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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Let’s talk about sex: Boundaries

Should a dating relationship that is casual have the same sexual boundaries as a committed relationship? I ask because there was a debate between a couple of friends who had their unique ideas about boundaries in the bedroom.

If I summarized their beliefs by gender, women thought that casual flings don’t get the full “bag of tricks” as boyfriends or husbands. They certainly don’t entertain the idea of special requests, threesomes, or anything closely resembling extra work.

The men, however, thought that if there was some physical contact, why not make it as good as it can be. Many them argued, “When you relax your boundaries, isn’t it win-win?”

Personally, I am a hopeless romantic, which means I want to actually be in love before I talk about boundaries and explore with someone. What do you think? Are your boundaries in the bedroom driven by the level of commitment you have or don’t have?

Keep the conversation clean and classy!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

250 comments Add your comment

Rick

April 18th, 2012
10:19 am

Exiled!

April 18th, 2012
10:22 am

‘Wide open gifting’

Cz,let’s break that down into what and how…if u don’t mind..

What exactly are the ‘tricks’ reserved for ‘The Special One’?

I think ladies u onto something today…finally,we may have found a solution to man’s marriage phobia..

‘Wide open Gifting Inside Marriageville’

I see a long mans line outside..ready to enter

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

April 18th, 2012
10:27 am

dag I can’t access that link @ work some1 copy and paste and email me it please?!? LOL ;)

Celisea

April 18th, 2012
10:27 am

Alright Rick, I’m a woman..full fledge and I can refute a couple…lol My point is don’t go by everything you read. If they didn’t poll the entire sect or race of women, then you have the fantasy of some…not all

Rape/Molested
Stripper
Group sex
Affair with another woman
Public flashing
Stranger in the bedroom
Several men at once

None of the above really sound appealing to me but hey go for what you want.

Thanks for posting

Celisea

April 18th, 2012
10:29 am

Lady – I accessed via my phone. Can you go through you phone? I’d hate to copy and paste from here. Chile I don’t want to give these folks anything on me…lol

i'm swiss

April 18th, 2012
10:29 am

So, let me see if I follow this logic… If it’s a “casual” relationship, you’ll still f__k him, just not very well. And that makes you less of a ho, somehow.

Well, I guess if that’s the case, give me a head-of-her class, board certified HO. :lol:

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

April 18th, 2012
10:31 am

i did email the link to myself but my blackberry’s browser is super slow so I don’t have the patience to wait. I will check it out @ home later

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

April 18th, 2012
10:32 am

swiss yous a fool! lol

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

April 18th, 2012
10:32 am

dag interesting C~ sounds like an episode on ID!!!!! lol

Celisea

April 18th, 2012
10:33 am

LOLOL…that’s why I said my casual package does not come with or include intimacy…

Good point

Celisea

April 18th, 2012
10:34 am

Lady – That’s somebody wanting the ole nasty nasty freakums. Why would I want a bunch of men on me. Sounds like running a train to me…ewwwww

kimmie

April 18th, 2012
10:34 am

Morning Lovely Blog People!!

Leggs, you are right, it will be a beautiful day, rain and all!

My opinion/experience with this is thus: In my younger, closer to college days, I did have a few what some may call “casual” hookups. I’m not going to come in here playing all holier than thou now that I am married. I had my “fun”, though that time was quite brief and only happened with about 2 guys. I will tell you that with those 2 casuals, the sex was VERY, VERY BASIC. No “special requests” were entertained at all. It was brief, quick, that’s it. They were not around long enough to even have time to request more. But casual flings were not in my blood and got old very quick.

Now when I dated/relationshiped, even then, no full monty. Sorry, I went further than the flings, but I just didn’t trust the dudes enough to go all out. That’s kinda how I knew none of them were THE ONE.

I knew I had met THE ONE when, before there was even any talk of marriage, I could let this man “go where no man had gone before”! And that, my friends, is MY experience. Just like these dudes don’t shower the garden tool they mess around with with the full rights and priviledges(many of you have said respect must be earned). Same was with me & the casuals. They were all on my terms. No requests honored,sorry!!

czBrat

April 18th, 2012
10:34 am

What exactly are the ‘tricks’ reserved for ‘The Special One’?
you’re not him. you don’t need to know.

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

April 18th, 2012
10:36 am

TO each their own C~ Most folks mastering doing them how they see fit. It is the perception of others on how they are doing that makes it complex

i'm swiss

April 18th, 2012
10:37 am

“I knew I had met THE ONE when, before there was even any talk of marriage, I could let this man “go where no man had gone before”!”

kimmie — Sooo…. the butt? :lol:

Exiled!

