Online dating: Safety first?
Dating websites are trying to play a more active role in weeding out the criminals, sexual predators and con artists. A recent press release announced that some efforts are being made for consumer protection: “providers eHarmony, Match.com and Spark Networks will protect their members through the use of online safety tools, including checking subscribers against national sex offender registries and by providing a rapid abuse reporting system for members.”
It has been years since I have tried online dating but I attribute it to more of my laziness then my fear of meeting people from the internet. We have all heard scary stories, yet I can not ignore the fact that many friends and relatives have met, dated, and married people they met through online dating.
At the end of the day, we have to make smart and safe choices when we invite strangers into our lives. In this modern age of technology, what are ways you protect yourself in dating?
Just because you meet someone face to face doesn’t guarantee their sanity or your safety. Do you use the same caution as you would with online dating?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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168 comments Add your comment
disco
March 21st, 2012
11:16 am
bluz – my point is to remember that just like folks say “what you do to get them is what you have to do to keep them” there’s a little something to be said for where you meet them too. now that line of thinking doesn’t generally carry a lot of weight but some folks are committed to their activities (be it the bars and clubs or be it the person who is in church 5 days a week) and you have to acknowledge and accept that. if you meet a guy while he’s training for a decathlon or something don’t think that might be the only one. he may be in a constant state of training for some event or another for the next umpteen years.
Bluzgirl
March 21st, 2012
11:20 am
Agreed. It is hard to find a good balance…I’m really into the live music scene (especially blues) and I want a man who is also into it, but not too much to where he wants to spend so much time out at bars. I’m ok with occasionally when there is a good show, but I’m over the whole having to go out every Fri and Sat night. For now, I’m not really interested in dating and when I am, I’m going to put a lot of it into God’s hands (which I haven’t really done before). I feel like the right guy will find me…I don’t have to go searching for him! I just have to make myself available.
czBrat
March 21st, 2012
11:20 am
thinking of places i would absolutely NOT entertain even a remote possibility of vibing with a dude:
prison (if you’re an inmate)
homeless shelter (if you’re a resident)
sanitorium (if you’re a patient)
jerry springer’s set (if you’re a guest or member of the audience)
….
Leggs
March 21st, 2012
11:21 am
@Bluz ~ someone told me to give yourself a set amount of time you want to spend online dating. If it doesn’t pan out for you within your specified amount of time, give it up. My subscription expires in June and please believe I will NOT be renewing.
Celisea
March 21st, 2012
11:23 am
czBrat – That’s just location. The most insane are those on the sidewalks and out and about.
Lady~
March 21st, 2012
11:24 am
“what you do to get them is what you have to do to keep them” <<<<so true!
O/T: How many birthday events are you invited to in a year and how many do you frequent with your mates?!? Its amazing how adults are making birthday events this and that and expect you to be there or you get a eye roll then if you have a mate that feels they need to be at each and every one……its draining to me but to your point disco how you got is how you keep them give or take its a foundation. wow
Celisea
March 21st, 2012
11:26 am
If crazy was captured, institutionalized, or confined somewhere..anywhere, we wouldn’t be having this conversation today.
I don’t do online dating. I’d much rather meet someone in person and see how we vibe. Yes, crazy is crazy is crazy (or whatever choice of word you prefer) but it’s face to face, you can nip that much quicker than hiding behind the screen.
disco
March 21st, 2012
11:27 am
brat – and jailhouse weddings are as popular as ever. those inmates be pulling chicks with that jailhouse poetry. also, I’ve known (or heard of) a few women who simply thought of the homeless men as fixer uppers. took them in, cleaned them up and now they are proud of their new man. no comment on the other two. wait – I do have a comment on jerry springer. a week or so ago a friend told me she was watching springer. I didn’t even realize it still came on!!!
Leggs
March 21st, 2012
11:27 am
czB ~ come on now, what’s wrong with visiting the set of Jerry Springer and sitting in the audience…girl, I am cracking up over here.
czBrat
March 21st, 2012
11:28 am
Celisea, i take it as a sign of weakness if you expose your crazy to the point of getting yourself committed.
Celisea
March 21st, 2012
11:30 am
Orrrrr, crazy caught…lol
At any rate, as Bluzgirl said, let God be your guide. No matter how much crazy hide, he’ll bring it up. He’ll sharpen your senses. He’ll give you the eye to look past what’s concealed.
Celisea
March 21st, 2012
11:33 am
And there’s a difference in googling someone and finding out something they may not have concealed. IMO, that’s just information…do with it what you like…lol If though, I find another family, awholenother person, a quiverfull of kids you’ve created, solicitation, trafficking…so forth and so on, then THAT’S when I get to moving.
czBrat
March 21st, 2012
11:37 am
absolutely, disco. real cool (and occasionally) innocent guys behind bars all over the place. and truly wonderful dudes fall on hard times (and soon after, hard cots), but there’s only so much work i’m willing to put into landing a good man. i simply haven’t the wherewithal nor patience.
lol @ leggs. the idea of a dude enjoying springer-type entertainment reminds of someone’s post earlier about the folks that crave drama. uh-uh!!
