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Dating: Domestic skills required?

A reader sent me an article that asked, “Would you rather date a guy who can fix your car or fix his hair?” Obviously, women like well-rounded men. The idea here, though, is that he would be good with his hands but not when it comes to “manly” things.

I wondered if domestic skills such as repairing things, cooking, or having knowledge of how to run a household was still something single people sought out. I know a lot of men who want to marry a woman who can cook, preferably like their Mother did. Those same men aren’t that handy with a hammer though.

Do you think that we are different from our parents in that we require less “homemaking” skills in our potential mates?

Would it bother you if someone you dated was not a good cook, or good with cars, or had other basic skills needed to make a home run?

Does this kind of thing even show up on our radars when we are “sizing” each other up?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

258 comments Add your comment

marktheshark

March 14th, 2012
6:41 am

Obviously, having common sense would enable one to try to achieve and/or possess SOME level of competency in those everyday needed skills: Cooking, housecleaning, car maintenance, computer knowledge, home fixing, etc. A potential mate doesn’t add much to the mix when he/she lacks a basic skill set required in today’s 2012 world.

Lily

March 14th, 2012
7:16 am

Are we much different from our parents in the regard of what it takes to maimtain, while maintaining? Unfortunately yes. Obviously being much more domesticated and in tune were traits possessed during yesteryear and traits that displayed sticktoitiveness that we all witnessed in an era long gone. I’m not suggesting that was a time of perfection but I believe more so a time when the presence of helping, needing and leaning on one another was the glue that held things together.

Rick

March 14th, 2012
8:08 am

In my marriage, I was the cook and did 80% of the cleaning and laundry while holding down a full time job. My then wife, not my current girlfriend could cook a lick and either didn’t clean up after themselves or paid someone to do it. Man, has the shoe switched to the other foot. I’m OK with it, I guess. Like I have a choice in the matter…..lol. In todays times, the “responsibilities” are so blurred that you just do what you do and help out where you can.

Rick

March 14th, 2012
8:10 am

I meant “My then wife NOR my current girlfriend”….sorry…it’s early.

Row 125, seat 11B

March 14th, 2012
8:12 am

At some point, I hope to marry a woman that looks as good and cooks as well as Cat Cora from “Iron Chef”. That being said, I am not handy around the house at all…Not a fix it guy in the least little bit, But because I go in knowing this, I have no problem calling in and paying for work to be done around my house or around the house of the woman I am seeing……….

LeeH1

March 14th, 2012
8:50 am

It’s funny. Men and women all try their best to hone their skills for a job. They take classes, read books, practice and do everything they can to get good job skills.

But few people try ot get the skills needed to be a good spouse. Skills in domestic engineering, finances, child care and development, all seem so old fashioned, yet they are the very tings that make men and women attractive and make sucessful marriages. As the Pennsylvania Dutch say, “Kissin’ don’t last- cookin’ does!”

lysa

March 14th, 2012
8:54 am

I like having a man who is capable with his hands. If he is unable to fix or repair something, as long as he knows how to get it done, I am more than okay. I like to cook for my man too, however, I definitely have a problem with him demanding that I cook. That doesn’t work so well for me. Oh and nothing is more of a turn off than a man who can’t cook at all. Most men have one specialty, that one dish that they can make and they make it over and over and over, whether is spaghetti, big thick juicy (half raw ) hamburgers or something!! I’m not saying he has to cook as well as i do, but if he can’t cook anything, I view that as a character flaw. Anybody can learn to cook 1 or two items.

Alberta Spruce

March 14th, 2012
9:29 am

No, I would not be impressed with a single person of either gender who lives alone and doesn’t have the skills necessary to either feed himself/herself or keep his/her living space clean.

Leggs

March 14th, 2012
9:29 am

Good morning.

Does this kind of thing even show up on our radars when we are “sizing” each other up? It shows up on mine. I would “prefer” a man that can at least do some home repairs around the house. If not, extra money is being thrown to someone else. And, if he can’t do basic repairs, at least have enough interest to learn how before needing to call a maintenance man.

