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Are you dating a jerk?

I never understood why so many single people put up with bad behavior or rudeness when it came to dating. If these things rear their heads in dating, imagine what being in a relationship with the person will be like?

It happens a lot, sadly, and I wonder if there is some reason for it. If you notice such things as quick tempers, rude to servers, tardiness, and other jerk behavior, why give the person second and third dates?

Why are we so drawn to jerks? I know that no one is perfect, but it seems that many of us endure certain things longer then we should and then wonder why we end up dating a jerk.

How do you know when you are dating a jerk or if someone just has a few bad days? Is it possible to get a jerk to change their ways?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

308 comments Add your comment

Slim's got the fever!

April 6th, 2012
2:24 pm

Basically keep it real…hey I noticed that it has been our way to text, email, fb but I would really like to have a good old fashion phone convo or something to that effect.

Into the Light

April 6th, 2012
2:25 pm

Bluz: If asking for what you want (and what common decency dictates he should do) makes you pushy, then so be it. And again I say, I know you feel damaged, but don’t let that dictate where you set the bar going forward.

@Swiss and Jake: Y’all are too funny!! :)

Leggs

April 6th, 2012
2:26 pm

How do I call him out on that and tell him that I’d like to actually talk to him on the phone sometime without sounding pushy?

You already told him Bluz when you told him he can call any time he like. He heard you.

Leggs

April 6th, 2012
2:28 pm

Whatever your reasoning for not wanting to call him first, put it aside and see if you actually have a telephone conversation or if for some strange reason he rushes off the phone. How many text messages do you guys exchange in a day?

Into the Light

April 6th, 2012
2:29 pm

Bluz: I hope you understand that I don’t mean “damaged” as an insult. I meant you’ve been through a lot emotionally lately, and it’s easy to second guess yourself and your actions when you’re in that place. :)

Exiled!

April 6th, 2012
2:30 pm

Howdee folks!

Bluz?

I think in ur next life u gon be chicken feed! :lol:

Coz u always have something to feed the masses with.

Sorry,the Jesus,feed the folks with five fish role is taken already! :lol:

Slim's got the fever!

April 6th, 2012
2:31 pm

Yall be good and Happy Easter…i’m out!

Into the Light

April 6th, 2012
2:33 pm

Lucky you, Slim!! :) Have a good one, and a safe trip to Bama.

Bluzgirl

April 6th, 2012
2:33 pm

I know what you mean by “damaged.” It’s the truth! Maybe I’m afraid to call him first and he doesn’t answer or doesn’t call me back. We don’t text every day. He’s been really busy at work and I’ve had a lot going on, which he knows. We have only emailed a few times and text every few days or so. He did already call me “honey” on FB. That’s more than what my ex did! LOL

I may be leaning on you guys while I start out on this dating thing! My last few relationships where with people I already knew and was friends with, so I haven’t really been “out there” much. It’s a little scary. I’m not quite ready yet, but will be soon, I think.

Bluzgirl

April 6th, 2012
2:34 pm

Happy Easter Slim!!!

Into the Light

April 6th, 2012
2:38 pm

Bluz: Have you ever heard the expression “We teach people how to treat us”? Keep that in mind going forward. You spend more time with you than anyone else ever will – so make sure you fall in love with you (again!) before considering letting anyone else in. Know what you bring to the table and what you have to offer. I’d bet it’s good stuff. :)

Into the Light

April 6th, 2012
2:39 pm

Okay, I’ve gotta finish up a project. My boss said I can leave, but I have too much work to do. Now that stinks! :(

Leggs

April 6th, 2012
2:43 pm

Happy Easter, Slim!

@Bluz ~ don’t want to burst your bubble, but let’s keep it real. Him calling you honey probably doesn’t mean much. It’s a “sweet nothing.” An empty form of endearment. Sounds good, just saying don’t put too much stock into the word at this juncture.

I ask all that re texting because I’ve exchanged numbers with someone and that’s all he does. He’s 57 and I’m not having it. I called him and informed him that texting is good for some things, but let’s have an old fashioned telephone conversation. Still no phone call, but he’s hell bent on texting. I no longer respond.

Leggs

April 6th, 2012
2:44 pm

” We teach people how to treat us” – That’s it right there! Thats gospel!!!

Bluzgirl

April 6th, 2012
3:02 pm

Leggs…I know it may not mean anything by him calling me honey, but it’s a nice ego boost right now!

We’ll see what happens. When we text over the weekend, I’ll mention something about talking on the phone sometime. I want to hear that cute British accent he has!!! Then again, it might make me melt because it is so sexy! LOL

Leggs

April 6th, 2012
3:07 pm

Then that’s a wonderful thing, Bluz. Ego boosting comes in all forms. Take that which works for you.

Bluzgirl

April 6th, 2012
3:10 pm

I’ve kind of needed the ego boost lately after all I’ve gone through. Even if it turns to nothing, at least it’s making me feel good right now. If nothing else, I’ve got a new friend!

Bluzgirl

April 6th, 2012
3:12 pm

Please…he’s hot!!!! It’s nice to have a hot, intelligent man interested in me!

Bluzgirl

April 6th, 2012
3:15 pm

Plus…not please!

