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Double standards, much?

There are times when men and women view things differently. It is one of those that has become a fact of life. The fact that men believe that women should not engage in the very same behavior as they do is an example of double standards that makes it harder to relate to one another.

What is hilarious (and annoying) is that double standard benefit men more than women? Why is that? What good are double standards?

What are some double standards that bug you? Which ones are good and you hope won’t ever go away?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

147 comments Add your comment

Lily

April 3rd, 2012
7:10 am

Diva where to start? Now I don’t need to have some double standards removed for my sake since I don’t desire these things still, I’ll name a couple….

Multiple partners
Sex too soon
Wh@ing is cute
Famous vs infamous
Too,much too soon
Clingy is cute (not cute nor special when men hang too tight)
Talk trash or dirty at the mouth

Not that men care but the thing is, I feel about as much disgust for a man getting around and around and around as much as I’m sure men would feel about me if I were to behave that way.

Lady~

April 3rd, 2012
7:37 am

This topic surely crossed my mind yesterday pertaining to my daughter. As I watched her @ softball practice I was wondering @ what age do you start telling your child there are double standards in life as many were displayed for the boys and girls teams yesterday. Double standards are certainly apart of life……..Taking notes from the experts! ;)

Morning MIA

DJ Sniper

April 3rd, 2012
8:32 am

When I was single, I never held on to the age old double standard of looking down on a woman who had sex with me on the first night. I’ve never understood how men can do that, knowing full well that they were involved in the act as well. I had a couple of relationships come out of first night sex.

As for the multiple partners thing, I was also never one to ask a woman about her number or anything like that.

Fred G. Sanford

April 3rd, 2012
8:45 am

Double-standard that irritates me: women who constantly complain about how much they do, how tired they are, how hard they work, blah, blah, blah…

But let a man do the same, he’s a whiner.

disco

April 3rd, 2012
9:08 am

good morning all. I have a double standard that irks me to the core. it’s the double standard of single parenting. what do I mean? in general society somewhat frowns upon the woman that is a single parent. they figure that she messed up some kind of way. either she couldn’t keep a husband or – god forbid – she didn’t even have the decency to get one in the first place. single parent mothers are both pitied and frowned upon though a lot of married folks are still single parents whether or not they are willing to admit it. flip side – show me a single parent father and it’s a wonder there isn’t a parade following him up and down the street. a man who is a single parent is considered to be spectacular and such a good man/father and the mother of his children (if she’s not dead) is dogged out for not having her kids no matter what the reason. a lot of women are quick to assume that a guy is a great catch just because he’s a single parent father. I don’t get it but I surely can’t stand it. I guess that’s why I’m a magnet for single parent fathers.

Rick

April 3rd, 2012
9:23 am

Double standards exist for both sexes. Men are bad parents compared to the mother, men only want sex, you can make fun of a man and it’s OK, but make fun of a woman and the claws come out, women can be emotional and it’s OK, but if men get emotional and he’s a wuss, women date a much younger man and she’s a cougar (YAY), but if men date a much younger woman and he’s a pedophile (or dirty old man). Women act like they are the only ones that have to endure the double standard, but it goes both ways. BOTH genders have double standards for each other, but somehow only the ones that are talked about are the ones that women complain about. Oh yeah, there’s another one. if women complain, they are standing up for themselves, but if men complain, he’s a whiner (boy, you never see THAT on this blog…sarcasm).

Tired Out

April 3rd, 2012
9:27 am

DJ @ 8:32 – call me old fashioned, but I’ve never bought into the “sex on the first date” thing? Can you really know someone well enough after one date to be that intimate with someone, or do you just disassociate sex with intimacy? I’m not knocking your life choices, I’m just saying that in my experience, there’s not enough connection after only one date.

I’ve also seen the double standard that Fred was talking about at 8:45. I knew a lady who complained all the time. She was dating a friend of mine and he once stated that he was tired, after a ten hour shift at work, and she lit into him. Thankfully they didn’t last long after that.

disco

April 3rd, 2012
9:28 am

rick – kudos. you hit on some good ones this morning.

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
9:36 am

Morning lovelies,

I laughed (literally) when I read Rick’s post….although there is a hint of whining in there…still, funny though

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
9:44 am

Morning.

