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Do I have to take your name?

It is highly likely that an engaged couple will be faced with the name change issue. There was a time when this didn’t really come up because it was understood that a woman would automatically take her husband’s last name.

I know a lot of guys who are literally offended by the very idea of a woman not using his name (no hyphenating) and the common response is: If she is wearing “my ring” she will have no choice but to take my name. Apparently, the ring and the name are a package deal?

Everyone is different and you have to do what works best for you, but I wonder if men still assume that the women they plan to marry has to take their name. Is it still expected?

Ladies have you ever brought up the discussion with the guys that you date? Do you think that the type of men you date would lean toward one way or the other?

Guys, what would you do if your fiancee informed you that she wanted to use her own name after you marry? Would it matter to you if her reasons were business or personal?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

269 comments Add your comment

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

February 28th, 2012
3:04 pm

Good strong balls,that 2:50!…..lol

Exiled!

February 28th, 2012
3:06 pm

What’s that girl’s name that said I was insulting her..Audra?

If she don’t get wet,reading 2:50,then her man is gay.

:lol:

Right ladies?
:lol:

I think we done with topic

disco

February 28th, 2012
3:06 pm

“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet” – Shakespeare.

Wikipedia Translation – “the names of things do not matter, only what things are”.

Fion

February 28th, 2012
3:08 pm

@Exiled
lol!!! Only you could work ‘balls’ into someting as a compliment. :)

i'm swiss

February 28th, 2012
3:17 pm

Fion — D@mn, bro. I don’t know if you should feel flattered or violated. :lol:

czBrat

February 28th, 2012
3:17 pm

ultimately, i do believe s/o is much more concerned (and honored) that i be the best wife i can possibly be to him. it does not dishonor either of us to have different last names. there is no lack of respect for who we are and what roles we take in this relationship.

part of headship is taking into consideration the needs and feelings of those you lead. while one dude might place ultimatums on his mate to gain the submission he seeks, another might choose not to strongarm his way around a big decision. oddly enough, the latter dude will still get the submission he seeks …. but from a willing, supportive partner.

i can only imagine how monumental it must be to cover your wife’s head with something as precious and timeless as your forefathers name. my forefathers name means no less to me, but i’m not choosing to hold onto it because it honors them. i choose to do so simply because i like it.

Purple

February 28th, 2012
3:27 pm

Strong Balls!

Leggs

February 28th, 2012
3:31 pm

@ForReal ~ I think you’re misreading me. My answers are to Mike P’s statement. Perhaps that’s what HE thinks….

kimmie - the original :)

February 28th, 2012
3:34 pm

At the end of the day, everyone is doing what works for them. We wouldn’t have it any other way.

For Real

February 28th, 2012
3:34 pm

Good point Disco but wasn’t their family fueding and they both disowned their family name for the sake of their relationshhip. So, again, What is the purpose of getting married?

Why does it seem that the blog women hear or picture a man beating down a woman when they hear submit?

Leggs

February 28th, 2012
3:35 pm

@Ex ~ when I say “I’ve never seen anyone go through PMS and completely change and become evil, I mean, I’ve never……

And, my reference to coffee, I stand by it being a matter of will. If you can’t function w/o a cup of freaking coffee and become a butthole because you don’t have one, that’s a decision you made.

Celisea

February 28th, 2012
3:36 pm

Why does it seem that the blog women hear or picture a man beating down a woman when they hear submit?

Maybe I missed something but I don’t think I read this?????

Celisea

February 28th, 2012
3:37 pm

Oh, wait….why does it “seem”….never mind

Celisea

February 28th, 2012
3:37 pm

For that one there should be a slew of “why does it seem” questions but there ain’t enough hours in a day

Fion

February 28th, 2012
3:38 pm

@Leggs
Are you going to go get some tomorrow????

disco

February 28th, 2012
3:40 pm

for real – yes romeo/juliet is extreme (the disowning family part) but in a sense that’s kind of what’s it’s all about. that whole “cleave” thing. they just took cleaving to another level.

