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Family disliked your date?

This past weekend held a lot of promise for new couples introducing family members to their date. If you were brave enough to face the family at church or Easter dinner, you probably are hoping to hear good things. Meeting the family can be nerve wracking, especially when you really like your date.

So what do you do when things don’t go very well? A reader met her boyfriend’s family for the first time and she could tell they were not impressed by her. She sort of sensed their disdain because of the looks she received. Although her guy did not come out and say anything, she could tell he was disappointed in how things went.

What do you do when your date’s family and friends don’t really warm up to you? Have you ever been faced with a hostile family who was less than enthused to meet you?

Is it possible to win a family over after your first impression was a bad one? Would you break up with someone if you did not like their family?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

89 comments Add your comment

Lily

April 9th, 2012
6:31 am

Diva I personally believe it depends on where you are in life. If one is young and perhaps naieve, then yes seasoned eyes and ears can be a good thing for recognizing maybe things you’re not yet atuned.

Overall, each person will have to ultimately decide on a mate right for them. We all want our families to be happy in the choices make but essentially we have to go it alone in individual relationships.

I have always pretty much been a good judge of character and typically spot on in my assessment ofbthe good the bad and the ugly and haven’t chosen someone at odds with my family. And for my current, so far so good. The family is quite fond of him and instantly clicked :)

Mr. Unknown

April 9th, 2012
8:53 am

Have you ever been faced with a hostile family who was less than enthused to meet you? Yep, This usually comes from the father or brothers. I chalk it up to them wanting to see if I have a backbone or how I would react. I do the same with my sister and niece.

Also it comes down to the person your dating, they should prep you on the different types of personalities that your about to meet. Example: When uncle Jim gets to drinking don’t take his actions to heart. You need to compliment Aunt Marys pound cake because she thinks she is the best cook in the family. Remember daddies favorite team is the chicago Bears don’t mention that your a GreenBay packers fan just yet.

Leggs

April 9th, 2012
8:54 am

Good morning.

Is it possible to win a family over after your first impression was a bad one? – I believe it’s possible. Sometimes the cover of the book is looked at with already tainted eyes. Continue to be yourself. If their vision of you doesn’t change within time, then so be it. You aren’t going to please everyone. No doubt it would be great if the family liked you, but the family is only one branch of your mate, albeit an important one. But, if you don’t get along with them, handle and nurture the whole tree that stands in front of you.

kimmie

April 9th, 2012
9:23 am

Blogging from home today

Good morning all!

I’ve never had a family that disliked me, but I’ve had a few guys my family didn’t exactly embrace. They were polite enough around him and then wait until he left or was not around to tell me their opinion. I’ve never had one they hated & didn’t want me to bring around ever, but usually the sentiment to me was “You can do better”. They were of course, always spot on right too. For the most part, though, I’ve never messed with anyone that I thought I could not have around my family.

audra

April 9th, 2012
9:25 am

I’ve never had the family not like me, but I have had my family not like someone I was dating. Generally this is something to pay attention to, at least take into account. We all have blinders on in the honeymoon phase.

Also, I did not like my ex’s mom. Believe me, this is important! She wasn’t just your average crappy mother-in-law, she was a psycho. If you are dealing with one like this, think long and hard before you marry “her little boy.” Their relationship can have big implications for yours….

Mr. Unknown

April 9th, 2012
9:26 am

I never had the problem with the family not liking me. I’ve learned to never try so hard to make a first impression that end up looking bad.

Leggs- “Sometimes the cover of the book is looked at with already tainted eyes.” How much of that falls on the shoulders of the person that your dating? For me I’m kind of already talking about the person that I’m serious about and the reasons why she brings a smile to my face. So if you walk into someones home with a cold introduction wouldn’t that be a red flag?

disco

April 9th, 2012
9:28 am

good morning. me, myself, personally – I don’t give a hot damn what somebody’s folks think about me. I’m way too old for that foolishness. over the years I’ve watched countless chicks kiss their mother in law’s behind or suck up to their man’s sisters or what have you. not my style. if they like me, cool. if they don’t, we’ll just give each other space and leave it at that. heck, I’ve got enough people in my own family that don’t like me to be worrying about folks in somebody else’s family not liking me. (that was sort of a joke but not really. my family is quite cliquish).

a childhood friend dropped in over the weekend to introduce me to her new hubby (they just got married in january). naturally I have an opinion of the guy (all good) but I’m sure my opinion wouldn’t make or break anything anyway.

