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Would you still be interested?

I was told by a guy friend that if women ever wanted to figure out when to take a guy seriously, ask themselves one question: If there was no sex involved, would they still be interested in you?

When a guy decides to pursue someone, he often has more than one reason to continue the pursuit. Sex is not always the top reason he is staying interested. Some women believe that that is the only reason some men stick around but I am not sure if that is the case.

If you are seeing someone now, would you still be interested if you were just friends?

What keeps you interested in someone? When do you lose interest?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

128 comments Add your comment

Exiled!

April 2nd, 2012
12:22 pm

@Row 125?

If u go out a couple times with different women on those ‘no expectation’ dates and kiss goodbye and go home,at some point they start talking about U and whether u have a functioning instrument.

Despite what they say here(females) they expect Every man to want to bed them at some point. They just fake it good! (some of them)

So the default for any men should always be to test her somehow,explicitly or implicitly.

Her perceived ‘cladd’ to you,should determine the interaction.

Some ladies?? Or ‘Ho-es’ or ‘fast one’s u get served on the first date.

With others,u get served after the month strikes 3! :lol:

Hey folks!

Exiled!

April 2nd, 2012
12:24 pm

Class to u..

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
12:29 pm

Kimmie, I understand your pont, But in my case, thats eh way it kinda goes…In my line of work, I come across a lot of people….Some I see regularly…. And yeah, sometime I ask and get teh exact response you gave, In which case I respect their stance and move on, But alot of the time I get an ok….Even when they have some reservations about it…we go, we have a good time and thats that… often we actually become friends and thats always cool, But if we just settle for a nice date and good time, I see no harm in that.

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
12:32 pm

Kimmie – Yep it is….all too confusing….I just let folks do what they want or works best…lol

Slim's got the fever!

April 2nd, 2012
12:32 pm

Randy – And just how did you know about your ex spending the night with a guy in Buckead that drives the Maserati???

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
12:34 pm

Exiled – What he’s proposing is just not realistic and would be extremely complicated to pull off. It negates the so-called non-pressure situation he tries to describe. It’s much easier and less complicated to grab a buddy and hang out! Too much to figure out and analyze, for me anyway!LOL!!

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
12:34 pm

Randyt – I’m guilty of overthinking…I am That’s a huge flaw that I have.

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
12:37 pm

Now Exiled, I did not say that I was nonfunctional!!! I said I am cool with going out with no expectations. Now if we part the show was great and the conversation stimulating, then its all good…But if the show was HOT and the conversation STIMULATING, then I am perfectly happy with parting company after breakfast as I am after midnight….

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
12:38 pm

Row – I still think you’re describing something a lot different than the scenario/topic from Wise. Now you’ve thrown work into the mix which adds another element – now it’s like coworkers hanging out. But hey, if you’ve made it work for you, that’s great.

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
12:38 pm

Too, adding to Kimmie’s 12:34, it’s not realistic. Someone that dates like a serialist won’t likely settle down…too many options. I wonder if the women know they’re number 8 on a 7 day week.

Exiled!

April 2nd, 2012
12:43 pm

Kimmie..I agree!

I doubt there are lots of women ready to go Dutch just to go out with a dude on a meaningless date

Or if he pays on All those dates,how much money does he have really to be doing that All the time with women he does not necessarily see any future with?

Row..I didn’t say that.. I just said the women will think that u can’t..it is women’s nature to muse on guys..especially after accepting a date,two or three…times..’no pressure!’ hmm

don’t see that..

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
12:43 pm

Celisea – Remember, no expectations, so they can’t worry what number they are!LOL!! In fact, lets just not call them “dates”! Just 2 folk hanging out, no expectations!

Row – I still want to know are you paying for all these no-expectations dates. It shouldn’t make a difference, but it does.

Mike P

April 2nd, 2012
12:43 pm

@Celisea: its like this… mainly I am talking about women who don’t understand/see/or don’t care about “the line drawn in the sand” and this line divides what I am willing TO DO FOR or PUT UP WITH from a woman I am with vs. just a friend… It just comes a point where its all hangover without the enjoyment of the party.

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
12:44 pm

Kimmie – LOLOL…exactly I’m going out on a “hanging out no expectation”

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
12:50 pm

Mike P – Gotcha. I guess though I still don’t quite get it because when I think of friends I think of no expectations….at all. No doing for them nor “putting up with” I just think of something that’s clear and free and cool to be

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
12:54 pm

Actually the prospect of such an evening would not be appealing to me at all. Part of the enjoyment of the evening is the company you are with, unless you are going by yourself. I would much rather go to this concert I’ve been dying to go to with a good friend I can talk to and clown with versus some dude I don’t really know and may or may not have fun with. That’s the thing with no expectations – you don’t know what you’re getting! But that’s just me! :wink:

Slim's got the fever!

April 2nd, 2012
12:59 pm

I had a guy friend who is simply a guy friend. We may meet up for a drink or two every now and then but we don’t go to concerts, vacations or anything like that together. When we do meet for drinks, it’s usually a dutch situation unless one of us is in the mood to treat. If a guy who was a friend started asking me to go with him to various events, I would think he was interested in more than a events partner…plus by spending more time together without the cloud of sex hanging over us, could trick one into thinking or at least considering something more. Just human

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
1:02 pm

“I do date without expectations….This is how I decide if a person is someone I want to see on a deeper level….”(/em> – Ummmm, isn’t that still an expectation of sorts?

@RandyT ~ how the heck have you’ve been? Sorry to hear about the demise of the relationship. It sounded so promising. Her sleeping with the guy is a damn good reason to park her on the curb. However, being inattentive and cautious stops one dead in their tracks full of wondering WTH is going on. Without communiation, no doubt the relationship starts to fray. She should have sat you down and asked what was going on with you, or you should have sat her down and TOLD her what was going on with you. She took matters in her own hands.

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
1:03 pm

I could be wrong because I’ve been known to be…lol….but just hanging out with folks with nowhere or nothing in mind makes me think of FWB. I agree, out of human nature, too many times together with a person and there’s a vibe there, naturally feelings start to kick in. Just random dates? Not so much…like I said, FWB

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
1:04 pm

My 1:03 is regarding dating different folks…not hanging out with a cool friend. A friend as in a real friend. I’m speaking to meeting up and hooking up.

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
1:09 pm

Leggs – That is a contridiction, if you think about it. You say you are “dating” with no expectations, going out with these folk you meet thru your work, yet at the same time you are “deciding” if you want to get to know them on a deeper level! So you’re trying to say you just want to hang out but really you are scoping out women for possible relationships.

No expectations? Yeah right! Nice player move though!LOL!!

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
1:21 pm

I pay…. But its not like I am spending thousands of dollars….. Night out for dinner might be between $50 and $100 dollars…meeting for lunch will not even be half of that….. again, not alot of money… plus we are talking maybe a couple or three times a month….. But based on the comments, I guess that I am in the minority on this one…

Slim's got the fever!

April 2nd, 2012
1:26 pm

No expectations? Yeah right! Nice player move though

Cold BUSTING EM! :lol:

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
1:29 pm

kimmie, its really not a player move…LOL…Let me give you an example….I have two season tickets to the Hawks….. I was at the dentist and noticed that the lady sitting next tome was reading Sports Illustrated… We talked and turns out she was a basketball fan (76ers as she was from Philly)…We joked about the prospects for our teams and when I was called, I mentioned the Knicks were coming and asked if she wanted to go….We met at Taco Mac in Phillips, enjoyed the game and hung out for a while after… Cool lady,funny and interesting. When we parted company, I asked that she let me know that she made it home safely…She texted me when she did, thanked me for a fun time and that was it… We had a good time. Why does everyone find that so hard to believe???

Lady~

April 2nd, 2012
1:43 pm

so friend zone Row?!? just friends or I want to get to know this cool lady more and there are more dates and conversing for a possible relationship?!?

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
1:46 pm

In the case above, the game was Saturday, and as of now, yeah we are cool….will we go out again? Maybe…Could turn into something? Anything is possible…But as of right now, we went to the game, had a good time, no harm no foul….I really trying to see, where is the dishonor in that???

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
1:47 pm

@kimmie ~ you got it! That’s my take as well.

Not saying it doesn’t/can’t happen Row 125. You made your assessment while at the game, maybe at Taco Mac, during your restroom break, what have you, that you were either going to pursue getting to know her better or not. You placed that expectation of going further or stopping after the game. Safe to say if you two truly clicked, she had that which you were looking for in a mate, there would have been a second date. Your expectation was to not pursue. Did she ever call YOU again?

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
1:47 pm

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
1:50 pm

Ok, I see now you said there “may be” a second date. If the second date occurs, one expection has been met. You want to go out with her again. And other expectations will be forming whether you admit it or not.

Lady~

April 2nd, 2012
1:52 pm

it sounds fine Row and I have been o these meet and greets before and they go nowhere. Meaning I wasn’t interested or the dude wasn’t interested and while we chatted a bit afterwards a 2nd date or meet up never occurred.

i guess not wasting one’s time or resources suffice if there is no attraction #shrugs

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
1:54 pm

Leggs, she let me know she made it home…..That was it…

Wait……
* We went to the game.
* Talked and had a good time
* Ate wings and had a beer afterwards

How is that some grand conspiracy???

Lady~

April 2nd, 2012
1:56 pm

I believe you Row……..Are you two still in touch?!?

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
2:02 pm

Lady, This just this past Saturday…..

Lady~

April 2nd, 2012
2:03 pm

Sounds like you like living for the moment and for the moment if it works it works if it doesn’t you seek out what works for you?!?

I could be reading too much into though. Do you aspire to settle down if the right meet n greet continues in your favor?!? Rhetorical I know but I am curious in your long term interactions

Lady~

April 2nd, 2012
2:04 pm

oh cool well its very realistic and I believe your meet n greet. glad you both enjoyed it for that moment. Being in the present is cool sometimes~ the here and now

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
2:07 pm

Row – No dishonor at all. In fact, that’s how most RELATIONSHIPS begin, is my point! You can call it “no expectations” or whatever you want. If pressure is on either party to give it up or turn it into something before it naturally develops, that’s on them.

Sounds like you are being a perfect gentleman too. But guess what would happen if a single woman made it a habit to only go on these “no expectations” excusions all the time, just accepting 1st dates all over town and nothing more? She’d end up being labeled as a golddigger or freeloader or always looking for a free lunch.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
2:09 pm

@Row 125 ~ I saw where you said she texted you that she made it home safely.

I also read where you said “yeah we are cool….will we go out again? Maybe…Could turn into something? – Seems to me by saying “yeah we are cool, perhaps more than texting she’s saftely home may have taken place. “May be we’ll go out again,” seems like more than texing she’s safe may have occurred. :wink: That’s all I’m saying. And if not, you saying “may be we’ll go out again,” sides with the notion that you’ve been thinking about her!

Row 125, seat 11B

April 2nd, 2012
2:11 pm

At some point I hope the meet the lady that I want to spend the rest of my life with…..Who doesn’t??? Who knows I may have already met her!!!! That is one of the reasons why I treat women with such a high degree of respect….She might already be in my life and the timing was not right…

Lady~

April 2nd, 2012
2:13 pm

got you sir~ thanks!

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

April 2nd, 2012
2:23 pm

What Up…ya’ll quit ridin 125…I think the man is saying he will take a lady out, if it progresses cool, if not its cool, she may a nice partner to network with, he does not need to bed every chick he goes out with…no harm no foul, but its okay to meet different people…but on the real, some of that cat finds its way back to you…Play on

kimmie

April 2nd, 2012
2:31 pm

Jake – Hey, I’m not knocking it, just calling what I see. He’s meeting people and dating and not pressing anything else. Don’t see the harm in it. He just chooses to add the disclaimer “no expectations”. Same thing I did when dating – I didn’t expect every 1st date I went on for the dude to turn out to be my husband one day! But if we start going out regularly and exclusively, then yeah, duh!

Lady~

April 2nd, 2012
2:34 pm

semantics has been the theme for the day~ ;) tomato, tomoto

peace out~

Celisea

April 2nd, 2012
2:35 pm

Bye Lady – See you tomorrow :)

Slim's got the fever!

April 2nd, 2012
2:37 pm

ya’ll quit ridin 125…I think the man is saying he will take a lady out, if it progresses cool, if not its cool

Thanks Jake, I was starting to feel like a horse was going to drop dead somewhere soon lol

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
2:44 pm

@Jake ~ we’re not riding him. I think what he did was very nice. More people should do it. But with all the nuts walking amongst us, it’s hard to do. He took a leap of faith and had a good time with a stranger.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
2:48 pm

BTW, like kimmie said, Jake, it’s not what Row 125 did, but what he said! Big difference.

Reio

April 2nd, 2012
2:48 pm

Hi,everybody! Been quite a while for me on this blog. Medical stuff, hospital…Nothing serious or life threatening, just stuff that needed to be done. I’ll try and get back regularly. That’s a great way for a gal to tell if a guy is serious or not. A good one will look for and want more. It’s that simple.

Selena

April 2nd, 2012
2:53 pm

@Reio-It does not matter about wanting more… if I’m playing by the rules and he still playin by the Game!

Reio

April 2nd, 2012
2:57 pm

@Selena – if he is playing, open the back door and give him the boot. Don’t hesitate.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2012
2:57 pm

Then he’s not the one for you Selena. Time to put your “more” into someone more worthy!

I have one deeply interested in me, but he can’t give more, therefore I had to shut him down. When you realize what’s actually in front of you, no need to settle and rest on a bed of “what if’s.”