I am domesticated, always have been. I believe that a woman should know how to cook. It’s amazing how some many women do not cook nor even want to learn. I don’t get that, but it’s not for me to get. There are men who knowingly marry women who don’t cook and they are fine with it. I am a cook, and I stand by home cooked meals any day, every day, with going out to a restaurant being a nice treat and a break from cooking all the time (lol).

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

March 14th, 2012
9:33 am

She did the cooking, I manned the grill and dishes. She kept the baby fresh and clean I kept the yard, carpet, and gutters clean. Anyone in a joint venture has a job they can do, Put perms in her hair then would go out and change the oil in two cars. Since I’ve been single I have done a few more perms for others at their request, men believe your lady will love you doing that for her. Men should be handy in and outside the home.

Good Morning Leggs:

Audra

March 14th, 2012
9:33 am

I like a man who can cook. My latest beau has been cooking me dinner a lot, and I find that sweet. And sexy.

As for me, I can and will cook and clean, but am better at finance-type stuff.

A man doesn’t have to be “Mr. Fix-it” but some basics are good – like how to change locks, fix a flat, whatever. A man who helps with laundry is also a BIG PLUS. :) And, believe me, we’ll both be happier if I’m not the sole person in charge of that!

Celisea

March 14th, 2012
9:36 am

Why oh why am I on the phone with a GF and she just up with a statement about my nappy hair that made me laugh so hard I had to leave the floor. She said nooooo you’re normally looking like you might have “good hair”….she asked me why I’m looking like Kunta Kenta’….

I’m still laughing and drying my tears….hey can’t be beautiful all the time.

Be back on topic….lolololol

Celisea

March 14th, 2012
9:38 am

Reading Blackfoote’s post…I love getting my hair washed by my SO in the shower….just saying :)

Be back on topic….later

Leggs

March 14th, 2012
9:39 am

@BF ~ Good morning Grill Master!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

March 14th, 2012
9:40 am

Cely we are always thinking the same.

disco

March 14th, 2012
9:40 am

good morning. domestic skills. well I’ll say that in my opinion every adult needs to have them. they don’t have to be the greatest but they need to be there. everyone needs to be capable of at the very least taking care of themselves and pulling their own weight. the way I see it if I can hold it down single and you can hold it down single we should be good. I won’t even waste my time with a man who’s incapable of holding his own.

lysa – too funny re that one specialty. spaghetti is funny though. almost everybody thinks they can throw down with spaghetti but that’s so not the case. a friend invites me to dinner regularly and she ALWAYS makes spaghetti and it’s the driest, plainest spaghetti I’ve ever eaten.

Celisea

March 14th, 2012
9:40 am

Blackfoote – Because they always told me great minds think alike :)

Exiled!

March 14th, 2012
9:40 am

Don’t laugh Leggs!

What u said in your 9:29 should be a standard for any woman worth the name,and that wants to get married and possibly have kids or have kids already.

I think you and Kimmie need to organize a MIA cooking and baking blog meet. The dudes will come in later to sample the various dishes.

Cook blogsville! :lol:

Oh good morning!

Bluzgirl

March 14th, 2012
9:47 am

I don’t like to cook, but will if I have to. I’ve been lucky in that my last few relationships, the men have been good cooks and enjoy it. I can cook…I just don’t really like to.

I do want a man who can do some basic maintenance and repairs around the house. I bought my first house a year ago and I have a lot of learning to do. It would be helpful to have a man who can teach me some things (or just do them for me). :-)

Sassy Me..Juicy Fruit ;-)

March 14th, 2012
9:50 am

Mornting all :mrgreen:

I like a man who knows how to fix a meal AND the car..I think we all should have some basic domestic skills. Mr. Bermuda can fix the car if need be and he looves to cook as well. There are things we do for each other and it balances out quite well…we’ve got a good understanding of the natural ebb n flow in our relationship.

Lady~

March 14th, 2012
9:52 am

Howdy MIA!!!!

