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Double standards, much?

There are times when men and women view things differently. It is one of those that has become a fact of life. The fact that men believe that women should not engage in the very same behavior as they do is an example of double standards that makes it harder to relate to one another.

What is hilarious (and annoying) is that double standard benefit men more than women? Why is that? What good are double standards?

What are some double standards that bug you? Which ones are good and you hope won’t ever go away?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

147 comments Add your comment

Lily

April 3rd, 2012
7:10 am

Diva where to start? Now I don’t need to have some double standards removed for my sake since I don’t desire these things still, I’ll name a couple….

Multiple partners
Sex too soon
Wh@ing is cute
Famous vs infamous
Too,much too soon
Clingy is cute (not cute nor special when men hang too tight)
Talk trash or dirty at the mouth

Not that men care but the thing is, I feel about as much disgust for a man getting around and around and around as much as I’m sure men would feel about me if I were to behave that way.

Lady~

April 3rd, 2012
7:37 am

This topic surely crossed my mind yesterday pertaining to my daughter. As I watched her @ softball practice I was wondering @ what age do you start telling your child there are double standards in life as many were displayed for the boys and girls teams yesterday. Double standards are certainly apart of life……..Taking notes from the experts! ;)

Morning MIA

DJ Sniper

April 3rd, 2012
8:32 am

When I was single, I never held on to the age old double standard of looking down on a woman who had sex with me on the first night. I’ve never understood how men can do that, knowing full well that they were involved in the act as well. I had a couple of relationships come out of first night sex.

As for the multiple partners thing, I was also never one to ask a woman about her number or anything like that.

Fred G. Sanford

April 3rd, 2012
8:45 am

Double-standard that irritates me: women who constantly complain about how much they do, how tired they are, how hard they work, blah, blah, blah…

But let a man do the same, he’s a whiner.

disco

April 3rd, 2012
9:08 am

good morning all. I have a double standard that irks me to the core. it’s the double standard of single parenting. what do I mean? in general society somewhat frowns upon the woman that is a single parent. they figure that she messed up some kind of way. either she couldn’t keep a husband or – god forbid – she didn’t even have the decency to get one in the first place. single parent mothers are both pitied and frowned upon though a lot of married folks are still single parents whether or not they are willing to admit it. flip side – show me a single parent father and it’s a wonder there isn’t a parade following him up and down the street. a man who is a single parent is considered to be spectacular and such a good man/father and the mother of his children (if she’s not dead) is dogged out for not having her kids no matter what the reason. a lot of women are quick to assume that a guy is a great catch just because he’s a single parent father. I don’t get it but I surely can’t stand it. I guess that’s why I’m a magnet for single parent fathers.

Rick

April 3rd, 2012
9:23 am

Double standards exist for both sexes. Men are bad parents compared to the mother, men only want sex, you can make fun of a man and it’s OK, but make fun of a woman and the claws come out, women can be emotional and it’s OK, but if men get emotional and he’s a wuss, women date a much younger man and she’s a cougar (YAY), but if men date a much younger woman and he’s a pedophile (or dirty old man). Women act like they are the only ones that have to endure the double standard, but it goes both ways. BOTH genders have double standards for each other, but somehow only the ones that are talked about are the ones that women complain about. Oh yeah, there’s another one. if women complain, they are standing up for themselves, but if men complain, he’s a whiner (boy, you never see THAT on this blog…sarcasm).

Tired Out

April 3rd, 2012
9:27 am

DJ @ 8:32 – call me old fashioned, but I’ve never bought into the “sex on the first date” thing? Can you really know someone well enough after one date to be that intimate with someone, or do you just disassociate sex with intimacy? I’m not knocking your life choices, I’m just saying that in my experience, there’s not enough connection after only one date.

I’ve also seen the double standard that Fred was talking about at 8:45. I knew a lady who complained all the time. She was dating a friend of mine and he once stated that he was tired, after a ten hour shift at work, and she lit into him. Thankfully they didn’t last long after that.

disco

April 3rd, 2012
9:28 am

rick – kudos. you hit on some good ones this morning.

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
9:36 am

Morning lovelies,

I laughed (literally) when I read Rick’s post….although there is a hint of whining in there…still, funny though

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
9:44 am

Morning.

@disco/Rick ~ nice posts.

Lady~

April 3rd, 2012
9:49 am

nice post on the parenting! so true!

Hey C! See you soon sis! ;)

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
9:49 am

Morning,

This topic is sure to bring the missing men back. Slim now lurking in the panic room fully armed with Goose, advil and an entire blog arsenal

GracieL

April 3rd, 2012
9:52 am

disco @ 9:08,

THANK YOU! Ain’t that the truth! I’m so sick of hearing conservotards yammering on about how “single moms” are the problem. (You mean… the ones who STAY with the child to provide food, clothing, safety, and love? The parent who bails is not the problem? Geez!)

Double standard I noticed recently: Aggressive pursuit. After one date, the guy was blowing up my phone demanding to know when he could see me again, telling me we belong together, calling me pet names, and “wishing” we were together at that very moment — even though I’d been very clear that I am a person who likes to take it SLOW. It’s true that psychosis affects both genders, but if a woman behaves that way (never!), it’s utterly unforgivable!

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
9:52 am

Hey Lady! Just a few hours :)

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:00 am

On topic:

Read: woman
sex on first date = slut
never married = she’s got issues……of all sort, spinster, unwanted
stripper = low self esteem
single parent = irresponsible
emotional = crazy
passed around = slut
backbone = angry, bitter, crazy
independant = don’t need a man
reserved = prude, amish, too antiquated

Read men:
sex on first date = Zeus
never married = eternal bachelor, vied for, well seasoned
stripper = desirous
single parent = upstanding
emotional = in touch with feminine, admirable
passed around = desirous
backbone = man’s man
independant = man’s man…doing his thing
reserved = spiritual

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
10:01 am

How about in raising kids, the daughter is usually held to a different, tighter or stricter set of rules than say her brother would be. The female would probably have an earlier curfew whereas the boy could stay out all night. It’s frowned upon for the chick to have sex but yet the boy would be encouraged to sow his oats and not get boo’ed up too fast too young

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:03 am

Slim – You’re right. Sisters and I were in SS every Sunday…no if ands or buts, while my brothers would just be getting in from the night before. I can so more but y’all get the point.