Leggs

February 28th, 2012
3:40 pm

Ummmm, tomorrow is Wednesday….pray tell what is “get some?” I’m almost scared to ask…

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

February 28th, 2012
3:43 pm

I know right Celisea? In a marriage BOTH husband AND wife submit to EACHOTHER….

Submit really isn’t a dirty word as some would like to think…guys do it all the time whether they want to admit it or not. It could be over the most trivial of things to something monumental…
Does it have a negative connotation b/c of some of the skewed views of certain degrading, misguided, sexist, unga bunga “me man u woman” type thinking/actions…maybe

IJS

Fion

February 28th, 2012
3:43 pm

You need to go and have sex. You need to relax man. Way too much tension. You’ve been on the Blog for 3mths now with CFMP comments and so on. Go take of that. It will do you good.

kimmie - the original :)

February 28th, 2012
3:43 pm

Leggs – I’m so with you on the PMS thing. It’s not an excuse for anything. I hate when either party even brings it up. I’ve never known any woman that could use that as an excuse to be a complete B that wasn’t one already the rest of the month.

4 Real – The whole “submit” thing is one of the most misused terms about marriage in the biblical sense. I hate to even go there because most just don’t get it.

For Real

February 28th, 2012
3:44 pm

Celisea: The blog ladies always offer up images of a man being overbearing and giving ultimatums to women when the word “submit” is mentioned.

For Real

February 28th, 2012
3:46 pm

Sassy I agree 100%

Celisea

February 28th, 2012
3:47 pm

Sassy – Yes ma’am…not sure I’m getting all the testosterone hoopla surrounding the issue.

For Real – Not everybody. Submit is easy breezy when a real man is standing in front of you. Nothing force or pushed or heaped on a woman. It’s all natural. I agree with Sassy, it’s both people submitting to one another.

Leggs

February 28th, 2012
3:48 pm

@Fion ~ boy you read me wrong. With CFMP, I’m usually joking around. You put the heaviness in my responses. It’s all good here. I’m not tensed at all. You don’t know how to read my humor, my corniness or anything about me. But, since you are always on my case and never can see the lightness in anything I post, go su*ck your own!

Leggs

February 28th, 2012
3:49 pm

And you’ve been on this blog whining for the past 3-4 months. Perhaps you need to double tag team someone.

Fion

February 28th, 2012
3:51 pm

Must’ve hit a nerve. Ok, it’s not true. Wink, wink.

Exiled!

February 28th, 2012
3:51 pm

Not evil Leggs but antsy,aggressive maybe,irritable,different mood maybe,not as friendly etc and to the one they truly love,yes,a different person.

Queen used to be like that but it got better with time…

I also became aware because we were living together ofcourse.

Not to mention that(as if u dont know this already!) When a woman is getting touched frequently,it feels like she just came outa the massage room.

Relaxed!

Leggs

February 28th, 2012
3:52 pm

No nerve hit, just have to comment if someone is trying to slam me. I don’t cower when someone is throwing accusations my way. Pretty sure you’re the same way.

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

February 28th, 2012
3:53 pm

:shock: :lol:

Damn Leggs…

All that needed was Lis Weezy playin in the background..”I’m goin in..I’m goin in and Imma go hard”..

Leggs

February 28th, 2012
3:53 pm

“Queen used to be like that but it got better with time…” – or did you recognize the oncoming symptons and got ghost (lol)?

czBrat

February 28th, 2012
3:54 pm

careful throwing around those “always”s. speaking for myself, i heartily accept a submissive role once i’ve put my faith in God that the relationship is right for all involved. but when a dudes emphatically states he would not accept a woman not taking his name, that’s an ultimatum … hidden in the guise of a woman not understanding the importance of being submissive.

For Real

February 28th, 2012
3:54 pm

Celisea: I agree I don’t think submit is a hard concept at all when a man and a woman has a true understanding of each other. Oh and I can’t stand the term “real” it so subjective whether it’s applied to a man or woman.

