Let’s talk about sex: Boundaries
Should a dating relationship that is casual have the same sexual boundaries as a committed relationship? I ask because there was a debate between a couple of friends who had their unique ideas about boundaries in the bedroom.
If I summarized their beliefs by gender, women thought that casual flings don’t get the full “bag of tricks” as boyfriends or husbands. They certainly don’t entertain the idea of special requests, threesomes, or anything closely resembling extra work.
The men, however, thought that if there was some physical contact, why not make it as good as it can be. Many them argued, “When you relax your boundaries, isn’t it win-win?”
Personally, I am a hopeless romantic, which means I want to actually be in love before I talk about boundaries and explore with someone. What do you think? Are your boundaries in the bedroom driven by the level of commitment you have or don’t have?
Keep the conversation clean and classy!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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250 comments Add your comment
Lily
April 18th, 2012
7:12 am
Diva I’m with you, no casual sex here. That’s a win-win for who? Certainly not women. Go for what you’re worth. I can’t wait to come back and read later all the responses!
Good day!
Rick
April 18th, 2012
7:53 am
Once you cross the “Intimate Arts” threshold, there are no boundries, except those that you make for yourself. The idea that sex is “better” or “more satisfying” when you are in a relationship has been debunked time and time again. In fact, many times it is oh so much better when it’s ‘casual” or “anonymous”. The number 1 sexual fantasy for women (according to polls) is anonymous sex. They don’t have to worry about being judged, they don’t care what their partner thinks about them, they can just let themselves go and taste every single flavor on the menu. I’m married, but I can say that the most absolutely incredible sexual experience I’ve ever had was a one night stand and we never saw each other again. It was INSANE and to this day I still remember and fantasize about it.
David
April 18th, 2012
7:58 am
IMO, there is nothing off limits for me, except a third person. Other then that, it’s open bar. If it turns you on, it turns me on. I want you at your depraved best. If you are just a missionary girl and only in the bed, you aren’t for me. There are time for “making love” and there are times for sweaty, loud, ripping clothes and bouncing off every piece of furniture, in any location, fully clothed or naked, dirty talk. And most of those times, only one version will be what the doctor ordered.
Shannon
April 18th, 2012
8:02 am
If you establish boundries, you are limiting the experience. I’ve had flings and I’ve had relationships and the sexual experience was totally reliant on what your partner brings to the table…or bed….or office. If you have an open mind and go in to it wanting the most intense pleasure for your self and your partner, it’s all good. Sponteneity is the spice of life and imagination is the hot sauce. I want to leave myself and my partner totally satisfied and with the though “I can’t wait for this to happen again!”.
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
8:08 am
Good morning,
Call me ‘getting old’ or whatever but that casual sex thing just isn’t something that interests me. Sure when you’re younger you’re probably less likely to hope a relationship gives birth from some good ole nasty, heart pounding, clothes ripping, wake up anyone within a 5 mile radius type sexing…but in my experience, I was less inhibited when being with someone for a while in an established r’ship. I have to reach a certain level of comfort with a person first and who knows, maybe it stems from early childhood/teen violations so according to what Rick said above, i could be an exception to this rule/study.
jake's mom
April 18th, 2012
8:09 am
If you’re going to go there, no boundaries. The boundary is… when do you go there
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
8:13 am
And with regard to the whole boundaries issue, if you are sharing your life with someone, I think there is nothing wrong with a progression of boundary stretching. It’s all about comfort & communication. I may not go for EVERY single idea you can fester but I am adult enough to let you know what I would be open to try. I think the art of really getting to know your mate is falling by the wayside. I’m sure Wille or Jake can speak to this but if a man really knows his women and has her between her ears as well as between her thighs, she’ll probably be more apt to want to try those risque things with you. A woman who feels loved, safe, appreciated and desired by her man is like a blank canvas just waiting to be stroked lol
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
8:21 am
Morning! Interesting topic………..
Mr. Unknown
April 18th, 2012
8:25 am
Good Morning,
“The men, however, thought that if there was some physical contact, why not make it as good as it can be.” Your setting yourself up to fail if the full “bag of tricks” is given too early. All guys will push the sexual limit to see how far your willing to go. I can’t help it but I’m going to look at you differently. If you haven’t earned the girlfriend title yet and your open to do anything, anytime, anyplace your quietly earning another title. Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to run with whatever I can get if its allowed but the sex should progress as the relationship does.
Did I read the question right?
Spike
April 18th, 2012
8:26 am
Very interesting responses, eh? I think it shows once again that the subject and practices of sex are as widely varied as the possible fantasies, positions, and techniques that can be employed. But, casual (more like spontaneous) sex in today’s world is not only risky but downright foolish. Easier and cleaner with less effort is to play Russian Roulette with a loaded gun. I really liked the response describing the ‘heat and sweat, tearing of clothes’ of the moment from the geezer. Sounds to me like, even though on in years, he’s having a great time. To you I say “right on, dude!”
Bobby Petrino
April 18th, 2012
8:30 am
No 2 ways about it……I just love tapping young tail. Doesn’t matter if it’s the smoking hot glorified ’sexetary’, or the super hot biker magazine model. I just love tapping young tail and making an a** out of myself.
Mike P
April 18th, 2012
8:31 am
Wise Diva wrote – “Should a dating relationship that is casual have the same sexual boundaries as a committed relationship?
- I don’t understand your question. Dating relationships ARE committed relationships, they are one and the same in my book. So stop throwing the word “casual” into that mix. I have said it here before, I don’t date casual flings. I truly believe people keep up their casual “whatevers” to satisfy their selfish agenda, both male and female, at the expense of their own personal growth & spiritual maturity.
Good Morning!
Shut up and Drive
April 18th, 2012
8:34 am
Enter your comments here
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
8:43 am
Mike P good post!
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
8:44 am
If you haven’t earned the girlfriend title yet and your open to do anything, anytime, anyplace your quietly earning another title. <<<<Agreed Mr. U!
BigUn
April 18th, 2012
9:00 am
I can see where this is going for the women. if a woman is as open, adventurous and in touch with herself as a man, she’s considered a slut. But I take a different attitude:
Chick really digs “the act”:
You: She’s a slut
Me: She very sure of herself, confident and probably very good at “it”.
Chick wears tight clothing and sexy attire:
You: She’s a slut and trying to draw attention
Me: Again, very confident. She takes care of herself and enjoys feeling and looking sexy.
Chick likes to be adventurous when she does it:
You: She’s a slut and will sleep around
Me: Wow, she’s really a hand full. She’s in touch with herself and knows what she likes. Confident, sexy and veyr good at “it”.
Chick can banter and talk with the guys about sexual stuff:
You: She’s a tramp and has a gutter mind/mouth
Me: She can hang with the guys and not be a prude or buzz kill. She enjoys male company and not afraid to go toe to toe. She’s fun and can shock as well as any of my friends.
Chick has over 10 past lovers:
You: She’s a slut and will jump up and down on anybody
Me: She is passionate, physical and has no qualms about expressing it in a physical way. She obviously likes the way it makes her feel and practice makes perfect.
It all depends on how you look at it.
BigUn
April 18th, 2012
9:02 am
Oh, by the way, I’m a guy and I love a confident woman.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
9:03 am
Interesting perception and projection is a mofo……………………..@BigUn
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
9:05 am
Keep the conversation clean and classy! ~ WD knows her audience.
If a relationship is casual I see no reason to pull out all tricks in one’s arsenal. There are delights that should be reserved for that special treatmet. Everyone doesn’t deserve the full monty. And the mere mention of the word “casual” has already set the boundary!
Morning. It’s going to be a beautiful day (rain and all).
Exiled!
April 18th, 2012
9:07 am
‘Win win for who? Certainly not women’
Lily,u are trying to perpetuate the age old women victim mentality when it comes to sex…
Why can’t a woman have Cadual sex and consider herself a winner because she ‘fixed’ a fix and got satisfaction outa it?
To not enjoy it is to Allow men to frame the ‘argument’ as if only men enjoy Casual sex.
That’s not fair!
(I am going Balls All In for women today!)
Good morning!
Exiled!
April 18th, 2012
9:08 am
Or is it All Balls In……hmmm
seems better!
