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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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How do you handle skeletons?

We all have done things we are not proud of..at all. The romantic crimes we committed, those bad decisions, or the shady behavior can sometimes come back to haunt us later. Do you think it is better to cop to it and let the truth about your past come out?

When you are dating someone new, do you usually share the good and not so good – in order to give a true, honest assessment of your character?

Do you want to know as much as possible- skeletons included- or do you prefer to operate on a need to know basis?

Has someone shared their past with you and it led to a break up?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures In Atlanta Dating Blog

256 comments Add your comment

Lily

May 1st, 2012
7:18 am

DIVA, skeletons what are those? Live your life so you don’t have to worry about the boogie man in the closet. Whatever is in my past is nothing I can’t reveal. Nothing nowhere near perfect but nothing I can’t divulge. Frankly I don’t care much about people’s past.

Troy of Troy

May 1st, 2012
7:23 am

I handle skeletons in the closet the same way I handle women who have broken up with or divorced “ON THE DOWN LOW” men:

With LATEX !!!!!

single and happy

May 1st, 2012
7:42 am

The past is just that, the past, Unless it’s something that affects me or mine I don’t need to know, and if it doesn’t affect you or yours I don’t need to tell you. IE if one of us is divorced then we need to show some divorce papers. But I don’t need to know everything that went on between you and your ex!! If you listen to what their actions are telling you, everything will be revealed.

SlimNu

May 1st, 2012
8:32 am

Good morning,

I don’t have much hanging out in my closet so i’m pretty open about my past. I’m sure when dating, some things would need to be brought out in the open depending on what they are. However, some things just don’t need to be brought back from the dead. I’m sure you all have seen Pet Cemetary and that damn cat (I believe his name was Sage??) was never the same after he was brought back to life.

Row 125, Seat 11B

May 1st, 2012
8:50 am

I have a long and sometimes complicated dating history, none of which I am ashamed of…None of which I am willing to go into great detail about. Its not that I have anything to hide, but the number and stories of my past would make a great HBO movie, but they are not at all relevant to my dating life moving forward…….

Leggs

May 1st, 2012
9:01 am

Morning.

My skeletons are where they need to be, buried. No need to bring them all up. No purpose in that. We all have them, hopefully we’ve grown because of them. Sure, we can discuss our past, however, we probably won’t be discussing everything.

czBrat

May 1st, 2012
9:17 am

whoa! first of all, everything in due time. you’ll get to know quite a bit about me (and hopefully i about you) at the onset, but the deeper, darker stuff comes when our confidence is at THAT level.

i do want to know about your past because if you’re a convicted rapist it may not matter to me that you’re “reformed” now. that’s something i need to know so i can make a well informed decision to be with you or not. also, ain’t nothing like having said skeletons reveal themselves unexpectedly. :shock: one thing i always told my ex is ‘let me hear it from YOU’.

leggs – We all have them
amen!

MissMoni

May 1st, 2012
9:19 am

GOOD Morning All! :-)

Skeletons represent the past and we definitely can’t and shouldn’t relive that in every relationship. As Single & Happy stated earlier, “Unless it’s something that affects me or mine I don’t need to know, and if it doesn’t affect you or yours I don’t need to tell you.” With that being said, I CLEARLY need to know if the man I’m considering dating is or was one of the following:

1) Child Molester
2) Ax Murderer
3) Drug Addict
4) Cleptomaniac

Feel free to add to the list.

MissMoni

May 1st, 2012
9:21 am

@czBrat: You hit the nail on the head. I definitely want to hear it from you.

Mike P

May 1st, 2012
9:26 am

Come on, let’s be real here; if a brother had some trouble in his past that still haunts him so today, even when he is now completely remorseful and all the better and wiser for it, it would be a deal breaker for most of you, be truthful.

1). chris browning a chick when he was a hot headed 18 yr old.
2). financial immaturity from the past; causes him pain today.
3). criminal record, false accusations from a crazy chick; but has learned to avoid crazy chicks today.

