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Do you argue too much?

I have a friend who tells me that he has noticed a disturbing trend in the last few months. A lot of the women he has met turn out to be rather argumentative. He is not opposed to debate and spirited conversations, but he flat out refuses to engage in an argument about politics, religion, etc.

I am somewhat surprised that he has managed to attract or be attracted to someone who is argumentative. He is laid back, extremely mellow, and is not one to be excitable. Is this a case of opposites attract?

Do you think that there is a difference between debating and arguing?

Have you ever dated the type of person who seems to enjoy fighting, or arguing? Has anyone ever told you that you argue way too much?

I have to ask, I’m sorry: Are you a lover of a fighter?!

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

345 comments Add your comment

Lily

April 27th, 2012
7:27 am

Diva I’m a lover not a fighter :)

Lady~Love will win the fight~

April 27th, 2012
7:54 am

Morning Mia!!!! Happy Fantastic Friday!!!! ;)

I am a passionate lover who loves a to debate and spirited conversations ranging from sports, politics, current events, Venus vs Mars convos, etc………..Last night as the NFL draft was going on of course I spearheaded lively chatter and sarcastic jabs about the upcoming season. I am a people’s person and social butterfly and a chatter box. When I see an argument coming to head I let my opponent win and let them have it. I make my point and just discontinue talks. Most time they are trying to show me up I guess to shut me up with going tic for tac with trivial points. I find women and men do this tact but what gets me is why they try to make their points and go toe to toe with me when in all actually they don’t care for me (which is fine) but it happens. lol I am not everyone’s cup of tea which is great but I refuse to dim my light for the sake of others that just want me to shut up and be mute. Yeah, I always have an opinion and respect others accordingly. ;)

Exiled!

April 27th, 2012
7:57 am

Good 4 u Lily..

Too many potty unmarried females…and they don’t even realize why that is the reason guys grab,smash and run!
off topic:
Did you guys touch in Bobby Petrino already..that mugg shot… Ouch!!!!

For puddy!?? :lol:

Have a nice day!

Exiled!

April 27th, 2012
7:59 am

SlimNu

April 27th, 2012
8:06 am

Hi, my name is Slim and I’m a lover. :-D

I can see arguing a lot being an issue but on the other hand, what if you and your partner NEVER argue? Does that mean something is wrong there too???

IT’S FRIDAY, IT’S FRIDAY! IT’S THE END OF THE WEEK, THE LAST DAY!

Lady~Love will win the fight~

April 27th, 2012
8:11 am

Slim I was told recently by my guy that he hates arguing. He can agree to disagree, communicate calmly about the issue nip and move on (without bringing it back up), etc. My point is one night we got into it and he was one foot out the door saying he just can sit and argue back and forth. He said he’s been there done that and not trying to argue no more. Now in reality arguments will occur in relationships I guess its one’s delivery and presentation. To become combative and verbally abusive I guess is his point that he ain’t partaking in it. Hope that makes sense. This kind of helps me because I can become irate when angry with a mate and lose focus on main points. Growth for me!

Lady~Love will win the fight~

April 27th, 2012
8:14 am

another example when arguing using profanity isn’t allowed with us and when I first went off and cursing he seemed offended like we don’t talk like this I was like 0_o lol OKAY dude whatever but moving forward my profanity has cease when we are n serious mode making points.

Lady~Love will win the fight~

April 27th, 2012
8:15 am

guess its just respecting your mate and men want to be respected too~! ;)

SlimNu

April 27th, 2012
8:22 am

Lady – I’m glad that you have recognized what some counselors would call, fighting unfairly or fighting dirty. So the man, in his own way, is teaching you how to argue in a more effective way. I know when we get mad, all caution goes out the window at times and you risk the chance of saying some things you really don’t mean or that you can’t take back. Growth for you, good job!!!

I’m not an argumentative person and I feel like things can be discussed to be resolve…but sometimes, just sometimes it feels better when you yell it :lol:

SlimNu

April 27th, 2012
8:24 am

Lady – The beau doesn’t argue either. He’ll be quick to get up and leave to take a drive to give me time to cool down….or he’ll just sit there while I rant and calmly look at me and say,” Are you finished”…boy oh boy does that take the wind out of my sails. :evil: I guess he takes the approach they tell you to take when your child throws a temper tantrum lol

Lady~Love will win the fight~

April 27th, 2012
8:29 am

Are you finished<<<<<<<<<<<<Indeed will blow out a hot flame in a minute!

