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Is physical attraction enough?

If two people are physically attracted to each other, does that always translate to sexual compatibility? I ask because a friend of mine is surprised that things didn’t go well with his new girlfriend who he is “extremely attracted” to.

They have been seeing each other exclusively for months and their chemistry was off the charts – outside the bedroom, but inside…not so much.

I don’t think physical attraction alone means that compatibility is automatic, although it is great when that happens. Maybe it is one of those inexplicable things that is unpredictable.

Do you think that things should just click because you are physically, emotionally, and intellectually attracted to someone?

What would you do if your couple chemistry fizzles in the bedroom?
I don’t think it is a deal breaker…at all, but I can tell my friend is worried about it. Could you dump someone for this or could you put in a little work and make it better?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

274 comments Add your comment

Lily

March 6th, 2012
8:07 am

Hugh

March 6th, 2012
8:22 am

Physical attraction isn’t the whole package, but it sure holds the wrapping and bows on the box. Yes, I would dump someone because I wasn’t physically attracted to her. No, I wouldn’t stay with someone……forever……if I was insanely attracted to her physically, but we were incompatable elsewhere. Been married to a hottie sexpot and it was great, until she went elsewhere. Dated a woman that my sexual attraction was about a three, but she was golden elsewhere. It didn’t work out either. You definately need a strong combination of both to make it work.

David

March 6th, 2012
8:35 am

If she was hot and treated me decent, I can do that. If she is hot, but mean, that might go on for a couple of dates. No attraction, but nice, that would qualify as a pity date…a “we can be great friends” date. Bottom line is that attraction or sexual attraction is a must. I have many female friends that I’m not attracted to and I treat them nice, but would not consider dating. At best, it may be a FWB situation simply because neither one of us were dating anyone else. “Maintenance” if you will. Anyone that says that they only gook for the “good hearted”, “Thoughtful” or “Decent” and place little or no regard on the physical attraction, I’m calling BS on that one….unless you aren’t the most attractive bird in the bush to start with. On the other hand, the old saying says to date unattractive people because they are overjoyed just to be in the game. Kidding folks….just kidding.

Exiled!

March 6th, 2012
8:50 am

Physical attraction is as important as mental chemistry!

She may be ‘hot’ on the Outside, but a whimp in the hot kitchen upstairs! He he he.. :grin:

It’s not cool building up that sexual attraction only to be left alone holding a red hot rod coz the intended mutual beneficiary is tame,pshyco,too self image conscious and/or just doesn’t have it in them.

Not All fine horses are Execellent runners on the race track!

Good Morning BlogsVille!

Audra

March 6th, 2012
8:51 am

Agree with Hugh and David. Physical attraction is a must. However, it’s not enough by itself. A good combo of each – and I don’t mean Brad Pitt with a PhD – is good. I mean someone who I can see myself in an intimate situation with, and want that, but can also have a good conversation with and who treats me right.
Ditto on the “I don’t care about looks” BS, David. We all have different standards, but everyone has to feel that spark, or it fizzles before it starts.

Audra

March 6th, 2012
8:52 am

LOL, Exiled. :)

disco

March 6th, 2012
9:08 am

good morning y’all. I’m going to take today’s post at face value and answer as to hotness and sexual compatibility only. I’m taking all of that “good people/good personality/good heart” stuff out of the equation. in a straight up no strings attached jump off scenario then hotness is where it’s at. personally, I know I put a little bit more effort into it if I think the guy is hot than if I think he’s regular. I’m going to assume that a guy probably puts a little more effort into pleasing a hot chick than he does when banging a run of the mill chick. I’m guessing part of this is because you might get out what you put in but I’m also thinking it’s an ego thing. if you can please someone that hot it almost makes you hotter by association.

Jaded Guy

March 6th, 2012
9:09 am

Enter your comments here

Jaded Guy

March 6th, 2012
9:12 am

Is Physical Attraction Enough?

NOPE.