BTW, none of these are my issues, in case you’re wondering, I’m just saying.

morning

Leggs

May 1st, 2012
9:34 am

Perhaps I’m looking at “skeletons” the wrong way. Not necessarily thinking about one’s checkered past in terms of crimes against another. Of course, I would want to know that, and if I was a criminal, I would reveal that. I’m thinking more along the lines of, i.e, having sex in the bushes with a stranger, sleeping with the painter who came to paint your house, sky mile club with 2 guys (if that’s even possible), just sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry (even at the same time)…stuff like that.

I’m in a bad mood, so typing all that just made me laugh!

SlimNu

May 1st, 2012
9:36 am

On topic but off topic: How do you tell you next man that you pull out all of your ex mans teeth because he had broken up with you just days prior to his dentist appointment? :shock: Now that’s gansta right there!

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/dentist-pulls-her-ex-boyfriend-teeth-split-210829769.html

SlimNu

May 1st, 2012
9:37 am

Leggs – Glad you gave yourself a chuckle but why the bad mood this morning? (if you care to share anyways)

Celisea

May 1st, 2012
9:42 am

Good morning,

I don’t have skeletons. I don’t. I have done things in the past that would be considered less than stellar but compared to who? We are all people…human. The one thing about me is this…I don’t answer to any person. I answer to God. That shouldn’t translate into not being respectful of others but really what one person can use their life as a guage against another’s? If it ain’t Jesus Christ the righteous, then it’s neither here nor there for me. God makes it right and set things staight, really it matters not what anyone else thinks. I don’t walk around dredging up the past but it’s not because it’s oh so shady. It’s the past. Some things done when I had a different state of mind. Some things done in naivety, somethings done in ignorance. Some things done out of stupidity….still I don’t call them skeletons.

The other thing is if you’re digging in someone’s past, you should know the circumstances surrounding before you jump to assumptions, opinions and conclusions. IMO it’s petty…plain and simple. God forgives people for their past mistakes and if I want him to forgive me then I must forgive others. Now having said that, it’s still my choice to decide on a person. Forgiving folks don’t make me wide open for any ole thing now….just want to be clear on that…lol

disco

May 1st, 2012
9:45 am

good morning. I am a “need to know” basis type chick. I dole out information in small increments based upon what I think a person needs to know – not what they think they need to know. of course, the double standard there is I also expect to receive information on an “as I need to know it” basis as opposed to when he thinks I need to know it. my skeletons are cool with each other’s company. they don’t need to be making friends with and hanging out with other people’s skeletons.

czBrat

May 1st, 2012
9:48 am

it would be a deal breaker for most of you
and? it need only be acceptable for that one chick that’s right for him.

i’m sure my visible tatts are deal breakers for lots of dudes. do you think i care? they are accepted and admired by the one dude that’s right for me.

all i’m saying is, pretending you were never a hot-headed youngun or have never mismanaged money is not the way to score points WITH ME. that’s real life. choosing not to tell me (for whatever reason) smacks of deceit and shame.

if i’m ready to accept who you are today, trust that i can wrap my head around how you got here.

Leggs

May 1st, 2012
9:51 am

I’ve decided to walk away from a 25+ year friendship. I’ve finally realized I’ve worked too hard trying to fit in where I apparently never really fit. I took the high road this past weekend and just walked away before we both wound up in jail. It’s been coming for a few years now, so my eyes are finally wide open.

i'm swiss

May 1st, 2012
9:52 am

Morning, folks.

So, I think we finally came to a consensus on happy hour: Tomorrow (Wednesday) at the Lindburgh Taco Mac, 6:30-ish.

czBrat

May 1st, 2012
9:57 am

:sad: @ leggs. sorry for your pain, chica. if you’re happy with your choice, then i’m happy for you!

Leggs

May 1st, 2012
9:57 am

@Slim ~ that dentist story cracked me up. Man, the scorn of a woman. Thanks!

kimmie

May 1st, 2012
9:59 am

Morning All!

Brat, love your post so imma cosign it. Like what you said too Leggs & Slim.

We all got a past, but no need in digging up old dirt if it has no effect on today or the future.

