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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating dilemma: Reputation management issues?

This city may have a lot of people living here, but that doesn’t mean six degrees of separation can’t become a major issue on the dating scene. If you do a lot of grimy things to people in an attempt to sow your wild oats, it’s only a matter of time before you are faced with your bad behaviors.

Whether you are confronted by a scorned ex in Virginia Highlands or put blast on some social media network, or shady behavior, your reputation can become a bit of a calling card – good or bad.

So what do you do when you are dating someone who has “reputation management issues” and you really like them? Do you listen to the horror stories about them and cut things off or give them a shot to disprove the bad rap?

Have you ever had a reputation management issue? Did you ever have to explain to your date why someone is still raging mad at you for something you did in the past?

At what point should we let our past dating mistakes stop influencing our current romances?

Happy Monday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

156 comments Add your comment

Lily

March 5th, 2012
7:28 am

Where’s my post???

Lily

March 5th, 2012
7:37 am

I had a greeeat response. In a nutshell, people won’t likely change if they’ve been allowed the spoon, fork and knife, the ice cream and the cake or operated under a smeared conscious. No. If I hear about bad behavior or it becomes blatant that you make the rules as you go alone, NO…no to anything, any possibilities.

Bill Clinton

March 5th, 2012
7:37 am

“Raging mad at me?”…..Couldn’t happen to me….I employed the “one night stand” strategy…..Never was there long enough to give the girls ammunition………Pretty cool, huh?

Lily

March 5th, 2012
7:38 am

At no point will I “consider” anything.

disco

March 5th, 2012
9:21 am

good morning lily. did everyone else get blown away over the weekend?

Mr. Unknown

March 5th, 2012
9:25 am

Good Morning,
Everyone has a past good or bad. I say there should be a statute of limitations regarding past events, I don’t need to be held accountable for my past indiscretions and the person Im dating shouldn’t have a say either way. Now If we are talking about someone that was beating his ex-girl down, then yeah I can understand.

Im not the same person I was five or ten years ago. If you are someone still bad mouthing your ex after a certain amount of time, grow up, suck it up, get on with your life. People need to start believing in Karma, trust me its a $%itch when comes back on you.

Lily

March 5th, 2012
9:28 am

Good morning disco. I’m hoping it’s that sluggish Monday morning thing going on.

Purple

March 5th, 2012
9:29 am

Everyone has a past. Some pasts are more well known than others. I really care about how a person is with me and not their history.

Leggs

March 5th, 2012
9:36 am

Good morning.

I have always said, “dating in Atlanta is like 285. It’s only a matter of time before you run into someone you used to date.”

disco

March 5th, 2012
9:41 am

actually I’ve lived in charlotte more than 8 years and don’t have a local dating history here. there’s a few guys I’ve met and talked to or had dinner with but no physical history with. the most recent ex lives in SC and the one prior to that was a long distance relationship. I can still get out and about and not expect to run into anyone I know.

SlimUno

March 5th, 2012
10:00 am

Morning All,

Soooo Leggs, how did the date go over the weekend?

Purple

March 5th, 2012
10:04 am

LOL Leggs, did you wear jeans?

Leggs

March 5th, 2012
10:08 am

I wound up having two dates, one Saturday night and my original one Sunday evening. Both quite different, but really connected with the my original date last night. Had a blast. And, he too is from The Bronx. There was a connection on both our parts, and we will be going out again.

kimmie - the original :)

March 5th, 2012
10:10 am

Morning All!

All I can say is that once you become an adult, there are consequences for every decision you make, whether it’s dropping out of high school, having 3 kids before you are 20, giving it up every 1st(and last) date in your 20’s, beating your baby mama, slashing your exes tires, you get the picture. So no matter where you go or where you live, your poor decisions will have to be dealt with at one point or another. That’s just the way life works.

As for your past affecting your present dating situation, for me it would depend on what the transgression was and how you dealt with it. That could run the gamut.

With the internet & social media today, it is hard to leave the past in the past. There will forever be a record of some folk’s past because they are foolish enough to post pictures of it on the internet. Another poor decision they will have to live down!

Purple

March 5th, 2012
10:12 am

Leggs, so what was the story with the jeans?

Celisea

March 5th, 2012
10:13 am

Morning…lovely weekend!

Every person should be held accountable for their actions. If that means potentially missing out on “the one” because of past indiscretions, we’d deem that to be consequences. Every person has to know if “living the good life” is a life at other’s expense, at some point that’s going to run out or I should say somewhere along the lines of time you have to pay the piper. Rather than the aggrevation of knowing no one will deal or look past your past, take accountability sleep in the bed you made. Sleeping in the bed you made is not final judgement. Sometimes you missed the one that could have been or even worst, sometimes you have to takes extra steps and earn back a rep u ta tion that someone can live and deal with.

Leggs

March 5th, 2012
10:14 am

@Purple ~ I respected his request and wore a nice black and grey dress with black pumps.

Audra

March 5th, 2012
10:15 am

I give them a chance. I mean, unless I hear they kill puppies or something. Then zero chance. :) But really, you never know. I take it into account as part of my info on the person in my little info bank as I get to know them.

Leggs

March 5th, 2012
10:17 am

@Purple ~ the story with the jeans is he thought I might wear jeans with it being a Sunday evening so he requested that I not wear jeans. He wore a nice black shirt with beige pants and black shoes. Did the belt match the shoes, I don’t know (lol). He wore his shirt outside his pants.

Purple

March 5th, 2012
10:18 am

No Leggs i am asking not what you wore, but why did he ask you not to wear them. Was it because of where you all went or not? because some bloggers said he may be showing controlling tendancies and I just thought it was the proper dress for where you two were going.

Leggs

March 5th, 2012
10:29 am

Jeans would definitely fit with this establishment. He said he simply wanted to get away from the jean mode.

Purple

March 5th, 2012
10:35 am

Nothing wrong with that Leggs, I am glad you all had a great time and are going out again. Now take nobody’s advice and just do what you feel! Enjoy yourself, you deserve it!

disco

March 5th, 2012
10:37 am

well leggs – in that case – the jury’s still out. I think I said it was either a control issue or he wanted to make sure you were dressed appropriately which would have been good looking out. but if jeans would have been appropriate and he only wanted to get away from jeans mode I have to say I’m on the fence. since you did have a good time I’m leaning toward being on his side though. (as if my two cents add up to anything more than two cents).

Leggs

March 5th, 2012
10:37 am

“and I just thought it was the proper dress for where you two were going.” – How so, I didn’t report on the blog where I was going??

disco

March 5th, 2012
10:42 am

leggs – I think that purple just means that he thought dude was just looking out by suggesting jeans. like if you’d worn jeans you’d have felt out of place.

Purple

March 5th, 2012
10:52 am

Thank you disco for clarifying. I have accepted the fact that I just can’t communicate with women clearly….so I just ignore them and say what I want. LOL

disco

March 5th, 2012
10:59 am

actually purp I thought you were pretty clear. leggs might be pulling your leg or maybe she just forgot Friday’s convo. would y’all believe I went to the movies on a humbug yesterday afternoon and I was the ONLY person in the theatre. the only one. it was almost eerie. I don’t know if I felt odd or like a vip. and then after the movie an usher had the nerve to come in with a trash can and broom like I made a big old mess by myself.

kimmie - the original :)

March 5th, 2012
11:00 am

Thinking back, I’m a native ATLian. I have run into an ex maybe twice the entire time since I moved back after college. Most of the men I dated have either moved away or we just don’t run in the same circles anymore. None attend my church. At this point in our lives, most are married and/or have families and are not hitting clubs anymore. We all don’t go to the same restaurants & kids don’t go to the same schools or play on the same teams. This town is big enough for us to co-exist!

I’m not perfect, but I’ve done nothing to be ashamed of if I did run into any of them.

disco

March 5th, 2012
11:07 am

kimmie – you are a “good girl”. some of us are waiting on the statute of limitations to expire.

Purple

March 5th, 2012
11:11 am

disco, define “good”? LOL I am sure kimmie has a past, she just wasn’t “reckless” lol

kimmie - the original :)

March 5th, 2012
11:13 am

disco – LOL!! I guess I’m thinking “at this age, you’re STILL trying to live down a bad rep?” Most of us on here are not 20 year olds. Looks like by now the mess would be getting old. Grow up already if you still gotta look over your shoulder!

disco

March 5th, 2012
11:14 am

purple – in this case by good I’m just assuming she’s not waiting on the statute to run on any of her past indiscretions.

Leggs

March 5th, 2012
11:15 am

Cold Cut Artist = Teena Marie (404) 741-1085..tix for Earthquake, Bruce, Bruce and others.

Leggs

March 5th, 2012
11:18 am

Thank you disco for clarifying. I have accepted the fact that I just can’t communicate with women clearly….so I just ignore them and say what I want. LOL – FUNNY.

@disco ~ I didn’t forget Friday’s convo (lol). I did say I was going out to dinner.

Purple

March 5th, 2012
11:22 am

kimmie, I agree with your 11:13. I think it has to do a lot with attitude and maturity. I can’t think of anything a person could do to get me riled up to the point of acting out and making myself look like a fool or doing a foolish act. That’s not to say I am cool hand luke all of the time or the model man/husband. I have come close to the line but usually I think it out and turn around or something happens to show me the peril that comes with the potential joy that makes me just pull back.

Leggs

March 5th, 2012
11:26 am

Oops you guys won’t win a thing with that number (404) 741-1075. Doesn’t matter, the line stays busy which indicates they already have a winner because the clues were so easy.

kimmie - the original :)

March 5th, 2012
11:30 am

Purple – Right. Like I said before, I’m by no means perfect. When I was younger, it was fear of what my parents would say/do and my not wanting to bring shame to them that helped hold me back. I had my fun, but I knew just how far to go. I’m a full-grown a– woman now and parents are gone. But I have so much more to lose by acting a fool. Miss me with the mess.

disco

March 5th, 2012
11:32 am

like I said – kimmie’s a “good girl”. don’t know what it says about me that I have a “get out of jail” plan in place. yep. sure do. you just never know.

Purple

March 5th, 2012
11:36 am

kimmie, I understand fully. Growing up I knew better I just had to learn for myself, but my core values were there I just took the rough road during my lost years.

kimmie - the original :)

March 5th, 2012
11:37 am

disco – Well, I have a “stay out of jail to begin with” plan. Everyone, including my kids, knows I’m not taking the rap for them and don’t include me in their mess!LOL!!! Funny, my dad was the go-to guy to bail everybody out, but he’s gone now. Hubs is a lawyer, but other than that, I’m on my own!!

SlimUno

March 5th, 2012
11:49 am

disco – What did you end up going to see that had you as a theater VIP?

Willie Dynamite

March 5th, 2012
11:52 am

Morning (barely) All,

I beliee my rep as a good guy is still intact. I can’t think of any past ex or fling that I would dread bumping into even if i had the Wifey with me. I may have had a few indiscretions but nothing that I am ashamed of or would wince when recalling or telling the story. I’ve always flown under the radar so all is good on this end. I may have a karma tab that I’m trying to settle but nothing that drastic that causes a change in behavior or disgust.

disco

March 5th, 2012
11:58 am

slim – I went to see a 1:30 showing of good deeds.

Purple

March 5th, 2012
11:59 am

Willie, I have the exact opposite of your experiences. But the grace was that I broke contact with those in the past and they were the ones who held my past discretions against me and when they reared their ugly head i was suprised of the fact that those I kept in my life, true friends, are the ones who actually defended me. I guess what I am saying is that people change it’s the ones in your past who try to keep the old you around and in the news.

Purple

March 5th, 2012
12:00 pm

I saw “Act of Valor” it was a good movie.

Celisea

March 5th, 2012
12:03 pm

My upbrinding and motto is to live in such a way that you don’t have to worry or live looking back or live in regret. Nothing to do wth perfection. For me, while my kid is not a mistake, having one outside of marriage and weathering that walk is the sort of “extreme” I encountered. I don’t regret it one bit. All the other things I learned along the way that left me jail-less (can I say), disease free, shot or stabbed are things or situation where what I was taught kicked in….if this makes sense. Again, I’m not as pure as the driven snow :)

I have a kid and who to better benefit from my mistakes?? I tell her many many things I experienced, as I feel it’s needed in this day and age and many more lesson to disclose…as needed. Some things she’s looking at me like I’ve grown two heads, some things she looks like she feels bad for (what I went through), some things she’ll tell me later “mama I thought about what you told me and had a good laugh.”

I often feel the road you walked or are walking, someone else will always benefit from your lessons learned. If you overcame or came out alright or are overcoming, be happy. If there are some things where you’re having consequences, don’t blame others or get mad at the world. Suck it up and show you’re wo/man enough to take it as it come.

Celisea

March 5th, 2012
12:04 pm

NOT shot or stabbed… :)

Celisea

March 5th, 2012
12:07 pm

By the sound of “chips”, I knew it was lunch time. Didn’t realize it was this late in the day.

Celisea

March 5th, 2012
12:10 pm

WillieD – Did you do the dumplings?

Willie Dynamite

March 5th, 2012
12:12 pm

Purp – Thats called GROWTH.
I surely have done my fair share of dirt and no matter how many times i wash them the dirt is still under the fingernails so to speak. I can say that i never did anything bad to anyone that didn’t have it coming. Same for Women, I may have broken a few hearts but at the same time it was not malicious in intent. Back when i was younger I tended to treat them like I met them. If it was part of the game then No hard feelings.