Row 125, Seat 11B
April 18th, 2012
9:11 am
Good Morning, Greetings to you all!!!!
Great topic all things considered…. IMHO, I think the key in this type of situation, is to be honest and keep the lines of communication open. In some ways being in this type of relationship requires even more talking that being in a more traditional thing….. Don’t allow for assumptions and a whole lotta fun can be had!!!
czBrat
April 18th, 2012
9:20 am
luv mr. u’s 8:25.
women thought that casual flings don’t get the full “bag of tricks” as boyfriends or husbands
for the record, even “boyfriend” doesn’t get you in like “husband” in my world. absolute boundaries.
Keep the conversation clean and classy!
morning all!
Bill Clinton
April 18th, 2012
9:26 am
I too am hopelessly romantic…That’s why I didn’t have sex with that woman…..Ms. Whatshername…..SO, Ms. Diva, wanna get together ?????
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
9:26 am
czBrat that is the truth.
Exiled!
April 18th, 2012
9:35 am
‘casual flings don’t get the full bag of tricks like husbands’
Well,so why was Tiger getting the much coveted ‘Execuitive shower’ treatment from outside his so called legal union or was that a one off thing..
How about Elliot Spitzer then?
Or Lawrence Taylor?
should I go on….
I doubt wives are consistently tricking the way ‘that hottie’ would or is just greed with ‘those’ people!
Or let me ask you this single ladies,’do u All have a Third sexual gear that u have never engaged that u have Exclusively Reserved for when Mr Right puts a ring on it?! -:)
Hmmmmmm!
Lady? Answer that one for me.
You too Slim?
To think officer doesn’t know a sexual side of u that U can’t wait to Unleash on him when he kneels to propose!
hmmmmmmm
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
9:37 am
Morning lovelies,
For me, boundaries equates to standards. I’m sure by now all of us can get with it and I’m talking full fledge. Still and even so, just because you can and know how doesn’t always means it’s smart to give out causual rides on your merry go round.
Maybe I’m sort of jaded but from my view and just for me, our bodies are temples and should be sacred. And for me casual means casual, committed means committed, exclusive means exclusive….you get what comes with the package. In the casual package intimacy is not included.
BigUn
April 18th, 2012
9:38 am
Nope, once you pass into the “husband” zone, then the only act or bag of tricks that you see is the whole “having sex” item vanishing into thin air and the following acts/tricks appear:
1) I’m tired
2) I have a headache
3) I’m stressed out
4) I have too much to do
5) I have too much on my mind
6) I feel a distubance in The Force
7) Oh good grief, go ahead. Let me know when you’re done.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
9:40 am
Ex BigUn answered it for you just interesting I forgot about that list he listed and all the affairs these happy husbands have………………….but still being marry outweighs the flings IMHO…………….
czBrat
April 18th, 2012
9:44 am
thanx, lady. it may seem trivial to most but dang, vows should come with certain privilege. and i’m not just talking bout the bedroom.
example: i reminded s/o repeatedly to get his crap together and get his taxes done on time. right up until 9:00 last night i was encouraging him to get that extension filed. why? because he’s my s/o.
you best believe after we’re married our paperwork will be in order and filed in a timely manner with or without his attention. cuz THAT’S what i do for my hubs.
Alberta Spruce
April 18th, 2012
9:44 am
To each his/her own. Everyone has needs. Why does satisfying those needs have to be complicated?
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
9:44 am
Hey C!!! I wouldn’t expected you to say anything less sis lol!
SlimNu
April 18th, 2012
9:45 am
Ex I whenever I get to that place of marimony, let’s just say I’ll be ready to RELEASE THE KRACKIN’!!!!!
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
9:46 am
Why does satisfying those needs have to be complicated?<<<<<<<<<<BC most times one party wants more substances and commitment and the goal is through that their needs will be satisfied?!? This is new is it good people?!? #shrugs
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
9:48 am
Hey Lady(bug)! How are you today?
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
9:48 am
meant this isn’t new now is it good people?!? my thoughts are running this morning lol
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
9:49 am
I am well C!!!!
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
9:50 am
Satisfying needs aren’t complicated. But don’t be asking or hoping or seeking or wishing….after the fact…for anything more than
If casual sex is what you can do, I say have at it
Just don’t condemn others that seek, want, deserve and desire more. Ut oh, I said “deserve”
Oh, and what’s up with men telling women what their most secret fantasies are? How do you know? I thought only a woman can tell what a woman SECRETLY desires???
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
9:52 am
Exactly, Celisea. The body is sacred and shouldn’t be given to just anyone because they want it. And, unfortunately, there are titles bestowed upon a relationship as indicated in your post and they all have unique privileges/perks.
Exiled!
April 18th, 2012
9:52 am
Slim..so it’s fair to say he ain’t getting the KRACKING right now..
Hmmmm. wonder what he thinks bout that!
Lady? I said U..not deferring to Mr U’s list…he ain’t a female.
So the current one is just nibbling abd getting the carrot withdrawn but no 5 course sexual meal?
SlimNu
April 18th, 2012
9:53 am
Meant matrimony…blackberry blogging
Rick
April 18th, 2012
9:54 am
@Alberta. It really shouldn’t be complicated, it’s just that certain people MAKE it complicated. All these stigmas, taboos, shouldn’t do’s, can’t do’s, etc. Infidelity is a serious blow, but there are pro/cons to being married as well as being single. I did the married thing once and the changes are mind altering. It’s like everything bad that everyone says would happen once that ring is placed on the finger….happened. I can’t even get close to a wedding ring now without getting a bad reaction. To me, staying single, albet dating just one person, is the only way to fly.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
9:54 am
Leggs –
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
9:54 am
My response is ditto Ex. That is my answer.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
9:58 am
@Rick >>>>>>>>>>(Double standards exist and per James Brown “Its a Man’s Word, it is what it is #life)>>>> All these stigmas, taboos, shouldn’t do’s, can’t do’s, etc. Infidelity is a serious blow, but there are pro/cons to being married as well as being single.
Rick
April 18th, 2012
9:58 am
@Celisia, The poll was taken by women and from women. Look it up! Don’t assume that it’s always men telling women what their secret fantasies are. The poll was a response from WOMEN.
SlimNu
April 18th, 2012
9:58 am
Ex – I don’t think he thinks too much about it honestly. He isn’t one of those guys ruled bor constantly preoccupied by the puddy. He’s more low key than I am.
czBrat
April 18th, 2012
10:03 am
To me, staying single, albet dating just one person, is the only way to fly.
we all go through that after a bad experience. and sometimes we choose to stay there. but sometimes we meet someone worth taking that plunge … again.
simply put, rick, if you’re with a woman who reserves certain sexual experiences for marriage and you find that off-putting, she’s not THE ONE. however, if you find it intriguing and exciting that you could be the man to take her to that place of wide-open gifting, then marriage will no longer be your taboo.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
10:05 am
Rick – I’d love to see the poll…can you post it here?
Really when you marry, you marry. For better or worse, the good bad and the ugly. Don’t go complaining and laying a charge to all women because things went sour. All marriages don’t turn sour so you can’t blame “marriage” nor “all women.” I’d say look at YOUR marriage and YOURSELF and YOUR partner. Own it. And it’s really shallow to say or even be influenced by what “people said would happen.” If you believe and expect it, then so shall it be. Wonder if someone would have said positive things would be the outcome, then you would expected the positive to happen??? Just wondering. Sounds like blaming to me. No one else is there in your marriage but the two of you. If the influences of others are given a front seat, well no wonder.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
10:05 am
“Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.” -Erica Jong
Rick
April 18th, 2012
10:19 am
http://www.lovepanky.com/sensual-tease/fantasy/fantasies-for-women-top-ten-female-fantasies
Exiled!
April 18th, 2012
10:22 am
‘Wide open gifting’
Cz,let’s break that down into what and how…if u don’t mind..
What exactly are the ‘tricks’ reserved for ‘The Special One’?
I think ladies u onto something today…finally,we may have found a solution to man’s marriage phobia..
