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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Are you dating a jerk?

I never understood why so many single people put up with bad behavior or rudeness when it came to dating. If these things rear their heads in dating, imagine what being in a relationship with the person will be like?

It happens a lot, sadly, and I wonder if there is some reason for it. If you notice such things as quick tempers, rude to servers, tardiness, and other jerk behavior, why give the person second and third dates?

Why are we so drawn to jerks? I know that no one is perfect, but it seems that many of us endure certain things longer then we should and then wonder why we end up dating a jerk.

How do you know when you are dating a jerk or if someone just has a few bad days? Is it possible to get a jerk to change their ways?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

308 comments Add your comment

New and just lurking around

April 5th, 2012
11:37 am

The Nice Guy I was talking about in my previous post is not the nerdish social skill lacking fellow you see on TV. I am talking about a regular guy.
Nice Guy Behavior
Caring and attentive (listens to her)
Clean Mouth (no foul words or disrespectful music (at least when with her))
One Girl at a time kind of guy
Gentlemanly behavior (opens the door for her, offer his coat when she is cold, walks her to her car, makes sure she get home safe , calls or text to check up on her and so on)

(usually the nice guys get taken for granted, the girls picks and chooses when she want to call him, strings him along and he is usually the backup plan or she makes plans and cancel last minute because she feels he would understand)

Jerk type Behavior
Indifferent and selfish (does what he wants, only calls when he wants somethin)
Loud and foul mouth (uses curse words and play disrespectful music)
Rude and obnoxious (talks to the girl however he wants or feels like)
Late and changes plans on her
Openly flirts with other girls in her presence (this one is golden because usually the girl starts feeling like she is not as attractive and wants to prove how attractive she is to him)

I have reeled in more girls with the jerk type of behavior (it always amazes me how it seems to work not proud of it though) than when i am Nice or gentlemanly. the funny thing is there are some girls that initially do not want me when i am being nice but the moment i start to act indifferent and insensitive towards them its like i flipped an attraction switch in them.

kimmie

April 5th, 2012
11:48 am

New – All I can say is that sounds like you’re dealing with some immature women and you sound immature yourself. Just calling it as I read it in your post, not putting you down.

Anyone that allows themself to be taken for granted and treated disrespectfully is a doormat. Nobody likes or respects a doormat.

Any man that has to stoop to changing himself to be disrespecful is still a boy, not a man. A man never changes his behavior in a negative way to change the behavior of others. You behave like a man and set the standard. Other then follow your lead and behave accordingly. And men that behave like real men attract real women. Boys behaving as such reel in GIRLS, like you refer to in your post, not LADIES.

But this true understanding only comes with real maturity. And some there are some at 40, 50 and beyond that still don’t get it.

Slim's got the fever!

April 5th, 2012
11:49 am

New – How old are you, if you don’t mind answering? (And Welcome!)

GracieL

April 5th, 2012
11:51 am

“Could it be that the guy who’s a complete ass to the server at the restaurant is a real sweetheart with his girl in private?”

Not in earnest. If a person behaves that way toward a server, that is a BIG RED FLAG that he (or she) does not respect other people. Sure, he can turn on the charm in private later — to get what he wants. People who pick and choose those to whom they’ll apply the golden rule do not really follow the golden rule.

disco

April 5th, 2012
11:56 am

kimmie – mm mmm mmmmmm.

gracie – not that you brought up the golden rule. boy that’s a course some folks need a refresher in for real. you see it so much though with folks acting like they think they are better than other folks. servers, gardeners, the guys at the car wash. you see the so-called “professionals” acting like they think they are better than the “staff”. some folks really need to get a grip.

kimmie

April 5th, 2012
12:01 pm

disco – My mom used to talk about how we should treat the “staff” with kindness. You never know who you might need in this world and you could find yourself in that position one day, you never know. She was a teacher and would always be kind to the janitor and the cafeteria staff. I wouldn’t be nasty to anyone, but especially someone preparing my food!

Into the Light

April 5th, 2012
12:07 pm

I heard the revamped version of the golden rule the other day. The facilitator called it the “Platinum Rule” and it’s “Treat others the way THEY want to be treated.” I guess it makes sense, but I still think as long as you treat folks with respect, you’re golden. (pun intended!) :lol:

Slow blog day…..

disco

April 5th, 2012
12:09 pm

ITL – platinum might be pushing it for me. I know too many folks who want and expect you to kiss their behinds and I’ll be darned if I’m going out like that.

very slow day. some folks may have got a jump on their holiday weekend. I’m not one of those folks.

New and just lurking around

April 5th, 2012
12:13 pm

to answer you Slim i am 25,
Kimmie – i am just calling it like i see it or from my experience that why i said girls from 21-30. Maybe its immature or not. I do not go around treating woman like an ass but the moment i realize a girls starts trying to take me for granted i can longer treat her nice. and the point i was trying to make is that, when i stop treating the girl nice and start acting like a jerk towards her she starts telling me she wants me but to me its too late because i can no longer take her seriously.
I was not saying i go acking like a jerk to girls to reel in girl, i was simply starting the reaction i get back from girls when i stop treating them nice. More often than not it seems the same girls want me more. (cant understand it and cant explain it)

Celisea

April 5th, 2012
12:16 pm

Just wow, okie dokie and unbelievable. SMH and so not cute

Into the Light

April 5th, 2012
12:23 pm

@disco: I thought the same thing when I first heard it. But then I remembered how some folks get uptight if I say “yes ma’am”, so I guess in some cases it holds true.

I wish I was getting a jump on the holiday, but i’ll be right here holding it down tomorrow. My mom says to me every year, “You don’t get Good Friday off????” and shakes her head. She did it just the other day….

Into the Light

April 5th, 2012
12:23 pm

SMH and so not cute

Dang, Cely, so I’m having a bad hair day…sheesh!! :lol: :lol:

Celisea

April 5th, 2012
12:24 pm

ITL – Hey Girlie! I’m sitting here comtemplating if I should spin next week because it’s going to cause “bad hair”…lol

Celisea

April 5th, 2012
12:26 pm

ITL – On the Platinum Rule, we hear it in EVERY seminar, conference or meeting. I’m with you, if God gave the Golden Rule then I ain’t touching it. It is sufficient.

Celisea

April 5th, 2012
12:27 pm

contemplating

SexyCool

April 5th, 2012
12:28 pm

“My gawd, the dead has arisen.” (Gratuitous Color Purple reference)

Hey y’all….(waving)

czBrat

April 5th, 2012
12:31 pm

now that i’m done with the flurry of tenants who run in here on the 5th of the month with $$$ because they don’t want to be evicted ….. :mad:

reeling in more girls with loutish behavior is all fine and dandy. but what type of girl are we talking about? is it really worth driving the numbers up just to say that soooo many chicks go for it? why not stick to being nice and gentlemanly and be content with the one chick that appreciates (and reciprocates) that?

and as for flipping a switch, please be aware that any woman will disregard you if you’re being a doormat (like kimmie said) but give you your due respect when you behave in a respectable manner. maybe you’re missing the very fine line between being boorish and strong.

Into the Light

April 5th, 2012
12:31 pm

@C – Right on! :)

@SCool – Hey!! How’s the wedding planning going?

disco

April 5th, 2012
12:31 pm

hmmm. I’ve never heard of this platinum rule until today. I do understand folks taking issue with being called ma’am or what have you (I’ve heard countless women say they feel old but they also have to consider some folks were raised to say it) but that’s a simple thing. when you get to folks wanting you to bow down and kiss their feet it’s a whole new ball game. they will simply be getting my basic, run of the mill, dime a dozen version of basic common courtesy and respect. no more, no less.

SexyCool

April 5th, 2012
12:37 pm

My planner is not happy with me. Work is so crazy right now that it takes me two days to return her calls sometimes. I gave her total control of the decor. I only specified the colors and the budget.

