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Would you still be interested?

I was told by a guy friend that if women ever wanted to figure out when to take a guy seriously, ask themselves one question: If there was no sex involved, would they still be interested in you?

When a guy decides to pursue someone, he often has more than one reason to continue the pursuit. Sex is not always the top reason he is staying interested. Some women believe that that is the only reason some men stick around but I am not sure if that is the case.

If you are seeing someone now, would you still be interested if you were just friends?

What keeps you interested in someone? When do you lose interest?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

128 comments Add your comment

Lily

April 2nd, 2012
7:12 am

Diva, the.best situation is one where everything is there….everything, void of sex. I can definitely hang around if sex isn’t on the forefront. Sex is always eventual and the least of my worries. I’m always happy someone leaves or gets ghost for a lack of sex.That’s a screening process in and of itself. No friendship, no sex.

Lily

April 2nd, 2012
7:16 am

I lose interest when you’re wearing “wanting sex” like a banner. For me, that’s a turnoff.

Good day!

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
8:12 am

To approach a relationship and willfully take sex out of the mix is to undercut the relationship from the start. Now i am not saying that sex is the end all to be all, but it is as important as the communication, or compatability…..I can not see anyone going into a relationship saying ahead of time, I am just not going to talk to him/ her… Now the horndog thats trying to force the issue changes the game..Kinda like the girl that always brags about only dealing in name brands or the guy that won’t shut up about his “other car”. But to take away a linchpin of a healthy relationoship from the go…well that is a setup for a breakup…..

Mr. Unknown

April 2nd, 2012
8:42 am

Good morning,
If there was no sex involved, would they still be interested in you? Nope, especially if “sex” is being used as some sort of game or guage right of the bat. Naw, I pass. If you are only as deep as your P____, nope! Also don’t start a relationship with sex, then try and turn into a saint afterwards. Red flag!

Mr. Unknown

April 2nd, 2012
8:54 am

“I was told by a guy friend that if women ever wanted to figure out when to take a guy seriously, ask themselves one question:” Tell your guy friend, Why would you ever give a reason for a woman to over think something. I swear, worst than Steve Harvey!! lol

Mr. Unknown

April 2nd, 2012
9:11 am

What keeps you interested in someone? When she laughs at the silly things in life. When she shows interest in things outside of herself such as charities, helping her friends or loved ones when no one else would, love, love, love a good hearted woman, also she has her own set of goals before I ever came into the picture.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
9:20 am

Good morning. It’s going to be a beautiful day!!!!

If you are seeing someone now, would you still be interested if you were just friends? – I would, he seems to be a very person. Attentive, interested in what I have to say, and sex is not on the front burner (for the time being). That’s good. We are starting out getting to know each other. When it happens it happens, but it’s not “knowingly” front and center where I sense I’m the main course. Well, we both may be the main course, but that meal will be eaten much later (if at all).

<em?What keeps you interested in someone? His concern for himself and others, his ability to laugh, joke and be silly. His agenda in life, his character, how he treats and interact with me.

When do you lose interest? – When all he talks about is sex, octopus hands, not much to talk about.

Slim's got the fever!

April 2nd, 2012
9:34 am

Good morning Everybody,

Yes I would still be interested in the beau if we were just friends.

Mr. Unknown

April 2nd, 2012
9:39 am

Morning Leggs,
“Attentive, interested in what I have to say, and sex is not on the front burner” Do you believe that most guys are attentive and show interested in what you have to say inorder to have sex with you. How do you weed out the fakers from the good ones?

Selena

April 2nd, 2012
9:47 am

We started out sooooo good. It took about 2 moths before we had sex, now I feel that sex is the bain of our whole exsistance. So when when you say don’t have sex too soon into the relationship, thats so relative. I say its not a matter of sooner or later, its a matter of maturity. As for he and I, at this point I dont know if we can be friends afterwards. So for those who managed to make the transition to friendship, thats a testiment to peoople who truly value each other above anything else.

Slim's got the fever!

April 2nd, 2012
9:50 am

Mr. U – I know you weren’t necessarily asking me but yes some dudes are very attentive or interested in what we have to say in order to GDD’s (Get da drawers. As with everything though, time will tell. I don’t believe there will ever be a Full Proof process because some folks are experts as keeping up facades for a long period of time. All I could say is to just take your time and do things in a way that you can feel good about regardless of if it works out or not. At the end of the day, you still have to be you and live your life playing by your own rules.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
9:54 am

Morning, Mr. Unknown.