Mr. Unknown

April 9th, 2012
9:32 am

* that I ended up looking bad… <– Like the beginning, middle and end of that sentence structure.

Row 125, seat 11B

April 9th, 2012
9:36 am

This one hits close to home for me!!! Met a lady and we dated for about 6 or 7 months…When I met her family for the first time her mom hated me……looked me in my eye and told me I was the worse kind of black man….one that had moved on and forgotten where I came from…There was a conversation that led to that but wow…..needless to say, she and I only lasted a few more months….Its a shame too….she had real potential!! :)

Leggs

April 9th, 2012
9:37 am

@Mr. Unknown ~ it depends. So many variables. Take me for example. He speaks highly of me to his family, my accomplishments, etc. Hasn’t said anything negative that I know about. When I meet his mother she seems warm to me only for me to overhear her saying I’m not good enough for her son. Some mothers feel “no one” is good enough for their sons. That’s a problem right there.

Walking in with a cold “introduction?” How about walking in with a cold “reception.” If there’s a cold introduction, why go? Better yet, why are you with that person?

Jada

April 9th, 2012
9:40 am

If I take someone around my family..They know I’m serious. I can count on two fingers the people I have introduced to them as an adult. So if and when I do bring him around, they know, don’t muck it up. :)

kimmie

April 9th, 2012
9:46 am

disco – I cooked those turnip greens and I must say, I put my foot in them! Everyone else thought so too, and we have only maybe 2 small servings left. That was actually my first time doing turnips – I’ve only done collards.

I also did a killer coconut cake. I got the recipe on the internet, and you use cream of coconut in the batter and then drizzle it on the warm cake layers after you take it out of the oven. I put cream cheese frosting and toasted the coconut on it.

Oh, and the big pitcher of white sangria? Gone!

My Sons Mother

April 9th, 2012
9:46 am

I will know if she is the right one for my man-child. Every mother wants to know that the woman her son is in love with, loves him back. While I would never mistreat her, I will let him know privately.

disco

April 9th, 2012
9:51 am

ooh kimmie. while last week I was feeling the ham and the greens you really hit a lick with the coconut cake. bet that was the bomb. haven’t had coconut cake in forever ever.

my son and brother said their primary concern isn’t so much that the family likes their girlfriends as much as their girlfriends need to be tough enough to handle the family.

kimmie

April 9th, 2012
9:54 am

Leggs – These mothers that think no one is good enough for their sons, I wonder if they realize the other side of the coin. There are parents out there that think no one is good enough for their daughters too! Better those mothers concentrate on raising a son that’s a productive member of society and not a mama’s boy. One that the ladies they “might” think are good enough would want to be bothered with.

I tell you, some of these mama’s and their sons can be a real trip!

Mr. Unknown

April 9th, 2012
9:57 am

Leggs~ Yeah I feel you. I have the “My son should not date outside of his race mother.” I have since learned that I needed to put her in check.
What you got was the nice nasty treatment, which sucks. I hate people that smile in ya face and talk smack when you in the next room.

lolalee

April 9th, 2012
10:02 am

It’s tricky with family. If you marry in, you get the whole family — good, bad, drama, etc. It’s a part of what makes the person you’re dating who they are, so I look on it as more information and insight about the person I’m dating. My ex’s mama always thought I was “too educated”, which to me is just as ign’ant as can be, but still, she was his mama and I always was repectful to her as such. We never did get close, but we never had real conflict either. Must say though, in the end, some of those same attitudes were passed to the ex….

lolalee

April 9th, 2012
10:03 am

Mr Unknown “nice nasty” ! Great expression.

I got the “we don’t want no half breed babies” comment once.

disco

April 9th, 2012
10:05 am

mr. unknown – that was me (I should be ashamed to admit it but I’m not). when my son was in high school a white girl asked him to prom and he came home and told me. my response was do all the black girls have dates? he asked how he was supposed to know. told him that was for him to figure out but there had better not be a dateless black girl at the prom with him up in their with a white girl.

lolalee

April 9th, 2012
10:07 am

disco so what if the dateless black girls were dateless for a reason?

Leggs

April 9th, 2012
10:07 am

@Mr Unknown ~ and, I remember that nice nasty like it was yesterday with this woman now smiling in my face wanting to hug and kiss my cheek whenever see she’s me. You see, now she lives with her son and not I! Blessings comes in may disguises…

Here we go.......