@disco/Rick ~ nice posts.

Lady~

April 3rd, 2012
9:49 am

nice post on the parenting! so true!

Hey C! See you soon sis! ;)

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
9:49 am

Morning,

This topic is sure to bring the missing men back. Slim now lurking in the panic room fully armed with Goose, advil and an entire blog arsenal

GracieL

April 3rd, 2012
9:52 am

disco @ 9:08,

THANK YOU! Ain’t that the truth! I’m so sick of hearing conservotards yammering on about how “single moms” are the problem. (You mean… the ones who STAY with the child to provide food, clothing, safety, and love? The parent who bails is not the problem? Geez!)

Double standard I noticed recently: Aggressive pursuit. After one date, the guy was blowing up my phone demanding to know when he could see me again, telling me we belong together, calling me pet names, and “wishing” we were together at that very moment — even though I’d been very clear that I am a person who likes to take it SLOW. It’s true that psychosis affects both genders, but if a woman behaves that way (never!), it’s utterly unforgivable!

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
9:52 am

Hey Lady! Just a few hours :)

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:00 am

On topic:

Read: woman
sex on first date = slut
never married = she’s got issues……of all sort, spinster, unwanted
stripper = low self esteem
single parent = irresponsible
emotional = crazy
passed around = slut
backbone = angry, bitter, crazy
independant = don’t need a man
reserved = prude, amish, too antiquated

Read men:
sex on first date = Zeus
never married = eternal bachelor, vied for, well seasoned
stripper = desirous
single parent = upstanding
emotional = in touch with feminine, admirable
passed around = desirous
backbone = man’s man
independant = man’s man…doing his thing
reserved = spiritual

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
10:01 am

How about in raising kids, the daughter is usually held to a different, tighter or stricter set of rules than say her brother would be. The female would probably have an earlier curfew whereas the boy could stay out all night. It’s frowned upon for the chick to have sex but yet the boy would be encouraged to sow his oats and not get boo’ed up too fast too young

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:03 am

Slim – You’re right. Sisters and I were in SS every Sunday…no if ands or buts, while my brothers would just be getting in from the night before. I can so more but y’all get the point.

Rick

April 3rd, 2012
10:07 am

Celisea, wow have you got it all incorrect…but then again I figured you would have it from that point of view. Just re-reading it and you don’t have it kinda wrong, you have it WAY wrong. But then again, you have it all putting the female as the victim, put upon, frowned upon and that’s expected…but not in the least bit accurate.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
10:07 am

If we’re talking ’standards’ as in imposed on me, then “cufk your standards (and yo couch).”

If we’re talking about the ’standards’ as in what I deem appropriate for myself – or expect from [project onto] those in my life – then yeah, we all gotta deal with ‘em.

I’ve said before that there’s no one that can tell me how to be me (man, son, husband, etc.). Likewise, I don’t suppose I have the right to tell anyone how to be themselves.

My point is, set the standard, don’t worry about the one’s other people subscribe to and life will be good.

Morning folks! What it do?

disco

April 3rd, 2012
10:07 am

celisea – re the male stripper. sort of off topic but a friend invited me to a “review” on Saturday night. I checked out some of the dancers online and one of those bad boys had me sitting on my sofa about to pass out. he was some kind of fine. I had to pass because I just didn’t want to pay money to take myself through all that.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
10:10 am

Double standards, my favorite topic-Lets just say I agree with them, and I am a proponent of the natural order of life…

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:13 am

Rick – I said what you said…just reversed genders…lol

disco – I wouldn’t have paid either. Some things should be free…lol

Lady~

April 3rd, 2012
10:15 am

Jake its a man’s world huh~ lol

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:16 am

And royal to be a man

disco

April 3rd, 2012
10:18 am

another thing that I think is a double standard but a lot of folks don’t like to agree with me. I think that cuter folks (children and adults) tend to get away with a tad bit more negative behavior than their not so easy to look at counterparts.

