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How do you handle temptation?

When you are in a relationship and you happen to hit a rough patch, it suddenly becomes easier to get distracted by other people. That harmless flirting starts to become a little more than flirting. The next thing you know, you are being tempted to get attention from someone other than you significant other.

It’s natural and normal to be attracted to other people when you are unavailable. It is how you handle it that makes or breaks a relationship. Some people use it as an excuse to get more attention they are missing. I think a lot of people are not prepared to deal with temptation because they didn’t expect to be tempted.

What do you do when you are involved with someone but you find yourself attracted to someone else? Does it mean you should break up and explore things with the new object of your desire?

When you are in a dating relationship, is it tough to stay focused on one person and build a relationship when you are tempted by other options?

P.S. Happy Mother’s Day!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

264 comments Add your comment

Lily

May 11th, 2012
7:06 am

Yes you can become “distracted” or have “distracted” people become interested in you. What do you? Stay mindful of the bigger mess that will become of it and do the right thing. I’ve been on both sides and neither position is a fun place to be. Check yourself and work through what you’re currently committed to or sever completely before moving on. No matter how fun and good it feels having a diversion from say your current troubles you always owe to all involved for keeping honest. If not, we all can attest to how this story will likely end. Hurt feelings, anger and resentment.

Good day!

Lady~interesting.........

May 11th, 2012
8:13 am

Fantastic Friday!!!! Great topic and Lily great post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

Seen it Before

May 11th, 2012
8:30 am

My ex-wife would advise that you should act as selfish and self-indulgent as possible. Just go for it. You only live once. You are special. The normal rules don’t apply to you. You deserve an extra slice just because you are so fabulous! Right?

If your (in)significant other trusts you and believes your BS, they shouldn’t complain because they have enjoyed the pleasure of your company – which is a reward itself. They will get over it, eventually.

Ummmm

May 11th, 2012
8:37 am

Opportunity knocks only once or twice, but Temptation just sits on the doorbell!

RealBlonde

May 11th, 2012
8:38 am

I think we all struggle with this one. Given that my sweetie travels a great deal this is something that happens to us. I try hard to remember and ask myself would this “dally” be truly worth it. Worth the pain, risk of damage to what I have. If I get bored or distracted, I go to the gym, go out with girlfriends, work in the yard for six hours., etc. That always redirects my attention to what is important: keeping what I have with my wonderful man.

Angie's World

May 11th, 2012
8:38 am

The problem with resisting temptation is that it might not come around again.

Drapes match the carpet

May 11th, 2012
8:40 am

If nobody took any pictures, then it never happened.

SlimNu

May 11th, 2012
8:47 am

Jill T

May 11th, 2012
8:55 am

My husband and I have an open marriage and that relieves any temptation on both parts. We have an understanding that we can introduce a “friend” to each other and if we get the approval, then the fun begins. Monogamy is not natural, I don’t care what any of you say. I still love my husband and he loves me. We both understand that it’s just physical and neither one of us can fill that “fantasy” role forever. It keeps our relationship fresh so we can concentrate on what keeps us together, mutual interests, personality and care. Sex is just sex. It’s physical, fun, feels incredible and we both love it. You can have your trapped, boring, monotonous relationships that involves lying. We are up front and know that we will always wind up together after the fantasy world is over.

justme

May 11th, 2012
9:02 am

@ Jill T

Best of luck at the clinic!

Master of My Domain (Usually)

May 11th, 2012
9:06 am

I usually handle my temptation with lots of soap & water in the shower or perhaps some lotion while relaxing on my bed.

Leggs

May 11th, 2012
9:07 am

Good morning, good morning.

Stay mindful of the bigger mess that will become of it and do the right thing.

Lily said it best right out the gate. If more were mindful and RESPECTFUL of the relationship and of the person, temptation can be kept at bay. But no, so many effing greedy people in the world!!!

Leggs

May 11th, 2012
9:08 am

@jusme ~ tks for the laugh.

DreamsMaterialize

May 11th, 2012
9:11 am

Stay single and this will be a non-issue. haha

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 11th, 2012
9:12 am

Happy Mothers Day to you wonderful mothers, step mothers, single mothers, mothers to be. Lady’s with no children you are still a mother in my world. For people who lost their mother, remember she is home waiting for you.

