Dating: How do you ask for space?
It is common and perfectly normal to want to spend every waking moment with someone you are crazy about. A new romance means things are hot and heavy, right? What happens when you are ready to slip into a routine with more balance, but your partner is stuck on hot and heavy?
How do you ask someone to give you a little space without totally derailing the “budding” relationship that is still growing? If you want a little less together time, does that necessarily mean you aren’t into the person anymore?
My friend told me he was down with the whole “see each other every weekend plan” in the beginning, but his lady is clinging to that pattern tighter than he is. He still really likes her, but wondered if he pulls away a bit, would she consider that a red flag he isn’t interested.
Obviously he has to be honest with her, but I am curious if others have been in this situation. What did you do or say when you wanted space but not spaaaaaacce?
Happy Tuesday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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280 comments Add your comment
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
12:25 pm
lol hey ITL!!!!!!!!!!! great shoe selections honey!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am down for Ritas!!!!!!!!!!! always!
czBrat
March 27th, 2012
12:26 pm
so busy lmao after just the first paragraph of this topic. don’t know if i’ll be able to get through it AND read the comments, but i’ll try.
this hits uncomfortably close to home.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
12:28 pm
Slim – I LOVE their Lasagna. I’ve had a couple of other dishes but usually if I’m hungry and want to get it right, no guessing…Lasagna
There’s a range. The standard pasta dishes start around 13 bucks moving up from there. Not too bad though I don’t think.
ITL – Now now, you know I’m a “virgin” drinker…ha! I’ll have a diet coke…………or something
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
12:29 pm
lol
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
12:30 pm
Lady – Glad you liked them!
Cely – Mmmm-hmmm. If you say so.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
12:32 pm
ITL – You DID NOT mention Cami Cakes right? LOL I love those and that just doesn’t help with my sweet in-take recovery…LOL We have those here sometimes instead of “Piece of Cake” Simply divine!
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
12:33 pm
The miniature cup cakes
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
12:34 pm
Slim – Next time go for Maggiano’s. I LOVE that place!
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
12:34 pm
@Celisea ~ I saw this very nice dress in Chico’s that would have accentuated my body nicely. It was a very nice sundress for $189. I didn’t buy it, but I wanted to.
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
12:36 pm
Leggs – Chico’s have really nice stuff and can get steep in prices. Yeah, that’s a bit much. Ever look at their underwear?
czBrat
March 27th, 2012
12:47 pm
ok. so topic has already moved on to summer shopping.
just as well. digging up details on the many discussions we’ve had about “me” time would just bum me out anyway.
kimmie, luv your 10:45, though. very well said.
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
12:49 pm
Cel – Oh ok, we may have to check that out soon then. As much as I love a good lasagna, I would feel a bit awkward ordering that out if i’m with the beau because he makes a pretty good homemade lasagna. I’d have to do that out with the girls or something lolol
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
12:59 pm
<—— now craving a mini Cami cake.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
1:00 pm
ILT how did cupcakes become soooooo popular?!? They are running the social scenes! 0_o
Okay seriously have the men stop blogging?!? Did I miss a memo?!? lol
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:03 pm
“… how did cupcakes become soooooo popular?!? – could be some people feel less guilt eating a cupcake than a thick slice of cake (lol).
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
1:04 pm
oh I guess Leggs it stillis a guilty pleasure though #shrugs they are even getting cupcake vending machines! #wow
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:04 pm
If you put stats, surveys, analysis reports out, the men will jump through hoops to blog!
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:05 pm
@Lady, probably where mini cupcakes come into play. A little taste can’t be as bad as an entire cupcake/slice of cake.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
1:08 pm
its a mind thing but if you eating 5 to 10 minis mind as well bake a cake lol I am going to do bake a carrot cake for Easter………………….it will be a 1st
Into the Light
March 27th, 2012
1:09 pm
sn: Anybody know a good hit man?!?!?
Okay, I’m kidding. I don’t want to kill anyone, but if I could arrange a 10-year sabbatical in Iceland for a certain someone, I would be the happiest girl in the world!!!
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
1:11 pm
LOL ITL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:11 pm
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/first-grade-student-trouble-fake-100-bills-article-1.1035448
Poor Grandma!
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
1:12 pm
ITL – I’m soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not touching that because if you ask again, I might be willing to split the cost….lol Let me know though what you find out about Iceland…ha! I kid I kid
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:13 pm
@ITL certain jokes you don’t want to put in print on a blog! That would be one of them (lol).
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
1:13 pm
Leggs children will keep you in some mess LOLOLOL but where she get that from lol #dead
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:17 pm
Now here comes a conspirator. Bet the FBT’s “hotline phone” is ringing…
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:19 pm
First grader trying to make it rain at school!
Robert
March 27th, 2012
1:30 pm
“What did you do or say when you wanted space”
This is a good question. We both have “passion and desire” for each other. Sometimes she becomes emotional (clingy) and lets her feeling get in the way which can affect her judgement. For example I have children who live in another City which means I have a responsibility to travel on weekends to see my children as a concerned parent would do. My friend feels insecure and feels she should be included whether or not it is appropriate for her to be involved in the childrens lives at this time. I do not take women around my children unless we plan to be marrried and living together. My friend is very aware of my situation and at first was very supportive of me being involved in my childrens lives. Know she is less supportive because she feels leftout and neglected. I really like her and I do not want to lose her. Any advice?
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
1:33 pm
Do you see yourself marrying her one day Robert?!?
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:38 pm
My friend feels insecure and feels she should be included whether or not it is appropriate for her to be involved in the childrens lives at this time
I mean no disrespect, but that’s a crazy statement. If she’s not in the kids’ lives, why travel with you? This is the time for you and your children, and if you and the mother are truly not involved in any hanky panky, she should be secure and comforted that you a man who is involved in your children’s life. You aren’t regulating her to a corner to stay still while you travel. You have kids and they need to spend time with their father, not his quarterly flavor of the month (not saying that’s what you have going on). Hopefully you see what I’m saying…ok, I’m gonna sit down now.
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
1:38 pm
Robert – Also, how long have you two been dating?
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
1:46 pm
Robert – See to me, what you are describing is not really “me” time or space, it’s “responsibility”. That’s a whole different ballgame. I would not begrudge any man from handling his business and seeing about his kids. In fact, that would be a requirement if he had kids. Deadbeat dads are not attractive to me.
Having said that, I have actually had men to use “spending time with their kids or mama” as an excuse for not spending time with me. What am I suppose to say when you come and tell me you have to go & see about your kids or parent? Even if it’s the 10th date in a row you’ve broken with me so you can do this? See where I’m going with this?
Take a good look at yourself and make sure your intentions are honorable. You are not the 1st single dad to date. If you are communicating with her about your feelings about bringing dates around your kids at this stage in your relationship, if you are being honest, if you are setting aside quality time with her, that’s all you can do. If after all that, then maybe she needs to find someone without kids and someone who needs to be all up on each other 24/7. There are folks like that and maybe she’d be more suited for that type of guy.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:48 pm
year
Celisea
March 27th, 2012
1:51 pm
As it relates to Robert’s situation….I’m agreeing with the different comments. Not saying this negative IN ANY FORM AT ALL, but you men need to stop laying on a woman being “too emotional” when you can’t find a happy medium for you both. Any woman in her right mind will speak up for her own cause.
I agree, kudos for any man taking responsibility for his kids and what not but at the same time, if you’re trying to start something anew or a relationship with a woman, you have to learn balance and how to factor in all parties involved. Too, too many use it as a crutch and opportunity for having the best of both worlds.
Not saying this is what you’re doing but you should at least be understanding of why she may become emotional in this sort of set up.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
1:53 pm
good 1 C! That is why I ask what I ask. At what point does she become relevant to your kids and whole life.
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
1:55 pm
Bingo Celisea!
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
1:55 pm
I have actually had men to use “spending time with their kids or mama” as an excuse for not spending time with me
kimmie – My cousin used to date a dude like this…but what was funny was even if he did go pick up his kids, he was not the one spending time with them. They would be at his MAMA’S house or with his sister while he went out partying it up around the town.
Leggs
March 27th, 2012
1:55 pm
Slim has the right question…how long have they been dating????
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
1:56 pm
Can’t lie I was very guarded with opening up and having a relationship that included my child. Took all of six years but I did come to a point to say whomever I am with I want them to have a healthy relationship with my child. A balance. Not a replacement of parent not even a step-parent but a mate that acknowledges my child and myself as a family.
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
1:58 pm
Slim – Sounds like me & your cousin were dating the same dude!!
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
1:58 pm
and can come around us and have family time without any set rules or regulations. I introduced my ex husband to my S/O and it went well. just be responsible but only a parent can gauge what is in their comfort level.
Willie Dynamite
March 27th, 2012
1:58 pm
Afternoon All,
This is a really good topic that deserves some conversation between the parties involved. In any relationship Me Time is very imprtant and at the same time a moving target. There are times when you just want to be alone/away. There are times when really even if you feel that way its probably best that you don’t. Men are very fickle in that we don’t always communicate that need. We do take for granted that unless we communicate that need that sometimes Women will read other scenarios into it. We also hae the tendency to treat relationships as on demand. We want what we want when we want it.For new relationships this can either be very easy or very hard depending on the folks involved. I personally say to have constant communication as a way to thwart the ‘we need to talk’ conversations. The I need space conversation taken at face value can be very difficult depending on HOW you present the topic.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:01 pm
Exactly WD!!!!! good post! that was so below surface!
Slim's got the fever!
March 27th, 2012
2:02 pm
Leggs – I’m waiting on the answer to that question because if they’ve been dating for years, I would most definitely have an issue not meeting the kids at some point regardless if we were engaged or not even considering marriage. Now if this is some new courtship, then I agree with the gf being involved with the kids right now.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:04 pm
Slim my thought process is long term. A long term relationship at some point should include kids.
kimmie
March 27th, 2012
2:04 pm
Willie – Great post – we need you men on here to break it down like that and hear your perspective.
Slim – I agree, the length of time they’ve dated is very relevant.
Robert
March 27th, 2012
2:05 pm
@ Lady – Do you see yourself marrying her one day ?
She is a wonderful person and it is truly a “joy” to be in her presence. Based on my life I am not worthy of such a blessing. I can only hope and pray she would want to marry someone like me someday.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:06 pm
I see Robert~
So you need to kind of work on you more per se and that is a good thing if you are aware of that.
Robert
March 27th, 2012
2:07 pm
@Slims Got The Fever” – how long have you two been dating?
We have been dating for over 2 years.
Lady~
March 27th, 2012
2:07 pm
I was the same way Robert. I wasn’t heal so bringing someone around my child would have meant nothing then and I didn’t