Dating: How do you ask for space?
It is common and perfectly normal to want to spend every waking moment with someone you are crazy about. A new romance means things are hot and heavy, right? What happens when you are ready to slip into a routine with more balance, but your partner is stuck on hot and heavy?
How do you ask someone to give you a little space without totally derailing the “budding” relationship that is still growing? If you want a little less together time, does that necessarily mean you aren’t into the person anymore?
My friend told me he was down with the whole “see each other every weekend plan” in the beginning, but his lady is clinging to that pattern tighter than he is. He still really likes her, but wondered if he pulls away a bit, would she consider that a red flag he isn’t interested.
Obviously he has to be honest with her, but I am curious if others have been in this situation. What did you do or say when you wanted space but not spaaaaaacce?
Happy Tuesday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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280 comments Add your comment
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:56 pm
WD
where are the men though WD?!? Glad you popped in too!
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
2:58 pm
Willie – LOL!!! You better recognize!! Please don’t come to me with the bs cause I’ve seen it all!!
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
2:58 pm
Bout to be back on the market (unfortunately)
WD – Unless you know something I don’t, that was an EX i spoke of that acted that way…the current beau and I are on good terms so Please don’t jinx me
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:58 pm
C that is my whole point you tolerate foolishness it is on you~ POW! LOL but still he needs to be honest but folks lie and hide and not be forthcoming all the time and the relationship still carries on. #truestory
Alrighty good people its been a better productive day! Peace out~ BBQ Time! yay!
Robert
March 27th, 2012
2:58 pm
@Kimmie – “if she’s THAT wonderful, why would you not want the kids to meet her?”
Over the past 2 years she has met my children when appropriate (birthday’s, holidays’, etc.) and they respect her. She has traveled with me to see them many times. She feels leftout and neglected because she wants to do more for the children and travel with me all the time because she cares about us learning how to live as a blended family. In regard to my children’s Mother there is no conflict of interest (no booty calls, etc.). Everybody wants what is best for the children.
pammy
March 27th, 2012
2:59 pm
I’ve been seeing a married man for a year and a half now. I like him a lot but have finally come to my senses and I want to break it off with him. How do I do that in the best way? I’m scared he might try to get a bit vengeful.
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
3:01 pm
no comment
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
3:03 pm
@WillieD ~ I need to slap your hand with a ruler (lol).
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:04 pm
WillieD – breaking out that shell and she DOES have a semi wild side but you’d never hear that from her.
Well…I never! I kid I sooo kid….ha Like Amer Ex said it best, “membership has it’s priviledges”
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
3:04 pm
Don’t claim that for Slim. NOPE!
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:05 pm
Lady – You’re so right. Zero tolerance level on BS….let ‘em take it any way they want.
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
3:05 pm
I hope that isn’t a certain someone just trying to change the topic…sounds like a pretty BS question…but if this is a true issue, then Welcome, I guess.
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
3:06 pm
Leggs – I should report that comment lol jkbnr
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
3:06 pm
Cel – think I better wait until I have some space before i open.
Slim – Sorry, No jinxes I am pulling for you to stay OFF the market.
Kimmie – I already know.
Pammy – I think you better prepare for the onslaught that is about to come your way. From the blog ladies that is.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
3:06 pm
Glad to hear that part, Robert. I also understand that she can’t come along ALL the time, and you’re giving me the impression that she wants to come along ALL the time when you leave to visit your children. Well, if that’s true, I think she needs to step back a little and give you time with your children.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:08 pm
I say we ASSUME pammy is a troll and just ignore her. Sometimes I think that’s torture enough.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
3:09 pm
@pammy ~ girl, I can’t even throw you a vest….
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:09 pm
So I guess with Robert’s last post, what was the initial conflict? That post sounds like it’s all good, just a matter of things coming together. I will still say though, at this point nothing left to do but get it done.
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
3:10 pm
Leggs- only if you have the Catholic nun uniform on when you slap my hand.
pammy
March 27th, 2012
3:10 pm
Stupid mistakes don’t make me a troll. Just gullible.
czBrat
March 27th, 2012
3:10 pm
HiYas.
work load finally winding down. desperately in need of a distraction. yous still on shopping? of course not.
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
3:10 pm
Leggs – Something still isn’t right to me. I don’t see what the problem is, if she’s suppose to be so great. But that’s me.
Willie – It’s too late in the day for that “reality tv” mess, at least for me anyway re:Pammy.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
3:10 pm
You got it, Celisea!
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
3:11 pm
maybe Robert should meet Pammy. He needs the space and she sure as heyal won’t encroach. Then again maybe Bonefish grill has an early Happy Hour that they are partaking. IJS
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:11 pm
I must be a troll magnet or something. No matter what’s said, I’m always the target of backlash. S/he just jumped all over Willie’s comment about the forthcoming onslaught
Okay, let’s try again….Welcome pammy Welcome! How’s that?
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
3:12 pm
Well to humor all, my first thought with reading that question is if this dude is married, I don’t see why there needs to be any special way to break it off with him being that an affair should not have been had anyway. It’s one thing if you wasn’t aware he was married when the courtship first started but to knowingly want to get involved with a married dude is wrong…but i’m not telling you anything you didn’t already know.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
3:12 pm
@WillieD – unfortunately, I did laugh…Shet it up!
You might be a troll if you’re on here to start mess, not something stupid you’ve done in your life. That misery is all on you!
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
3:14 pm
pammy – So tell us more about the situation then if you’re serious…why would you think he’d become vengeful? Does his wife know about you? How did this courtship start?
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
3:14 pm
czBrat
March 27th, 2012
3:15 pm
pammy, why/how would he be vengeful? do you know enough about him (ex: wife, work) to, um, encourage him to go away peacefully?
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
3:15 pm
Willie –
Yeah, maybe she should do the BIG BREAKUP at Bonefish!LOL!!!
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:16 pm
Kimmie –
I think it’s something personal with me…lol
pammy – Yes, do tell us all about it…here pull up beside me
pammy
March 27th, 2012
3:18 pm
Didn’t know, started very slow, so I was never suspicious. Only fessed up about 11 months in once we started to really heat up, says he is separated, but 5 months after this news, still feels very weird, very uncomfortable, havent been to his apartment, so I’m really beginning to wonder if everything he has been telling me is a lie.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:20 pm
pammy – Why are you talking/writing choppy? I don’t think he’s reading you can just say it…you’re safe here
pammy
March 27th, 2012
3:20 pm
He has some intimate pictures and videos of me, and sometimes he seems very possessive. I just dont think he is going to take this well.
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
3:21 pm
Dang. It’s my fault – I left the door open when I went to my meeting. Unless I’m the only one having deja vu…..
Hey, Willie – I was just scanning to catch up, and I didn’t see my name on the list. IJS…
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
3:22 pm
pammy – ELEVEN MONTHS IN and you’ve NEVER been to his place?????? Hold up! How old are you?
skeeter
March 27th, 2012
3:23 pm
…..just needed his “space” from the wife and four kids and house in the cul-da-sac……
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:23 pm
Slim – It’s a trap! LOL
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
3:23 pm
smh
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
3:23 pm
Well…I never!
Cely, this made me LOL. Reminded me of my great aunt, who is as “little southern old lady” as one can get. My mom asked her a question the other day, and she said, “Well I never! Why, the very idea”
I was rolling in the floor.
Where’s my blog boo today?!?!?!?
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:27 pm
ITL – LOLOLOL… I’m <<>> with her….hmph, the very thought of just have me clutching my pearls…lol
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:27 pm
ITL I had the word “here” between <<>>…so I thought
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
3:28 pm
Laughing at you Celisea = “Slim, it’s a trap…RUN!
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:29 pm
Leggs – I try not to get to close…lol One day I believe one of us will get trollasized. I’m probably first on the list…lol
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
3:30 pm
ITL – my bad, but umm based on the last few days of the blog are you Pammy? j/k j/k j/k
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
3:30 pm
Well pammy you are not smart because I would take those same photos directly to his wife. That’ll make him sit down somewhere…if he’s threatening you…as you said….so you say
Robert
March 27th, 2012
3:31 pm
@Pammy – “I’ve been seeing a married man”
Robert’s Top 10 – How to Get Rid of a Married Man
1. Stop Sleeping with him (No Sex)
2. Stop taking his money (No Gifts)
3. Stop going out to dinner (No Free Meals)
4. Stop going to the bar/club (No Free Drinks)
5. Stop going to the Mall/Shopping (No Free Clothes)
6. Stop going to the movie (No Free Movie)
7. Stop going to the beauty parlor every week (No Free Hair, Nails, Feet)
8. Stop taking rides to work and home (No Free Rides – Catch the Bus or Subway)
9. Stop being in denial (You Know Right from Wrong)
10 Stop going to his house after you leave the club/bar 2:00am (No Booty Calls)
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
3:33 pm
“The very thought has me clutching my pearls”
ROFLMAO! If we ever meet in person, Cely, remind me to show you the difference between the beauty queen wave and the SOUTHERN beauty queen wave.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
3:33 pm
If he’s married and lives with his wife, I doubt #10 is occurring…IJS