Kimmie: I agree with you as well.

kimmie - the original :)

February 28th, 2012
3:54 pm

Celisea – Regarding your 3:47 on submission – so VERY TRUE!

In fact, I would venture to say if you have to ask or demand it out of your wife, then, well, you may not be doing something right, ohh … I don’t know…. but you got problems, I’d say!LOL!!!

Leggs

February 28th, 2012
3:54 pm

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

February 28th, 2012
3:55 pm

not sure I’m getting all the testosterone hoopla surrounding the issue.

Me either…think they’re just tryna start something but we’ve evolved past that…

Celisea

February 28th, 2012
3:57 pm

Kimmie – Yep

For Real – I agree about using the term “real.” But honestly, as with women, there are soooo many misguided believing they are when really they are not. So I say when a woman continues to buck with a man, he might need to chech himself, because the “presence” of a real (sorry) one will bring her under every time. And it’s not by force or anything of that nature. It’s the real thing that happens automatically between a man and woman. Ying to his yang, so forth and so on.

Celisea

February 28th, 2012
3:58 pm

Exactly Sassy. I think most women want to have that role ahead of her..

Fion

February 28th, 2012
3:59 pm

No slam. That was a consultative tone. Like when you ask the woman in the stall next to you to pass you a roll of tissue.

Leggs

February 28th, 2012
4:01 pm

It’s like a parent’s look to their child…they know when to stop all that nonsense. Same thing with a woman in the presence of a man, a true man who handles himself liike a man and not a punk who continuosuly let a woman “buck” to him.

For Real

February 28th, 2012
4:01 pm

“but when a dudes emphatically states he would not accept a woman not taking his name, that’s an ultimatum” – Wow!!! Really? It’s not a common practice around the world? What is it then when a woman says as condition of marriage she will not take his name? Isn’t that an ultimatum?

Exiled!

February 28th, 2012
4:02 pm

Czbrat/Kimmie and Celisea!

Regarding this submission thing I think,well I know that a woman will be mounted(to use Celisea’s term) by the man she wants to be mounted by!

:lol:

So this submission beef is squashed!

Celisea

February 28th, 2012
4:03 pm

Leggs – You took the words right off my post. I was about to say, and I hope it’s not taken the wrong way but a dude can look at you and let you know, without too many words that you’re getting dangerously close to crossing the line of “disrespect” or however you want to peg it. He ain’t gotta say much. And it’s not a “whoa, I’m so scared” type thing going on. Nothing in the realm of getting physical…

Celisea

February 28th, 2012
4:05 pm

And yes, both can have a conversation, talk it out, get it resolved, she or he be right sometimes…without getting out of hand. Again, if she’s bucking you might wanna check your manhood :)

kimmie - the original :)

February 28th, 2012
4:06 pm

Exiled – Whatever! :lol:

kimmie - the original :)

February 28th, 2012
4:12 pm

Celisea/Leggs – I’m Miss “I’m Every Woman” at work, but when I come home, I’m tired. If I gotta be the man when I get home, then really, what good is he? Better yet, like 4 Real asked, why get married?LOL!

czBrat

February 28th, 2012
4:12 pm

What is it then when a woman says as condition of marriage she will not take his name? Isn’t that an ultimatum?
sure sounds like one to me. but what does that have to do with this —-> The blog ladies always offer up images of a man being overbearing and giving ultimatums to women when the word “submit” is mentioned.? is your point simply that both sexes are capable of being overbearing?

Purple

February 28th, 2012
4:13 pm

And the clock keeps ticking

czBrat

February 28th, 2012
4:13 pm

lmao @ me-lo. really hate you sometimes. :lol:

Leggs

February 28th, 2012
4:14 pm

Exactly what I was saying, Celisea!

Exiled!

February 28th, 2012
4:14 pm

I brought some 2 boiled eggs from home planning to have them for breakfast this morning but forgot bout them.

Wld that be greedy if I just foul the air now and eat them even tho it’s waaaay way past 9:00 am?

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