Let’s talk about sex: Boundaries
Should a dating relationship that is casual have the same sexual boundaries as a committed relationship? I ask because there was a debate between a couple of friends who had their unique ideas about boundaries in the bedroom.
If I summarized their beliefs by gender, women thought that casual flings don’t get the full “bag of tricks” as boyfriends or husbands. They certainly don’t entertain the idea of special requests, threesomes, or anything closely resembling extra work.
The men, however, thought that if there was some physical contact, why not make it as good as it can be. Many them argued, “When you relax your boundaries, isn’t it win-win?”
Personally, I am a hopeless romantic, which means I want to actually be in love before I talk about boundaries and explore with someone. What do you think? Are your boundaries in the bedroom driven by the level of commitment you have or don’t have?
Keep the conversation clean and classy!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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250 comments Add your comment
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
12:19 pm
I see you’re still on topic. I find it amazing that many are essentially saying there aren’t any degrees of separation in terms of how quickly you exhibit your area of expertise. I remember sometime back many of the MLBs saying if a woman showcased all her skills right out the gate, they would wonder if this treatment was given to all the others before him. Others said certain skill sets should be reserved for certain levels of the relationship. Point is everyone’s opinion may change giving how they’re feeling on that particular day. Today, it reads like the men see nothing wrong with showcasing how well you’ve honed your skills no matter the relationship status. The fact that your in a relationship is good enuf. Okey dokey….
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
12:21 pm
Guess This topic kinda ebbs and flows based on where you are in your life….
That would be about right, Row. Or just where your principles are. Cause even back in my “bound” days, I never gave a flip about what other folks thought. I knew I was not everyone’s cup of tea. Take it or leave it.
It does take some people time to come to that attitude, though, and have that confidence in themselves!
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
12:24 pm
chuckle~
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
12:24 pm
Row enjoy her!!!!!!
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
12:26 pm
Leggs – I agree. That’s why, like I said before, I had a basic mistrust of men. They’ll pull that switcharoo on you in a heartbeat! That’s why you have to do what is best for YOU and men be dam–ed. Most are just NOT mature enough to take things to another level unless the 2 of you have really established something, without then looking at YOU in judgement or deeming YOU a garden tool, even though they are a very willing participant!
Make no mistake, I love men. But as a woman, you really have to look out for yourself!
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
12:32 pm
I thought it was not so much in HOW QUICKLY you exhibit but HOW MUCH exhibited or done or shown. I thought the point was you can’t classify “not so casual” from “all out casual” just because you didn’t pull from the bag of tricks, going full fledge. Sort of like saying I almost had sex when you actually had sex……if you completed the deed, it’s still all the way. Going full fledge versus braking off samples would still be considered sex.
I thought Mmeello said if he saw a casual encounter from his past in passing, his thoughts would be he had her….even if it was the basest of encouters. Whereas I thought the women were trying to distinguish encounters as “not quite” because everything in the bag of tricks weren’t used.
I could be wrong but that was my thoughts as well as interpretation. And with that I’ve been known to be wrong
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
12:35 pm
Lady – What did you decide for lunch? I sort of wish they would serve the potato soup again but probably not. I haven’t gone down yet. I could use good soup too
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
12:40 pm
Celisea – I don’t know about the other blog ladies, but mine was not a “not quite”. Not denying what happened, happened, cause like Exiled’s thought, a notch is a notch.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
12:42 pm
i marked you sis yummy porgrsso or progressive soup which ever the name but bacon and potato soup and pringles
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
12:43 pm
here we go with words again. this blog nick name is Words with Friends! ha how fitting. I told yall perception is a mofo! wow
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
12:45 pm
C that was to your 12:32
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
12:45 pm
Kimmie – Frankly if Imma have a casual hook up, I want to pull out all the stops. No point in diving in and going in deep…just saying. I think we all have experiences where really a confessional is not needed. Discussing fine, confessing not so much. I always say for whatever steps or mis-steps in my past, I’m not regretting….ever
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
12:49 pm
Y’all might not believe me saying this but a litte dirt is good for you. That’s what my mama use to say to us as kids.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
12:49 pm
ever, ever <outkast voice* lol
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
12:50 pm
Lady – Chips and soup…not a bad combo huh? LOL
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
12:50 pm
NOT going deep
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
12:51 pm
Celisea – Exactly, do what works or is comfortable for you. I always do.
And I’m not confessing jack on a blog! I’m just amazed at the shift in positions from the mens, is all. Not surprised, but it’s funny.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
12:51 pm
Kimmie – LOL…I feel ya
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
12:55 pm
@Celisea ~ yeah, although I did say “how quickly,” I definitely meant how much you showcase your talents. That’s the gist of what I was attempting to convey.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
12:57 pm
Leggs – I gotcha. I was just giving what or how I thought the menfolk were seeing or understood what the women were saying.
But that shouldn’t stop the discussion. I say folks toss it out there if you have a story to tell or what your thoughts are surrounding going casual.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
12:58 pm
I like what Bluzgirl said…she went straight to it…lol
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
12:59 pm
Row gave a his story and its working for him C!
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
1:04 pm
Mr. Unknown actually gave what I feel is the way a lot of men feel. They’ll do “whatever, whereever” as far as you take them, as quick as you let them, but there’s a little voice in the back of their heads. They are a willing participant, but still judging. That’s why I said most are not mature enough to handle a “no holds barred” casual encounter with a confident woman.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
1:09 pm
yep kimmie that is it in a nutshell! your 1:04 its the way of the land.
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
1:09 pm
Lady – Chile I say let folks do what works for them. If you hit the jackpot between the sheets, I say she/he’s a keeper.
