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Do you dress up for dates?

A friend of mine recently had a first date with a man she met through mutual friends. The first time she saw him was at a fundraiser so he was dressed to the nines. The night of their first date he was understandably less formal, but he also looked a lot like a “17 year old aspiring rapper” ….and he’s 38.

They had plans to get dinner and a concert, so she was confused that he showed up in a track suit looking ensemble. You can imagine how awkward it was – her in heels, him in sneakers.

Do you think we spend less effort in getting dressed up for dates?

Have you ever dated someone who didn’t dress “age appropriately” or turned you off with their attire? Would you say something to them or keep it to yourself?

Do you dress to impress when you take someone out?

What is the best attire for a first date?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

149 comments Add your comment

Shaun

March 8th, 2012
6:56 am

Married now, but when I did date, I would not dress up too much, cause I am a tee shirt and jeans type of guy. Don’t want to give a false sense that I am a flashy dresser. I also dont rely on cloths to make me look good, some have to do this to get attention.

Shaun

March 8th, 2012
7:03 am

I would like to say this about your friend…I think she was more attracted to the clothes he was wearing, than the man himself. Cause, she still should have been thrilled to see him on the date, either wearing a sweatsuit or a tux. So, she is the one with issues.

Quiet is Kept......

March 8th, 2012
8:28 am

Since I happened to be a clothes hound I guess this does not apply to me because I enjoy dressing and actully like to dress….But Yeah, when I date I appreciate the person I am going out with at least taking the time to invest some thought and time in getting ready to go out…….

SlimUno

March 8th, 2012
8:51 am

Good morning,

On a first date, I dress in way that satisfies for me a happy medium. A happy medium for me is to be comfortable & cute/appealing/nice etc. I’m not one of those name brand/accessory wh0res so you won’t see me looking like a Housewife of Atlanta/Jersey/Orange County etc.

Bluzgirl

March 8th, 2012
9:02 am

I would dress up, but not to the nines. I’m not much of a girly girl who likes to get all dolled up, so I don’t want to go above and beyond because I want him to see who I am.

Mike P

March 8th, 2012
9:17 am

Wise Diva – When setting plans for the date, I always tell the lady what I’m wearing and what activities we’ll be experiencing together.

Have you ever dated someone who didn’t dress “age appropriately” or turned you off with their attire? Would you say something to them or keep it to yourself?- Yes, What turns me off is when women who wear pants on a first date or who wears leggins under their short skirt. the only exception is when I tell her that she should wear jeans.

Do you dress to impress when you take someone out? – YES

What is the best attire for a first date? — Depends on the activity planned, communication is key

Miss Obvious

March 8th, 2012
9:20 am

It is much more fun when we get UNDRESSED for a date.

This is especially so when you have someone helpfully removing your clothes for you.

Leggs

March 8th, 2012
9:23 am

Good morning.

Yes, I dress up for my dates. Always have.

“I would like to say this about your friend…I think she was more attracted to the clothes he was wearing, than the man himself.” ~ Shaun, I think the clothes helped her to be attracted to him.

Do you think we spend less effort in getting dressed up for dates? I’m finding that some men do. This has been a pet peeve of mine of late. I remember being asked to me for drinks after work and he showed up with the ashiest hands, dry cracked lips, dirty jacket and equally dirty jeans. I realize he works on homes, but he called me 2 hrs before we were supposed to me. Damnit, at least put some lotion on and stop at the store for some chapstick if need be.

Purple

March 8th, 2012
9:35 am

mark

March 8th, 2012
9:40 am

i think we as Black Men have forgotten how to DRESS! wheni was a kid my grandfather was always presentable shirts and pants ironed shoes shine. but now young blackmen act like its a crime to put on a nice pressed shirt and pants. But i blame the young ladies of the world today for accepting that type of Dress From young men. Thats just my 2 cents what do you Guys think?

Purple

March 8th, 2012
9:46 am

disco

March 8th, 2012
9:49 am

shaun – I beg to differ. sure she probably thought he looked good suited up but I’m sure she didn’t expect him to be suited up when they went out.

I can grant a pass to casual i.e. jeans if they fit and look good (re clean, no holes, etc.) but a sweat suit is a whole nother something unless you are doing something athletic for the date or just walking around a park or something. I might be put off by a dude showing up in a sweat suit. I was once quite irritated when a guy showed up for a date in a white tee looking like a rapper. turns out he had a real shirt in the car (what a relief).

personally I like to dress. I’m not trying to be a fashionista but I buy nice stuff and I like to wear nice stuff. also, there’s something to be said when getting dressed with another person in mind. makes you want to make sure you got that little extra something going on.

by the way – good morning folks.

Leggs

March 8th, 2012
9:51 am

@mark ~ I think you have our age brackets messed up.

