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Ex Files: Rebounding necessary?

According to entertainment reports, singer Rihanna has become a moth to Chris Brown’s flame. Apparently, the two collaborated on two songs and he was even spotted at her birthday bash.

Reading about their reunion made me think about those exes that we can’t get out of our system. It is tough when we should be moving on but are too hung up on someone. Maybe the only way to nudge you along is to find a new person right away.

People often take time after break ups to heal or to regroup, but maybe some of us could actually benefit from a love-life palate cleanser. Someone to distract us from dwelling on the recent break up and prevent us from sliding back to a bad habit or toxic relationship.

I think I have had some of my best dates with guys who were the rebounders – because I welcomed the attention and just appreciated the company. There was no pressure to move things along to the next level, so the only goal was to laugh and have fun.

When you are dating someone new, do you ever ask when their latest relationship ended?

Do you want to know if you are the first post-break up/divorce date? Would it change how you perceived their potential?

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

417 comments Add your comment

Bill Clinton

February 24th, 2012
7:23 am

Well, I’m a hugh proponent of rebounding..You see, my break-up with Jennifer was sad…I loved her so much…….Boing…..I rebounded straight into Paula…That break-up was traumatic…I loved her so…Boing… Then I rebounded straight into Monica….That break-up was disastrous….I loved her so much………..Boing….Then I rebounded again into……Can’t tell that story….The Mrs. reads this board…But I tell you sports fans, rebounding is necessary….So I say,. keep on rebounding…..

Lady~

February 24th, 2012
7:57 am

Good Morning and Fantastic Friday MIA! ;)

Interesting Topic………….

Lily

February 24th, 2012
8:07 am

If you can be UPFRONT and HONEST about your intentions, not misleading and maybe just a change of scenery. Otherwise I’m not fond of being mislead.

SlimUno

February 24th, 2012
8:10 am

Good early morning,

I’m not looking forward to the rain today…

Yes I ask dudes I date when their last relationship was, how long it lasted, what happened to lead to the end of that courtship etc. It’s natural to be cautious if you find the other person has RECENTLY broken up from their previous r’ship. We all know how that back and forth thing can be as well as the ‘rebound’ deal goes. Rebounding serves as a distraction of the recent events as well as offers a quick ego stroke…basically a short pacifier to the hurt/confusion or whatever that lead to the break up. So if i haven’t been dating and I meet a guy that I am excited about getting to know, it would dim the light of curiosity to know i’m the first chick he’s dating since his relationship ended. The timing is just not lined up right because while he’s looking for bandaid, good time, distraction, I’d be looking for something more stable.

Lily

February 24th, 2012
8:30 am

Enter your comments here

KaiserSoze

February 24th, 2012
8:51 am

I thought I was going to have a few flings/rebounds/etc. after my divorce. Wound up meeting, dating, and falling in love with the perfect woman for me.

We just got engaged Wednesday. Sometimes happiness just jumps up and smacks you in the mouth when you least expect it. The moral of the story, don’t go into anything with any expectations, just let happen whatever is destined to happen.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

February 24th, 2012
8:52 am

Uhn uhn, I have no desire to use somebody as I rebound from a failed relationship. If I’m broken hearted I will lick my wounds and heal before I start in another relation with lady. Just not right for a new lady to help me heal I’m not sliding back, I don’t need that. I sure some may need instant comfort and if you do I aint mad at you. When a lady tells me it’s over she’s done with me, I’ll try to get her back but if she says no that’s what that means to me.

Good Morning:

Lady~

February 24th, 2012
8:53 am

Way to go KaiserSoze!!!! Enjoy your journey together as one!!!!! ;)

Lady~

February 24th, 2012
8:53 am

don’t go into anything with any expectations, just let happen whatever is destined to happen. <<<<<<Love that sir!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

February 24th, 2012
8:53 am

KaiserSoze:

Congratulations to you both. That’s what’s up.

Leggs

February 24th, 2012
8:54 am

Good morning.

Leggs

February 24th, 2012
8:58 am

How ironic! I received a text last night at 9:48 saying “I want to talk to u about US getting back together” from a guy I dated many moons ago. We are in contact with quick “hellos” and ” have a great day” type of communication, but we haven’t dated each other in years. First and foremost, a phone call would have sat better with me. But, we are living in the age where everything is text and little seems to be left to actual phone calls. Anyway, it ain’t happening…

When you are dating someone new, do you ever ask when their latest relationship ended? – I sure do.

Do you want to know if you are the first post-break up/divorce date? Would it change how you perceived their potential? – Most definitely. This is why one should ask. Depending on how soon after the demise of the relationship will let you know if you’re possibly the rebound chick/dude.

