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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Lucky in love?

There are some people who seem to have it so easy in their love lives. They always seem to have a date and they are pretty resilient to dating disappointments. So are some people lucky in love while others are unlucky?

Why do you think some individuals have better results at dating? Listen, I am the first to admit that dating can often be weird, awkward, and frustrating. It’s not that way for everyone, though!

Is there such a thing as lucky or unlucky in love?

Do you believe that you have been lucky? Have you managed to avoid major injury on the dating scene?

127 comments Add your comment

Lily

May 14th, 2012
6:42 am

Diva, frankly I think the younger you are the bigger the dating pool. While at the same time people are marrying much later in life or the recycling (i.e. divorcees) occurs much more often. Having said that, opportunities are more available to the not so young crowd. I don’t consider myself unlucky. Rather, I’m ultra selective and have zero tolerance for BS. That in and of itself will deplete opportunities. So with that being said you can find dates as easily as looking out if a window and spoting a tree (lol). From my perspective, unlucky at dates, not at all. Quality people is another conversation. Currently though I have what you’d call a keeper! I CANNOT complain :)

Leggs

May 14th, 2012
8:52 am

Good morning.

I wouldn’t necessarily feel dating has anything to do with luck. I believe you have to align yourself with the type of people you want to date. Meaning, you have to meet them on their playing field. Having a date start out simply by pure happenstance is rare, J/K.

I like to think I am resilient when it comes to dating. You have to be. Dating is a sport and some you win and some you lose, it’s that simple for me.

Leggs

May 14th, 2012
8:52 am

Morning Lily.

SlimNu

May 14th, 2012
8:54 am

Good morning,

Topic? Um…lucky…unlucky…either way, they’re all experiences. I wouldn’t say that I’m sooo unlucky in love nor would I call it lucky because i’m still out here trying like everyone else. If I had to sit down and think about it, I could list postive & negative things about each situation. What I will say is that I gave what I could and dealt with each relationship the best way I knew howa the time. So if the relationship came to an end, then I feel secure in knowing I at least gave it a grand ole SlimOne try…in some cases I probably let it linger on too long before walking away.

disco

May 14th, 2012
9:07 am

good morning. lily – I love the look out the window and spot a tree. needed an early morning giggle. leggs – sport dating tickled me as well. you can imagine the players getting all suited up before the big game. getting their protective gear on. lol. as we mature and get better at taming/masking that green eyed monster I guess many of us have let go of the notion that so and so is lucky because they have something that we don’t. we understand that sometimes you get out what you put in and sometimes you don’t. we understand that life is not fair.

DreamsMaterialize

May 14th, 2012
9:16 am

I’m not really sure what the topic is about. What does it mean to be “lucky” in love? Lots of dates? Great relationships (which can’t be entirely true if you’re still looking)? You’ve found The One to spend the rest of your life with? No drama? I can say though that those who always “seem to have it so easy in their love lives.” or who are “pretty resilient to dating disappointments.” probably are quite as immune as you think. Their challenges just may not be in plain sight to you. With that said, my life is good, dating included. I take the ups and downs for what they are, learn what I can from them, and keep moving. Not sure if I’m lucky or not, but I am thankful.

abc

May 14th, 2012
9:30 am

There’s a lot of luck involved, but you improve your chances by putting yourself where the good ones are. You can’t catch a marlin if you fish in a creek — or a mud puddle. All you get from the holding pond is sludge.

The good ones aren’t in nightclubs; they’re not even necessarily at church. They’re volunteering for worthwhile causes, in orgs and clubs that represent and enhance their interests, etc. etc. Have some interests, pursue them, and chances are actually pretty good you’ll meet someone with whom to share them.