Leggs

March 8th, 2012
9:51 am

Purple

March 8th, 2012
9:53 am

I’m really trying to figure how this has tansitioned to a “black men” issue.

Lily

March 8th, 2012
9:56 am

I dress “date” appropriate.

kimmie - the original :)

March 8th, 2012
9:58 am

Morning All!

The 38-yr old grown A man dressed like a wannabee rapper would have turned me totally off. No Shaun, in my opinion she is not the one with the issues. She didn’t expect a tux, but a grown man dressed like a grown man, not a kid. Not a bad expectation to have if you ask me. How would he have liked it if she showed up dressed like Lil Kim?

No people don’t seem to take the time to take care in how they dress anymore. People have gotten lazy. That’s half the fun of dating, for me, the getting ready. Even if it’s going to be super-casual, I would make sure my jeans are clean and pressed and fit well and my top and shoes, whole ensemble, is on point.

Sometimes your clothes affect your attitude. When you dress sloppy you act sloppy sometimes. Why act like a lady or gentleman if you’re not dressed like one? Some companies have gone back to more professional dress codes because some folks have taken the business casual thing too far. They act “casual” on the job.

There is a time & a place for everything. Jeans & t-shirts are not going to be appropriate everywhere. Grow up!

Mike P – That is quite considerate – letting the lady know what the appropriate attire is for the evening. Makes it where both of you are comfortable.

disco

March 8th, 2012
9:58 am

purple – sho’ you right. there’s all kinds of folks walking around looking like who done it and what for.

Button

March 8th, 2012
10:01 am

I agree with what’s been commented so far, but what about accepting a person for who they are? Some people just don’t have a sense for fashion, and that’s ok, that’s where you come in and show them the way if that person is up to it. Shouldn’t the date be about the date and not what not to wear? I think we put too much stock into things that’s superfical and petty. How did he treat her? Was he thugging or was he a gentlemen? That’s my question.

Good morning!

disco

March 8th, 2012
10:06 am

button – I don’t even think we are attacking fashion sense so much as we are “attacking” folks who step out ungroomed and inappropriate. I think we acknowledge that not everyone is going to be fly but we appreciate the effort put in when someone tries to look their best for us.

Shaun

March 8th, 2012
10:07 am

I think this particular lady is acting superficial when it came to his attire for the date. Get past that, and get to know the man himself. Some ladies are so consumed with outer appearance, when the focus for getting to know someone should be what they are about in the head, their goals and the things they want out of life. Get back to those things and maybe you will find your soulmate, instead of your arm candy.

Leggs

March 8th, 2012
10:09 am

@Button ~ even if they don’t have a sense of fashion, they should have a sense of what’s appropriate attire on a date.

mark

March 8th, 2012
10:11 am

@ purple im speaking from a Blacks man point of view on what i see every day. thats all

kimmie - the original :)

March 8th, 2012
10:17 am

Button – It is about accepting people for what they are. They are letting you know what they are all about when they show up for a date sloppy, dirty and dressed inappropriately. They are letting you know they don’t care about the impression they are giving you because you don’t matter much. Any old thing will do. They don’t care if the 2 of you go out and you feel uncomfortable because they are underdressed. If their clothes and their body are not clean, imagine what their house/apt must look like. And some will have the nerve to want to try to get some later too! :shock:

Very few can afford to dress like they stepped out of Vogue or GQ. But at least be clean, neat and age/venue appropriate. I don’t think that’s too much to ask of any adult.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

March 8th, 2012
10:18 am

I dress appropiate for the date, I’ll get a mood check and if it’s casual that’s the way I’ll go. If it’s formal then I adapt.

nelson

March 8th, 2012
10:25 am

That is a great question. I really like it. I would not get dressed up for a date. I would wear clean clothes and brush my teeth. I will say this, I see couples dressed the same, down to the color. I do not like that. Even though they may feel” joined at the hip”, it still looks “squirley” to me. I see so many couples that hate to part even to go to the bathroom. What really irks me is when a guy is trying on a pair of pants in the mens changing room and the significant other has go in to see that he gets them on ok.
Its alright to see yourselves as soul mates, but you dont have to act like a school of fish.

Shaun

March 8th, 2012
10:26 am

by no means am I co signing a dirty/smelly man on a date. As long as he is clean, and clothes are not wrinkled, it matters not what he has on. I can rock a tee shirt and jeans anywhere, add a blazer if it is a night time event and I am good to go.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

March 8th, 2012
10:30 am

I’m tired of the shirt and tie wardrobe did it for 23 years, still have to on occasions to meetings. I like wearing slacks or jeans and being neat.