Leggs

February 24th, 2012
8:59 am

Congratulations, KaiserS!!!

Lady~

February 24th, 2012
8:59 am

Exactly Leggs! great post!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

February 24th, 2012
9:03 am

Leggs give that man the benefit of a doubt. He knows what he had previously was a good thang. That’s what we do when know we had something straight.

SlimUno

February 24th, 2012
9:03 am

I must admit with a name like KaiserSoze I would not expect to read you recently got engaged. Well I’ll be damned, CONGRATULATIONS!

SlimUno

February 24th, 2012
9:07 am

BF – Or is it just wabbit season now? Things that make you go Hmmmm? :???:

KaiserSoze

February 24th, 2012
9:08 am

Thanks all…..I never thought, ever swore I would never, get remarried but when your heart, your gut, and your mind all give you the green light you just know it’s right.

Lady~

February 24th, 2012
9:08 am

Or is it just wabbit season now<<<<<<<too damn funny slim!!!! lol

Lady~

February 24th, 2012
9:08 am

awwwww KS! sweetness!

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

February 24th, 2012
9:09 am

Congrats KS

On topic, this is a situation that is almost unavoidable.

For someone to move on from one relationship to another, there almost has to be that rebound person that feels the sting of their heartbreak.

Thing is, can the rebounder recognize what is happening before the reboundee? When you’re the reboundee and done caught fillins, its a bad experience. If you’re the rebounder, you should be more aware of that.

For us serial monogomists, being the rebounder is a familiar position, so it’s part of that ‘learning from your experiences’ thing.

Morning

Lady~

February 24th, 2012
9:12 am

Thing is, can the rebounder recognize what is happening before the reboundee? <<<<<so true!!!! good post dan….I am sitting here thinking what you typed……lol this post reminds me of my post divorce fling! a true learning experience like no other!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

February 24th, 2012
9:14 am

I’m kidding Leggs, I know you aint about to go backwards. I sense that you’re a forward moving type of lady.

abc

February 24th, 2012
9:21 am

I think it’s better to leave it alone for awhile, air yourself out, and get over it before moving on to another person. I haven’t appreciated being the ‘rebound’ person in the past, and I can’t really say that I’ve ever used someone else in that regard.

Lady~

February 24th, 2012
9:25 am

abc I have been both and both serves a purpose for growth for not being either…….

Into the Light

February 24th, 2012
9:28 am

Good morning, all and happy Friday!

Congrats to KS! :)

Leggs: How come “it ain’t happening?” if it’s not too intrusive of me to ask.

(waving both arms above my head): Hey BF!! It’s been awhile. Good to “see” you.

Celisea

February 24th, 2012
9:28 am

Morning,

I don’t like being used to get over. It happens, I know. Everyone should be considerate of the other person. Yes, you should tell exactly where you are when coming out of a relationship. I’d venture to say you owe it to the other person to let them decide. But hey, we know more than likely that’s not going to happen…if you can’t, then that tells a lot.

Frankly I’d rather pass.

Bluzgirl

February 24th, 2012
9:29 am

In the past, when a relationship ended, I kind of went buck wild! With the end of my previous long term relationship, I chose to stay celebate for a while and with the end of the recent one, I’m doing the same. It’s definitely not a good idea to rebound. Maybe some innocent flirtation with someone, but I myself know that I’m not ready to jump into anything. I have to do some work on myself.

kimmie - the original :)

February 24th, 2012
9:29 am

Morning All!

Hate the rebound mess all the way around. Hated being the rebounder and the reboundee. If you want to hang out & get your mind off things, that’s what friends are for, the platonic buddys and also the FWB’s if you want to go there. But getting in a “relationship” on the rebound is just asking for trouble. It’s kinda like a nice buzz. When you are initially in it, it feels great and dulls your pain. But once it wears off, you hit rock bottom again. Not fun.

Congrats KS, much happiness to you both!

Leggs – Did you watch Greys & PP last night? Girl, Jake had me swooning at the end when he told ole ho Addison she wasn’t ready for what he had to offer! Girl, if I were her, I would get over tired Sam & his issues REAL QUICK and GET READY!!!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

February 24th, 2012
9:33 am

Hello Light, Cely:

Glad to “see” you lady’s too.

Celisea

February 24th, 2012
9:39 am

Good morning Blackfoote, I like what you said this morning about just not opting to go there at all and no desire to use people. Sometimes (well all the time), principles and standards are just so much better than carnal desires :)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

February 24th, 2012
9:39 am

Kimmie:

That’s it, why create more drama unecessarily.