Mike P – Everyone has a right to decide what they deem a dealbreaker, just like you do. If you can’t fully accept the person warts & all, let them find someone who will. And it’s always someone that will.

Leggs – Glad you had your ah ha moment and let that go. I had to do the same. It’s not easy, but you feel much better after it’s done.

SlimNu

May 1st, 2012
10:00 am

In a nutshell, life is about experiences and growth. I don’t expect or assume that because a person did x, y, z when they were they were 18, that it means that’s who they are 20+ years later.

SlimNu

May 1st, 2012
10:04 am

Leggs – Wow, i’m sorry to hear that but they say sometimes the best choices for us are often the hardest ones to make. Keep your head up…and regarding the dentist story, even though it really is a crazy thing to do, I find myself enjoying the rage of others because they had the balls to actually act on it. I’m sure we all have, at one time or another, had morbid crazy thoughts but were sane enough to only let them play out in our minds. I still think about the Two beers and jump flight attendant from a little while ago that got fed up :lol:

Leggs

May 1st, 2012
10:15 am

The flight attendant was another funny. He was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

And for all you out there with friends for decades, don’t hate on them because they still look good and you’re a rotund butterball….

Ok, I am officially laughing out loud and walking to get some water.

SlimNu

May 1st, 2012
10:18 am

I was reading about Martin Lawrence filing for divorce and saw a picture of his two daughters. Man, one of them looks just like him. :shock:

http://ballerwives.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/martin_lawrence-children.jpg

kimmie

May 1st, 2012
10:24 am

Slim – This is his 2nd divorce. Bet folks won’t be calling him crazy and saying he can’t hold on to a relationship – like they do women(ex. Halle).

czBrat

May 1st, 2012
10:25 am

exactly, slim. i’m not saying people can’t grow and change. hell this very blog is made up of people who’ve learned and moved on. our skeletons may not define us but they certainly played some part in who we are.

and yes, folks, there’s all kinds of reasons for choosing not to tell certain things about ourselves. whether because we think it’s trivial, irrelevant, embarassing, or a dealbreaker.

thanx kimmie. and g’morning to ya!

Celisea

May 1st, 2012
10:25 am

Swiss – Unless something changes for me between today and tomorrow, it’s a yes for me.

Mike P

May 1st, 2012
10:26 am

That two-bit hack of dentist deserves to lose everything she owns including doing 20 yrs of hard labor for that mess! absolutely insane that woman.

SlimNu

May 1st, 2012
10:29 am

kimmie – I wonder what happened after the two got married because the article says they had been together for years before they go married just 2yrs ago. Now regarding Halle, I thought they were just calling her crazy but I would really like to know how she is in her home life. But if they call Martin crazy, it surely won’t because of a relationship. I think he stepped into crazy years ago when he was running wild out on the streets. Yall remember that?

Leggs

May 1st, 2012
10:30 am

Doubt she’s a two-bit hack of a dentist. Apparently, she was pretty established for her ex to go to her. He was the foolish one. Unless the breakup went smoothly, he never should have gone to her. Revenge is drink best served heartless. She was wrong, no doubt, but again I doubt a two-bit hack (lol).

SlimNu

May 1st, 2012
10:35 am

Mike P – I could see removing one toof but ALL of them :lol: :lol:

kimmie

May 1st, 2012
10:36 am

Slim – I sure do remember it. But men seem to get a pass. And I remember folks trying to make excuses for him then. His 1st wife married Emmitt Smith and folks were even dogging her, saying she should have stood by him. Are you kidding me?!! She moved on and hasn’t looked back at his crazy behind!