April 18th, 2012
10:40 am

Exactly Swim..,

Coz I was scratching my head after reading Leggs agreement to Cee and wondering,what’ perks’ as alluded in Leggs post would a guy in a Cadual thang be entitled too..but that would still make the woman come outta it still feeling like,well..like she didn’t go All in..

maybe they talking just ‘head’ or ‘just letting him put the tip in’ and then withdraw..

I am confused! :lol:

That’s why I prefer All or Nothing….

Not these tricks of hide and show and hide ummm

DJ Sniper

April 18th, 2012
10:41 am

LMBAO@ the comment about “a disturbance in the Force!!!!!”

Celisea

April 18th, 2012
10:42 am

Lady – Exactly. Too it’s not holier than thou if you just haven’t had flings and hookups…lol You just haven’t engaged in such activity. It’s holier than thou if you have/had and lie or ashamed of it.

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

April 18th, 2012
10:43 am

and I don’t think the topic is asking for our sex resume either we are grown no explanation needed. Somethings are just understood if you will~

Celisea

April 18th, 2012
10:43 am

MMeello – Actually I agree with what Swiss said. I don’t think you can go half handed or some of the way. Sex is sex. Now just because y’all didn’t make it to the monkey bars out back swinging and going on won’t negate the fact that you had a casual hookup.

Don’t get me wrong, I think folks should do what they feel works for them. Empowerment.

Exiled!

April 18th, 2012
10:45 am

10:37 ditto! Swiss :lol:

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

April 18th, 2012
10:46 am

kimmie

April 18th, 2012
10:46 am

Swiss – I’m not getting specific, but it was more than one thing!LOL!! There were some biggies and some not-so-biggies that were small, but significant to me.

It might be something as simple as wearing a certain type of lingerie. Others never earned that priviledge. :wink:

czBrat

April 18th, 2012
10:47 am

It’s holier than thou if you have/had and lie or ashamed of it.
and have the nerve to condemn others for the same behavior.
lord knows we certainly don’t have to admit to everything we’ve done in the past, but passing judgment is a whole other kinda stankness.

i'm swiss

April 18th, 2012
10:48 am

kimmie — Well, I’m going to give you some credit & assume that your booty was one of those “not-so-biggies that was small” ;-) :lol: Well, at least beforehand. :lol:

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

April 18th, 2012
10:50 am

but passing judgment is a whole other kinda stankness.<amen!

Celisea

April 18th, 2012
10:52 am

Mike P

April 18th, 2012
10:53 am

I agree with Cel and Mmeelo…

All or none, no manipulating games.
“Sex is sex. Now just because y’all didn’t make it to the monkey bars out back swinging and going on won’t negate the fact that you had a casual hookup.”

To hold back is to completely abstain from said activity, no gray areas. and no amount of Jedi-mind acrobatics can a person do to themselves to change what was done into “not-done.”

kimmie

April 18th, 2012
10:54 am

Swiss – To your 10:29, I don’t think there are degrees of ho-dom. Just because I didn’t go all out with dude, he could still classify me a garden tool if that’s what he wants. I really didn’t care at the time, still don’t. It’s not what someone calls me, it’s what I answer to.

I said the whole casual lifestyle when it comes to sex is not in my blood. I did what was comfortable for me. But I’m not going to pretend I never went for casual, because I did, abeit briefly. I’ve just always had a basic mistrust of men, so I was only going to go but so far with a dude until I met one I could truly trust – hubs.

Celisea

April 18th, 2012
10:55 am

It’s not what someone calls me, it’s what I answer to.

I like this saying

kimmie

April 18th, 2012
10:56 am

i'm swiss

April 18th, 2012
10:56 am

Well let me just go ahead & come clean. I have done some freaky sh!t in my day, with casual chicks, some of whom I can’t even remember their names. And I have to say… it was fun as heyal! :lol:

i'm swiss

April 18th, 2012
10:58 am

kimmie — That’s right, boo, I know you’re tight. ;-) :lol:

Exiled!

April 18th, 2012
11:00 am

Celisea..actually I agree with u and Swiss….from my experience

The tone of a martiage’s sexual trajectory is set when the two of u are dating.

That’s when u mesh or don’t mesh ur sexual experiences,wants,likes etc…

Once those sexual defaults are set it is hard if not impossible to change them Now while married without raising eye brows in the eyes of the other partner.

‘where did u get that from?’

