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Do I have to take your name?

It is highly likely that an engaged couple will be faced with the name change issue. There was a time when this didn’t really come up because it was understood that a woman would automatically take her husband’s last name.

I know a lot of guys who are literally offended by the very idea of a woman not using his name (no hyphenating) and the common response is: If she is wearing “my ring” she will have no choice but to take my name. Apparently, the ring and the name are a package deal?

Everyone is different and you have to do what works best for you, but I wonder if men still assume that the women they plan to marry has to take their name. Is it still expected?

Ladies have you ever brought up the discussion with the guys that you date? Do you think that the type of men you date would lean toward one way or the other?

Guys, what would you do if your fiancee informed you that she wanted to use her own name after you marry? Would it matter to you if her reasons were business or personal?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

269 comments Add your comment

Exiled!

February 28th, 2012
1:36 pm

Now that heifer that kept his name but put the other 2 kids on his name has no class!

Lady~

February 28th, 2012
1:38 pm

yep bc she did have a difficult pregnancy with their son and she can’t have any more….time and just wanting to be married period….

Lady~

February 28th, 2012
1:40 pm

that was tacky Ex……….

I am so happy I tied my tubes! and if a child comes without marriage my maiden name it will be……..promise!

Lady~

February 28th, 2012
1:41 pm

who knows the odds of babies coming after tying your tubes but I pray I am never the exception…..lol rant!

Exiled!

February 28th, 2012
1:45 pm

Lady?

‘Who knows the odds of babies coming after tying your tubes and (getting married)

Ummm…just use a condom!

ughhh,I know….don’t wanna wrap ur candy

Lady,I hear u saying,’ur right Ex!’. LOL

Leggs

February 28th, 2012
1:46 pm

Meant if I was in the market for “marriage,” Ex.

Lady~

February 28th, 2012
1:46 pm

Absolutely sir! Lol bc STDs and STIs are REAL.COM and older adults are catching them more and more!

Willie Dynamite

February 28th, 2012
1:48 pm

Afternoon All,

Lively discussion today, On Topic – Wifey has my last name. I don’t think i was ever adamant about it but I am kinda old school traditional and fealt very strongly in favor. Sure i pick and choose but for the most part I’m consistent. I did butt heads with the MIL about the name change. I was reminded that I was sort of Matter Fact about it and it never came up again.
On the flip side I don’t have a say so in other folks lives. i don’t think it denotes trust, responsibility or any other word you want to put in there. I am all for whatever works for you and yours. I know what works for me and mine, 1 name.

For Real

February 28th, 2012
2:08 pm

Interesting topic but it goes back to one of my questions:

What’s purpose of getting married?

You can take the same vows.

You can sign a power of attorney to handle legal issues.

Leggs

February 28th, 2012
2:17 pm

What’s purpose of getting married? – someone answered, I will try to find for you.

Lady~

February 28th, 2012
2:18 pm

Leggs

February 28th, 2012
2:18 pm

Mike P

February 28th, 2012
10:53 am
@Audra: for men, marriage has very little to do with Love, or being in a loving relationship. Marriage is about staking a permanent claim over a women (telling the world to back-off, she mine now!!), taking possession, building, protecting, and providing for the family unit as head of household. When you don’t take our name is very disrespectful to us. Why get married at all if you can’t submit to him on a simple level like taking the man’s name as an honor?

Celisea

February 28th, 2012
2:19 pm

Oooh, I missed that

Lady~

February 28th, 2012
2:24 pm

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

February 28th, 2012
2:28 pm

What up folks…as for the topic, there is no way the Mrs. could have told me, “I love you, but I don’t want your name”…This will not sit well with some of you, but it is an honor for a man to ask for your hand in marriage, if you accept ladies, that means you are accepting all of him…To marry a woman means you are accepting responsiblity for her well being, and putting her first and foremost for eternity, or at least that the plan…(if he gonna give up new puddy for your sake, its the least you could)

Celisea

February 28th, 2012
2:28 pm

I’ve purposely stayed out of this one but I’ll quickly say…with no disrespect to anyone’s beliefs as everyone should do what works and is best for them, I don’t get not taking the man’s name in an effort to keep with your identity. IMO you are who you are…….by strides, accomplishments, efforts, offsprings, etc. IMO, taking a man’s name is entering a new chapter and turning the page in life. How can you move forward and hang back at the same time? Or I ask more softly, how can you transition into the realm of “oneness with another” while maintaining yourself independant of him? Isn’t that what merging and coming together as one should reflect? I don’t think a man can stake claim to “owning” you by you taking his name and standing side by side. One that’s smothering, overbearing, refusing to give space within the married world is what I picture as that’s staking claim and ownershipe….literally.

I dunno, I’ll stop there. Just my thoughts and opinions.

Lady – :)

i'm swiss

February 28th, 2012
2:33 pm

Off topic: Oh boy! It’s that time of the month when I’m the worst person in the world, and everything wrong on this earth is my fault. Hooray! :lol:

Purple

February 28th, 2012
2:34 pm

When society is at the point of men listening to women for the definition of manhood or what a “real man” is, the future is doomed

Celisea

February 28th, 2012
2:34 pm

That time of the month for you…by way of her…lol

Fion

February 28th, 2012
2:35 pm

@Swiss
Not to get too personal, but you got a Period?? Just asking???

For Real

February 28th, 2012
2:36 pm

Leggs you can do all of that without getting married. So Mike P.

For the record if I got married a woman would have to take my last name with no hypo. Also, it seems a pretty simple issue to me, marry a chick that will take your name or marry a dude that will let you keep your name. May the two never cross!

