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Should couples keep secrets?

When you have been together for a really long time, you begin to figure out what needs to be done to keep the peace in realtionships. A married couple once told me that sometimes total honesty has no place in a relationship! Obviously, you don’t want to hide the fact that you have another spouse or anything, but are there some secrets that couples should keep?

I always believed that I would marry my best friend. Someone I could share everything with, but I am starting to wonder if I am being naive. Why should a couple keep things from each other? What does it mean when it becomes a habit? How do you know what needs to be said, shared, or revealed versus what needs to be kept a secret?

Have you ever wished that you actually had less honesty in a relationship? Do you think that a couple that keeps secrets will eventually end up harming the relationship more than helping it?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

289 comments Add your comment

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:05 am

Exiled!

March 16th, 2012
11:05 am

So lemme ask u this ladies?

U are with ur boo,up and about town..and u bump into an ex boo of urs…hie hie u exchange pleasantries..nothing more..

But u bumped uglies with dude,king term altho ur guy don’t know or had heard bout this guy..

U tell him and do Full Disclosure at this point?!

@ u too Kimmie?

Exiled!

March 16th, 2012
11:07 am

Long term

@u too Celisea 11:05?

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:09 am

hmmmm what are you asking Ex?!? sorry not understanding

Celisea

March 16th, 2012
11:11 am

Mmeello – To make sure I’m understanding are you asking if me and my SO ran into an old lover would I tell him? No..it’s the past. Are you asking would me and past dude hook up and then I tell him? I’m not going to hook up with him.

Oh, and for me. A liar is a liar is a liar. If that’s been my experience with you that’s what you’ll always be. Make your mouth say anything, convince others otherwise…I know what I know.

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:11 am

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:12 am

alrighty story time

kimmie

March 16th, 2012
11:13 am

Exiled – I know how I would handle it, cause it’s happened before. Said hello and kept it moving, and after we walked away casually told him that was an ex of mine. Had no bearing at all on the now with my husband. There was and is no reason to be jealous or anything. While his wife has passed away, his oldest daughter’s mom is still alive and lives in the ATL. I have 2 exes that live here. We both had a past, we’re mature about such matters.

lolalee

March 16th, 2012
11:16 am

@kimmie you friendly with his daughter’s mom?

kimmie

March 16th, 2012
11:16 am

Exiled – Stuff like that is just so not worth worrying about, unless there’s some tipping around going on, which there is not. Stuff like that is not what would take our marriage down. It makes me tired just thinking about it. We’re just so busy with our lives and the kids. I do feel sorry for folks that have not gotten past messiness like that.

Shrugs

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:18 am

Tuesday past me and my boo went to a birthday party and one of my former’s were there. I haven’t seen this guy in a year and a half. Apparently he was staring bc when I looked up there he was smiling in my face. The boo is sitting right next to me and everyone is chatting drinking and eating….ok dormer dude finds his way to me and we converse a bit while my boo is chatting with the others. so the 1st question out the former’s dude mouth is “is that your boyfriend” I replied yes. moving forward and after the convo ended and folks came back for cake former dude makes his way to new dude to say well Lena didn’t introduce us but I am blank and they chatted briefly. SO I am looking like old dude have you lost your effin mind bc #1 if he was there with someone why in th heezzy would I feel the need to introduce myself to his new boo. very awkward but old dude made it his business to put it out there we use to deal….very tacky and insecure if you ask me but new dude is very tall and after standing up to old dude the drift was made that he is not up for his foolishness respectfully.

kimmie

March 16th, 2012
11:18 am

lolalee – Never met her. His daughter is grown, engaged and has 2 kids of her own. No need to even deal with her.

Purple

March 16th, 2012
11:20 am

lolalee the stuff she shared made me question somethings and made me second guess something but that was my own pride/insecurities even popping up but I quelled that and fell back on what I knew of the big picture so I guess it helped.

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:22 am

old dude texts me the next day and I (haven’t and won’t) replied back…..he now will get my azz to kiss! lol

later that night me and new one discussed it laughed about it and moved on……

Leggs

March 16th, 2012
11:22 am

Cash 4 yesterday 9417. I played 9418….drats, drats, freaking drats!

Leggs

March 16th, 2012
11:24 am

@Ex ~ I would exchange pleasantries/introduction. That’s where it would stop. No need to then say “btw, we did some mean dancing between the sheets back in the day.” Who the heck does that. So, Ex. NOPE!

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:25 am

leggs straight foolishness lol

Exiled!

March 16th, 2012
11:26 am

Lady?

meeting an ex lover while u are with current…and current does not know about the past lover

thnx Cel..no,not asking bout hooking up with ex

Thanx Kimmie

just asking about the principle of Full Disclosure..that’s all

me I wouldn’t tell..proly I won’t even acknowledge the chic unless Queen already knows about her or I have told her..thankfully she never ran in same circles as my exes

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:28 am

why was it important to know or why did old ex feel the need to introduce himself to him hell he ain’t even my ex husband…..he just wanted some and lost out! I haven’t seen him in over a year didn’t even know he knew the bday girl

Celisea

March 16th, 2012
11:28 am

Mmeelloo – In your scenario, full disclosure wouldn’t really apply because it’s a past relationship, right? That’s sort of like telling how many lovers you’ve had. None of that is important with a new mate. Staying the course in doing the right thing I would think is all that mattered at that point.

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:30 am

Leegs I am coherent funny honey! ;)

Leggs

March 16th, 2012
11:31 am

@Lady ~ tacky on former flame’s part. It was your place to introduce them if you wanted to. That dude apparently thinks he had/has some form of clout and he wants it known. Sounds like he got shot down with the quickness.

Exiled!

March 16th, 2012
11:32 am

Lady?

If I were ur new dude,I wld have gave him an almost pull by the collar or some closer…

foolishness I tell u..

He shld have left it at the grin :grin: fromacross the floor

that’s it! Lol

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:33 am

LOL Ex!

He is a Morehouse Man and some of them just think they got it like that! #dead

Leggs

March 16th, 2012
11:34 am

Oooh, we have a new blogger?…Where is Leegs post (lolol)?

kimmie

March 16th, 2012
11:34 am

Exiled – If it’s someone I’ve dated or he’s dated when we were grown, it’s assumed you did the do. No need to explain anything. I don’t keep in contact with ANY past lovers, no calls or random texts from any of them ever, so nothing to explain. He has the baby mama, but after that he was married for 11 years. I just don’t see ex-lovers being an issue with us.

Exiled!

March 16th, 2012
11:36 am

Celisea..past lovers,whether 100 or 500 are non existent in a new relationship

They don’t count.

So unless we have kids together..for all intends and purposes,they don’t exist.

I would not acknowledge her

Good thing in my favor, I have a game face :lol:

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:36 am

LEGGS! LOL #dead!

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:37 am

good post Ex 11:36

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:38 am

Celisea

March 16th, 2012
11:38 am

Mmeello – I agree, ex lovers are a thing of the past. Yes, be courteous speak…..or not but K.I.M.

kimmie

March 16th, 2012
11:40 am

Lady – Hey there with the Morehouse Men! My hubs is one, so is his dad & brother, so are both my younger brothers!

Exiled!

March 16th, 2012
11:41 am

Lady?

now an ex’s grin to u is telling,especially to a current boo..

Most dudes know that? It almost equals a woman’s look when she has blown ur mike!

Remember the Monica Lewinsky look on Bill

so either way,if ur current dude saw the ex’s grin at U he was going to ask u coz dudes understand that lingo coz we do it to our exes …especially if the uglies were off tha meter!

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:41 am

Kimmie I have dated them and the ones I have dealt with feel entitled ….just my opinion

SlimUno

March 16th, 2012
11:42 am

The only time i’ve come across an ex while out with a current was in a quick passing. The guy at the time (now ex) and I were leaving the movies laughing about it on the way out, and the ex was with his new interest going INTO the movies. We both looked up at each other and sort of shockingly smiled at each other but kept on walking. We didn’t stop to acknowledge that we knew each other or anything like that. I did say to the guy I was with that, hey that was so and so. (He had known of him but if he didn’t, I wouldn’t have said anything at all)

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:42 am

understandable ex but still I would think most adults have tact but whatever I handled and it didn’t cause rift with new boo

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:44 am

so again age isn’t a measure of maturity either……old dude should just know better

kimmie

March 16th, 2012
11:46 am

Lady – Just kidding, I’ve heard the same about Harvard men, Hampton men, Howard men ….

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:47 am

yeah I co-sign hampton and howard I can’t even mustard those…..

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:47 am

I can stand famu but they are there as well

Leggs

March 16th, 2012
11:48 am

‘Remember the Monica Lewinsky look on Bill” ~ I sure do. That look spoke volumes!

Leggs

March 16th, 2012
11:50 am

@Lady ~ you do understand that seeing you with someone, even after a year, made you more desirable in his eyes. He wanted new dude to know or sense he had a romantic connection to you. Silly Rabbit!!!!

Him, not you.

Lady~

March 16th, 2012
11:51 am

Exiled!

March 16th, 2012
11:51 am

Lady honestly if it were me we wld have had a serious confrontation

Font come to me introducing urself as my wife’s ex

In less official setting he wld get a btdown!

Exiled!

March 16th, 2012
11:53 am

Don’t not font

kimmie

March 16th, 2012
11:53 am

How you handle such situations is a sign of maturity on everyone’s part. It’s silly for an ex dude to be staring the lady down, especially if she’s with someone else or like in Lady’s situation, coming up to the new dude or giving the new dude that “look” Exiled spoke of. Wack, immature dude stuff. Some women get their ego stroked by the silliness as well.

Grow the H— up!

Leggs

March 16th, 2012
11:56 am

O/T ~ I heard on the radio this morning that there’s a bumper sticker out that reads:

“Don’t Renege Another 4 years!” – WOW..what a play on words.

Exiled!

March 16th, 2012
12:01 pm

What does that sticker mean Leggs?

Bluzgirl

March 16th, 2012
12:02 pm

Haven’t read through everything yet…I feel that there should be no need to have secrets if you are in a long term relationship. The relationship should be built on trust. I don’t mean that you should tell each other every single detail of your day, but if you’ve done something that you feel should be a secret, I think it’s best to just fess up.

My recent ex kept a few secrets to me, from small to big. It ended up really hurting us because he stunk at communicating. It all comes out in the end, so you might as well go ahead and fess up when it happens. I try my best to be open and honest. Sometimes, I may say too much about things I’ve done in the past. I’m learning what to keep to myself.

disco

March 16th, 2012
12:13 pm

leggs – i’ve seen it. really says “re-nig”