‘Wide open Gifting Inside Marriageville’
I see a long mans line outside..ready to enter
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
10:27 am
dag I can’t access that link @ work some1 copy and paste and email me it please?!? LOL
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
10:27 am
Alright Rick, I’m a woman..full fledge and I can refute a couple…lol My point is don’t go by everything you read. If they didn’t poll the entire sect or race of women, then you have the fantasy of some…not all
Rape/Molested
Stripper
Group sex
Affair with another woman
Public flashing
Stranger in the bedroom
Several men at once
None of the above really sound appealing to me but hey go for what you want.
Thanks for posting
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
10:29 am
Lady – I accessed via my phone. Can you go through you phone? I’d hate to copy and paste from here. Chile I don’t want to give these folks anything on me…lol
i'm swiss
April 18th, 2012
10:29 am
So, let me see if I follow this logic… If it’s a “casual” relationship, you’ll still f__k him, just not very well. And that makes you less of a ho, somehow.
Well, I guess if that’s the case, give me a head-of-her class, board certified HO.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
10:31 am
i did email the link to myself but my blackberry’s browser is super slow so I don’t have the patience to wait. I will check it out @ home later
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
10:32 am
swiss yous a fool! lol
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
10:32 am
dag interesting C~ sounds like an episode on ID!!!!! lol
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
10:33 am
LOLOL…that’s why I said my casual package does not come with or include intimacy…
Good point
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
10:34 am
Lady – That’s somebody wanting the ole nasty nasty freakums. Why would I want a bunch of men on me. Sounds like running a train to me…ewwwww
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
10:34 am
Morning Lovely Blog People!!
Leggs, you are right, it will be a beautiful day, rain and all!
My opinion/experience with this is thus: In my younger, closer to college days, I did have a few what some may call “casual” hookups. I’m not going to come in here playing all holier than thou now that I am married. I had my “fun”, though that time was quite brief and only happened with about 2 guys. I will tell you that with those 2 casuals, the sex was VERY, VERY BASIC. No “special requests” were entertained at all. It was brief, quick, that’s it. They were not around long enough to even have time to request more. But casual flings were not in my blood and got old very quick.
Now when I dated/relationshiped, even then, no full monty. Sorry, I went further than the flings, but I just didn’t trust the dudes enough to go all out. That’s kinda how I knew none of them were THE ONE.
I knew I had met THE ONE when, before there was even any talk of marriage, I could let this man “go where no man had gone before”! And that, my friends, is MY experience. Just like these dudes don’t shower the garden tool they mess around with with the full rights and priviledges(many of you have said respect must be earned). Same was with me & the casuals. They were all on my terms. No requests honored,sorry!!
czBrat
April 18th, 2012
10:34 am
What exactly are the ‘tricks’ reserved for ‘The Special One’?
you’re not him. you don’t need to know.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
10:36 am
TO each their own C~ Most folks mastering doing them how they see fit. It is the perception of others on how they are doing that makes it complex
i'm swiss
April 18th, 2012
10:37 am
“I knew I had met THE ONE when, before there was even any talk of marriage, I could let this man “go where no man had gone before”!”
kimmie — Sooo…. the butt?
Exiled!
April 18th, 2012
10:40 am
Exactly Swim..,
Coz I was scratching my head after reading Leggs agreement to Cee and wondering,what’ perks’ as alluded in Leggs post would a guy in a Cadual thang be entitled too..but that would still make the woman come outta it still feeling like,well..like she didn’t go All in..
maybe they talking just ‘head’ or ‘just letting him put the tip in’ and then withdraw..
I am confused!
That’s why I prefer All or Nothing….
Not these tricks of hide and show and hide ummm
DJ Sniper
April 18th, 2012
10:41 am
LMBAO@ the comment about “a disturbance in the Force!!!!!”
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
10:42 am
Lady – Exactly. Too it’s not holier than thou if you just haven’t had flings and hookups…lol You just haven’t engaged in such activity. It’s holier than thou if you have/had and lie or ashamed of it.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
10:43 am
and I don’t think the topic is asking for our sex resume either we are grown no explanation needed. Somethings are just understood if you will~
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
10:43 am
MMeello – Actually I agree with what Swiss said. I don’t think you can go half handed or some of the way. Sex is sex. Now just because y’all didn’t make it to the monkey bars out back swinging and going on won’t negate the fact that you had a casual hookup.
Don’t get me wrong, I think folks should do what they feel works for them. Empowerment.
Exiled!
April 18th, 2012
10:45 am
10:37 ditto! Swiss
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
10:46 am
oh boy!
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
10:46 am
Swiss – I’m not getting specific, but it was more than one thing!LOL!! There were some biggies and some not-so-biggies that were small, but significant to me.
It might be something as simple as wearing a certain type of lingerie. Others never earned that priviledge.
czBrat
April 18th, 2012
10:47 am
It’s holier than thou if you have/had and lie or ashamed of it.
and have the nerve to condemn others for the same behavior.
lord knows we certainly don’t have to admit to everything we’ve done in the past, but passing judgment is a whole other kinda stankness.
i'm swiss
April 18th, 2012
10:48 am
kimmie — Well, I’m going to give you some credit & assume that your booty was one of those “not-so-biggies that was small”
Well, at least beforehand. 
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
10:50 am
but passing judgment is a whole other kinda stankness.<amen!
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
10:52 am
Amen!! LOL
Mike P
April 18th, 2012
10:53 am
I agree with Cel and Mmeelo…
All or none, no manipulating games.
“Sex is sex. Now just because y’all didn’t make it to the monkey bars out back swinging and going on won’t negate the fact that you had a casual hookup.”
To hold back is to completely abstain from said activity, no gray areas. and no amount of Jedi-mind acrobatics can a person do to themselves to change what was done into “not-done.”
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
10:54 am
Swiss – To your 10:29, I don’t think there are degrees of ho-dom. Just because I didn’t go all out with dude, he could still classify me a garden tool if that’s what he wants. I really didn’t care at the time, still don’t. It’s not what someone calls me, it’s what I answer to.
I said the whole casual lifestyle when it comes to sex is not in my blood. I did what was comfortable for me. But I’m not going to pretend I never went for casual, because I did, abeit briefly. I’ve just always had a basic mistrust of men, so I was only going to go but so far with a dude until I met one I could truly trust – hubs.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
10:55 am
It’s not what someone calls me, it’s what I answer to.
I like this saying
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
10:56 am
Swiss –
i'm swiss
April 18th, 2012
10:56 am
Well let me just go ahead & come clean. I have done some freaky sh!t in my day, with casual chicks, some of whom I can’t even remember their names. And I have to say… it was fun as heyal!
i'm swiss
April 18th, 2012
10:58 am
kimmie — That’s right, boo, I know you’re tight.
Exiled!
April 18th, 2012
11:00 am
Celisea..actually I agree with u and Swiss….from my experience
The tone of a martiage’s sexual trajectory is set when the two of u are dating.
That’s when u mesh or don’t mesh ur sexual experiences,wants,likes etc…
Once those sexual defaults are set it is hard if not impossible to change them Now while married without raising eye brows in the eyes of the other partner.
‘where did u get that from?’
So to suggest that u date but hold off until the ring is a single woman’s way of playing tricks with herself . Having canal sex with no head does not qualify one to be this over the other ..just feel good mental semantics.
No doubt bout it,head will make me feel good but even if we don’t do it and we break off the relationship or I didn’t hit u doggie or 69 or in the shower or golden…
Ima still claim that I got a notch on u when I bump into u at the mall!
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
11:01 am
#truth either you are for giving or for taking!!
#truth lose your attitude and the problems will follow!
#truth love is consistent, it ’s hate that causes inconsistency!
#truth to not operate in love is to not operate in power!!!
Bluzgirl
April 18th, 2012
11:02 am
I’ve had some flings in the past and I give what I give. I’m definitely more willing to do things with a partner than just a fling. One thing I can’t stand is the notion that sex stops when you get married. I understand that it can slow down because life gets in the way, but when I get married, I want it to stay the same. I will do what I can to keep the spark.
I have had two relationships that just started out a one night thing. That’s not how I want future relationshps to start…it hasn’t worked yet, so why would it work in the future?