Yes Slim, I recognize and open to change. Far from perfect and trying to know it all! he holds value and I appreciate him for loving me for who I am and not afraid to check me accordingly! That is security!

SlimNu

April 27th, 2012
8:31 am

Lady – The first time he said that ish to me, I think I pictured jumping over the couch and putting him in a headlock. lol

Lady~Love will win the fight~

April 27th, 2012
8:36 am

Girl I slammed a door but quickly came back to apologize. I told you when he perused me I didn’t give him the time of day! I really judged a book without reading it bc he presents as something he really isn’t so when he comes with his knowledge and experiences I am like damn you are smart as hell and ain’t stupid at all. He’s 10 steps ahead of me really and has help me with listening more and catching mess before it pops off. He is VERY street smarts with his white collar tag hiding. Its his defense and he carries it well! ;)

Jeff

April 27th, 2012
8:37 am

It is significantly in the mans best interest to keep an argument from getting out of hand. If she goes ape-sh1t and It escalates, guess who is the bad guy.

A smart guy will keep discussions from movin to that point. Even if it means leaving the house.

DNG

April 27th, 2012
8:56 am

This is question depends on the person. To people who are non-confrontational and are more amiable, there is no difference. To a person who likes confrontation, there is supposedly a difference lol check out http://www.datenightgurus.com for more relationship topics

SlimNu

April 27th, 2012
9:00 am

Lady – Once you blow your steam, you can think more rationally and calmly ;-)

disco

April 27th, 2012
9:09 am

oh lawd. wise diva is either talking to me or about me this morning. geez louise. hey everybody. I’ve often been described as confrontational or combative. I think the primary difference between an argument and a debate (even a heated debate) is how far it will go. I don’t necessarily go into a debate trying to win. I just want to express my opinion. Whether they agree or disagree, I think most folks will eventually walk away from the debate. an argument, however, (in my opinion and for me anyway) is more personal and could end in physical confrontation. so I try not to argue because in my opinion we might as well fight so it’s easier to declare the winner.

Lady~Love will win the fight~

April 27th, 2012
9:23 am

Disco you funny chic!!!!!!!!!!!! lol don’t start none won’t be none! lol

Indeed Slim! and the best part of an argument is making up @ the end!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

abc

April 27th, 2012
9:29 am

I’ve even had chicks tell me they thought it was natural and healthy to argue and fight. Later for that.

czBrat

April 27th, 2012
9:29 am

HiYas!

disco got me rolling on the floor already. way to kick of a friday!

jeff makes a great point. seems like most blogettes are dealing with men who know how NOT to let things escalate. that’s maturity and respect at work right there.

s/o said something very true just the other day. we are in complete control of how we interact with others. if you can get mad at your boss but not cuss him/her out, then why take it there when you’re angry at a loved one? if you can pick up a phone at work and speak to a stranger with the utmost respect, then why answer the phone with attitude and make a loved one feel like a real pain in your azz just cuz you’re having a bad day? point being, nothing HAS to escalate to profanity and abuse. we choose to do that in order to “win” an argument, but we can also choose not to.

Lady~Love will win the fight~

April 27th, 2012
9:32 am

I feel disagreeing is healthy. If the person’s delivery escalates to madness that is for the birds~

Leggs

April 27th, 2012
9:33 am

Good morning.

I love a spirited debate where both side can put forth their stance on the subject at hand. However, I am not going to sit there and argue with you, using a bunch of cuss words because then we are no longer having a conversation. I recognize we may have differing opinions, but it’s not my job to sway to you my side of thinking. I put forth my pros and cons and leave it there. No one is obligated to agree with me.

However, what I do not understand is when an argument occurs in a relationship (which is natrual), how ALL caution is thrown to the wind. I cannot separate loving my mate, arguing with him, and he calling me out my name and vice versa. When arguing, everyone should never forget the foundation of respect for one another. Some seem to have put this memo in the shredder.

Lady~Love will win the fight~

April 27th, 2012
9:36 am

good post Brat!

abc

April 27th, 2012
9:37 am

Personally, my wife and I never argue and fight. If there’s a disagreement, we discuss it, with no need to resolve the differences — just acceptance of the differences. Even political differences don’t matter to us much — she voted for McCain and me for Obama (I was really voting against Palin, though) — no biggie. In discussing it, we made our (simple) points, and just left it at that.

