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Dating: High maintenance, much?

A friend of mine was talking to a guy who freely admitted that he “required a lot of attention” and was aware of this fact. He believed that he constantly needed to be stimulated.

In my experience, it’s rare that a man own up to being demanding, high maintenance men. Often times, it is the women that get called needy and requiring a lot of work.

Everyone has their own perception of high maintenance, be it positive or negative. I wonder, is it good or bad to be high maintenance?

What if you are the one dating someone who requires a lot of attention, affection, stimulation, etc. Are there limits to this? How much are we willing to cater to this type of high maintenance person?

If you believe the person is worth all that effort, do you make it work? What if they don’t reciprocate?

Happy Monday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

153 comments Add your comment

Lily

April 16th, 2012
6:39 am

Diva that’s a sign of immaturity, an adult in constant need of attention. I personally don’t have the time more energy to stroke or reassure an adult. If that’s a constant need they have then they are not right for me.

[...] Link: Dating: High maintenance, much? – Atlanta Journal Constitution (blog) [...]

Lady~I will survive!

April 16th, 2012
7:57 am

Good Morning MIA!!!!!! ;)

hmmmmm high maintenance or just needy?!? hmmmmm!

Exiled!

April 16th, 2012
8:04 am

Lily?

Diva said’ attention,affection and stimulation’ and u just decided to grab and run with ‘attention’.

Well,it’s your choice! :???:

I will run with stimulation then since you open up a buffet option.

I need to be stimulated. Constantly.

That takes care of ‘attention’ there as well.

2 outa 3..Not bad!

Good morning!

Lily

April 16th, 2012
8:12 am

@Exiled: If we’re in a relationship wouldn’t attention and affection be a given? Having to constantly cater to an adult is tiring and draining. Too much of that and Lily will seek balanced love elsewhere. Its never good when the scales are tipped too much in one direction.

Mr. Unknown

April 16th, 2012
8:17 am

High maintenance, to each his own. For every high mantenance man or woman trust me there is a wet nurse to take care of them. Dating someone that is high maintenance can get annoying real quick.

If you believe the person is worth all that effort, do you make it work? Nope!! If it already bugs you now, its only going to get worse later. What if they don’t reciprocate? Then you can stamp the word sucker on your forehead.

Did lily refer to herself in the third person? lol..

HST

April 16th, 2012
8:24 am

This topic sounds more like needy than high maintenance. If a person has to have the described attention by MIA then that person has behavioral problems. Sounds like their parents didn’t love them enough or sheltered them too much.

High maintenance to me is manicures, pedicures, long sessions at the salon/hairdresser, so many beauty products that they’re confused as to what to use and usually I pay. Even if I don’t pay, it always seems that I’m always waiting for some beauty process. IMO, that’s high maintenance – not needy behavioral issues.

I use a lot of product myself – colognes (Creed) and lots of Kiehl’s, however, I maintain myself.

Lady~I will survive!

April 16th, 2012
8:26 am

HST

April 16th, 2012
8:28 am

Mr. Unknown, Lilly did refer to herself in third person.

Hello Lady – Good Morning

Lily

April 16th, 2012
8:35 am

Well, if there’s an impending threat that you’re going to leave if I’m not constantly stroking, I’m out. Intimidation is the worst. You’ll die from worrying. I’m not going to leave under those circumstances.

Good day!

Lily

April 16th, 2012
8:41 am

I’m sorry, blogging from the car is not easy. Auto correct in this doesn’t help.. lol With my type job I can’t get back on until after work.

Mr. Unknown

April 16th, 2012
8:58 am

What if you are the one dating someone who requires a lot of attention, affection, stimulation, etc. Are there limits to this? Yes, There are limits. For guys it requires the ability to say no. Its such a good word. No! Sometimes you have to break out your Michael Clarke Duncan voice when you say it. Nooo! Send a tingle down her spine when you say it.

Shaunie

April 16th, 2012
8:59 am

The only thing worse is dating someone that is Selfish!~ I had to have a come to Jesus moment about that and dip on his behind. Brother thought if was not his way, it did’nt count. IMO

Lady~I will survive!

April 16th, 2012
9:00 am

What about for women Mr. U?!? If one doesn’t satisfy will her mate seek it from else where?!? needs and wants hmmmmm are there really boundaries?!?

Lady~I will survive!

April 16th, 2012
9:07 am

Brother thought if was not his way, it did’nt count. <<<<<<<No flexibility or compromises. its so draining……

Exiled!

April 16th, 2012
9:08 am

Blogging from the car?

Lily?,thank God u Chauffer driven :lol:

Leggs

April 16th, 2012
9:12 am

Good morning!

I have seen a lot of people who require high maintenance and sit back and wonder why???

I feel those that are “high maintenance,” lack an emotional thread that allows them to stand on their own. Validate yourself by being yourself and not look to others to compensate you, feed your ego, buy your clothes or whatever area you need maintenance on.