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
11:03 am
Ex that was a good assessment~ 11am
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
11:03 am
Swiss – To your 10:56 – There are folks out there that are cool with casual & wild. That’s what you wanted at the time and you had your fun. But folks need to quit tripping on those that don’t want to do that. Don’t put down those that are not down with that. Just go find one that is!
czBrat
April 18th, 2012
11:03 am
just to be clear. i’m not talking about being one way with one person then switching it up with someone else because you want to come off as wholesome or worthy. as it relates to today’s topic, i’m simply saying that certain fantasies and indulgences have not and will not be shared with a man that is not my hubs. does that mean i may go my entire life without satisfying those particular curiosities? maybe. for now, i’m ok with that.
and also, for the record, i think it’s just supercalifragilistic that my man can also have those little somethings he looks forward to sharing with me that he’s done with no one else.
like kimmie said, it can be as simple as making love in the same ol’ way but in an other-worldly setting! there may be women out there who would let any ol’ dude whisk them off to figi to fudge on a public beach. i prefer to share something like that with someone i know i’ll be (happily!) rehashing the experience with a few years down the road.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
11:04 am
One thing I can’t stand is the notion that sex stops when you get married.<<<<<<<<<hmmmmm
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
11:07 am
the weather calls for a bowl of soup and hot tea!
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
11:10 am
Exiled – I didn’t hold off until the ring, but when I felt comfortable and could trust. Only then could I be truly uninhibited.
But people do what they feel comfortable with. And in the past, not only did you wait until the ring, you waited until the vows to even go there, much less showing each other your tricks.
It is something to be said for having a little something to look forward to, since few wait for marriage now.
i'm swiss
April 18th, 2012
11:15 am
I don’t know why, but today’s topic makes me think of this clip from the old Dating Game:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XM5hbS7GlU
i'm swiss
April 18th, 2012
11:23 am
kimmie — RE: 11:03 — This is very true. There are always folks out there who are interested in the same things you are at any given time. Just have to find them.
Exiled!
April 18th, 2012
11:36 am
Enter your comments here
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
12:03 pm
Shout out to Mrs. Tazzee Mae Jenkins~ That chica rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#random
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
12:05 pm
where is every1?!?
Row 125, Seat 11B
April 18th, 2012
12:08 pm
This past weekend, I was told that by my current partner, that
1. She has gotten past the point of being concerned about what anyone wants other than her.
2. Is completely comfortable and in touch with her sexuality and makes no apologies for being so.
3. Understands that some are dismissive of where she is and does not care…..
4. Wants to be involed with a guy that respects where she is and can participate accordingly.
5. Has no bounds between the sheets…..
I found her “Mission Statement” refreshing, and her confidence Magnetic. Her mental state was more attractive than that of nearly any woman I have spent time with in a very long time…. Guess This topic kinda ebbs and flows based on where you are in your life….
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
12:09 pm
that informed consent is serious Row. #interesting
Row 125, Seat 11B
April 18th, 2012
12:18 pm
Lady, I have to tell you….Honestly speaking it was so refreshing and just a little intimidating:) to here her lay it out like that…But she was ultra sexy and super confident…. Draws you in and while I had one thought in mind when I told you guys about this Friday, I have a much greater view and appreciation today….
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
12:19 pm
I see you’re still on topic. I find it amazing that many are essentially saying there aren’t any degrees of separation in terms of how quickly you exhibit your area of expertise. I remember sometime back many of the MLBs saying if a woman showcased all her skills right out the gate, they would wonder if this treatment was given to all the others before him. Others said certain skill sets should be reserved for certain levels of the relationship. Point is everyone’s opinion may change giving how they’re feeling on that particular day. Today, it reads like the men see nothing wrong with showcasing how well you’ve honed your skills no matter the relationship status. The fact that your in a relationship is good enuf. Okey dokey….
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
12:21 pm
Guess This topic kinda ebbs and flows based on where you are in your life….
That would be about right, Row. Or just where your principles are. Cause even back in my “bound” days, I never gave a flip about what other folks thought. I knew I was not everyone’s cup of tea. Take it or leave it.
It does take some people time to come to that attitude, though, and have that confidence in themselves!
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
12:24 pm
chuckle~
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
12:24 pm
Row enjoy her!!!!!!
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
12:26 pm
Leggs – I agree. That’s why, like I said before, I had a basic mistrust of men. They’ll pull that switcharoo on you in a heartbeat! That’s why you have to do what is best for YOU and men be dam–ed. Most are just NOT mature enough to take things to another level unless the 2 of you have really established something, without then looking at YOU in judgement or deeming YOU a garden tool, even though they are a very willing participant!
Make no mistake, I love men. But as a woman, you really have to look out for yourself!
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
12:32 pm
I thought it was not so much in HOW QUICKLY you exhibit but HOW MUCH exhibited or done or shown. I thought the point was you can’t classify “not so casual” from “all out casual” just because you didn’t pull from the bag of tricks, going full fledge. Sort of like saying I almost had sex when you actually had sex……if you completed the deed, it’s still all the way. Going full fledge versus braking off samples would still be considered sex.
I thought Mmeello said if he saw a casual encounter from his past in passing, his thoughts would be he had her….even if it was the basest of encouters. Whereas I thought the women were trying to distinguish encounters as “not quite” because everything in the bag of tricks weren’t used.
I could be wrong but that was my thoughts as well as interpretation. And with that I’ve been known to be wrong
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
12:35 pm
Lady – What did you decide for lunch? I sort of wish they would serve the potato soup again but probably not. I haven’t gone down yet. I could use good soup too
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
12:40 pm
Celisea – I don’t know about the other blog ladies, but mine was not a “not quite”. Not denying what happened, happened, cause like Exiled’s thought, a notch is a notch.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
12:42 pm
i marked you sis yummy porgrsso or progressive soup which ever the name but bacon and potato soup and pringles
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
12:43 pm
here we go with words again. this blog nick name is Words with Friends! ha how fitting. I told yall perception is a mofo! wow
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
12:45 pm
C that was to your 12:32
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
12:45 pm
Kimmie – Frankly if Imma have a casual hook up, I want to pull out all the stops. No point in diving in and going in deep…just saying. I think we all have experiences where really a confessional is not needed. Discussing fine, confessing not so much. I always say for whatever steps or mis-steps in my past, I’m not regretting….ever
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
12:49 pm
Y’all might not believe me saying this but a litte dirt is good for you. That’s what my mama use to say to us as kids.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
12:49 pm
ever, ever <outkast voice* lol
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
12:50 pm
Lady – Chips and soup…not a bad combo huh? LOL
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
12:50 pm
NOT going deep
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
12:51 pm
Celisea – Exactly, do what works or is comfortable for you. I always do.
And I’m not confessing jack on a blog! I’m just amazed at the shift in positions from the mens, is all. Not surprised, but it’s funny.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
12:51 pm
Kimmie – LOL…I feel ya
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
12:55 pm
@Celisea ~ yeah, although I did say “how quickly,” I definitely meant how much you showcase your talents. That’s the gist of what I was attempting to convey.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
12:57 pm
Leggs – I gotcha. I was just giving what or how I thought the menfolk were seeing or understood what the women were saying.
But that shouldn’t stop the discussion. I say folks toss it out there if you have a story to tell or what your thoughts are surrounding going casual.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
12:58 pm
I like what Bluzgirl said…she went straight to it…lol
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
12:59 pm
Row gave a his story and its working for him C!
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
1:04 pm
Mr. Unknown actually gave what I feel is the way a lot of men feel. They’ll do “whatever, whereever” as far as you take them, as quick as you let them, but there’s a little voice in the back of their heads. They are a willing participant, but still judging. That’s why I said most are not mature enough to handle a “no holds barred” casual encounter with a confident woman.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
1:09 pm
yep kimmie that is it in a nutshell! your 1:04 its the way of the land.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
1:09 pm
Lady – Chile I say let folks do what works for them. If you hit the jackpot between the sheets, I say she/he’s a keeper.
Kimmie – Yep, I agree. They will tell you to let loose but I don’t think most can see that and not think otherwise. Remember talking about empowered and some saying they wouldn’t see a woman any differently? I don’t buy into that either. I think if “hookups” are something you can do or swing go for it but don’t believe the hype that you’re still seen or viewed one way in their eyes.
Empowerment
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
1:09 pm
seems time is slow paced today!
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
1:10 pm
I can’t stop laughing!