We’ve had to change the date twice. I still haven’t done a guest list. M has decided that he wants groomsmen. So, I now have to come up with bridesmaids. (Just two…but still…)

But…at least my venue deposits are made and….I have a dress. (Now, I just need to lose these last 15 pounds that I’ve been lying about for forever…so I can look like I think I should in it.)

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 5th, 2012
12:39 pm

@Kimmie

After working as a cook, and seeing what I saw (and may have done – I admit no wrongdoing), I say ‘yes sir’ and ‘yes ma’am’ to every person that serves, cooks, or otherwise goes near my food.

Them people is ruthless

SC in da house!

SexyCool

April 5th, 2012
12:41 pm

kimmie – I got your email the other day. It’s just hard to form coherent thoughts that are not work related. By the time I get home, I’m wiped out. My project started the week of the 18th.

My only saving grace was that M was traveling for work for the first ten days of the project when I was working 18 hour days. My friends and family have gotten used to not talking to me. (Insert frown here.)

disco

April 5th, 2012
12:43 pm

dan – and apparently you can’t even trust folks at home. I have a co-worker who told me just as proud as she could that she put “foreign objects” into food she served her ex-husband (good for him) and her son (he’s stuck for life). I told her that playing with folks’ food isn’t cool under any circumstances and her response was that they shouldn’t have made her mad. needless to say I look at the co-workers with pity when they are gobbling down the treats that this chick brings to work.

SexyCool

April 5th, 2012
12:43 pm

Dan – remember how I got in touch with you at the beginning of the year to remind you about the homestead exemption?

How about this….immediately afterwards, I got thrown into gearing up for this project and FORGOT ALL ABOUT doing my own. Friday, I just happened to be looking for something else and came across the paperwork and was able to submit the application AT the deadline.

Yeesh….

SexyCool

April 5th, 2012
12:44 pm

disco – your co-worker needs to be on meds WHILE on lock up.

disco

April 5th, 2012
12:48 pm

SCool – I believe she is on meds but I think she’s just plain nasty. this is the same chick who thinks it’s acceptable to cut her toenails at her desk.

Into the Light

April 5th, 2012
12:51 pm

Oh dear lawd….. not toenail chick. I can’t believe anyone would even think about eating anything she brings in. ((((shudder)))))

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 5th, 2012
12:51 pm

@SC – Thanks again, and wow; them’s the cost for being the boss….which is why I stay in my lane.

Are you finished with the project?

SexyCool

April 5th, 2012
12:56 pm

Dan – this is just Day 19 of a three year contract. But as you know, start-ups are chaotic. The expectation is that things will even out in the next six weeks or so. And I should have a new normal within the next three months.

Leggs

April 5th, 2012
1:01 pm

Good afternoon. Been a dosey of a morning.

I do not put up with bad behavior and rude men, one of many reasons why I’ve been slow to date.

@disco ~ been at hospital all morning, but while in waiting room I started “Life On The Color Line.” I flipped page to next chapter at the same time the hospital Chaplin was walking by. She stopped and asked what I was reading because Chapter 5 is titled “Learning How to be N….ers.” Unfortunately, it wasn’t funny, but then again it was. I explained the premise of the book to her and she was very intrigued. So, suffice it to say I’m at the point in the book where the boys just moved to “the other side of the tracks.” I’m enjoying the book and can only imagine the pain/prejudice they are about to experience.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 5th, 2012
1:03 pm

Wow. You a good one.

New job, wedding, etc.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 5th, 2012
1:04 pm

@Leggs, you (and/or Lil Leggs) aight?

SexyCool

April 5th, 2012
1:14 pm

Actually…what I am is a stressed one. (lol)

Leggs

April 5th, 2012
1:15 pm

@Dan ~ we are fine. Took my ex to have surgery. He couldn’t drive to nor fro, his mama has no license so that’s where I step in. Finished much later than I thought so I saw no reason to go into work. Me need FOOD!

Hey there SexyC!

Exiled!

April 5th, 2012
1:16 pm

Jerk??

That’s subjective!

But every man with a backbone needs some jerky qualities.

