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Do I have to take your name?

It is highly likely that an engaged couple will be faced with the name change issue. There was a time when this didn’t really come up because it was understood that a woman would automatically take her husband’s last name.

I know a lot of guys who are literally offended by the very idea of a woman not using his name (no hyphenating) and the common response is: If she is wearing “my ring” she will have no choice but to take my name. Apparently, the ring and the name are a package deal?

Everyone is different and you have to do what works best for you, but I wonder if men still assume that the women they plan to marry has to take their name. Is it still expected?

Ladies have you ever brought up the discussion with the guys that you date? Do you think that the type of men you date would lean toward one way or the other?

Guys, what would you do if your fiancee informed you that she wanted to use her own name after you marry? Would it matter to you if her reasons were business or personal?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

269 comments Add your comment

Celisea

February 28th, 2012
4:15 pm

Exactly Kimmie, exactly.

Leggs

February 28th, 2012
4:17 pm

@kimmie ~ you don’t want to shout the words “I am Woman Hear me Roar,” but rather Purr, honey, I is home…

Purple

February 28th, 2012
4:20 pm

Nothing is better than a balanced woman.

Purple

February 28th, 2012
4:21 pm

Ha! I used balanced and woman in the same sentence. I’m sure I just broke some sort of law for that

Celisea

February 28th, 2012
4:22 pm

All things being relative

kimmie - the original :)

February 28th, 2012
4:23 pm

Exiled – It would be more considerate to your coworkers to eat them now, when everyone is on their way home. But if you save them for tomorrow morning(more convenient for you) your coworkers will have to suffer longer!LOL!!

Leggs

February 28th, 2012
4:25 pm

Zumba, zumba – I’m out!

Peace out!

czBrat

February 28th, 2012
4:26 pm

If I gotta be the man when I get home, then really, what good is he?
exactly!! we ain’t fighting for the wheel here. why be so sure somebody’s trynna wear your pants just cuz the little woman has an opinion? perhaps if you didn’t mind taking the time to listen to that opinion, understand it, take it into consideration and even talk about why your way is better you just might get the follower you seek without having to walk away from every relationship that poses a slight challenge to your perceived manhood.

just a thought. don’t mind me. just thinking out loud. i know this doesn’t apply to any of our blog gents. just as the question of women bucking headship doesn’t apply to any blog ladies. it’s all rhetorical. :lol: :lol:

Purple

February 28th, 2012
4:35 pm

Atleast we are talking about heterosexual relationships. Lol otherwise I bet it would be hard defining roles and etc. In same sex marriages how does the last name go?

i'm swiss

February 28th, 2012
4:41 pm

Sort of on topic… I got an email earlier from a recruiter whose last name is “Gooch.” I think all the blog dudes would understand if you ladies refused to take his name. :lol:

Purple

February 28th, 2012
4:43 pm

czBrat

February 28th, 2012
4:43 pm

swiss, if his first name’s larry we went to school together. :lol:

get home safely all.

ciao!

i'm swiss

February 28th, 2012
4:47 pm

And if his first name is “Hairy” his parents hated his azz… :lol:

i'm swiss

February 28th, 2012
4:49 pm

Oh wait, that should be “Harry” — but the point is the same. :lol:

Exiled!

February 28th, 2012
4:55 pm

The ladies really stayed on topic the whole day today.

If this was at night,this would qualify as All Nite Long!

Good nite!

Audra

February 28th, 2012
5:19 pm

Wow just came back after having to log off for a while. My opinion is that this desperate clinging to “tradition” is a sign of insecurity, period. Man up, take a woman and yourself as an individual human being, not part of some mighty lineage or some nonsense. LOL. I think M. said it best (I’m paraphrasing) – if a woman doesn’t agree with your view on this, find someone else who does! Just don’t get on other people’s case for not living according to your beliefs. Then we’ll all be happy…

Audra

February 28th, 2012
5:21 pm

One last thing: I knew a girl one time who married a guy who’s last name was Blubahls. Yes, pronounced the way you think it is. :) She didn’t take his name…I guess most people would give her a pass on that one!

Good nite, all!

nelson howard

February 28th, 2012
8:03 pm

That is a great question. I really like it. I know quite a few women that marry the guy because they like his name better than their maiden name. Then they divorce but keep the name. There should be an easier way, but you know how they like to do things the hard way.

CPII

February 29th, 2012
8:33 am

I’m the only male that carries my family name. So, it would be important for me to have her take my name. My mom even kept the name after my parents divorced. I do think there are circumstances that warrant a serious discussion, for instance she is the only one that carries her family name with no cousins or sibling that can keep it going. I don’t think you need always answer to my name immediately, but I do expect us to update all legal documentation shortly after the honeymoon. Even in profession or personal settings where your name is published or recognized, you can still manage to use that name. On documentation, I would still like it changed officially and utilized in the long run. So, I’m willing to have conversation, but as proud as I am of my name, I might be hard to convince.