So, again, What’s the purpose of getting married?

i'm swiss

February 28th, 2012
2:36 pm

Fion — No, but I have a wife. And hers should be arriving in, oh, about 2 days, I’d guess. :lol:

Fion

February 28th, 2012
2:39 pm

@Swiss
Whewww!!!! I was gonna say the Circus is here and we could make a quick 100k.

disco

February 28th, 2012
2:39 pm

whew… we’re still on names huh? who’d have thunk it?

Willie Dynamite

February 28th, 2012
2:41 pm

If the name change is a serious issue I would also say they are quite a few other issues based on views that will cause some problems.

i'm swiss

February 28th, 2012
2:41 pm

By the way, can we make a new rule, here? Any woman who is boo’ed-up cannot complain about her period. Ever. Because no matter how bad it is for you, I promise it’s worse for us. :lol:

Leggs

February 28th, 2012
2:41 pm

@ForReal ~ I realize all of that, just wanted to share with you and answer that was given. Perhaps having the legal certificate solidifies the notion that this is what you HAVE to do, but shacking with one another, doesn’t quite have the same impact of “having to do it.” Perhaps MikeP can answer….

“Off topic: Oh boy! It’s that time of the month when I’m the worst person in the world, and everything wrong on this earth is my fault. Hooray! ” – that’s another thing I never understood. How one’s PMS completely changes a person. I’ve never witnessed it, and I never became a facisimile of my true self. Much like people saying “don’t talk to me until I’ve had my morning cup of coffee!” It’s amazing how one psychology believes “that morning cup of coffeee” makes them a better person. It’s all in your mind. If you want to be nice w/o that coffee you can be….

Lady~

February 28th, 2012
2:42 pm

I honestly can’t wait (whenever God says so) to take on my husband’s name!!!! Iam glad I failed first bc for me it gives greater appreciation to take it on and to know and be secure as to why (this is for me)……..I love my growth and don’t apologize for it…yes you have to do what works for you and know why you are doing…

For Real

February 28th, 2012
2:42 pm

Swiss: This is the time of month that you use the ultimate male weapon. The ability to absolutely and completely block out the sound of a female voice.

Purp well said!

Purple

February 28th, 2012
2:43 pm

Leggs I have a sister in law who has to take medication during her period time. If she does not she is pure evil.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

February 28th, 2012
2:43 pm

Enter your comments here

i'm swiss

February 28th, 2012
2:45 pm

Purple — Do you know the name of the medication? Please. :lol:

Leggs

February 28th, 2012
2:46 pm

WOW, Purp. I know people get cramps, but to actually be medicated so they don’t turn into The Hulk is news.

Leggs

February 28th, 2012
2:47 pm

:lol: :lol: @ swiss. I sense you’re on your knees pleading…

For Real

February 28th, 2012
2:48 pm

Leggs: the legal certificate does not mean you HAVE to do anything. If it did then there wouldn’t be any divorces. Would it?

Purple

February 28th, 2012
2:48 pm

For Real, some , not all, women’s definition of a real man is a man who will put up with their ish and not say anything about that ish

Purple

February 28th, 2012
2:50 pm

Swiss I dont know the name of it but make her some weed brownies

Leggs, it’s not an isolated case lol

Willie Dynamite

February 28th, 2012
2:50 pm

Purp/4 Real – It is plenty of dudes out here like that. Same for Women, It is is few Real ladies out there but plenty of Chicken Heads and hoes around.

Fion

February 28th, 2012
2:50 pm

If a man has an understanding of himself and his lineage. That he is the representation of the Men in his family that have come before him Grandfather, Farther ect.
His name will matter a great deal to him. A man should offer you his Love, his honor, his protection and his affection.
The embodiment of those things are encapsulated in his name. Therefore when rebuff his name you reject all that is him.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

February 28th, 2012
2:51 pm

I’m late as heck today and have not read all the previous comments, but since its still being debated, obviously there were differing opinions…

“There is no good reason for a woman to not take the name of her husband, and there is no good husband who would allow such foolishness”…Captain Caveman

if there are professional concerns, hyphenatation is acceptable, but still suspect

Lady~

February 28th, 2012
2:52 pm

damn WD! O_o lol

i likes fion!

Lady~

February 28th, 2012
2:52 pm

hyphenatation is acceptable, but still suspect <<<<<<Too funny Jake!

disco

February 28th, 2012
2:55 pm

i feel like 500 word essays on “what my last name means to me” are in order.

Lady~

February 28th, 2012
2:56 pm

alrighty good people! after being hazed last night and today, I’ve completed a major project!!!!! ;)

peace out~

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

February 28th, 2012
2:56 pm

Fion…where can I cosign that 2:50, I think that really says it all.

Purple

February 28th, 2012
2:58 pm

Fion, good post.

There is no amount of celebrity that should matter. If she is famous enough people should still know her by first name. And if she were to get married everyone would know anyway. Do you think Beyonces career would have taken Carter as her last name ?

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

February 28th, 2012
2:59 pm

Jake a.k.a Captain Caveman

Exiled!

February 28th, 2012
2:59 pm

Leggs?
(meelo standing for females with rough PMS)

I’ve never ….much like people say ‘don’t …..’ aggh

It’s physiological..one has no control over it..

But if I say ’some females have small tatas’, u understand? :lol:

It’s the same thing! :lol:

disco

February 28th, 2012
3:01 pm

true story – I have an aunt who got married to a guy named “Smith”. she divorced him and kept her married name. she ultimately remarried another guy named “Smith”. she divorced him too, still keeping the name “Smith”. I ask you guys – did she take her second husbands name or not? okay. I’m sorry. guess my afternoon “itis” is kicking in.

Exiled!

February 28th, 2012
3:02 pm

Fion!

Good strong balls,that 2:50!

U a Lion

Roaaaaaaar!