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
1:10 pm
Alright, it’s lunchtime
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
1:14 pm
Did anyone see Private Practice last night? It comes on on Tuesdays now, because Scandal took its Thursday spot. You see it Leggs? It was pretty good.
Mike P
April 18th, 2012
1:19 pm
@kimmie: per your 1:04pm post…change the “still judging” to vetting. Most men can indeed handle a “no holds barred” casual encounter with a chick. We just don’t want to marry that same chick. whether we want to admit it or not, but MOST of us don’t really want commit to a Ho, we can’t possess a Ho, therefore we can’t love (in commitment) to her, well not fully anyways (talking about holding back).. just my honest opinion. sad but its the truth
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
1:25 pm
I saw it kimmie! It was very good. Heck, I’m even happy for slutty, confused Addison.
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
1:25 pm
Mike P – I rest my case. That’s all I was trying to say and you said it all! Thanks.
I’ve always felt most men thought that way and that, along with my basic distrust of men, is why I saved “higher risk behavior” or significant initimate actions for the man I trust and love. He was the first and only man that showed real maturity.
If we BOTH worked in the garden, we BOTH got our hands dirty! Not just the man!
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
1:28 pm
Ooops, meant “not just the WOMAN” with dirty hands!!
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
1:29 pm
Leggs – I’m happy for Addison too! Even though she’s a skank, I think she’ll be a good mom!LOL! I’m just very sorry she kissed Sam again!! I’m begining to hate him!
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
1:42 pm
Leggs – Do you watch The Biggest Loser?
Do any of you on the blog?
Mike P
April 18th, 2012
1:48 pm
likewise, because of the behavior and actions of many women… men will distrust women. we can’t be friends if we are not friendly, it really is that simple. a trusting women/man will be treated far better than a suspicious, distrusting one, provided of course, the man/woman knows how to choose his/her woman/man.
Bluzgirl
April 18th, 2012
1:49 pm
This day is just crawling by. I don’t like this weather because I just want to be curled up in bed! I got a new mattress last night and I wanted to stay in it longer this morning! The good thing, though, is that my boss took the day off, so it’s nice and relaxed here today!
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
1:53 pm
Bluz – What kind of new mattress did you get, if you don’t mind me asking? We are trying to decide what kind to get and would like some reviews/suggestions.
DJ Sniper
April 18th, 2012
1:55 pm
As a man, I always find it strange when other men pass judgement on a woman that they sleep with on the first night, or a woman who opens up her bag of tricks rather early. Those men are participants as well, so what does that say about them?
Me, I’ve had a couple of relationships develop out of sex on the first night. Even though those relationships didn’t work out, us having sex on the first night didn’t factor into the break ups at all.
Fion
April 18th, 2012
1:56 pm
Chick: I’m not like that anymore and I’m trying to turn my life around.
Dude: But didn’t you use to run witt Smoke an’nem and The Wild 100?
Chick: Yeah, but I told you I’m changing my life.
Dude: I got some Purple flowers at the house wanna come by
and burn a couple?
Chick: ok!
Exiled!
April 18th, 2012
2:00 pm
Ditto C
Ditto Kimmie,a notch is a notch
Men have never changed..when they look at a chic and do the approach,in their minds,they have gone to bed with her already!
The approach is just a way to formalize the proceedings!
Otherwise consider yourselves lucky ladies..coz if society allowed it,men wld look at you,snatch the pudsy and then run to go deal with it.
Men will talk a lot about a chic they sexed but went away..whether it was a one niter or an after three month rule sex romp. It’s their nature.
@Row
So how was breakfast Saturday morning?
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
2:00 pm
DJ – You are a mature man.
Bluzgirl
April 18th, 2012
2:01 pm
Kimmie…I had first purchased the Tempurpedic Contour…didn’t like it, so traded it for the Tempurpedic Cloud. Didn’t love it. For the money, I decided that if I didn’t love it, it was time to try something else. I ended up trading it for a Stearns & Foster plush top. When I tried it in the store, it felt like a cloud. It’s a little firmer now, but will soften over the next month or so. I sure loved it last night!
czBrat
April 18th, 2012
2:01 pm
stu·pid·i·ty (stoo-pidi-tee)
n. pl. stu·pid·i·ties
1. The quality or condition of being stupid.
2. A stupid act, remark, or idea.
3. FION!
Lady~
April 18th, 2012
2:02 pm
Fion lol too funny~ a rose is still a rose lol
Bluzgirl
April 18th, 2012
2:04 pm
One thing I figured is that you shouldn’t skimp on a bed and I might as well spend the money now on a good mattress, rather than having to replace every 5 years or so…
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
2:04 pm
Bluz – Thanks! That helps alot!
Fion
April 18th, 2012
2:06 pm
Aye man, it’s laughable to watch some women over think their Punanie.
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
2:09 pm
@kimmie ~ I watch the Biggest Loser (my motivation). Yes, I saw the mutiny. I don’t blame them even though it was in their contracts. Morally, it didn’t sit well with the two that left.
Bluzgirl
April 18th, 2012
2:10 pm
Kimmie…if I wanted to spend 4-6K, then the Tempurpedic would probably be worth it, but their bottom of the line ones (still very expensive) are way too firm!!!
Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB
April 18th, 2012
2:14 pm
What up all…trying to catch up…Lets see who is Empowered today, and who is crabbing?
Exiled!
April 18th, 2012
2:17 pm
DJ that’s what All men do,trying to expropriate a Holier than thou ground.
A dude will call a chic he been sleeping with ‘biatch’ just coz he feels aggrieved. If she truly a biatch then he a biatch fcker or biaatch as well.
It don’t change none same way some woman will want to ‘hurt’ a man by saying that the kid ain’t
his,after they have fallen out.
She forgetting that the ‘confession’ actually means that she a philanderer!
a biatch.
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
2:19 pm
Leggs – Then you & I are just the opposite, because I thought their attitude was WAY over the top! They bring someone back every season and it is the show’s option to do whatever they want with THEIR show! I think this group has be reprehensible! Morals?!! It’s a TV SHOW for crying out loud! They have been living in the lap of luxury with access to hollywood trainers and the best food in the world, trips to Hawaii & the White House, hollywood makeovers, cash prizes and last night chick won a new car! Talking about who deserved to be there – the folks working out at home had a much harder time than they have had!
I’m really about to put the show down!! I’ve never seen a more spoiled group of contestants on any reality show ever!!
czBrat
April 18th, 2012
2:22 pm
he a biatch fcker
i can’t mess with ya’ll no more today. just can’t.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
2:27 pm
I am torn. I have two friends within the company wanting the spot that just opened on my floor. One I think will be a dynamite but the other I feel is more deserving. The one I think will be a dynamite, grant she’s in her late 30s but have soooo much to learn about when and when not to….and all the time and “when”
The other is a bit more docile but is a hard worker and have been tossed up the bus something awful but recovered beautifully by doing the “when not to” She’s wanting to come up after work Thursday and we work on her resume.
The other is sort of pushing her way. She’s been poking around and just asked again if I wasn’t busy to come up. Not only that but she called me last night. Not sure what she wanted but I was “unavailable.” Any who this one gets awful reviews for her not knowing when and just all the time ain’t a good time to buck or never feels she’s wrong. Not only that but she heads to apparel mart when she wants, get her nails done when she wants, all without using personal time nor letting anyone know…that kind of stuff. In this group everybody pretty much does what they want…all managers for the various groups here are in different states. But with this kind of freedom you REEEAAALLLY gotta be disciplined and not see this as an opportunity.
So what to do and who to hope for???
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
2:27 pm
I also think something underhanded was up with Kim losing 15 pounds in one week, small as she has gotten. Something is just not right with that!
Mo (aka Moeisha)
April 18th, 2012
2:29 pm
Afternoon All!
So whats good everybody!!
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
2:30 pm
I meant and all the time ain’t a “when”
I also meant toss under the bus
czBrat
April 18th, 2012
2:37 pm
celisea, probably somethiing that’s come with age on my part, but i’ve learned to value dedication over dazzle. i was initially leaning toward ms. dynamite; but as i read your description of each, i like the long-term potential of the one who’s learning her lessons (and applying them) as she goes.
then again, i just have a soft spot in my heart for the “docile” types.
