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Why are titles important?

If you have been seeing someone on a regular basis, met friends and family, do you really need to call it a relationship, with titles? Someone once told me he does not like calling women his girlfriend, lady, etc. This has often lead to a big argument about why titles are important to women.

Apparently women need the title and the action to back it up. It’s not enough to spend all the free time together, if the girlfriend title isn’t floating around after a few months, there will probably be a big discussion about it.

Is it insecurity? Is it about laying claim on someone? Is it important to have the title of a committed relationship or is it the actual commitment that counts?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

163 comments Add your comment

Jeff

April 25th, 2012
6:47 am

I’ve been with my GF for a year and a half and we don’t acknowledge any status on our FB page. People that know us, know. People that don’t, who cares.

The specific reason why is because when you change your relationship status, everyone comes out of the woodwork like cockroaches wanting to know all the details. And neither of us want to explain ourselves to anyone.

People who have to have titles are insecure or controlling.

Lily

April 25th, 2012
6:53 am

Diva, I don’t think I’m so much hung up on titles however I believe any man truly committed won’t have a problem making it known. He shouldn’t have to have it hanging on his tongue neither a chest tag for me yet we both will know where we stand and both will be on the same page.

You kids had a blast on yesterday I see. On of these days I’ll have an opportunity to get in on some of the fun, real time.

Good day!

Ms.

April 25th, 2012
7:31 am

@Jeff- That’s not always true i have my relationship stat as “in a relationship” to stop the thirsty from inboxing or trying to holler…I don’t date folks online.

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
7:47 am

Good Morning!!!!!!!

hmmmmm @ the topic……let me gather my thoughts! ;)

Mr. Unknown

April 25th, 2012
8:01 am

Morning

This is such a long week, already! I agree the important people already know who you are in a relationship with but it brings a smile when I introduce my girlfriend as my girlfriend at social events and such. People that have a problem claiming their SO as their SO don’t want a SO.

Who really has time to concentrate on not calling someone that you been involved with for several months your GF. Hey guys, this is my friend Ms. Jackson, we hang together every weekend and have sex on a regular basis. So isn’t that your girlfriend.. noooo don’t say them words around here!! She my friend girl and we hang together and have sex on a regular basis. Thats still a title right??!?

SlimUno...looking for my breakthrough

April 25th, 2012
8:03 am

Good morning,

I haven’t really ever had this issue with not getting a title…In my last relationship, we did the whole fb status thing but as previously stated, it brings on waves of questions if it ever changes. In my present relationship, we don’t have our status listed. It’s rather funny because if you looked at my page/pics, you probably wouldn’t even be able to pick up on the fact that I was even dating anyone. Sure we have a few pics but nothing that would say “Hey, thats secret agent man” lol

SlimUno...looking for my breakthrough

April 25th, 2012
8:06 am

Mr. U – So would you say that if a couple is out around town and the guy runs into a friend, co-worker, family member etc, when it comes to introduction and he only says, “Hey John this is Christie..Christie this is John from the park. We used to play ball together”…does that mean ole boy does not want to place a title on it or isn’t sure what to call it???

Mr. Unknown

April 25th, 2012
8:28 am

Slim~ If John is introducing Christie to me as just Christie and knowing how we talk about females on the court, barbershop, wherever. I’m going to look at her as someone he just started dating or his jump off. Believe me, the next time John comes to the park he is going to be asked if that was just someone he was banging, so that we can laugh and find out if she is a freak or he is going to have to lay claim to her as his girlfriend, so that way we are not disrepecting her. At somepoint he is going to have to put a title on her one way or another. The question is why waste energy not claiming her in the first place. Hell its a win-win, you make her feel good and you don’t have to waste your breath explaining why you didn’t claim her in the first place.

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
8:33 am

Let’s see, my boo, my special friend, my girl/woman or man, my girlfriend or boyfriend, my S/O, my wife or husband…………..As Lily sated a chest tag isn’t need but both parties know where they stand with each above title. The important ones will know and others will respect boundaries with how two parties interact with each other. I have yet to update my relationship status on FB and unless I marry it will never be updated. I don’t need society validation with my relationship status. I think its a silent understanding that I am seeing someone. Even some have inquired from pictures or just saying you seem to be in love (whatever that means just think they be probing) but my business s my business and I know where I stand.

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
8:36 am

& as Mr U pointed out it does feel great to be acknowledge with respect when being introduced socially~

Row 125, Seat 11B

April 25th, 2012
8:43 am

The title should never be an issue…The actions should be all that counts….A couple can be married for 15 years, but if he is still on the town 3 nights a week and she still has a standing appointment with Mr. Do Right, then what does the title matter???? If I were in a commited relationship and I happen to be out and ran across whomever, I f they are worthy of an introduction, then they would already know based on how I live in my day to day, what my status is…..remember the old saying, “Actions speak louder than words”.