Yes, sometimes that is definitely the case. The guy feigns interest in you, tolerate what you have to say, appear to want to hear what you have to say, but there usually is always a slip giving way to one’s true intentions. All you have to do is listen. A sure sign is when you’re always cut off because he has something to say he feel is more important than what you’re already aying. There’s usually a carefully veiled sexual reference whether it’s directed at you or told in a story about someone else.

How do you weed out the fakers from the good ones? LISTENING, LISTENING, LISTENING. Your vibes/gut will not steer you wrong.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
9:55 am

That should be LISTEN….

abc

April 2nd, 2012
9:57 am

The tough part for chicks is separating the emotionally intimate from the physically intimate. A man will stick around someone he’s truly interested in if emotional intimacy exists or at least is in play. Sex can come later. A woman who is really a long-term or permanent potential is usually quite obvious to a man. If there’s uncertainty about that, there’s probably no potential.

Slim's got the fever!

April 2nd, 2012
10:07 am

A woman who is really a long-term or permanent potential is usually quite obvious to a man

abc – So curious, what sorts of things stand out to a man when it comes to deciding if a woman is in fact a long-term/permanent partner?

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
10:11 am

Morning….lovely weekend :)

I guess I have the lazies this morning. I was typing a post and it just felt like I was putting way too much thought and explanation in trying to get it said so, I’ll say this…..

I like what abc said. For the most part, patience or no I’m not having sex unless we’ve established something solid and of substance….that being a friendship.

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
10:14 am

What keeps me interested? A man that stays interested in me. A man that’s not brow breating the issue of sex. It’s gonna happen, TRUST ME, if something solid is there. Nothing solid? Nothing happening. Period. Point blank. Call me crazy, not with it, having issues, whatevs…nothing doing. Because really, even with all that still you can still encounter someone that’s just in it for the hunt.

Mr. Unknown

April 2nd, 2012
10:14 am

Slim~ In otherwords you don’t live in fear. “GDD” Why do I hear Tommy voice from the Martin Show. “Get da Draws Dog”!! lol Leggs~ “There’s usually a carefully veiled sexual reference whether it’s directed at you or told in a story about someone else.” Or It could just be flirting but I do agree with trusting your gut though. It will never fail you.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
10:16 am

<em?"…you can still encounter someone that’s just in it for the hunt. – And, to be honest, it’s not hard to spot. Some of you guys are so transparent.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
10:18 am

@Mr. Unknown ~ flirting is flirting and welcomed. My point is you can flirt w/o any sexual references right out the gate. That’s sexy.

abc

April 2nd, 2012
10:21 am

Slim, it might be chemical, in fact I’d say something literally chemical pretty much has to be present, but also lack of psycho-drama, decent family relationships, sharp mind, appealing and active interests, and so on. A man has to genuinely enjoy the lady’s company, just because of who she is as a person. While there are plenty of genuinely interesting women in the world, it’s relatively rare for a man to meet one that has genuine appeal to him in that regard. Kind of a paradox.

abc

April 2nd, 2012
10:23 am

…and after all that, if she’s very fair of face, with a great figure, and seriously trips one’s trigger in the bam bam area, done deal, wrap, buy the ring, lockdown! Not exactly rocket science.

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
10:24 am

Morning All!

Contrary to what abc said, I’ve never had a problem separating the two forms of intimacy, they have always just been REQUIRED to intertwine in my world. I need to feel some kind of way emotionally before there can be any physical involvement. That’s what separates me & most women from most men. And I make no apologies for that. I never threw my body around like that. Just because we went out on a few dates doesn’t make me obligated to sleep with you. Things will naturally take their course and the speed by which things happen depends on the 2 people involved and the connection established. If a guy was so hot in the pants that he couldn’t wait for what would have naturally happened anyway, if he couldn’t see the connection we were forming by getting to know each other and not jumping the gun, he could kick rocks.

Unless dude was just out for that from jump, I never had one to knowingly stop seeing me just because we hadn’t gone there yet. I guess I must have always had it written on my face that I wasn’t a “wham bam” type of woman, so I guess if that’s all they wanted, most dudes like that would never approach me anyway.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
10:36 am

“…I wasn’t a “wham bam” type of woman, so I guess if that’s all they wanted, most dudes like that would never approach me anyway.” – More probably have approached you than you think, just quickly realized “she’s not the one!”