Rick

April 3rd, 2012
10:07 am

Celisea, wow have you got it all incorrect…but then again I figured you would have it from that point of view. Just re-reading it and you don’t have it kinda wrong, you have it WAY wrong. But then again, you have it all putting the female as the victim, put upon, frowned upon and that’s expected…but not in the least bit accurate.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
10:07 am

If we’re talking ’standards’ as in imposed on me, then “cufk your standards (and yo couch).”

If we’re talking about the ’standards’ as in what I deem appropriate for myself – or expect from [project onto] those in my life – then yeah, we all gotta deal with ‘em.

I’ve said before that there’s no one that can tell me how to be me (man, son, husband, etc.). Likewise, I don’t suppose I have the right to tell anyone how to be themselves.

My point is, set the standard, don’t worry about the one’s other people subscribe to and life will be good.

Morning folks! What it do?

disco

April 3rd, 2012
10:07 am

celisea – re the male stripper. sort of off topic but a friend invited me to a “review” on Saturday night. I checked out some of the dancers online and one of those bad boys had me sitting on my sofa about to pass out. he was some kind of fine. I had to pass because I just didn’t want to pay money to take myself through all that.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
10:10 am

Double standards, my favorite topic-Lets just say I agree with them, and I am a proponent of the natural order of life…

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:13 am

Rick – I said what you said…just reversed genders…lol

disco – I wouldn’t have paid either. Some things should be free…lol

Lady~

April 3rd, 2012
10:15 am

Jake its a man’s world huh~ lol

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:16 am

And royal to be a man

disco

April 3rd, 2012
10:18 am

another thing that I think is a double standard but a lot of folks don’t like to agree with me. I think that cuter folks (children and adults) tend to get away with a tad bit more negative behavior than their not so easy to look at counterparts.

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
10:20 am

I have always felt weird about putting/giving strippers money, especially male dancers.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
10:20 am

but it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing without a woman or girl

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:21 am

Jake – Sho nuff

Lady~

April 3rd, 2012
10:27 am

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
10:28 am

@Disco

That’s not a double standard, it’s an evolutionary imperative “she (he) cute, I put up with foolishness”

kimmie

April 3rd, 2012
10:29 am

Morning All!

Hey Dan, what’s shakin? I’m kinda like you in that nobody is gonna tell me how to be me – woman, wife, mother, sister, friend, etc. I set the standards for my life and live them every day!

All these dating/relationship double standards don’t really bother me. Some are engrained in everyday society and complaining about them is not going to change them. Plus, I’m not too worried anyway cause, again, I set my standards and live by them. Other folks fall in line.

The biggest double standard that is frustrating for me as a woman – the different treatment in everyday services. Men’s clothes are better made, men get better drycleaning deals and I BETTER have a man with me when I take my car to have other than routine service done, otherwise they assume they can rip me off!

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:31 am

Tolerating bullcrappery is not a double standard for me either. I don’t care how cute or fine you are…I’m not tolerating

DJ Sniper

April 3rd, 2012
10:33 am

TiredOut, I’ve never had an issue with disassociating sex from emotions, so first date sex hasn’t ever been a problem for me. I understand it’s not for everybody though.

Tired Out

April 3rd, 2012
10:35 am

Celisea @ 10am -
I’ve got agree a bit with Rick. Not necessarily that you paint women as victims, but that your pronouncements are not totally accurate and you paint with a rather broad brush. As a man, I don’t count other men who have sex on the first date as gods. As mentioned early, I’ve always viewed sex as an intimate thing, and not something to be taken lightly. I wouldn’t have sex on the first date, because (at present) I’ve never formed a strong enough connection on one date to have sex.

I don’t think of strippers as having low self-esteem. People do what they think they have to do to get by. I would prefer a woman to have backbone. A woman who won’t stand up for herself is a pretty massive turn off to me. Then again, some guys prefer that because some guys have issues where they have to always be in control.

On the issue of single parents, I think it’s upstanding for both men and women to be single parents. My old-fashionedness wants a complete household (mother and father), but sometimes that’s not possible. Trying your best to raise a child alone is far better than disposing of the child into the system.

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
10:36 am

There will always be double standards simply because each gender think they’re better and more privileged than the other. This will never change.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
10:37 am

@Kimmie

Just trying to live between the sky and sea, on my feet and not my knees, what’s good with you?

Love the “other folks fall in line”; would like to add “or out of the way”

Mike P

April 3rd, 2012
10:39 am

Good Morning,

I have to admit, I have gotten away with a-lot more than most; not on bad behavior per se, but I do get away with a lot, bending rules, breaking rules, and such.

@Slim’s got the fever!: I find it weird that you’d find it more weird paying male strippers than female strippers. 0_o

disco

April 3rd, 2012
10:40 am

dan – I hear you but you’d think that folks would operate on same crime/same punishment but I’ve seen the not so cute kids get spankings whereas the cuter kids got talked to. it is what it is and maybe (subliminally) the parent is prepping the homely kid for life in the real world. also I’ve seen the significant other tolerate just a tad bit more from the cute partner than they tolerated with the not so cute partner. evolutionary? sure, I’ll buy that but I’ll also say it’s a double standard favoring the cute folks.

double standards are like stereotypes. they are here whether you like them or not. I say at least try to have some fun with them.

kimmie – just recently talked about the mens/womens clothing issue. general consensus is that men’s clothing often costs way more. men in discussion complained about that but we countered that men’s fashions generally aren’t as trendy as women’s fashions causing women to buy more frequently. sure women do basics and classics but a lot of women’s fashion is geared toward the current trend.

