Tell your mate to lose weight?
Do you know what it’s like to be so caught up in a new romance that you sort of let things fall to the wayside? You get super comfortable being part of a couple and you don’t spend as much time primping, grooming, or uh…exercising.
That’s right a new couple is likely to pack on a few pounds being in love. It is usually something that gets rectified after a couple of weeks, but what happens when weeks turn in to months? Do you tell your partner that they have let themselves go too much?
It is a tough position to be in! You would not want to be the insensitive jerk that dumped someone you really liked over a couple of pounds. I know a lot of people who have a real fear of being in a relationship with someone who let themselves go. Does it mean we are too shallow?
How do you bring up the topic of extra pounds? What can you do if you don’t feel sexually attracted to them because of the weight gain?
Has this situation ever happened to you? What advice can you give for someone facing this relationship dilemma?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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368 comments Add your comment
czBrat
February 29th, 2012
10:12 am
But when you are in love and in the honeymoon phase then you sort of just lose yourself…Never again….
celisea already said it rather well. i’ll just add ‘what’s done is done’. no more excuses. no more blame. i’m happy for you that you’re putting the work in to turns things around.
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
10:12 am
disco – Funny how genes work. My mom has dark completion, 5′4″ and when I can really remember her (as she had me late) was alway round. Her sisters and their daughters were all 5′9″ – 6′0″ plus, very very fair skinned and slender. My mom took after my grandfather and the sisters and their daughters took after my grandmother. Every one of them high yellow. But they all very very closely favor….my mom and her sisters.
SlimNu
February 29th, 2012
10:14 am
Disco – what if they had a really long wang?
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
10:14 am
Thirdwheel – Yeah, um okay…like someone said and he locked you in the closet until you ate every bite. Or better yet, had you not been with him then you just would not have eaten at all.
Um, yeah okay then…Celisea is partly to blame too.
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
10:19 am
My kid is skinny….very. I really hope she puts on about 10 pounds, she could stand it. The last time she weighed it was 88. Her dad, grandmother,the grand’s identical are all very slim. Her greatgrand (dad’s grandmother) too was very petite and tiny. Healthy as a horse but tiny. When she did she weighed about 98 pounds. I think his mom/twin are about a size 4.
Exiled!
February 29th, 2012
10:22 am
My wife was a model long back and she still likes to keep trim. So it’s not necessarily just about exercising. In fact I think it’s more about watching what u eat and how much. So we have no Big issues there.
But I am blatant in speech. Sorry Lily!(hit dog?):lol:
I call a spade a spade. SHE IS MY WIFE.
No need to tip toe around the edges!
Couple times I have said,’babe,u gaining weight’ and she rushes to the bathroom mirror to look.
And No! Being grown and mature and having kids is No Excuse to be FAT!
EXERCISE FAT PEOPLE, EAT LESS!
The fact that Churches Chicken OrDerS Come in BIG sizes is no e excuse to eat ALL of IT!
Good morning!
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
10:26 am
MMeello – LOL…you’re funny dude. I think it’s okay for a SO to “make mention” that you’re gaining but I don’t agree with folks that are mean and rude and try to work you over mentally. I think one another can say it with love. Don’t be hounding a person though.
Not Churches Chicken…lol I LOVE Popeyes. I don’t eat it often but when I have a hankering, I’m driving up South Cobb (there’s one newly opened) or the EW Connector. There’s one in Austell
disco
February 29th, 2012
10:28 am
post confiscated twice – guess it wasn’t meant to be.
David
February 29th, 2012
10:29 am
You call a woman stupid and she’ll get angry. You call woman fat, and you are likely to lose your life, at the very least a limb or two.
Lady~
February 29th, 2012
10:30 am
disco mine got lost too and I was over it lol
Honey Child
February 29th, 2012
10:32 am
I have been married 16yrs. You better believe there have been some conversations about weight gain and loss during my marriage. From both of us. I don’t expect him to look like he did 25yrs ago when we met and he does not expect that from me. What I do expect is for him to take care of himself so he is happy with him and vice versa. If a person is not happy with their weight or appearance, it puts a strain on the relationship. He knows when he is not looking his best, just like I do. Also, if you have a problem with your mate’s weight the worst thing to do is berate them or be negative about it. You can’t make a grown person do anything they don’t want to do.
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
10:33 am
David – You call woman fat, and you are likely to lose your life, at the very least a limb or two.
Maybe the lost limb or two was eaten by the fat lady. ha ha ha Okay I’m kidding. Just feel silly this morning
Next time don’t call her fat and she won’t eat your limbs.
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
10:33 am
Thank you Ms. Honey….I concur
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
10:35 am
Honestly David, what gives you the right to “call” a woman anything other than her name?
Exiled!
February 29th, 2012
10:38 am
Thirdwheel?!
It’s not about ur luv for him or the honeymoon or any of that nonsense u spewing!
It’s U..u are a grown person,hopefully with a functioning brain.
U beginning to sound like ur self esteem ain’t up to scratch.
Own that fat and get rid of it if u have to.
You weren’t force fed!