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
2:40 pm
Celisea – Sometimes it’s about more than just ability. Yeah, dyno lady could do the job & she’s your friend, but she’s one I wouldn’t stick my neck out for. She’s not professional, though the ability is there. She doesn’t know how to play the game.
I’ve been exactly where you are. Business is business. Feed dyno with a long handled spoon on this, but help the other lady. Try to stay under the radar as best you can with the whole thing though.
Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB
April 18th, 2012
2:46 pm
On topic…if you are casualing sexing someone, ya’ll aren’t committed to anything but satisfaction, go all the way in…every hole you can get it in….at least that what I used to do…with that said, if she did go all out the way I wanted, she went into my fugg buddy box..once in there, you are in there…. because you cannot turn one into a housewife…and no I am not judging the girls who were free spirits, but that was where our connections stayed and we both liked it just that way….wasn’t bout to mess up none of my fo sho puddy with any, lets be more than friends talk…learned how to be quiet and enjoy in my early early 20’s.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
2:47 pm
czBrat – I’m leaning towards the docile. She’s been here a long time and is on the floor where folks are shackled…lol She deserves better. Too when I was in that group, my job was independant of theirs because I worked a government desk alone…by myself, reconciliation and all and she’s inherited. The point though is that this newly opened role intertwines with the group she’s currently in. I was telling to spin it from that perspective and show how she can seamlessly transition using the knowlegde she’s already attained in having been hands on.
The other chick and I have hung out a few times. Folks think I’m brash…..good Lord she is over the top. I brash in speaking my mind but I don’t buck the system. She bucks…constantly. And is outright disrespectful of the process, the system, her manager and her teammates. She stopped speaking to me for awhile because I sat her down and told about her conduct at work and behavior. Oh and let’s not forget tossing everybody in hell that crosses her..lol I told her and she didn’t say a word but was fuming. Everybody else runs or gossips about her so I told her, I’m telling you what folks won’t tell you. She’s calmed down a lot but she’s got a ways to do. I told her she needs to make amends with her manager because ultimately it’s going to be that landing that causes her to crap all the way out or land the position. Too, she’s angry beyond angry that her manager looked out for “her folks” and got one promoted to an role bigger than hers (the manager) and the other other promoted up out of there. I personally don’t play the butt kissing game but I told her she needs to bend…humble pie works wonders when you need humility on your behalf.
I’m going to do the other coworker’s resume so much so that it will at least catch an eye. The other worker is ultimately who I’m going for. The other/docile one even came to the house when my dad died and his funeral. She’s good people. We’re gonna work wonders on her resume.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
2:48 pm
Kimmie – I’m just seeing your post. My thoughts and decision exactly. The other lady is cool as ever.
Robert
April 18th, 2012
2:52 pm
“Should a dating relationship that is casual have the same sexual boundaries as a committed relationship?”
“Casual” and “committed” can co-exist without blurring the boundary lines. It depends on your definition of “casual” and your level of maturity. For example I know ex-married women who would rather have a “casual” relationship that meets all their personal needs (great sex without pressure, adult conversations, financial help without consequences, escape from reality, etc) than be in another “committed” relationship. “Casual” means freedom to make your own choices.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
2:53 pm
The other thing she has no discretion about is she loves to bad mouth the job…when folks are passing by!!!! That’s a NO NO NO NO!!!
Honey the good Lord landed this job in my lap when my kid was almost 2, I was laid off work and doing nothing. I went in and blew them away. Before I got back home there was a message. It was entry level and paid nothing but that was nothing to me. I needed to work, I needed insurance, I needed the benefits. I’m ever grateful. I don’t like everything and too have gotten a bad deal all because of doing my own thing and not eating out of folks’ ass but it only causes HIM to watch over me and hold it down for me. Too, HE can hear and I don’t think he’d take to kind to you bad mouthing the blessing he bestowed. So I moves (yes…with an s) away from her with all that crap.
Okay…that’s all
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
2:54 pm
Celisea – Dyno has not learned that it’s a way to get what you want and play the game without brown-nosing.
Sometimes slow & steady wins the race!
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
2:55 pm
Kimmie – Exactly. Funny she said her mom told her that she would never be fortunate to get out of there unless she submitted and becomes respectful. I chuckled to myself and thought, you ain’t gotta be shame, go on and humble. It will only do you good.
Exiled!
April 18th, 2012
3:00 pm
Cee…but if we were to mesh your dynamo friend into the MisAdventures lexicon MLB wld say she the one with the fiya bootey,based on her character you describe.
That’s a one time knocker every dude wants to have on their notch!
How she look,physically..
(kinda on Cee topic.
)
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
3:01 pm
Celisea – I see it in play every day. People that are excellent at what they do, but have made such a bad rep for themselves and rubbed the wrong person the wrong way. They never live it down and never get promoted or even get allowed to make a LATERAL move into another area.
I don’t kiss up, but I am the consummate professional. I respect everyone, do what I need to do, and when the time calls for it, sell myself. Not brag really, but let my work and my persona speak for itself. Tend to my own business, but keep my ears open.
It’s a fine dance, but I’ve got it down!
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
3:04 pm
MMeello – LOL…stoooooop
I don’t know if you want this one. Usually dudes have to get mean to make her go away. This is the one where I caught her with an edible arrangement she was buying for some pastor (y’all remember) and it was NOTHING, absolutely nothing between them. I’d just told her don’t start out buying him stuff cause he ain’t your man….yet. I was getting on the elevator and she was getting on, on that floor and I said wow…is that yours. She told but she was ashamed and K.I.M. Now you know if she got “shame” she knew better. LOL She’s a good looking gal. Late 30ies, no kids, condo, paid for Accord and bought a benz last year. She just falls hard but with no control. It’s cool to fall hard but you gotta know how to hold it.
czBrat
April 18th, 2012
3:05 pm
she would never be fortunate to get out of there unless she submitted and becomes respectful.
see. i wasn’t gonna go there, but how to succeed at work is not all that different from home.
but as we way here all the time, do what works for YOU.
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
3:07 pm
@kimmie ~ the point is they knew it was in their contracts, but as it got closer to the finish line they said morally they couldn’t continue if someone new was coming back. Someone who had been home with their families not sacrificing the same way. Those were his morals and his thought, I had to give it to him.
But yes, they have been spoiled and there have been many perks given on the show.
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
3:10 pm
@kimmie ~ Kim looks great. But I have ALWAYS wondered about that scale. Hell, I just pulled a car a good block but she loses 15 lbs. How about losing 12 lbs one week then gaining 2 the next but you’re doing more cardio, exercise and a better diet. I understand you’ll gain muscle before you start losing, but that scale is rigged.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
3:10 pm
Kimmie – I had a response to your 3:01 but I’m just realizing I used (again) re pu ta tion….that word will get your post eaten
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
3:12 pm
“…..good Lord she is over the top. I brash in speaking my mind but I don’t buck the system. She bucks…constantly. And is outright disrespectful of the process, the system, her manager and her teammates.”
Don’t you see your answer in that statement?
Exiled!
April 18th, 2012
3:14 pm
Cee..I see her running her mouth wild if she gets the job…making enemies of those she left behind
I see her running her mouth even more if she loses the job,complaining and yada yada about how folks not as good get promoted in ‘this’ company.
You can’t win this one.
She toxic!
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
3:18 pm
Someone who had been home with their families not sacrificing the same way.
Leggs – I just can’t see it! When you go home, you have to deal with all the stuff that landed you on the Biggest Loser in the first place. Unsupportive family and friends, food temptations, work issues, health issues, raising kids, finding time to exercise, the whole nine! If you are able to work thru all that and STILL lose weight, I applaud you! When you’re on the BL ranch, you have absolutely nothing to concentrate on but yourself and your weight loss.
This group treated the AA brother & sister that EARNED their spot back on the ranch earlier like CRAP!! They have been ugly from the get-go. They don’t get to make the rules for a show they can only benefit from.
All that not wanting to play anymore if they don’t like the rules from a GIFT is childish!
All the reality shows I’ve watched – Project Runway, Survivor, Top Chef – they all have brought back eliminated contestants in some way.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
3:18 pm
Leggs – Yep….absolutely. I still talk with her and try to coach but I’m going in for the other one.