April 9th, 2012
10:10 am

Please don’t hang people wanting to keep with own. It’s not a crime it’s a preference!

Leggs

April 9th, 2012
10:10 am

Laughing at both you disco and lolalee – better not be any dateless black girls with him in the bldg with a white chick, and lolaless’s someone those black girls may be dateless for a reason.

Mr. Unknown

April 9th, 2012
10:14 am

Lolalee~ Dang sorry you ever had to hear that. Disco~ lol that was my moms all day and auntie and grandma. Me and my brother chose to end that cycle in our family.

disco

April 9th, 2012
10:20 am

lola – all that was totally irrelevant as far as I was concerned.

mr. unknown – a lot of my cousins have broken the cycle too. for the most part they go for Hispanic chicks and the family is quite accepting of them. there are a few white girls sprinkled in the mix as well. still, as far as I’m concerned, most of my cousins aren’t worth the spit it would take to cuss them so they are almost doing black chicks a favor. my son and my youngest brother though have too much going for them to be going out like that. saving grace is they are both color struck and prefer dark skinned women. my brother just decided he also prefers natural hair. says chicks with natural hair tend to be more relaxed and flexible than chicks with relaxed hair. my son doesn’t have a preference for relaxed or natural but he does have a thing for long hair. he’s not into the chicks with the short haircuts too much.

Mike P

April 9th, 2012
10:25 am

Good Morning All,

I think this topic is mainly an issue for women more-so then for men… as long as we have good intentions for the lady and we stand our ground when tested by her family, we good. If the woman is troubled by her family’s negative reaction to us and can’t be secure in us (as a couple), then “oh, well, her loss.”

abc

April 9th, 2012
10:35 am

Shoot, I never even met the ex’s father, and we were married over 20 years. Her mother didn’t like me, but that was mutual — if she was around, I wasn’t, period, and I had to warn her against trashing me around my kids, else I’d make sure she didn’t see them either. Serious bad news.

At this point, I’m meeting girls that my boys bring around, and I tend to cut them a lot of slack. My main criteria is if they go out of their way to make the boys happy. If not, I tell my kids that I’m not impressed, and it carries some amount of weight with them.

Lady~

April 9th, 2012
10:38 am

Morning folks……………

I say be yourself and remain in your lane and stand your ground with who you are and are not and focus on the big picture your mate and relationship and not the family which is a by product. I think I learned a valuable lesson early on with just doing too much faking and shuxing and jiving trying to please and accommodate. Moving forward you either like me or you don’t and either way is okay. I do attract those men very close to their moms and I am very close to my mom so I truly respect their space as I want the same space and respect. I also learned to keep my mom @ bay with my relationships moving forward and she is respecting me as well. It is growth for me just coming into my womanhood I am learning I don’t have to compete with his mom or family.

lolalee

April 9th, 2012
10:44 am

disco interesting perspective. I’d be most concerned my kids ended with quality folks of good character. We’ve had all sorts of dates come around ~ black, asian, latino, white, multiracial. Also many nationalities ~ mexican, brazilian, thai, japanese, canadian. I’ll embrace whomever they date as long as they are quality folks of good character. That’s really the most important thing.

disco

April 9th, 2012
10:59 am

lolalee – agreed however I make the point (with my boys) that aside from the fact of race itself every character trait available to one is available to another. so whatever it is they think they are looking for they should be able to find it without straying. now, if I had daughters I’d be far more open minded with them due to the options available to them. sons, I can’t give them a pass. they’ve got too many options to be acting like they’ve got to look elsewhere. either way, it doesn’t really matter. both of mine are so stuck on themselves right now that I don’t really wish them on anybody until the swelling goes down.

lolalee

April 9th, 2012
11:03 am

disco both of mine are so stuck on themselves right now that I don’t really wish them on anybody until the swelling goes down.

Too funny!

disco

April 9th, 2012
11:12 am

it’s funny but true. they are both awfully full of themselves right now.

lolalee

April 9th, 2012
11:14 am

disco goes with the age, methinks.

Mr. Unknown

April 9th, 2012
11:35 am

Leggs~ “Blessings comes in many disguises…” lol, Yep sure does.