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
10:39 am

Leggs – Yeah, you are probably right. I didn’t get any play in high school though, cause dudes knew I wasn’t going there!LOL!!

Mike P

April 2nd, 2012
10:49 am

WD-”If you are seeing someone now, would you still be interested if you were just friends?”

Depends… If she and I were friends before seeing each other, yes… If my initial approach was to dating you, then no we can’t remain friends; you’d fade to black!

I rarely go out of my way to maintain a friendship with a women afterwards; I figure its more important for her than for me so “let her do most of the work in maintaining it.” I find that its just not worth all the effort for me; this has been my experience on the subject.

Mike P

April 2nd, 2012
10:50 am

Good Morning all

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
10:52 am

Reading back at the topic, I’m not cool on Wise’s friend. For a woman to have to ask herself if this dude she’s been seeing would still be interested if no intimacy had been involved, thats basically saying all she has to offer is her body. Hopefully if she’s in just a physical relationship only or a FWB with said dude, she knows it. Otherwise, a better question would be “do me & said dude have enough in common and shared interests and values and strong enough connection to continue? Do I see a future with dude?

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
10:56 am

I didn’t get that from reading the post. I ask myself the same and I know there’s more to me than sex. I don’t think it’s a thing incredible to wonder if someone in just in it for sex. My assumption is you only want the phyiscal unless I see different and something solid forms.

That’s just me though and very humble opinion :)

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
10:57 am

I think asking if it’s purely sex in a round about way IS asking if there are other things and areas where we connect and share the same interests. I think it’s just semantics at play.

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
11:08 am

Celisea – I see, I guess it is just semantics. To me it’s seems so obvious when the physical is the only motivation, so there’s no need to ask. What are the other things that are holding this relationship together?

Just twisting it around in my head!

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
11:11 am

Kimmie – I hear you….we’re on the same page.

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
11:12 am

Wait a sec….Let me ask this question…..Do any of you date without the expectation of something permanent forming??? Not talking about sleeping around or antything like that,, But date ….Movies, concerts, dinners ..Just dating without the expectation of a LTL……

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
11:13 am

Mike P – In my opinion, it is ALWAYS more trouble to maintain a friendship with an ex, which is why I don’t do it. I concentrate on the friendships I already had before and the relationship I have with my man after ex. Ex is my past, not my future.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
11:18 am

I’m not, Row 125. I have friends to do all that with. I’m dating for LTR so I can enjoy doing that with HIM. Don’t want to open my rolodex and call up Jimmy to accompany me to the Maze concert, then bid him a farewell good night. I have friends for that. I date to connect. If there’s no connection, no need to linger…

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
11:19 am

Row – I’m married now, but when I was single, dating with no expectations is hard to do. I mean, I guess you could just go on a lot of 1st and only dates! That way, no expectation of anything. But at some point, most are going to be expecting SOMETHING, be it physical intimacy, exclusivity, something. Most men I know are not going to be spending money and time on a woman and expect nothing. If a woman is doing the same with a guy – spending her time and yes, at times her money, at some point somethings gotta give.

If all I want to do is hang out with no strings, that’s what my girlfriends and family are for.

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
11:28 am

Ok..That being said, How is that senario different than the one WD presented???? I ask, because on occasion, I do date without expectations….This is how I decide if a person is someone I want to see on a deeper level….We laugh, talk, and generally enjoy the company and at the end of the date, I go my way and she goes hers…I find that it is so much easier to date when the prospect of LTR is not hanging in the balance. We are allowed to jsut kind of be ourselves…enjoy an event of common intrest with no added pressure….She is not under the gun to give it up, and I do not feel teh need toprep for happily ever after…

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
11:40 am

Row – What you are talking about sounds like a 1st date or the 1st few dates. You said this is how you decide if it’s someone you want to continue to see on a deeper level – I thought that was the case with most people. I never went on the 1st few dates with a guy expecting him to be my husband down the line coming out the gate – that sounds crazy and a tad stalkerish!LOL!! Each date is either a build up to wanting to continue to get to know someone or not. It can stop at one date or continue on to the next. Both parties should be free to be themselves regardless though, and she should never be under the gun to give it up under any circumstances.

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
11:46 am

Row – Also, the prospect of a LTR with someone shouldn’t equal pressure, at least in my opinion. If it’s someone I see I want in my life for the long term, that should be a joy, not a burden.

