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Should you juggle dates?

One of the perks of being single and unattached is having the freedom to mix and mingle, meet new potential marches. When you are lucky enough to find not one but two really cool people, should you juggle them?

Is it bad dating ethics to see more than one person until you are sure about how you feel about each of them?

A guy friends has a problem when he is seeing one woman while she is still juggling a couple of suitors. He feels as if she is obligated to let him know if he is not the only one in the picture. He admits that it would change his efforts – and it could result in him losing interest.

When do you juggle dates and when do you decide it’s time to let one go? Do you think it is good to tell when they are one of many people jockeying for your time?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

228 comments Add your comment

Lily

April 4th, 2012
6:07 am

I guess not, being single but I too would like to know. I’m like your friend Diva, I know I won’t stay interested knowing you have the luxury of switching up as I’d much rather prefer to not be in a line-up. But since technically you’re single you can do that…..just leave me out of it. If you won’t be honorable enough to be honest and tell me, I’m out anyway once I leatn the truth. You have a right to date as you want being single and I have a right to take a pass.

al

April 4th, 2012
7:41 am

As long as you are up front about it, dating more than one person at a time is more than OK. Dating is a time to get to know someone to see if there might be potential for something longer term. It can take several dates to even begin to make those choices. Seems silly to stop seeing one person you don’t know that well because you are seeing someone else you don’t know that well.

I would not blindly broadcast to a date that I was dating other people. But if she asked, I would be honest and let her know that I was. And at the point that you decide that a person definitely is not the right match for you, you need to let them know so they can move on.

Slim's got the fever!

April 4th, 2012
8:06 am

Good morning,

Even though I’m not one to really date several folks at once it sounds like folks want to start out in a relationship then work backwards to see if they are going to make a good match. Dating is dating. I would never assume that a guy who is showing new interest in me is not talking, dating, dealing with, humping someone else at that moment. As we learned here the other day, some folks hang out with the opposite sex, just to go out or have something to do…so you just never know what a persons situation is. I have let guys know that i’m dating or whatever. As time progresses, someone is going to eventually get diminishing time together and the other who is “in the lead’ so to speak with start to get more attention. It’s almost like shopping for insurance. You see what each company is offering, have them provide you with a few quotes, see if it works with what you have going on, then decide and choose one.

George P Burdell

April 4th, 2012
8:16 am

While I agree that as long as you are up front about it, dating more than one person at a time is OK.
Unfortunately, few people will disclose that they are dating other people, and many are just “players” that just need an excuse so that they don’t have to admit that they enjoy the ego boost and thrill of having multiple partners.
Personally, it is a red flag, and I put such people on my “B” list (OK to date until something better comes along… then good bye).

Reio

April 4th, 2012
8:58 am

I was always a one woman man. If I’m seeing you,I won’t stick around if you’re seeing someone else besides me. Never had this experience though. I would also like to be told by her that she is seeing someone else. During my dating days, I would ask “Are you seeing someone?” or “Are you in a relationship?” If the answer is “Yes”, I’m gone. Each time I asked that question, the answer was “No”. I’m sure a few of them lied, but I never caught them.

Leggs

April 4th, 2012
9:00 am

Morning.

I don’t see much wrong with dating a few in the beginning, meaning first few dates. Being single affords you the opportunity to date and find out who will be a match for you. Until the convo turns to being exclusive, then dating is what single people do. Like Slim said, just because we went out on a date I can’t honestly think he doesn’t have someone else in rotation. If we connect, find that we truly want to be with each other, the others will drop by the wayside. But, going in first telling him I’m dating others, I won’t volunteer. If asked, I’ll tell the truth.

Leggs

April 4th, 2012
9:02 am

@Reio ~ those are the questions that should be asked upfront. Are you married, are you living with someone, are you involved with someone? Then, you can decide your next step which should be looking for the nearest Exit sign.

BIG OTT

April 4th, 2012
9:03 am

I prefer to juggle Juggies instead.

It is less stressful and saves on gas.

Mike P

April 4th, 2012
9:14 am

Good Morning,

Interesting choice of topic as we head into prime dating/mating season lol.

I’ve said it here before; I’ll say it again. I don’t date women who play this game, personally I just can’t do it and I shouldn’t have to apologize for it. Either you choose to date me OR you choose to date someone else, period!!!

audra

April 4th, 2012
9:14 am

I don’t think you have to tell. One clarification: if you are sleeping with someone, in my view you shouldn’t be sleeping with others. That’s just a given. But if you’re just dating, I think all’s fair until you and another person have chosen to take it to another level.

Leggs

April 4th, 2012
9:16 am

How different is this if you’re online dating. You meet someone nice, go out a few times. Should you close our profile down simply because you dated someone. Like I said, until you two talk about being exclusive, you’re simply dating.

Reio

April 4th, 2012
9:25 am

I don’t remember ever having a talk about being exclusive. I assumed that I was the only one she was seeing, and I knew she was the only one I was seeing. Never had that specific conversation though. Never came up.

Leggs

April 4th, 2012
9:31 am

In 2012, I think that convo is necessary, Reio. Sure, there are times when it’s obvious both are exclusive with one another, but things can be so murky I think it’s prudent to have that conversation.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 4th, 2012
9:34 am

I didn’t offer information that wasn’t needed beyond a need to know basis. That gives everyone plausible deniability to say “I didn’t know” and “You didn’t ask”.

By the time we go together – they’d know it.

Morning

Reio

April 4th, 2012
9:38 am

Even if you’re honest up front, how do you tell the one that gets dumped that you’re dumping them? I guess it’s a little easier if they know that you could possibly start seeing the other one exclusively.I mean, how do you say it? “Alright, I called you to tell you that I’ve made up my mind, you’re out, the other one is in. Hit the road”

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
9:43 am

Morning lovelies,

This is just my take on the matter:

Personally, I don’t want to be bothered with somebody’s rotation. Period. Point blank. Yes I know folks will date others while “dating”, even so it’s not how I play and I would appreciate a man that’s honest enough to lay it out there, allowing me the option to move it along. That’s just me and how I feel about my person. You don’t have to date a sea of people to know if one is right for you. You can date one and determine if one is right for you. IMO it’s an excuse for ice cream and cake eating. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking anyone nor their preferences. Just saying for me I wouldn’t date several men mainly because I wouldn’t want it done to me. I’m selfish like that.

Off topic: I’ve been invited by a friend to attend a spin class today….I’m going :)

Reio

April 4th, 2012
9:44 am

Or you could call up and say “I’ve made up my mind, you’re both out. Hit the road. Now I need to find two more people to date.” Is this how it goes? Hehehe…

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
9:45 am

And really if it was THAT honorable, why is it the vast majority dating many at once won’t disclose? Because they know it ain’t exactly something a person wants to hear or know….”btw, you’re next up after Sambooka, Triketa and Falenda” Ummm, that’s not all that appealing.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 4th, 2012
9:46 am

@Reio

Tell them the truth: “You aren’t the only person that I am/was seeing; but I found someone that I want to get to know better, so we can’t see each other anymore. I wish you luck in life and love.”

Into the Light

April 4th, 2012
9:51 am

Morning, all!

Didn’t we have this discussion recently?

My two cents: I’m a one-at-a-time kinda girl. I like to devote my time and attention to one guy and get to know him and then decide if it’s worth pursuing further.

(Have mercy I am fighting the typo beast this morning. Chalk it up to pain meds. Stupid bulging discs.)

Reio

April 4th, 2012
9:54 am

Dan – still…Su, Sounds nice and direct. Straight to the point. But basically, what you’re telling her is to haul azz, right? I mean, that’s what it boils down to.

Stonethrower

April 4th, 2012
9:54 am

Monkey bars: Swing to one while holding on the other.

Spinsterlicious

April 4th, 2012
9:56 am

There is nothing wrong with juggling dates. That is absolutely one of the perks of being single. Just be honest about it. There are lots of ways to “live single and happy”…without deception: http://www.amazon.com/The-Spinsterlicious-Life-Lessons-Child-free/dp/1469968525/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1331781179&sr=8-1

Into the Light

April 4th, 2012
10:00 am

….”btw, you’re next up after Sambooka, Triketa and Falenda” Ummm, that’s not all that appealing.

LOL@Cely. Good one!!

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
10:01 am

ITL – LOL How are you today? Missed you these last couple of days

Mike P

April 4th, 2012
10:27 am

I have to admit, for whatever reason, I find it incredibly distasteful and very disrespectful for a women to juggle multiple suitors at the same time. If you think about it, only one man is in an actual courting position while all the others are just being strung along and being played and used, and its the men that have to pay out his pockets for this? NEVER!!! I’ve dismissed several women for that mess. and we’re suppose to take them seriously?? straight foolishness.

Mr. Unknown

April 4th, 2012
10:28 am

Morning

Its only ok to date several people if your willing to split the bill and the cost as we get to know each other. If your dating several people or someone else that takes the fun out of courting you. I don’t want my actions to be judged or compared to the other person. Now if your hiding the fact that your dating someone else that makes you a player. People should ask themselves this, if the two people that you were dating so happen to be in the same room would you be comfortable?