In that way you can make your own luck, although there’s still a lot of pure luck involved.

disco

May 14th, 2012
9:48 am

abc – I swear I’m not trying to be contrary (though generally I’m a fairly contrary person). still, the whole “where to find a good one” thing got my attention. I thought if a soul knew where to find the good ones they could make a lot of money with the information. not knocking the volunteer group and all but when I think volunteers I also think community service hours or folks who get into volunteering in hopes of meeting someone. a lot of folks won’t admit their motives but I know people who go to the gym or church or book club or wherever more in hopes of meeting someone than in working out/praising/discussing literature. I repeat last week’s mantra – it’s a jungle out there.

Mr. Unknown

May 14th, 2012
9:49 am

Why do you think some individuals have better results at dating? Their sparkling personality…

“I am the first to admit that dating can often be weird, awkward, and frustrating.” Frustrating maybe but weird and awkward not since the younger days. Glad to see I’m not the only one dragging my jacket this morning

SlimNu

May 14th, 2012
9:50 am

How was everyone’s weekend? I see I brought the rain back with me from Alabama. It rained the whoooole weekend there.

Leggs

May 14th, 2012
9:53 am

Well, SlimNu, my flowers and grass needs the rain, so thank you. I don’t have to use my own water for the moment. :wink:

@disco ~ I always look for my morning laugh. Whatcha got for me in return. :wink:

Mr. Unknown

May 14th, 2012
9:58 am

Happy Belated Mothers Day to everyone!! Mommas day was good, traveled to the sticks. It was the first Mothers day without Grandma but my moms took it in stride. Good food, good laughter, gained 6 pounds on Pound cake alone.

disco

May 14th, 2012
10:01 am

leggs – I gots no Monday morning funnies. I think I messed up listening to tupac and 50 cent on the drive in. it sounded good in the car but now I’m at work feeling all thugged out. not a good combination.

slim – the highlight of my weekend was the 7up cake I baked yesterday morning. I knew it was going to be about it when I went to the store late Saturday night just to buy 7up.

Leggs

May 14th, 2012
10:04 am

“…now I’m at work feeling all thugged out. not a good combination.” – What’s good about humor is you never know what makes a person laugh. I laughed at this because I can see you walking around the office all militant like bossing people around with just a glare (lol).

Dances with Cougars

May 14th, 2012
10:17 am

No matter how carefully you try to filter potential companions based on their attributes, there is no beating Divine Intervention to keep the nutjobs away.

SlimNu

May 14th, 2012
10:21 am

I can picture disco walking in the office with a mean-mugg look on her face lol

kimmie

May 14th, 2012
10:22 am

Morning Gang!

I had a quite lovely Mother’s Day yesterday! I am SO GLAD we decided to hit Copeland’s brunch the minute it opened at 9 instead of 10 like it normally runs. When we left after an enjoyable brunch – well lets just say maybe the fire marshall needed to be called! I know the wait had to be at least 2 hours! No way!

On topic – I thing there is quite a bit of luck involved in dating and finding love. I’ve seen people do all the “supposedly” wrong things and find love at the drop of a hat. These women find NICE men that sweep them off their feet and MARRY them! Certain men the same – complete losers find the nicest, most beautiful wives. This is all from the outside looking in, and it makes you wonder sometimes.

Then you have the folks that, again from the outside looking in, appear to have everything going for them and can’t find a suitable mate, much less a date, to save their lives.

Life just is not fair. The quicker you accept that and realize that sometimes you really do have to “make” your own luck, you will become a lot more resilient to disappointments in love. It’s not good to beat yourself up when things don’t work out the way you want, but it’s also counter-productive to feel ENTITLED as well. Your mess stinks just like everyone elses. Somebody just chose to put up with someone else’s ish and not yours.

i'm swiss

May 14th, 2012
10:29 am

“when I think volunteers I also think community service hours”

:lol: :lol: disco — Thanks, I needed that laugh to wake my sleepy azz up…

Where’s For Real? I know it’s early, but there has got to be a skit in that somewhere…

kimmie

May 14th, 2012
10:33 am

That volunteers/community service hours IS funny!! LOL!!