I had a father tell me apon meeting him, that his daughter was his princess and she will get everything that she deserves(she was 28 at the time). I’m thinking of course but I didn”t know he meant that literally. She was 28, BMW daddy bought, Rent daddy paid for, credit card was daddies. She was comparing everything I did to what her father did. It was weird. I wasn’t willing to compete for her affection. Don’t get me wrong I know what my role is in the relationship, but taking ownership of the spoiled mess he created wasn’t it. And how is it that your father is paying for everything but your credit is jacked up??

Lady~

April 9th, 2012
11:41 am

Mr U my cousin is looking for a husband like her daddy and he does all the things you listed………..good luck to those to each their own~

disco

April 9th, 2012
11:43 am

mr. unknown – if you were in my neck of the woods and my ex’s daughter drove a bmw I’d think you had dated his daughter. he definitely created a monster with that one. he knows the situation is bad but has no real desire to change it because “that’s his baby”.

i'm swiss

April 9th, 2012
11:44 am

Mr. U / Lady — I think that whole playing “sugar daddy” bit is just a way for some dads to keep dudes away from their daughter(s). Spoil the crap out of them and no dude will be good enough in her eyes (read: won’t spoil her like daddy), or dudes just won’t want to deal with that mess in the first place. Just a theory.

disco

April 9th, 2012
11:46 am

swiss – interesting theory.

Lady~

April 9th, 2012
11:49 am

swiss and a loop hole to be under cover freaks…..while daddy paying for everything ijs

Mike P

April 9th, 2012
11:52 am

Where’s meeello?

I wanted to ask him if he observes Easter or Passover this past weekend; only because he talks about old testament a-lot.

i'm swiss

April 9th, 2012
11:53 am

Wait, wha….? Lady, you saying the spoiled girls are fa-reaks? Very interesting… that’s good to know. :lol: Now, where to they rate on the Fa-reaky Deaky Scale? Are they up there with preachers’ daughters? :shock: :lol:

Mike P

April 9th, 2012
11:56 am

@disco: hold-dup!!! your 10:59 am post don’t sound right.. double standard looks like.

Robert

April 9th, 2012
11:58 am

“How To – Win a family over after your first impression was a bad one?”

For young men (20-35) – Conform to Society
1. Put on your Sunday Best Clothes and get a haircut -No baseball caps, blue jeans, and sneakers.
2. Show your “manners” – Yes Sir/No Sir, Thank You and Please
3. Show respect at all times – No cussing/fussing, fighting, etc.

Older men (35-55) – Act Your Age
1. Do not date a woman younger or the same age as your daughter – You look like a”sugar daddy”
2. Put on a suit and tie. Act and dress age appropriate -No baseball caps, blue jeans, and sneakers.
3. Show and demand respect at all times. Maturity & Confidence.

Lady~

April 9th, 2012
11:58 am

this one I speak of……..they still treat her like a lil girl their baby but she is freakin’ but basking to miss innocent to her parents while they continue to bankroll her

disco

April 9th, 2012
12:00 pm

SELLERS, HINSHAW, AYERS, DORTCH & LYONS, P.A.

COURTHOUSE FORM

Date: _______________

WORK REQUEST FILE NO.
File 0

Original Summons
0 SHADL 0 CLERK

POST
0 SHADL 0 CLERK

Record 0

Research 0

Miscellaneous 0

Return to:

mike p – it is indeed a double standard but until some things change it is what it is.

disco

April 9th, 2012
12:00 pm

sorry – didn’t check my copy/paste.

Lady~

April 9th, 2012
12:00 pm

she told her parents she was going to the beach for a week last week for her birthday and her mom quickly tells my mom ___________ went to the beach by herself. DEAD where they do that @?!? and further more why lie. this child is GROWN but constantly tells her mom she wants a husband like her daddy but via FB she is seeing someone just not openly to her parents.

Slim's on one

April 9th, 2012
12:01 pm

mothers that think no one is good enough for their sons

Good morning/afternoon,

I’ve been blessed to not have had issues with anyone’s folks not liking me. Matter of fact, my exes mom called me a few months ago telling me I need to get back with him so I can help him get his life together. I told her I need a man that doesn’t need that much pre-assembling. I’m not into raising men. If she would’ve laid off of him in the past and not spoiled him, he’d be more self-sufficient.

Lady~

April 9th, 2012
12:01 pm

Robert you are so funny! lol

Lady~

April 9th, 2012
12:05 pm

warren sapp owns like 250 pair of jordans and behind in child support and broke….Robert what do you say about that sir?!?