Mike P

April 2nd, 2012
11:47 am

@kimmie: I didn’t just mean my ex’s… I also meant those I desire to date but they just (1)”wanna be friends with me” and (2) those of whom I’ve dated once or twice and for whatever reason, we didn’t hit it off.

Maintaining friendships with women requires a-lot of effort from us men, and when we don’t benefit or don’t see an obvious benefit, we bail or fade out. The woman in question have to be really worth the effort. just my humble honest opinion.

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
11:51 am

Mike P – Maintaining friendships with women requires a-lot of effort from us men, and when we don’t benefit or don’t see an obvious benefit,

First let me know I’m not knocking your opinion so don’t take offense but let me ask, how is it that maintaining a friendship take effort? I don’t understand. Friendships are free and just that. Now if there’s more you “expect”, can you call it a friendship?

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
11:51 am

Kimmie I think I may not have stated my question clearly…..I have often gone on dates because I wanted to go out….Done so without either the expectation of her being the “one”, or thinking of sexing at the end of the night. To use an example the Leegs used earlier, I want to see Frankie Beverly and I recently met a lady that might like the show..I don’t want to go alone, so I ask..we go have a great time…In my mind, its ok to jsut let that be that….. No need to plan the next date… No thoughts of PSS at 2am…I may have just wanted some company at the concert, and she may have just wanted to see the show….

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
11:52 am

First let me say not first let me know

Sorry, just heard and VERY VERY good friend was let go and I’m still reeling

Lady~

April 2nd, 2012
11:54 am

Good Day MIA~

Randyt (aka, what do I know, I'm still single again)

April 2nd, 2012
11:58 am

Hi All, Hi Leggs. In a place where blogging is not a good idea but wanted to briefly say hi.

On topic, for me (okay start with attractive, I am shallow in that regard), ‘interesting’, ‘comfortable’, and doesn’t ‘go crazy’ are my priorities. Sex is the icing on the cake and I never pursue it. If it is there, it will happen without pushing it. Again, I would say that I ahve more relationships screw up because of hiting the sheets too soon, than waiting a little, but the fact is that when the time is right, both know and accept.

:-)

Randyt (aka, what do I know, I'm still single again)

April 2nd, 2012
11:59 am

hitting not hiting, have not ahve…typing still like what a Hoover is known for.

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
12:04 pm

Row – Okay. That’s nice in theory. Unfortunately, things are just more complicated than that in reality. Are we talking about someone you are already friends with? I would have a hard time going to a concert or anywhere with a man that’s a total stranger and is he paying? It’s much easier to buy my own ticket and go with some girlfriends. You may be a very nice man that would not expect anything, but that’s just not how the world usually operates.

Randyt (aka, what do I know, I'm still single again)

April 2nd, 2012
12:08 pm

On topic, one of the dangers in this whole scenario is that women do try to over analyze things. I suspect this is the case too. This weekend, a relationship ended for me. She thought my lack of attention was because i was only interested in her “skills”. No, the reason I was inattentive was that we had different ideas of communications and I that caused ‘caution’ on my part. It could have worked, until she spent the night with the guy from Buckhead with the Maseratti and didn’t think I knew…sorry but one strike and you are out, no matter how good you are with your…

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
12:11 pm

Mike P – Gotcha. I feel the same about maintaining friendships with dudes too, to be honest. Unless they bat for the same team, it’s easier to have my platonic friendships limited to girlfriends or family friends. Trying to maintain some kind of friendship with a dude that put me in the friendzone from jump seems a bit stupid.

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
12:16 pm

Celisea – It is all a bit confusing, this friendship thing, but whatever!LOL!!

Exiled!

April 2nd, 2012
12:22 pm

@Row 125?

If u go out a couple times with different women on those ‘no expectation’ dates and kiss goodbye and go home,at some point they start talking about U and whether u have a functioning instrument.

Despite what they say here(females) they expect Every man to want to bed them at some point. They just fake it good! (some of them)

So the default for any men should always be to test her somehow,explicitly or implicitly.

Her perceived ‘cladd’ to you,should determine the interaction.

Some ladies?? Or ‘Ho-es’ or ‘fast one’s u get served on the first date.

With others,u get served after the month strikes 3! :lol:

Hey folks!

Exiled!

April 2nd, 2012
12:24 pm

Class to u..

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
12:29 pm

Kimmie, I understand your pont, But in my case, thats eh way it kinda goes…In my line of work, I come across a lot of people….Some I see regularly…. And yeah, sometime I ask and get teh exact response you gave, In which case I respect their stance and move on, But alot of the time I get an ok….Even when they have some reservations about it…we go, we have a good time and thats that… often we actually become friends and thats always cool, But if we just settle for a nice date and good time, I see no harm in that.

