Let’s talk about sex: Boundaries
Should a dating relationship that is casual have the same sexual boundaries as a committed relationship? I ask because there was a debate between a couple of friends who had their unique ideas about boundaries in the bedroom.
If I summarized their beliefs by gender, women thought that casual flings don’t get the full “bag of tricks” as boyfriends or husbands. They certainly don’t entertain the idea of special requests, threesomes, or anything closely resembling extra work.
The men, however, thought that if there was some physical contact, why not make it as good as it can be. Many them argued, “When you relax your boundaries, isn’t it win-win?”
Personally, I am a hopeless romantic, which means I want to actually be in love before I talk about boundaries and explore with someone. What do you think? Are your boundaries in the bedroom driven by the level of commitment you have or don’t have?
Keep the conversation clean and classy!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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250 comments Add your comment
Row 125, Seat 11B
April 18th, 2012
3:46 pm
Celisea, The person I spoke of this morning IS the lady from this weekend…..No she is not a steady, but we talked and found enough common ground to catch up for lunch on Sunday then to find a quiet place and get not so quiet…. She is hella cool and made no apologies for wanting to be in “less traditional” situation…Plus whe does pilates!!!!
Saw her in the elevator this morning and she just said “Good Morning” Mr. Row… and I smiled and said Good Morning to you Ma’am……We are planning on geting together 2morrow. I have late meeting, she has plans with her children..Catching up after for a night cap….
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
3:46 pm
So with regards to the h0 into a housewife comment…so if a chick waits a while to fugg you but when she does, she’s doing all kinds of things, does she still get considered as a h0 that goes into the nonhousewive file???
i'm swiss
April 18th, 2012
3:46 pm
So, maybe I’ve just led a sheltered life, but honestly, what are all these extra “tricks” some of you ladies save up for that someone special? Are we just talking about being willing to do certain acts, like oral, back door, etc., or maybe indulging in public, etc.? Or do some of y’all have some secret gymnastics moves that you bust out on that special someone?
I know from my experience, it’s more about a different level of enthusiasm, and comfort with pleasuring every part of our bodies. Well, that and then there’s Mrs. Swiss’ Gumby-like yoga moves…
Which of you ladies can land the triple axle, though, that’s what I wanto to know.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
3:49 pm
All I know is, I’m afraid to do things that will bruise or injure or hurt worse coming out than going in.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
April 18th, 2012
3:51 pm
Are we just talking about being willing to do certain acts, like oral, back door, etc., or maybe indulging in public, etc.? Or do some of y’all have some secret gymnastics moves that you bust out on that special someone?
Both..at least for me anyway.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
April 18th, 2012
3:55 pm
I’m afraid to do things that will bruise or injure or hurt worse coming out than going in.
Well Celi my rules of thumb are: Never draw any blood, break any skin or leave any marks or bruises…any visible marks or bruises that a shirt or pair of pants can’t cover….don’t judge me. Granted, every session isn’t going to be like that but there are times where it very well could go there.
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
3:55 pm
RIP Dick Clark…he did the damn thang until he couldnt do it anymore
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
3:58 pm
Sassy – I hear ya! LOL I can’t be left tattered and bruised.
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
3:58 pm
Sassy – Those bruises make for some good rehashing stories the next day when you actually discover them. I’ll tell ya one thing, them chins are no joke
Row 125, Seat 11B
April 18th, 2012
3:58 pm
OK can one of the ladies answer this for me….If you are not willing to do the porn star tricks when you are just dating, then what makes us think you are gonna be ok with them after marriage? And how are you going to get really good at it if you are not practicing regularly???
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
4:01 pm
Slim – Interesting question
Swiss – Could be those things and more, at least for me. But you hit on the main point for me, which is the comfort level. I mean, if we BOTH decide to hit the beach naked and top things off on the patio, I don’t want to have to worry that it might show up on FB the next day or you tube.
That’s just an updated example, in tune with the times!LOL!!
