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Dating: Does sex get in the way?

If you enter a relationship with a desire to make it actually last, you may need to consider when, how, and why you decide to handle sex and intimacy. Some people believe sex has little to no real impact on a new relationship. Others have experienced the complete opposite, in which sex changed everything.

Do you believe that sex/no sex is an important part of a dating relationship? In your past experiences, did you figure out what role, if any, sex played on the future of your relationship?

I have heard men say that once the relationship got physical, things changed – the women changed, or the dynamics of the relationship did.

Do men change their behavior after they become sexually involved?

Do you think there is a way to avoid sex getting in the way?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

161 comments Add your comment

n

April 12th, 2012
6:53 am

A platonic relationship is the only way to go. You appreciate the other qualities like honesty, forthrightness, integrity. That way one knows they are being liked for more esoteric qualities than simply having a volumpuous unbelievable, over the top physical characteristics.

Lily

April 12th, 2012
7:02 am

Diva sex ALWAYS changes the dynamics. I believe anything is do-able and can work as long as people operate under right intentions. One should really know their partner and be prepared for the change should a couple decide to become intimate. Sometimes good and sometimes not. Either way talk about it and be willing to work it out!

Good day!

Senior Lady

April 12th, 2012
7:35 am

At my age sex is not all that important even though men my age think it is. Most men my age just don’t have it anymore and women my age are ok with that because we are really looking for a diffent kind of intimacy. The problem comes when men think they gotta have this wild sex like they did a long time ago and depend on the woman to help them achieve that. Just too much trouble and too much energy wasted on the wrong thing if you ask me.

Lily

April 12th, 2012
7:58 am

funny senior lady

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
8:08 am

Good Morning!!! Interesting topic…………..

Ralph

April 12th, 2012
8:37 am

I’ve been married so long that I’ve kind of gotten used to getting it once a month anyway.

Row 125, seat 11B

April 12th, 2012
8:45 am

Wow….. Of cource it matters……Sex is a cornerstone of any long term relationship so to play it like is does not matter is dishonest at best….. I think the key is for women to go in with your eyes more open than your legs and for guys to make sure we take our time so that we really understand the details of WHO more than the particulars of HOW…..

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
8:46 am

does less is always more apply for this topic….is it valid in dating if you will?!? #shrugs or is it the opposite after the vows the sex life somewhat diminish?!? The dynamics and expectations certainly change for both parties while dating…………….hmmmmmm

SlimUno

April 12th, 2012
9:14 am

Good morning folks!

It’s not always just the men that want it, sometimes we women feel we don’t get it enough. But you never know before the do is done, on how it’ll effect the dynamic of the relationsip. It seems there is usually some sort of weird period after the first encounter where each is probably trying to see if it’ll feel weird or awkward the next time you see each other.

Shaunie

April 12th, 2012
9:22 am

While sex is not the end all be all, it does matter.. I beleive in chemistry and its just one indicator. Being mature about it is what will cause it not to get in the way of what a person is truly feeling. The flip side is that if there is no chemistry that may very well be an indicator too.

Shaunie

April 12th, 2012
9:24 am

Hummm…feeling a lil Jill Scottish this morning! :)

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
9:29 am

Slim her song why does my body ignore what my mind says is a good one for this sis~

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
9:35 am

meant Shaunie excuse me! I am all over the place this morning~

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
9:52 am

scenario should a party in a dating relationship hold out on sex after an argument. is one expected or feel obligated to have sex after an argument when married. if holding permissible in dating for any jest cause?!? (a bit rhetorical I know but I am interested in responses) ;)

Shaunie

April 12th, 2012
10:14 am

@ Lady- Thank You -Excellent Choice :)

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
10:16 am

Bennett

April 12th, 2012
10:17 am

Lady in your 9:52 are you suggesting holding the puddy hostage until a ransome is paid? Stangely enough, I kinda like that.

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
10:20 am

LOL Bennett I just hollered!!!!!!!!!!! too funny!

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
10:21 am

you read all between those lines honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!! smh the computer screen is fierce~

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
10:28 am

Its a Scandal Thursday!!!!!!!!!! I am ready for more Olivia Pope!!!!! Get it Kerry Washington!!!!! ;)

kimmie

April 12th, 2012
10:29 am

Morning All!

I’m with Shaunie on this. Chemistry and maturity, both important. We grown.

Lady – I don’t believe in using sex as a weapon or look at it as an “obligation”, therefore I don’t like to use the term “withholding”. Arguements can turn into great passion, but it can depend on what the arguement is about. If it’s something that truly hurts one to the core, if you’ve done something to disrespect me or the relationship or the kids, the last thing we’ll probably be thinking about is sex. So it won’t be a matter of someone “withholding”, just that whatever is going on has killed the mood.

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
10:31 am

Arguements can turn into great passion<<<<<<<<<<<<< Love that sis! Good Post Kimmie~

Leggs

April 12th, 2012
10:31 am

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
10:32 am

Chemistry is sooooooooo vital~ If I just not feeling you then what?!? #chuckle smh

Leggs

April 12th, 2012
10:32 am

Just trying to see if I’m locked out since my post isn’t going through.

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
10:32 am

what’s up ms leggs?

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
10:36 am

my thought process is between (my devilish side what Bennett suggested) and Kimmie reminded me about passion~ relationship are funny and interesting~ pure passion is winning though but I did want to be compensated for my time smh lol #sigh just thinking out loud folks pay me no mind~

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
10:36 am

time of arguing that is lol

Leggs

April 12th, 2012
10:38 am

Something in my post is preventing me from posting.