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
12:32 pm

Kimmie – Yep it is….all too confusing….I just let folks do what they want or works best…lol

Slim's got the fever!

April 2nd, 2012
12:32 pm

Randy – And just how did you know about your ex spending the night with a guy in Buckead that drives the Maserati???

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
12:34 pm

Exiled – What he’s proposing is just not realistic and would be extremely complicated to pull off. It negates the so-called non-pressure situation he tries to describe. It’s much easier and less complicated to grab a buddy and hang out! Too much to figure out and analyze, for me anyway!LOL!!

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
12:34 pm

Randyt – I’m guilty of overthinking…I am That’s a huge flaw that I have.

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
12:37 pm

Now Exiled, I did not say that I was nonfunctional!!! I said I am cool with going out with no expectations. Now if we part the show was great and the conversation stimulating, then its all good…But if the show was HOT and the conversation STIMULATING, then I am perfectly happy with parting company after breakfast as I am after midnight….

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
12:38 pm

Row – I still think you’re describing something a lot different than the scenario/topic from Wise. Now you’ve thrown work into the mix which adds another element – now it’s like coworkers hanging out. But hey, if you’ve made it work for you, that’s great.

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
12:38 pm

Too, adding to Kimmie’s 12:34, it’s not realistic. Someone that dates like a serialist won’t likely settle down…too many options. I wonder if the women know they’re number 8 on a 7 day week.

Exiled!

April 2nd, 2012
12:43 pm

Kimmie..I agree!

I doubt there are lots of women ready to go Dutch just to go out with a dude on a meaningless date

Or if he pays on All those dates,how much money does he have really to be doing that All the time with women he does not necessarily see any future with?

Row..I didn’t say that.. I just said the women will think that u can’t..it is women’s nature to muse on guys..especially after accepting a date,two or three…times..’no pressure!’ hmm

don’t see that..

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
12:43 pm

Celisea – Remember, no expectations, so they can’t worry what number they are!LOL!! In fact, lets just not call them “dates”! Just 2 folk hanging out, no expectations!

Row – I still want to know are you paying for all these no-expectations dates. It shouldn’t make a difference, but it does.

Mike P

April 2nd, 2012
12:43 pm

@Celisea: its like this… mainly I am talking about women who don’t understand/see/or don’t care about “the line drawn in the sand” and this line divides what I am willing TO DO FOR or PUT UP WITH from a woman I am with vs. just a friend… It just comes a point where its all hangover without the enjoyment of the party.

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
12:44 pm

Kimmie – LOLOL…exactly I’m going out on a “hanging out no expectation”

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
12:50 pm

Mike P – Gotcha. I guess though I still don’t quite get it because when I think of friends I think of no expectations….at all. No doing for them nor “putting up with” I just think of something that’s clear and free and cool to be

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
12:54 pm

Actually the prospect of such an evening would not be appealing to me at all. Part of the enjoyment of the evening is the company you are with, unless you are going by yourself. I would much rather go to this concert I’ve been dying to go to with a good friend I can talk to and clown with versus some dude I don’t really know and may or may not have fun with. That’s the thing with no expectations – you don’t know what you’re getting! But that’s just me! :wink:

Slim's got the fever!

April 2nd, 2012
12:59 pm

I had a guy friend who is simply a guy friend. We may meet up for a drink or two every now and then but we don’t go to concerts, vacations or anything like that together. When we do meet for drinks, it’s usually a dutch situation unless one of us is in the mood to treat. If a guy who was a friend started asking me to go with him to various events, I would think he was interested in more than a events partner…plus by spending more time together without the cloud of sex hanging over us, could trick one into thinking or at least considering something more. Just human

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
1:02 pm

“I do date without expectations….This is how I decide if a person is someone I want to see on a deeper level….”(/em> – Ummmm, isn’t that still an expectation of sorts?

@RandyT ~ how the heck have you’ve been? Sorry to hear about the demise of the relationship. It sounded so promising. Her sleeping with the guy is a damn good reason to park her on the curb. However, being inattentive and cautious stops one dead in their tracks full of wondering WTH is going on. Without communiation, no doubt the relationship starts to fray. She should have sat you down and asked what was going on with you, or you should have sat her down and TOLD her what was going on with you. She took matters in her own hands.

