Know why you got dumped?
Imagine dating someone for a couple of weeks and believing things were progressing to something serious, then the person up and disappears. There is no explanation, no message, no post-it note, no text message.
Now, most people move on and wonder from time to time what happened. Then there are those who sort of go out of their way to get an answer because they think they deserve to know.
Do you think it is important to know why you got dumped? I think this may be something that women struggle with more than guys. I rarely hear men complain about the disappearing acts of women they are interested in.
Why is it so hard to let someone know they are not the one? If you knew the reason you were dumped, do you think it would be helpful to know?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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285 comments Add your comment
Lily
March 29th, 2012
6:53 am
Diva, I can honestly say I’ve never had someone to fall off the side of the earth on me. My thoughts however are if they do, let them move on. Any self respcting decent adult will have no problem letting you know things aren’t working out. Only the immature pull stunts like disappearing. And in this case let move it along. Now if it’s the case of stalling, playing games, sending mixed signals, saying one thing yet doing differently, wanting you to sit on hold, wanting to have their cake and eat it too…..then yes. They don’t necessarily have to “explain” but you letting them know you’re not having that is in order. Again, just plain silence and getting lost? Leave them gone.
Jeff
March 29th, 2012
7:24 am
Sometimes it’s better to not ask questions that you really don’t want to know the answer to. And if the person was completely honest with you, would you make an effort to change that issue for the future, or get all self righteous about it? What’s your real motivation for finding out?
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
7:50 am
Good Morning MIA!!!!!!!!!!
hmmmmm @ the topic. Let me ponder………..
CoolShadow
March 29th, 2012
8:26 am
Do you think it is important to know why you got dumped?
We’d like to know what happened, especially when you were digging the person and things seemingly fell apart for no reason. We want to know for the purposes of closure but do we really get it? It’s probably best to move on and engage your healing process because the dumping you get now may be saving you from a whole lot more drama down the road.
LL411
March 29th, 2012
8:34 am
Imagine dating someone for a couple of weeks and believing things were progressing to something serious, then the person up and disappears. There is no explanation, no message, no post-it note, no text message. >>>>>
This happened just recently, and I will admit that on the surface things appeared ok but on another level I started to realize that we really were not a match… I’ve only known you and you me for a couple of weeks… If he had wanted to share an explanation ok, if not thats ok too.
I don’t have a problem with the fade this early into the get to know. I know neither one did anything egregious… move on.
LL411
March 29th, 2012
8:36 am
Like CoolShadow said… saving you from a whole lot of drama down the road.
Rick
March 29th, 2012
8:38 am
Nope, don’t want to know and don’t care to know. If you don’t think I’m a good match for you, then move it on down the road. There are plenty of fish in the sea and plenty of horses to ride. Dust yourself off and get back to the rodeo. The worst thing that you can do is wail, throw sand in the air and gnash your teeth about it. Many times I’ve had my ex come back because she wondered why I moved on so fast. Then she decided she had made a mstake. That hesitation was her SECOND mistake.
lucinda
March 29th, 2012
9:13 am
**Imagine dating someone for a couple of weeks and believing things were progressing to something serious…**
well if you think it’s turning “serious’ in just a couple of weeks, that might be why they ran for the hills! Too much, too fast. I’d run, too.
disco
March 29th, 2012
9:17 am
good morning guys. I refer to this phenomenon as the “fadeaway”. funny it’s today’s topic because just last night I was visiting a friend and asked about a date that she was so excited about. she and said guy had been out a few times and were supposed to go out last week. she told me that he was a no call, no show, no text, no facebook message, no nothing. she says she hasn’t heard from him since he scheduled the date.
do I want to know why a person fades away? if there’s any time at all invested then – yep. it’s just the decent thing to do. i’ve got lots of theories as to why guys do the fadeaway move but they all boil down to the inability to man up.
Slim's got the fever!
March 29th, 2012
9:19 am
Rick after reading your post, I got a strong urge to go horseback riding on the beach with the wind blowing in my hair and sand in between my toes.
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
9:30 am
**Imagine dating someone for a couple of weeks and believing things were progressing to something serious…** <<<<<<<<< This has happen to me and I just follow the rules of the game of dating. cease all communication ponder it, talk about it for a few to a close friend and keep it moving gracefully. Less is always more and I will venture out to say there were clues and red flags leading up to the going both ways. I am a firm believer the writing is written on the wall. Now if one needs to truly work on themselves and not jump to a new fling I encourage that. No one may not be the blame for every disconnection but a self evaluation would help to determine what path the person is truly seeking. Laws of attraction is real as well and if you keep attracting 2 week flings then I would focus more on me and not them as to why. You only have the power to deal with YOU~
Tired Out
March 29th, 2012
9:31 am
Actually, I just recently went through this. I thought things were getting serious. We were spending lots of time together, in groups, alone, going places…and then she just disappeared. I know she’s still around, because we have mutual friends, but she just stopped talking to me…and didn’t explain why. It’s been about four months since she stopped, and yeah sometimes it still bugs me, but for the most part I’ve moved on. The biggest part that irks me, as you wrote in the article, is the lack of explanation.
LL411
March 29th, 2012
9:31 am
Lucinda… right you are. It wasn’t that serious , couldn’t be we just met LOL!
lucinda
March 29th, 2012
9:37 am
amen Lady, amen. After two or three or four losers, one might take a long hard look in the mirror. That’s not easy to do, but it is so necessary. I have a wonderful friend who keeps finding inappropriate dates, and its mostly because she sees herself in a certain way, and so sets her sites way too low. I also know others who think they deserve something way over their head, but don’t bring the right stuff to the table. Gotta know who you are and where you fit.
I’ll step off soapbox now.
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
9:41 am
lucinda
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
9:47 am
Good morning.
Why is it so hard to let someone know they are not the one? – I would imagine most want to spare someone hurt feelings so a disappearing act is emotionally safer yet mentally dibilitating.
If you knew the reason you were dumped, do you think it would be helpful to know? – I often wondered this so a year or so ago I did ask. The reason he gave me for not wanting to go further is because I reminded him of his last gf who he felt was a cold, bitter, beyotch. Yep, that’s what he told me. I laughed, thanked him for his honesty, and laughed again. NEXT….
When meeting new people and going out a few times then all lines of communication cease, I just chalk it up to we are not compatible and I’m not his cup of tea. For the most part, an explanation is not needed because when communication has stopped, you have your answer. NEXT…
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
9:48 am
unrealistic expectations and low self esteem will get the same results and the insanity definition can come into play~
Tired Out
March 29th, 2012
9:51 am
Leggs – Good point about having your answer when communication has stopped, although I would add a caveat to that. In my case, mentioned above at 9:31, the lady I was with had been one of my friends for a few years. We weren’t best friends, nor were we barely friends. We met through mutual friends and, after some time actually started dating. If it’s someone you just met and they stop talking, then yeah, chalk it up to incompatibility. But if it’s someone you’ve known for a while, I would say that a basic explanation is not out of the realm of understanding.
disco
March 29th, 2012
9:56 am
tired out – that’s my thing too. not that I feel I’m “owed” an explanation so much as I think it’s the decent thing to do. I think just plain falling off the face of the earth is cowardly and since I’m a “talk about it, be about it” kind of girl I can’t really get with that.
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
9:57 am
@Tired Out I so feel your scenario!!!! been there done that with a former and an explanation never came but when he saw me out a year later he wanted to pick up s if nothing changed. The nerve of some folks but folks only do what you allow. No communication suffice now without again no explanation because it is greatly understood~
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
9:58 am
Morning lovelies,
Off topic: I’ve been doing it this morning
Finished watching a movie, took a bath, kid off to school (or car pool I should say), filled tank (80.38…ugh) returned movie and dropped clothes off at cleaners…..all by 8:24 a.m. No particular reason for sharing that…just wanted to 
On topic: I cannot relate to someone pulling the disappearing act…seriously. I can though relate to dragging of the feet and probably eventually the fade away. Me though? If I see the handwriting on the wall, I’m asking. Period. Point blank. I’m not waiting, hoping or praying for a favorable outcome…lol I have VERY little patient for bullcrappery and will pull your coat tail. It’s not even a matter of beating you to the punch or anything of the sort. My time is precious and I don’t take too kind to wasting it. Don’t start with me something you can’t finish or don’t intend to finish. Don’t start with me something where you’re not sure going in. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean you have to know all the answers but you know whether or not you’re willing. If you are crossed with “what to do what to do”, talk to me. But tettering, not sure, too many in the line-up IMO are all things that can lead to the disappearing act.
If it’s a case where after a couple of dates we just didn’t get a backbone and say that.
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
10:01 am
Hey C!~ I can’t wait to Monday coming to do what you did this morning absolutely what I wan to do without accountability! lol Give us free~
Exiled!
March 29th, 2012
10:02 am
I ain’t telling if the sex was bad!
Hey uall!!!!
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
10:02 am
Hey there Lady….
It is Monday or Tuesday? April 3rd is Tuesday. I’m excited!! I’m gonna send links today
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
10:03 am
It is Tuesday for us but Spring Break starts Monday and that is what I was reference just being off work for a week! yay!
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
10:04 am
Hey Ex!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMBAO @ U dude!
They are just not that into you
March 29th, 2012
10:06 am
Get over it and move on…and when you do move on, don’t assume that something is wrong with you. I’m not saying don’t reflect, but don’t assume the negative about yourself either. jmo
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
10:09 am
great post @TAJNTIY I so agree reflect and move on. I had to learn that process too that I was just fine and they just wasn’t interested and that is OK.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
10:09 am
Gotcha Lady….I’m excited too
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
10:13 am
I’m not one to do a lot of whoa is me, self reflecting, what did I do wrong, how could I have done better….I’m not and I just don’t. If you disappear you’re a buster point blank. Nowhere I need to reflect until you fix that one thing about yourself…lol
Now, if you said to me, hey baby it’s not going to work out because of such and such (things I might be doing to cause detriment), then I can take that into stride and with a grain of salt and will reflect at minimum…depending on the dude. If you’re standup yep, I’m going to dig into where I can be better, if you full of crap then don’t tell me about myself. And again, if you’re a buster and you disappear then definitely not!
Okay I’m sounding like strong black coffee this morning but really I’m good
disco
March 29th, 2012
10:13 am
lady/just not into you – I’m sure some think it’s all about them and what they did wrong but I’m not that chick. I tend to think the buster wasn’t paying attention on the day they taught manhood training and thus I ultimately dodged a bullet. (of course, I’m not fronting that the hood me doesn’t fantasize about throwing a brick at a windshield or something…)
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
10:15 am
disco disco disco – we are aligned this morning
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
10:15 am
We even both pegged a disappearing dude as a “BUSTER” What a coinkidink…lol
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
10:17 am
@Tired Out ~ in the case you presented, she was wrong. For a friend of a substantial amount of years to all of a sudden stop speaking and lose all contact is hurtful. Only natural to be plagued with “what happened,” “what went wrong,” or “what did I do.” More often than not, it’s probably nothing you did, just that they are corwardly and suspect in what they are doing behind your back. A punk is a punk, male and female.
They are just not that into you
March 29th, 2012
10:18 am
@Celisea- an unexamined experience was’nt worth having in the first place. I’m not saying whoa is me relecting…I’m saying take note.
They are just not that into you
March 29th, 2012
10:18 am
“reflecting”
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
10:19 am
I hear Disco~
disco
March 29th, 2012
10:20 am
C – I have a friend who uses the word buster so much that it just rubbed off on me. you know you take on the mannerisms/speech patterns of folks around you. my son says “whatnot” all the time and I find myself saying it too. ex used to say “chaps” when referring to his grandchildren and now chaps has entered my vocabulary.
leggs – a punk is a punk took me to mr. ed’s a horse is a horse
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
10:21 am
meant I hear ya disco
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
10:21 am
disco – True. I started using “good Lawd” when living with my kid’s dad. Next thing I know, cousins are saying it, picking it up from me. I just like the word buster and joker when talking about losers…lol
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
10:21 am
of course, of course Disco!!!!!!!!!!! LOL I loved watching Mr. Ed!!!!!
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
10:23 am
Buster is a 90’s term if you will lol but it has been replaced with Hater currently LOL #dead
Tired Out
March 29th, 2012
10:29 am
Leggs – I agree. Unfortunately, I have this naivete about me that I think others will handle situations as I do. I know, it’s naive. One of my friends from out of state asked me last week how she was and I told him that she and I had not spoken for months. I explained the situation and he said, “Maybe you just have to own up to the fact that she’s selfish and immature.” And he’s right. To just willingly put down a friendship like that seems pretty darn immature to me.
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
10:34 am
I had this happen recently with a friend. We were always talking, IM’ing, texting, and then one day GHOST. I tried to call a couple of times and it was “Oh, I’m really busy with work. I’ll call you later.” but later never came. It was hurtful, but I reflected on the good and positive things I learned from him, sent him a text saying thanks for the season he spent in my life and the happiness he brought. Then I closed that chapter and kept it moving.
disco
March 29th, 2012
10:37 am
C – I’ve got a friend who plays “joker” out but that one never stuck with me. I do find myself saying “ninja” from time to time. my mother is fond of saying “that’s the ticket” when something is good to her.
lady – re 90s terms. how come my son said someone was “sweating himj” the other day. I bust out laughing.
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
10:38 am
have you ever been placed into friends zone in the middle of a first date or outing if you will or the 1st time you two went out?!? That happened to me. Never got a call back or a second date. I didn’t dwell on it not one bit. It was eye opening that it can happen and my feelings were not hurt I was just like wow I am not his type and sorta felt that going on the outing but went anyway.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
10:38 am
disco – Funny how words catch
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
10:38 am
LOL disco! LOL that is an old one!
kimmie
March 29th, 2012
10:39 am
Morning All!
Yeah, disappearing act is a cowardly move. I must admit I’ve done it in the past, the early years. I would just not return calls or be really unavailable and hope they took the hint. It was never anyone I had been seeing awhile though. Usually just someone I had been on a few dates with, nobody I had gotten intimate with or anything. I’ve had guys do it to me, so I really couldn’t get mad UNLESS we had “gone there”. Then yeah, punk move. At least have the balls to say “hey, it’s just not working out”. I never pulled that stunt.
But I am the type that once I see the handwriting on the wall, I’m gone. I really don’t care what your reason is, bottom line you don’t want me. Closure really not necessary. But PLEASE don’t try to make a comeback – you will get your feelings hurt!LOL!!
I’ve always been arrogant enough to think it couldn’t possibly be anything I was doing wrong!LOL!! I hate it when folks do that to themselves. Unless it’s something glaringly obvious that you need to work on, accept that you are not going to be everyone’s cup of tea! Don’t allow the fact that someone didn’t choose you to bring you down. That’s true high self-esteem in my book!!
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
10:39 am
@disco and Cely: I will use “Buster Brown” in a minute! I like joker, too.
Hey, Ex! Long time, no see.
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
10:40 am
and the person I speak of we are good friends. I didn’t even hold it against him that he just wasn’t interested in me.
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
10:43 am
ITL joker does rock honey! LOL
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
10:44 am
so amusing~
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
10:44 am
@disco ~ you must admit that sometimes it is about you and that particular person didn’t care for you. No doubt, he wasn’t the one for you, cuz the right one is still trying to find you but on the other side of the coin, you weren’t the one for him either. Not YOU per se, any woman in that boat.
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
10:45 am
(waving) Hey Lady!!! Did your dress get here yet? Did you find some shoes? Inquiring minds wanna know….
disco
March 29th, 2012
10:47 am
leggs – definitely. I get that. I’m perfectly capable of accepting that I’m not the one. I just don’t respect the disappearing act. say I’m not the one. say my hair is too nappy or not nappy enough. say my feet are too big or too small. say I talk too much or not enough. or don’t call me out on anything – just say I’m not feeling you with no explanation. I just ask that you say something before you go slinking off to hide under a rock.
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
10:47 am
ITL you were sooooo correct! my butt or breast couldn’t do anything with the 55 inches of that dress! Dead it was dragging like a train of a wedding dress. I sent it back ups and got a nice top. I am going to email you the top so you can locate some shoes. the top will suffice for cinco de may festivities it is sunburst orange. that dress was toooooo much material plus i went a size down with this company which is a good thing. Thanks for checking in sis!
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
10:48 am
@Tired Out ~ there you have it. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve known this woman. Her character is less than admirable and she apparently didn’t value you nor the friendship. To handle it the way she did definitely speaks of immaturity. Stop wondering, and skip to the next with a smile on your face and in your heart.
@disco ~ I thought they still said “sweating me?” It would be different if someone said “why you jocking me!”
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
10:52 am
Hey ITL….buster brown fits nicely
Slim's got the fever!
March 29th, 2012
10:56 am
I am guilty of obssesively using the term “WACK” and will even add “Wiggety” to it if it’s that much more WACK…the beau and I probably need a treatment center for how much we use it.
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
10:57 am
lol slim!!!!!
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
10:59 am
My coworker calls everybody here (just about) wacked…lol And in turn I should say bite me is excessively used. If I’m way hot, it’s gonna be kiss my ass.
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
11:00 am
I use “bite me” which always cracks me up and WTF’ever!
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
11:01 am
C!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I so want to say that later more often to some but the right day and time it is going to happen! I am patient~ lol
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
11:02 am
@Lady: I’ll check it out! Thanks!
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
11:02 am
but i silently give them my azz too so they really get the drift sometimes words aren’t need actions prevail~
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
11:02 am
Lady…lol Get it said girl. No I’m kidding. Practicing decorum is always best and first. I tell you though, I am one impatient sister and kiss my ass will come up REEEEAL QUICK…lol
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
11:03 am
meant to kiss that is! C you get me lol
disco
March 29th, 2012
11:06 am
slim – wiggety wack – HILARIOUS.
leggs – I haven’t heard sweating or jocking in a minute. if we keep this convo up they’ll bring back “laying pipe”.
and since we are on words – one word that just irks me is awesome. outside of church (saying God is an awesome God), I can’t stand to hear the word awesome.
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
11:06 am
I use “craptastic”.
@Slim: Wiggity Wack makes me giggle!
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
11:07 am
C it is coming I was trying to wait to May but it is coming before then! wow! lol just pray a punch doesn’t follow boy some people! lol
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
11:07 am
Bullcrappery is another fave of mine
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
11:09 am
Lady – Don’t hurt ‘em…lol
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
11:10 am
Good grief, laying pipe is old as hell.
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
11:11 am
HA! Laying pipe.
We still use “getting your oil changed”
disco
March 29th, 2012
11:15 am
well speaking of old as heck – do young cats still talk about “popping cherries”?
O/T (not that we aren’t already off topic but) are any of the serial killer folks here? I finally watched my documentary on serial killers and have to admit I am totally enthralled with H.H. Holmes.
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
11:15 am
@disco ~ I despise the word “awesome.” It is THE most overused word in America. Everything is freaking awesome. When I was a representative for Melaluca, they used that word ad nauseum. That word is used as often as new police officers use the word “ascertain.”
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
11:16 am
thanks ITL!!!!!!!!!!!
C I won’t trust but the thought is there!
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
11:18 am
Lady – Girl just say woo sah woo sah if you feel it’s getting dangerously close…lol
Slim's got the fever!
March 29th, 2012
11:20 am
Didn’t Martin Lawrence start the Woo Sah movement?? Memory is cloudy
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
11:21 am
Slim – Yes…in BB II….
kimmie
March 29th, 2012
11:23 am
Leggs – I can’t stand “awesome” either. I also think “amazing” is overused as well.
I cannot stand it when people say “like” every other word! The Kardashians do it alot!LOL!! It’s so, like they said in the 80’s “valley girl”.
“It is what it is”, “At the end of the day”, other phrases I can’t stand.
I use “whatever” all the time, I must admit!
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
11:24 am
@disco: I saw a documentary on him. It was fascinating!!
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
11:26 am
laying pipe is classic
yeah I over use amazing and dead but i love it for my random context. I blame social media
disco
March 29th, 2012
11:29 am
ITL – fascinating isn’t enough. I hate to say it about a serial killer but that man was an innovator.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
11:32 am
On topic…quick story
Dated Derrick. Nice guy (so I thought), had his own spot, on his own early, seemingly doing his thing… He had no problem pursuing, picking me up, paying for dates, etc….doing what men do or what happens in the world of dating
Well, me (at the time), was VERY young say 19/20ish, “inexperienced”, green, so forth and so on. Stepped outside of my (then) box and took him up on his invitation to visit his spot. I get there and wine is poured, Chante Moore is playing and he’s making his move. Well being the inexperienced fraidy cat I was at the time, I scaddaddled…lol
Didn’t hear from him for a couple of days and I asked him what was up. He said he didn’t like having to “conform” to my style of “relating”…ummm okay annnnnnnd see ya.
Now did I sit and ponder over what I could have done differently? Heck no. Nothing but one thing I could have done in that scenario and that wasn’t happening. So that’s what I mean about I’m not self examining when you reason for stepping away or to the side is not REALLY something that’s causing detriment.
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
11:33 am
What channel is this serial killer documentary on? I love, love true crime investigations.
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
11:35 am
Celisea ~ in that case no need to ponder. You stuck to your guns and kept your skirt on. I think most are saying when things are going well, probably already had sex, conversation, laughter and good wishes the night before only for the sun to rise, Kaput, he’s or she has vanished.
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
11:37 am
good assessment leggs~
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
11:37 am
Leggs – It was going well….until that point…lol He was doing it all and VERY much operated in gentlmenly behavior. The point I was making was when I asked after he started pulling back was he didn’t say you didn’t give it up, he said he didn’t want to “conform” to my way. I didn’t ask him to conform. Heck had he not pulled back, he might have got some.
disco
March 29th, 2012
11:37 am
leggs – I’m referring to a dvd I bought at barnes and noble recently for $5. it’s about 7.5 hours showcasing america’s serial killers. (that’s also the title. I think it’s on their website for $10).
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
11:39 am
And had I not been the strong young lady my mama raised me to be, I might would have pondered and let it get to me mentally. I don’t think it’s that far removed from today’s scenarios. Many have said they went out a couple of times and folks dropped off. I don’t really see someone disappearing where things are going well. Most time folks disappear early on. Not all but most.
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
11:43 am
Ok, got you on the word “conform.”
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
11:44 am
Gotcha, disco.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
11:45 am
I did panick though when he started putting the moves on me…lol I was butt cheeks and elbows out of there! lol
disco
March 29th, 2012
11:45 am
I don’t know that I’d consider it the same C. if for no other reason than it’s obvious this dude was going to dip because he didn’t get any when he was expecting to get it. that’s about par for the course. I’m sure lots of young girls/grown women have countless tales of dudes who got ghost when they didn’t get any.
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
11:47 am
I’m sure lots of young girls/grown women have countless tales of dudes who got ghost when they didn’t get any.
….or after they did.
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
11:48 am
I’m hawngry. Yeah, I said hawngry, bc we have moved past hungry. What sounds good for lunch?
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
11:48 am
Well disco, wasn’t gonna be any of that….especially at THAT time. I was guarding the goodies…lol
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
11:49 am
I will certainly pay a personal shopper if my disposal income grew a tad bit more! until then I have ITL and she is an AWESOME shopper! thanks chica!
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
11:51 am
I’d much rather be on the front end of that….go one and get gone, yeen get nothing from me. I could be wrong but buddy was really not like that. He was cool but I think as it is with most men today, many won’t stick around without intimacy…after some time. We hung out a good minute. So no, I don’t think he was in it solely for that. I just think as men have said here a gazillion times, no sex…they’re out. It was more like that. He didn’t drop off and in presto gone. He started pulling away. Anyway that was eons ago and we’ve since talked (not recently) but pretty cool since then.
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
11:51 am
I had a two pice dark from publix ITL they have good chicken and Ia m a sucka for fried chicken! LOL #dead (no remarks please lol)
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
11:52 am
Awwwww….thanks, Lady!
@Leggs: I think I saw that documentary on Investigation Discovery or the History Channel…
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
11:52 am
piece
ok blb folks
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
11:52 am
Lady – I’m going to pick me up something nice for our outing
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
11:52 am
bbl wow
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
11:53 am
i will be looking for a top C~ with your eyes it will be on it and a nice deal! yay
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
11:53 am
Okaaaay…I gotta get something for the other 10 pounds I’m carrying…gheesh
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
11:53 am
Mmmm, fried chicken. That sounds good! With some potato salad.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
11:55 am
I’m gonna walk for lunch. I’m gonna head up town.
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
12:00 pm
@Lady, did you have any of their sides. I usually pick up the orange glaze for lil leggs, but never had their sides.
BTW, did you guys know you can go to the counter and get a sample of whatever piece of chicken you want? If with children, the adult has to ask for it. It has helped on those days I popped in after work and needed a morsel of something in my belly before heading home to cook.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
12:01 pm
Leggs – My kid wears that out. I’m embarrassed…lol She’ll ask if she can “sample” when she’s had it a gazillion times. She does it when she’s hungy. I walk away…lol
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
12:03 pm
@Leggs: I like it when they are doing a demo of the Apron meals. They give you a sample of the entree and side(s). It’s just enough to tide you over so that you don’t buy out the whole store. LOL ITL’s Life Lesson #331: NEVER go grocery shopping when hungry.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
12:05 pm
ITL – I always get samples from the Apron meals…I didnt’ like what they served last night.
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
12:06 pm
What was it, Cely?
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
12:10 pm
The best meal I’ve cooked from the Apron Meals is their White Bean Turkey Chili…makes me want to slap myself it’s so damn good!!
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
12:12 pm
ITL – It was scallops, corn, bacon, onions all blended…yuck
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
12:13 pm
I’ve had quite a few favorites….can’t remember. All I know it was pretty good.
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
12:15 pm
I love scallops! I might have to look at the recipe and see if I can tweak it to make it better.
LOL@Leggs. That reminds me of David on QVC – he says, “It’s so good it makes your tongue wanna slap your brains out!” Gets me laughing every time!!
Okay, I’m leaving in search of lunch. Back later, taters.
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
12:19 pm
On Topic – Some people don’t deserve to know why they got dumped. Reflection can usually answer their own questions (lol).
Like Diana Ross’s song “Reflections”
Reflection of the way life used to be
Reflections of
The love you took from ….
Willie Dynamite
March 29th, 2012
12:59 pm
Afternoon All,
On Topic- I don’t think anyone DESERVES to know why unless you were in a committed relationship. Sure it probably is the right and decent thing to do if you are dating. I just don’t think a few dates or outings together mean an exit interview is needed. Take it as you dodged a bullet. The person is just not feeling you like that. To me that is part of dating. I don’t think (most) Men do that kind of reflecting. Contrary to popular opinion Women tend to be much more cutthroat at this than Men. A man will pull back or fadeaway but a chick will just get ghost on you in a heartbeat. Most men are use to that and just move along hoping for a return visit. We don’t need closure because rejection has been drilled into us since b4 puberty unless of course our heart is in it then that’s a whole nother topic.
czBrat
March 29th, 2012
1:24 pm
HiYas!
stayed up til 2am; slept til noon; now ready to kick of a long, lovely weekend of checking out itp hoods until i decide where i’m gonna settle down.
Imagine dating someone for a couple of weeks and believing things were progressing to something serious, then the person up and disappears.
i’ve bailed on dudes a couple years in, once things started getting too serious. you know, like one step removed from a runaway bride. but i’ve never pulled a total casper move on someone i’ve spent any kind of time with.
although there was that one guy that i completely avoided after one dinner date. in my defense, i told him up front that i wasn’t interested. he insisted an evening out with him would change my mind. it didn’t.
and i saw no reason to reiterate nor further explain my lack of interest thereafter.
Enemas for Easter
March 29th, 2012
1:25 pm
I dumped her and said nothing because my wife came back form her 2 week visit to her parents.
Jelly Sandwich Meat
March 29th, 2012
1:34 pm
This happened to me once. Things were going great. We had been going out for about 3 months. Not one disagreement, fight or angst. We had progressed to the intimate stage as well. Suddenly, she would not return calls, e mails or text messages. After a month, I called one more time and her sister answered the phone. Turns out she was assaulted after work and was beaten so badly, she was brain dead. It was a coworker who did it as there were witnesses. I felt so much better it was not because of something I did.
Slim's got the fever!
March 29th, 2012
1:36 pm
I’m so full I could throw up right about now…employee cookout Delish!
Willie Dynamite
March 29th, 2012
1:37 pm
Kimmie/Cel – came home late last night and another 3 bags full of new isht. Told Wifey her azz gon havta get on the pole or sumthin. My lil discretionary funds getting assaulted. At least get the ol man some socks or T-shirts.
kimmie
March 29th, 2012
1:41 pm
Willie – LOL!!! Come on, she’s gotta look good for the trip!! See I kinda gets away with it cause I buy the kiddies stuff all the time!LOL!!
kimmie
March 29th, 2012
1:42 pm
Having some yummy veggie pizza from this little organic pizza place around the corner! I don’t feel so guilty eating it!
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
1:43 pm
@kimmie: How did Little Miss like her sandals?!?
kimmie
March 29th, 2012
1:47 pm
Light – Oh my goodness, she lost her mind and loved them like I thought! They really match a sundress she has beautifully! She’s such a little fashionista!! I am creating a monster!!LOL!!
Willie Dynamite
March 29th, 2012
1:53 pm
Kimmie- you laffing but I’m like dayum man. The latest catchphrase in my house now is “Daddy look” while holding up something. My dumbazz aint even looking at the outfit. I’m doing the Matrix trying to look at the price-tags swaying. Hahaha
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
1:53 pm
WillieD – LOLOL….indeed a woman after mine own heart. And I might be mistaken but I thought there was a blurb or some sort in the contract that states what’s yours is hers and what’s
yourshers is hersCelisea
March 29th, 2012
1:54 pm
WillieD – I’m doing the Matrix trying to look at the price-tags swaying.
That’s funny….lol
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
2:01 pm
YAY! I’m so glad she liked them. She’s gonna strut!
Strut…do people say that anymore?!??
WillieD – I’m getting ready to go on vacation, too…. Daddy.
kimmie
March 29th, 2012
2:04 pm
The Matrix, now that is funny!!LOL!!
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
2:07 pm
Strut – yep, its still said!
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
2:12 pm
What’s that song? Strut, pout, cut it out….. Sheena Easton?!
Sorry, WillieD. Couldn’t resist.
i'm swiss
March 29th, 2012
2:15 pm
“Strut, pout, cut it out….”
Oooohhhhh… See, I always thought she was saying, “Strut, pout, put it out…” Then again, I’ve always been a bit of a horn-dog.
Willie Dynamite
March 29th, 2012
2:16 pm
Kimmie/Cel- see yall think I’m just making jokes. I swear to God this morn at 6am my 2 almost 3 year old wakes up and starts going thru the bags telling me “Daddy wash your hands don’t mess up my stuff”. The 10 year old likes to poop tags and keep in her purse “just cause” as she says. I’m putting bail money up right now. Whenever I meet the owner of that shop ‘Justice’ I’m gonna punch em right in the mouth.
ITL- Daddy hunh. Alright now, You just looking at the highlights. Its a lotta practice and behind the scenes work sweat and tears b4 you make the team. I give open tryouts every other Tuesday eve. Hahaha
Slim's got the fever!
March 29th, 2012
2:17 pm
Off the off topic – I really have a strong disdain for folks who act like they know every damn thing! You can’t ever ask a question directed at someone nearby without them throwing in their two cent, always jumping in an A & B converstation (yeah I took it there) and doing some much brown nosing you’d think their parents were hound dogs!! WOOOOOOO muthasuckin SAHHHH!
i'm swiss
March 29th, 2012
2:18 pm
Oh wait… I was right:
http://www.lyricstime.com/sheena-easton-strut-lyrics.html
Guess Sheena is a freak, too.
i'm swiss
March 29th, 2012
2:21 pm
Of course, technically, we were both right, put I prefer to focus on the “put it out” part.
i'm swiss
March 29th, 2012
2:21 pm
*but I prefer…
Willie Dynamite
March 29th, 2012
2:24 pm
Swiss- my bad man. I didn’t know you were in the building. My comments to ITL was just jokes. No disrespect intended. IJS tho. Hahaha
i'm swiss
March 29th, 2012
2:25 pm
Willie D — No worries, man. All’s fair in recruiting.
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
2:26 pm
You beat me to it, Swiss. Why am I not surprised that you would focus on the put it out???
disco
March 29th, 2012
2:26 pm
ITL – at strut I used to think of some little childhood rhyme “strut miss suzy”.
i'm swiss
March 29th, 2012
2:27 pm
ITL — You, however, have been a very naughty girl. Now, come here & bend over my knee…
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
2:28 pm
poppin’ back in
what’s shakin’?!?
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
2:30 pm
Slim me too and to them they don’t know every effin thing but swear out they do an dgonna make sure you know! Its a insecurity to me bc they try too hard! #POW! LOL
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
2:32 pm
Leggs I had okra and tomatoes with rice as my side and it was yummy!
ITL I love potato salad but none today~ Had potato salad the other day with some ribs from Ms Betty’s it was yummy! LOL
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
2:32 pm
@Swiss: I’ll bring you the paddle you like…you know the one with the little fringe-y things on the end?
LOL@disco. Now I’m thinking about Miss Mary Mack (mack mack) All dressed in black (black black)
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
2:33 pm
WillieD – You okay?? I have brown paper bags if you need any…lol I say your two little ladies are falling in line just perfectly
That’s right daddy, wash your hands…lol BTW, vacation sundresses automatically comes with flip flops, floppy hats and sunglasses. Just want you to brace yourself it might not be over yet…lol
ITL – If anyone mention poles at tryouts, you might wanna take a pass.
ITL – Let’s just hope WillieD’s tryouts won’t include poles.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
2:35 pm
Lady – Where did you get ribs the other day?
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
2:36 pm
Oh no, Lady, don’t say “popping back in…”
5, 4 , 3, 2, 1…
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
2:36 pm
@Willie D: You better listen to Cely, she’s telling you right about the accessories. And about these tryouts….what if I don’t want to be on the team, per se, I just want an allowance?
@Cely: Oh, lawd….a friend of mine had one in her basement for “workouts”…those things are no joke!
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
2:37 pm
@Lady: Speaking of okra and tomatoes, it’s almost time for ITL to put on her overalls and get to plantin’…
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
2:38 pm
Ms Betty’s House of Ribs off Bouldercrest East Atlanta a straigh hole in the wall and her food is slammin’ and she is fixing your plate just as sweet as she can be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reminds me of Ms Ann’s Hamburger shack they look to be the same age too but Ms Betty ain’t fussin like Ms Ann lol
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
2:39 pm
share your produce ITL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
love veggies and sesonal veggies rock!
Slim's got the fever!
March 29th, 2012
2:39 pm
Lady – It really is getting to be unbearable and I’d hate to let her have it. HUMBLE YOURSELF I SAY!
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
2:40 pm
ITL how bout a potato sack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! smdh gots to be more careful LOL
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
2:41 pm
ITL – I know right…I have a friend that took classes from Poleatez (or however you spell it) and she LOVES it.
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
2:42 pm
Slim the dear person I want to punch and say kiss my azz is that person who knows it all and just gets on my damn nerves! May can’t get here fast enough. I am very flexible but I ain’t never seen the likes of her. if we was in college and she was my roommate ir would be ugly that’s all
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
2:42 pm
@Celisea ~ of course it’s not over, wear are the new bathing suits???
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
2:42 pm
Thanks Lady
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
2:43 pm
@Lady: I’ve heard about Ms. Betty. I gotta check her out.
And you know I will share!! I can’t wait for some fresh squash, okra, tomatoes….YUM!
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
2:44 pm
where are…
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
2:45 pm
ITL that is a meal within itself no meat is needed! just some sweet tea LOL
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
2:46 pm
oh maybe a cornbread fritter lol
Slim's got the fever!
March 29th, 2012
2:46 pm
Lady – If I win this lotto then you can only imagine the things that would come up out of this sweet ole mouth of mine
jkbnr
Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB
March 29th, 2012
2:47 pm
what is happening in here today? how ya’ll doing? Head Nod MLB, blog roses to the ladies.
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
2:48 pm
Girl, I made some cornbread fritters the other night that were so good I wanted to kiss myself. I’d put some beans in the crockpot with a hambone and some onion…. Lawd have mercy. I was in a little bit of country heaven.
Speaking of country (bluegrass) R.I.P. Earl Scruggs.
Light
March 29th, 2012
2:50 pm
I believe in most situations if someone does a fadeaway or disappearing act, it’s more them than the person they left without explanation. It could be they are hiding something, an ex came back into their life, they weren’t ready for the feelings they were getting, or they met someone else. It would be decent and courteous to let the person know that its not going to work, but I agree with a post earlier that folks should never take it personal because being left probably wasn’t about them anyway. And most grown folks know what they need to work on for a healthy relationship so whether that is the reason or not, it’s still a cowardly way to handle thins.
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
2:51 pm
SLim I don’t play the lotto so I will never win sadly lol smh so that means poor and all she got a cussin’ out coming!
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
2:51 pm
WTH?!?!?!??!
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
2:51 pm
hey Jake!
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
2:52 pm
lololol too funny ITL!~
Into the Light
March 29th, 2012
2:53 pm
Dang, somebody stole part of my moniker. I mean, good post and all, Light, but dang. You couldn’t have picked another name?!?!?
Lady~
March 29th, 2012
2:54 pm
Okay good people! until in the morning be easy! ~peace
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
2:54 pm
What’s even funnier, is two people who don’t play the lottery stopped at my desk and gave me their possible winning numbers to play for them. Now, that’s straight up hypocrisy.
Fion
March 29th, 2012
2:55 pm
Aye man, I wanna ask y’alls opinion on something. I have a buddy who has a girlfriend of a 1.5 or so. She wrecked her car,
I think she blew the engine. Anywho, he’s been letting use one of his spare cars and he’s thinking of helping her buy a car.
He asked my opinion and I said no. He asked me why I thought that and I said:
1. She did’nt ask you for that help
2. You said she’s got financial problems.
3. You know that just ain’t my thang.
What do you guys think??? Should he help her buy a car or should he buy it out right?
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
2:55 pm
Hey Light, are you kin to Into The Light???
Velonese
March 29th, 2012
2:57 pm
Haven’t had that problem yet, all the ladies that I have dated have had the nads to tell me why, which is appreciated. And I have done the same when I break up with them, but you know some people like making things hard or the person they are dating is crazy so I guess that’s why some don’t say anything.
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
2:58 pm
First and foremost #!
He’s being overly kind, but if there aren’t any, any, ANY strings attached and he’s in position to do so, then do so. The blessing will come back to him.
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
3:00 pm
That would be first and foremost = #1
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
3:02 pm
I say he can go two ways…help her out and draw up a contract for when/how she’ll repay. If she truly need the help, she’ll be willing to give him back his money. I see nothing wrong with making it legally clear and termed that he wants it back.
or
He can do it out of the kindness of his heart.
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
3:05 pm
I’m with Cely. Make sure it’s WELL understood if it’s a gift or a loan, and that BOTH parties buy into the terms. Personally, I think it’s asking for trouble, but that’s just me.
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
3:06 pm
Funny, Celisea cuz I only looked at your #2. Like I said, unless she asked for help him drawing up a contract may put her in further financial constraints.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
3:06 pm
And why was my comment awaiting moderation??
Willie Dynamite
March 29th, 2012
3:06 pm
Swiss – cool, I really wanna sit and have a brew with you man. Let’s make it happen.
Cel- them bgs are chok full of stuff. Accessories my azz. I’m sick of seeing eeceipts.
Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB
March 29th, 2012
3:07 pm
Fion- he is sharing enough buy letting her use the spare, if he feelin the need to do all that he may as well pick up a ring while he’s at it, cause she definitely aint going nowhere, and if she does, he going to feel used and abused
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
3:10 pm
ITL – I think doing “stuff” for friends may not be good but if this is his girl, either he’s gonna pick her up daily or help her out. Not that he’s obligated but can you see her riding the bus daily and him driving? Or him having the burden of toting (yes toting) her around and getting worn out by that. Then too it’s gonna have them together EVERDAY…lol
Personally, I wouldn’t do unless under legal terms.
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
3:10 pm
“…and if she does, he going to feel used and abused” – that’s why it needs to be made clear in his mind that there are no strings attached. She may not stay around.
Light
March 29th, 2012
3:11 pm
Hi Into the Light. I posted without reading all of the posts because of the topic so didn’t see the moniker. It’s the one that I always use when posting so if I post here again, I’ll use a different name to prevent any confusion. But I like your moniker.
Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB
March 29th, 2012
3:16 pm
Leggs, he has practically given her a ride already, this is a tricky situation, it appears that he is all in, or maybe he just doing what he do, but i am not buying a car for anyone by happenstance.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
3:16 pm
Awwwww look at Willie and Swiss about to do a meet and greet
WillieD – LOL…accesorize accessorize accessorize. Every woman on here can attest that vacay sundressess comes with accesories. Once y’all are on the sunny beaches of whatever country you’re vacationing, you’ll breath a sigh of relief in becoming agreeable with those receipts and it will all be worth it
So I’m wrong about the help HIS WOMAN OUT issue?
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
3:27 pm
@Cely: I see your point, but I think Firehose’sFion’s friend must have some misgivings about the situation, or he wouldn’t be asking for advice. I’m wondering, too, if they are exclusive/committed.
@Fion: I’m curious what you mean by “financial” problems. Does that mean a rough spot like with a job or is she a poor money manager??
@Light: Thanks!
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
3:28 pm
I guess so..
Too, I’ve had someone to give me money for a car and held it until I matched what he had. On top of that when he couldn’t take me car shopping, he called one of his boys to go because he wanted to make sure I had something nice but reasonable.
He volunteered.
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
3:29 pm
@Willie D: to quote Steel Magnolias: “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize!”
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
3:30 pm
ITL – True. I gathered he was a bit hesitant or you’re right, he would not have asked for advice. But I also think he’s probably close to her and her situation so he knows she’s probably in dire need. The other think I’m looking at is it’s his girl of 1.5 years. I would wonder though if knowing or being with her almost 2 years, I would think you’d be sure this is something you can do and your ROI (be it money paid back, eventually marrying, etc). I there with you on your point….even though his girl, he’s not sure.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
3:32 pm
and not or
i'm swiss
March 29th, 2012
3:39 pm
Willie D — I’ve always got time for brews & bros. What part of town are you in?
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
3:44 pm
Awwww…..
Lady and Celisea doing a meet and greet.
Swiss and Willie D doing a meet and greet.
We are a social bunch!!!
Willie Dynamite
March 29th, 2012
3:52 pm
Fion – my take jus from what you posted. Buddy already a Sponsor. It might be his girl but dayum bruh ytou aleady let her use the whip. He better get this chick under contract or cut the ties. He aleeady at the crossroadsnow. He can’t go backwards (sponsor). Like the ladies say. He playing hubby so what he asking advice for now?
Swiss – Eastside of town but I’m all over the Atl. I’ll check with you in. Few wks and we’ll make it happen.
Fion
March 29th, 2012
3:54 pm
Sorry guys I got pulled into a meeting. haven’t read every thing, but I agree with ITL, he’s asking for trouble.
Only in the A
March 29th, 2012
3:55 pm
They cut off communication because they are married or in a relationship and the significant other found out. So they gotta keep peace in their home so they drop you.
Fion
March 29th, 2012
3:58 pm
@ITL
by financial trouble, my buddy didn’t say exactly and I didn’t press, but she can’t get a loan to buy a car.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
4:00 pm
Exactly…what WillieD said (and repeated). He’s already in, getting it and loaned her the car. If I were her….at this point I would have a serious issue “riding the bus” and you have a car…just saying…at this point
Fion
March 29th, 2012
4:00 pm
@WD
That’s was my point to him. If you help her get the car, you are going to end up making payments on it. If she can’t you’ve set yourself up to step in cause you’ve already done it.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
4:02 pm
Fion – You igging me?
Fion
March 29th, 2012
4:03 pm
No, I was just trying to catch up.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
4:04 pm
I’m just messing with you…
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
4:04 pm
@Fion: Not no, but heyal no! I would not sign a car note for someone with bad credit. Sorry, but I think the track record speaks for itself.
@Cely: If I were her….at this point I would have a serious issue “riding the bus” and you have a car A car is not an entitlement or a right, it’s something you work to provide for yourself. If she can’t get a loan, something is wrong with her credit or her income or both. Unless buddy is prepared to foot the entire bill and OKAY with doing so, he better just let her keep on driving the spare.
Fion
March 29th, 2012
4:05 pm
As a women Celisea, should he Volunteer to hrlp her get the car or should he wait until he’s asked.
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
4:06 pm
As long as they sit down and discuss him helping out and assisting her to purchase a car, things can work out. But if he plans on surprising her with a car, he had better paid cash for it since she’s already in a financial bind.
disco
March 29th, 2012
4:07 pm
only in the A – life would be grand for everyone else if drama like that only happened in the A.
I was quiet on the car issue but what the heck. generally I’d say it’s a bad idea. if it were my friend, brother, cousin, son I’d be like DON’T DO IT!!!! if he still felt compelled to do it, as previously mentioned, I’d make sure he protected himself. did the promissory note thing and all that. now as a woman who was raised to use what you got if that man’s going to buy that woman a car I won’t be mad at her for taking it. if I was her friend I’d advise her to make sure it was in her name and to make sure he documented the fact that it was a “gift”. he wouldn’t be telling me who I could and couldn’t ride around in my car and he sure as heck wouldn’t be holding a car over my head acting like I owed him something. see a fool use a fool my grandma used to say and to quote TI it ain’t tricking if you got it.
Fion
March 29th, 2012
4:09 pm
@Leggs
That’s why I was tellin’ him, “man leave it alone.” No surprise or anything. I just think he’s gone beyond the call of duty letting her use his car and he’s not charging her a nickle.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
4:09 pm
ITL – You are exactly correct..it’s not an entitlement. However, reading between the lines I’m your woman and you’re reaping the benefits…ummm, I’m not getting on the bus. Period.
That’s the world I’m from.
Fion – Honestly, without knowing him I think the “man” in him hate to see her in need. I think though, if he’s going to help by volunteering it should be crystal clear and a contract drawn. Honestly all joking aside.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
4:12 pm
And if we’ve been “playing house” as earlier referenced, then keep with it.
Fion
March 29th, 2012
4:17 pm
Blog just ate my comment. I guess that’s the end of that.
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
4:18 pm
@Fion ~ I wouldn’t necessarily say he went “beyond the call of duty.” They’ve been dating for 1.5 years, I would imagine exclusively if he’s thinking about doing this, he had a spare so why not let his gf use it. All tickets, repairs should be on her.
If he wants to do this to garner a box of brownie points, that’s a diferent basket of eggs.
cba
March 29th, 2012
4:20 pm
If he can afford to buy her a car, then do it. The “helping her out” part is a joke, she’s not going to pay him back. If he has a spare car, then give it to her, title and all.
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
4:20 pm
@Celisea ~ umm, he’s reaping the benefits too. Whether you have a car or not is not your boyfriend’s responsibility. It’s your’s.
kimmie
March 29th, 2012
4:22 pm
Back from meeting
Fion – I don’t believe in getting in financial entanglements with someone that’s not a spouse. Even if they are shacking. Heck, my parents did not cosign for things for us kids. Neither did they believe in loaning. Either it was a gift outright or you didn’t get it.
I will loan friends small sums that I can afford to lose. I admire the man in your friend that wants to help his lady get reliable transportation. There could be several reasons why she’s in financial trouble that have nothing to do with being irresponsible.
Even having things drawn up nice and legal, there could still be issues if things go sour with him. I say he help her to the extent that he can afford to lose, but don’t cosign anything. Maybe loan her the money to purchase a decent used car where she won’t have formal payments.
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
4:22 pm
And, if your bf’s car totaled, and he didn’t have the necessary funds to purchase a car, would you help him not get on the bus.
Silly question, because any man worth his salt would find a hooptie, a scooter, a segway, something mobile to get back and forth.
Fion
March 29th, 2012
4:24 pm
@ Leggs
I agree. I asked him straight up, “aye man you tryin to marry this woman” he said no. That’s another reason why i said just leave it alone.
Willie Dynamite
March 29th, 2012
4:24 pm
Fion – quick ? Please please tell me that since this is your buddy that “Birds of a feather” don’t pertain. Hahaha just asking now cause I know a few chicks that’s looking for help with the bills.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
4:25 pm
And no, I’m not advocating gold digging. I handle mine and take care of mine but I would toss a side eye real quick to a dude that can’t be there for me if ever I’m in a fix.
I don’t mean put yourself out there for getting used because I’m certainly not, but I think he asked for reasons on both sides of the coin. Misgivings possibly but what if, just what if from the nature of being a man, a real man he sees a need? That doesn’t mean automatically she’s going to burn him. How do we know there aren’t circumstances behind not being able to buy a car? It’s not always cut and dry like that. “oh she’s gonna use him because she can’t afford her own”
When buddy helped me, I was a single parent coming up. I was VERY proud and didn’t ask for a thing. He did it because he saw a need and he did it in such a way (matching dollar for dollar) so it’s not deemed as gold digging or “getting over.” This guy looked after me long after beyond dating. Not necessarily money exchanged, certainly not sex but as he said, I’m doing it for your kid. Grant I knew he liked me but we got beyond that. After that it was a call….how are you and kid doing? Y’all good? Got everything you need? Purely out of concern. No not quite today’s scenario but really y’all it’s always easy to hang folks. Sometimes there are causes and reasons.
Just saying.
kimmie
March 29th, 2012
4:25 pm
cba – I’m inclined to agree with you.
Leggs – The independant woman in me would be too proud to ask my boyfriend to help, but if he’s in a position to and did not offer, I would look at him different. It is her responsibility, but she is his lady.
kimmie
March 29th, 2012
4:27 pm
Fion – If he doesn’t see a future with her, then yes, I would tread lightly here.
disco
March 29th, 2012
4:27 pm
fion – and this friend of yours lives where? he got brothers or like-minded friends?
willie d – apparently we were thinking alike on that one.
as for buying a man a car (outside of the offspring) – I’m funny about even letting dudes ride in my car. a few times I’ve had guys who offered to drive but wanted to drive my car. nope. we either take separate cars or you drive me in your car. it’s an odd little disco-ism but I have to stay true to it.
Fion
March 29th, 2012
4:28 pm
@Kimmie
That’s what makes is thing soooooo damn tricky.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
4:29 pm
But I know….the blog is a perfect world…lol
Leggs – Imma say this again and the last time, I didn’t say it was his responsibility. I didn’t say it nor lean that way nor insinuated but like said and stand on, if we’re playing house and I’m your woman, then if ever there’s a need, I EXPECT you to do the needful.
Now, me though? I’m not getting with a dude not cut from that cloth.
That is all
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
4:31 pm
Kimmie – The independant woman in me would be too proud to ask my boyfriend to help, but if he’s in a position to and did not offer, I would look at him different. It is her responsibility, but she is his lady
And this is exactly my point….I’m reposting and stand by it
Fion
March 29th, 2012
4:31 pm
@cba
this is an old 528i. This car has his youth in it.
You ladies know how we get our cars. He wouldn’t give it away.
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
4:32 pm
“And no, I’m not advocating gold digging. I handle mine and take care of mine but I would toss a side eye real quick to a dude that can’t be there for me if ever I’m in a fix.” – I can identify with this. When my home was broken into, this dude was really talking to me. We went out a few times. He met me at the house while the police were there. After boarding up the window and getting estimates for its replacement, I realized my deductible on my homeowner’s policy was more than the cost of the window. I was in between pay periods so I had to ask. My nosey neighbor was also over and knew we were in the throes of getting to know one another. She looked at him and said “what you’re not going to help her out and pay for the window until her payday. I was livid, but she said what I wanted to say. He said No, why should I. We haven’t even slept together yet. If I could have turned red I would have. His point was made and I never saw him again.
@kimmie ~ now, that’s the way I would look at it too.
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
4:33 pm
Fion: My tires will be in tomorrow. Can I get your friend to meet me at Goodyear?
On a serious note, without knowing them and the situation, it’s hard to say what the right thing is. And Celesia, your friend helped you help yourself. You were doing the best you could, and you still had the gumption and pride to find a way to match him dollar for dollar. I kinda read Fion’s post like she’s looking for a freebie. Guess I’m getting cynical….
Fion
March 29th, 2012
4:34 pm
@WD
Like I said earlier, I told my man, nah dude you that ain’t my thang.
I don’t do the husband role until you my wife.
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
4:34 pm
@Celisea ~ I hear you. Your post didn’t come across with that type of sentiment.
Leggs
March 29th, 2012
4:35 pm
ZUMBA…PEACE!
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
4:35 pm
ITL – It’s okay….lol Fion’s friend just need to do what’s best for him. He should know her well enough by now to know if she’s good for a loan.
I like cba’s answer.
Willie Dynamite
March 29th, 2012
4:36 pm
Fion – 4:24 great question and even better answer. This dude in for hard times. If he aint trying to lock her down then he tricking. Even if he got it just cause you put a hook and chorus on a beat its still tricking.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
4:37 pm
I don’t do the husband role until you my wife.
I hope that includes sex and getting it. That’s a husband/wife thing. Just saying…and I’m backing away now….lol
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
4:37 pm
But yeah, if she is his lady (although he’s not serious enough to marry her) then it’s understandable that he would (and should) want to help. But help within reason.
Fion
March 29th, 2012
4:37 pm
@ITL
Nah, she’s in a good spot and knows it. Nothing wrong with that. My friend is a good man. She’s happy using his car and he’s cool with it.
Again, just let it be.
i gotta go folks. Oscar de la Renta
cba
March 29th, 2012
4:37 pm
My wife totaled her 95 civic back in 2000. She received 6,500.00, so I’m thinking you get another 95 civic. She test drove a 98 accord and she liked it better. She said aww babe, i’ll give you the 6500 if you buy the accord. Twelve years later, I haven’t received a red cent.
kimmie
March 29th, 2012
4:38 pm
Thinking back once, I was in a bind and needed help. I pride myself on being responsible, but illnesses & death and a brief unemployment period struck. My bf at the time was making major bank. He did very little to help and I was too proud to ask, saying it was my responsibility and I needed to handle this on my own as an independant woman. My mom had passed, but I was close to my aunt and asked her for help. She of course helped me, but commented that it wasn’t cool that my bf was barely lifting a finger to help me out and warned me to take note of that. I didn’t really understand then, but years later it is crystal clear. He was a sorry dude. SMH now at the thought.
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
4:39 pm
Adidas, Fion!
kimmie
March 29th, 2012
4:42 pm
Great discussion gang!
Holla atcha tomorrow!!
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
4:42 pm
When I lived with kid’s dad, there was a couple over us that we hung out with. At the time I didn’t have a kid but she did. She was ALWAYS struggling to pay rent and all he did was cut a few heads at the barbershop up the road and ho’d when she wasn’t looking. Boy that thing us to irk me to no end. She’s struggling to meet rent, taking care of her kid, working a full time job and he just never had any empathy for her….being her man and all. She cooked EVERYDAY and made sure their spot was cozy and clean as ever. Grant he was less than a man but I just don’t get that. If we’re in it and in it together why not?
Buddy might have been the exception….naaaah he wasn’t. He was the typical dude, doing what he was allowed. I caught him once coming from the neighbor’s apt…nasty thang.
Willie Dynamite
March 29th, 2012
4:57 pm
Cba – that was/is your wife. You did what you were suppose to do and I’m sure you were not looking for any red cents in return. This dude don’t even have a contract to read the fine print. He doesn’t see a future with her so IMO heyal nawww.
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
5:02 pm
So, Willie D….about my allowance…..
Cely, your ex-neighbor…ugh. Men like that are disgusting.
Where did Swissykins go???
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
5:06 pm
ITL – Girl, he was a mess too. He was always clean too. All shiny and nowhere to go but the barbershop. Too when we coupled, she had to pay the tab….NOT!!! Oh, and don’t let me leave out weedhead. Both he and my kid’s dad would light one and talk sh__
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
5:09 pm
No respect for a man who mooches off a woman. YUCK!
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
5:09 pm
I will say though, I underestimated her. I was at their place one evening and naturally phone would ring off the hook for him…other chicks and I use to look at her like “what, you ain’t gonna do nothing”….and this time he handed her the phone. Well a couple of days later we took and ride and she was on her way out…out of that set up. Found another dude. I can’t say it was right but I surely won’t say it was wrong. She moved out and got her own place. I went to see her a couple of years after she moved out and she was doing just so so so much better….AND STILL DATING THE DUDE THAT CALLED THAT DAY
Last I heard they were engaged
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
5:09 pm
Was the kid his?
Willie Dynamite
March 29th, 2012
5:10 pm
ITL – next Tuesday 8:25am sharp. Set aside a few hours and we’ll discuss your allowance. Bring some references(minimum 2 notarized), 1 pack unscented baby wipes, red lip gloss, 1 knee pad and a ball of yarn (don’t ask). I’m sure by 10:25am we can come to an agreement.
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
5:10 pm
Awwww, I’m glad she had a happy ending. And glad she saw Buster Brown for what he was – not Mr. Right, just Mr. Right Now.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
5:11 pm
Girl no. She was from Florida as well as the kid’s dad. She use to get child support from kid’s dad but it wasn’t much. Still, he mooched and never carried his end.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
5:11 pm
LOL…exactly….LOL
i'm swiss
March 29th, 2012
5:11 pm
ITL — I’m still here. You know me, sometimes I like to just hang back and watch for a while.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
5:12 pm
Baby wipes?? That sounds scary
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
5:12 pm
LMAO@Willie D. I’m glad most of my colleagues are gone for the day, because I laughed out loud (very loud) when I read your response.
Question: Is the crash helmet optional, or will I need it?
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
5:13 pm
But Swissy….I miss you when you’re gone….
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
5:14 pm
ITL – I LOL’d at your crash helmet…that was funny
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
5:15 pm
ITL – We’re suppose to do lunch again in May. You should come along
Willie Dynamite
March 29th, 2012
5:15 pm
Cel- that was trifling but good that it ended with her in a better situation. Dude was just sorry but she enabled it. Glad she finally came into the light.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
5:17 pm
WillieD – She was too good for him. I was truly surprised seeing her after a couple of years had passed and she was still with the new guy. I liked him (for her)
She left him to worry about getting rent paid…lol Then the place she moved to was so much nicer. Yep, a good ending. Matter of fact, we connected on LinkedIn a year or so ago.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
5:18 pm
Okay…Swiss and ITL have both gone missing…
Willie Dynamite
March 29th, 2012
5:18 pm
ITL- no crash helmet needed. What do you take me for?
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
5:19 pm
Y’all are wild with y’all auditions…lol
i'm swiss
March 29th, 2012
5:19 pm
“finally came into the light”
Funny, I didn’t think it took her all that long…
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
5:26 pm
We had breakfast for dinner last night. I refused to buy something and I walked into Publix and really didn’t want to cook…too much. So I said to myself…”Self, there a loaf of raisin bread, bacon and grits at home” Soooooo, I bought eggs and a soda and headed out. Now I’m back with the same dilemna. I’m trying to not eat out so much but ummm, it’s leaning that way right about now.
Willie Dynamite
March 29th, 2012
5:31 pm
Cel – pick up a Rotisserie chicken and some kinda veggies and call it a day. Somewhat healthy without going the FF route.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
5:41 pm
WillieD – That sounds pretty interesting. I just might. It’s been a minute since I bought a rotisserie chicken…not bad.
Okay folks, I’m outta here. Oh, I was typing a post and our Market Exec walked up to talk to me….great….couldn’t scramble to pull the screen down because then I’d look guilty. Soooo, he was looking at the blog while we talked…great…lol No it’s cool. He’s cool.
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
5:43 pm
Hey y’all, I’m back. Why do folks come in my office and wanna have a discussion at 5:15?
Cely – that would be fun. My office is in the Cumberland/Galleria area, so if y’all do Vinings, I’m super close.
Easy, Swiss, easy. Coming into the light. LOL and SMH….
i'm swiss
March 29th, 2012
5:44 pm
Damn, C, you should have said so. I’d have thrown out a “hot & wet mangrove swamp” reference for your coworker’s amusement.
i'm swiss
March 29th, 2012
5:47 pm
ITL — Of course, it could just be that time flies when you’re having fun…
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
5:51 pm
Or, that you are so good at what you do, Swiss…..
WD: No crash helmet? So I won’t be needing the swing/harness with the ceiling fan attachment??
I kid, I kid….
i'm swiss
March 29th, 2012
5:52 pm
Well, that’s a given.
Celisea
March 29th, 2012
5:52 pm
Okay…shoot me I’m still working…wrapping up though.
ITL – Okay…got you added
Swiss – Ummm, you’re tryna get me fired…lol
Night for real…unplugging laptop
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
5:52 pm
Thumbs up on the rotisserie chicken, Cely. I use the leftovers to make chicken quesadillas, chicken salad, chicken soup, whatever I’m in the mood for….
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
5:53 pm
Night, Cely!
Into the Light, Esquire
March 29th, 2012
6:08 pm
Night, Swissy. Night, Willie D.
See y’all tomorrow.
Albert
March 30th, 2012
12:44 pm
I hate being dumped without knowing why. It leads to all sorts of wild imaginings, especially if you’re disabled and in a chair, like me. A woman will never, ever tell you that she can’t handle your disability. It’s considered too cruel, and I’m not sure I disagree. But I do hate getting dumped and never finding out why.