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
4:04 pm
Tell me men, what do YA’LL do to keep the chemistry going in the bedroom (or where ever it is you like to do it) It just seems like women always have to ‘bring the tricks, A-game, etc” to keep it going.
i'm swiss
April 18th, 2012
4:05 pm
kimmie — Allegedly, right?
Swiss now scouring YouTube for that kimmie on the beach video…
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
4:06 pm
Row – I only said extras are not open to “casual” situations. And dating/relationships only went but so far, until future hubs came along.
With him I didn’t wait for a ring. He showed me his maturity level and made me feel at ease, established trust.
As for your question, that’s a chance you take unless you find one like your current! See how lucky you are!
i'm swiss
April 18th, 2012
4:08 pm
Slim — No, no. Dudes always have to bring the A game, that’s a given. We don’t have the option of just laying there. Well, not usually, anyway.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
April 18th, 2012
4:09 pm
then what makes us think you are gonna be ok with them after marriage?
Two key words…after marriage…so that may be the incentive.
And how are you going to get really good at it if you are not practicing regularly???
Umm if you’re all of that then you lead and let her follow…exercise patience for your h0usewife silly wabbit
Those bruises make for some good rehashing stories the next day when you actually discover them.
Yes they sure do
Celi I can’t be all tattered n bruised either…I gotta work.
i'm swiss
April 18th, 2012
4:10 pm
Oh, and for the right chic, I’ll toss her salad for her. Just as an example, that is…
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:11 pm
Sassy – LOLOL Okaaaay, can’t come up in here with stuff broken.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
April 18th, 2012
4:11 pm
Tell me men, what do YA’LL do to keep the chemistry going in the bedroom
We usually get crickets on questions like these…most of the blog men wouldn’t dare answer…
Watch and see…it’ll just be the same one or two..
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:12 pm
Umm if you’re all of that then you lead and let her follow…exercise patience for your h0usewife silly wabbit
Thank you!!!
Row 125, Seat 11B
April 18th, 2012
4:14 pm
kimmie, I will grant you I am feeling pretty lucky..But she is not my anything lol!!! She is 51 and I am nearly 36….. The show is on and popping and I will ride this ride until they close the park…But at some point, I am confident, the park will close……
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:14 pm
That’s because it’s like someone said, it’s on the woman. Porn star, acrobatics, gynmist, exhibitionist…all of the above with the onus of keeping him interested.
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
4:15 pm
Oh no, Dick Clark died?
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
4:16 pm
Alright then, Row!!!
Use me till you use me up!!!
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
4:17 pm
@Row ~ I thought most said they don’t want to do those tricks right out the gate. They’re very knowledgeable in the technique and curl toe factor, just not deserving of such delights upon first opening the gate.
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
4:19 pm
BTW Row, I didn’t read the first 2 or 3 pages so glad you had a good time on your tryst.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
April 18th, 2012
4:22 pm
Dick Clark died?
Awww
Row 125, Seat 11B
April 18th, 2012
4:27 pm
Leggs, when we met on Friday all we did was listen to the music, vibe, and kinda feel each other out. Took that first few hrs to see if there was any sort of chemistry….There was….and after putting in work like a hebrew slave….There still is……
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:29 pm
So Row – You already know it’s going to serve for what it is. Have you told her that you’re not planning on making too much with her? I’m asking in all seriousness. Just wondering if she’ll start to hope there’s a possibility when you already know (and ain’t that something), that you’re gonna get the gettings until you’re done.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:30 pm
I guess I would be curious to know if she’s thinking along the same lines and say “cool”…let’s ride it out. Or if she’ll back up and reconsider.
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
4:35 pm
Dudes always have to bring the A game, that’s a given. We don’t have the option of just laying there. Well, not usually
Is that how yall really view it, that women, for the most part, just lays there??? Just had this debate over the weekend. Chicks really aren’t at least trying to throw it back???