My S/O recently fixed my garbage disposal and I was glad didn’t have to call the handy man! Sunday I cooked a great dinner that put him to sleep for a few hours so I guess I am on the right track and enjoying it!!!!!!!! ;)

Purple

March 14th, 2012
9:53 am

I look for a well rounded woman that has a balance of womanly skills. Any fixing that needs to be done I can do it, I was just raised that way and my parents taught me how to cook and I love doing it. My wife is pretty handy and loves to cook as well. It’s a bonding time that we cook together almost daily. I don’t do dishes not because I don’t want to but she has deemed that her man should never do dishes. Only time I do it is when she is out of town even though I try. But there are things I dont let her do. I.E. yard work, putting gas in cars, taking out the garbabe, bringing in wood etc. So we balance out.

Celisea

March 14th, 2012
9:57 am

Okay….morning all

On topic: I was raised to cook and clean and do all those other things that we consider being domesticated. We didn’t have the money for maids and cooks, neither did have the luxury of dining out. So, everything was done at home by all of us. Shared meals, responsibilities and chores. I must admit I’ve strayed a bit.

I agree though that every individual should at least possess the bear minimum skills for sustaining. I think as with all other things whichever way a person is prior to sealing any deals is pretty much what you’ll have on hand….or worse. I would probably guess anyone, after settling in would look forward to coming home to coziness, cooked meals, clean home, etc. If that’s not what you had initially and it wasn’t a problem, I’d say though it’s unfair to expect a major overhaul of habits after taking vows or agreements (or whatever means you use for sealing the deal).

kimmie

March 14th, 2012
9:57 am

Morning Gang!

I’m Every Woman, it’s all in ME!LOL!! I love to cook and keep a clean home. I get a lot of it from my mom, but a lot is just in me. I like clean, beautiful surroundings or else I’m not comfortable. And you all know I’m a foodie. I love to cook for my family and friends. With that said, when I was dating most men got the benefit of my cooking UNLESS they demanded it. Then they could kick rocks. Anyway, like I said, I am every woman, cause I can be Suzy Homemaker and an educated professional at work!

I believe everyone and especially children, should get the majority of their meals from home. That should ensure a healthy diet better than eating out.

Every adult should be able to pull together some basic things in the kitchen. Everything is so convinient now – salad in the bag, minute rice, already cut-up chicken, seasonings for spaghetti and chilli and pot roast. It’s not that hard, people. Nobody is asking you to be a gourmet. Just basic adult survival skills are required.

When I bought my first home is when men that could fix things really started to catch my eye. There is nothing more attractive. Of course, being on my own, I learned to do quite a few things, but having a man’s help really makes the difference. Even if he can’t do it, he should know who to call and what to look for, what questions to ask. Know if the person is trying to rip us off.

Just showing up with a man when you take your car to be serviced can make all the difference in the world. Sad it’s like that, but it is.

Lady~

March 14th, 2012
9:58 am

C & BF the hair washing in the shower does rock!!!!

Leggs

March 14th, 2012
9:59 am

Hot Dayuum, BF gives perms (filing that away).

Celisea

March 14th, 2012
10:03 am

Lady – You got that right :) I don’t know about letting a dude perm my hair. I’m funny about that.

Lady~

March 14th, 2012
10:03 am

ex hubby use to help take out my micro braids and wash hair…..lol

Celisea

March 14th, 2012
10:04 am

I’ll go one further to say, you’ve got to be something of a man in being able to perm a black woman’s hair. Some licensed stylists don’t get that…lol

disco

March 14th, 2012
10:06 am

O/T – nasty A coworker sitting at her desk cutting her toenails. I’d say who does that but apparently she does that.

sassy/kimmie/purple et al. – and that’s what I’m talking about. be able and willing to pull your weight. I wish I would be one of those women whining about a grown man leaving socks or towels on the floor or sitting around hungry waiting on me to feed him. I didn’t play that mess with the kiddies and surely won’t with a grown man. on the flip side I wouldn’t be acting like I couldn’t take a shower until after my man came home and killed the spider in the tub or sitting around letting food defrost in the trunk of the car because the hubby wasn’t home to bring the groceries in (I know my examples were extreme but I know some chicks who really do act like they can’t lift a finger).

Lady~

March 14th, 2012
10:08 am

my current is a great cleaner and I love it lol that old school male cleaning is the bomb…it reminds me of my daddy and uncles….