I went paragraph by paragraph to see what’s wrong and the first paragraph didn’t go through. Let’s try the gist of my post and see if it gets through.

In your past experiences, did you figure out what role, if any, sex played on the future of your relationship? – Just experienced this. After knowing him 5.5 weeks and going out 4x, I received a text saying “I would like to come over and cuddle and make love to you, but since it seems I have to ask for sex I am no longer interested in it w u. Would like to get to know you, but now it will be done on my terms and I’ll see u when I see u.” Those are his exact words. Apparently, I was moving too slow for his liking. Ironically, I felt I would get to that point with him, but simply wanted to know him a little better. Ummmm, guess that wasn’t the approach I should have taken with him, but it was the approach that sat well with ME! SMDH at these men rushing to get in the bed. No one wants to take time to know the person first??? If you’re looking for sex then fine, jump into it. However, if you’re looking for a long-term relationship why start in the bedroom? And yes, I think after 3.5 weeks of dating w/2 weeks of not even seeing each other, you’re starting in the bedroom.

Celisea

April 12th, 2012
10:44 am

Leggs – Just wow. That was awful and cheesy. He was a chump. Good riddance. You ain’t wrong for taking your time.

SlimUno

April 12th, 2012
10:46 am

That is SUPER DUPER WIGGETY WACK LEGGS! Say it ain’t soooo :shock:

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
10:48 am

Slim that happens more often that you would think with super grown men and women…………..its nothing new……wolves in sheep clothing are everywhere

Celisea

April 12th, 2012
10:49 am

Lady – Some of these dudes need to be defanged…lol

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
10:49 am

but it it truly some great catches out there as well. What’s for Ms Leggs will be effortlessly~ ;) patience is a virtue~

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
10:49 am

meant it is~ wow my mind is somewhere is and my body is here sheesh~ I can’t focus smh #readytogo lol

Celisea

April 12th, 2012
10:50 am

And so often so many of them miss good opportunities all because they can’t wait. WOMEN LIKE SEX. Just act right and do right and it’s your for the taking…. Too bad they don’t get it.

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
10:51 am

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
10:51 am

WOMEN LIKE SEX<<<<<<<<<<Amen your whole post C!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Post of the morning! lol

Celisea

April 12th, 2012
10:53 am

Lady – :)

And for that sort of text, I would have asked him to kiss my ass on the way out and lose my number.

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
10:53 am

C you proved my silent thoughts too damn bad!!!! I am screaming laughing on the insides! WOW!

SlimUno

April 12th, 2012
10:59 am

It’s like damned if you do, damned if you don’t. You give them the goodies after 3weeks of dating, of which 2 weeks you don’t see each other, then you’s a loose h0. You wait to give it to them and they think you’re feel you’re too good to give it up or you treat the phatty catty like it’s gold, you’re a prude, stuck up etc. That’s why I wish for at least a short while I could see what it’s like to have a wang because they act like they’ll die if their wang doesn’t touch some chicks sugar walls after a certain period of time.

Celisea

April 12th, 2012
11:03 am

On topic: You can always look for a shift when you’ve become physical with one another. The problem though is as much looking and paying attention and watching you do, you still won’t know, really know until the deed is done. Yes, you can weed out the nodogooders ahead of step but if you’re in with someone that’s saying all the right things and doing all the right things, seemingly and you take that leap…time will tell.

If he was one of those patient cameleons, then ummm you might have a problem. If he was in it truly for you and building a relationship, things usually naturally progress.

Problem I have is that I hate feeling vunerable. I know though intimacy sometimes places us (well me) there. As long though as it’s someone in it to win it, being vunerable can be a good trait in allowing yourself to be open. Being open is good. One really never truly can tell or call how things will go or step into opportunities until and unless you can cross over and become exposed to one another.

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
11:04 am

priorities, options, & choices~ hmmmmmm

SlimUno

April 12th, 2012
11:06 am

Leggs – What was your response to his text?

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
11:06 am

Your dinner is on me C next time we meet! Excellent! ;)

Celisea

April 12th, 2012
11:08 am

Lady – For real? Awwww, I’m taking you up on it :) Seriously.

kimmie

April 12th, 2012
11:08 am

Ladies – I agree with all of your posts on Leggs’ experience. What trips me out is how some dudes are not even smooth with it. I spoke on this the other day when we were talking about coupons. Some of these men have absolutely no finese AT ALL!! I mean, it used to be even if a dude’s only goal was to try to get the panties, he would at least wine and dine you & talk sweet! You knew what he was up to, but he was so darn charming you just couldn’t help yourself after a point! It is true you’ll catch more flies with honey! That’s get them what they want quicker than lazy crudeness, like ole dude with that text. He really ought to be ashamed of himself!

Lady~

April 12th, 2012
11:10 am

you did that one honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My pennies can cover you honey!!!!! that was spot on! ha!

Celisea

April 12th, 2012
11:11 am

That’s what I’m talking about. Where’s at least the fake fake? These dudes want you to give ‘em the get down like one hour into “day one”…and if you’re getting couponed, you owe him 1.5 puddy sessions…lol

SMH!!

Celisea

April 12th, 2012
11:13 am

Lady – Cool…we need to hurry and place that on the calendar. I LOVE to eat…lol