Audra
February 29th, 2012
10:43 am
I love all the men on here who are upset when their wives gain weight. She birthed your children and she probably runs her butt off taking care of them, and everything else she keeps up with, which leaves little time for working out. Think about that, and also look in the mirror before you criticize, an overweight man is also not attractive. Be willing to put your money where your mouth is…this goes both ways.
Al, I think the best way to approach her is to start incorporating more excercise into your lives. On the weekends, go for a hike. There are beautiful state parks all over Georgia with tons of trails. Invite your wife to the gym, make it a “couple” thing to go workout and then reward yourselves with dinner out or something. If she doesn’t pick up the hint, you might have to come out and say it, but always couch it in loving, not critical, terms. Oh, and what about cooking? There are tons of healthy versions of basic foods (lasagna, soups, chicken dishes, etc.) on the internet. Maybe offer to cook a few? If you buy groceries, stop buying junk, and say “I’m doing it for me.” A lot of times a person will get on that train with you naturally if you encourage it in a subtle way. I have done it before and it worked. But like I said, if she’s not getting it you might have to be like “honey, I love you and want this to be like it used to be, etc…” You get the picture.
czBrat
February 29th, 2012
10:46 am
disco, lady … blog goblin has apparently labeled yous potty-mouthed.
Lady~
February 29th, 2012
10:47 am
lol czBrat it was really a good post lol but I guess so……
disco
February 29th, 2012
10:48 am
well on the “fat” significant other issue I give men credit. at least they are willing to voice their displeasure. it may not be nice, considerate, sensitive or whatever but they put it out there. women tend to hint around it with all of those suggestive techniques. you’d think by now most women would know that most men don’t do well with hints. if you think your man is fat you better tell him straight out, put it on his screensaver, write it in highlighter and tape it to his steering wheel or something. all that honey let’s take a walk after we finish eating our whole grain pasta stuff will likely go right over his head.
Lady~
February 29th, 2012
10:49 am
I suck at balancing budgets!!!! can’t count a lick.com ;( whew lawd I think I finally see the light though! WOW!
Lady~
February 29th, 2012
10:49 am
Audra
February 29th, 2012
10:51 am
Agreed with you on that one, disco! Men take hints not-so-well! I think it might work with a woman, though. I think I’d pick up on it. But I’m conscientious about my appearance anyway, even with a man, so maybe I’m different…
Audra
February 29th, 2012
10:52 am
I do think that if the hint is not working, it’s time to have a “come to Jesus” talk!
Exiled!
February 29th, 2012
10:56 am
Disco…10:48!
Yes to that but I would add,cook more at home.
It’s healthier.
This cheap fast food eating is not good for u and not healthy.
It is certainly healthy for the fat pockets of cooperates big wigsthat churn out that gabbage.
Talking of dumping down on fat glutons!
And uall gobble that in Ignorant Delight!
Fion
February 29th, 2012
10:57 am
“How do you bring up the topic of extra pounds? What can you do if you don’t feel sexually attracted to them because of the weight gain?”
Aye man, I would work out with her, encourage her and show her I’m all with her to lose weight and Protect the Franchise.
Leggs
February 29th, 2012
10:57 am
Are we still on topic?
Fion
February 29th, 2012
10:59 am
If you are 38 or older and never ever incorporated fitness and healthy eating into your life, but you are starting at a late date in life it’s gonna be an uphill fight. Not saying it can’t be done, but man you’ve got to reverse a lot learned bad habits.
Leggs
February 29th, 2012
11:00 am
Caught up on 2nd page, had to leave 1st page alone.
kimmie - the original :)
February 29th, 2012
11:01 am
Morning All!
I remember you, Third Wheel. I also remember you talking about your overweight boyfriend. I seem to recall his weight was not the only issue. I am glad you got rid of him. Whatever the reason for your own weight gain, I am glad you are back on the right track and working on losing it. I’m sure since he was overweight, he felt nice and comfortable with you gaining as well. Misery LOVES company!
I am lucky that I have a husband who doesn’t need hints. He takes pride in his appearance, so when he gains a few and his pants start to feel uncomfortable, he works on it. He did not have the best diet when I met him, but I am slowly bringing him and the kids over to my healthier but tasty way of eating. I can be lazy about working out, but I am a little more hyped about it now. I am doing martial arts again and walking and doing the elliptical. I recently bought one of those weighted hula hoops. Great workout!
I don’t fool myself. Even though first and foremost my health is my concern(diabetes is rampant in my family on both sides) I also like to look cute in my clothes. I want to maintain not only how I looked when we met 4 years ago, but get even better.
Staying in shape just makes me feel really good. When I get chunky, I get depressed.
Robert
February 29th, 2012
11:01 am
“What advice can you give for someone facing this relationship dilemma?”
Most men after they reach the age of 40 have medical problems (diabetes, high blood presure, etc.) that if not treated properly will affect their weight as well as their sex life. Going to the doctor on a regular basis can prevent obeseity problems caused by a medical condition. Knowledge, good eating habits and daily exercise is the key to understanding men who have problems controlling their weight.