If you are phsyically attracted to her, you can bet the men with whom she cheats on you will be physically attracted to her as well.

Physical attraction is really it takes for her to cheat on you.

You need a woman of SUBSTANCE who is emotionally grounded to you and what you have to offer her (& vice versa).

David

March 6th, 2012
9:14 am

“if you can please someone that hot it almost makes you hotter by association”

That’s actually pretty funny….and oh, so true. If SHE is constantly seen with hot guys, there must be something to her. If HE is always in the company of gorgeous women, wonder what he’s got that keeps them coming? Disco is just a Fountain of Truth!

Purple

March 6th, 2012
9:16 am

It’s part of the rules of being a man to learn your woman in the bedroom. If you don’t then you will sound like the guy who just posted at 9:12.

Jaded Guy

March 6th, 2012
9:19 am

Purple,

You can have that cheating, gold-digging, selfish 8!T(# .

It is better off to be by yourself than to be with someone you can’t trust and who doesn’t reciprocate the respect you show her.

disco

March 6th, 2012
9:21 am

I think of gabrielle union/omar epps in love & basketball when she commented that she’d just like to lick the sweat off of him.

David

March 6th, 2012
9:23 am

Purple, there are basically three types of women with regard to your post. 1) Those that don’t know and don’t want to know, 2) Those that don’t know, but are willing/eager to learn, 3) Those that know, enjoy learning and will probably teach you a few things as well.

I’m going on record as I prefer #3. I don’t like to have to teach, suggest or instruct. I’d prefer someone that’s ridden the bicycle before, knows herself and her body and knows what she likes. I’d rather enjoy sharing our combined “knowledge” instead of taking a step back and try to instruct. That’s for the college folks.

Mike P

March 6th, 2012
9:26 am

Sexual attraction: a must.
Physical attraction: a must.
Submissiveness: a must.
Substance: a must.
Bedroom misses: a learning work in progress :D

Good Morning folks.

disco

March 6th, 2012
9:28 am

purple – yesterday you mentioned your inability to effectively communicate with the females. today I’m asking your assistance in communicating with the males because I don’t understand why they are jumping all over you this a.m. what did I miss?

Purple

March 6th, 2012
9:33 am

disco, don’t know..don’t care, I am comfortable with who I am sooooo I don’t fall into other folks emotions.

disco

March 6th, 2012
9:37 am

just checking. thought maybe you said something in man-speak that I wasn’t able to decipher.

Leggs

March 6th, 2012
9:44 am

No, it’s not.

Audra

March 6th, 2012
9:45 am

Purple speaks the truth! Some of the jaded ones need to look at their part in it, and who they picked. Maybe you chose the gold digger??

Also, Mike P: submissiveness, really? Did we step back in time to 1950?

Luther Mulky

March 6th, 2012
9:46 am

It certainly helps. My gf thought I needed to know about a bunch of sleazy stuff (3somes and stuff) she’d done in the past the other night when we were having some drinks and I would very likely dump any other girl that told me all that stuff. But, she’s smoking hot so I’m hard pressed to kick her to the curb. Also, there’s much more than physical attraction with us, we click like we’re best buds. But seriously ladies if you really like a guy and you think he really likes you, don’t go telling him things that will probably hurt him just because you have some overwhelming need to be “honest” about things he would never otherwise find out about!!!! Geez

n

March 6th, 2012
9:47 am

That is an unbelievably great

Purple

March 6th, 2012
9:49 am

disco, this is my personal opinion as I don’t speak for all men. I would look at a guy funny if he came to me and said, “he and his woman were not compatible in the bedroom” If you love the woman and are attracted to her take the time to learn her and in turn she learns you.

Exiled!

March 6th, 2012
9:50 am

A lot of people say Halle is beautiful.

If she were,the men who have married her would have been the most fulfilled. Would think it would been enough.

Sadly,she is always singing..on to the next one!

kimmie - the original :)

March 6th, 2012
9:53 am

Good morning All!

