It’s imperative you ask him if he has a 21 day rule.
Don’t worry bluz, he won’t know what that means.
Celisea
May 18th, 2012
3:02 pm
Oh, Eric talking to the sock on his hand (or something like that)….lol
kimmie
May 18th, 2012
3:03 pm
Celisea – I shut up a long time ago!
Celisea
May 18th, 2012
3:04 pm
Kimmie – LOL…all I can do is SMH and hope for things to move upward
SlimNu - Put me back in coach
May 18th, 2012
3:04 pm
Already folks…have a good weekend, I’m outta here
For Real
May 18th, 2012
3:07 pm
Look Bluz ain’t hurting like she’s protraying herself to be….. She knew her last relationship was doomed 6 months after she met him. She is a poor decision maker that likes to make poor decision because she feeds off of the drama. She will be here in 2 weeks talking about how she doesn’t know how she ended up having sex in Okland Cemetary with Opie Cunningham. In other words, I’m calling BS!
For Real now dancing like Chris Tucker at the end of Money Talks.
Bluzgirl
May 18th, 2012
3:10 pm
No one else was taking the floor…figured I could give you some entertainment for the day again.
i'm swiss
May 18th, 2012
3:10 pm
“it was a thought because we’d be staying in the same place and probably having drinks. He’s so good looking and I may have given in, but I told myself that I wouldn’t do that with him”
See now, Bluz, I can’t even clown on you for this. The only way to overcome one’s weaknesses is to acknowledge them, so I commend you on this one. Plus, those romantic beach settings can be awfully tempting: long walk on the beach in the moonlight, wind in your hair, sand in your toes, the gentle lapping of the waves against
giant clown shoesthe shore…Willie Dynamite
May 18th, 2012
3:11 pm
Black – we knocking you 2 demerits for trying to take food outta wolves mouths. Stop it I say and let the Ladies continue on with there waiting to exhale meeting. Hahaha
kimmie
May 18th, 2012
3:13 pm
4 Real – She’s not hurting at all, she sounds happy to me. A little bummed cause Doc couldn’t make it to the party, but she’s accepted his explaination and is moving on. She enjoyed kissing the clown and she’ll enjoy meeting her friends in Charleston. All is well on her end. I guess I opened the can of worms cause my radar goes up on dudes cancelling early on. If she likes it, I love it!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
May 18th, 2012
3:15 pm
LOL……@WillieD trying to give a little solace, You know she’d be gobbled up in no time flat. Allright let me take this sheep skin off……LOL
For Real
May 18th, 2012
3:22 pm
Whose drinking after work today?
Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB
May 18th, 2012
3:23 pm
I was just poppin in, got to do a training class….Bluz-give that thang to whoever you feel like givin it to, Blog ladies, quit throwing all that salt, she grown..
WillieD-keep everyone in check
Here is my donation, $100
Swiss-you are crazy
Good People-enjoy your weekend, and since it isn’t quit summer yet, I will say it again.
ITS SPRING, GET SPRUNG!!!!
Eric
May 18th, 2012
3:29 pm
Nope not talking to a sock puppet on my hand, I have my blog mates for that. But with my girl, my hand has gotten plenty of action. All she does is bitch about what I don’t do, while keeping me from doing anything I want. Hell, maybe a little cutie sock puppet would be a better companion, guaranteed to get some action from her…LOL.
Eric
May 18th, 2012
3:30 pm
The word for the day is LEGGS…let’s spread the word.
Celisea
May 18th, 2012
3:34 pm
Eric – I love you man….I wasn’t making light. I was just saying what tickled my funny bone. That last comment was classic…lol
SexyCool
May 18th, 2012
3:36 pm
Dating around ain’t all it’s cracked up to be…at least for me it wasn’t.
Leggs
May 18th, 2012
3:41 pm
The other words for the day is FUGG U, ERIC!
Leggs
May 18th, 2012
3:43 pm
Eric, I see you don’t come on bytching when others monopolize this blog and IM. You don’ care for me, cool. You’re not the only one!