So to suggest that u date but hold off until the ring is a single woman’s way of playing tricks with herself . Having canal sex with no head does not qualify one to be this over the other ..just feel good mental semantics.

No doubt bout it,head will make me feel good but even if we don’t do it and we break off the relationship or I didn’t hit u doggie or 69 or in the shower or golden…

Ima still claim that I got a notch on u when I bump into u at the mall!

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

April 18th, 2012
11:01 am

#truth either you are for giving or for taking!!

#truth lose your attitude and the problems will follow!

#truth love is consistent, it ’s hate that causes inconsistency!

#truth to not operate in love is to not operate in power!!!

Bluzgirl

April 18th, 2012
11:02 am

I’ve had some flings in the past and I give what I give. I’m definitely more willing to do things with a partner than just a fling. One thing I can’t stand is the notion that sex stops when you get married. I understand that it can slow down because life gets in the way, but when I get married, I want it to stay the same. I will do what I can to keep the spark.

I have had two relationships that just started out a one night thing. That’s not how I want future relationshps to start…it hasn’t worked yet, so why would it work in the future?

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

April 18th, 2012
11:03 am

Ex that was a good assessment~ 11am

kimmie

April 18th, 2012
11:03 am

Swiss – To your 10:56 – There are folks out there that are cool with casual & wild. That’s what you wanted at the time and you had your fun. But folks need to quit tripping on those that don’t want to do that. Don’t put down those that are not down with that. Just go find one that is!

czBrat

April 18th, 2012
11:03 am

just to be clear. i’m not talking about being one way with one person then switching it up with someone else because you want to come off as wholesome or worthy. as it relates to today’s topic, i’m simply saying that certain fantasies and indulgences have not and will not be shared with a man that is not my hubs. does that mean i may go my entire life without satisfying those particular curiosities? maybe. for now, i’m ok with that.

and also, for the record, i think it’s just supercalifragilistic that my man can also have those little somethings he looks forward to sharing with me that he’s done with no one else.

like kimmie said, it can be as simple as making love in the same ol’ way but in an other-worldly setting! there may be women out there who would let any ol’ dude whisk them off to figi to fudge on a public beach. i prefer to share something like that with someone i know i’ll be (happily!) rehashing the experience with a few years down the road.

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

April 18th, 2012
11:04 am

One thing I can’t stand is the notion that sex stops when you get married.<<<<<<<<<hmmmmm

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

April 18th, 2012
11:07 am

the weather calls for a bowl of soup and hot tea!

kimmie

April 18th, 2012
11:10 am

Exiled – I didn’t hold off until the ring, but when I felt comfortable and could trust. Only then could I be truly uninhibited.

But people do what they feel comfortable with. And in the past, not only did you wait until the ring, you waited until the vows to even go there, much less showing each other your tricks.

It is something to be said for having a little something to look forward to, since few wait for marriage now.

i'm swiss

April 18th, 2012
11:15 am

I don’t know why, but today’s topic makes me think of this clip from the old Dating Game:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XM5hbS7GlU

i'm swiss

April 18th, 2012
11:23 am

kimmie — RE: 11:03 — This is very true. There are always folks out there who are interested in the same things you are at any given time. Just have to find them.

Exiled!

April 18th, 2012
11:36 am

Enter your comments here

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

April 18th, 2012
12:03 pm

Shout out to Mrs. Tazzee Mae Jenkins~ That chica rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;) #random

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

April 18th, 2012
12:05 pm

where is every1?!?

Row 125, Seat 11B

April 18th, 2012
12:08 pm

This past weekend, I was told that by my current partner, that

1. She has gotten past the point of being concerned about what anyone wants other than her.
2. Is completely comfortable and in touch with her sexuality and makes no apologies for being so.
3. Understands that some are dismissive of where she is and does not care…..
4. Wants to be involed with a guy that respects where she is and can participate accordingly.
5. Has no bounds between the sheets…..

I found her “Mission Statement” refreshing, and her confidence Magnetic. Her mental state was more attractive than that of nearly any woman I have spent time with in a very long time…. Guess This topic kinda ebbs and flows based on where you are in your life….

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

April 18th, 2012
12:09 pm

that informed consent is serious Row. #interesting

Row 125, Seat 11B

April 18th, 2012
12:18 pm

Lady, I have to tell you….Honestly speaking it was so refreshing and just a little intimidating:) to here her lay it out like that…But she was ultra sexy and super confident…. Draws you in and while I had one thought in mind when I told you guys about this Friday, I have a much greater view and appreciation today….