disco

May 14th, 2012
10:36 am

Swiss/kimmie – I sometimes wonder if I’m giving the wrong impression on here. Still, I can’t be the only one who knows folks who only “volunteer” as a condition of their probation/parole.

kimmie

May 14th, 2012
10:43 am

disco – I think it’s brilliant actually! It’s not lost on me at all, but for some it might be! I know a lot of boughie folks that volunteer to be “seen”. I also know some folks that have had to do their community service hours at theses SAME places where the boughie folks are vounteering! It’s hilarious, cause a lot of times they are “one in the same” – didn’t think I knew they HAD to do some of that “volunteering” cause it’s “court-ordered”!!!

Mike P

May 14th, 2012
10:50 am

No luck involved here:

People need to accept the following:

men are visual, sex driven – to attract a man, you gotta have the physical attributes he’s looking for.
if you are a fatty, look for guys that are into fat chicks – stop trying to convince a brother how good of a woman you are.

women are emotional driven – to attract a woman, you gotta BE the man she’s looking for, she has to “feel” that you are the right man for her.
If you are soft dude, find a woman who likes to be in control – stop trying to convince a sister to ignore her natural tendencies and feelings just to get with you.

czBrat

May 14th, 2012
10:58 am

HiYas!

mother’s day plans got rained out. just as well because i had a LOVELY time vegged on my sofa with thing 1, thing 2 and the furry kiddies. i’m blessed!

lucky? the more i hear and read about dating escapades, the more i believe i have indeed been lucky in dating and in luv. i had one bf in jhs and one in hs; each lasted over a year and treated me remarkably well. it all came down to putting out. that’s where i’d eventually lose them. but i was ok with that. the splits weren’t mean or messy.

then i married my hs sweetheart after dating for almost five years.
i’ve dated three men since my divorce; each relationship running about three years and ending amicably.
well, this third one is going to “end” in marriage. :grin:

through all that, i can recall only one one-time dinner date with a dude that i never spoke to again. but i knew going in that i wasn’t interested in him, so again, i wouldn’t call that an unlucky dating experience. i recall having silent crushes on guys in school, only to find out years later that they were crushing on me too. was it “unlucky” that we didn’t act on it? i don’t think so. i kinda liked having the heartrush from a distance. better than heartbreak, no?

anywho, i think it’s actually fear that saved me from some of the dating nonsense. i shunned any and every guy that seemed “questionable” on approach. i probably shooed some real keepers, but oh well. didn’t feel right at the time, and i wasn’t into taking chances.

but i look at it this way, my ex ended up making my life so damn miserable that surely i EARNED my good luck!

Shaunie

May 14th, 2012
11:00 am

Is there such a thing as lucky or unlucky in love?

I don’t think its a matter of luck but belief. I believe that what and who is ment for me is for me, so therefore, I don’t stalk,trip or sulk about a dude that was not supposed to be in the picture. Some dates have turned into good friends, some fell off and some have tried to turn our encounter into a booty call…lol (empasis on tried) but when you move with your own set of rules, you can’t be mad at how anything turns out. imo :)

disco

May 14th, 2012
11:02 am

thanks kimmie. lol. sometimes I worry that it’s just me.

mike p – tell it like it T – I- is. I think I touched on some of that when we talked about dating being competitive. I said that I only try to date in my lane. no point in trying to get the ones that aren’t even checking for you. walking around like a grown A steve urkel thinking you are wearing somebody down.

czBrat

May 14th, 2012
11:07 am

kimmie, i didn’t even realize there was a difference between volunteering and community service until my son got himself into trouble a couple years ago. that’s when i noticed that folks who are not there by choice have to hang around and get paperwork signed.
now i’m so aware whenever i VOLUNTEER ( :lol: ) somewhere not to look at people funny if they are clearly waiting patiently for the place to empty so they can line up for signatures.

czBrat

May 14th, 2012
11:17 am

just whoa! @ mike’s 10:50.
luv it!!