Meelloo – You don’t want NONE of her. Like I said, she’s a good looking gal but she’s over the top. And VERY spoiled.
And another post eaten…I give up on that one…lol
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
3:20 pm
I have another engagement after work and really in this weather, I just want to go home…
This is a good time for putting on jammies and doing nothing
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
3:21 pm
Soooooo….did Row 125 tell of his adventures? I thought this morning he said he had a steady? I think that’s called cheating…lol
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
3:22 pm
Leggs – Kim is starting to look hard. And the smaller you get the harder it is to lose, especially double-digits. They rig that scale to create drama on the show!
Fion
April 18th, 2012
3:23 pm
@Kimmie
“It’s a fine dance, but I’ve got it down”
Way, way back when I was starting out in Corp. life one of the best Mgrs. I ever had told me about the Corp. game and I’ve kept it in my back pocket.
“You can not like the Corp game, but you can’t decide not to play.”
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
3:23 pm
Has anyone tried Fat Matts? I have a coworker in NC asking me if I’ve been there.
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
3:24 pm
“Unsupportive family and friends, food temptations, work issues, health issues, raising kids, finding time to exercise, the whole nine! If you are able to work thru all that and STILL lose weight, I applaud you!” – I can see if. Depending how long you’ve been on BL before being voted off, hopefully you have gained some level of discipline. If not, then your weight issues are yours and no one else’s. If you keep looking for a scapegoat no doubt you’ll find one. Don’t blame it on your surroundings, blame it on yourself.
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
3:26 pm
Fion – Absolutely!! Gotta play. The good thing is, the better you get at it, the easier time of it you have. Less stressful!
Bluzgirl
April 18th, 2012
3:26 pm
Cel…Fat Matt’s is INCREDIBLE!!!! I absolutely LOVE their food and the music is awesome no matter what night you go.
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
3:27 pm
I want to go home after work, but all this talk about Bigglest Loser is making my stick with my gym plans.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
3:28 pm
Thanks bluz
Would I be lying if I did a copy and paste? I kid. I told her I’ll check them out but I needed to know if it was worth the trip. Maybe I’ll try and swing by in the next couple of weeks.
Thanks hon
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
3:28 pm
Leggs – I agree, ultimately it’s up to you. But if your morals are that high, you really shouldn’t be doing reality tv anyway and you should pay better attention to what you sign your name to…..
just sayin
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
3:30 pm
Speaking of gyms, they offered me a deal to do 20 workout sessions for $100. I was on the fence because I’m thinking I could just buy a treadmill and call it a day. I’m on the fence but I gotta do something. I feel absolutey wonderful when I walk….outside Especially if it’s not too hot and I can walk say 2 or 3 miles. I don’t want to get a treadmill and use it say a couple of months and then nothing. I figured I could always put in a movie so I’m distracted.
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
3:33 pm
You have a point there, kimmie! Morals should keep most folk away from reality tv.
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
3:37 pm
Cel – Well if you do decide to get the treadmill then end up using it as a clothes rack, I will gladly take it off your hands lol
I’m so sleepy…slept like crap last night
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
3:38 pm
Celisea – If you get a treadmill, be prepared to spend money on a good one. There are worse things than non-use because if you see yourself not using it, you could sell it. But a cheap one will only frustrate you and set you back further. Otherwise, you may as well go with the gym deal, cause that’s not bad. Other factors, such as convenience come into factor too.
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
3:38 pm
$100 is a bargain. Even with a treadmill at home, nothing like motivating yourself with people around you. Unless you are truly disciplined, exercising by yourself will start and feel great, then it will start and wane off.
Bluzgirl
April 18th, 2012
3:39 pm
Cel…you will not regret it! Their ribs and mac & cheese are my favorite. When you go, report back what you think. It did get a mention in the movie “Up In the Air” from George Clooney!
Mo (aka Moeisha)
April 18th, 2012
3:39 pm
Celisea – Fat Matts is awesome!! I havent been there in a while but I need to go!
Jake – I agree with that 2:46 homie! “..once in there, you are in there…. because you cannot turn one into a housewife’….as I like to say, you cannot promote up. That goes for guys too, stay in ya lane pimp.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
3:39 pm
Slim – LOL…that’s what I was trying to avoid…becoming a clothes rack. My brother has a huge one that they NEVER use. About a year or so work had really slacked off (he’s self employed), I hit him at the right time almost. I tried to buy off his hands. He said he felt like a crackhead because he was about to let me have it for $50…lol Of course he’s the family comedian. He changed his mind at the last minute because my SIL uses….EVEEEEEVRY BLUE MOON….he claims.
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
3:42 pm
I’m about to make a lifestyle change. I’ve been gearing up to this for awhile.
Bert on the Bert Show was talking about the film Forks Over Knives and how it changed his life. It promotes vegetarianism, but in a non-threatening way. I ordered the book & the blu ray on Amazon and should have it today when I get home.
I don’t see going full veg, but I am definitely cutting back. I already eat rather healthy, but want to do some tweaking to really see a difference in my health and well-being.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
3:42 pm
Kimmie/Leggs – I REAAALY want the treadmill but yep, motiviation is key for me. I do better in a gym…when I do get around to going…lol But when I’m there it’s the t.v. that keeps me going so that’s why I thought buy one and watch movies while walking. I’ve checked out a few already.
Mo/Bluz – That’s all I need to hear. Both y’all can’t be leading me wrong. Imma have to check it out for real. Maybe I can round up some folks for lunch… Okay cool…thanks!!
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
3:44 pm
Except for Sunday, dinner has been at the house the last few days. My kid was feening and texting me yesterday to stop and pick something up. When I got there with no food in hand she looked shocked…lol She got right to cooking. I didn’t eat. Wasn’t hungry. Had a few chips though
Row 125, Seat 11B
April 18th, 2012
3:46 pm
Celisea, The person I spoke of this morning IS the lady from this weekend…..No she is not a steady, but we talked and found enough common ground to catch up for lunch on Sunday then to find a quiet place and get not so quiet…. She is hella cool and made no apologies for wanting to be in “less traditional” situation…Plus whe does pilates!!!!
Saw her in the elevator this morning and she just said “Good Morning” Mr. Row… and I smiled and said Good Morning to you Ma’am……We are planning on geting together 2morrow. I have late meeting, she has plans with her children..Catching up after for a night cap….
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
3:46 pm
So with regards to the h0 into a housewife comment…so if a chick waits a while to fugg you but when she does, she’s doing all kinds of things, does she still get considered as a h0 that goes into the nonhousewive file???
i'm swiss
April 18th, 2012
3:46 pm
So, maybe I’ve just led a sheltered life, but honestly, what are all these extra “tricks” some of you ladies save up for that someone special? Are we just talking about being willing to do certain acts, like oral, back door, etc., or maybe indulging in public, etc.? Or do some of y’all have some secret gymnastics moves that you bust out on that special someone?
I know from my experience, it’s more about a different level of enthusiasm, and comfort with pleasuring every part of our bodies. Well, that and then there’s Mrs. Swiss’ Gumby-like yoga moves…
Which of you ladies can land the triple axle, though, that’s what I wanto to know.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
3:49 pm
All I know is, I’m afraid to do things that will bruise or injure or hurt worse coming out than going in.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
April 18th, 2012
3:51 pm
Are we just talking about being willing to do certain acts, like oral, back door, etc., or maybe indulging in public, etc.? Or do some of y’all have some secret gymnastics moves that you bust out on that special someone?
Both..at least for me anyway.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
April 18th, 2012
3:55 pm
I’m afraid to do things that will bruise or injure or hurt worse coming out than going in.
Well Celi my rules of thumb are: Never draw any blood, break any skin or leave any marks or bruises…any visible marks or bruises that a shirt or pair of pants can’t cover….don’t judge me. Granted, every session isn’t going to be like that but there are times where it very well could go there.
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
3:55 pm
RIP Dick Clark…he did the damn thang until he couldnt do it anymore
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
3:58 pm
Sassy – I hear ya! LOL I can’t be left tattered and bruised.
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
3:58 pm
Sassy – Those bruises make for some good rehashing stories the next day when you actually discover them. I’ll tell ya one thing, them chins are no joke
Row 125, Seat 11B
April 18th, 2012
3:58 pm
OK can one of the ladies answer this for me….If you are not willing to do the porn star tricks when you are just dating, then what makes us think you are gonna be ok with them after marriage? And how are you going to get really good at it if you are not practicing regularly???