Good Morning:

SlimNu

May 11th, 2012
9:12 am

A married guy friend of mine told me that him and his wife have very open lines of communication. Whenever he feels a strong urge to want to fugg someone else, he talks to his wife about it. That tends to let some air of his tires as far as wanting to act on that desire. When it comes to cheating, for some, it really is the thrill of doing something you probably shouldn’t be doing…the secrecy, the chance of getting caught blah blah blah…so he says by talking about it, it sort of takes part of that thrill & excitement away. I’m not sure how long that process will be effective but thought I’d just throw it out there.

Leggs

May 11th, 2012
9:17 am

Thank you, BF.

@DreamsM ~ so are you saying don’t marry and don’t date cuz while dating, you’re still single!!

abc

May 11th, 2012
9:21 am

Control your libido, lest it comes to control you. It speaks of personal weakness and lack of trustworthiness.

Button

May 11th, 2012
9:24 am

Lily – like

Button

May 11th, 2012
9:27 am

Temptation is all around us–hense “lead us not into temptation”
Some are weak and some are strong.
I flirt but I know how far to go with it. It’s especially tough when things are going so well in the datlationship either. That’s when I’m most tempted.

SlimNu

May 11th, 2012
9:27 am

Thanks BF (I’m not an actual mother but I am a co-parent/Auntie to my busy body of a 3yr old niece) :-D

I think the more you play and toy with the idea of messing around in your mind, the easier it becomes to actually act on it. The mind is a powerful entity that can have you justifying all types of behavior with some sort of bogus excuse/reason.

Details: My SO has not been giving me any affection. He seems to be a little standoffish and I’m not feeling loved or not getting attention that I need…my love meter is low

Mind: Well, he’s not giving you what you need right? You’ve told him how you feel and he is basically pushing you into that fione ass UPS man’s arms. At least HE tells you how cute you are every day when he comes to deliver. So, one man’s trash is another mans piece of ass…ooops I meant treasure.

Details: My baby has a rocking body and she’s cool but we have been together for a while. The sex is sort of routine even though it helps to know how to get each

Mind: You been with your girl for a while and you’ve been a good guy…you haven’t really done too much to fugg up and who wouldnt mind some new puddy errrrrrr now and then. I know that Asian chick down the hallway wanna get somma this just by the way she be switching that ass by my office. Come to think of it, I haven’t hit an Asian chick yet…only live once right?

Button

May 11th, 2012
9:27 am

Meant: going not so well……

SlimNu

May 11th, 2012
9:32 am

An idle mind…..

n

May 11th, 2012
9:33 am

Do not let go of a current sweetie until the new sweetie is available. Look how bad it would be to rise to the bait of a new prospect and the current friend lets go and moves on and the new sweetie pie moves on also. It is even worse when it is a church setting when the congreagation can see the whole episode unfolding. Even praying has its limits. So much for that, if I were President I could raffle off myself for a date.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 11th, 2012
9:34 am

Temptation is associated with weakness, we have the trait. Like a bad habit we need to know and learn how to contain it.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 11th, 2012
9:40 am

Slim1 that’s what I’m talking about, Auntie/Mom.

SlimNu

May 11th, 2012
9:42 am

It’s all a gamble…taking a chance to see if the bird in the hand is really not worth the two in the bush.

Seen it Before

May 11th, 2012
9:51 am

I hooked up with Lily once. The crabs I got from her were so big, I could see their cold sores.

kimmie

May 11th, 2012
9:59 am

Morning All this lovely Friday!!

I’m really feeling BF’s posts this morning, all of them!

Just consider what you have to lose by acting on a temptation. Not talking just immediate stuff, but the entire picture. Even if you are not married or living with the person you would be cheating on, would you want to risk hurting and/or losing that person?

A big thing that would tear me up if I ever did something so stupid to my spouse is the loss of respect in his eyes and his children. He’s a decent human being, a genuinely good person. He’s never done anything to hurt me. Before I did something to hurt him and the kids I would go ahead and leave him.

Really though, one of yall come find me and shoot me if I did something so stupid! Cause I can’t imagine any dude out here that’s even half the man that would tempt me.

SlimNu

May 11th, 2012
10:03 am

awwww kimmie, how sweet

Slim now walks away to throw up a lil in her mouth lol

disco

May 11th, 2012
10:08 am

good morning y’all. I’ve been sitting around lurking attempting to patiently wait for a topic change. I’m single and contemplating putting a sign around my neck that says “tempt me”.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

May 11th, 2012
10:09 am

As my patnah Devin the Dude said it, “Don’t be messin over yo fo sho puddy trying to get some mo Puddayy, you end up with, no puddayy”

kimmie

May 11th, 2012
10:15 am

disco – I’ve over here cracking up at your visual with the sign around your neck!LOL!!

