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Double standards, much?

There are times when men and women view things differently. It is one of those that has become a fact of life. The fact that men believe that women should not engage in the very same behavior as they do is an example of double standards that makes it harder to relate to one another.

What is hilarious (and annoying) is that double standard benefit men more than women? Why is that? What good are double standards?

What are some double standards that bug you? Which ones are good and you hope won’t ever go away?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

147 comments Add your comment

abc

April 3rd, 2012
10:55 am

And, someone who purposely chooses single parenthood is about as self-centered, selfish and irresponsible as one could possibly be. That’s a complete lack of concern for the child’s welfare. Kids do best in 2-parent, stable households.

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
10:59 am

“hmm. strippers and low self esteem has come up a few times? not sure I’m buying it necessarily” ~ Neither am I, disco. Some may have low self-esteem, but not all. Some can get other jobs, but they are exhibionists who can make more money dancing. I guess all porn stars have low self-esteem as well. How about the Playboy Bunnies? Guess they too have low self-esteem to bed that shriveled up geezer, pose in his magazines, and live at his Mansion???

disco

April 3rd, 2012
10:59 am

abc – I’m going to make one more comment and then leave it alone. folks like to believe that kids do best in 2 parent homes but let’s be real there are always different dynamics at play (and stable is relatie so i won’t address it). every parent isn’t a good parent. every marriage isn’t a happy marriage. every home environment isn’t ideal and just because two parents are in the house doesn’t make their parenting any better than what a single parent is doing. I’d take one good parent over two bad parents or two mediocre parents any day. now, like I said, I’m done with that one.

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
11:00 am

Slowly backing away, blog weapons cocked…think it’s about to get wild up in herrr real soon

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
11:02 am

Sure it is, Leggs. In my case, I married women who were unable to commit to the marriage, twice! How stupid and irresponsible is that? And, I wanted kids. I pushed to have them. ~ I hear you, abc, but sounds like they didn’t want to continue committing to YOU and possibly have kids with YOU. Are either of your two ex-wifes now married?

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
11:02 am

Me too….I’m hopping on my 1:1 with my manager and let y’all duke it out

kimmie

April 3rd, 2012
11:03 am

Leggs – I’m just glad I didn’t paint my now-husband with the same broad brush as that. He was a single parent by way of his wife passing.

A lot of what’s been said here is why I don’t debate double-standards. It’s all subjective.

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
11:04 am

Kids do best in 2-parent, stable households. – Some do, some don’t.

Kids also do their best in a single parent household.

abc

April 3rd, 2012
11:05 am

Here’s an example: by the time my kids were around 6-8 years old, they learned that Daddy had been a touring musician, and had stopped after they were born, joining the real world’s work force. My son asked me why — to him, it seemed like fun to be a musician, and he seemed pleased that I was one. I told him “Well, I’ll have to travel 50 weeks out of the year, and make about half as much money, is that okay with you?” No way, he said, forget that! He wanted 2 parents around. All kids want 2 parents, whether they’ve ever had both parents or not. Sure, some people shouldn’t be allowed to have kids, they’re just not suited for parenthood; just as sure, a big part of their unsuitability can be that they’re not responsible enough to care for themselves very well, much less raise a child. It’s tough, but it’s true.

Plus, I’d say boomers are the worst generation of parents ever. We’ll soon see if Gen X is even worse, as difficult to imagine as that is.

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
11:06 am

@disco ~ I agree with your post, but we must remember he did say “stable” and even that is relative!!!!

abc

April 3rd, 2012
11:07 am

Nope, neither ex is married. One doesn’t even date, the other has the same boyfriend for a long time. I’m not in any contact with either one though, so it’s not like I know. For sure, though, they didn’t want to commit to me specifically, that’s true.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
11:08 am

Y’all know abc can sometimes seem to be an absolutionist whose opinions on society are largely formed by his life experiences.

That said, he’s also open to persuasion (on a certain level), so if we’re to have this debate – and I certainly want to – then let’s leave out the ad hominem/personal attacks.

disco

April 3rd, 2012
11:12 am

leggs – I missed my “v” in relative but I said that.

kimmie – re your single parent husband. again goes back to each his own and double standards (sort of). I dated single parent fathers but really had no interest beyond casual dating. I knew and still know that I don’t want to be “bothered” with the actual raising of someone else’s kids. now, if it were reversed and I was the one with kids then I suppose it wouldn’t have bothered me in the least.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
11:18 am

“I’d say boomers are the worst generation of parents ever.”…what coincides with this…I know ya’ll gonna get to shooting at me because this is pure PIG.