Bluzgirl
March 21st, 2012
11:40 am
I googled myself recently just to see what pops up if anyone happens to google me and it’s all great stuff that I’m involved in! I hope men google potential mates, cause I’ll show up at the top of their list.
czBrat
March 21st, 2012
11:42 am
and if you tell me you have ever been a plaintiff or defendant on one of those tv court shows, i just might take a couple steps back and raise one brow at you. ijs.
DreamsMaterialize
March 21st, 2012
11:48 am
Morning everyone
Looks like this horse has been beaten and agreed upon. There is no venue with a monopoly on “crazy”, so take the proper precautions no matter what you do.
I feel like the right guy will find me…I don’t have to go searching for him! I just have to make myself available.
Bluz
Would you not say that you have an exponentially better chance of finding what you want if you are proactive in the search, whether it’s dating, a job, a house, or anything else? If you just wait around for life to happen to you, then you can’t complain about what you get.
Sassy Me..I'm on one! ;-)
March 21st, 2012
11:51 am
If you just wait around for life to happen to you, then you can’t complain about what you get.
church….
Bluzgirl
March 21st, 2012
11:53 am
@Dreams…well…I will be proactive when the time is right for me. I just haven’t had much luck in picking men out myself. I’d rather have some help with God in leading me to him this time around!
Robert
March 21st, 2012
11:54 am
“In this modern age of technology, what are ways you protect yourself in dating?”
Robert’s Rules of Dating – Top 10 (internet, bookstore, etc.)
1. Never give your phone number to strangers
2. Never give your address to strangers
3. Never tell where you work
4. Never discuss your children or family
5. Never discuss loaning or receiving money
6. Never travel over 5 miles to meet someone you just met
7. Never get in a strangers car
8. Never give your facebook address
9. Never date more than one person at a time
10 Never meet someone for dinner without your own money and ride home
disco
March 21st, 2012
12:00 pm
dreams – that’s that double edged sword right there. you know the old timers will tell you everything from “let him find you” to “it’ll happen when you stop looking”. my grandmother used to say if it’s for you, you’ll get it. that’s the one I live by simply because what worked for someone else may not be what works for you. I have a friend who married her next door neighbor but I’d never suggest that folks start boning their neighbors. you may very well meet the love of your life while you are doing absolutely nothing of note. being proactive (i.e. going out looking for a man) could read like you are trying too hard. mind you I’m not agreeing or disagreeing with the statement, I’m just explaining why I called it a double edged sword.
Leggs
March 21st, 2012
12:05 pm
I feel like the right guy will find me…I don’t have to go searching for him! I just have to make myself available. – I operated along that thinking for a long time and I still do to a point. However,
Bluz
Would you not say that you have an exponentially better chance of finding what you want if you are proactive in the search,… – ABSOLUTELY. In my case, it’s never too late. Just jump in the current and do your best to stay afloat…navigating dem waters ain’t easy…
Leggs
March 21st, 2012
12:08 pm
@Robert ~ I’ll add #11. Don’t mention the gender of your child in the beginning. And live by #10!!!
czBrat
March 21st, 2012
12:12 pm
disco & dreams have me laughing at myself. for a year or so during my divorce i vowed to have nothing to do with any man. i had a home-based business then, so other than soccer practice with the kids and runs to the grocery store, i had very little contact with the general public.
and, um, i did some hella online shopping.
at some point i remember the UPS man started looking real good to me. that was an anderson cooper look-a-like at my door probably three times a week.
yeah. don’t step out before you’re ready, but please don’t sit around waiting for mr. right to show up at your door. you could end up making some really poor choices.
Leggs
March 21st, 2012
12:20 pm
Not only that, czB, she’ll end up with a couple of cats. I too sat around after my divorce and looked up one day and realized I bought a helluva lot of shoes.
czBrat
March 21st, 2012
12:27 pm
and realized I bought a helluva lot of shoes.
Lady~
March 21st, 2012
12:35 pm
Interesting………
czBrat
March 21st, 2012
12:37 pm
must be lunch time.
off topic: just realized that i’m beginning my full fledged 12-month plan to join the exodus from suburbia.
*** happy dance ***
Celisea
March 21st, 2012
12:45 pm
My 11:33…revealed no concealed
Lady~
March 21st, 2012
12:52 pm
hey C!
Exiled!
March 21st, 2012
12:53 pm
Robert’s list is helpful
Sadly tho,grown folks do Stupid stuff(with capital S) especially when impatience and desperation set in.
Put heavy cobwebs in place of desperation on that line above.
Yea,those itch starters are a beotch! They are the reason why a lone man sitting in an Internet cafe in Nigeria will con a seemingly smart woman in America outa of thousands of dollars.
That desire to have a hard one inside of ur nether!
Desperation and desire…
The terrible twins!
Hey folks missing u!
Celisea
March 21st, 2012
12:55 pm
Hey Lady!!
czBrat
March 21st, 2012
1:04 pm
ooh. thanx for the reminder, me-lo.
adding to the list ….
if you’re a foreigner in need of a sponsor to the u.s. you gets a
potential mateLady~
March 21st, 2012
1:07 pm
it can start raining right now and I will rejoice to the high heavens! #random ready to go.
Lady~
March 21st, 2012
1:08 pm
czBrat lmbao…………….the man i spoke of earlier with my great aunt was a church man that love money by any means and I guess the terrible twins won! 0_o wow
Lady~
March 21st, 2012
1:14 pm
wow the sun came out! lol
Slim's got the fever!
March 21st, 2012
1:45 pm
Good afternoon,
WOW, it’s almost 2 and yall are only on page 2…I haven’t read any of the post but it doesn’t seem to be too much going on round deez herrr parts
Garry Ann Brown
March 21st, 2012
1:54 pm
I have tried online dating off and on for several years now. My best experience was a few years ago (2004). I signed up during a trial period with match.com and communicated with a guy who was also trying it out. We talked for almsot two weeks just online at first and finally met at a public place. We hit it off. As it turned out, he was all that he said he was; lived where he said he did and worked where he said he worked and looked exactly like the pic he posted (imagine that!). Our relationship lasted for nearly three years until I had to move away regretably. The long distance thing worked for almost a year and then we slowly drifted apart.
My friends thought I was krazy to try it and I was cautious but it worked in my favor.
Recently, however, I’ve been turned off by using that site and others like “black people meet’. First of all, not many guys post their pics and don’t share that much info OR those that do, start off with “hey baby” or some other absurb greeting that sends me running the other way.
Sassy Me..I'm on one! ;-)
March 21st, 2012
1:54 pm
I know Slim…I’s jus thinkin the same thing. Wonder wha had happened?..
kimmie
March 21st, 2012
1:59 pm
Hey folks, afternoon!
What’s up? Just bought 2 cute purses on my lunch hour. Hey, it’s payday & I’m treating myself.
Slim's got the fever!
March 21st, 2012
2:01 pm
Sassy – Maybe more folks are dipping off to great vacations unlike me who is stuck in this office like a jailbird.
On topic – I haven’t had much experience with online dating. Yes I met the current beau back when myspace was kicking but it was because I was scoping out dudes on there.
First of all, not many guys post their pics and don’t share that much info OR those that do, start off with “hey baby” or some other absurb greeting that sends me running the other way
Garry – personally I think some dudes just do the bare minimum in order to create a page for the simple purpose of browsing chicks online. Just my opinion…
disco
March 21st, 2012
2:09 pm
big ups kimmie. congrats on your purses.
slim – I wouldn’t be surprised if some guys did put just enough on there to see if any fish were biting. chances are somebody is going to respond even to the online busters. like ex said, loneliness and desperation are some bad boys especially when they work together.
Slim's got the fever!
March 21st, 2012
2:11 pm
disco – I know some years ago i did the bare minimum on a site just to see what it was about and somehow I still got hits, winks, msgs or what have you…didn’t even put a picture up or said much of anything about myself at all.
Leggs
March 21st, 2012
2:16 pm
Well, thank goodness online dating isn’t as taboo as it used to be.
@Slim – that bare minimum, along with no pic, will have me skipping over your page.
Slim's got the fever!
March 21st, 2012
2:20 pm
Leggs – Yeah, I wasn’t creating that page to meet people, was just checking the site out. But if I was seriously looking then I’d skip over pages like that as well. No need for me to try to guess what you look like and guess who you are. No time or energy for that.
Sassy Me..I'm on one! ;-)
March 21st, 2012
2:20 pm
Maybe more folks are dipping off to great vacations unlike me who is stuck in this office like a jailbird.
Maybe so…I swear I see “virtual tumbleweeds” blowing up in hurr…
chances are somebody is going to respond even to the online busters.
I wish those thirsty chicks would get some pride and a backbone and igg them fools cause they make it harder for the bonafide ones out there.
disco
March 21st, 2012
2:22 pm
leggs – still I wish I could rely on a good old fashioned “hook up” every now and again. somebody who has been pre-screened by someone you trust. you know the “I know somebody you should meet”. I happen to be a fairly decent matchmaker but my friends – I’ve learned the hard way – cannot be trusted with a hookup. they are awful. one wanted to hook me up with her brother in law who had recently moved to town and was staying with her and her husband. I think she was really just trying to push him off on me so she could maybe get him out of her house. he showed up on the first (and only) date late and reeking of alcohol. another friend wanted to hook me up with a guy who still lived with his ex because “supposedly” neither of them could afford to move. a co-worker hooked me up with her cousin and I suggested a visit to the zoo for the date. he pulled a dr. dolittle and talked to the animals. it didn’t take long for that to just be plain weird.
Slim's got the fever!
March 21st, 2012
2:27 pm
Sometime dating is fun and sometimes it just plain sucks ass
Sassy Me..I'm on one! ;-)
March 21st, 2012
2:28 pm
he pulled a dr. dolittle and talked to the animals.
Did he reek of alcohol
I can understand a cute comment once in a while but if dude is carrying on full convos with the animals then that would’ve weirded me out a little bit.
Lady~
March 21st, 2012
2:29 pm
yep slim!
Lady~
March 21st, 2012
2:31 pm
speaking of which Eddie Murphy and Toni Braxton are dating and I think that is a cute couple