Audra
February 29th, 2012
11:03 am
For what it’s worth, and I agree with you 100% Exiled on the fast food, a lot of people eat bad stuff and don’t even realize that it’s not good! Like people who always drink sweet tea, use butter on their bread, have bread with every meal, slather the salad in cheese and dresssing. It blows my mind that people don’t get this stuff. My point it, with a little learning about nutrition you can make better choices without feeling the pain too much.
Leggs
February 29th, 2012
11:05 am
More people should look at the show “The Biggest Loser” as their motivation to not get that heavy and have to work that hard at getting in shape.
Audra
February 29th, 2012
11:05 am
“my point is” I meant.
Oh, and portion size, people!! We eat like hogs at a trough in this country! People from other countries are amazed at the sizes of our servings. There is no need for a Biggie-sized anything…
Audra
February 29th, 2012
11:06 am
Everything in moderation.
Fion
February 29th, 2012
11:06 am
@ Exiled / Audra
….but I had a diet Coke.
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
11:06 am
It seems from tone of most of the posts that it’s a given the woman is the fat one. I see PLENTY of fat men. Plenty. Time and aging affects both genders. When it comes though to availability and duties the scale is tipped. Women carry the weight of the baby, the weight of the housework and child rearing. Unless a man is willing to share the time and load or hire a maid to free a woman’s time, affording her the luxury of hitting the gym everyday then IMO, he’s not afforded a right to complain.
Don’t tell me you’re happy to work out with me when I have to crunch the time in between duties.
Let’s be fair here.
ThirdWheel
February 29th, 2012
11:11 am
Hey Girl!! LOL Yes, I finally dumped him… now granted we are still living in the same house do to a lease but, I am breaking the lease next week and moving on. He had a lot of bad habits that I didn’t know about it. He is now over 500lbs and just doesn’t care. He is down to two outfits… his work outfit and his t-shirt and sweatpants. I knew it was time for me to cut my losses then…. Hope you are doing well
Leggs
February 29th, 2012
11:11 am
There are more pot-bellied men walking around than pot bellied women.
Leggs
February 29th, 2012
11:12 am
Over 500lbs….Daaayyyuuuuummmmm!!!!
disco
February 29th, 2012
11:13 am
DOUBLE Daaayyyuuuuummmmm!!!!
Lady~
February 29th, 2012
11:15 am
wow.
Honey Child
February 29th, 2012
11:15 am
Celisea @ 11:06- You said it all, saved me a post
Fion
February 29th, 2012
11:16 am
@Celisea
“Don’t tell me you’re happy to work out with me when I have to crunch the time in between duties.”
I know you dont think they is just sitting there while she feeds him grapes do you???
kimmie - the original :)
February 29th, 2012
11:17 am
I agree Celisea about the men. They are allowed to get away with their complaints by society though because the excuse is that “men are visual”. Well, guess what? Women are too!! But no, we are supposed to accept any slob that decides to give us the time of day and be grateful for it!
Yes, I have dated someone and been totally turned off when they got sloppy, and not just with weight. I am into the total package. Poor hygiene, bad grooming, poor taste in clothing, all of that will turn me off. In fact, I’ve been accepting of a few and more than a few extra pounds when everything else was on point. I take pride in my appearance and do what I need to do to keep myself up, so I expect nothing less in return. You can call it vain and shallow all day, but I’m being 100.
It’s completely unacceptable to just let yourself go and expect me to accept it. That’s completely taking me for granted.
Celisea
February 29th, 2012
11:17 am
Honey Child –
It’s a lot easier said than done.
Honey Child
February 29th, 2012
11:18 am
OK Leggs, disco, and Lady~
But, ummmm yeah I agree. Damn.
Exiled!
February 29th, 2012
11:18 am
Celisea?
Why spend money on the gym when u can walk around the neighborhood subdivision or drive up the park and walk or run the trail?
Gym time etc is going to bring up another excuse for a lazy and unmotivated person.
People can do activities right there where they live and safely too.
Gyms are just hyped up for nothing,really!
But if u want to observe eye candy(make or female) yea that’s the place to go.
We walk around our subdivision Saturday or/and Sunday mornings 3/4 times, going round the block briskly and it feels good!
kimmie - the original :)
February 29th, 2012
11:18 am
Thanks Third, I’m doing great! Wishing you the best and a great new beginning!
al
February 29th, 2012
11:19 am
Celisea – Regarding “When it comes though to availability and duties the scale is tipped. Women carry the weight of the baby, the weight of the housework and child rearing”, that is an unfair of a generalization as someone saying it’s always the woman who gains the weight. In our household, we both work in IT and work full time jobs. We cook in 6 days a week and I usually cook 4-5 of those meals. I also do 90% of the homework help with my daughter, coach her sports teams, do the household finances, etc. My wife generally takes care of the laundry and cleaning. So I believe there is a fair distribution of responsibilities.
I believe a big reason why I have enough energy to take care of all that stuff is being fit. It is hard to take care of other people and things if you are not taking care of yourself.
You are correct that you see plenty of fat men. 2/3 of the people in this country are overweight so if you are comparing yourself to the general public, the bar is very low.
Exiled!
February 29th, 2012
11:20 am
500?
Ambulance 911 case!