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
10:33 am

Mike P – I totally agree. I’ll add though, it’s the same thing with having women strung along.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 4th, 2012
10:39 am

@Reio

Not “kick rocks” (I believe in karma, so I try not to do too much)

More “hey, it’s nothing against you personally, I just want to get to know her more; and I don’t want to be unfair to you or hold you up in finding someone that may be better suited to you”

Fion

April 4th, 2012
10:47 am

Aye man, I don’t know many grown folks (male or female) with Options they can’t exercise if they so choose.
The Game is the Game and if you’re Single you’re playin’ it. You may not want to admit it here, but you know at one time or another you’ve been on the field of play.

where is my post

April 4th, 2012
10:50 am

Enter your comments here

where is my post

April 4th, 2012
10:52 am

There is nothing wring with juggling dates. Stop taking it personal, Dating is a numbers game. its like playing the lottery, the more tickets you buy, the better your chances of hitting the jackpot

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
10:53 am

Off topic:

It was annouced a year or so ago there would be thousands laid off. The wheel is now in motion. Folks are dropping around here like flies. There’s another major annoucement today. We’ll see.

kimmie

April 4th, 2012
10:54 am

Morning All!

I don’t have much of an opinion on this except I see it as another one of those “double standards” we discussed yesterday. In about every discussion I’ve heard on this topic, even on Michael Baisden once, most men find it okay to see multiple women at a time but they don’t care for women to do it. Then this stupid issue of “whose paying” seems to come up as well. Some dudes have issue with the notion that this woman is being taken out on his dime and the other dude’s dime too. What does that have to do with anything?

I was never one to juggle, but say I accept a 1st date from one guy. 2 days later, before I even went out with him, another guy asks me out. I’m free & single, remember? Should I turn the 2nd guy down until I’ve gone out with the 1st guy? If the 1st guy askes am I seeing anyone, do I tell him I’ve accepted a date with another guy for next week and this will be my 1st time going out with the other guy?

Is it okay, being free and single, if asked if you are seeing others you reply “no one serious”?

There really isn’t a cut-and-dried answer to this! Nobody really is wrong.

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
10:56 am

Where’s my post – I don’t think anyone is taking anything personal. I think everybody has stated their choice or preference. I for one am certainly not trying to sway anyone not condemning. Just like I believe it when you say you cool being in rotation, it should be no less incredible if someone’s preference is not to be.

Too you don’t have to “hide” to get that said. Change your moniker back and jump in the discussion…lol

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
10:58 am

that shoud be “nor” and “you’re”

Into the Light

April 4th, 2012
11:09 am

ITL – LOL How are you today? Missed you these last couple of days

Hey girl! I’m I’m making it. :) I’ll be glad when my chiropractor gets back from spring break!

Did you and Lady have fun in Vinings? (Wasn’t that this week?)

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
11:12 am

ITL – Yes, yesterday. We had a nice luncheon. I was a few minutes late :) Good food, good convo. We’re gonna do it again in May. Make sure to keep your calendar open :) I’m sure though by then we’re gonna have to take it inside…lol It got “warm” yesterday.

Where is Lady this morning?

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
11:13 am

Hey C!!!!!! Had some morning task to handle!!!!

Such a pleasure meeting you honey!!!! Enjoyed that outing!!!!!!!!!! ;)

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
11:14 am

Let’s see what are we discussing……….

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
11:14 am

Lady – Me too!

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
11:18 am

this is the part of the dating game that irks my nerves……………….hmmm meeting someone new for the 1st time isn’t it understood the person may be somewhat involved with someone but not on an exclusive level?!? But its really not spoken that early on or does saying “I am single” suffice?!? Mind games I say~

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
11:19 am

is there a spectrum of singleness or does one determine their own rules and play by them?!? #curious

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
11:24 am

waving @ ITL!!!!!!!!!!!! yes La Paz next in May!!!!!!!!!! it will be Margarita Time! I say any time after Cinco De Mayo!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

Leggs

April 4th, 2012
11:25 am

What’s equally irksome is when you tell someone you’re not dating and they don’t believe you.

kimmie

April 4th, 2012
11:25 am

Lady – I agree with your 11:18. Some dudes though, want you to act exclusive with them, though, before you really are!

Mike P

April 4th, 2012
11:28 am

@kimmie: the pay issue comes up because if I (speaking for myself and not other men) decide that a women is worth the effort in getting to know better, I am saying to her that I am dating her and only her; i don’t want my internal “wifey/mate” suitability evaluations about her be skewed because I’d subconsciously pit her against some other chick I’d also be dating. Since I’d give her this respect, I deserve the same in kind. and I will most-certainly will NOT be paying or treating a woman to disrespect me and give me her undivided attention I deserve.

Look at this another way, if a chick was juggling, she’s telling me I’m not worth it. I don’t have time for that mess.

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
11:28 am

Indeed Kimmie and it doesn’t work that way at all~

Celisea

April 4th, 2012
11:28 am

LaPaz it is…if you can make it there ITL Maybe if we do another half day or “extended” lunch, we can all get there and enjoy the meal and not have to rush….like yesterday

Lady~

April 4th, 2012
11:29 am

or even after work C~