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
10:20 am

I have always felt weird about putting/giving strippers money, especially male dancers.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
10:20 am

but it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing without a woman or girl

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:21 am

Jake – Sho nuff

Lady~

April 3rd, 2012
10:27 am

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
10:28 am

@Disco

That’s not a double standard, it’s an evolutionary imperative “she (he) cute, I put up with foolishness”

kimmie

April 3rd, 2012
10:29 am

Morning All!

Hey Dan, what’s shakin? I’m kinda like you in that nobody is gonna tell me how to be me – woman, wife, mother, sister, friend, etc. I set the standards for my life and live them every day!

All these dating/relationship double standards don’t really bother me. Some are engrained in everyday society and complaining about them is not going to change them. Plus, I’m not too worried anyway cause, again, I set my standards and live by them. Other folks fall in line.

The biggest double standard that is frustrating for me as a woman – the different treatment in everyday services. Men’s clothes are better made, men get better drycleaning deals and I BETTER have a man with me when I take my car to have other than routine service done, otherwise they assume they can rip me off!

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:31 am

Tolerating bullcrappery is not a double standard for me either. I don’t care how cute or fine you are…I’m not tolerating

DJ Sniper

April 3rd, 2012
10:33 am

TiredOut, I’ve never had an issue with disassociating sex from emotions, so first date sex hasn’t ever been a problem for me. I understand it’s not for everybody though.

Tired Out

April 3rd, 2012
10:35 am

Celisea @ 10am -
I’ve got agree a bit with Rick. Not necessarily that you paint women as victims, but that your pronouncements are not totally accurate and you paint with a rather broad brush. As a man, I don’t count other men who have sex on the first date as gods. As mentioned early, I’ve always viewed sex as an intimate thing, and not something to be taken lightly. I wouldn’t have sex on the first date, because (at present) I’ve never formed a strong enough connection on one date to have sex.

I don’t think of strippers as having low self-esteem. People do what they think they have to do to get by. I would prefer a woman to have backbone. A woman who won’t stand up for herself is a pretty massive turn off to me. Then again, some guys prefer that because some guys have issues where they have to always be in control.

On the issue of single parents, I think it’s upstanding for both men and women to be single parents. My old-fashionedness wants a complete household (mother and father), but sometimes that’s not possible. Trying your best to raise a child alone is far better than disposing of the child into the system.

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
10:36 am

There will always be double standards simply because each gender think they’re better and more privileged than the other. This will never change.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
10:37 am

@Kimmie

Just trying to live between the sky and sea, on my feet and not my knees, what’s good with you?

Love the “other folks fall in line”; would like to add “or out of the way”

Mike P

April 3rd, 2012
10:39 am

Good Morning,

I have to admit, I have gotten away with a-lot more than most; not on bad behavior per se, but I do get away with a lot, bending rules, breaking rules, and such.

@Slim’s got the fever!: I find it weird that you’d find it more weird paying male strippers than female strippers. 0_o

disco

April 3rd, 2012
10:40 am

dan – I hear you but you’d think that folks would operate on same crime/same punishment but I’ve seen the not so cute kids get spankings whereas the cuter kids got talked to. it is what it is and maybe (subliminally) the parent is prepping the homely kid for life in the real world. also I’ve seen the significant other tolerate just a tad bit more from the cute partner than they tolerated with the not so cute partner. evolutionary? sure, I’ll buy that but I’ll also say it’s a double standard favoring the cute folks.

double standards are like stereotypes. they are here whether you like them or not. I say at least try to have some fun with them.

kimmie – just recently talked about the mens/womens clothing issue. general consensus is that men’s clothing often costs way more. men in discussion complained about that but we countered that men’s fashions generally aren’t as trendy as women’s fashions causing women to buy more frequently. sure women do basics and classics but a lot of women’s fashion is geared toward the current trend.

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:45 am

Tired Out – The question posed was what are some of the double standards that bug me….that’s what I listed. What I see, how I view, what I’ve encountered. I’ve never been a stripper still, my outlook is mine, my own. I cannot write nor dictate for anyone how they feel or view things and vice versa. I wrote FOR ME, how I view and what I feel, have experienced or encountered.

Even so, with double standards existing or how they translate TO ME, I really could care less what anybody does. I’m going to ALWAYS ALWAYS do what I want….regardless.

abc

April 3rd, 2012
10:45 am

Boy, this topic shows some bias, eh?