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:45 am

Tired Out – The question posed was what are some of the double standards that bug me….that’s what I listed. What I see, how I view, what I’ve encountered. I’ve never been a stripper still, my outlook is mine, my own. I cannot write nor dictate for anyone how they feel or view things and vice versa. I wrote FOR ME, how I view and what I feel, have experienced or encountered.

Even so, with double standards existing or how they translate TO ME, I really could care less what anybody does. I’m going to ALWAYS ALWAYS do what I want….regardless.

abc

April 3rd, 2012
10:45 am

Boy, this topic shows some bias, eh?

Certainly, strippers have low self-esteem, whether they’re male or female. They consider that they don’t have any better options than to play on their looks for a living — you don’t think that’s an esteem issue? It’s a shame.

Single parenthood IS the result of irresponsibility, no matter if you’re male or female. A child was brought into the world without parents who were truly committed to each other. I’m not throwing rocks at anyone here; I was a single parent myself.

A reserved demeanor is desirable in all people, at least to me. The loudmouth who acts out and demands attention is a drag, no matter who they are.

Sex upon meeting for the first time is the conduct of sluts no matter one’s gender. Again, not throwing rocks, been there done that. Lots. My only excuse is that I was young and pretty wild, but that’s not much of an excuse.

And so on. Double standards are nothing more than personal bias, both by those who hold the double standards, and by those who project upon others that they hold them.

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:46 am

Have fun with it folks.

kimmie

April 3rd, 2012
10:47 am

Dan – Just trying to make it thru soccer season, since I’m a soccer mom now!LOL!! Yeah – lead, follow or get out of the way!

disco – You are right about all that with clothes. I don’t mind paying a little more for quality sometimes though, and I always catch sales. But while I don’t jump on every trend that comes up, I do like to mix the classics with a touch of the current.

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
10:48 am

Mike P – I knew I would not get out from under that comment without getting a bit of the spotlight. Honestly, I don’t like giving strippers money at all, regardless of gender. However, I’d feel slightly, just slightly better giving it to a chick than a dude. I’ve been to a few ’shoe show’s and I’m more of a enjoy the group I’m with and let them do their thing kinda chick, than I am a making it rain, getting 20 dances a night kinda girl. ;-)

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:49 am

And where I’m obvious, I’ll give a homeless woman almost everytime any day over a man. I just would/do.

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:50 am

I dunno, I feel some kind of way seeing women without.

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
10:50 am

Single parenthood IS the result of irresponsibility, no matter if you’re male or female. A child was brought into the world without parents who were truly committed to each other. I’m not throwing rocks at anyone here; I was a single parent myself. – WOW

Single parenthood IS NOT the result of irresponsibility. Perhaps in some cases, but it’s not as closed-ended as that!

disco

April 3rd, 2012
10:52 am

mike p – re you finding slim’s stripper financing behavior weird. that in itself is just another double standard. somewhat acceptable for men to pay for strippers/call girls etc but it’s not the norm for women to do it.

hmm. strippers and low self esteem has come up a few times? not sure I’m buying it necessarily. I think it’s for folks on the outside looking in because they naturally want to look down on the strippers and because they can’t understand why someone would choose that career path. (I won’t even turn it into a moral issue). personally, I think a stripper is just another type of performer. I can’t knock a person who chooses a job and works hard at it.

abc – single parenting isn’t always about irresponsibility. some single people make a choice to have a baby. that choice is certainly none of my concern. and even married people find themselves becoming single parents through no fault of their own. folks get divorced/spouses die/things happen.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
10:52 am

@Disco

it is a double standard.

But studies have shown that cute(r) people lead different lives from the less attractive. More money, better careers; better perceptions of the persons character, intellect, atheleticism, sexual prowess, etc.

It’s a biological imperative to want to mate with someone you’re attracted to, that includes tolerating behavior you normally wouldn’t, and ignoring behaviors that you normally wouldn’t.

abc

April 3rd, 2012
10:54 am

Sure it is, Leggs. In my case, I married women who were unable to commit to the marriage, twice! How stupid and irresponsible is that? And, I wanted kids. I pushed to have them. At that age, it didn’t even occur to me that their behavior should indicate to me that they could up and leave pretty much at any time. Irresponsible, and the result affected my kids profoundly. Thank God they turned out alright.

If you have kids and you’re not married, that’s irresponsible. If you’re married with kids and leave the marriage, or are left alone, it’s irresponsibility on both party’s behalf. What else could you call it?

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
10:54 am

abc-don’t come in here telling the truth that way…lol

abc

April 3rd, 2012
10:55 am

And, someone who purposely chooses single parenthood is about as self-centered, selfish and irresponsible as one could possibly be. That’s a complete lack of concern for the child’s welfare. Kids do best in 2-parent, stable households.

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
10:59 am

“hmm. strippers and low self esteem has come up a few times? not sure I’m buying it necessarily” ~ Neither am I, disco. Some may have low self-esteem, but not all. Some can get other jobs, but they are exhibionists who can make more money dancing. I guess all porn stars have low self-esteem as well. How about the Playboy Bunnies? Guess they too have low self-esteem to bed that shriveled up geezer, pose in his magazines, and live at his Mansion???

disco

April 3rd, 2012
10:59 am

abc – I’m going to make one more comment and then leave it alone. folks like to believe that kids do best in 2 parent homes but let’s be real there are always different dynamics at play (and stable is relatie so i won’t address it). every parent isn’t a good parent. every marriage isn’t a happy marriage. every home environment isn’t ideal and just because two parents are in the house doesn’t make their parenting any better than what a single parent is doing. I’d take one good parent over two bad parents or two mediocre parents any day. now, like I said, I’m done with that one.