LL411

April 25th, 2012
8:47 am

“They” (important people) know who I am and who he is. So, introducing me as “given name” isn’t a problem… his eyes are twinkling and the person I’m meeting is smiling ear to ear and nodding :)

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
8:48 am

that it does Row~ you are telling the truth with a 15 year marriage and one party doing whatever and still fake the funk with a grand intro for his wife digressing………………..Actions are important~ but playing devil’s advocate within a marriage only those two titles are there regardless of behavior

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
8:49 am

& a wife could be out on the town two not singling men out as the cheater as it reads it could go both ways!

Row 125, Seat 11B

April 25th, 2012
8:51 am

LOL….Like I said lady, She could have a stading thing with her own personal maintenace man… :)

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
8:54 am

yep indeed! it happens!

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
8:56 am

that should have read too, two nights a week! smh

Thogwummpy

April 25th, 2012
9:12 am

I find that in relationships, women don’t like the titles…often are resentful of such. Then again, it could be that I insist on using the title “Most High Lord”, and hers is usually just “Wench”. Maybe I should re-think the whole title thing….. Eh, it’s fine like it is!

czBrat

April 25th, 2012
9:17 am

morning all!

there’s a difference in being introduced to someone who already knows of you and someone who is not “in-the-know” about the relationship. if s/o has already mentioned me to a friend or co-worker, when i finally meet them all he has to say is “this is the brat”. and, yes, the twinkle in our eyes confirms what they’ve already heard.

but running into a buddy at the park? of course it should go something like “this is my XOXO, the brat”.

if the relationship is sincere (as someone said yesterday), BOTH parties should want to define what they are to each other; not just among themselves, but publicly.

a woman’s joy in being claimed is no less valid than a man’s pride of ownership.

thanx, gwummpy, i needed that chuckle to kick off my hump day. :lol:

Bobby Petrino

April 25th, 2012
9:21 am

They are important because of how they bounce, how round they are, how they feel in your hands, how fun they are to kiss and gently suckle and how they way they amplify a woman’s overall curvature.

Yum!

Bobby Petrino

April 25th, 2012
9:22 am

Oops!

I just realized you said “TITLES.”

My Mistake.

Mr. Unknown

April 25th, 2012
9:23 am

There are too many people with that Jay-z and Beyonce complex. Trying so hard to hide the fact they are in a relationship or keep it a secret. Why? I’m not going to update my FBook status because my business is my business(not taking a shot at nobody). At the sametime when you update your pictures and you have a picture with your SO all hugged up isn’t that doing the samething. I mean really? You just updated your relationship status but with a picture. The real reason a lot of folks don’t put a title on their partner is because they are unsure/insecure about their relationship in the first place. I’m the man and as such I’m going to lead, if a woman senses fear and hesitation in me regarding the relationship she will follow suit. To many dudes walking around following their girls lead, for what?! I say beat your chest like a man claim yours, keep it moving.

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
9:24 am

a woman’s joy in being claimed is no less valid than a man’s pride of ownership.<<<<<<<<<true indeed sis!

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
9:26 am

lol Mr U you are right in a sense but not hiding like Jay and Bey I think I stated on the blog a few months ago I am seeing someone and my close friends on fb know too along with family but no I am not putting in a relationship on fb either. its neither her or ther for me and that site was my point but let it be know I do have a man and I am his woman. ;) that was funny lol

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
9:27 am

meant here or there for me smh I can’t type

lolalee

April 25th, 2012
9:28 am

A title is fine with me, but what the title is is the issue. “Girlfriend” seems so High School, “lover” too sexutal, “SO” too weird, “Friend” too generic, “boo” too yugh, so then what works?? I usually default to introducing my man as my “friend” and let people figure it out. They will if they are at all observant, or if they know me and haven’t met him yet, they know what the relationship is already. As to FB, no status noted unless I become engaged or married. Don’t need nosey folks that I don’t know so well poking around.

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
9:28 am

and let it be known……smh lol

lolalee

April 25th, 2012
9:31 am

Lady ~~ cup of coffee for you!

disco

April 25th, 2012
9:33 am

good morning. well y’all ought to know me well enough by now to know that I’m a bit “funny acting”. I’m not one for sweating titles in relationships like I’m not really one for sweating titles at work. a title is just a name. it might be a name that means something and it might just be a name for the sake of calling you something. either way, if it’s not disrespectful, I’m not tripping.

I whole-heartedly agree with the folks that said as long as the folks in the relationship know what’s up then later for the folks on the outside looking in.

my take on claiming – stop it please. I think I brought that up before as a pet peeve though not in this sense. I complained of chicks who constantly felt the need to say “my boyfriend, my husband” instead of saying his name like I don’t already know who he is. you can have that in the initial introduction but after that kill it. it gets tired.