Leggs

March 8th, 2012
10:36 am

‘What really irks me is when a guy is trying on a pair of pants in the mens changing room and the significant other has go in to see that he gets them on ok.” – Boy, stop playing. She’s not in there to make sure his pants are ok. They’re getting their freak on. :lol: :lol:

kimmie - the original :)

March 8th, 2012
10:36 am

Shaun – I can dig that, especially adding the blazer to gussy things up. And some nice-fitting jeans and a nice shirt are fine. In fact, on most dates that is appropriate. But jeans with holes and dragging so your underwear shows and an oversized tee is okay if you’re 17. And you would be surprised at how straight disheveled some folks are when they show up for a date.

That’s the kind of stuff we’re talking about. In those instances, yes it matters what one is wearing.

Leggs

March 8th, 2012
10:38 am

“As long as he is clean, and clothes are not wrinkled, it matters not what he has on.” – That’s a boldface lie. Like kimmie said (I think it was kimmie). If you invited someout to the Governor’s Ball and she showed up in an outfit like something Lil Kim would wear, would you not be mortified?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

March 8th, 2012
10:39 am

Morning Leggs:

Knowing how you like to dress that had to be distasteful for you.

abc

March 8th, 2012
10:43 am

People have forgotten how to dress appropriately. Folks will show up at the airport for a flight dressed in all but pajamas and slippers. It may be my (ahem) relative maturity, but I think it’s inappropriate to wear track suits to a restaurant, theater, dating venues like that; slacks and a collared shirt, at least, I mean, come on. Jeans and sneakers are the wrong thing to wear to Canoe, that’s Applebee’s attire. Wear a coat and tie to the show at the Fox.

kimmie - the original :)

March 8th, 2012
10:45 am

Blackfoote – Unless you are wearing a tux or you are going somewhere where a suit is required, a tie isn’t necessary on most dates. Slacks, nice jeans, khakis, a button-down shirt, sweater, a polo, blazer, leather jacket – all nice comfortable options for dates.

And is asking one to take a shower, shave & brush hair asking too much? Just some basis good grooming is appreciated!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

March 8th, 2012
10:46 am

That’s funny Lil Kim, I can’t see myself with that type of gal. Mortified I would horrified, I like the conservative sexy look not the rumbumcious in your face type.

Leggs

March 8th, 2012
10:48 am

@BF ~ Morning darling! Yes, in that case it was distasteful. The fact that someone has clothes on is simply not enough for me and it shouldn’t be enough for others eithers. Sure, to each their own, but come on folk. Hold yourself accountable on your image. Image DOES matter. I’m not into designer garb (well, I do like it), just not important if you labeled down or not. Just wear your clothes neatly, suitable for the function at hand and all is good for the day

kimmie - the original :)

March 8th, 2012
10:49 am

Nobody has answered Wise’s question about whether or not you would say something to your date about their attire.

I probably wouldn’t unless we’ve been dating awhile. I would just file it away in my head. But if I had a professional event I had to attend, I probably would not ask him to be my date.

Leggs

March 8th, 2012
10:50 am

@abc ~ I agree. How many men and women do you know that still polish their own shoes? Something like that from back in the day seems to be a lost art. I still love that spit shine!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

March 8th, 2012
10:51 am

LOL……@Kimmie

Leggs

March 8th, 2012
10:51 am

I wouldn’t either unless we’ve been dating for a while. The first or second date, I’m in no position to call any shots on anything a person does or doesn’t do.

Leggs

March 8th, 2012
10:52 am

Unless it directly affects me.

disco

March 8th, 2012
10:56 am

leggs – my son (age 22) shines his shoes. he works at DSW and has a lot of shoes. he also will take his shoelaces out of his sneakers and wash those bad boys. that’s one I love to see because I can’t stand to see some dingy A shoe strings.

Bluzgirl

March 8th, 2012
10:58 am

I don’t think I would say anything about my dates attire unless we have been dating a while. If it’s that bad on the first date, then I won’t go out with him again.

Leggs

March 8th, 2012
11:00 am

That’s good, disco.

kimmie - the original :)

March 8th, 2012
11:02 am

Leggs – Hubby shines his, has a wooden rack where he hangs his pressed shirt and slacks for the next day and his polished shoes. All is not lost with some men!

kimmie - the original :)

March 8th, 2012
11:03 am

abc, I agree.

Leggs

March 8th, 2012
11:03 am

Awwww, I remember that wooden rack…yes indeed!

Button

March 8th, 2012
11:05 am

I thought the question was about dressing appropiately not body odor.
Fact is, some people don’t know how to dress whether it be for a date or for work. To some people jeans are not appropriate for a date, splits, low hanging tops, too much jewerly too much make up etc etc etc.

Button

March 8th, 2012
11:08 am

I co sign with Bluzgirl

kimmie - the original :)

March 8th, 2012
11:17 am

Button – Yeah, like the folks that show up to work dressed like they are going to a nightclub!