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
1:03 pm

I could be wrong because I’ve been known to be…lol….but just hanging out with folks with nowhere or nothing in mind makes me think of FWB. I agree, out of human nature, too many times together with a person and there’s a vibe there, naturally feelings start to kick in. Just random dates? Not so much…like I said, FWB

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
1:04 pm

My 1:03 is regarding dating different folks…not hanging out with a cool friend. A friend as in a real friend. I’m speaking to meeting up and hooking up.

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
1:09 pm

Leggs – That is a contridiction, if you think about it. You say you are “dating” with no expectations, going out with these folk you meet thru your work, yet at the same time you are “deciding” if you want to get to know them on a deeper level! So you’re trying to say you just want to hang out but really you are scoping out women for possible relationships.

No expectations? Yeah right! Nice player move though!LOL!!

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
1:21 pm

I pay…. But its not like I am spending thousands of dollars….. Night out for dinner might be between $50 and $100 dollars…meeting for lunch will not even be half of that….. again, not alot of money… plus we are talking maybe a couple or three times a month….. But based on the comments, I guess that I am in the minority on this one…

Slim's got the fever!

April 2nd, 2012
1:26 pm

No expectations? Yeah right! Nice player move though

Cold BUSTING EM! :lol:

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
1:29 pm

kimmie, its really not a player move…LOL…Let me give you an example….I have two season tickets to the Hawks….. I was at the dentist and noticed that the lady sitting next tome was reading Sports Illustrated… We talked and turns out she was a basketball fan (76ers as she was from Philly)…We joked about the prospects for our teams and when I was called, I mentioned the Knicks were coming and asked if she wanted to go….We met at Taco Mac in Phillips, enjoyed the game and hung out for a while after… Cool lady,funny and interesting. When we parted company, I asked that she let me know that she made it home safely…She texted me when she did, thanked me for a fun time and that was it… We had a good time. Why does everyone find that so hard to believe???

Lady~

April 2nd, 2012
1:43 pm

so friend zone Row?!? just friends or I want to get to know this cool lady more and there are more dates and conversing for a possible relationship?!?

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
1:46 pm

In the case above, the game was Saturday, and as of now, yeah we are cool….will we go out again? Maybe…Could turn into something? Anything is possible…But as of right now, we went to the game, had a good time, no harm no foul….I really trying to see, where is the dishonor in that???

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
1:47 pm

@kimmie ~ you got it! That’s my take as well.

Not saying it doesn’t/can’t happen Row 125. You made your assessment while at the game, maybe at Taco Mac, during your restroom break, what have you, that you were either going to pursue getting to know her better or not. You placed that expectation of going further or stopping after the game. Safe to say if you two truly clicked, she had that which you were looking for in a mate, there would have been a second date. Your expectation was to not pursue. Did she ever call YOU again?

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
1:47 pm

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
1:50 pm

Ok, I see now you said there “may be” a second date. If the second date occurs, one expection has been met. You want to go out with her again. And other expectations will be forming whether you admit it or not.

Lady~

April 2nd, 2012
1:52 pm

it sounds fine Row and I have been o these meet and greets before and they go nowhere. Meaning I wasn’t interested or the dude wasn’t interested and while we chatted a bit afterwards a 2nd date or meet up never occurred.

i guess not wasting one’s time or resources suffice if there is no attraction #shrugs

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
1:54 pm

Leggs, she let me know she made it home…..That was it…

Wait……
* We went to the game.
* Talked and had a good time
* Ate wings and had a beer afterwards

How is that some grand conspiracy???

Lady~

April 2nd, 2012
1:56 pm

I believe you Row……..Are you two still in touch?!?

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
2:02 pm

Lady, This just this past Saturday…..

Lady~

April 2nd, 2012
2:03 pm

Sounds like you like living for the moment and for the moment if it works it works if it doesn’t you seek out what works for you?!?

I could be reading too much into though. Do you aspire to settle down if the right meet n greet continues in your favor?!? Rhetorical I know but I am curious in your long term interactions

Lady~

April 2nd, 2012
2:04 pm

oh cool well its very realistic and I believe your meet n greet. glad you both enjoyed it for that moment. Being in the present is cool sometimes~ the here and now

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
2:07 pm

Row – No dishonor at all. In fact, that’s how most RELATIONSHIPS begin, is my point! You can call it “no expectations” or whatever you want. If pressure is on either party to give it up or turn it into something before it naturally develops, that’s on them.