If u ain’t got some jerk in you But are labelled a ‘Nice’ guy,you probably are and more…the females especially your own,runs you over.

You feel sorry for them when its the woman that displays ultra jerk behavior and he is incapable of handling it.

She can’t do that to a jerk.

Jerks certainly aren’t fair players. But they get the job done.

And more!

Howdee

SexyCool

April 5th, 2012
1:18 pm

One woman’s jerk is another woman’s Prince Charming.

cba

April 5th, 2012
1:20 pm

Leggs~ you are very good people……I bet you do things for your ex because of lil leggs.

Slim's got the fever!

April 5th, 2012
1:23 pm

Leggs – That was mighty nice of you to do for the ex. And you make me want to go pick that book up. I’ve never heard of it

Would yall say DMX is a jerk, azzhole or what?

Blu

April 5th, 2012
1:31 pm

I deal with a jerk by taking their voice away, ignore them like they never existed.

SexyCool

April 5th, 2012
1:34 pm

Leggs is just good people period. And she can cook.

Exiled!

April 5th, 2012
1:36 pm

Slim?

What DMX do for u to ask?

Leggs…’from his mama’ ?? He live with mama or he was just there temporarily? And No license?
U did good tho.

What else…let’s see…

Slim…u prego yet?

Leggs

April 5th, 2012
1:39 pm

@cba – yes, I do. But he has done a lot here at the house when I couldn’t do things or pay someone to do things. We have a great barter system (w/o sex, Ex).

@Slim ~ DMX is all of that and some more! Add selfish to the list as well. Disco told us about the book months ago and ordered right then. Just now cracking the spine. It is a very interesting read. Can you imagine living your life as white young boys with privileges only to be snatched up and taken to live with your father’s side of the family who are black and not so privileged (monetarily that is because they’re very privileged in other areas)? And, it’s a true story.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 5th, 2012
1:40 pm

@ Leggs – Yeah, that’s that GNS good stuff.

@SC – Ginseng from a health food store, or buy it, and put it in tea (ginger too). Be mindful to cycle off that stuff; but it’ll keep you going and it’s not bad for you in limited amounts (no more than 2 cups of tea a day though)

@Slim – X is a crack addict; his personality is addicted to that hard white

Leggs

April 5th, 2012
1:42 pm

@Slim ~ “Life on the Color Line,” by Gregory Howard Williams. I got a hardback copy from Amazon.com for $3.95.

Leggs

April 5th, 2012
1:44 pm

@Dan ~ brain frazzled, been up since 3:45 am. What is GNS?

Exiled!

April 5th, 2012
1:44 pm

A great batter system with ur ex..

now that some hustling Leggs! :lol:

and it’s ur ex so whatever u give Up,it’s All good.

As long as u doing it for lil Leggs…

batter?
that’s some grown woman talk Leggs! :lol:

Slim's got the fever!

April 5th, 2012
1:46 pm

Ex – I asked about DMX because him and his wife are on the Celibrity counseling show and he sort of showed his ass on one of the last episodes. I believe she said he’s fathered 6 kids with other women during their marriage. At one point on the show he jumped up and basically said he was going to continue to eff chicks until his dizzle falls off and that he NEVER wanted to get married.

Dan – Yeah, buddy is on something harder than the green stuff. I guess I’ve never really seen him in a conversational type situation such as the therapy before. Has me sitting there like WOOOOOOOW! I think he has one of those personalities that he is going to do what he wants to do and he’s going to go out doing just that. He’ll probably never ever get clean nor wants to it seems. I just hope he gets some great time in with all of his kids before anything really bad happens

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 5th, 2012
1:47 pm

Good Ninja iSht

Mo (aka Moeisha)

April 5th, 2012
1:47 pm

Hello All!!

A sistah gets a moment to breathe and pops in!! Hope everyone is doing well!!

So whats going on party people?!

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 5th, 2012
1:48 pm

Yeah @Slim: X bypassed the alcohol and went straight to crack when he got on…

What’s this about you getting pregnant? What news from the ‘Dec?