Mr. Unknown

April 16th, 2012
9:41 am

Lady~ If one doesn’t satisfy will her mate seek it from else where?!? Any man worth his salt already knows, when a woman is truly into you,You will never be in need of nothing. At the sametime if your basic needs are not being met why bother being unhappy. Honestly, can you see yourself with a whiney needy guy?!?

Lady~I will survive!

April 16th, 2012
9:43 am

No sir I can’t at all. good assessment sir! I know I ask rhetorical questions but you proved my silent thoughts~ ;)

lolalee

April 16th, 2012
9:57 am

Happy Monday all.

Somebody told me I was ‘low maintenane, and almost too low maintenance.’

What does that mean, almost too low maintenance?

Mr. Unknown

April 16th, 2012
10:00 am

Lady~ Aren’t you studing human behavior?

HST stated in his 8:24 post. A lot of needy/High maintenance people are a product of the home environment they were raised in. Daddies little girl, momma boys that never seem to not have outgrown those basic need to be coddled. I remember my pop slapped me for being a needy little kid, I was always following moms around asking and begging for attention. We had a talk about being a provider and a protector. If the day came that he was no longer here, I would be the man of the house and the man of the house is not needy, he provides. He told me your the armor shes the heart. So its hard to see or imagine a grown needy guy unless he is just trying to get what he can out of you and play a game.

lolalee

April 16th, 2012
10:05 am

Mr. Unknown ~ Amen. Your Dad shared some real wisdom. “your the armor and she’s the heart.” Beautifully put.

Lady~I will survive!

April 16th, 2012
10:08 am

professional counseling which human behavior encompasses…………..emotional regularity is important and should be validated early on I feel. A child should be able to express their feelings in an appropriate manner and learn the pros and cons of such behavior so later in life for the most part as an adult one would be able to express their needs and wants without being perceived as overwhelming. So yes one’s childhood environment plays a major role in how an adult seeks attention and how their basic needs are met.

Mr. Unknown

April 16th, 2012
10:11 am

Lolalee~ that means your like one of the guys. Your easy going. I can buy you a happy meal and your thrilled I took the time out of my day to think about you. Your not crying about not being taken out to Chops. Which actually makes a guy want to do more for you. Is chops still open? What about the Fish Market?

Lady~ Yep..
Its break time check with yall later.

Lady~I will survive!

April 16th, 2012
10:13 am

a happy meal?!? wow!

Leggs

April 16th, 2012
10:20 am

Both establishments are still open, Mr. U.

Just wow

April 16th, 2012
10:24 am

an all time low….happy and honored to get a happy meal???? What has dating become? Where’s the standard? Isn’t she at least worth a value meal? If being grateful means appreciating the smallest burger a joint carries never mind I’ll date myself!

Leggs

April 16th, 2012
10:31 am

Cracking up because I took it as Mr. U simply making a point on how the smallest of something would be appreciated by someone with low maintenance. It’s not about the burger. And, because she’s low maintenance, bet he won’t mind extolling some pricey gifts/meals on her.

Lady~I will survive!

April 16th, 2012
10:33 am

yeah leggs I gather that after the fact the happy meal threw me for a second maybe a better adult example could have been used but I get it sis~

Celisea

April 16th, 2012
10:35 am

I dedicate the below to all you burger gals out there in the land of love (said in my sexiest voice) getting your love meal (happy meal) on while sitting under the golden arches….to the one I love:

McDonalds is the kind of place, haaaaamburgers in your face
Pickles up your nose, french fries between your toes.
With mustard running down your back, you’ll have a heart attack before
you get your moooooneeeeeey back!

We sang this song as a kid… ha ha ha ha ha

Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun!

Don’t get no better than that in the land of loooove while dipping french fries and sharing a milkshake…uurrrrr schreech halt. These are items from the high end of the menu. Let me mosey on back down to the happy meal end of the menu :)

Morning folks!! :)

Celisea

April 16th, 2012
10:37 am

I have nothing on topic, Ronald McDonald said it all this morning…I kid I kid

Hope no one takes offense :) I don’t have anything though.

Lady~I will survive!

April 16th, 2012
10:39 am

C I can’t lol wow~ you took it there! whew lawd! ;)

Celisea

April 16th, 2012
10:40 am

Lady- :) Just having fun this beautiful Monday morning! I get the reference but ummm Mickie Dees?

abc

April 16th, 2012
10:46 am

If it seems like they’re ‘high maintenance’ it’s because they’re requiring something you’re reluctant to deliver. I’d think that whole scene is self-explanatory. They’re either worth it, to you, or not. Everyone’s probably encountered both sides of that: you want something they’re not willing to deliver, or vice versa, or they don’t seem to require, desire or need much of anything from you when you wish they did, or vice versa. It equals not matched.

lolalee

April 16th, 2012
10:47 am

Mr. U ~ funny, I would be just fine with a happymeal every so often, cuz you’re right, if you’re making the effort (even something small like that), I appreciate it… but Fish Market would be even better.