Women’s Liberation and the changing dynamic of the family structure!

DJ Sniper

April 3rd, 2012
11:21 am

Wow. So two parents who get divorced are behaving irresponsibly? That’s a new one. Granted, there are a lot of people out here who will use the divorce option way too quickly, but if a couple tries to work it out and it just ain’t happening, then they shouldn’t be frowned upon for getting divorced. It can take a toll on kids, but if the parents are truly committed to said kids, then they can make it through the ordeal just fine.

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
11:26 am

Oh you did, disco? See, I agree with you.

Robert

April 3rd, 2012
11:27 am

@Celisea 10:00am –

Men
never married = eternal bachelor, vied for, well seasoned

- or “brother on the downlow”. Most men have been married atleast once by the time they reach the age of 30. If a man has never been married it’s a good bet to assume he is selfish, arrogant and probally GAY.

kimmie

April 3rd, 2012
11:27 am

disco – I didn’t have kids of my own and was not banking on being physically able to have them. I really wanted them though. I did not want to get with a man that didn’t have any but wanted them and then I up and not be able to get preggers. I got the best situation I could have asked for.

I could NOT, however, deal with any bad kids that were not being well-raised already. That would be a dealbreaker. Luckily, they are sweet kids and I love them like I gave birth to them. It’s a priviledge to be their mother.

I also was not dealing with any baby mama drama. Their mother passed away, but I’ve dated divorced fathers before. They had that baby mama stuff worked out and I never had issues there. I wouldn’t have tolerated it either – work your mess out, them maybe we can talk, not before.

Tired Out

April 3rd, 2012
11:29 am

Celisea – I meant no offense, and I apologize if offense was taken. I felt that some of your characterizations were a bit broad-brushed and I didn’t properly convey my thoughts. Mea culpa.

Tired Out

April 3rd, 2012
11:33 am

Robert @ 11:27 – “Most men have been married atleast once by the time they reach the age of 30. If a man has never been married it’s a good bet to assume he is selfish, arrogant and probally GAY.”
____

I’m 30 and I’ve never been married. I’m arrogant in that all men are arrogant to an extent. I’m rather selfless, not selfish, and I’m not gay. Not all people get married within your timeframe. In fact, I’ve got friends who have been married multiple times and they’re younger than me. They rush into things, getting married after only dating for a few weeks. Then again, I know people who dated for years before getting married. Those marriages have lasted.

disco

April 3rd, 2012
11:35 am

kimmie – I know. I’ve heard enough of your situation here to get that your situation was ideal for you. my son turns 23 this month. I have zero desire to start tending to kids at this point. the most recent single parent I dated was during my son’s senior year of high school. interestingly enough the relationship fizzled out shortly after my son’s graduation. dude (and his four children) found someone else to marry within a year.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
11:39 am

@Jake

The Boomers being horrible parents have less to do with “women’s lib” and more to do with that generation being the single most collectively selfish group of individuals ever conceived.

That women wanted to work outside the home is a natural progression that start with their desire for the right to vote, more inherently their right to express their opinions. So, “suffrage” would be the root cause, whereas ‘women’s lib’ is merely outcome.

cba

April 3rd, 2012
11:49 am

I have scanned through the posts and I might have missed it but the biggest double standard I see is women’s pay comparable to us men. It’s pretty constant throughtout most professions. I have read that in engineering women’s pay is close to men, 90+ %.

abc, I totally agree with boomers ( I included) haven’t done a very good job at parenting.

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
11:55 am

Tired Out – Not at all….and too, make sure you come back more often :)

Robert – LOLOL

Mike P

April 3rd, 2012
11:58 am

@Disco: my comments were not typical male double standard… Your assumption is that I, as a man condone paying for strippers… I don’t, believe me, and my friends hate this about me but i don’t care . I merely suggested that I find it odd that Slim is more comfortable paying for a female stripper than a for a male stripper when she’s a women herself.

Personally I don’t see how anyone, man or woman would pay anything for strippers as well as the overpriced alcohol. its a complete waste of money.

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
11:59 am

Honestly, situations happens….whether you end up stripping, raising a kid by yourself or leaving the duty of housewife to working wife….IMO and for me the point is whatever your walk has been good bad or indifferent, double standards and all, learn evolve and grow. If you got one baby out of wedlock, don’t go heaping up 4,5,6 more…so forth and so on. I say if God is the forgiver of all wrong and there to encourage and learn from mistakes and do better and move on.

With that being said, I’m out of here today! :)

DJ Sniper

April 3rd, 2012
12:01 pm

Robert, you’re off base on that assessment. Being a man over 30 and having never been married is not an automatic sign of being gay. That’s just the truth.

As for the stripper topic, I used to frequent the strip clubs when I was younger, but even then I never spent a whole lot of money. Nowadays, the strip club is the last place I would go for entertainment.

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
12:02 pm

What I was saying is….if God is the forgiver of mistakes and mishaps and he’s there to encourage and don’t hold us to it and will be the one to put the stepping stones for stepping up and on, then go with it and never mind what folks say…

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
12:06 pm

Mike P – How would you feel if a good friend of yours was a male stripper? Do you see a guy being a dancer as a softie kind of job for a dude??

disco

April 3rd, 2012
12:11 pm

mike p – no assumption about you in particular. just the assumption that men in general are more likely to frequent strip clubs than women and thus the double standard leads that it’s more socially acceptable for them to do so.

we once talked here about cougars checking for teenage boys. the men on the blog accused us of “blocking”. not that we condone the “dirty old man” checking for teenage girls so much as we hold the woman to the higher (double) standard of not checking for teenage boys.

slim – I would hope a male dancer is not a softie. lol.

Mike P

April 3rd, 2012
12:32 pm

my biggest Double standards peeves:

A women who have standards = High Self-esteem, confidence, professional.
A Man who have standards = picky, selfish, difficult

A sexually oriented women = is Modern, liberated, and has personal freedom.
A sexually oriented Man= is a dog, a horn-dog, and has an agenda (evil intent).

A woman who wants sex = should be given freely to her, whenever she demands it.
A man who wants sex = has to pay for it (courting efforts, commitment, money, material possessions, etc) and restrictions are placed on him (they try anyway).

Mike P

April 3rd, 2012
12:36 pm

– How would you feel if a good friend of yours was a male stripper? He wouldn’t be a good friend of mine.

- Do you see a guy being a dancer as a softie kind of job for a dude?? No not particularly… I just don’t like what they do for a living.

LeeH1

April 3rd, 2012
12:44 pm

“Women and children first” means that men should lay down their lives or give up their lives to protect women and children other than themselves. This of course means that women and children are more important than men, and have more to contribute than young or even older men do. But when this double standard is not met, say when the male captain of a ship doesn’t go down with the hull, he is decried as a coward and a wuss.

The doudle standard means that most men die younger than women do, and are most often found in life-threatening professions- fireman, policeman, airman, placing their lives between women and children, and the dangers that threaten them.

When women give up this protection of society and show they are equals in protecting men, then I’ll listen to their whines and cat-fighting comments about men.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
12:55 pm

@Lee

That’s one ‘double standard’ that really isn’t – it’s the over-exaggeration of innate male traits projected onto societal roles.

Reasons:

Physiological: As a male, one’s muscle density is stronger, more pliable, more adept to growth and built for exertion.

Psychological: As a male, one’s psyche is designed – innately – with a fight/flight response that usually ends in fighting if there is no mortal danger – and even if there is occasionally.

Sociological: As man (gender role, but also a merging of the two aforementioned characteristics), one is built to protect what is his – be it family, property, or space. The unwillingness to ‘protect’ is typically seen as – from a gender role perspective – feminine.

That said, evolution (physical/societal/psychological) of the human specie has evolved in a way that your 12:44 statement, while plausible, has no basis in practical application.

Velonese

April 3rd, 2012
1:02 pm

Ok, this is proof this blog is bias against men, shame shame shame femmies always portraying a man as the “bad guy”. Genius! Double standards, much ladies? Seriously.

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
1:10 pm

I would hope a male dancer is not a softie

disco – I walked right into that a massive spider web when you come out the house :lol:

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
1:28 pm

Bear wit me….

Dan…glad you expounded on the thought, I was not going say that things should be that way, but one has to admit that that shift changed things dramatically, and not all of them positve. The societal shift that occurred that made women earners also removed a fair level of opportunities from men, which results in more of us choosing other means of financial gain. The confusion of traditional gender roles has created an imbalance that affects men and women with regard to their interpersonal relationships. Often when the two meet, a man’s egotistical need to be needed cannot be met because by all practical purposes outside of the companionship and sexual desire, she may not need him. This creates a battle between his traditional desire or sociological need and her own new sociological need to establish her independence of said man. The conundrum is finding a mate that will allow both genders to have their needs met. The societal shifts, I believe has made this connection more difficult. Again, not that its right, but its so.

Robert

April 3rd, 2012
1:36 pm

@Tired Out & DJ Sniper -” Most men have been married atleast once by the time they reach the age of 30.”

In ATL if you are a man and you have not been married by the time you are 30 you are;

1. Probally GAY
2. Unattractive (Ugly)
3. Unemployed (Poor)
4. Undesireable (Bama = baseball cap, bluejeans & sneakers)

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
1:43 pm

There are MANY men who are not gay, attractive, employed, very desirable and have not been married yet (over the age of 30)…I chuck that up as to having too many options to be able to settle on just one. You could call this selfish and aggrogant or smart, depending what side of the window you’re looking out of.

Does this also apply to women over 30 with no kids, never married, decently attractive and not gay?

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
1:44 pm

Robert-you cant be serious…In ATL where there are over a million single, attractive, financially stable, and willing women….if you are married by 30, you are jumpin that gun. This is a single man’s dream, for those men who might not desire a marriage, there is NO Reason to leave the playground.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
1:45 pm

@Jake

You’re entirely correct. But recognizing those issues and solving them as together is step in the right direction.

The only thing I would disagree with is “need to be needed.” I don’t need to be needed, in fact, I relish/reward/prepare my family for independence.

Plus, whether a situation/person ‘needs’ me or not, I reserve the right to insert myself, my will, and my opinion as I see a need to do so.

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
1:55 pm

I guess the ‘need to be needed’ is on a case by case basis. I just recently heard a guy friend say he needs to feel needed. (not necessarily on a financial level but in general I suppose) Allllrighty then

Robert

April 3rd, 2012
1:56 pm

@Slim’s got the fever! & Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB –

In ATL if you are a man and you have not been married by the time you are 30 you are;

1. Probally GAY
2. Unattractive (Ugly)
3. Unemployed (Poor)
4. Undesireable (Bama = baseball cap, bluejeans & sneakers)

Which number fits you?

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
1:57 pm

WOW, there’s a lot of closed-minded posts here, especially Robert’s 1:36, along with men over 30 and never married. That’s silly.

Robert

April 3rd, 2012
2:04 pm

@Leggs – I speak the truth. I do not know any woman who will have a meaningful relationship with a man (21-30) that does not lead to marriage, especially women between the ages of 21-28 (child bearing years). If a man is not married by 30 the problem is the woman settling for less and not making the man act and think like a man instead of a boy.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
2:04 pm

Dan…I was pretty sure we would meet somewhere in the middle on this…

Ladies…I don’t want you all barefoot and preggers, and unable to exert your independence, but I have thought about this for years from the standpoint of. Did your personal happiness as women, negatively impact society? (How children are raised, increase in criminal behavior by men who no longer get certain positions, clashing gender roles, etc….)

But that’s a topic for another day, just wanted to explain the notion, see that example, as a man, asking that question, I feel the need to explain the notion to not be disrespectful to you. (Societal shift)

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
2:06 pm

“I do not know any woman who will have a meaningful relationship with a man (21-30) that does not lead to marriage…” It’s obvious you don’t know a lot of women.

“…the problem is the woman settling for less and not making the man act and think like a man instead of a boy.” – that’s the problem right there, Robert. A woman can’t MAKE a man act and think like a man….that’s HIS responsibility, not hers!

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
2:09 pm

Which number fits you?

Um, lemme see here. I would have to say Neither because I’m not a single unmarried, gay, unattractive, unemployed man. lol And how do is it the woman’s responsibility to make another grown person think and act like a grown person/man? If a man is a man, shouldn’t that be a non-issue?

I need something sweet to eat…cut up strawberries, a light sprinkle of sugar topped with some cool whip. Mmmmm (Jake/WD, at least I didn’t say ice cream)

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
2:10 pm

@ Robert, neither…At 30, I was an unmarried, gainfully employed, homeowner, with no kids…(Lottery Pick). I will give a nod to you with regard to not being mature enough to make any woman my wife, I was enjoying being drafted by her or her or her, for 2-3month stints, then moving to something new.

disco

April 3rd, 2012
2:11 pm

and no one tossed out the fact that not everyone even wants to be married.

slim – your afternoon snack sounds like it would hit the spot.