Why are titles important?
If you have been seeing someone on a regular basis, met friends and family, do you really need to call it a relationship, with titles? Someone once told me he does not like calling women his girlfriend, lady, etc. This has often lead to a big argument about why titles are important to women.
Apparently women need the title and the action to back it up. It’s not enough to spend all the free time together, if the girlfriend title isn’t floating around after a few months, there will probably be a big discussion about it.
Is it insecurity? Is it about laying claim on someone? Is it important to have the title of a committed relationship or is it the actual commitment that counts?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
163 comments Add your comment
czBrat
April 25th, 2012
10:08 am
personally, my work title is important to me because it also tells what i DON’T do. i know at least some of y’all feel me on that.
lady, you’re right. the argument can be made that insecurity plays a part either way. if you don’t advertise your status you’re unsure about the strength of the relationship. if you blast it, you’re posturing to make it appear so much more than it is. i say just function at your own comfort level.
i truly cannot stand when women present themselves as “mrs. insert male name here”. but i understand that they feel honored to do so. so be it.
ciao, lola!
Celisea
April 25th, 2012
10:10 am
Robeeeeeeeeeert!! Once again, you are the man…lol Okay I won’t go with calling folks stupid but FB really? Again, I’m sticking with the grown folks on this topic.
Robert, here’s your vest. You might need it. I see you bucking up in here and getting of the BAB list…lol Go Robert go Robert go Robert!!
Lady~interesting.........
April 25th, 2012
10:12 am
row lol fb is ruling mark is rich b#*ch lol plus instagram will solidify with a photo that we are together forever LOL dry humor folks lolol
Lady~interesting.........
April 25th, 2012
10:14 am
hey brat good points! I agree
disco
April 25th, 2012
10:15 am
brat – I’m sure you have a “legit” work title. I primarily meant those hyped up titles – you know the ones I’m talking about. the custodial technician and maintenance specialist/janitor, the early childhood development and activities director/daycare worker.
Mr. Unknown
April 25th, 2012
10:17 am
Why not …? I mean whats the difference, when you speak about something that you have a passion in such as school and the hard work that you are putting in each and everyday to get to the end result being a degree. Why wouldn’t you do the same for the person that your working with to create a future together with and the end/beginning result being marriage. I’m proud to be in school as a student and I let people know I’m a student. I would also be proud to be in a relationship and people will know that as well and they will know her as my GF. If she can survive me she has earn the title. People work hard everyday to earn their title. I guess I’m the only one that likes to celebrate my successes.
Why knock people in love, for being in love? I don’t get that… If people are so turnoff by the way people celebrate their relationship simply aviod them. Delete them out. Be a relationship grouch by yourself. People are so concern about how they come off to other people.
My time is up, got to goo! Catch ya’ll on the flipside.
Celisea
April 25th, 2012
10:21 am
Jake – Where are you? Thanks for leaving the gate open. There’s a crazy air in here today….
Lady~interesting.........
April 25th, 2012
10:21 am
to each their own and how you celebrate your own life Mr U. Not knocking anyone but I have an opinion just like you and I don’t have to be a walking billboard to celebrate love~
Row 125, Seat 11B
April 25th, 2012
10:26 am
OK….Next question….Sine I do not FaceBook, I have to ask…Can you do two relationship titles.Like I am married, but its complicated as hell? Or I am engaged..(But still open to change)
Lady~interesting.........
April 25th, 2012
10:28 am
yep something like that Row you can make your status how closed or open as you want it to be. they have open marriage too or open relationship but you get my point lol
kimmie
April 25th, 2012
10:28 am
Morning Gang!
I’m with Mr. U. If you get all befuddled introducing me, then you are probably playing games. Yeah, it’s obvious we need to be on the same page about where we stand behind closed doors, but why all the incognito, the secrecy, when we are around others? Are you trying to keep it on the low so you can appear still available to others? What’s going on? I’d watch the body language. If he said, “hey guys, THIS is Kimmie” with a big ole smile and his hands around my waist – that’s cool. No title really needed, everyone knows what’s up. But if he says “oh yeah, this is Kimmie” with his eyes cutting around the room and ample space between us, yeah there is a problem!
If we are TOGETHER like that, what’s wrong with being proud of it and making it clear? Don’t understand how hard that should be unless there is NOT a clear understanding of where we stand.
Disco, I agree about these folks that overdo it with the titles though!! If you have to constantly let everyone know, then that’s letting me know you’re insecure or things are not so solid with you & yours. Which I really could not care less about!
kimmie
April 25th, 2012
10:31 am
As for FB status, really people???
Lady~interesting.........
April 25th, 2012
10:33 am
row you can have two pages and profiles…….. but many have one and just virtually do as they please. if one is going to cheat it will happen with or without fb
Lady~interesting.........
April 25th, 2012
10:33 am
kimmie I thought the same thing it means nothing
Lady~interesting.........
April 25th, 2012
10:36 am
I have been introduced as ________ my lady, woman, girl even stated this is who I am with. I call it a relationship its definitive. My whole point this morning is I am not updating my fb status one way or the other my pictures of us are out there and folks in my different circles know accordingly. maybe I missed the memo #shrugs lol
kimmie
April 25th, 2012
10:47 am
Lady – My husband updated his FB status when we got engaged. It was so funny because I got this email from FB saying “Mr — says that the two of you are engaged and your status should be updated. Is this correct?”
I had not been on my tired little FB page in like a year and never had any kind of “status” on it! He put one of our wedding pics with the kids on his page.
I still have not “updated” mine!LOL!!
Leggs
April 25th, 2012
10:48 am
@Mr. Unknown ~ nice post. The one thing I do not get is FB updates on one’s relationship. For me, it’s a stupid thing to do. But as with most things in life, to each their own.
Lady~interesting.........
April 25th, 2012
10:50 am
yeah I remember you saying that before how you don’t go on but folks know yall were together prior and on yall away to marriage you aren’t on their daily talking bout and and Mr waiting on the housekeeper to come as we just got finish cooking……that is silly to me its understood you have a mate.
czBrat
April 25th, 2012
10:52 am
we all know boys don’t like anyone else to play with their things
you ain’t nevah lied!
here’s the thing, s/o has shown himself to be the type of man who wants the world to know i am HIS woman. whatever his motivation, that’s how he’s running this ship.
now, if ever i were to meet a chick i had never heard of and i don’t get my usual ‘titled’ intro, how hard would it be to figure out something just ain’t right? i say that simply to point out that any dude wanting to prophess your role in his life already knows he’s going to live or die by that.
as for fb, my status is not even part of my profile. all the posts and pix share the story with those who care.
disco, i will admit to laughing at some of the more creative job titles i’ve come across. i.e. director of first impressions? really? can’t blame folks for trying.
Lady~interesting.........
April 25th, 2012
10:52 am
i just feel its no secret that most folks are dating and seeing someone if they aren’t married. its just not important to see that via anything. you are grown do you and actions will speak louder than any posts
Leggs
April 25th, 2012
11:00 am
I thought the “Director of First Impressions” was quite creative (lolol).
kimmie
April 25th, 2012
11:05 am
Brat – My hubs was the same way when we dated. He didn’t shout it from the rooftops, but he made it clear to all that we were TOGETHER.
I understand folks that are more lowkey and private with theirs. To each his own.
At the same time, those that have to make it a point that titles DON’T matter seem to be the same ones in the “marriage is just a piece of paper” club, of which I never wanted to be a member!
disco
April 25th, 2012
11:11 am
one of my co-workers needs a “director of first impressions” in her life. y’all know by now that I think I’m the fashion police. today’s fashion faux pas is a pair of primary color (think play doh or crayola) straight out of color purple one size fits all celie pants. yep. not lying. every time I look at them I want to snap a picture to make sure folks believe me.
Leggs
April 25th, 2012
11:12 am
@disco ~ naw, seems your coworker needs a bigger mirror.
Celisea
April 25th, 2012
11:15 am
Writing a manual of “how tos” ain’t easy folks. Whew, I’m struggling. I have to have my draft ready by Tuesday
abc
April 25th, 2012
11:19 am
The primary motivator and driver for a woman’s interest in a man is security. That applies to all things, including feeling secure in the relationship itself. If a man won’t say that she’s girlfriend, significant other, life partner, fiance, or wife, that detracts from her feelings of security in the relationship.
The primary motivator for men in this regard is respect.
czBrat
April 25th, 2012
11:19 am
kimmie, bottom line is you’re gonna end up with someone that shares your pov. if it’s ok with you that no one knows the depth of your relationship except the two of you, then you’ll be with someone who also doesn’t want to put that info out there.
disco, a fashion report recently said this season’s look is print pants. the ones they showed were actually really cute. but i can see how that look can go horribly wrong.
disco
April 25th, 2012
11:25 am
leggs – funny.
brat – for real? so you mean I can look forward to more of these hideous creations throughout the summer? should be interesting. I’ll have to work on my poker face.
O/T – I finally got around to emailing pics of my neighbor’s dog to the HOA and to the city. do I feel like a snitch? nope. will I do it again? you bet I will. I even requested that the HOA send me a copy of the citation when they fine her. I don’t think they have to but they seemed to be willing to. we’ll see.
czBrat
April 25th, 2012
11:32 am
disco, as long as they’re straight/skinny style with a solid top & jacket it should be ok.
no one is allowed to sport mulit-colored palazzo pants.
^5 abc!
Celisea
April 25th, 2012
11:41 am
abc – Yep, I agree. You have always consistently said a woman wants to know she can be secure in the mate she’s chosen. I totally agree
Celisea
April 25th, 2012
11:42 am
I do feel though if you have to wear a banner of your relationship and just not let it be seen through each other’s actions towards one another, there is some level of insecurity there.
DreamsMaterialize
April 25th, 2012
11:47 am
Morning
If a person feels that a title is important, then it is…to them. You ought to be with someone who feels the same way. There have been times I didn’t introduce an SO with the title (or didn’t introduce her at all) based on how much I valued the person I was introducing her to.
Fake Cat Shady Dog: Heyyyyyy Dreams! What’s good playa?
Dreams: (not this muphka) Hey.
Fake Cat Shady Dog: What you been up to? I ain’t seen you in a minute.
Dreams: (cuz I ain’t checkin’ for you) Been chillin. Can’t really talk though. Gotta get to this thing.
Fake Cat Shady Dog: Oh I feel you. Me too. Holla at me man.
Dreams: (won’t be doing that) aiight.
Dreams Queen: Why didn’t you introduce me?
Dreams: ‘Cause he’s wack as hell.
czBrat
April 25th, 2012
11:53 am
hola, paisa!
Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB
April 25th, 2012
12:16 pm
Hey everybody, catching up…and Celisea, I thought i locked that gate.
Celisea
April 25th, 2012
12:22 pm
Jake – I think we pretty much got ‘em all caged. To be extra secure, next time put a pad lock on the door as well
Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB
April 25th, 2012
12:28 pm
will do…lol
SlimUno...looking for my breakthrough
April 25th, 2012
12:48 pm
Dreams – Your skit reminds me of a time my ex didn’t introduce me to this dude and he was usually pretty quick about doing that. So just like in your skit after we walked away, I was like why didn’t you introduce me….come to find out he couldn’t remember this dudes name for nothing in the world or even recalled how he knew him but they had a whole convo about Man do you still talk to (insert homeboy names here) it was funny. I guess every situation is different
kimmie
April 25th, 2012
1:00 pm
What up, Dreams?!!
Slim – I have been there so many times it’s not funny! I have managed to “avoid” introducing hubs because I totally forgot the persons name! A little awkward!
Velonese
April 25th, 2012
1:03 pm
I haven’t had a woman get past the “dating faze” to get to a the title of relationship in years, too much teetering the scale in their favor, I am all about balance. It’s 100%-100% or GTFO! Good Day.
SlimUno...looking for my breakthrough
April 25th, 2012
1:10 pm
O/T: I just hate if for the Hudson family regarding the tragedy that occurred. Now they have to rehash all the details and probably more than they care to.
Willie Dynamite
April 25th, 2012
1:20 pm
Afternoon All,
On Topic – much ado bout nothing. If it a problem then have the conversation. After that proceed accordingly.
Side topic – yall funny cause I don’t have a name now. Wifey refers to me as “My Husband” this and thats with the exception of close friends. Funny, maybe I need to have a conversation with her about insecurities. Hahaha
What’s up fellas
kimmie
April 25th, 2012
1:29 pm
Willie – I throw the “my husband” thing out when I want folks to know I have backup – like when I take my car in to be worked on.
Celisea
April 25th, 2012
1:35 pm
Where is Blackfoote? Just thought about him. He’s been missing for a while now.
Leggs
April 25th, 2012
1:36 pm
Yeah, I do the same kimmie.
SlimUno...looking for my breakthrough
April 25th, 2012
1:43 pm
Leggs – So you use your ex-hubby’s name? I don’t blame ya
czBrat
April 25th, 2012
1:49 pm
ok. shamelessly admitting i’ve donned the “hubs” title on s/o a few times in order to intimidate folks (car salesmen, mechanics, repairmen, etc.). does that make him a tool?
and infamous? amazon? kym?
i’ve pretty much given up on blue
Willie Dynamite
April 25th, 2012
1:54 pm
Kimmie – that’s funny. Double standard I tell ya. Men can’t say that in the greocery store or the makeup counter. We’d be outta more $$$. Ok in the corner for being caveman
SlimUno...looking for my breakthrough
April 25th, 2012
2:02 pm
WD – C’mon now…I’m sure you all get your fair share of perks some kind of way. So you’ve never been in a store or somewhere trying to get help with buying the wifey something and the salesperson is so smitten with your plan that she throws you some freebies or something?
Celisea
April 25th, 2012
2:04 pm
Unless it’s the normal oil change/tune up, I ALWAYS make a phone call while standing in the dealership. I have an assigned service guy/man and for whatever service need he’s assessed, I usually ask him to excuse me while I make a call. I then ask for (insert man’s name here) in front of him and say “hey so and so says it’s going to cost whatever, sounds about right?” If it doesn’t sound right I’ll say hold on…”he says that sounds too pricey”
kimmie
April 25th, 2012
2:06 pm
WD – Either double standard or just blatant discrimination! Because sometimes its either let these mechanics know you’ve got a man to back you up, bring a man with you or risk getting ripped off!