Sounds like you are being a perfect gentleman too. But guess what would happen if a single woman made it a habit to only go on these “no expectations” excusions all the time, just accepting 1st dates all over town and nothing more? She’d end up being labeled as a golddigger or freeloader or always looking for a free lunch.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
2:09 pm

@Row 125 ~ I saw where you said she texted you that she made it home safely.

I also read where you said “yeah we are cool….will we go out again? Maybe…Could turn into something? – Seems to me by saying “yeah we are cool, perhaps more than texting she’s saftely home may have taken place. “May be we’ll go out again,” seems like more than texing she’s safe may have occurred. :wink: That’s all I’m saying. And if not, you saying “may be we’ll go out again,” sides with the notion that you’ve been thinking about her!

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
2:11 pm

At some point I hope the meet the lady that I want to spend the rest of my life with…..Who doesn’t??? Who knows I may have already met her!!!! That is one of the reasons why I treat women with such a high degree of respect….She might already be in my life and the timing was not right…

Lady~

April 2nd, 2012
2:13 pm

got you sir~ thanks!

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 2nd, 2012
2:23 pm

What Up…ya’ll quit ridin 125…I think the man is saying he will take a lady out, if it progresses cool, if not its cool, she may a nice partner to network with, he does not need to bed every chick he goes out with…no harm no foul, but its okay to meet different people…but on the real, some of that cat finds its way back to you…Play on

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
2:31 pm

Jake – Hey, I’m not knocking it, just calling what I see. He’s meeting people and dating and not pressing anything else. Don’t see the harm in it. He just chooses to add the disclaimer “no expectations”. Same thing I did when dating – I didn’t expect every 1st date I went on for the dude to turn out to be my husband one day! But if we start going out regularly and exclusively, then yeah, duh!

Lady~

April 2nd, 2012
2:34 pm

semantics has been the theme for the day~ ;) tomato, tomoto

peace out~

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
2:35 pm

Bye Lady – See you tomorrow :)

Slim's got the fever!

April 2nd, 2012
2:37 pm

ya’ll quit ridin 125…I think the man is saying he will take a lady out, if it progresses cool, if not its cool

Thanks Jake, I was starting to feel like a horse was going to drop dead somewhere soon lol

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
2:44 pm

@Jake ~ we’re not riding him. I think what he did was very nice. More people should do it. But with all the nuts walking amongst us, it’s hard to do. He took a leap of faith and had a good time with a stranger.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
2:48 pm

BTW, like kimmie said, Jake, it’s not what Row 125 did, but what he said! Big difference.

Reio

April 2nd, 2012
2:48 pm

Hi,everybody! Been quite a while for me on this blog. Medical stuff, hospital…Nothing serious or life threatening, just stuff that needed to be done. I’ll try and get back regularly. That’s a great way for a gal to tell if a guy is serious or not. A good one will look for and want more. It’s that simple.

Selena

April 2nd, 2012
2:53 pm

@Reio-It does not matter about wanting more… if I’m playing by the rules and he still playin by the Game!

Reio

April 2nd, 2012
2:57 pm

@Selena – if he is playing, open the back door and give him the boot. Don’t hesitate.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
2:57 pm

Then he’s not the one for you Selena. Time to put your “more” into someone more worthy!

I have one deeply interested in me, but he can’t give more, therefore I had to shut him down. When you realize what’s actually in front of you, no need to settle and rest on a bed of “what if’s.”

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
3:00 pm

I’m not putting him down at all, in fact I commended him for being a gentleman. But what he initially proposed was just unrealistic.

Selena

April 2nd, 2012
3:01 pm

@Leggs- Yep your right…I just hope my ability to spot the bad ones kick in sooner than later. But I heard whatchu said, LISTEN.

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
3:05 pm

Reio – Glad you are doing better!

Reio

April 2nd, 2012
3:12 pm

@kimmie – Thanks. I was hoping someone on here would remember me.
Thanks again.

Selena

April 2nd, 2012
3:12 pm

Reio and Leggs…Thanks, maybe I need a dating coach. :)

Reio

April 2nd, 2012
3:16 pm

Selens – You just need to be willing to open the back door. Put up with NO foolishness. You’re too good for that. You play with toys and board games, not peoples hearts. Just sayin.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
3:23 pm

@Reio ~ we all remember you. I too am glad you’re doing better and hope to see more of you. Didn’t mean to treat you like a stepchild and not acknowledge your return .

GOOD TO SEE YOU!!! :wink:

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
3:25 pm

@Selena ~ you are your life coach. Pay attention, stop dismissing things, and stop taking what they say at face value. If they can’t back up their words, they’re not into you the way you may be into them. Value yourself first, act like you value yourself, and then in turn a valued man will also make his presence known to you. Some time may go by, but it will happen (lol).

Reio

April 2nd, 2012
3:31 pm

Leggs – That’s nice of you and I appreciate the kind words. Sounds like Selena needs to learn that there are more uses for the back door than she realizes. I taught my daughters the same thing.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
3:35 pm

@Reio ~ back door, father talking about this daughters = not good on this particular blog (lol). I see you’ve been gone for some time. :lol: :lol:

Reio

April 2nd, 2012
3:39 pm

Selena – Yea, there are all kinds of lousy, stinking, filthy, unclean, low-down, dirty disease carrying, good for nothing, worthless, two-legged pigs walking around. when they reveal themselves (and they will), tell them to hit the road and don’t look back. It’s easiear for some to do than others, but you have to look out for YOU. Ok?

Reio

April 2nd, 2012
3:43 pm

Leggs – Yes, I see what you mean. Of course, that was years ago when they were much younger. There was no connotation with that phrase then. Hehehe..

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
3:52 pm

I hear you, Reio. I had not doubt. Just words now have different meanings attached to them.

Nice post at 3:39.

Reio

April 2nd, 2012
4:03 pm

Leggs – Yes, I know. And I suppose it’s been a while. It seemed to have worked for both of my girls. Over the years there have been a number of BFs, but only one that I know of, caused me to wonder about him. The rest have been fairly decent. Thank God. Their latest ones are pretty good fellows. For what it’s worth.

Slim's got the fever!

April 2nd, 2012
4:04 pm

Leggs – I was waiting for swiss or ex to jump out of the bushes on that note :lol:

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
4:11 pm

@Slim ~ I tried (lol).

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
4:12 pm

Anybody have any smelling salt??

Reio

April 2nd, 2012
4:16 pm

Leggs – Smelling salt? I don’t get it.

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
4:24 pm

Reio – Smelling salt is old school. To wake folks up or bring folks back…

If I’m not mistake, folks falling out in chuuch would get the smelling sauce….lol

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
4:25 pm

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
4:26 pm

@Reio ~ Ex and Swiss had to have fainted somewhere in Blogsville for either of them not to strike (lol).

Robert

April 2nd, 2012
4:27 pm

“If there was no sex involved, would they still be interested in you?”

I often ask myself that question. Sometimes I feel like a “sex toy” and I wonder if I was un-employed, with no house, car or money in the bank would she still be interested in me for me only. My female friends tell me good sex (passion & desire) is hard to find and will settle for lust instead of love. We play mind games and convince ourselfs that we do not need sex as a centerpiece for our relationship. We hope our partner is mature enough to understand that you are taking the “high road” and need more time to decide whether or not you want a sexual relationship sooner or later, in this relationship.

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
4:31 pm

Sometimes I feel like a “sex toy” and I wonder if I was un-employed, with no house, car or money in the bank would she still be interested in me for me only.

Dang Robert, you got it like that???

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
4:32 pm

Alight…I think my day is about done. I have been fighting sleep allllll day. I was up and out early and gone all day yesterday. I didn’t climb in bed until late. I’z tired today. I’m getting in the bed early tonight :)

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
4:34 pm

“…convince ourselfs that we do not need sex as a centerpiece for our relationship. We hope our partner is mature enough to understand that you are taking the “high road” and need more time to decide whether – No matter how mature the partner is, if you’re in a relationship isn’t it a given sex will occur. If not, then simply say you are in a business relationship.

Slim's got the fever!

April 2nd, 2012
4:40 pm

Wow, another university school shooting, 5 dead. smh!

Robert

April 2nd, 2012
4:44 pm

@Leggs – For me it is not about the “sex”. It’s about my feelings (passion & desire). I love intimacy (kissing, hugging, etc.). I can not have a sexual relationship with a woman who I have no feelings regardless of how long we have known each other or dating. I have turned down more casual sex/lust than most men get in their lifetime.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
4:56 pm

@Robert ~ you are only saying the same thing many women here have said. We can’t sex you up if we don’t have feelings. Can’t get intimate with another simply because they are near you. The feelings have to be there.

On the other side of the coin, there are women who simply want to get their rocks off and you get to stepping.