Leggs

April 6th, 2012
3:17 pm

czBrat

April 6th, 2012
3:29 pm

sorry ladies. was overcome with a serious hankering for monster nachos and a cold beer, so i had to make a run to publix. now catching back up.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 6th, 2012
3:32 pm

All you lovely women, have a wonderful weekend…You guys are sweet, beautiful, talented women with wonderful spirits…you are who you are by his grace and mercy, and no one can change that. When you step outside this evening, do me this favor, look up and thank The Almighty for making you, uniquely you….Happy Easter!!!!

Into the Light

April 6th, 2012
3:34 pm

Ooooh, czB! That sounds SO GOOD!!! :)

Leggs

April 6th, 2012
3:35 pm

Thank you, Jake. I will do just that. Nice post!

czBrat

April 6th, 2012
3:39 pm

I think in ur next life u gon be chicken feed!
oh my goodness. what the he!!? guess i’m gonna have to read back further.

Into the Light

April 6th, 2012
3:54 pm

What a lovely post, Jake. Thank you for taking the time to share that with us. :)

Happy Easter. He is risen indeed!

czBrat

April 6th, 2012
3:56 pm

light, just popped open my second miller and refilled the toppings on my nachos. good friday indeed!

bluz, if you’re not quite ready for a relationship then don’t ask him to call you. ask him if it’s ok for you to call him. at least that way you control the pace (to some degree) and don’t feel beholden to his whim.

where’d everybody go?

Into the Light

April 6th, 2012
3:58 pm

cz: Slice up some more jalapenos and chill an extra beer – I’m on the way!! :)

SWISS????

Leggs

April 6th, 2012
4:01 pm

Unfortunately, I’m still here.

i'm swiss

April 6th, 2012
4:06 pm

You rang, ITL?

Into the Light

April 6th, 2012
4:09 pm

Hey! i was missing you! ;)

czBrat

April 6th, 2012
4:11 pm

penos sliced and four brews still chillin. i’m taking a break from shoveling when i finish this round, so you’re good to go.

leggs, this man is woefully lacking in single friends. but you are not forgotten. how’d the second date go? i know it’s been a while. has there already been a third? fourth?

Into the Light

April 6th, 2012
4:18 pm

Wait, what?!?!? Second dates? Leggs, are you holding out on me??? ;)

Leggs

April 6th, 2012
4:19 pm

Thanks, czB. Keep on your ps and qs.

That wasn’t the second date when asked if it was a “repeat.” Things are going well. Going slow, but things are nice.

i'm swiss

April 6th, 2012
4:20 pm

If it makes you feel any better, ITL, I’m eating your pdu$$y in spirit. :lol:

Bluzgirl

April 6th, 2012
4:20 pm

cz…that’s not a bad idea. I’m open to something down the line…just not quite yet. We’re in the “getting to know each other” phase. There may be a part of me that is afraid that if we start talking on the phone, that I may become too attached. I don’t want a rebound!!! That’s not fair to either one of is. I’ll see what the weekend brings…Thanks all!!!

Leggs

April 6th, 2012
4:23 pm

Into the Light

April 6th, 2012
4:25 pm

i'm swiss

April 6th, 2012
4:26 pm

Into the Light

April 6th, 2012
4:28 pm

Bluz, repeat after me: 1….2….3….. (now deep breath in aaaaaannnnnd exhale)…..

czBrat

April 6th, 2012
4:30 pm

awwww. happiness! luv to read that “things are nice”. that’s a great way to put it.

no worries, girl. i think it’s very important to keep things at a pace, distance and frequency that YOU’RE comfortable with if you’re just coming out of a difficult relationship. if you leave it all up to the dude, and he doesn’t respond the way you would like, you’re likely to start second guessing yourself your worth, your prospects, etc. you really don’t need that right now.
sorry, i don’t know your back story so the advice is kinda generic, but it’s meant with much luv all the same.

** now suffering that uncomfortable “overfull” feeling. yuk! putting the rest of the nachos and fixins aside for ITL.

Leggs

April 6th, 2012
4:33 pm

ITL gets the nachos after they’ve become a little wilted (lol).

Bluzgirl

April 6th, 2012
4:34 pm

1…2…3…BREATHE!!! LOL!

Into the Light

April 6th, 2012
4:35 pm

Thanks, cz!!

@Mean Girl Leggs: I don’t mind the wilted ones (well, nachos) as long as they’re not TOO soggy.

Into the Light

April 6th, 2012
4:36 pm

Good job, Bluz! Feel better? :)

Bluzgirl

April 6th, 2012
4:37 pm

I’m a little ticked off right now…I work until five, but we close the doors at 4. Usually, on a holiday weekend, my boss will tell us to leave at 4. She hasn’t said a word about leaving early. Not like she has to, but it just irks me a little!

Leggs

April 6th, 2012
4:37 pm

Leggs

April 6th, 2012
4:39 pm

@Bluz ~ mine just came out of his office saying “well I think we are JUST ABOUT done here. I know his tricks. I didn’t say a word! I remember years ago asking if I could leave early the day before Thanksgiving. You only have to give me a smart answer one time. I never walked back into his den ever since!

i'm swiss

April 6th, 2012
4:40 pm

Have a great weekend, everybody!

Bluzgirl

April 6th, 2012
4:40 pm

Yes…feel better!