Certainly, strippers have low self-esteem, whether they’re male or female. They consider that they don’t have any better options than to play on their looks for a living — you don’t think that’s an esteem issue? It’s a shame.

Single parenthood IS the result of irresponsibility, no matter if you’re male or female. A child was brought into the world without parents who were truly committed to each other. I’m not throwing rocks at anyone here; I was a single parent myself.

A reserved demeanor is desirable in all people, at least to me. The loudmouth who acts out and demands attention is a drag, no matter who they are.

Sex upon meeting for the first time is the conduct of sluts no matter one’s gender. Again, not throwing rocks, been there done that. Lots. My only excuse is that I was young and pretty wild, but that’s not much of an excuse.

And so on. Double standards are nothing more than personal bias, both by those who hold the double standards, and by those who project upon others that they hold them.

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:46 am

Have fun with it folks.

kimmie

April 3rd, 2012
10:47 am

Dan – Just trying to make it thru soccer season, since I’m a soccer mom now!LOL!! Yeah – lead, follow or get out of the way!

disco – You are right about all that with clothes. I don’t mind paying a little more for quality sometimes though, and I always catch sales. But while I don’t jump on every trend that comes up, I do like to mix the classics with a touch of the current.

Slim's got the fever!

April 3rd, 2012
10:48 am

Mike P – I knew I would not get out from under that comment without getting a bit of the spotlight. Honestly, I don’t like giving strippers money at all, regardless of gender. However, I’d feel slightly, just slightly better giving it to a chick than a dude. I’ve been to a few ’shoe show’s and I’m more of a enjoy the group I’m with and let them do their thing kinda chick, than I am a making it rain, getting 20 dances a night kinda girl. ;-)

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:49 am

And where I’m obvious, I’ll give a homeless woman almost everytime any day over a man. I just would/do.

Celisea

April 3rd, 2012
10:50 am

I dunno, I feel some kind of way seeing women without.

Leggs

April 3rd, 2012
10:50 am

Single parenthood IS the result of irresponsibility, no matter if you’re male or female. A child was brought into the world without parents who were truly committed to each other. I’m not throwing rocks at anyone here; I was a single parent myself. – WOW

Single parenthood IS NOT the result of irresponsibility. Perhaps in some cases, but it’s not as closed-ended as that!

disco

April 3rd, 2012
10:52 am

mike p – re you finding slim’s stripper financing behavior weird. that in itself is just another double standard. somewhat acceptable for men to pay for strippers/call girls etc but it’s not the norm for women to do it.

hmm. strippers and low self esteem has come up a few times? not sure I’m buying it necessarily. I think it’s for folks on the outside looking in because they naturally want to look down on the strippers and because they can’t understand why someone would choose that career path. (I won’t even turn it into a moral issue). personally, I think a stripper is just another type of performer. I can’t knock a person who chooses a job and works hard at it.

abc – single parenting isn’t always about irresponsibility. some single people make a choice to have a baby. that choice is certainly none of my concern. and even married people find themselves becoming single parents through no fault of their own. folks get divorced/spouses die/things happen.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2012
10:52 am

@Disco

it is a double standard.

But studies have shown that cute(r) people lead different lives from the less attractive. More money, better careers; better perceptions of the persons character, intellect, atheleticism, sexual prowess, etc.

It’s a biological imperative to want to mate with someone you’re attracted to, that includes tolerating behavior you normally wouldn’t, and ignoring behaviors that you normally wouldn’t.

abc

April 3rd, 2012
10:54 am

Sure it is, Leggs. In my case, I married women who were unable to commit to the marriage, twice! How stupid and irresponsible is that? And, I wanted kids. I pushed to have them. At that age, it didn’t even occur to me that their behavior should indicate to me that they could up and leave pretty much at any time. Irresponsible, and the result affected my kids profoundly. Thank God they turned out alright.

If you have kids and you’re not married, that’s irresponsible. If you’re married with kids and leave the marriage, or are left alone, it’s irresponsibility on both party’s behalf. What else could you call it?

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 3rd, 2012
10:54 am

abc-don’t come in here telling the truth that way…lol