Albert

May 14th, 2012
11:19 am

I believe there is luck involved in dating. When I finally got my first real girlfriend (many years ago now), I hadn’t changed my tactics; I just happened to go out with someone who was more receptive than the others.

DreamsMaterialize

May 14th, 2012
11:23 am

we understand that life is not fair.
disco, kimmie My mom told us this whenever we complained about something not being fair. I consider it one of the most important and useful lessons my mom ever taught me. Once you can accept that life isn’t fair, then it can’t hold you back.

that’s when i noticed that folks who are not there by choice have to hang around and get paperwork signed.
czBrat I remember taking a class in high school that required us to do a certain number of hours of community service, and we had to get a form signed at the end of each one. I wonder if I got grouped with the probation bunch. lol

Leggs

May 14th, 2012
11:24 am

And you didn’t lead with your wallet, right Albert? Good.

Exactly, Shaunie. I just told a neighbor that exact thing last night.

kimmie

May 14th, 2012
11:27 am

Mike P – Hey there! For the most part I agree with your post – in essence “date in your lane” like Disco said.

But some of the “odd” couples I see hooked up I wonder, which is what I kind of eluded to in my first post. Pretty doesn’t just hook up with pretty. You are right, folks need to go after those that are interested in what they are selling. And if you have to “convince” someone you are a good woman or man, you’ve already lost coming out of the gate.

abc

May 14th, 2012
11:32 am

That’s funny — but I’m not talking about the kind of volunteering that permits things like folks on probation or the road gang. I’m talking about IT outreach, medical/hospital volunteers, working with disabled children, stuff like that. Looking for a nerd, med tech/doctor, do you have interests along those same lines? How about joining Toastmasters and meeting some executives that are honing their presentation skills — do you have interests like that? Maybe you’re into mountain biking, kayaking; maybe you’re into cooking; maybe art, maybe music, you get the drift, right?

You won’t meet them at the store, at the gym, at church, volunteering at Good Will or the homeless shelter, nor at the club. That’s what I’m talking about in terms of casting your line at the body of water that holds the fish you seek.

kimmie

May 14th, 2012
11:33 am

I wonder if I got grouped with the probation bunch. lol

Dreams – That reminds me of something that happened when I was around 13 years old. My parents went on vacation and my aunt stayed in the house to look after me & my siblings. I got very sick and my aunt suspected I might have pnumonia. My pediatrician was out of town as well, so my aunt took me to the only doc she knew – an ob/gyn. I remember us being in the waiting room where there was nothing but pregnant women. I was so, so sick I could barely keep my head up. But I remember wondering if all those pregnant women were wondering if I was a pregnant teen! I felt like yelling out to all of them “Just so you know, I’m NOT pregnant”!!

kimmie

May 14th, 2012
11:40 am

abc – Totally agree with your 11:32. You actually meet the greatest, most interesting people at the places mentioned in your 1st paragraph.

Let everyone else fight for those few fish in the ponds mentioned in your 2nd paragraph!

CobbGOPer

May 14th, 2012
11:41 am

I have a feeling the people that would qualify as ‘lucky’ in love are probably also going to score pretty well on the attractiveness scale. The rest of us sixes, fives, and lower probably have a harder time, no?

Mike P

May 14th, 2012
11:41 am

Oh!! I forgot to mention, “Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there!”

Good Morning Everyone

Leggs

May 14th, 2012
11:42 am

@Dreams ~ just being a black male, I would say “PROBABLY!”

Leggs

May 14th, 2012
11:47 am

Thanks MikeP!

czBrat

May 14th, 2012
11:52 am

You won’t meet them at the store, at the gym, at church, volunteering at Good Will or the homeless shelter, nor at the club.
hey! i frequent some of these places.
whether as a patron or volunteer. we are not the dregs of humanity.

lmao @ kimmie & dreams. now y’all got me flipping through memory file cards to see if i’ve ever been in a spot where i didn’t belong. i can share this though, just this weekend a friend tagged me in a couple of pics when i was around 17. in each shot i was holding the same little baby girl. it bothered me sooo much that i might be mistaken for a teen mom that i actually posted on one pic “dang i’m so ashamed i can’t remember that child’s last name”.
which is entirely true, but my REASON for making the comment was purely self-serving. :oops:

kimmie

May 14th, 2012
11:53 am

Brat – LOL!!!