Celisea

March 14th, 2012
10:10 am

I mean a dude as in in a SO or hubby…not a licensed beautician

Lady~

March 14th, 2012
10:11 am

Leggs

March 14th, 2012
10:12 am

@disco ~ come to my house…you will love, love my spaghetti.

“I believe everyone and especially children, should get the majority of their meals from home. That should ensure a healthy diet better than eating out. ” – Kimmie, lil leggs had company over the weekend, and as they were fixing their dinner plates, I heard her gf say “you’re lucky and you don’t even know it to have a mom that cooks for you everyday.” I snickered.

I’m teaching her how to cook albeit presently not with joy in her heart (that will change).

abc

March 14th, 2012
10:13 am

I cook enough on the weekends to last through the week. I don’t much feel like cooking when getting home from work around 6:30 – 7, maybe 8PM — I plan it such that I can nuke it. No cans, boxes, mixes, just whole ingredients, nothing that fancy. Fancy dishes don’t nuke that well. Else, even though my wife is a good cook, I think she’d go along with living on sandwiches.

I clean, I do laundry, yardwork, blah blah — we both do. If it’s electrical, I handle it, because it scares her a bit. If it’s faucet, door, locks, I do it. If it’s painting, toilets, decorating, she does it. Things divide up pretty well that way. I need to hire a maid though, to come in every couple of weeks and do the heavy cleaning, baseboards and floors, etc. I just don’t feel like doing that anymore. I don’t hesitate much to call in someone to pressure wash, clean gutters, HVAC, whatever. Why should I bother with it?

I think most guys are like that. Maybe not.

Lady~

March 14th, 2012
10:14 am

abc great post!

kimmie

March 14th, 2012
10:17 am

Leggs – A lot of kids don’t appreciate moms like us until they leave home. Or they get around kids that wish they had it as good.

I was attracted naturally to the kitchen, but I remember my mother teaching my younger brothers. She used to tell them they needed to be able to take care of themselves and they may not meet a woman like their mother.

disco

March 14th, 2012
10:20 am

leggs – she’s lucky to have someone at home that can cook. I have one friend who can’t cook and she always said she felt sorry for her kids. she tried and she made do but cooking just wasn’t her thing. her two oldest boys are adults now and they constantly tell her they aren’t looking for women that cook like their momma. I also think of soul food – how bird always wanted to contribute her little dish and everyone tried to eat around it.

abc – now painting I wish I could do.

kimmie – I hated being in the kitchen growing up. hated it. I would rather clean the kitchen after dinner than help cook and my mother was the one sister of 7 who was the queen of the kitchen. the two youngest can hardly boil water but all the rest hold their own. I think mostly I hated to help because I’m not a “team player”. I don’t like to share the kitchen. let me do all or nothing.

Celisea

March 14th, 2012
10:22 am

Some of y’all got me feeling bad this morning…lol I think a lot of this is cultivating when you have littles ones. I think it’s okay to cop a squat if you’ve been doing it some years. I remember growing up, my mama relieved herself of most duties that she had to do when we as kids were plainly to “little”, too small or just not old/skilled enough. Once we all began to grow and undertake chores and what not, she and pops both handed the reigns over to us. Don’t get me wrong, they both were still present and active in some cases but they weren’t gonna continue doing things where there was a quiver of “almost grown folks” in the house that could now handle and do on their own. There’s where I am now :)

Off topic: My two year old great nephew was looking at me the other night, up and down and says “Aunt so and so, I like your toos and tocksings” Translation = I like your shoes and stockings. Granted, I didn’t have on hose but he thought so….awwwww he so sweet :)

Lady~

March 14th, 2012
10:25 am

kimmie

March 14th, 2012
10:31 am

disco – That’s funny, because I’m kinda like you in that I like to do all or nothing! My mom was kinda like that too. She really didn’t like us underfoot when she was cooking. There were certain things she wanted us around for like cleaning up and washing the dishes as she cooked or prep work like peeling potatoes, but that’s it. You could watch, which is how I learned, but otherwise get out of her way!