I’m reading the topic to be a little different than what everyone else is interpreting it to be. Wise’s friend is physically attracted to his girlfriend. He thinks she’s hot. They get along great. But when they get to the bedroom, that’s where things fizzle. All that outside stuff goes out the window. The actual bedroom action is lackluster.

Just because someone is pretty and nice and intelligent and loyal does not mean they will be compatible with you in bed. Sometimes things just click in that area, sometimes they can if you put in the work, other times they will never work. You have to decide what you are willing to do. Do you think the person has potential and if you work thru things a little longer it will get better? Or are they just a lost cause?

That’s a tough one that should be handled on a case-by-case basis.

Audra – Mike P comes on with that submissive stuff all the time to get the women riled up. Pay him no mind.

Audra

March 6th, 2012
9:57 am

” If you love the woman and are attracted to her take the time to learn her and in turn she learns you”

No kidding. Stunning, now that I’m single, how the men I’ve dated (2)don’t get this. I always had good sex with the ex-husband, and he’s a man who’s paid attention to that, how to be good in bed. I have come to the conclusion that many men just don’t care. Wham-bam-thank-you-maam has NOT gone out of style, sadly. :(

Kimmie, thanks for the tip. :)

Leggs

March 6th, 2012
9:58 am

@LutherM ~ I too do not understand why some want to show the skeletons in their closet. I for one will not speak on everything I did in my younger years. It has no bearing on my present relationship so I’ll let sleeping dogs remain sleeping. Sure, I’ll speak on some things, just not everything.

Exiled!

March 6th, 2012
9:59 am

I don’t see nothing wrong with Mike P’s submissive preferance!

if it gets him Off he has to look for the right one,. the one with a submissive mentality.

Isn’t that what the topic is addressing…hot(outside) ain’t enough!

There are other qualities that men or women desire.

Some hot women are so insecure even.

What irony!

Leggs

March 6th, 2012
10:03 am

A lot of hot women are insecure…

disco

March 6th, 2012
10:03 am

audra – and as I’ve pointed out many times a lot of men really think they are doing the damned thing. they think this because they’ve “had no complaints”.

kimmie – interesting perspective. a lot of people cope with less than satisfying sex because everything else is good. me today can’t do it. me 20 years from now, who knows.

SlimUno

March 6th, 2012
10:06 am

If you love the woman and are attracted to her take the time to learn her and in turn she learns you

Purp – I agree…just like it takes time to get to know someone, sometimes it takes that same energy to learn each other on a physical level. Everyone is not always going to be on the same sexual comfort/freak level. And frankly, some chicks play that coy role just to make it seem as if the man brought a certain thing out of her. When in acuality it was there all along. She just didn’t want to scare you with her freak level lol

Exiled!

March 6th, 2012
10:08 am

‘less than satisfying’ is a relative term

add to the fact that a relationship is not excellent coz everything ties to a t

I think Only God has it to a t

chappy

March 6th, 2012
10:13 am

Wish I had a nickle for everytime I’ve heard a guy say he married his girl because she was attractive to find out later they had nothing going on. No intimacy, no common bonds, no interests…

I’d be rich, I really really would.

There is more to love than being “attracted” and no, its not enough. There are more attractive fishes in the sea, take time to find someone you have multiple things going on.

kimmie - the original :)

March 6th, 2012
10:13 am

Exiled – I didn’t say anything was wrong with it, but most take that term completely out of context. I mentioned to 4Real on here last week that it’s one of the most misused and misunderstood terms in the biblical sense of a marriage. Mike P brings it up on here all the time because he knows people misuse it and get riled up. It’s not helpful to the discussion.

kimmie - the original :)

March 6th, 2012
10:14 am

Exiled/Leggs – A lot of non-hot women are insecure too. Insecure because they are not hot!LOL!!

kimmie - the original :)

March 6th, 2012
10:16 am

disco – I couldn’t deal with it either. To me it just sets up resentment later down the rode. What you deemed as insignificant and small will eventually blow up to something big.

disco

March 6th, 2012
10:16 am

what about folks who swear they are hot and you find yourself wondering where in the heck did they get that idea from. yeah yeah yeah, it’s all relative and beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that but some folks are more of a hot mess than they are hot.

okay – I’m sorry. I’m in a “shallow” mood today.

kimmie - the original :)

March 6th, 2012
10:19 am

disco – If you gotta tell everyone you are hot, well…..

Leggs

March 6th, 2012
10:19 am

Stop twisting things, kimmie, but thanks for the laugh. Everyone is “hot” to some degree. Being “hot” doesn’t necessarily mean you have an hourglass figure. Ok, the guys may disagree with me. But we all have something fabulous that helps us standout from others. We simply have to find it, cultivate it and know how to market it!

disco

March 6th, 2012
10:22 am

leggs – yeah right.

Exiled!

March 6th, 2012
10:24 am

Disco!

those who swear to their ‘hotness’ are proly more insecure than hot.

mouthing that off is kinda compensatory,trying lull folks off their perceived shortcomings.

chappy

March 6th, 2012
10:24 am

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I tried dating some folks I wouldnt normally and didn’t find their character or anything else made up for the fact they were ugly. It was as if society had marginilized them and so they took every opportunity to be exactly what they were shunned for.

I guess there is a reason an 8 marries an 8, and a 2 marries a 2. Or like Julia Roberts be a (most people would agree she ranged high on attractiveness, at least when she was young) and marry a 2 and divorce him in a couple months.

Looks are in the picture, and important, BUT I think, there can and should be more for it to be worth stopping for.

kimmie - the original :)

March 6th, 2012
10:24 am

Attractive will get you the interview. As to whether you get thru the probationary period to permanent status depends on other things.

Remember Charlotte on Sex in the City

March 6th, 2012
10:25 am

She was a hottie that ironically found comfort in someone that she was initially NOT attracted to but later married….explain that one..

Darling

March 6th, 2012
10:25 am

I am a female, and I consider myself a 9 on a physical attractiveness scale of 1-10. I have dated a guy that was also extremely physically attractive. He made me laugh, we’d talk about a variety of topics, he was dependable, etc, but sexually it just wasn’t happening, so no, it didn’t work. It’s not enough. Def have to have a balance that works for you.

chappy

March 6th, 2012
10:26 am

@leggs, I agree wholeheartedly.

Confidence makes a 5 an 8 and insecurities and other mind messiness makes a 9 a 5.

(Does everyone know each other in here?)

disco

March 6th, 2012
10:28 am

chappy – sure we all know each other (here). here being the operative word.

chappy

March 6th, 2012
10:30 am

@remember Charlotte, like it or not, guys don’t have to be hot if they have cash. In upper level of societies, it works the other way around also, because the guy plans to have something on the side. It might not be right, but its true.

@ darling – I found extremely attractive people can be pretty bad at sex. They get what they want, but every body is trying to please them, they often never discover its supposed to be a two way street. Just my experience.

kimmie - the original :)

March 6th, 2012
10:33 am

I think the moral of this story is that people tend to make assumptions and stereotypes before they really get to know a person. Some assume that because a person is attractive, they are automatically gonna be good in bed (or not) and have a nasty, entitled attitude because they’ve always gotten by on their looks. They may also be assumed to be less intelligent and insecure. On the other hand, people assume those that are less attrative are more intelligent, nicer and will try harder in bed and elsewhere because they have to work harder than those that can get by on their looks.

I’ve made the assumption that a less-attractive guy was going to be nicer to me and be less likely to hurt me. Boy was I wrong.

So, my advice is to just go for medium. Not hot, not mild, just medium.

:lol:

hryder

March 6th, 2012
10:34 am

Been married to my bride for over 44 years. Compatable in all major areas. The minor things are acknowledged and either her or my way accepted or a workable compromise acknowledged and accepted by both of us. Both of us have said to the other, “You come first before my selfish desires.”