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
9:34 am

my other point is its like for some through social media there relationships have to be on front street 24/7 my husband this my man this we are so happy we did this we do that the housekeeper is coming blah blah blah naw I don’t need or do that its not important for the world to see how my dealings operate……i know yall get my point. lolololol ;)

lolalee yes please with hazelnut! ;)

Celisea

April 25th, 2012
9:41 am

Good morning!

I’m swinging with the grown folks on this one. No time to sweat the small stuff.

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
9:43 am

Leggs

April 25th, 2012
9:49 am

Good morning.

Hmmmmm, is a title important.

Dating girl (Kumquat): Hey Sweetie! How you doing?

Dating Guy (Sweetie): Hey Kumquat, I’m better now that I’m speaking with you.

K: Awww, that’s so nice to hear. I’ve missed you

S: I’ve missed you too.

K: WOW, we’ve been seeing each other now for a year.

S: It’s been a year already.

K: How come you never introduce me as your girlfriend?

S: Well, we’ve never discussed being in a relationship. Just thought we’ve been kicking it around for the most part.

K: For the most part, WTF are you talking about?? For the most part???

S: Calm down, calm down. I figured since we’ve never discussed being in a relationship, we’ve been very good FWB!

K: Standing at police station getting her mugshot taken!

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
9:51 am

disco on of my fb friends introduce and signs off Mrs. ________ daily even had a yard sale and did a flyer and printed mr and mrs ___________ will be cooking fish for sale and saying items please come! now who in the hell does that foolishness?!?

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
9:52 am

to me its just an insecurity to walk around with a billboard stating your title and position daily. ijs it goes both ways

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
9:53 am

selling items……..i meant

Celisea

April 25th, 2012
9:55 am

Hey Lady…how goes it this morning :)

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
9:58 am

discombobulated but present and accounted for lol sis working on a project and can’t do two things at once and my blogging is spotty today lol

lolalee

April 25th, 2012
9:58 am

Leggs ~ too funny.

Lady ~ I* don’t ever ever ever wanna be called “Mrs” anybody! I have a name all of my own, thank you very much. Plus, my man’s marital status isn’t revealed by “Mr.” so why should mine be announced by “Mrs.”?

SlimNu

April 25th, 2012
9:59 am

Leggs – funny ;-)

Most men I’ve come in contact with on a serious level, wanted to ensure we were exclusive. They brought it up to me because we all know boys don’t like anyone else to play with their things, especially if it’s one of those classic figurines still in the original box. Now if it’s some run of the mill, dime a dozen green army man that can be found in any dollar store, then they could care less who else plays with it

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
10:00 am

i wish i could upload that flyer to the blog lol maybe i will share it with C lol I was floored lmbao with the Mr and Mrs __________ is having a yard sale and fish fry! lolalee people are amusing with the points they try to make to the world. FB is an open stage of madness and illusions

Celisea

April 25th, 2012
10:02 am

Lady – Those are the folks that don’t know how to act or ain’t use to nothing or believe “a man”….in her case, is the be all to end all. Po thang

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
10:04 am

so today is coworker bugaboo day! sigh lol

Robert

April 25th, 2012
10:04 am

“Is it about laying claim on someone?”

How old are you people? Anybody who admits to using facebook to annouce their dating status is a stupid young jerk who has little or no dating experience. Men who use social media sites instead of good old fashion communication skills (listening, talking, writing) act just like women who have nothing better to do than play with their cell phones,tabloits, etc., and keep their fingers busy (ADHD). Real mature men do not use facebook or any other social media to annouce their dating intentions. Ladies beware of immature men who act like little boys (playstation, etc.) raised by their mothers with no fathers. Grow-up!!! Using FB to annouce your dating status is stupid.

lolalee

April 25th, 2012
10:04 am

gotta cut out, happy day to all.

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
10:06 am

last one they flyer was so jazzy like a night club flyer! decked out ok i am done lol they are from my hometown so i guess being married and announcing it daily means they have arrived #shrugs

disco

April 25th, 2012
10:07 am

slim – not that you brought up the little green army men.

lady – bugaboo? they buggin who? they buggin you. lol. (sorry. it’s too early for me to be this silly but sometimes I can’t help it).

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
10:07 am

Expert Robert has spoken!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL I can’t stop chuckling ! smh lol but I agree FB means nothing to me as far as a relationship folks just being nosy smh lol

Lady~interesting.........

April 25th, 2012
10:08 am

yes disco if someone else stands over my shoulders trying to tell me something I will scream a bit lol back off me please! lol

Row 125, Seat 11B

April 25th, 2012
10:08 am

OK…Hold up a minute……..When did The section on FaceBook that gives your relationship status become the end all to be all for where you are with the person you are seeing, doing, or commited to???? How about I update my status on MySpace or BlackPlanet and pass on the FaceBook???