Row 125, Seat 11B
April 18th, 2012
4:36 pm
Celisea, Thats it…she told me….. According to her, she loves her life. At this point she does not want or need the stress associated with a traditional relationship…Just wants to hang when we hang, deal when we deal, and have a man that capable of catching all that she is bringing without getting sprung and loosing his mind….
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
4:37 pm
Random: I really think about 20 new gray hairs grow nightly in my head. WTH!
Yes Dick Clark died of a massive heart attack…so we’ll be seeing reruns of old New Years Eve shows, American Band stand etc…
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
4:39 pm
Took that first few hrs to see if there was any sort of chemistry….There was….and after putting in work like a hebrew slave….
WOW, only a few hours and you felt you worked like a Hebrew slave??
i'm swiss
April 18th, 2012
4:39 pm
Slim — No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying they *could* just lay there & the deed could still get done. Not so for dudes, generally.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:39 pm
Row – Seems to me you’ve hit the jack pot…enjoy!
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:41 pm
WOW, only a few hours and you felt you worked like a Hebrew slave??
I laughed at this…lol
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:42 pm
Talk about falling in line with today’s topic. That’s “casual” on another level…lol
czBrat
April 18th, 2012
4:42 pm
i think i’ll come out and play for the rest of the day. unless something last-minute lands on my desk.
can’t believe ya’ll are still on topic so late in the day. i’m impressed.
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
4:42 pm
Leggs – I was thinking the same thing about “Hebrew slave” after only a few hours.
Flag on the play!!!
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:43 pm
Sho nuff….whew Lawd
czBrat
April 18th, 2012
4:44 pm
Just wants to hang when we hang, deal when we deal, and have a man that capable of catching all that she is bringing without getting sprung and loosing his mind….
that was my tagline three years ago. now look at me.
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
4:45 pm
Must have really wanted to sample that piece of cake. Working that hard, I can only imagine the sweat stains you had to endure to get her to buckle. Sounds like you worked harder than she did. All jokes aside, nothing’s more pleasing when you find a willing participant.
Row 125, Seat 11B
April 18th, 2012
4:47 pm
Thats right…. Three or fours hrs of BRING THE WOOD like my name was Paul Bunyun…… Now I guess y’all gonna say that thats the norm….. Right……
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
April 18th, 2012
4:49 pm
Is that how yall really view it, that women, for the most part, just lays there???
I call that the coffin ride
Really though, to just lay there like that…umm no. Where they do that at?!
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
4:49 pm
Row – Careful now, wouldn’t want you to give yourself away…lol
Where’s Mmeello – He had so much anticipation built up Friday I thought he was going to burst…lol
Robert
April 18th, 2012
4:52 pm
@Row 125, Seat 11B – “She is 51 and I am nearly 36…..”
Youngman stop by the CVS, WalMart, or Home Depot and get a bottle of “cougar spray” which is right next to the pesticides. Make sure you spray your car seat, clothes and furniture. Chanel #5 will stay in your car, furniture and clothes for a very long time.
czBrat
April 18th, 2012
4:58 pm
If you are not willing to do the porn star tricks when you are just dating, then what makes us think you are gonna be ok with them after marriage? And how are you going to get really good at it if you are not practicing regularly?
i’m not necessarily claiming to have a bag of tricks or that i’m tantalizing s/o with promised pleasures that others may (or may not) have enjoyed. for me, “boundaries” means waiting to share certain experiences with my hubs. more like fulfilling each others’ fantasies or creating joint fantasies that we would not want to explore outside of marital vows.
and how bout you should already be marriage-minded about your chick w/o giving consideration to sex perks. if you’re enamored enough to want to wed her as-is, then any potential for extra freakness after nuptials is just icing.
and any lack thereof shouldn’t have you looking for an annulment.
yous been fun. get home safely.
ciao!
SlimUno
April 18th, 2012
4:59 pm
Coffin ride
lol
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
April 18th, 2012
5:00 pm
Ciao cz and the rest of the blog familia!!