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
11:00 am

Slowly backing away, blog weapons cocked…think it’s about to get wild up in herrr real soon

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
11:02 am

Sure it is, Leggs. In my case, I married women who were unable to commit to the marriage, twice! How stupid and irresponsible is that? And, I wanted kids. I pushed to have them. ~ I hear you, abc, but sounds like they didn’t want to continue committing to YOU and possibly have kids with YOU. Are either of your two ex-wifes now married?

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
11:02 am

Me too….I’m hopping on my 1:1 with my manager and let y’all duke it out

kimmie

April 3rd, 2012
11:03 am

Leggs – I’m just glad I didn’t paint my now-husband with the same broad brush as that. He was a single parent by way of his wife passing.

A lot of what’s been said here is why I don’t debate double-standards. It’s all subjective.

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
11:04 am

Kids do best in 2-parent, stable households. – Some do, some don’t.

Kids also do their best in a single parent household.

abc

April 3rd, 2012
11:05 am

Here’s an example: by the time my kids were around 6-8 years old, they learned that Daddy had been a touring musician, and had stopped after they were born, joining the real world’s work force. My son asked me why — to him, it seemed like fun to be a musician, and he seemed pleased that I was one. I told him “Well, I’ll have to travel 50 weeks out of the year, and make about half as much money, is that okay with you?” No way, he said, forget that! He wanted 2 parents around. All kids want 2 parents, whether they’ve ever had both parents or not. Sure, some people shouldn’t be allowed to have kids, they’re just not suited for parenthood; just as sure, a big part of their unsuitability can be that they’re not responsible enough to care for themselves very well, much less raise a child. It’s tough, but it’s true.

Plus, I’d say boomers are the worst generation of parents ever. We’ll soon see if Gen X is even worse, as difficult to imagine as that is.

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
11:06 am

@disco ~ I agree with your post, but we must remember he did say “stable” and even that is relative!!!!

abc

April 3rd, 2012
11:07 am

Nope, neither ex is married. One doesn’t even date, the other has the same boyfriend for a long time. I’m not in any contact with either one though, so it’s not like I know. For sure, though, they didn’t want to commit to me specifically, that’s true.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
11:08 am

Y’all know abc can sometimes seem to be an absolutionist whose opinions on society are largely formed by his life experiences.

That said, he’s also open to persuasion (on a certain level), so if we’re to have this debate – and I certainly want to – then let’s leave out the ad hominem/personal attacks.

disco

April 3rd, 2012
11:12 am

leggs – I missed my “v” in relative but I said that.

kimmie – re your single parent husband. again goes back to each his own and double standards (sort of). I dated single parent fathers but really had no interest beyond casual dating. I knew and still know that I don’t want to be “bothered” with the actual raising of someone else’s kids. now, if it were reversed and I was the one with kids then I suppose it wouldn’t have bothered me in the least.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
11:18 am

“I’d say boomers are the worst generation of parents ever.”…what coincides with this…I know ya’ll gonna get to shooting at me because this is pure PIG.

Women’s Liberation and the changing dynamic of the family structure!

DJ Sniper

April 3rd, 2012
11:21 am

Wow. So two parents who get divorced are behaving irresponsibly? That’s a new one. Granted, there are a lot of people out here who will use the divorce option way too quickly, but if a couple tries to work it out and it just ain’t happening, then they shouldn’t be frowned upon for getting divorced. It can take a toll on kids, but if the parents are truly committed to said kids, then they can make it through the ordeal just fine.

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
11:26 am

Oh you did, disco? See, I agree with you.

Robert

April 3rd, 2012
11:27 am

@Celisea 10:00am –

Men
never married = eternal bachelor, vied for, well seasoned

- or “brother on the downlow”. Most men have been married atleast once by the time they reach the age of 30. If a man has never been married it’s a good bet to assume he is selfish, arrogant and probally GAY.

kimmie

April 3rd, 2012
11:27 am

disco – I didn’t have kids of my own and was not banking on being physically able to have them. I really wanted them though. I did not want to get with a man that didn’t have any but wanted them and then I up and not be able to get preggers. I got the best situation I could have asked for.

I could NOT, however, deal with any bad kids that were not being well-raised already. That would be a dealbreaker. Luckily, they are sweet kids and I love them like I gave birth to them. It’s a priviledge to be their mother.

I also was not dealing with any baby mama drama. Their mother passed away, but I’ve dated divorced fathers before. They had that baby mama stuff worked out and I never had issues there. I wouldn’t have tolerated it either – work your mess out, them maybe we can talk, not before.

Tired Out

April 3rd, 2012
11:29 am

Celisea – I meant no offense, and I apologize if offense was taken. I felt that some of your characterizations were a bit broad-brushed and I didn’t properly convey my thoughts. Mea culpa.

Tired Out

April 3rd, 2012
11:33 am

Robert @ 11:27 – “Most men have been married atleast once by the time they reach the age of 30. If a man has never been married it’s a good bet to assume he is selfish, arrogant and probally GAY.”
____

I’m 30 and I’ve never been married. I’m arrogant in that all men are arrogant to an extent. I’m rather selfless, not selfish, and I’m not gay. Not all people get married within your timeframe. In fact, I’ve got friends who have been married multiple times and they’re younger than me. They rush into things, getting married after only dating for a few weeks. Then again, I know people who dated for years before getting married. Those marriages have lasted.

disco

April 3rd, 2012
11:35 am

kimmie – I know. I’ve heard enough of your situation here to get that your situation was ideal for you. my son turns 23 this month. I have zero desire to start tending to kids at this point. the most recent single parent I dated was during my son’s senior year of high school. interestingly enough the relationship fizzled out shortly after my son’s graduation. dude (and his four children) found someone else to marry within a year.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
11:39 am

@Jake

The Boomers being horrible parents have less to do with “women’s lib” and more to do with that generation being the single most collectively selfish group of individuals ever conceived.