Kimmie – Yep, I agree. They will tell you to let loose but I don’t think most can see that and not think otherwise. Remember talking about empowered and some saying they wouldn’t see a woman any differently? I don’t buy into that either. I think if “hookups” are something you can do or swing go for it but don’t believe the hype that you’re still seen or viewed one way in their eyes.
Empowerment
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
1:09 pm
seems time is slow paced today!
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
April 18th, 2012
1:10 pm
I can’t stop laughing!
Celisea
April 18th, 2012
1:10 pm
Alright, it’s lunchtime
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
1:14 pm
Did anyone see Private Practice last night? It comes on on Tuesdays now, because Scandal took its Thursday spot. You see it Leggs? It was pretty good.
Mike P
April 18th, 2012
1:19 pm
@kimmie: per your 1:04pm post…change the “still judging” to vetting. Most men can indeed handle a “no holds barred” casual encounter with a chick. We just don’t want to marry that same chick. whether we want to admit it or not, but MOST of us don’t really want commit to a Ho, we can’t possess a Ho, therefore we can’t love (in commitment) to her, well not fully anyways (talking about holding back).. just my honest opinion. sad but its the truth
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
1:25 pm
I saw it kimmie! It was very good. Heck, I’m even happy for slutty, confused Addison.
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
1:25 pm
Mike P – I rest my case. That’s all I was trying to say and you said it all! Thanks.
I’ve always felt most men thought that way and that, along with my basic distrust of men, is why I saved “higher risk behavior” or significant initimate actions for the man I trust and love. He was the first and only man that showed real maturity.
If we BOTH worked in the garden, we BOTH got our hands dirty! Not just the man!
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
1:28 pm
Ooops, meant “not just the WOMAN” with dirty hands!!
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
1:29 pm
Leggs – I’m happy for Addison too! Even though she’s a skank, I think she’ll be a good mom!LOL! I’m just very sorry she kissed Sam again!! I’m begining to hate him!
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
1:42 pm
Leggs – Do you watch The Biggest Loser?
Do any of you on the blog?
Mike P
April 18th, 2012
1:48 pm
likewise, because of the behavior and actions of many women… men will distrust women. we can’t be friends if we are not friendly, it really is that simple. a trusting women/man will be treated far better than a suspicious, distrusting one, provided of course, the man/woman knows how to choose his/her woman/man.
Bluzgirl
April 18th, 2012
1:49 pm
This day is just crawling by. I don’t like this weather because I just want to be curled up in bed! I got a new mattress last night and I wanted to stay in it longer this morning! The good thing, though, is that my boss took the day off, so it’s nice and relaxed here today!
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
1:53 pm
Bluz – What kind of new mattress did you get, if you don’t mind me asking? We are trying to decide what kind to get and would like some reviews/suggestions.
DJ Sniper
April 18th, 2012
1:55 pm
As a man, I always find it strange when other men pass judgement on a woman that they sleep with on the first night, or a woman who opens up her bag of tricks rather early. Those men are participants as well, so what does that say about them?
Me, I’ve had a couple of relationships develop out of sex on the first night. Even though those relationships didn’t work out, us having sex on the first night didn’t factor into the break ups at all.
Fion
April 18th, 2012
1:56 pm
Chick: I’m not like that anymore and I’m trying to turn my life around.
Dude: But didn’t you use to run witt Smoke an’nem and The Wild 100?
Chick: Yeah, but I told you I’m changing my life.
Dude: I got some Purple flowers at the house wanna come by
and burn a couple?
Chick: ok!
Exiled!
April 18th, 2012
2:00 pm
Ditto C
Ditto Kimmie,a notch is a notch
Men have never changed..when they look at a chic and do the approach,in their minds,they have gone to bed with her already!
The approach is just a way to formalize the proceedings!
Otherwise consider yourselves lucky ladies..coz if society allowed it,men wld look at you,snatch the pudsy and then run to go deal with it.
Men will talk a lot about a chic they sexed but went away..whether it was a one niter or an after three month rule sex romp. It’s their nature.
@Row
So how was breakfast Saturday morning?
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
2:00 pm
DJ – You are a mature man.
Bluzgirl
April 18th, 2012
2:01 pm
Kimmie…I had first purchased the Tempurpedic Contour…didn’t like it, so traded it for the Tempurpedic Cloud. Didn’t love it. For the money, I decided that if I didn’t love it, it was time to try something else. I ended up trading it for a Stearns & Foster plush top. When I tried it in the store, it felt like a cloud. It’s a little firmer now, but will soften over the next month or so. I sure loved it last night!
czBrat
April 18th, 2012
2:01 pm
stu·pid·i·ty (stoo-pidi-tee)
n. pl. stu·pid·i·ties
1. The quality or condition of being stupid.
2. A stupid act, remark, or idea.
3. FION!
Lady~
April 18th, 2012
2:02 pm
Fion lol too funny~ a rose is still a rose lol
Bluzgirl
April 18th, 2012
2:04 pm
One thing I figured is that you shouldn’t skimp on a bed and I might as well spend the money now on a good mattress, rather than having to replace every 5 years or so…
kimmie
April 18th, 2012
2:04 pm
Bluz – Thanks! That helps alot!
Fion
April 18th, 2012
2:06 pm
Aye man, it’s laughable to watch some women over think their Punanie.
Leggs
April 18th, 2012
2:09 pm
@kimmie ~ I watch the Biggest Loser (my motivation). Yes, I saw the mutiny. I don’t blame them even though it was in their contracts. Morally, it didn’t sit well with the two that left.
Bluzgirl
April 18th, 2012
2:10 pm
Kimmie…if I wanted to spend 4-6K, then the Tempurpedic would probably be worth it, but their bottom of the line ones (still very expensive) are way too firm!!!