I’m that too. I’m not really big on me & hubby actually cooking together. It gets on my nerves because I clean up as I go. Other folk also get in my way. The kitchen is my domain and that’s how I like it. It’s okay if he is manning the grill and I’m inside doing the side dishes. But that’s really as far as I go with that “togetherness”!LOL! I have to be patient, though, cause baby girl is always wanting to help. Hubs has to gently ask me to find something simple she can do to help, so I do. Luckily she has the short attention span of a 9 yr old, so I’ll get her to do something small and then she’s off!

Exiled!

March 14th, 2012
10:31 am

Disco..naturally,folks who are good in the kitchen don’t want other women(folks) in the same kitchen at same time. I grew up in a big family of uncles and aunts and would hear the side snide(s) about her or her or her coz of kitchen arrangements etc rivalries?

Are u a good cook? @Disco

I am a good cook but I don’t cook. I am not that handy but I do the bear minimum,screw a loose nutt here and there(ofcourse) :lol: , cut grass etc but for most speciality type stuff,(electrician,plumber,etc) I call the boyz.

My yard needs a clean up now coz of these recent rains and leaves so I’m gon call somebody.

Leggs

March 14th, 2012
10:32 am

@Kimmie ~ you are so right. What’s going to be an eye opener for her is when she leaves in 5 months for college. She’ll miss my cooking. She appreciates my cooking, I just don’t think she realizes not every mom cooks all the time. I had her help w/the baked pork chops the other night in the “timing” department. She needs to know when food is cooked and it first starts when you start smelling the food. Along with the smell, she needs to remember when you first put the food in the oven and how much time has gone by. Don’t just stick in there and expect it to be done (not burnt) in a 1.5 hrs.

@Ex/swiss ~ the last sentence is loaded, no need for the spin (lolol).

kimmie

March 14th, 2012
10:38 am

Exiled – Mine isn’t due to any rivalry or secrecy, it just gets on my nerves to have folks all up on me when I’m trying to manuever around the kitchen or “create”. I have my own way of doing things, even if I have a recipe, I rarely follow them to the letter, I’m just funny like that.

While I consider myself a people-person, I enjoy working independantly quite a bit!

disco

March 14th, 2012
10:39 am

ex – am I a good cook? how to respond. I can cook but I don’t really enjoy cooking. to me cooking is almost like a chore, a necessary evil, a means to an end. do I cook? not as often as I should but I’m single and childless now so not as much need to cook. still, I’ve got all the so-called down-home basics on lock. someone on here said they fed their man and put him to sleep. my chicken and dumplings is my “sleeper” meal. anybody who eats those bad boys and some cornbread and I might as well just give them a pillow because they aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. once some years ago a guy got upset with me for letting him sleep through a football game after dinner. in short ex – I gets down when I want to.

Leggs

March 14th, 2012
10:41 am

I’d also like a mate to be willing to teach me how to do some of that manly work in that he doesn’t mind me around watching and learning AND asking questions.

Bluzgirl

March 14th, 2012
10:42 am

I’m having to learn how to cook some things that I got spoiled on with my last SO…I did my first crock pot meal on Sunday and it was so easy and good! It just stinks from going from having someone to cook every day for 2 years to all of a sudden being on your own and having to adapt. I had to cook for myself before, so I’ll make it. I’ve been thinking about finding some cooking classes to take. My main thing is not knowing what seasonings enhance what dishes. I can follow a recipe no problem, but I don’t know about the improvising.

kimmie

March 14th, 2012
10:44 am

Now painting, that’s something I LOVE to do! I painted every room and the hallway in my first house and folks thought I had hired a professional. It’s just something I seem to have a knack for and I enjoy doing. It’s soothing and I get a sense of accomplishment when I’m done.

kimmie

March 14th, 2012
10:46 am

Bluzgirl – What did you cook in the crock pot?

Exiled!

March 14th, 2012
10:48 am

Ofcourse Disco,now that the kid(s) is gone,less cooking and proly more outings coz the dudes feed u to impress. Work those nice leggs Disco! :lol:

Kimmie..u know women are always snickering on each other..’oh I do it this way or that way..’ that’s how my aunties would do o guess. U should hear when one of them was not at home and the other women were there now discussing the ‘missing’ one and her cooking!
This was at my maternal grandma house where I spent part of my childhood and my uncles wives were proly competing for ‘best daughter in law’ trophy! :lol: