Tell your mate to lose weight?
Do you know what it’s like to be so caught up in a new romance that you sort of let things fall to the wayside? You get super comfortable being part of a couple and you don’t spend as much time primping, grooming, or uh…exercising.
That’s right a new couple is likely to pack on a few pounds being in love. It is usually something that gets rectified after a couple of weeks, but what happens when weeks turn in to months? Do you tell your partner that they have let themselves go too much?
It is a tough position to be in! You would not want to be the insensitive jerk that dumped someone you really liked over a couple of pounds. I know a lot of people who have a real fear of being in a relationship with someone who let themselves go. Does it mean we are too shallow?
How do you bring up the topic of extra pounds? What can you do if you don’t feel sexually attracted to them because of the weight gain?
Has this situation ever happened to you? What advice can you give for someone facing this relationship dilemma?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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368 comments Add your comment
Leggs
February 29th, 2012
11:20 am
@ThirdWheel ~ I too am glad you’re feeling better about the relationship and about yourself. How much weight did you gain? And, isn’t him still living under the same roof with you difficult? It was difficult for me when my ex refused to leave.
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
11:23 am
Kimmie – I thought the same thing with ment being allowed to complain because they’re know as the visuals ones. Ummm, I am too and probably many more women. I like a nice body too. I’m not hung up or over the top or will mention eight days a week but by the same token, I don’t want a big bellied, grunting, breathing loud joker. That’s a turn off.
If I have to work at keeping myself up, I want you to do the same or let’s agree to find time together. But don’t write me a list of things to do when your list is longer than mine…lol
Purple
February 29th, 2012
11:24 am
I live an active life, always outdoors(not to mention growing up on a farm where you did physical work for chores daily), always eat healthy (raised that way) and I have been a runner since I’ve been able to walk. It’s a way of life…fitness is life. And I found someone just like me to marry. i’ve said it on her many of times that it is even one of the things that I look for when i was dating. My kids will grow up healthy fit and active as well. Extra pounds, what’s that?
disco
February 29th, 2012
11:24 am
Ex – I was thinking “what’s eating gilbert grape”
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
11:26 am
MMeello – I mentioned “gym” but I actually like walking and getting outdoors. I think that’s better. I just know though if I want to get through something disciplined, say a routine, timing and all, I hit the gym.
czBrat
February 29th, 2012
11:26 am
hmmm. al, i see your dilemma. have you tried giving yourselves a goal? maybe planning a getaway for late summer that would encourage her to be in better shape? knowing that a beach is somewhere in the near future ALWAYS keeps my ass consistently on the treadmill at least twice a week.
ok so this —> women tend to hint around it with all of those suggestive techniques …… all that honey let’s take a walk after we finish eating our whole grain pasta stuff will likely go right over his head. was not directed to me but apparently refers to my post. at no time did i say dude should not be told there’s a problem. my comment simply focused on helping him DO something about it. again, that’s just how me and mine get down.
audra, you remind me of a recent dinner we attended at a friend’s home where one woman actually brought her own salad because she was trying to eat healthier. s/o had to point out to her that the zaxby’s fried chicken salad with creamy dressing was actually not a better choice than just filling up on some of the veggies and fish that the hosts had laid out.
kimmie - the original :)
February 29th, 2012
11:26 am
Now that the kids have started back soccer, I walk around the walking trail around the soccer field while the boy practices, twice a week now.
We are slowly but surely putting together a nice little home gym area.
Exiled – You are right, unless you want to check out eyecandy, well gyms just never worked for me, even when I lived almost within walking distance of one years ago. I just wasted my money every month. You can find cheap and free ways to get in exercise.
Walmart and even places like Marshalls & TJMaxx have yoga and workout stuff like hand weights and mats for cheap. There are some good used sporting equip places too where you can get decent gym equip for your home.
I cannot wait until spring, because I am going to put a bike rack on my car and take the kids to the park to ride bikes.
Lady~
February 29th, 2012
11:29 am
Honey Child love your posts honey!
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
11:29 am
My biggest dilemna is finding the time. I get here early, I’m here late. When I leave it’s “what’s for dinner/what to cook”, pick the kid up from my mom. By that time it’s always past 7pm and I’m tired and ready to go home.
ThirdWheel
February 29th, 2012
11:30 am
@Leggs Hey!! I gained 77lbs in this relationship. I was on the right track when I met him. Then he started getting on my case about spending all my time at the gym and how I should eat more than salads. Plus he is a manager at a pizza chain so he was bringing home food all the time. We would stay in and eat. I tried my best to keep going to the gym but, push came to shove and I gave up. Then two years later I look like I could give birth any day and decided that I cannot continue to live this life like that. So now everyday I get up at 5 in the morning and drive to the gym. I am lucky because my gym is located at my job. I am determined to get this weight off.
As far as still living together it’s heck on earth… I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. We signed a two year lease and we haven’t even made it one year yet. I am throwing my hands up and moving out though. I just don’t care what is going to happen but, a person shouldn’t have to stress about coming home from a long day at work worrying about what drama is going to take place and if the other person is going to start it. Last night I could have sworn that I was going to be on that TV show SNAPPED…. I gotta move.. PRONTO! Thank God I didn’t marry him….
Lady~
February 29th, 2012
11:30 am
Kimmie my lil lady starts softball soon too and I am going to work those hills out!!!!!
Exiled!
February 29th, 2012
11:35 am
There early and leave late?
Cel?
How bout building ur home gym slowly and have a routine every day to exercise before u shower in the morning or before u go to bed.
That way u don’t have to drive to the gym and spend more time.
al
February 29th, 2012
11:35 am
CzBrat – you have good thoughts. We are actually going on a cruise in May and she just mentioned that she has 3 months to get into shape/lose weight for it. The problem with that thinking is what happens when the cruise is over?
It was on a cruise 3 years ago when I realized I had turned a corner on my approach to fitness when it felt totally natural to keep up my normal workout routine on vacation. It is a harder battle when it is not a part of your life as much as brushing your teeth, taking a shower, going to work, etc.
Purple
February 29th, 2012
11:36 am
Wondering out loud: What happened to all of those running plans I did for the blog ladies? Well SexyCool stuck with it and is a bonafide runner now! LOL Where is she anyway?
kimmie - the original :)
February 29th, 2012
11:38 am
Lady – I tell you, between the martial arts and the folks walking and jogging at the soccer fields, it is real motivation! Funny, most of the folks exercising are already in great shape, but you gotta maintain! I cannot tell you how many FINE men I see. Boy, where were they when I was single! It’s so good to see them not only healthy, but out setting a great example for their kids. I’ve been telling my single friends, it’s the best kept not-so-secret secret!
disco
February 29th, 2012
11:38 am
brat – actually audra’s post was my motivation. trust me, I’m not shooting daggers at anyone.
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
11:40 am
MMeello – Actually I was doing some sort of routine in the mornings to the blonde chick with the spiked platinum(blonde) hair. Very good regimen. That was hard. So I started doing before bed.
I’m better either on a treadmill getting timed or out walking. I can walked for miles and not really bother by it. But jumping and hoping around and up/down on the steps is bothersome for me.
czBrat
February 29th, 2012
11:40 am
kimmie, i have a home gym but i keep a very cheap membership to ‘workout anytime’ for when it’s just too unpleasant to run outside. i find it helps eliminate excuses coz, chica, if there’s an excuse to be made i will give it a damn good try.
celisea, that’s a tough situation. other than staying active on weekends, doesn’t sound like there’s much you can do about your schedule. it would take tremendous dedication on your part but maybe you can turn your lunch hour into gym time. i used to work at a place where i only got 45 mins for lunch, but there was a free gym on the ground floor. so every day i put in 20 minutes on the eliptical before a quick shower and back to my desk with my homemade lunch. that routine probably woudn’t do much to get one in shape, but it certainly helps contain the damage.
kimmie - the original :)
February 29th, 2012
11:41 am
Purple – I thought about that plan you put together for me! I had to just be honest and realize I would rather get a tooth drilled with no anestecia than run!LOL!! But I’m getting back on track with everything else, so it’s all good.
Lady~
February 29th, 2012
11:41 am
Kimmie eye candy and motivation like no other and yes they are in shape and holding it down!!!!
Lady~
February 29th, 2012
11:42 am
Purple I am joining Tazzee on the 15th for a Walk/Run event so there is my start as far as a race…..
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
11:43 am
czBrat – I went to Anytime over in Vinings but there was no one there so I called the number on the window. Of course no one answered. Someone called me back the next day, guess took my number from caller ID and asked if I wanted to make an appointment. I was turned off by all the snottiness behind that.
Lady~
February 29th, 2012
11:44 am
Kimmie I am FINALLY going to get an iphone soon so I will have my music by me and won’t have to fumble with my Blackberry! I am actually excited!
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
11:45 am
I’ve slacked off walking because that’s usually done on my lunch break. It’s been cold and if not cold, bad weather. For the days where it got really nice, I hit the pavement. But I really need for the weather to get nice and stay nice.
Leggs
February 29th, 2012
11:47 am
“s/o had to point out to her that the zaxby’s fried chicken salad with creamy dressing was actually not a better choice than just filling up on some of the veggies and fish that the hosts had laid out.” – Wow, was she really that DENSE. Still, I laughed…
Lady~
February 29th, 2012
11:49 am
bbl crew!
czBrat
February 29th, 2012
11:50 am
al, don’t look for the fail already. what could happen is the spark that reignites her drive to keep it going. s/o and i luv island getaways so we keep a vacation fund to make sure they’re always in the budget. and knowing that another one is just around the corner, like i said, keeps us both determined to not blend in with the whales.
celisea, give zumba a try. just as much hopping and spinning but ohhhhh soooo fun!!
purple, sexy has her very first half-marry coming up real soon. if you had anything to do with that, good job!!
Honey Child
February 29th, 2012
11:53 am
I’m better either on a treadmill getting timed or out walking. I can walked for miles and not really bother by it. But jumping and hoping around and up/down on the steps is bothersome for me.
This is so me!
I love walking. And if my hubby comes along, it’s even more fun
kimmie - the original :)
February 29th, 2012
11:55 am
Leggs- You’d be surprised at how many folks just do not get it! They think the word SALAD automatically makes it healthy and it can be 3 times the fat & calories of a lean meat and 3 veggie sides.
Like it kills me to see people get mashed potatoes with gravy and corn and think they are doing something cause both are technically vegetables! You have nothing but starches there to pack on the pounds, not a green vegetable in sight. I’m getting hubs around to see that. We grew up having at least 3 vegetables with dinner and at least one had to be green and lean, not dripping with butter and grease either.
disco
February 29th, 2012
11:55 am
celisea – I enjoyed zumba but admit I got bored with it fairly quickly.
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
11:56 am
disco/czBrat – I already know, not doing zumba…lol
disco
February 29th, 2012
11:58 am
but kimmie (I’m whining in case you can’t tell) butter and grease make things taste so good. as does gravy and globs of salad dressing and, of course, cheese.
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
12:03 pm
We need a topic change…this is depressing…lol
czBrat
February 29th, 2012
12:06 pm
celisea, that’s usually my issue too. i only hit the pavement when it feels inviting to me but i’m teaching myself to weather the weather. i’ve already done one slightly unpleasant 5k run this year (50 degrees) and a few cold early morning solo runs, so there’s hope for me yet. i have a treadmill at home for the days i just can’t bring myself to endure the outdoors.
my ‘workout anytime’ will try to kill ya with the personal trainer sales pitches, but i just ignore all that noise. i’ll just take my $10 a month/no contract membership pass. please and thank you!
celisea, disco – i guess it’s an acquired taste. but since i grew up on that stuff i could just zumba all day long. i have four or five dvd’s to switch up and keep it interesting; some zumba, some shaun t and a little flirty girl
disco
February 29th, 2012
12:08 pm
celisea – I’m thinking folks bailed for lunch. I’d change the subject but I can’t think of anything. I will say I listened to the emotions this morning on the drive in and it sounded so good. I was just driving and singing having a good old time.
Leggs
February 29th, 2012
12:08 pm
@ThirdW ~ classic example of misery loving company. Unless one is rail thin, everyone should be suspect of another always encouraging them to eat more crappy food. Especially, if they themselves are overweight. Well, he can’t discourage you from going to work, so take advantage.
Living with someone you have fallen out of love with and you basically have disdain in your eyes for the person is like a lit match waiting to connect with the curtains. Very volatile and unhealty. Glad you’re putting yourself first and GTHO of Dodge.
Well, if you’re glad you didn’t marry him, I’m glad too. I don’t like to see women who believe they are “stuck” in a relationship. No such thing as being “stuck!!!”
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
12:10 pm
czBrat – I can probably do cold but not cold and rainy or rainy. I don’t really need intervention though like we’re talking…lol I just need to get up and out. Knock off a few pounds.
disco – I don’t have anything either. I’m sure something will pop up shortly.
kimmie - the original :)
February 29th, 2012
12:11 pm
disco – LOL!!! And you know a touch of it can be tasty. My mother mastered the art of well-seasoned but not fattening southern food. People still talk about it to this day. Simple things like skimming the grease off the top of the pan juices when you bake a roast, before you make the gravy, for example. You have all the wonderful flavor without the guilt.
Growing up eating like that really made me appreciate the real taste of good food not weighed down by fat & grease. Just the thought of some stuff turns my stomach!
Leggs
February 29th, 2012
12:13 pm
@Purple ~ raising my hand…I didn’t stick with my running plan. I’ve incorporated more exercise and Zumba in my routine. SexyC has decided to concentrate more on her job and her marriage plans than blogging. She said she was spending too much time blogging and had to wean herself off. She does miss everyone.
Exiled!
February 29th, 2012
12:14 pm
I am Sexxy and U know it!
bass!!!
Now let’s here a Fat Man/woman say the same..
Challenge!
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
12:15 pm
czBrat – my ‘workout anytime’ will try to kill ya with the personal trainer sales pitches, but i just ignore all that noise. i’ll just take my $10 a month/no contract membership pass. please and thank you!
At which location are you a member? I went to the one on Highlands (where I used to “frequent”), paying my fee as I go and buddy (couple months ago), almost hammered me, trying to get 15 a month with a couple hundred to sign….ummm not. Too many specials in the city. I have something in the mail from LA Fitness.
I did like the gym but the WH guy goes there. Don’t want to see him. Speaking of, last Saturday I went for coffee with hair rollers (hey Randyt…think it was you that hate rollers) and when I pulled in, he was coming out and looked square in my face. I laughed and kept going.
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
12:16 pm
the “other” gym
ThirdWheel
February 29th, 2012
12:19 pm
@Leggs you are right!! I was about ready to pull “The Burning Bed” on him… since he won’t leave I will….Oh and he has the nerve to keep my dog too!! He has turned me off men for now….
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
12:19 pm
The other thing I will say is that I love food but I’m not a huge eater. Never have been. Last night (client dinner), had a salad of which I ate about a third, if that much becuse I wasn’t really hungry. That’s sort of how I eat. Not a wasteful eater just not a big eater. I am a lover of sweets. Doing better there as well. Still have GS cookies that I haven’t finished. It’s been what 3 weeks now?
ThirdWheel
February 29th, 2012
12:20 pm
I enjoyed working out at LA Fitness but they have the nickname Club LA for a reason…. If you want to see pretty people join a LA Fitness….
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
February 29th, 2012
12:20 pm
I’ve never had to tell a lady to lose weight, but if I did it would be tactful. Walking and drinking water works well for me and my health. I’m not into fitness and I’m not fat, I like my size at 265 any smaller I would look like a crack addict. Water is the key, but too much can be toxic to your body.
Leggs
February 29th, 2012
12:21 pm
Now, don’t let him do that, ThirdW! You’re giving him power. I bet you won’t find another 500 lb man trying to dog you out (lol). There are some really wonderful men out there. Don’t let his fat behind weigh you and your emotions down any further. Brush it off as a learning experience and keep on trucking…
Leggs
February 29th, 2012
12:23 pm
@BF ~ you do not look like you weigh 265 (not that I really know what that even looks like), but it sounds llike a high number for weight.
Exiled!
February 29th, 2012
12:24 pm
Third wheel?
Does he bath frequently and well?
fat,heat and bad hygiene…
that’s like a tinder box combination.
Funky as Hells!
Leggs
February 29th, 2012
12:25 pm
Like Bell Biv Devoe said “never trust a big butt and a smile” Pretty sure that applies to both sexes (lol).