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Should you juggle dates?

One of the perks of being single and unattached is having the freedom to mix and mingle, meet new potential marches. When you are lucky enough to find not one but two really cool people, should you juggle them?

Is it bad dating ethics to see more than one person until you are sure about how you feel about each of them?

A guy friends has a problem when he is seeing one woman while she is still juggling a couple of suitors. He feels as if she is obligated to let him know if he is not the only one in the picture. He admits that it would change his efforts – and it could result in him losing interest.

When do you juggle dates and when do you decide it’s time to let one go? Do you think it is good to tell when they are one of many people jockeying for your time?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

228 comments Add your comment

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
11:30 am

Lady – Yep that might be better. That way it’s cooled down some and we can enjoy the patio.

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
11:30 am

yeah Leggs I get that too…………………it is what it is….I say just get to know someone an dlisten….time and actions will answer some questions and red flags~

kimmie

April 4th, 2012
11:31 am

Leggs – Maybe that’s a roundabout way of complimenting you “I can’t believe a nice lady like you hasn’t been snatched up”!

Or, by “not believing” you, it’s a way to justify their juggling activities. A player move.

Either way, it’s their problem, not yours. Personally, other than “I’m single or not seeing anyone seriously” is an acceptable level of honesty about the question early on. Anything beyond that is none of your business until things start getting more serious.

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
11:33 am

Either way, it’s their problem, not yours. Personally, other than “I’m single or not seeing anyone seriously” is an acceptable level of honesty about the question early on. Anything beyond that is none of your business until things start getting more serious<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<Agree. I am just not ignorant to the fact with some obvious things………….like I said time will tell the tale~

Leggs

April 4th, 2012
11:37 am

@kimmie ~ it is a roundabout way of complimenting, but don’t there is disbelief. I have had many shake their heads in wonderment. Such is life. I haven’t encountered that one who likes my blend of coffee (me), nor me liking their’s.

Leggs

April 4th, 2012
11:38 am

Exactly, Lady….time will tell the tale!

kimmie

April 4th, 2012
11:40 am

Mike P – I get it and respect your view. But in your example you have “made the decision” to date her and only her. You absolutely deserve the same respect back from her. I’m talking about coming out of the gate, 1st or 2nd date. At that point, the lines are fuzzy. She can’t accept a 1st date unless absolutely no one else might call her? It’s not realistic.

Decisions whether or not to pay should be about who asked who out on the date.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 4th, 2012
11:45 am

@Kimmie

There’s an old saying: “find out if she’s worth it, then treat her like a queen.”

So I’m ret there with Mike on that one.

Row 125, seat 11B

April 4th, 2012
11:46 am

Wow…..This never seemed to be that big a deal….If someone asks then be honest, but if there has not been a conversation about being exclusive, then YOU ARE NOT EXCLUSIVE! Don’t be messy and keep it respectful and this should be a non issue……….

kimmie

April 4th, 2012
11:47 am

Mike P – How does the pay issue come up anyway??? Is it okay, then, if she says she’s seeing other people because they all go dutch?

Sorry, the “who pays on a date” issues are a real pet peeve with me. Can’t stand cheapness. A dude could keep his little pennies if it’s such a problem! Again, just me!

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
11:50 am

Kimmie it irks my nerves too!!!!! smh

kimmie

April 4th, 2012
11:51 am

Dan – Again, I’m with him too, but AGAIN, he’s talking about after the decision has been made to be exclusive! Why would you spend time and money on someone you deem not worthy?

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
11:53 am

Imma have to side the ladies on “pay” being an issue. I don’t get that. But I do understand not wanting to date a bunch of folks. That’s just how it is for me and where I stand. I think it just feeds right down the alley of greedy folks. I understand and get it when meeting someone new, the dynamics…I get that. But some folks you can’t get them “that” much. Like the old saying….give an inch and they’ll take a mile. So for some it’s just a crutch to do what they already know ain’t cool.

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
11:56 am

And for the greedy, they ain’t gonna tell me it’s easy to just “nip it”, lickity split, nice and clean….the narrow down. If you’ve enjoyed the company of say two or three and each has a little bit of something you like, at what point do you narrow? Do you go in eliminating or do you just bask in several and THEEEEN after so long a time try and decide? I’m not buying. That’s the skeptic in me talking…lol J/K/B/N/R

kimmie

April 4th, 2012
11:56 am

Celisea – I’m with you on that too, not wanting to date a bunch of folks OR deal with someone who does.

I’ve just never had that much going on that it was an issue anyway. Just participating in the discussion! :)

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 4th, 2012
11:57 am

@Kimmie

Of course I did. And you don’t find out they weren’t worth it until after that money is spent.

Thus, the saying…

Sassy Me...Beaming!! ;-)

April 4th, 2012
11:57 am

We’re gonna do it again in May. Make sure to keep your calendar open

I’d like to join if that’s okay….

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
11:59 am

Kimmie – I’ve just never had that much going on that it was an issue anyway. Just participating in the discussion!

Chile, me either…lol I ain’t been one that’s had hundreds beating down the door. Just stating my stance on the topic but I ain’t got it going on like that. And frankly some dudes, yeah but I bet many (dudes) that have….have to sponsor to keep it going….lol Maybe that’s what Mike P is talking about :)

If you gotta sponsor to get it, you ain’t REEAALLLYY got it like that. You just bought it.

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
11:59 am

Hey Sassy….Yes chile you’re welcome to join :)

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
12:00 pm

Sure Sassy and anyone else that wants to join….will do a email for it closer to the date~

Leggs

April 4th, 2012
12:01 pm

Thank you kimmie (11:40).

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
12:02 pm

May 11th possibly any time after 5:30 no strict rules very laid back chill mode

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
12:03 pm

Lady and others – What about the Thursday before? I have something that Friday….

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
12:05 pm

works for me sis~

Mike P

April 4th, 2012
12:06 pm

@kimmie: it has nothing to do with cheapness, its all about setting high standards, what I am willing to accept or not. If I am dating a women, we already have had build upon a report, We’ve already talked, chatted on the phone, and we’ve already exchanged ideas of the minds, so I have already decided that she’s quality material, I would date because of it, I just need to know if we’re compatible or not and to interact with a more intimately .Remember I don’t date for fun; dating is all about finding a mate and entering into a relationship; serious business. If we’re going dutch, splitting cost, and seeing other people then, I am not taking the outing seriously, but we just hanging out like friends where I won’t be calling you afterwards like I would’ve in a “REAL” date.

Bottom line, If I am taking a woman on a date, she already knows where I stand on the subject, so there’s no surprises on her part. If I dismiss her, ghost on her, or fade away, she already knows how she messed up.

Sassy Me...Beaming!! ;-)

April 4th, 2012
12:07 pm

Sounds good ladies…email me por favor at: gyz3@cdc.gov. My other email accounts are blocked (hotmail & yahoo) in my office and I don’t want to walk to the common area in the next building..

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
12:07 pm

May 10th any objections after 5:30?!?

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
12:08 pm

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
12:08 pm

Works for me Lady :)

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
12:08 pm

where is ITL Leggs you are down too I hope?!?

Sassy Me...Beaming!! ;-)

April 4th, 2012
12:09 pm

I’m good with that Celi…

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
12:10 pm

Sassy- Okay…fantab

kimmie

April 4th, 2012
12:13 pm

Mike P – You & I think alike on this more than you know. Speaking as a woman, if a dude even suggested going dutch, then it was not a date. I go dutch with friends & coworkers. So that right there let me know where we stand. My experience has been more like your post – we’ve built a rapport and such even before going out.

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
12:14 pm

I understood and get all of Mike P’s 12:06. It’s all about setting standards and I agree. Still, don’t get hung up on money. If it’s not going to be something solid, you won’t really be spending that much.

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
12:15 pm

we’ve built a rapport and such even before going out.<<<<<<<<<so important and supports my time frame assessment~

Leggs

April 4th, 2012
12:16 pm

Sounds like a plan.

@MikeP ~ “dating is all about finding a mate and entering into a relationship; serious business.” I agree. That’s why you ask important questions right out the gate. Once a person gets to that first date, I would think many conversations have taken place (unless it’s a blind date).

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
12:16 pm

kimmie

April 4th, 2012
12:17 pm

Still, don’t get hung up on money. If it’s not going to be something solid, you won’t really be spending that much

Celisea – Worth repeating!

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
12:19 pm

Kimmie – Just a few dollars at the most. I would think while you’re spending and setting up dates, you’re feeling the person out. If it’s a no go, no point in several dates.

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
12:23 pm

If it’s not going to be something solid, you won’t really be spending that much.<<<<<<<<at all

kimmie

April 4th, 2012
12:25 pm

Celisea – So right, which is why if a dude is that hung up on money he shouldn’t be leading with his wallet anyway. Coffee & dessert, a moderately priced dinner, shouldn’t set him back so much he needs to complain about it, or he shouldn’t be dating – in my opinion! Concentrate on getting to know a person and making better choices – whining about money is worrying about the wrong thing – again in my opinion!

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
12:31 pm

whining period

kimmie

April 4th, 2012
12:39 pm

whining period

Lady – :lol:

Exiled!

April 4th, 2012
12:47 pm

Should you juggle dates?

If you are single,Ofcourse!

There is no other way to screen them. And it really doesn’t make sense to want to screen them sequentially…one by one as you meet them.

Who meets a chic,even nice one at that and takes the ultimate Big decision from Jump?

So here come dating rotation. Guys play the game. Chics play the game too but pretend like they don’t!

And never (guys) show your cards Anyway! The moment you do,she holds it against u even tho she may be playing u the very same way.

There is no Explicit show and tell in dating,on either side,until things have heated up and the two have been around each other more and more.

But playing is Expensive!

Not many can play! :lol:

Play with the ones worthy of your dollars!

Remember,(like read earlier) the ladies prefer We pay!

Another of those double standards but real men are cool with it!

Howdee!

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
12:47 pm

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
12:53 pm

Kimmie – I agree. We can spin right on around to leading with you wallet, then whining…and so on and so on and so on…lol

Mike P

April 4th, 2012
12:53 pm

who’s whining?? I didn’t bring up being cheap, encouraging cheapness, nor did I complain about paying for dates… I simply said that I wasn’t going to pay (or continue to pay) for a women who gonna disrespect me; her being a player and all. Date Juggler = player

New and just lurking around

April 4th, 2012
12:56 pm

I think the reason why a lot of guy talk about the “whose paying ” is that you have a lot of females who have no interest in a guy but they accept multiple dates and they use the guy to go to all the nice place they cannot afford or just want to go. My question is how many dates does the guy have to take the girl out before she at least offers to pay??? Me personally after 3 dates of my treat the 4th she pays or she cooks for me. if she refuses then its deuces. I am not trying to be anyones sponsor. I personnally feel that if she agrees to at least pay for a date or better yet cook something nice for me, then that is an indicator that she may be interested. any comments???

Exiled!

April 4th, 2012
12:59 pm

Ur stance is right Mike P..protecting what’s urs..that’s the whole idea.

They aren’t many chics tho with ur mindset..they may not even like the dude like that,but many accept dates just to fleece the guy until they find the one they really want. That happens.

If u lame,u lose coz there are chics like that.

That is also why a lot of dudes want pay ‘off’ early on. :lol:

Third date at the House! :lol:

Hey Lady!

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
1:05 pm

I actually like Mike P’s stance. I just think he’s overthinking paying. But overall I find it commendable.