Lady, what are some examples of things you like to argue about?

Lady~Love will win the fight~

April 27th, 2012
9:39 am

hmmmmmm I am sure we all have shortcomings though in some areas of our relationships that need tighten up. The goal is to recognize and alter for the better! No one is perfect and misadventures occur~

Lady~Love will win the fight~

April 27th, 2012
9:40 am

abc I don’t LIKE to argue about anything but when there is a disagreement I state my point I am sure like you and defend it accordingly.

disco

April 27th, 2012
9:41 am

brat – I quit a job once and said exactly all that in my exit interview. something to the effect that I was not going to be putting up with mess at work and then going home and taking it out on my friends and family who aren’t even the source of the angst. my friends and family have it hard enough as it is. j/k. but still, that’s very true right there and that’s why I keep a very safe distance with co-workers.

Lady~Love will win the fight~

April 27th, 2012
9:42 am

So I am the only one who has used profanity when arguing wow! I will take that though ;)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

April 27th, 2012
9:43 am

Most men don’t argue with women only weak controlling types do that, there are some women who will tempt you. A man understands women come at us with emotions exacting their point of view. I say what I have to say in a tone to de-escalate what I call a hot conversation give her the same amount of attention and make up later after a cool off.

Good Morning: Hope everybody been doing well.

SlimNu

April 27th, 2012
9:43 am

The beau is known for saying it isn’t his job to convince me or get me to believe him about something, it is what it is.

kimmie

April 27th, 2012
9:45 am

Morning All!!

However, what I do not understand is when an argument occurs in a relationship (which is natrual), how ALL caution is thrown to the wind. I cannot separate loving my mate, arguing with him, and he calling me out my name and vice versa. When arguing, everyone should never forget the foundation of respect for one another. Some seem to have put this memo in the shredder.

Leggs, you said a mouthful right there and that is EXACTLY my stance on this!! Just because you are MAD does not mean you have the license to disrespect me. That was one of the things I “learned” early on in dating. I dated a guy that thought it was okay and his excuse was “well I was mad”. Absolutely unacceptable. To me, that’s a sign that you may snap to the physical, which will NOT be tolerated!

I can deal with a healthy debate and disagreement. You are not going to agree on everything. But shouting, cursing – never been comfortable with that and would not be comfortable dealing with a man like that. My way to “confront” has always been cool and eerily calm. If I feel like I can’t deal with you anymore because of what I had to confront you about, I’m slowly backing away.

Lady~Love will win the fight~

April 27th, 2012
9:45 am

A man understands women come at us with emotions exacting their point of view.<<<<<<<<Love that BF!!!! Howdy to you too! ;)

SlimNu

April 27th, 2012
9:48 am

that’s why I keep a very safe distance with co-workers.

disco – I’ve gone off on a co-worker before and I’m not proud of it but she pulled the lever and when those three 7’s popped up on the display, she won the ‘kiss my azz’ lotto! I’m pretty level headed and it takes a lot to get me there but when I get there, I cloud up and rain down on that arse :shock:

abc

April 27th, 2012
9:49 am

How about some example topics though, Lady?

I find that once someone develops an emotional commitment to their perspective on any given thing, that’s when debate escalates into hostile confrontations. Entire cultures develop this kind of mindset — I consider that to be the major difference between Middle Eastern and Western culture. I try to steer conversations away from such emotional commitment to opinion.

kimmie

April 27th, 2012
9:50 am

Blackfoote – Good to read ya! I agree, a dude that’s always argueing with a woman, or anyone for that matter, always comes off weak to me.

Just because I’m a woman, don’t assume I’m all “emotional” all the time, though. Always hated that assumption. That’s why women have trouble getting respect at work. I’m not one to fly off the handle and lose my cool. I’m not the one. :cool:

SlimNu

April 27th, 2012
9:50 am

I’ll tell you what I don’t get is folks who think it’s okay to argue all willy nilly out in public causing a scene. I’m the kind of chick that if the SO and I had a disagreement/agrument at the house but we have somewhere to go, once we get there, it’s squashed and we act cordial as to not draw attention to us. I’m not going to act all crazy so folks will smell the blood in the water and begin to ask all kind of questions.

Leggs

April 27th, 2012
9:51 am

@Lady ~ I doubt you’re the only one. I have used profanity while arguing, but I don’t make a habit of it. At the end of my marriage, I think I invented some words!

Lady~Love will win the fight~

April 27th, 2012
9:52 am

abc back off me sir ;) its Friday! you’ve lived long enough and know many examples of why mates argue my examples are neither here or there sir! ;) peace sir!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

April 27th, 2012
9:52 am

Hi Lady and gang. The last time I was here you guys put so much love out in the universe that it still can be felt. Thank You.

Leggs

April 27th, 2012
9:53 am

SlimNu ~ I have never had an argument in public. I don’t see the need to involve strangers in my discord.

disco ~ “so I try not to argue because in my opinion we might as well fight so it’s easier to declare the winner.” – All I saw was Evelyn from BBwives saying these words (lolol).

Lady~Love will win the fight~

April 27th, 2012
9:54 am

yep Leggs you made a great point not to make it habit~ Good Post! Just don’t want to seem like the poster child for advocating cursing @ a mate!!!!!!!!!!! Folks will twists your POV and attack! its common! ;)

SlimNu

April 27th, 2012
9:57 am

Just because I’m a woman, don’t assume I’m all “emotional” all the time, though

kimmie – That’s probably one of the main reasons folks say we aren’t ready for a female president

Sassy Me...all SMILES :-)

April 27th, 2012
9:57 am

Mornting all! :mrgreen:

I will engage in a lively discussion about any subject…but I prefer NOT to argue about anything. When you do that sometimes you lose focus of the issue at hand,say things you’ll later regret and end up doing more damage that good which is counterintuitive for solid relationship. I have noticed that there are some couples that thrive off of that but nah…that isht is for the birds..

Once I get angry ALL bets are off and there’s no telling what’ll happen…I don’t like to get like that and try not to but there are times…

disco

April 27th, 2012
9:58 am

slim – and now I am bowing down to you. as often as I have wanted to go off on a co-worker, as often as I have fantasized about slinging chicks against walls and hitting folks in the mouth with staplers – I have never actually done it. you are my hero for the day!!!

leggs / lady – me too. an argument without cursing? such a thing exists? heck, I can’t always have a fun, we are having a good time conversation without using some prime words.

SlimNu

April 27th, 2012
9:59 am

Lady (re:9:52) Stop trying to start an argument chica! j/k But I have thrown some profanities out there too when arguing.

czBrat

April 27th, 2012
10:00 am

thanx, lady :)

leggs, your post is why i no longer buy into the “love after war” thing. my ex was a big beleiver in that, and since he was my first i kinda “grew up” thinking it was normal. it’s not. i find it hard to surrender myself to someone i’ve gone toe-to-toe with. much healthier (for me) to have the less-heated, more responsible discussions abc and bf described, and keep the love between us untainted.

disco, i left a job for those same reasons. my aggravation was coming out at home because my position (customer service rep) made it IMPOSSIBLE to lash back directly at those who where dumping on me. uh-uh. i ain’t doing my fam like that for a paycheck.

kimmie, ex-hubs used to go buck wild in a fight, and i’d surely rise to the occasion. then he’d want to apologize and take it all back afterward. but i wouldn’t apologize or take back sh!t. he’d ask “why won’t you take back those things you said/did?”
“cuz it was genuine at that time. no need for me to deny that. if you don’t like it, stop bringing that sh!t outta me and you’ll never have to hear/see it.” just ugh! we were sooooo young. :lol:

Lady~Love will win the fight~

April 27th, 2012
10:00 am

Lady~Love will win the fight~

April 27th, 2012
10:04 am

Slim no’am arguing in public or at an event is for the birds. It happens though and it can be ugly bc some adults don’t care they are going to make their point disregarding respect.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

April 27th, 2012
10:06 am

Thanks Kimmie:
Cooler heads don’t always win but they prevail. I adore a level headed fiesty woman. I don’t get that fussing in public either, it is a public display of no finese and junkieness.

SlimNu

April 27th, 2012
10:08 am

You ever be driving down or are stopped at a red light and can tell the folks in the car in front of you are getting it in with an argument? You always see finger pointing, arms flailing around in the air etc…lol