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
4:01 pm
Slim – Interesting question
Swiss – Could be those things and more, at least for me. But you hit on the main point for me, which is the comfort level. I mean, if we BOTH decide to hit the beach naked and top things off on the patio, I don’t want to have to worry that it might show up on FB the next day or you tube.
That’s just an updated example, in tune with the times!LOL!!
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
4:04 pm
Tell me men, what do YA’LL do to keep the chemistry going in the bedroom (or where ever it is you like to do it) It just seems like women always have to ‘bring the tricks, A-game, etc” to keep it going.
i'm swiss
April 18th, 2012
4:05 pm
kimmie — Allegedly, right?
Swiss now scouring YouTube for that kimmie on the beach video…
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
4:06 pm
Row – I only said extras are not open to “casual” situations. And dating/relationships only went but so far, until future hubs came along.
With him I didn’t wait for a ring. He showed me his maturity level and made me feel at ease, established trust.
As for your question, that’s a chance you take unless you find one like your current! See how lucky you are!
i'm swiss
April 18th, 2012
4:08 pm
Slim — No, no. Dudes always have to bring the A game, that’s a given. We don’t have the option of just laying there. Well, not usually, anyway.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
April 18th, 2012
4:09 pm
then what makes us think you are gonna be ok with them after marriage?
Two key words…after marriage…so that may be the incentive.
And how are you going to get really good at it if you are not practicing regularly???
Umm if you’re all of that then you lead and let her follow…exercise patience for your h0usewife silly wabbit
Those bruises make for some good rehashing stories the next day when you actually discover them.
Yes they sure do
Celi I can’t be all tattered n bruised either…I gotta work.
i'm swiss
April 18th, 2012
4:10 pm
Oh, and for the right chic, I’ll toss her salad for her. Just as an example, that is…
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:11 pm
Sassy – LOLOL Okaaaay, can’t come up in here with stuff broken.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
April 18th, 2012
4:11 pm
Tell me men, what do YA’LL do to keep the chemistry going in the bedroom
We usually get crickets on questions like these…most of the blog men wouldn’t dare answer…
Watch and see…it’ll just be the same one or two..
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:12 pm
Umm if you’re all of that then you lead and let her follow…exercise patience for your h0usewife silly wabbit
Thank you!!!
Row 125, Seat 11B
April 18th, 2012
4:14 pm
kimmie, I will grant you I am feeling pretty lucky..But she is not my anything lol!!! She is 51 and I am nearly 36….. The show is on and popping and I will ride this ride until they close the park…But at some point, I am confident, the park will close……
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:14 pm
That’s because it’s like someone said, it’s on the woman. Porn star, acrobatics, gynmist, exhibitionist…all of the above with the onus of keeping him interested.
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
4:15 pm
Oh no, Dick Clark died?
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
4:16 pm
Alright then, Row!!!
Use me till you use me up!!!
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
4:17 pm
@Row ~ I thought most said they don’t want to do those tricks right out the gate. They’re very knowledgeable in the technique and curl toe factor, just not deserving of such delights upon first opening the gate.
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
4:19 pm
BTW Row, I didn’t read the first 2 or 3 pages so glad you had a good time on your tryst.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
April 18th, 2012
4:22 pm
Dick Clark died?
Awww
Row 125, Seat 11B
April 18th, 2012
4:27 pm
Leggs, when we met on Friday all we did was listen to the music, vibe, and kinda feel each other out. Took that first few hrs to see if there was any sort of chemistry….There was….and after putting in work like a hebrew slave….There still is……
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:29 pm
So Row – You already know it’s going to serve for what it is. Have you told her that you’re not planning on making too much with her? I’m asking in all seriousness. Just wondering if she’ll start to hope there’s a possibility when you already know (and ain’t that something), that you’re gonna get the gettings until you’re done.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:30 pm
I guess I would be curious to know if she’s thinking along the same lines and say “cool”…let’s ride it out. Or if she’ll back up and reconsider.
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
4:35 pm
Dudes always have to bring the A game, that’s a given. We don’t have the option of just laying there. Well, not usually
Is that how yall really view it, that women, for the most part, just lays there??? Just had this debate over the weekend. Chicks really aren’t at least trying to throw it back???
Row 125, Seat 11B
April 18th, 2012
4:36 pm
Celisea, Thats it…she told me….. According to her, she loves her life. At this point she does not want or need the stress associated with a traditional relationship…Just wants to hang when we hang, deal when we deal, and have a man that capable of catching all that she is bringing without getting sprung and loosing his mind….
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
4:37 pm
Random: I really think about 20 new gray hairs grow nightly in my head. WTH!
Yes Dick Clark died of a massive heart attack…so we’ll be seeing reruns of old New Years Eve shows, American Band stand etc…
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
4:39 pm
Took that first few hrs to see if there was any sort of chemistry….There was….and after putting in work like a hebrew slave….
WOW, only a few hours and you felt you worked like a Hebrew slave??
i'm swiss
April 18th, 2012
4:39 pm
Slim — No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying they *could* just lay there & the deed could still get done. Not so for dudes, generally.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:39 pm
Row – Seems to me you’ve hit the jack pot…enjoy!
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:41 pm
WOW, only a few hours and you felt you worked like a Hebrew slave??
I laughed at this…lol
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:42 pm
Talk about falling in line with today’s topic. That’s “casual” on another level…lol
czBrat
April 18th, 2012
4:42 pm
i think i’ll come out and play for the rest of the day. unless something last-minute lands on my desk.
can’t believe ya’ll are still on topic so late in the day. i’m impressed.
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
4:42 pm
Leggs – I was thinking the same thing about “Hebrew slave” after only a few hours.
Flag on the play!!!
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:43 pm
Sho nuff….whew Lawd
czBrat
April 18th, 2012
4:44 pm
Just wants to hang when we hang, deal when we deal, and have a man that capable of catching all that she is bringing without getting sprung and loosing his mind….
that was my tagline three years ago. now look at me.
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
4:45 pm
Must have really wanted to sample that piece of cake. Working that hard, I can only imagine the sweat stains you had to endure to get her to buckle. Sounds like you worked harder than she did. All jokes aside, nothing’s more pleasing when you find a willing participant.
Row 125, Seat 11B
April 18th, 2012
4:47 pm
Thats right…. Three or fours hrs of BRING THE WOOD like my name was Paul Bunyun…… Now I guess y’all gonna say that thats the norm….. Right……
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
April 18th, 2012
4:49 pm
Is that how yall really view it, that women, for the most part, just lays there???
I call that the coffin ride
Really though, to just lay there like that…umm no. Where they do that at?!
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:49 pm
Row – Careful now, wouldn’t want you to give yourself away…lol
Where’s Mmeello – He had so much anticipation built up Friday I thought he was going to burst…lol
Robert
April 18th, 2012
4:52 pm
@Row 125, Seat 11B – “She is 51 and I am nearly 36…..”
Youngman stop by the CVS, WalMart, or Home Depot and get a bottle of “cougar spray” which is right next to the pesticides. Make sure you spray your car seat, clothes and furniture. Chanel #5 will stay in your car, furniture and clothes for a very long time.
czBrat
April 18th, 2012
4:58 pm
If you are not willing to do the porn star tricks when you are just dating, then what makes us think you are gonna be ok with them after marriage? And how are you going to get really good at it if you are not practicing regularly?
i’m not necessarily claiming to have a bag of tricks or that i’m tantalizing s/o with promised pleasures that others may (or may not) have enjoyed. for me, “boundaries” means waiting to share certain experiences with my hubs. more like fulfilling each others’ fantasies or creating joint fantasies that we would not want to explore outside of marital vows.
and how bout you should already be marriage-minded about your chick w/o giving consideration to sex perks. if you’re enamored enough to want to wed her as-is, then any potential for extra freakness after nuptials is just icing.
and any lack thereof shouldn’t have you looking for an annulment.
yous been fun. get home safely.
ciao!
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
4:59 pm
Coffin ride
lol
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
April 18th, 2012
5:00 pm
Ciao cz and the rest of the blog familia!!