You don't say...........

May 14th, 2012
11:56 am

@MikeP: You and others should worry more so about a well put together person. The lane for that is nonexistant. Plenty of happily paired mix-matched couples. She’s extremely attractive and he’s not or he’s extremely attractive and she’s not. I would say they traveled the intelligent lane in seeking their desired mate. In finding love, it refutes the ignorance that there’s a lane for attractive versus unattractive, skinny versus fat, etc. How many disppointed people are there today heading for divorce because he or she stopped with physical attraction and married? Unfaithful, untamed, zero brain cells, to list a few. Arm candy is great. Just be certain if you join together, there’s more to the sticky. If you plan to marry and stay married, I would then suggest you dig deeper in your hunt.

Aren’t you the one that count and track your dating dollars, scared to spend or is that MDot? That’s what happen when you date entitled people.

Disclaimer: Anyone under the age of 30 SHOULD NOT be allowed to give out advice.

Leggs

May 14th, 2012
11:57 am

:lol: :lol: I understand the disclaimer and very cleverly put.

Leggs

May 14th, 2012
12:00 pm

Random – these are the sweetest grapes ever!

abc

May 14th, 2012
12:02 pm

I spend plenty of time at the store, gym, church, Good Will and shelters too — and some of the folks I know there think they’ll meet the one at those places — but they won’t. Those are the ones that turn to online dating, also a venue unlikely to get positive results. I suppose some folks do fine that way, especially because they don’t really meet new possibilities any other way.

disco

May 14th, 2012
12:09 pm

okay. just for kicks. everyone please state where you met your most recent significant other. I’ll go first. met my most recent at a slavery reenactment at an SC plantation. (I’m hoping I win the vote for most creative locale. lol).

For Real

May 14th, 2012
12:10 pm

What up Blog Fam!

Where you fish doesn’t mean ish if you are a poor decision maker and no, luck has nothing to do with poor decisions. Some people will find Kiki with 4 kids by 5 dudes or Raequan with 2 kids by 3 chicks at an event for single and childless people.

If you know who you are then you will know what kind of mate you want and they can be found anywhere including the gym, at church, volunteering at Good Will or the homeless shelter, or at the club.

For Real

May 14th, 2012
12:12 pm

Disco: Depends on who was the slave and who was the master?

czBrat

May 14th, 2012
12:13 pm

*as i blithely pluck the knife outta my chest* um. yeah. i don’t go ANYWHERE thinking i’ll meet “the one”. i go to these places cuz i got things to do there.
online? yeah. that was all about having fun and meeting new people. kinda like blogging.
i guess i’m the anomaly; the good catch that found a good catch in cyberspace. :)

For Real

May 14th, 2012
12:16 pm

abc: “and some of the folks I know there think they’ll meet the one at those places” – Don’t you think this is their problem moreso than the places? Again, poor decision making if you believe you can go to any location and you will “meet the one”.

abc

May 14th, 2012
12:21 pm

I tried the online thing, stayed with one of them for 5-6 months. She was kinda psycho, but sometimes pleasant company. All the rest, maybe 10 or so, were busts. Slavery re-enactment, that sounds interesting… I study history a fair amount. Otherwise, I’ve met chicks of interest in theater productions I was in, orchestras I played in, college, high school, volunteering with disabled kids, attending professional events; all the rest, more than I care to admit, were party girls met on the town. Bam ma’am.

I suppose if the night life and party scene is your thing, you could meet someone of genuine interest like that. Shelters, habitat, stuff I do through church, I’ve always considered akin to avoidance of chicks at work: I just don’t go there.