I love me some Martin, but dude is crazy!!

i'm swiss

May 1st, 2012
10:44 am

C — I’m gonna hold you to that — better not chicken out. ;-) :lol:

SlimNu

May 1st, 2012
10:47 am

kimmie – Yeah, you have a point chica! Women get the bad rap for everything it seems. Also, didn’t he have an issue with Tisha Campbell back on the Martin show, where the last few episodes had to be taped with them apart??? Homeboy is not all all there upstairs and that’s probably where that movie idea came from with “Thin Line Between Love and Hate” :lol:

Now I’m not saying Pilar isn’t a little disturbed by the whole divorce thing but I think Deion is trying to use the media to play up her being all crazy to make himself look good/sane. He is just so extra to me…extra and arrogant. :roll:

i'm swiss

May 1st, 2012
10:47 am

Off topic: Well, damn! I just hate it when you like something and then everybody else & his brother jumps on the bandwagon & ruins it:

http://www.ajc.com/news/nation-world/prices-go-thigh-high-1428983.html

DreamsMaterialize

May 1st, 2012
10:49 am

Morning Everyone
I’ll say that all skeletons aren’t created equal. There are some things I would want to know right up front, others that could wait, and still some that I wouldn’t need to know at all. While I do believe in second chances, forgiveness, and reformation, I don’t think I can say “the past is the past” without conditions. There are some things I just won’t be able to get past.

Hey Ladies!

DreamsMaterialize

May 1st, 2012
10:52 am

I just hate it when you like something and then everybody else & his brother jumps on the bandwagon & ruins it:
swiss I was thinking the SAME thing this morning when I read that. I’ve always loved dark meat and was glad everyone else didn’t like it because it kept the prices low.

Leggs

May 1st, 2012
10:53 am

@swiss ~ I’ve always liked dark meat, just not the same you like it. :wink:

Celisea

May 1st, 2012
10:56 am

Swiss – A’ight…I’m coming as one of the boys. Not tryna fall in there all proper and stuff…lol :)

Mike P

May 1st, 2012
10:56 am

All Hollywood types are crazy if you ask me.

@Leggs: putting the her personal interests above her paying patient, her un-professionalism, her criminal activity and premeditated intent upon the victim makes her a two bit hack.

Leggs

May 1st, 2012
10:56 am

Here’s a gem, Publix has Mesquite leg quarters (2 in the pack) for $2.84, maybe $3.25. That’s 4 pieces of meat (lol) (uncooked) DELICIOUS. They also have other seasoned ones.

Leggs

May 1st, 2012
10:58 am

@MikeP ~ how you know he’s a paying client??? It wasn’t premediated unless you can prove she knew he was coming to see her? For all we know, he could have awakened with that toothache and rushed over to her without even making an appointment.

i'm swiss

May 1st, 2012
11:01 am

Leggs — I was in a buddy of mine’s wedding a few years ago & I was the token whiteboy. All the groomsmen had just been out for the bachelor party a couple nights earlier, so the other groomsmen were all very aware of my taste in ladies. So, as we’re going through the buffet line for dinner, we get to the chicken, and the lady serving the chicken asked me if I wanted white meat or dark meat. All the other groomsmen shouted in unison: “DARK MEAT!” :lol:

Leggs

May 1st, 2012
11:03 am

@swiss ~ I remember you telling us that story. Dark meat is the juicest (that goes for women too) :lol: :lol:

Celisea

May 1st, 2012
11:03 am

Yeah but ain’t nothing right about pulling all of buddy’s teeth. Nope nothing right about. Nothing right either about him sitting allowing it to happen. I would bring every criminal charge against out there. THAT’S the crazy I’m sure so many men fear…lol

i'm swiss

May 1st, 2012
11:08 am

On the psycho dentist chick:

Okay, dude was pretty naive to put himself in that position. But, I’d be willing to bet that the chick acted like she was okay with everything when they broke up. (We all know that some ladies out there are some sneaky, devious tricks) :lol: Still not a wise move on his part, but I can’t believe anybody would be dumb enough to let his ex work on him like that if the break-up seemed contentious.

Leggs

May 1st, 2012
11:12 am

Celisea, you’re right, nothing right about it.

“Okay, dude was pretty naive to put himself in that position.” ~ My exact sentiments, swiss!

Mike P

May 1st, 2012
11:12 am

Leggs: it wasn’t in the heat of the moment, she saw him in the chair, ready for quality service, , she overly drugged him, then decided to lock the door with intent to harming the poor man physically… that’s premeditated in my book

Mike P

May 1st, 2012
11:15 am

Yeah I have to agree, dark meat is the bestest! lol