Celisea ~ what was in your coffee this morning? LOL. You too funny.

Lady~I will survive!

April 16th, 2012
10:49 am

kimmie

April 16th, 2012
11:07 am

Morning Gang!

lolalee – Watch that “almost too low maintenance” thing. I’ve heard guys say that before about certain women. These guys took it to mean the lady didn’t think herself worthy of much. Just another way to look at it. If a man cares for you, he wants to do things for you. Don’t be so “low maintenance” that he gets the feeling you don’t need or appreciate him.

A high maintenance dude? That would be a turn-off for me. Sounds too girly-man.

Leggs

April 16th, 2012
11:09 am

When I first read the topic I immediately thought of Dwight Eubanks. Don’t know him, he just looks high maintenance.

Celisea

April 16th, 2012
11:10 am

I will say this….if I have to do anything in the relationship that becomes draining and too consuming and I’m getting lost while covering your needs, then that’s not a good fix.

A relationship is work but not so much so that it pulls from one party all in the name of satisfying the other partner. There’s an unspoken balance that works effortlessly. And honestly for me, if I’m giving 100% all willingly in the name of making him happy, I’m EXPECTING 100% in return. Not so much rail for rail but more so how I feel about you, you should feel about me.

Lady~I will survive!

April 16th, 2012
11:12 am

Not so much rail for rail but more so how I feel about you, you should feel about me. <<<<Well put sis~

Celisea

April 16th, 2012
11:17 am

The other thing, I’m not too big on dudes that are waaay to self conscious over their looks. That sort falls over into my (being woman) world. Clean cut and maintained is good. But fussing over your toes and nails and getting pampered as often as or more than the women hitting up the spas, then ummm that’s not good….FOR ME. Of course we all have to do things and go with things that works for us individually. Not knocking any woman that have his and hers spa appointments…lol Just saying for me, too much is too much FOR ME. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying go in jacked up but all girlified is a turn off.

That’s just me though and my preference. If you’re a man reading this and you like getting pampered as much as women, do your thing!!

lolalee

April 16th, 2012
11:32 am

kimmie ~ thanks, good advice. I can tend to think of myself as not deserving things, and I don’t want my man to interpret that as I don’t appreciate him. I do struggle with the ‘need’ thing, though. I actually don’t really ‘need’ somebody, in the sensse that I can take care of me, my house, my car, my kids, etc. So I don’t actually ‘need’ him to DO anything for me. What I ‘need’ is the way he makes me feel, the way he makes me *start* to see myself. So I don’t really know how to process that ‘need’ thing.

And girly-man… ha! . Well groomed, yes, definitely. Girly-man <~~ turn off.

SlimUno

April 16th, 2012
11:38 am

Good morning all,

I don’t fall into a high maintenance category but I do like the be treated…it’s just not a must that you’re buying me red bottom shoes, Louis bags and the like. I appreciate the thoughtful things just as much as the bigger ones. Either way, I still require mutual respect, appreciation, communication and love

i'm swiss

April 16th, 2012
12:13 pm

Recycle the same over-used rhetorical structure for headlines much?

Sorry, but I think that is about he 10th variation on the “, much?” headline we’ve seen in the past few weeks. :lol:

Oh, and afternoon, Blogville!

Exiled!

April 16th, 2012
12:14 pm

‘I do like to be treated’

Red flag if a chic says that to a dude.

Funny how chics will say things like that and seem to get away with it(sometimes)

Maybe next time a chic says that to you guys,ask her how u get treated in return. :lol:

SlimUno

April 16th, 2012
12:25 pm

Ex – What’s wrong with being ‘treated’? Please don’t tell me you’re talking ‘treated’ with the meat stick again! :???:

kimmie

April 16th, 2012
12:26 pm

Exiled – I’m not understanding why that’s a red flag. I mean, who doesn’t like to be treated every now & then, male or female? Even if its just for one’s birthday.

kimmie

April 16th, 2012
12:27 pm

Leggs – Dwight seems to be high maintenance in every sense of the word!LOL!!

SlimUno

April 16th, 2012
12:30 pm

swiss – Yeah the topics are re-re-re-re-recycled…I guess blogsville isn’t really meant to entertain the same ole ass folks for 6+ years. It’s sort of like a marriage, where you’ve heard every story your partner could possibly tell. After a while, when you know they are about to go into another story, you cut them off saying, yeah yeah I know about that one time in band camp. Ya told me a hunned fifty eleven times :roll:

kimmie

April 16th, 2012
12:35 pm

Oh I see, so I gotta prove that I’m okay with Captain D’s before you’ll spring for Red Lobster. So it’s like that? :shock: