Dating: How do you ask for space?
It is common and perfectly normal to want to spend every waking moment with someone you are crazy about. A new romance means things are hot and heavy, right? What happens when you are ready to slip into a routine with more balance, but your partner is stuck on hot and heavy?
How do you ask someone to give you a little space without totally derailing the “budding” relationship that is still growing? If you want a little less together time, does that necessarily mean you aren’t into the person anymore?
My friend told me he was down with the whole “see each other every weekend plan” in the beginning, but his lady is clinging to that pattern tighter than he is. He still really likes her, but wondered if he pulls away a bit, would she consider that a red flag he isn’t interested.
Obviously he has to be honest with her, but I am curious if others have been in this situation. What did you do or say when you wanted space but not spaaaaaacce?
Happy Tuesday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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280 comments Add your comment
Lily
March 27th, 2012
7:22 am
Diva I’m going to give this one to the men…….in most cases. Usually and not all the time but we tend to hang on or are happy in the world of just “me and him” after becoming intimate and men tend to be the opposite…..in most cases. Not saying every case but most. I think it’s how we’re programmed as it relates to gender.
Now, with that being said, twice in my life I’ve encountered clingons (lol) and a clingy man is the absolute worse. There is just no good way to break the we need space news aside from breaking the we need space news.
Lily
March 27th, 2012
7:23 am
Let’s get the day started.
Good day!
Row 125, seat 11B
March 27th, 2012
8:15 am
Good Morning….This is an easy one…. I practice the honest approach. I tell her that I am really feeling her but there are things that I like to do that aree expressly mine , like golfing with my buddies or just hanging with other friends. I make sure that I am clear about what my intentions are, and hope that she can be respectful of that request. I also make sure that I reserve ample time for she and I to “bond” and when possible I include her in SOME of the activities with others in my life……
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
8:20 am
Good Morning MIA!!!!!
Interesting, currently we do a few days during the week and every other weekend………..Nothing set in stone but it is understood we won’t be with each other every day or weekend. We had a great discussion about this and we both were on the same page. We have a life outside our relationship and neither one of us want each others morning, noon, and night every single day. Those days away are refreshing and keeps us tighter. Easter is approaching and that is his birthday so it will be interesting spending two holidays in one with him plus the following weekend I’ve made plans for us so it will be a first of back to back weekends but I feel we will be fine but I am sure after all the festivities we will appreciate the time apart as well. He truly respects my space I respect his meaning when we are apart its not calling or texting 24/7 or a sense of urgency of insecurity. Hell, a clingy man or woman is not the business and prior to meeting we both had our life.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
8:25 am
If you want a little less together time, does that necessarily mean you aren’t into the person anymore? Of course not. It means just that you want your space and hopefully both parties will agree and a certain amount of space is healthy and potentially helps strengthen their bond to grow closer. Hopefully that is the goal. Transparent communication is required though and not that passive aggressive behavior. Have a real heart to heart conversation about needs and wants and move forward accordingly. Trust has to be the foundation along with security.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
8:55 am
My concert series came together……I will be seeing, New Edition, Dougie Fresh, SWV (same day), Earth, Wind, & Fire, Anita Baker, and Charlie Wilson from May to September……I likes the line up! this summer is going to be far better than last summer. I was an introvert last summer but I needed that down time away……..Need to narrow down where I want to visit for my birthday……hmmmmmm
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
8:56 am
& as it relates to this topic all of these events are not with my boo. Half with girlfriends and the other half with him. I don’t abandon friends just because I am boo’d up……lol
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
9:06 am
Goooood morning folks!
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
9:11 am
Good morning, good morning!
If you want a little less together time, does that necessarily mean you aren’t into the person anymore? – Not at all. However, if you want time alone, sit and talk about it. If you take the route of shutting down with little to no communication, one can start to think you are no longer happy with the relationship. Communication is the key because miscommunication can put holes in the relationship and it can start to flatline….
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
9:15 am
Transparent communication is required though and not that passive aggressive behavior
Lady that is definitely key in this situation…I’ve experienced my SO just being a little distant, quiet, short in convo as a passive agressive way to signal he needed space. But when asked if anything was wrong or if he needed some time, the response would be, I’m cool or I’m chillin or if I need space I’ll ask for it…
When I need space, I go home which sucks at times since I live with my cousin…and usually when I need space, it isn’t just a need for space from the beau but from people in general. Is that bad? Hey, i’m a gemini and it be’s like that sometimes.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
9:20 am
Slim it is the worse to playing guessing games then for one to start assuming when all we have to do is sit down and talk. Yeah easy said than done bc there are many who just want to shut down and not be bother and expect for you to get it and respect it until they are ready to talk. Naw it doesn’t work that way. It is a two way street and being open and honest gets respect and appreciation in my book. I don’t expect every situation to be by the books but there has to be a solid foundation with communication. Have to be or both will be looking crazy and a void will come resentment.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
9:30 am
Nope Slim I always need space from people and love ones. Believe it or not I even came to a point here recently to need space from social media and that is like WOW in my book. But seriously you need your “ME TIME” to process you. Over these past holidays I certainly got my time in for myself. It helps you be a better person to just take time for yourself but before you cut off the world communicate it to the ones you care about the most and they will understand and respect it.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
9:31 am
I really need to focus on this assessment class I am taking and I was like FB and twitter gots to go for a second so I can give it my all. ……that is self awareness
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
9:53 am
Lady – I told my cuzzo that from time to time I’ll keep to myself and to not naturally assume something is wrong. I think she has started to accept that and leave me be when that door is closed.
I had to tell my current beau that when he needs “HIM TIME” that he should communicate that to me as well because I don’t want to have to play the guessing game or turn into Sherlock Holmes to find out what crawled up his butt. And as far as social media or technology period, I actually took yesterday off and turned it all off. I swear when folks know you didn’t go to work, they seem to want to call you, text you, fb you or whatever wanting to know what you’re up to. I’m CHILLIN! lol Folks from work were calling and texting me talking about “I know you aren’t doing anything to not answer the phone fool!”
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
9:58 am
Good post Slim!!!!!!!!!!! I totally feel you and one day I am going to deactivate but not posting has been refreshing. I created that monster and the current events of the world mixed with social media is damn stressful and it ain’t even mandatory so I am gaining my power back over me and focus on my priorities. I love adjust the rules on my playground.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
9:58 am
adjusting that is! smh lol
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
10:04 am
yeah Slim when you take a day off and folks start hitting you up like where you at can make you ill………My mental health days I don’t want to be bothered or accounted for. I have taken very few this year actually had perfect attendance two months straight. but when I take off I like to get lost and do me quietly.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
10:06 am
“…it isn’t just a need for space from the beau but from people in general. Is that bad? – Heck no, we all need to be ALONE at times. That’s human nature. Complete quietness helps us mentally as well emotionally. To be in a space all by yourself is some of the best medicine on Earth for rejuvenation.
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
10:09 am
Lady – Just like the song says, “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” Same concept in making your own rules.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
10:11 am
Leggs good post 10:06!
Indeed Slim~
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
10:13 am
It is amazing what sleep can do I am flowing today with my case study. Its almost done. I am so over testing smh lol
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
10:28 am
Lady – Strangely, many people I’ve talked to recently says they haven’t been able to sleep that well as of late. I’m not certain if that has something to do with the weather or not but sleep does a body good
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
10:32 am
Slim this has been a tough springing forward for me. I am still not in sync with time and just being 100%. March is the new January. Back in the day January use to be a suck azz month but March has taken that title in my world. I am over it! lol
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
10:37 am
What did you do or say when you wanted space but not spaaaaaacce?
That could me the major problem when asking for “space.” Some don’t hear the former, only the latter. Some take it as an afront to their contribution or lack thereof to the relationship. Someone’s feelings are immediately “pinched” because they’ve placed their own strength on the word.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
10:42 am
And now, instead of communicating, sulkiness is front and center.
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
10:45 am
Morning All!
I agree one must communicate their needs. A lot of guys just get ghost and expect you to read their minds and then later when the ish hits the fan, put it all off on YOU and label you with being clingy. Yeah, when you want some it’s all good, but when you need your space, then all of a sudden I’m “clingy”. Yeah right.
I never have been able to stand a clingy dude! NEVER!! I’ve always been a little different than a lot of guys expected in that area. I’ve always needed my space. I fully communicate that. We don’t have to sit down and have a “talk”. I just live my life up front – let them know I’m making plans to hang with friends, do things with the fam, get my hair done, shop, etc. A lot of times it coincided with things they had planned with the boys. Most were quite cool with it, others did not understand it. They wanted me to be at home, sweating what they were doing. I made plenty of time for them, but I just don’t want someone all up on me 24/7. I’ve been that way since a child.
Most confident men won’t have a problem with a woman that has her own life.
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
10:59 am
Where is everyone, is it spring break now or what?
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
11:02 am
Slim in three days I will be on spring break and can’t wait!
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
11:10 am
I’m jealous but enjoy it nonetheless
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
11:11 am
Seems to be a repeat of yesterday in terms of only a handful of bloggers.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
11:18 am
yep leggs
abc
March 27th, 2012
11:21 am
I would think that the individuals would have enough of a life going on that personal space would be achieved just by conducting your life as normal, spending time together in free time. If you have so much free time that it equates to feeling like you have to spend too much time with your significant other, then you either have too much free time or the wrong significant other.
For instance, guys can go play golf, pursue hobbies, hit the gym, read, be occupied by creating things that require solitude — I do a lot of that lately, really back into composition and orchestration. Women can have similar interests that don’t have anything to do with their partner. If you don’t have interests like that, develop some.
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
11:33 am
abc – I agree with your entire post.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
11:35 am
right on abc!
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
11:45 am
On topic: What abc said
Off topic: I finally saw Good Deeds…it was “a’ight” and a lovely dinner at Maggianos
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
11:46 am
go C~
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
11:53 am
I am using my groupon for Miss Betty’s House of Ribs this evening and I am looking forward to it…….no obligations this evening and no child! yay!
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
11:56 am
Hey Lady(bug)!
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
11:58 am
Lady, I’m going to send you a couple of links/menus. I thought Vinings because there are a few shops where we can “look around”….in case you wanna buy something
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
12:01 pm
If in Vinings and are craving a good burger, stop in Yeah Burger!
Vinings is overpriced on just about all their clothing and other items. if you’re into window shopping, you may enjoy.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
12:03 pm
Leggs – Yeah they are. There’s an Ann Taylor Loft down there and a couple of other “not so bad” boutiques. I took my kid into one the other week and the jeans were $175….ummm NOT! I still like the quietness and coziness of that area. Hopefully we’ll be shooting the breeze (corny I know) on some deck for about a couple of hours
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
12:03 pm
oh okay cool beans I am down and Vinings rock!
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
12:04 pm
Lady
I hope it’s not too “out of the way” for you
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
12:08 pm
not at all I will be free as a bird sis and Tuesday I am open so I am good.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
12:15 pm
Lady – Wonderful….
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
12:17 pm
Hey kids!
Vinings = FUN! Margaritas at La Paz, and then on to the boutiques. Great way to spend an afternoon.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
12:19 pm
ITL – La Paz is one that’s on the list. The margaritas jumped out at me…for Lady
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
12:21 pm
Cel – I passed by Maggiano’s this past Saturday but have never been…we ended up at Carrabba’s instead. Is their food pretty good and reasonably priced?
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
12:23 pm
The margaritas jumped out at me…for Lady
Mmmm-hmmmm. I know you are too good a pal to let her drink alone, Ms. Cely…
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
12:24 pm
Oh, and Cely – You know you better take her by Cami Cakes for a cupcake.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
12:25 pm
lol hey ITL!!!!!!!!!!! great shoe selections honey!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am down for Ritas!!!!!!!!!!! always!
czBrat
March 27th, 2012
12:26 pm
so busy lmao after just the first paragraph of this topic. don’t know if i’ll be able to get through it AND read the comments, but i’ll try.
this hits uncomfortably close to home.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
12:28 pm
Slim – I LOVE their Lasagna. I’ve had a couple of other dishes but usually if I’m hungry and want to get it right, no guessing…Lasagna
There’s a range. The standard pasta dishes start around 13 bucks moving up from there. Not too bad though I don’t think.
ITL – Now now, you know I’m a “virgin” drinker…ha! I’ll have a diet coke…………or something
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
12:29 pm
lol
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
12:30 pm
Lady – Glad you liked them!
Cely – Mmmm-hmmm. If you say so.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
12:32 pm
ITL – You DID NOT mention Cami Cakes right? LOL I love those and that just doesn’t help with my sweet in-take recovery…LOL We have those here sometimes instead of “Piece of Cake” Simply divine!
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
12:33 pm
The miniature cup cakes
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
12:34 pm
Slim – Next time go for Maggiano’s. I LOVE that place!
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
12:34 pm
@Celisea ~ I saw this very nice dress in Chico’s that would have accentuated my body nicely. It was a very nice sundress for $189. I didn’t buy it, but I wanted to.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
12:36 pm
Leggs – Chico’s have really nice stuff and can get steep in prices. Yeah, that’s a bit much. Ever look at their underwear?
czBrat
March 27th, 2012
12:47 pm
ok. so topic has already moved on to summer shopping.
just as well. digging up details on the many discussions we’ve had about “me” time would just bum me out anyway.
kimmie, luv your 10:45, though. very well said.
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
12:49 pm
Cel – Oh ok, we may have to check that out soon then. As much as I love a good lasagna, I would feel a bit awkward ordering that out if i’m with the beau because he makes a pretty good homemade lasagna. I’d have to do that out with the girls or something lolol
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
12:59 pm
<—— now craving a mini Cami cake.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
1:00 pm
ILT how did cupcakes become soooooo popular?!? They are running the social scenes! 0_o
Okay seriously have the men stop blogging?!? Did I miss a memo?!? lol
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:03 pm
“… how did cupcakes become soooooo popular?!? – could be some people feel less guilt eating a cupcake than a thick slice of cake (lol).
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
1:04 pm
oh I guess Leggs it stillis a guilty pleasure though #shrugs they are even getting cupcake vending machines! #wow
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:04 pm
If you put stats, surveys, analysis reports out, the men will jump through hoops to blog!
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:05 pm
@Lady, probably where mini cupcakes come into play. A little taste can’t be as bad as an entire cupcake/slice of cake.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
1:08 pm
its a mind thing but if you eating 5 to 10 minis mind as well bake a cake lol I am going to do bake a carrot cake for Easter………………….it will be a 1st
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
1:09 pm
sn: Anybody know a good hit man?!?!?
Okay, I’m kidding. I don’t want to kill anyone, but if I could arrange a 10-year sabbatical in Iceland for a certain someone, I would be the happiest girl in the world!!!
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
1:11 pm
LOL ITL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:11 pm
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/first-grade-student-trouble-fake-100-bills-article-1.1035448
Poor Grandma!
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
1:12 pm
ITL – I’m soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not touching that because if you ask again, I might be willing to split the cost….lol Let me know though what you find out about Iceland…ha! I kid I kid
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:13 pm
@ITL certain jokes you don’t want to put in print on a blog! That would be one of them (lol).
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
1:13 pm
Leggs children will keep you in some mess LOLOLOL but where she get that from lol #dead
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:17 pm
Now here comes a conspirator. Bet the FBT’s “hotline phone” is ringing…
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:19 pm
First grader trying to make it rain at school!
Robert
March 27th, 2012
1:30 pm
“What did you do or say when you wanted space”
This is a good question. We both have “passion and desire” for each other. Sometimes she becomes emotional (clingy) and lets her feeling get in the way which can affect her judgement. For example I have children who live in another City which means I have a responsibility to travel on weekends to see my children as a concerned parent would do. My friend feels insecure and feels she should be included whether or not it is appropriate for her to be involved in the childrens lives at this time. I do not take women around my children unless we plan to be marrried and living together. My friend is very aware of my situation and at first was very supportive of me being involved in my childrens lives. Know she is less supportive because she feels leftout and neglected. I really like her and I do not want to lose her. Any advice?
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
1:33 pm
Do you see yourself marrying her one day Robert?!?
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:38 pm
My friend feels insecure and feels she should be included whether or not it is appropriate for her to be involved in the childrens lives at this time
I mean no disrespect, but that’s a crazy statement. If she’s not in the kids’ lives, why travel with you? This is the time for you and your children, and if you and the mother are truly not involved in any hanky panky, she should be secure and comforted that you a man who is involved in your children’s life. You aren’t regulating her to a corner to stay still while you travel. You have kids and they need to spend time with their father, not his quarterly flavor of the month (not saying that’s what you have going on). Hopefully you see what I’m saying…ok, I’m gonna sit down now.
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
1:38 pm
Robert – Also, how long have you two been dating?
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
1:46 pm
Robert – See to me, what you are describing is not really “me” time or space, it’s “responsibility”. That’s a whole different ballgame. I would not begrudge any man from handling his business and seeing about his kids. In fact, that would be a requirement if he had kids. Deadbeat dads are not attractive to me.
Having said that, I have actually had men to use “spending time with their kids or mama” as an excuse for not spending time with me. What am I suppose to say when you come and tell me you have to go & see about your kids or parent? Even if it’s the 10th date in a row you’ve broken with me so you can do this? See where I’m going with this?
Take a good look at yourself and make sure your intentions are honorable. You are not the 1st single dad to date. If you are communicating with her about your feelings about bringing dates around your kids at this stage in your relationship, if you are being honest, if you are setting aside quality time with her, that’s all you can do. If after all that, then maybe she needs to find someone without kids and someone who needs to be all up on each other 24/7. There are folks like that and maybe she’d be more suited for that type of guy.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:48 pm
year
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
1:51 pm
As it relates to Robert’s situation….I’m agreeing with the different comments. Not saying this negative IN ANY FORM AT ALL, but you men need to stop laying on a woman being “too emotional” when you can’t find a happy medium for you both. Any woman in her right mind will speak up for her own cause.
I agree, kudos for any man taking responsibility for his kids and what not but at the same time, if you’re trying to start something anew or a relationship with a woman, you have to learn balance and how to factor in all parties involved. Too, too many use it as a crutch and opportunity for having the best of both worlds.
Not saying this is what you’re doing but you should at least be understanding of why she may become emotional in this sort of set up.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
1:53 pm
good 1 C! That is why I ask what I ask. At what point does she become relevant to your kids and whole life.
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
1:55 pm
Bingo Celisea!
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
1:55 pm
I have actually had men to use “spending time with their kids or mama” as an excuse for not spending time with me
kimmie – My cousin used to date a dude like this…but what was funny was even if he did go pick up his kids, he was not the one spending time with them. They would be at his MAMA’S house or with his sister while he went out partying it up around the town.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:55 pm
Slim has the right question…how long have they been dating????
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
1:56 pm
Can’t lie I was very guarded with opening up and having a relationship that included my child. Took all of six years but I did come to a point to say whomever I am with I want them to have a healthy relationship with my child. A balance. Not a replacement of parent not even a step-parent but a mate that acknowledges my child and myself as a family.
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
1:58 pm
Slim – Sounds like me & your cousin were dating the same dude!!
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
1:58 pm
and can come around us and have family time without any set rules or regulations. I introduced my ex husband to my S/O and it went well. just be responsible but only a parent can gauge what is in their comfort level.
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
1:58 pm
Afternoon All,
This is a really good topic that deserves some conversation between the parties involved. In any relationship Me Time is very imprtant and at the same time a moving target. There are times when you just want to be alone/away. There are times when really even if you feel that way its probably best that you don’t. Men are very fickle in that we don’t always communicate that need. We do take for granted that unless we communicate that need that sometimes Women will read other scenarios into it. We also hae the tendency to treat relationships as on demand. We want what we want when we want it.For new relationships this can either be very easy or very hard depending on the folks involved. I personally say to have constant communication as a way to thwart the ‘we need to talk’ conversations. The I need space conversation taken at face value can be very difficult depending on HOW you present the topic.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:01 pm
Exactly WD!!!!! good post! that was so below surface!
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
2:02 pm
Leggs – I’m waiting on the answer to that question because if they’ve been dating for years, I would most definitely have an issue not meeting the kids at some point regardless if we were engaged or not even considering marriage. Now if this is some new courtship, then I agree with the gf being involved with the kids right now.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:04 pm
Slim my thought process is long term. A long term relationship at some point should include kids.
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
2:04 pm
Willie – Great post – we need you men on here to break it down like that and hear your perspective.
Slim – I agree, the length of time they’ve dated is very relevant.
Robert
March 27th, 2012
2:05 pm
@ Lady – Do you see yourself marrying her one day ?
She is a wonderful person and it is truly a “joy” to be in her presence. Based on my life I am not worthy of such a blessing. I can only hope and pray she would want to marry someone like me someday.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:06 pm
I see Robert~
So you need to kind of work on you more per se and that is a good thing if you are aware of that.
Robert
March 27th, 2012
2:07 pm
@Slims Got The Fever” – how long have you two been dating?
We have been dating for over 2 years.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:07 pm
I was the same way Robert. I wasn’t heal so bringing someone around my child would have meant nothing then and I didn’t
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:08 pm
and what I mean by heal is being whole to truly open up and love again without fear~
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:09 pm
that is for me too. Not speaking for Robert.
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
2:09 pm
Robert – you really really really have to take a self assesment on this one. Honestly speaking this is your life and really it doesn’t matter what kind of advice is given. if you think this chick is a keeper then you are gonna have to isht or get off the pot. If you are still in the don’t know yet stage then you have an obligation to yourself and the offspring to make the best decision. The key is don’t try to force it one way or another. If it feels right and for the right reasons then proceed accordingly. Like someone said you are not the first single parent dating but what works for everyone else may not sit well with you. All that being said matters only if your intentions are honorable.
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
2:10 pm
WD – You’re absolutely right…it is hard sometimes for a woman to see the guy, have a few days of seeing each other, going hard on the communication then to all of sudden have the guy not call as much, not seem as excited to see you after seeing you the last 2/3 days and then to not assume something is wrong. As previously stated regarding this topic, in the book “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” they say men are like rubberbands…they’ll really spend lots of energy being really attentive to the woman for a stretch of time but as that rubberband stretchs out, he’ll get to a point that he pulls away. He needs to have this pulling away in order to snap back to the attentiveness. (Thats it in a nutshell) Each woman has to understand the cycle of the man they’re in a relationship with since each will be different.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:12 pm
WD is on it today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good Post sir 2:09
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
2:16 pm
Lady – yeah really under the surface because I struggle with this one. By nature I am a recluse that thrives in the shadows (batman , kinda sorta) and my me time doesn’t always coincide with the family life. I am getting better at taming my actions during those times but still…..
Robert – 2 yrs, dayum man it has to be a lot more going on than what you are saying. I’m surprised this chick is still with you. You been dating her two yrs and going in/out town for some kids she hasn’t even met. either you are playing or wasting time. Just based on the info given i am siding with the chick.
Slim – I really have to agree with you there. Men spend considerable energy getting the Woman and then what. Like women always say the things you do to get her you better do to keep her. Well when we first met i needed to skip pker night and the playoff game so we could go watch the latest chick flick. now 3 months later I thought you knew I always played poker with the boys on Thursday and sports bar on Friday.
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
2:18 pm
Now if this is some new courtship, then I agree with the gf being involved with the kids right now
meant to say, “Now if this is some new courtship, then I agree with the gf NOT being involved with the kids right now”
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
2:20 pm
One has to do what’s best for themselves & the situation. But, just my opinion, 2 years is a good while. As a woman, I would be getting a bit antsy too. Dude would have to “find himself” on someone elses time.
Robert, if she’s THAT wonderful, why would you not want the kids to meet her?
Something about this is just not jiving, I don’t know…….
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:21 pm
I feel ya WD!!!! Self Awareness Rocks~
I have walked Robert’s road. He is not ready and it OK he just need to convey it and be honest. Its a process though and it ain’t easy
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
2:21 pm
Kimmie – 2:20 co-sign
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
2:21 pm
But of course, Slim. That’s why I want to hear the answer too.
“want to marry someone like me someday.” – See, you playing games!
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
2:22 pm
Well when we first met i needed to skip pker night and the playoff game so we could go watch the latest chick flick. now 3 months later I thought you knew I always played poker with the boys on Thursday and sports bar on Friday
And SHAZAM!!!! There you have it
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:23 pm
the fear of losing a wonderful person but not ready to cross that bridge can become selfish and stagnant.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
2:26 pm
@WillieD ~ I don’t think he said she never met his kids, he just doesn’t want her around them often. But I must admit, 2 damn years is a hard pill to swallow. Hope you understand her position, Robert. Are you really being honest across the board.
First you say you are not worthy of a woman like her then turn around and say you hope she marries someone like you. Are you Dr. Jekly and Mr. Hyde.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:27 pm
dead leggs okay I am done I don’t do personality disorders! LOL
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:27 pm
~human behavior is sooooooooooooo amusing!
C where did you go honey?!?
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
2:29 pm
Lady – Excuse my cynicism, but all that sounds nice and philosophical and clinical. I’m not buying it. I’ve seen these same type of dudes whining about they are not ready for years. Then “miss wonderful” wakes up and dumps him, only to have him move on to someone else next week and marry her a week later.
Like I said, work on SELF on one’s own time! Life is too short!
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
2:29 pm
Ladies (Lady and Kimmie) – I’m agreeing…especially with Kimmie’s 2:20. I get everybody weighing their options and what’s best. I don’t ever advise against that. What I will say though is because you can’t move your feet, after so long a time, don’t turn things to your mate not being understanding. I mean really if it’s been awhile, you OWE that person something. Move it along or make it happen but honestly how fair is it to not decide. I think too, Robert should do what’s best for him but I also think his lady/woman/SO should be positioned to do the same. If she’s gonna be apart of his life, then move forward with finding great arrangement for her, kids and him….as a family. If he’s iffy about her and the kids and the kid’s mom, at some point, maybe she’s not the one for him and vice versa. But see the entire picture for what it is. Everybody is due respect of getting answers and being made aware and getting pulled into the know.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:29 pm
but uncertainty is relevant ok i am over it lol
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
2:30 pm
Hey Lady – I’m here…lol
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
2:30 pm
In regards to the comment of “you hope she wants to marry someone like you” I would seriously doubt she is dating you just for the hell of it especially if she WANTS to be involved in your kids’ lives. If she wasn’t serious about having a life with you, I’m not sure she’d give a rats ass about the kids or whatever.
Robert – What’s the relationship like with you and the mother of your kids??? When you go visit, are you spending the night with her? Hanging out with her with the kids or what?
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:30 pm
Kimmie I think I share your same thoughts so I get it clinical and all. Working on his self is key.
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
2:31 pm
Slim – sometimes it can be that simple and complex at the same time. Communication is the key and the occasional compromise moving forward erases strife.
Leggs – oh ok, but still….. Something is not right in that scenario. If I’ve invested 2 yrs into a person then I/she has been deemed qualified to share ALL my life. I might talk about the game but I don’t play like that.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:31 pm
and if he marries the next one coming so be it then his current is not the one. It doesn’t take away from who he is IMO………
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
2:33 pm
I’m sticking with the cliche of “doing what’s best” but you already know. You know where your heart is, you know what your intents are…you know. You know if you’re hesitant because of the kid’s mom, you know if you just want to sort stand and not make a decision…you know.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:33 pm
C you make my point with its him not being ready for whatever reason. he is the constant and if his mates stays then its on her bc currently he is comfy and doesn’t want change. Folks only do whatyou allow them to do.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:34 pm
meant mate stays………..
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
2:35 pm
Lady – You got it! And I go back to saying don’t act surprise at her reaction. She’s not emotional or irrational, she’s a woman in waiting and rightfully deserves to know what you’re going to do. I think EVERY WOMAN can accept a man saying I’m not ready, it’s not the right time, it’s not a good fit. But to know he knows and he’s denying he knows what to do…or maybe not denying but acting stuck…yeah that sort of know things out of sort for us.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:36 pm
Indeed C~
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
2:36 pm
throw not know
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
2:38 pm
Cel – that 2:35 makes my head hurt. hahaha but yeah I know, I think.
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
2:38 pm
Lady – And if she’s complaining, then she’s not really “allowing”. The situation seems to be getting a little uncomfortable in my opinion. It does take away from who he is if he’s not being straight up with her.
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
2:38 pm
WD – I think at times men feel like if they express a desire to spend a little time doing it up with the fellas, that we will turn our head a whole 360 rotation, spit up green pea soup and start yelling curse words & throwing glasses at the walls…My ex was ALWAYS doing something but in that case it was extreme…and I let him know that I was not going to be put on the back burner to his friends ALL the time. It would be Poker NightSSSSS, clubbing, skrip clubbing, video gaming to the wee hours of the night, h e r b i n g, homeboy is in town so gotta do the birthday thing, etc…I would recite that joke that Martin Lawrence did in his stand-up talking Tyrone got your time
(of course he didn’t find that very funny)
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
2:39 pm
WillieD – I was just testing you
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:40 pm
Kimmie I am meaning when they call it quits and move on and marries. He is not being honest with himself #1. So nothing will work or make sense that is why he doesn’t want to break what is not broke in his world. Its on the mate to stay or go but currently Robert is cool with less interactions.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
2:40 pm
It would be Poker NightSSSSS, clubbing, skrip clubbing, video gaming to the wee hours of the night, h e r b i n g, homeboy is in town so gotta do the birthday thing, etc…I would recite that joke that Martin Lawrence did in his stand-up talking Tyrone got your time (of course he didn’t find that very funny)
That’s funny…lol Sho nuff and after allllllllllll this, if you can’t get with his schedule, you are wacked as a woman…lol
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:41 pm
marry someone else that is but any way………..
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
2:42 pm
Slim – yeah that sucks. You have to be respecful of other folks time. If you are not then don’t be surprised when they make a decision based on your actions that are best for them.
Cel – Did I pass? Of course I did, whats my prize????
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
2:43 pm
WillieD – Yep you passed…with flying colors. What’s your prize. Got a box heading your way via FedEx
Careful now
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
2:45 pm
Cel – ok “we need to talk” hahaha
I am Big Brown so the F word doesn’t fly in my world. Return to sender and maybe we can try again.
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
2:46 pm
Cel – It was like trying to double dutch, standing on the side waiting for the best time to jump in. Then it was crazy because i would find out that other chicks were going to some of these places, that it wasn’t just the fellas. So when I’d ask about that you know what this fool said??? “Well those are just friends of ours…no one else is bringing their BOO’s though”.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:47 pm
FedEx is high too!
lawd I had a horror story there last week! lol
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
2:48 pm
Have you guys noticed that when Robert post a dating dilemna he sits in the cut and reads everyone elses posts nevery really commenting anymore on his own???
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:49 pm
yep leggs and it is draining smh
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
2:49 pm
Celisea – You really have to let dudes like that know you are not the one. I had the dude like Slim’s cousin was seeing, who used the kids as an excuse. I had one who used his mama. His mama was not sick or anything and even though father had died, she had 7 kids, most of whom lived nearby. In other words, someone was always there, she was never really alone. She got along great, could drive, cook, the whole nine. But when he didn’t want to be bothered it was “gotta go check on mama”. I told him straight up that excuse might work on other women, who’d back off at the word “mama” but not me. Told him he needed to come up with a better lie. He thought I was straight crazy and I told him I’d show him just how.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
2:50 pm
Slim – Exactly. I can so relate…yeah kid’s dad. Mmm hmm, I know ’bout them kind of parties where you’re left home but oh umm, btw there’s other chicks there….just some friends or friends of friends… Like WillieD said, that’s the time you start adjusting your scheduled based on never getting on their schedules.
WillieD – Big Brown eh? You ain’t said nothing but a word. Prize package resent…..CAREFUL NOW and open slowly
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
2:52 pm
@WillieD ~ I definitely agree, something is wrong.
And like Slim and I both have asked, what is his relationship with the mother(s) of his children?
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
2:52 pm
Exactly Kimmie…you are spot on. That’s why if for your (being dude) actions or the lack thereof, I’m labeled as crazy or impatient, it’s because I know that game all too well and really I’m not up for playing Willie (no offense Willie) lump lump. Take that mess and move it along. We will get along even better if you K.I.M.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
2:53 pm
Leggs – Your 2:48…all the time. Folks throw it out there and get ghost
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
2:55 pm
Leggs – I didn’t notice that because I generally just flow with the blog or topic. I can tell you what I did notice seeing that apparently I;m the only dude blogging.
Leggs- the donk fluctuates from a mini-donk/donk depending on the day and what you are wearing.
Lady -Got a man, hooray for her
Slim – Bout to be back on the market (unfortunately).
Cel – breaking out that shell and she DOES have a semi wild side but you’d never hear that from her.
Kimmie – maybe married but she’s still a sniper.
who did I forget?????
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:56 pm
WD
where are the men though WD?!? Glad you popped in too!
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
2:58 pm
Willie – LOL!!! You better recognize!! Please don’t come to me with the bs cause I’ve seen it all!!
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
2:58 pm
Bout to be back on the market (unfortunately)
WD – Unless you know something I don’t, that was an EX i spoke of that acted that way…the current beau and I are on good terms so Please don’t jinx me
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:58 pm
C that is my whole point you tolerate foolishness it is on you~ POW! LOL but still he needs to be honest but folks lie and hide and not be forthcoming all the time and the relationship still carries on. #truestory
Alrighty good people its been a better productive day! Peace out~ BBQ Time! yay!
Robert
March 27th, 2012
2:58 pm
@Kimmie – “if she’s THAT wonderful, why would you not want the kids to meet her?”
Over the past 2 years she has met my children when appropriate (birthday’s, holidays’, etc.) and they respect her. She has traveled with me to see them many times. She feels leftout and neglected because she wants to do more for the children and travel with me all the time because she cares about us learning how to live as a blended family. In regard to my children’s Mother there is no conflict of interest (no booty calls, etc.). Everybody wants what is best for the children.
pammy
March 27th, 2012
2:59 pm
I’ve been seeing a married man for a year and a half now. I like him a lot but have finally come to my senses and I want to break it off with him. How do I do that in the best way? I’m scared he might try to get a bit vengeful.
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
3:01 pm
no comment
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
3:03 pm
@WillieD ~ I need to slap your hand with a ruler (lol).
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:04 pm
WillieD – breaking out that shell and she DOES have a semi wild side but you’d never hear that from her.
Well…I never! I kid I sooo kid….ha Like Amer Ex said it best, “membership has it’s priviledges”
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
3:04 pm
Don’t claim that for Slim. NOPE!
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:05 pm
Lady – You’re so right. Zero tolerance level on BS….let ‘em take it any way they want.
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
3:05 pm
I hope that isn’t a certain someone just trying to change the topic…sounds like a pretty BS question…but if this is a true issue, then Welcome, I guess.
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
3:06 pm
Leggs – I should report that comment lol jkbnr
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
3:06 pm
Cel – think I better wait until I have some space before i open.
Slim – Sorry, No jinxes I am pulling for you to stay OFF the market.
Kimmie – I already know.
Pammy – I think you better prepare for the onslaught that is about to come your way. From the blog ladies that is.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
3:06 pm
Glad to hear that part, Robert. I also understand that she can’t come along ALL the time, and you’re giving me the impression that she wants to come along ALL the time when you leave to visit your children. Well, if that’s true, I think she needs to step back a little and give you time with your children.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:08 pm
I say we ASSUME pammy is a troll and just ignore her. Sometimes I think that’s torture enough.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
3:09 pm
@pammy ~ girl, I can’t even throw you a vest….
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:09 pm
So I guess with Robert’s last post, what was the initial conflict? That post sounds like it’s all good, just a matter of things coming together. I will still say though, at this point nothing left to do but get it done.
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
3:10 pm
Leggs- only if you have the Catholic nun uniform on when you slap my hand.
pammy
March 27th, 2012
3:10 pm
Stupid mistakes don’t make me a troll. Just gullible.
czBrat
March 27th, 2012
3:10 pm
HiYas.
work load finally winding down. desperately in need of a distraction. yous still on shopping? of course not.
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
3:10 pm
Leggs – Something still isn’t right to me. I don’t see what the problem is, if she’s suppose to be so great. But that’s me.
Willie – It’s too late in the day for that “reality tv” mess, at least for me anyway re:Pammy.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
3:10 pm
You got it, Celisea!
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
3:11 pm
maybe Robert should meet Pammy. He needs the space and she sure as heyal won’t encroach. Then again maybe Bonefish grill has an early Happy Hour that they are partaking. IJS
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:11 pm
I must be a troll magnet or something. No matter what’s said, I’m always the target of backlash. S/he just jumped all over Willie’s comment about the forthcoming onslaught
Okay, let’s try again….Welcome pammy Welcome! How’s that?
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
3:12 pm
Well to humor all, my first thought with reading that question is if this dude is married, I don’t see why there needs to be any special way to break it off with him being that an affair should not have been had anyway. It’s one thing if you wasn’t aware he was married when the courtship first started but to knowingly want to get involved with a married dude is wrong…but i’m not telling you anything you didn’t already know.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
3:12 pm
@WillieD – unfortunately, I did laugh…Shet it up!
You might be a troll if you’re on here to start mess, not something stupid you’ve done in your life. That misery is all on you!
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
3:14 pm
pammy – So tell us more about the situation then if you’re serious…why would you think he’d become vengeful? Does his wife know about you? How did this courtship start?
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
3:14 pm
czBrat
March 27th, 2012
3:15 pm
pammy, why/how would he be vengeful? do you know enough about him (ex: wife, work) to, um, encourage him to go away peacefully?
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
3:15 pm
Willie –
Yeah, maybe she should do the BIG BREAKUP at Bonefish!LOL!!!
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:16 pm
Kimmie –
I think it’s something personal with me…lol
pammy – Yes, do tell us all about it…here pull up beside me
pammy
March 27th, 2012
3:18 pm
Didn’t know, started very slow, so I was never suspicious. Only fessed up about 11 months in once we started to really heat up, says he is separated, but 5 months after this news, still feels very weird, very uncomfortable, havent been to his apartment, so I’m really beginning to wonder if everything he has been telling me is a lie.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:20 pm
pammy – Why are you talking/writing choppy? I don’t think he’s reading you can just say it…you’re safe here
pammy
March 27th, 2012
3:20 pm
He has some intimate pictures and videos of me, and sometimes he seems very possessive. I just dont think he is going to take this well.
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
3:21 pm
Dang. It’s my fault – I left the door open when I went to my meeting. Unless I’m the only one having deja vu…..
Hey, Willie – I was just scanning to catch up, and I didn’t see my name on the list. IJS…
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
3:22 pm
pammy – ELEVEN MONTHS IN and you’ve NEVER been to his place?????? Hold up! How old are you?
skeeter
March 27th, 2012
3:23 pm
…..just needed his “space” from the wife and four kids and house in the cul-da-sac……
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:23 pm
Slim – It’s a trap! LOL
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
3:23 pm
smh
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
3:23 pm
Well…I never!
Cely, this made me LOL. Reminded me of my great aunt, who is as “little southern old lady” as one can get. My mom asked her a question the other day, and she said, “Well I never! Why, the very idea”
I was rolling in the floor.
Where’s my blog boo today?!?!?!?
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:27 pm
ITL – LOLOLOL… I’m <<>> with her….hmph, the very thought of just have me clutching my pearls…lol
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:27 pm
ITL I had the word “here” between <<>>…so I thought
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
3:28 pm
Laughing at you Celisea = “Slim, it’s a trap…RUN!
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:29 pm
Leggs – I try not to get to close…lol One day I believe one of us will get trollasized. I’m probably first on the list…lol
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
3:30 pm
ITL – my bad, but umm based on the last few days of the blog are you Pammy? j/k j/k j/k
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:30 pm
Well pammy you are not smart because I would take those same photos directly to his wife. That’ll make him sit down somewhere…if he’s threatening you…as you said….so you say
Robert
March 27th, 2012
3:31 pm
@Pammy – “I’ve been seeing a married man”
Robert’s Top 10 – How to Get Rid of a Married Man
1. Stop Sleeping with him (No Sex)
2. Stop taking his money (No Gifts)
3. Stop going out to dinner (No Free Meals)
4. Stop going to the bar/club (No Free Drinks)
5. Stop going to the Mall/Shopping (No Free Clothes)
6. Stop going to the movie (No Free Movie)
7. Stop going to the beauty parlor every week (No Free Hair, Nails, Feet)
8. Stop taking rides to work and home (No Free Rides – Catch the Bus or Subway)
9. Stop being in denial (You Know Right from Wrong)
10 Stop going to his house after you leave the club/bar 2:00am (No Booty Calls)
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
3:33 pm
“The very thought has me clutching my pearls”
ROFLMAO! If we ever meet in person, Cely, remind me to show you the difference between the beauty queen wave and the SOUTHERN beauty queen wave.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
3:33 pm
If he’s married and lives with his wife, I doubt #10 is occurring…IJS
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
3:34 pm
still smh
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:34 pm
ITL – LOL….okay
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
3:35 pm
Leggs – yeah, she said she’s never been to his apt, so #10 ain’t happenin
czBrat
March 27th, 2012
3:36 pm
pammy, if you’re truly done with that situation (no matter how it started and no matter what his story is today) take your lesson learned and move on. unfortunate about the pics, but you’ll have to pray that he not go through with the threat. and if he does, just pray for the strength to get through it and make better choices in the future.
nothing worst than a wasted growth opportunity.
robert, how exactly does #10 work with a married man?
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
3:36 pm
@Willie D: Nope. I have no need to use pseudonyms, and the times I have (as a joke) I’ve made it known that it was me.
czBrat
March 27th, 2012
3:37 pm
worse. just ugh
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
3:38 pm
pammy – So he has all this sexy media of you but you don’t have any pics/videos of him?? Again, how old are you?
Robert
March 27th, 2012
3:38 pm
@Celisea – “I would take those same photos directly to his wife.”
Why would you hurt someone else because of his mistakes. The problem is not between his wife and her. The problem is him cheating on his wife. Pammy needs to recognize this fact and do the right thing and let him go. His wife is innocent and she deserves to be left alone until this mess is resolved.
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
3:42 pm
His wife is innocent and she deserves to be left alone until this mess is resolved
I agree with that. Hurting someone else to get revenge on another is some bad juju.
pammy
March 27th, 2012
3:43 pm
Well, he thinks he’s coming over for an evening of one on one time tonight , and that is when I am going to tell him. The more I talk about this the more stupid, wrong and distasteful it all sounds.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
3:45 pm
Robert, you sound close to the situation. Has something like this happened to you and news got back to your wife/woman?
Really Doe
March 27th, 2012
3:46 pm
Is there any reason for a single woman to have any type of relationship that is more than platonic with a married man. If she thought he was single then found out he was married that is the time that she should leave him alone, if she knew he was married and she still had a relationship with him the she deserves wwhatever hurt that comes.
Robert
March 27th, 2012
3:47 pm
czBrat – “how exactly does #10 work with a married man”
Most married Men I know have a “play pin” or “crib” to hangout. Whether they share the expenses with another Man or use another Man’s “crib” as their “play pin” depends on their level of friendship. For example I have college buddies who have taken advantage of the down housing market and rent 3 bedroom townhouses for little or no money down. Lots of older, mature, experienced Men use this option rather than use hotels/motels.
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
3:47 pm
Something isn’t smelling right. IJS
pammy
March 27th, 2012
3:48 pm
@Robert, I agree, don’t want to cause any more damage than I’ve already done. Just want to end this and move on.
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
3:55 pm
Men really do that?!!?!?!?
skeeter
March 27th, 2012
3:56 pm
what caused that “light” to come on and say, this just ain’t right.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:56 pm
Robert – Don’t get me wrong….I don’t mean to pull anyone in a toxic situation that’s innocent. I will say though by a man being married, HE’S potentially pulling the wife in. Let’s not give him
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
3:56 pm
Robert – 3:47 On behalf of all Married men and soon to be married Men and may one day be married men. I am sending you a Cease and Desist Letter, effective immediately. You sir are crossing the line.
czBrat
March 27th, 2012
3:56 pm
Most married Men I know have a “play pin” or “crib” to hangout.
that’s not what came to my mind when i read “his house”, but ok.
and i will simply overlook the fact that “most” of the married men you know are apparently scum.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:58 pm
Robert – Please understand what I’m saying and where I’m coming from. For a married to pursue and go after another, HE’S THE ONE PUTTING THE WIFE, THE INNOCENT one in a toxic situation. So, no…nothing a mistress can or will do will worsen. Now, what I said and meant is if he’s threatening to hurt me by using pictures to put out in front of everyone and ruin my life, he should know the potential backlash.
Sorry I’m not that big of a person to take and take and take your crap but I can’t render my own. If I say it’s time to go AND you’re the one that will suffer the greatest lost….THEN DON’T THREATEN ME.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
4:00 pm
@pammy, put your cell phone somewhere and record the exchange. Hell, you may wind up with a sex video of your own…I kid, I kid.
Robert
March 27th, 2012
4:01 pm
@Leggs – “Has something like this happened to you and news got back to your wife/woman?”
We live in the technology age and images and pictures of people are posted everywhere (facebook, dating sites, etc.). For example I was at a restaurant with co-workers last year and a woman who was a friend of my woman took my picture with her cell phone and sent it to my woman who re-sent the picture to me. To my surprise she was upset because of the “perception” her friend had caused. Once I explained to her what I was doing and who I was having dinner with she apologized for not trusting me enough to have dinner with co-workers. She also called her friend and told never send her anything about her Man ever again. Things can get out-of-control if you allow pictures and other images to be captured and used against you for any reason.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
4:01 pm
@ Robert.
Men really do that?!!?!?!?
HUH? Is that a trick question…OF COURSE THEY DO THAT!!!!!
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
4:01 pm
So you are gonna take intimate pics for a dude whose apt you have not even been to and NOW you are worried about what he might do.
smh
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
4:03 pm
ok folks, this has gotten too Reality TV’ish for me. Plus I have to go back to being Toby for the rest of the day. good eve.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
4:03 pm
And, I say you may wind up with a sex video of your own, because I think the odds of you saying no, no, no, we are finished to yes, yes, yes, look what you got me doing is high…..Again, IJS
pammy
March 27th, 2012
4:04 pm
@skeeter, I thought this relationship was different, in that I thought we started slow, took our time etc. The night of his “reveal” it just seemed surreal, I couldn’t believe it. Then the stories came and the justifications, and I started to feel that maybe he wasn’t really being 100 percent honest. And separated is still not “divorced” I don’t know, I just don’t like what I’m feeling and to be honest, I’m feeling a little pissed off.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
4:05 pm
@Robert ~ that woman was stupid and looking to conjure up some beef between you and your woman by sending the picture to her friend…straight up gangsta nosey.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
4:06 pm
@pammy ~ how long ago was the night of his “reveal?”
Robert
March 27th, 2012
4:08 pm
czBrat – “that’s not what came to my mind when i read “his house”, but ok. Most married Men I know have a “play pin” or “crib” to hangout. ”
This is the only place he has taken her and she assumes it is where he lives.
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
4:09 pm
“she apologized for not trusting me to have dinner with coworkers”
Again, it’s criticism of the woman for not reacting the way YOU want her to react to your bs and the mess you keep going.
Not buying a bit of this.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
4:09 pm
I disagree, Robert. Bet she knows that’s not his place.
Velonese
March 27th, 2012
4:10 pm
“Dating: How do you ask for space?” We single folk don’t have this problem
But for the sake of the topic, if I were in a relationship, I’d simply ask, “Hey I need some me time”. If the lady were to get up tight or worry why, then it is probably time to kick her into left field, insecure women are a turn off.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
4:11 pm
Robert, modern technology has gotten you in trouble, gf of 2 years wants to travel more with you but you don’t want her too. It’s coming off like you’re a little messy and don’t know how to cover your tracks (lol).
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
4:11 pm
Leggs – Just sent you an email in error….My names auto populate and I didn’t pay attention that it was your name, not “Sharon”
Robert
March 27th, 2012
4:12 pm
@Celisea – I agree. he is putting the “innocent ” in a bad situation by his own actions.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
4:12 pm
@pammy ~ are you going to answer my 4:06?
Velonese
March 27th, 2012
4:13 pm
Honestly I don’t see how some couples can keep their heads lodged up each others rectum 24/7.
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
4:13 pm
Leggs – Messy with a capital M!
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
4:14 pm
No sweat, Celisea! My window pane is set for automatic read without having to open the email.
skeeter
March 27th, 2012
4:16 pm
pammy why don’t you check out Oprah’s network; she has a show about infidelity in a marriage. It seems to cause alot a pain. You are both adults and some actions will yield negative consequences.
Hope it works out for the 3 of you.
Really Doe
March 27th, 2012
4:18 pm
Other woman is always just the other woman. You found he was married so now you became the 2nd or 3rd woman
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
4:18 pm
I’m trying to catch up but pammy I would suggest you two meet out somewhere when you break this news to him. If you think he is possessive, you don’t want to find yourself in a crazy situation. Tell him in a public place and there won’t be an opportunity for any last minute break-up sex either…
i'm swiss
March 27th, 2012
4:19 pm
Afternoon, folks.
On topic: Didn’t read much after page 1, but I pretty much concur with abc. Space, or “me time” or whatever should come organically just based on outside interests.
Off topic: Hey there, ITL. How you doin’, chica?
Robert
March 27th, 2012
4:19 pm
@kimmie – “it’s criticism of the woman for not reacting the way YOU want her to react to your bs and the mess you keep going.”
I am not critizing her. I am praising her for recognizing what had occurred and how she responded to that negative situation from a over zealous friend who was trying to catch me in the act using her cell phone as the judge and the jury.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
4:21 pm
How come (yes how come) I have the feeling that Really Doe is a man?? LOL Po thang
Robert
March 27th, 2012
4:24 pm
@Leggs – “It’s coming off like you’re a little messy and don’t know how to cover your tracks (lol).”
I run a tight ship. I never have to worry about covering my tracks. I never leave any.
pammy
March 27th, 2012
4:24 pm
Everyone, thanks for the comments, I’m heading out now. Scared but determined.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
4:25 pm
“Dat’s all folks” I still think that was a troll having fun…call me a cynic. I don’t EVER put too much in those convos
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
4:26 pm
Heeeeeey, Swiss!!!
Eric
March 27th, 2012
4:28 pm
I think Lady and Leggs need a little time away from the blog. Red flag…when they attempt to dominate this conversation, you can bet you won’t get a word in edge-wise on a date.
Really Doe
March 27th, 2012
4:30 pm
All woman and a regular I just do not approve of pammy’s or her “man” actions.
i'm swiss
March 27th, 2012
4:30 pm
How was your weekend, ITL? Do anything naughty?
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
4:33 pm
I had a wonderful weekend, Swiss….. Did I do anything naughty? Let’s put it this way: I had to make an emergency run to the chiropractor yesterday….
I kid, I kid. I was rearranging furniture, not REARRANGING furniture. LOL
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
4:33 pm
@pammy ~ don’t be scared, answer my 4:06.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
4:35 pm
@Eric ~ I really try not to dominate anything. I answer posts that come my way and give my opinion on others. That’s why I’m here. If it looks that way to you, take off your glasses. Some days some posters post more than others. And since this isn’t a verbal exchange, remmeber all you have to do is type and your post will go through.
Peace! Time to go!
i'm swiss
March 27th, 2012
4:36 pm
ITL — Rearranging furniture, eh? Well, you know, I am an e-z boy. Wanna come rearrange me?
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
4:37 pm
Alright nah, and on that note (of the ez boy) I’m out.
Night folks
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
4:40 pm
You know I do, Swiss….
I’ll bring the furniture oil, to make sure you’re well, um, polished. 
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
4:40 pm
Night, Cely.
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
4:41 pm
Eric – Just like getting into a cold pool, you just have to jump in sometimes.
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
4:42 pm
Eric – Just like getting into a cold pool, you just have to jump in sometimes
Only no shrinkage.
i'm swiss
March 27th, 2012
4:43 pm
You beat me to it, ITL…
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
4:45 pm
Swissykins, how many times must I tell you?!?!? I am a girl YOU!
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
4:45 pm
ITL –
I’ll never look at dusting & polishing furniture the same way again 
i'm swiss
March 27th, 2012
4:47 pm
“I am a girl YOU!”
ITL — So, what you’re saying is that if we were to have relations, it would technically only be masturbating…
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
4:49 pm
LOL@Slim!
@Swiss: You are correct.
I think it also makes us somewhat narcissistic, but who cares?!?!? So long as you don’t go peering into any ponds, you should be fine. 
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
4:50 pm
And yes, there is an “r” in “peering”
i'm swiss
March 27th, 2012
4:51 pm
ITL — Thanks for the clarification. For a second there, I though you were wanting me to go all “R. Kelly” on you.
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
4:53 pm
Not unless you’re ready to die, Swiss. And you know my blog girls will help me hide the body.
i'm swiss
March 27th, 2012
4:55 pm
So, you’re saying you’d f___ me to death?
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
4:58 pm
Wow, on that note I think i’ll leave you two, the Pledge and Feather duster alone. Yall’s have a guud ‘un now
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
4:59 pm
Swiss, if you weren’t married I just might be willing to try.
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
5:00 pm
Aw, Slim….don’t leave. You know we’re just playin’.
i'm swiss
March 27th, 2012
5:02 pm
I feel like Andy Kaufman.
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
5:05 pm
Off to the gym so Gooood night
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
5:06 pm
LOL@Swiss. “Here I come to save the day!!!!”
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
5:10 pm
Good night, Slim.
Au revoir, Swiss….
i'm swiss
March 27th, 2012
5:10 pm
I was thinking more along the lines of the “Inter-Gender Wrestling Champion of the World.” Or in this case, the “Intra-Blog Pdu$$y Hound of the Year”