That women wanted to work outside the home is a natural progression that start with their desire for the right to vote, more inherently their right to express their opinions. So, “suffrage” would be the root cause, whereas ‘women’s lib’ is merely outcome.

cba

April 3rd, 2012
11:49 am

I have scanned through the posts and I might have missed it but the biggest double standard I see is women’s pay comparable to us men. It’s pretty constant throughtout most professions. I have read that in engineering women’s pay is close to men, 90+ %.

abc, I totally agree with boomers ( I included) haven’t done a very good job at parenting.

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
11:55 am

Tired Out – Not at all….and too, make sure you come back more often :)

Robert – LOLOL

Mike P

April 3rd, 2012
11:58 am

@Disco: my comments were not typical male double standard… Your assumption is that I, as a man condone paying for strippers… I don’t, believe me, and my friends hate this about me but i don’t care . I merely suggested that I find it odd that Slim is more comfortable paying for a female stripper than a for a male stripper when she’s a women herself.

Personally I don’t see how anyone, man or woman would pay anything for strippers as well as the overpriced alcohol. its a complete waste of money.

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
11:59 am

Honestly, situations happens….whether you end up stripping, raising a kid by yourself or leaving the duty of housewife to working wife….IMO and for me the point is whatever your walk has been good bad or indifferent, double standards and all, learn evolve and grow. If you got one baby out of wedlock, don’t go heaping up 4,5,6 more…so forth and so on. I say if God is the forgiver of all wrong and there to encourage and learn from mistakes and do better and move on.

With that being said, I’m out of here today! :)

DJ Sniper

April 3rd, 2012
12:01 pm

Robert, you’re off base on that assessment. Being a man over 30 and having never been married is not an automatic sign of being gay. That’s just the truth.

As for the stripper topic, I used to frequent the strip clubs when I was younger, but even then I never spent a whole lot of money. Nowadays, the strip club is the last place I would go for entertainment.

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
12:02 pm

What I was saying is….if God is the forgiver of mistakes and mishaps and he’s there to encourage and don’t hold us to it and will be the one to put the stepping stones for stepping up and on, then go with it and never mind what folks say…

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
12:06 pm

Mike P – How would you feel if a good friend of yours was a male stripper? Do you see a guy being a dancer as a softie kind of job for a dude??

disco

April 3rd, 2012
12:11 pm

mike p – no assumption about you in particular. just the assumption that men in general are more likely to frequent strip clubs than women and thus the double standard leads that it’s more socially acceptable for them to do so.

we once talked here about cougars checking for teenage boys. the men on the blog accused us of “blocking”. not that we condone the “dirty old man” checking for teenage girls so much as we hold the woman to the higher (double) standard of not checking for teenage boys.

slim – I would hope a male dancer is not a softie. lol.

Mike P

April 3rd, 2012
12:32 pm

my biggest Double standards peeves:

A women who have standards = High Self-esteem, confidence, professional.
A Man who have standards = picky, selfish, difficult

A sexually oriented women = is Modern, liberated, and has personal freedom.
A sexually oriented Man= is a dog, a horn-dog, and has an agenda (evil intent).

A woman who wants sex = should be given freely to her, whenever she demands it.
A man who wants sex = has to pay for it (courting efforts, commitment, money, material possessions, etc) and restrictions are placed on him (they try anyway).

Mike P

April 3rd, 2012
12:36 pm

– How would you feel if a good friend of yours was a male stripper? He wouldn’t be a good friend of mine.

- Do you see a guy being a dancer as a softie kind of job for a dude?? No not particularly… I just don’t like what they do for a living.

LeeH1

April 3rd, 2012
12:44 pm

“Women and children first” means that men should lay down their lives or give up their lives to protect women and children other than themselves. This of course means that women and children are more important than men, and have more to contribute than young or even older men do. But when this double standard is not met, say when the male captain of a ship doesn’t go down with the hull, he is decried as a coward and a wuss.

The doudle standard means that most men die younger than women do, and are most often found in life-threatening professions- fireman, policeman, airman, placing their lives between women and children, and the dangers that threaten them.

When women give up this protection of society and show they are equals in protecting men, then I’ll listen to their whines and cat-fighting comments about men.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
12:55 pm

@Lee

That’s one ‘double standard’ that really isn’t – it’s the over-exaggeration of innate male traits projected onto societal roles.

Reasons:

Physiological: As a male, one’s muscle density is stronger, more pliable, more adept to growth and built for exertion.

Psychological: As a male, one’s psyche is designed – innately – with a fight/flight response that usually ends in fighting if there is no mortal danger – and even if there is occasionally.

Sociological: As man (gender role, but also a merging of the two aforementioned characteristics), one is built to protect what is his – be it family, property, or space. The unwillingness to ‘protect’ is typically seen as – from a gender role perspective – feminine.

That said, evolution (physical/societal/psychological) of the human specie has evolved in a way that your 12:44 statement, while plausible, has no basis in practical application.

Velonese

April 3rd, 2012
1:02 pm

Ok, this is proof this blog is bias against men, shame shame shame femmies always portraying a man as the “bad guy”. Genius! Double standards, much ladies? Seriously.

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
1:10 pm

I would hope a male dancer is not a softie

disco – I walked right into that a massive spider web when you come out the house :lol:

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
1:28 pm

Bear wit me….

Dan…glad you expounded on the thought, I was not going say that things should be that way, but one has to admit that that shift changed things dramatically, and not all of them positve. The societal shift that occurred that made women earners also removed a fair level of opportunities from men, which results in more of us choosing other means of financial gain. The confusion of traditional gender roles has created an imbalance that affects men and women with regard to their interpersonal relationships. Often when the two meet, a man’s egotistical need to be needed cannot be met because by all practical purposes outside of the companionship and sexual desire, she may not need him. This creates a battle between his traditional desire or sociological need and her own new sociological need to establish her independence of said man. The conundrum is finding a mate that will allow both genders to have their needs met. The societal shifts, I believe has made this connection more difficult. Again, not that its right, but its so.

Robert

April 3rd, 2012
1:36 pm

@Tired Out & DJ Sniper -” Most men have been married atleast once by the time they reach the age of 30.”

In ATL if you are a man and you have not been married by the time you are 30 you are;

1. Probally GAY
2. Unattractive (Ugly)
3. Unemployed (Poor)
4. Undesireable (Bama = baseball cap, bluejeans & sneakers)

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
1:43 pm

There are MANY men who are not gay, attractive, employed, very desirable and have not been married yet (over the age of 30)…I chuck that up as to having too many options to be able to settle on just one. You could call this selfish and aggrogant or smart, depending what side of the window you’re looking out of.

Does this also apply to women over 30 with no kids, never married, decently attractive and not gay?

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
1:44 pm

Robert-you cant be serious…In ATL where there are over a million single, attractive, financially stable, and willing women….if you are married by 30, you are jumpin that gun. This is a single man’s dream, for those men who might not desire a marriage, there is NO Reason to leave the playground.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
1:45 pm

@Jake

You’re entirely correct. But recognizing those issues and solving them as together is step in the right direction.

The only thing I would disagree with is “need to be needed.” I don’t need to be needed, in fact, I relish/reward/prepare my family for independence.

Plus, whether a situation/person ‘needs’ me or not, I reserve the right to insert myself, my will, and my opinion as I see a need to do so.

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
1:55 pm

I guess the ‘need to be needed’ is on a case by case basis. I just recently heard a guy friend say he needs to feel needed. (not necessarily on a financial level but in general I suppose) Allllrighty then

Robert

April 3rd, 2012
1:56 pm

@Slim’s got the fever! & Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB –

In ATL if you are a man and you have not been married by the time you are 30 you are;

1. Probally GAY
2. Unattractive (Ugly)
3. Unemployed (Poor)
4. Undesireable (Bama = baseball cap, bluejeans & sneakers)

Which number fits you?

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
1:57 pm

WOW, there’s a lot of closed-minded posts here, especially Robert’s 1:36, along with men over 30 and never married. That’s silly.

Robert

April 3rd, 2012
2:04 pm

@Leggs – I speak the truth. I do not know any woman who will have a meaningful relationship with a man (21-30) that does not lead to marriage, especially women between the ages of 21-28 (child bearing years). If a man is not married by 30 the problem is the woman settling for less and not making the man act and think like a man instead of a boy.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
2:04 pm

Dan…I was pretty sure we would meet somewhere in the middle on this…

Ladies…I don’t want you all barefoot and preggers, and unable to exert your independence, but I have thought about this for years from the standpoint of. Did your personal happiness as women, negatively impact society? (How children are raised, increase in criminal behavior by men who no longer get certain positions, clashing gender roles, etc….)

But that’s a topic for another day, just wanted to explain the notion, see that example, as a man, asking that question, I feel the need to explain the notion to not be disrespectful to you. (Societal shift)

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
2:06 pm

“I do not know any woman who will have a meaningful relationship with a man (21-30) that does not lead to marriage…” It’s obvious you don’t know a lot of women.

“…the problem is the woman settling for less and not making the man act and think like a man instead of a boy.” – that’s the problem right there, Robert. A woman can’t MAKE a man act and think like a man….that’s HIS responsibility, not hers!

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
2:09 pm

Which number fits you?

Um, lemme see here. I would have to say Neither because I’m not a single unmarried, gay, unattractive, unemployed man. lol And how do is it the woman’s responsibility to make another grown person think and act like a grown person/man? If a man is a man, shouldn’t that be a non-issue?

I need something sweet to eat…cut up strawberries, a light sprinkle of sugar topped with some cool whip. Mmmmm (Jake/WD, at least I didn’t say ice cream)

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
2:10 pm

@ Robert, neither…At 30, I was an unmarried, gainfully employed, homeowner, with no kids…(Lottery Pick). I will give a nod to you with regard to not being mature enough to make any woman my wife, I was enjoying being drafted by her or her or her, for 2-3month stints, then moving to something new.

disco

April 3rd, 2012
2:11 pm

and no one tossed out the fact that not everyone even wants to be married.

slim – your afternoon snack sounds like it would hit the spot.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
2:12 pm

@Robert

The last line of your 2:04 makes me suspect that you’re not a male.

Because no male would make the statement “making a man act and think like a man.” Being a man, like maleness, is not something you choose, it’s who you are.

I know silly men, childish men, ignorant men, dumb men, brilliant men, scared men, brave men, thug men, business men, executive men, etc.
These are but adjectives, describing the man.

They’re all men – in the sense that they are male – and when they accept responsibility/cuplability for their actions, protect their families, sacrifice of themselves for their family, etc – I call them as good men – by my definition only.

But making a blanket “men’ comment is not something I would expect a grown man to do.

But make no

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
2:15 pm

Slim…I got your Cool Whip, its the skeetable, I mean squeezable kind.

kimmie

April 3rd, 2012
2:17 pm

Robert comes on here with a new story every few days.

So Robert, what’s the situation with you and your “clingy” girlfriend of 2 years that wants to tag along more often when you go visit your kids? The one that you claimed you hoped one day you would be worthy enought to marry. What’s up with all that?

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
2:21 pm

Unless it’s a different Robert, Robert himself is gay. He’s been on numberous times talking about bathroom hookups and other things.

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
2:23 pm

@kimmie – And to that I say, “SHAZAM!” :lol:

Jake – :shock: I don’t think I like that kind of topping on my fruit.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
2:32 pm

@leggs

Hold on now, bathroom hookups don’t make you gay unless you with another dude.

@Jake

I’m with you in the sense of the shift affecting certain aspects of family life; however, your contention would (seem to without clarification) absolve the men in the situation – if there are any.

Even then, responsibility is something one assumes more often than not, it’s not given or bestowed if the reciever (in this case the kid – if there is no male) isn’t prepared to handle/receive it.

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
2:46 pm

@Dan ~ Robert has been on here talking about hookups with other MEN.

@Slim ~ I just left a co-workers desk who has some gorgeous flowers on her desk. As I’m standing there, I realize they smell just like piss or semen. We both agreed and fell out laughing.

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
2:47 pm

Not every pretty flower has a pleasant aroma….

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
2:48 pm

:shock: OMG, Leggs I’m not sure what I thought you were going to say but I think I was totally unprepared to read they smelled like p!ss and semen Hollers :lol: :lol: To me, semen smells like stale ajax

disco

April 3rd, 2012
2:55 pm

stale ajax? now that’s a new one to me.

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
2:57 pm

disco – hehehehehe

kimmie

April 3rd, 2012
3:02 pm

A lot of flowers do stink. They make me sick to my stomach to smell some of them. And then they have the nerve to make perfume out of some of them! Yuck, I hate flowery scents. Roses only smell good on roses!

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
3:05 pm

Dan…not at all, the men certainly hold responsibilty for there actions, whatever those might be. Its just a thought that I had about contributing factors to where we are now.

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
3:10 pm

kimmie – This lady in the office next to mine has been burning some floral scented candle and it is SUPER strong. I can’t say that i’m too fond of it either. But I have a really keen sense of smell which can be a curse at times. The beau has one of those automatic air freshner dispensers that goes off every few minutes or so. The current scent makes me nauseas so I’ll turn it off while i’m there. He turns it back on when i leave

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
3:11 pm

Roses only smell good on roses! – YEP

Hyacinth is one stinking flower.

Stale Ajax is definitely a new one. Next time I’m around some of the stuff I’ll see if it smells like stale Ajax. How does Ajax become stale?

i'm swiss

April 3rd, 2012
3:12 pm

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII know you like to thank yo’ sh!t don’t staaaaaaaaaaaaaaank
but lean a lil’ bit closer, see, roses really smell like boo-boo-boooooo

Exiled!

April 3rd, 2012
3:12 pm

Biggest Double Standard of Mine:

She lick

I don’t

:lol:

Biggest Emotional double standard:

You sleep with chic and KIM

She sore :sad:

Man is happy!

(as if u ripped the pudsy off)

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
3:18 pm

@Jake

I think along those same lines some times, but if you’ll allow me:

Right around the time of women’s lib (the late ’60s/early ’70s) there was also a shift in economics. The 70s saw inflation, the ‘children of the 60s having to get jobs, oil crises, war, the influx (reportedly) of ‘hard’ drugs etc.

But to focus on the AA tradition: before the 70s a man could support 2, maybe 3 families on his manufacturing job(s)/other income. Were the ladies involved happy about it; no, but as long as he ‘came around’ it was all good. The late 70s stopped all that – inflation hit the AA community first and hard (as most economic indicators do). So the man that had free time and change now has either one or neither.

Decisions have to be made and someone (family) is getting left out. Around the same time, women are emerging from supporting roles in the workplace (secretary/assistant) to wanting to be office managers and the like – some out of desire, some out of necessity (see aformentioned choices).

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
3:18 pm

Good one, swiss!

kimmie

April 3rd, 2012
3:19 pm

Slim – My mother had a keen sense of smell too! She would drive us crazy!! She could smell something a mile away. And if after a bath or shower you were not squeaky clean, she would notice and call you on it!LOL!!

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
3:20 pm

HAPPY B-DAY, RAQI

i'm swiss

April 3rd, 2012
3:22 pm

Mrs. Swiss could be one of those bomb-sniffing dogs at the airport with her acute sense of smell. Luckily, I smell goooooooooood. (Well, most of the time) :lol:

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
3:22 pm

Cont’d

That generation of women raised the 80s babies as single mother – especially by the time Reaganomics hit. So now you have a (my) generation with no fathers in the home, via either parents choices or larger constructs – Vietnam, prison, drugs.

These ladies didn’t fold, they pushed on. Some had families, some didn’t; some made good choices about the men they brought around their children, some didn’t.

But what my generation saw was women working taking care of their families – not really discussing with kids about the choices they or their husbands/sperm donors made; either out of propeity, shame, or frankly not enough time/nonya bidness.

kimmie

April 3rd, 2012
3:23 pm

Dan – Ya dang right, and after getting 2 degrees I’ll be dang if I’m gonna be some office manager. How about we take that “office” part off. We running this ish!!LOL!!!

disco

April 3rd, 2012
3:26 pm

kimmie – and I envisioned the masses standing behind you with fists pumping. girl you bout to be starting something.

“do the ladies run this mutha sucka”….

kimmie

April 3rd, 2012
3:28 pm

disco – “Who run the world? GIRLS!” :lol: :lol:

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
3:29 pm

Cont’d

By the late 80s early 90’s the Boomers have raised a generation in a world different from theirs.