SlimNu

May 11th, 2012
10:16 am

Jake – I haven’t some Devin the Dude in a minute but that dude is hi lar ious lol

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

May 11th, 2012
10:20 am

He was in concert here about a month ago in East Atlanta, the place was smoked out, they was passin it from the stage to the crowd, doing all the classics, real live show!!!!

SlimNu

May 11th, 2012
10:23 am

haven’t Heard – typo

Jake – That boy is a walking advertisement for herb lol

Sassy Me...all SMILES :-)

May 11th, 2012
10:25 am

MORNTING ALL :mrgreen:

It’s all choices..temptation will come and go but it’s how we chooose to handle it that determines the outcome. Boundaries exist for a reason and one must know that when you cross them, there WILL be consequences and repurcussions..might be today or years from now but it’ll all come to the light eventually.

disco

May 11th, 2012
10:25 am

kimmie – don’t laugh at me. told y’all the other day it’s a jungle out there.

so, the other day we discussed date or no date. I asked a guy to go to a movie with me last night (in the darkness, holocaust film with subtitles. movie was good). anyway, the plan was to meet there, grab a bite, catch the flick. he was late because he went to my house first to pick me up (duh – not the plan) and then had the nerve to ask me – all in public mind you – if he should have onions (translation: should he expect a kiss). in this guy’s mind he was on a date with me. in my mind, I was just asking the fellow to watch a daggone movie.

i'm swiss

May 11th, 2012
10:32 am

Slim — Did you just say you had 2 in the bush & 1 in the hand? Sounds like a party. :lol:

What? Too early?

Morning, folks!

SlimNu

May 11th, 2012
10:34 am

disco – Guess you need to more clear in the future..he was probably excited at the invite that he didn’t have to initiate

i'm swiss

May 11th, 2012
10:36 am

disco — In dude’s defense, I think pretty much all of us would assume that if we were being forced to sit through a foreign film with subtitles, it d@mn well better be a date. Just saying… :lol:

czBrat

May 11th, 2012
10:37 am

these phones are way too f*cking busy for a friday!!! :mad:

HiYas. think i’ll do some catching up before i jump in.

SlimNu

May 11th, 2012
10:39 am

swiss – I can’t believe i’m saying this but of course it isn’t too early…It’s Freaky Friday

i'm swiss

May 11th, 2012
10:40 am

Yeah, you’re right, Slim. It’s never too early for a g@ng b@ng reference on Freaky Friday. :lol:

SlimNu

May 11th, 2012
10:46 am

swiss – Well now, the phrase g@ng b@ng my be a bit harsh before noon so we’ll just call it Team Adult Sports ;-)

disco

May 11th, 2012
10:47 am

slim – that was my point the other day. guy asks me out I ask “is this a date”.

swiss – lol. those foreign/indy films are usually a hard sell but I’m hooked. (oh and he wasn’t “forced”. I asked, he was free to say no he wasn’t interested).

kimmie

May 11th, 2012
10:47 am

disco – I’m sorry for laughing but the visual is too much. I still see you as Pam Grier, so picturing her with the sign is funny. But I don’t have amnesia at all, I know it’s rough out there. That’s why I can’t see anyone really tempting me to step out in it anymore.

With some men, any attention at all from a woman is a sign she’s interested in more than just being friendly. You actually invited dude out? He feels like he hit the jackpot!

Sassy Me...Sun Kissed :-)

May 11th, 2012
10:50 am

of course it isn’t too early…It’s Freaky Friday

It sho ain’t…I’m feeling some kinda way,too, so let’s run it ;-)

i'm swiss

May 11th, 2012
10:50 am

Wait, what’s the actual topic? Oh, right, temptation.

The first step in dealing with temptation is to admit you have a problem. I have the hottest wife on the planet, but I’m still not immune to temptation. But because I know this, I can take steps to avoid situations where temptation and opportunity are too much aligned.

Sassy Me...Sun Kissed :-)

May 11th, 2012
10:52 am

You actually invited dude out? He feels like he hit the jackpot!

Yeah so in his mind, it was a date…hence the lame question about if he should have onions…