No longer (generally) can one salary maintain a household; depending on the job it may take 2 – 4. Maybe there’s a father in the house, but he and mom have to work. If there isn’t one, then mom is getting by (typically with the help of family). **note: I’ve purposely stopped talking about the choice that led to negative outcomes – because frankly, I don’t know any.***

But, nonetheless, there’s a generation of males and females that are seeing that their parents work hard to maintain their lifestyles.

At that point, it’s on the kid. Are you selfish and expect mom/dad or just mom to do everything for you? Or do you get on your grind (be it house work, etc) to help out? Do you even realize it at the time? Or do you make decisions with negative consequences because you can, potentially perpetuating a cycle?

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
3:30 pm

Cont’d (end)

Along these lines, I blame a whole lot more than ‘women’s lib.’

Velonese

April 3rd, 2012
3:34 pm

Robert you left out number “5.” as being smart. But you sound like number 1. to me mr. (using loosely) expert.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
3:52 pm

@Kimmie

Think Mad Men

Men working around the office with good looking secretaries, the odd ‘not so attractive’ accountant lurking.

Sheeiioot

I would argue you’re a product of that generation too. Only (and forgive the generalization and tell me if I’m wrong), your parents stressed education in response to the things they saw going on in the community/society. Your desire/capacity for 2 degrees is a almost linear result of some of the factors I mentioned.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
3:54 pm

Dan…thanks..you just added perspective for me as a child of the 70’s….and thanks also for keeping the discussion running as I am sure at first glance as I stated this sounded completely Chuavinistic, but there was a deeper discussion to be had.

kimmie

April 3rd, 2012
4:10 pm

Dan – Mama was a teacher, dad a physician – you do the math! I’m absolutely a product of it. Both parents came from rather humble beginnings to, so education was definitely a way out and expected. The whole “I’m gonna marry well and become a housewife” wasn’t even presented as an option.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
4:11 pm

Just saw the additional pieces, the progression in your posts is part of the progression of the whole diatribe…What’s amazing though is, you are leading it (no knock), but I was wondering about the silencefrom the ladies, but as the conversation progressed by decade, so did the ferver, and cheerleading… and now we are at “the women run this mutha sucka, who run the world, Girls”…. which brings us full circle to men/women and the difficulty they have relating to each other. As women have become more independent, confident, and in some cases arrogant..it has changed our ability to have traditionally successful relationships because there are varying attitudes about gender roles..Its nearly at a point where the man is expected to bring his natural expectations in line with her growth, this affects our ability to relate to one another, and many Men do not know how to successfully manage this shift while remaining steadfast in his natural place….”whola, magic”

Thanks to all who particpated in this experiment.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
4:15 pm

Again Dan, not saying its right, just saying it is.

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
4:23 pm

“As women have become more independent, confident, and in some cases arrogant..it has changed our ability to have traditionally successful relationships because there are varying attitudes about gender roles..” – With much regret, I have to acknowledge this is the way we are now living. Also sorry, you had to put “arrogant” in their for the women. Women had to become more confident, independent and strong willed simply because they too had to survive. If the world was the same where the woman could stay at home and DEPEND on their man, they probably would. But with the increasingly disappearing act of many of the men back then, woman had to lean on herself and her abilities. Please, when talking this diatribe, remember to put that in your analysis of how the role of man and woman have declined!

kimmie

April 3rd, 2012
4:23 pm

Jake – Hey, folks need to figure it out! I had the attitude that if I’m expected to work and bring home a paycheck, it may as well be a decent paycheck. I won’t get that flipping burgers. At no time during my education did any of the teachers tell us girls we couldn’t be anything we wanted to be, so they got the memo. In grad school there were some classes where I was the only woman. Had no issues. I can’t say it’s been smooth sailing, but a lot of society HAS adapted. It also helps that my husband is progressive-minded as well. We both fully support the dreams of each other. Nobody feels belittled. I have no trouble being the supportive, and yes submissive helpmate. He’s the head of the household and one I can put my full faith in. The best of all worlds.

The train has left the station, but some are having a hard time catching up!

kimmie

April 3rd, 2012
4:26 pm

Leggs – Amen! You do what you have to do!! The kids gotta eat and so do you!

Lead, follow or get out of the way!

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
4:41 pm

Sassy Me...Beaming!! ;-)

April 3rd, 2012
4:44 pm

Nice posts ladies!!

You do what you have to do!! The kids gotta eat and so do you!

Lead, follow or get out of the way!

real talk worth repeating…

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
4:45 pm

Kimmie, Leggs-I agree with you guys, this is just part of my theory on what has happened between men/women. I agree that there has been a dissappearing act by many man, of course there are additional factors, (drugs,prison-the systematic of these two, poor education, etc…)

I am actually much more progressive then you may think from some my posts, but I also recognize that all ties to past are not bad, some may be preferred. Its a difficult case to pinpoint, guess that why we hang out together daily working on it….hehehe

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
4:46 pm

Hey Sassy….seen anything else worth repeating today…lol

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
4:49 pm

I hear you, Jake. Thanks. That’s just a smidget of my theory as well.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
4:57 pm

“With much regret, I have to acknowledge this is the way we are now living”

Leggs, by the way, I actually appreciate you acknowledging this, I”ve been teetering on this ledge all day, not much rope thrown, Dan threw one, but snatched it when I was reachin, I dayum near fell!

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
5:03 pm

Your comment about the women here being silent set me in motion. There are so many variables we can discuss on the decline of communication between men and women. There also are many other variables that has helped foster that same communication. All it takes is two people who are evely yoked for each other and relationship issues are a piece of cake….

Only can lead and it should be the man, but that’s not always possible….

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
5:04 pm

I did notice the life line Dan threw to you…

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
5:13 pm

I’m working a little late

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
5:22 pm

I was pushin it a bit today, but I do hope it at least caused some thought, whether negative or positive. I will be knder, gentler Jake tommorrow, well depends on the topic.

Me too Slim