Leggs

February 24th, 2012
9:40 am

@BF ~ no doubt he knows I’m a good catch; however, I wasn’t a good enough catch then for him to want to stay with me. Please don’t come sniffing around me because your pool of potentials aren’t what you thought it to be (lol). I kid, I kid…

“Thing is, can the rebounder recognize what is happening before the reboundee?” – I think (s)he can. They know where their emotions are at that point, and they also know how much they can give to a relationship. A rebounder knows he’s rebounding. He’s not going in for the jump shot blindfolded. Please believe!

@kimmie ~ yes ma’am…front and center. I kept yelling at the tv, yousa ho, yousa ho, you can’t handle a real relationship, TRICK! And, Loretta Devine needs to win an award for her portrayal of one in the throes of Alzeheimer’s. Great acting.

“Leggs: How come “it ain’t happening?” if it’s not too intrusive of me to ask.” – Cuz he’s a male ho!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

February 24th, 2012
9:42 am

I left an n out on unnecassary.

Cely exactly.

Into the Light

February 24th, 2012
9:43 am

principles and standards are just so much better than carnal desires – worth repeating.

@Leggs: Dayum, Gina!! :)

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

February 24th, 2012
9:44 am

Reason I say it’s unavoidable is because no matter how much work you do on yourself post breakup, you’ll never know the results until you’re in a new one.

The measure of ‘getting over it’ isn’t fully realized until you get into something new.

Lady~

February 24th, 2012
9:44 am

yep leggs they know lol good 1~

  

February 24th, 2012
9:44 am

Enter your comments here

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

February 24th, 2012
9:45 am

LOL…….@Leggs

A male ho………LOL

Exiled!

February 24th, 2012
9:51 am

What do uall mean by ‘heal’ from a relationship,? Blackfoote? As a dude what kind of healing dp u go thru or u need for that matter..?

I guess a part of the question to All genders is ‘do u fall in luv with the first person u date?’ necessarily?

I would think even after a break up with somebody u didn’t like anymore or who didn’t want u anymore,u still have to live and breath. So u go out and meet people,some funny etc and fun to be around,others,not so much… so u jinx and jive ..if a one night is warranted,u grab it,if not u leave it alone…All along,living life!

What’s this crap then about ”Healing?’ all because a chic u supposedly ‘loved’ benched U or u benched her?

If it’s an ex and we meet and it seems there is electricity between u,guys take one for the road and KIM…I’ll feel even better!

ComeOn Now!

Off topic: my Friday started Bad coz a short police officer who didn’t get some last nite decided to give me a ticket for a supposedly ‘expired’ tag! But Feb ain’t done yet!

Audra

February 24th, 2012
9:57 am

Congrats, KaiserSoze! I got divorced early last year, so your story gives me hope. Dating someone new right now (NO, not the first one after the divorce!) so maybe…

But I do agree with what you said, gotta just let it happen. Try to force it and in the long run it’s going to make for two unhappy people. I learned that from my marriage!

Celisea

February 24th, 2012
9:57 am

MMeello – I think the difference is there are some folks that already know what they’re going to do or not. Everybody knows if you’re the kind of person that can jump back in and keep it real. Everybody knows if you’re the kind that need to lay on a few warm bodies. Everybody knows if just how much that person meant, to what degree and whether or not it was something way deep (needing much time), or someone that you could live without anyway (not needing much time).

No you don’t know exactly when you reach the point of “over it” but you know if your interaction with the next person will be something that lean towards favorable or not.

kimmie - the original :)

February 24th, 2012
9:58 am

Leggs – Adele & Webber brought tears to my eyes! They both deserve awards!!! Best acting ANYWHERE!! And wasn’t that hillarious about Zola’s hair!LOL!!

Audra

February 24th, 2012
9:58 am

One more thing: as far as the Rihanna and Chris Brown thing? That’s not a case of a moth attracted to a flame. That’s a woman getting sucked back in by an abusive man. She needs a rebound or whatever it takes to kick that loser to the curb, period.

Celisea

February 24th, 2012
9:59 am

Off topic: my Friday started Bad coz a short police officer who didn’t get some last nite decided to give me a ticket for a supposedly ‘expired’ tag! But Feb ain’t done yet!

That was funny. The tag should be renewed by your birthday…if that’s not February 29th then you don’t have the whole month.

Bluzgirl

February 24th, 2012
10:01 am

Well…for me, healing means picking up the pieces and preparing to move on. It’s really not fair to a new person if you are “using” them to get over someone else. I have some flirting going on with someone out of state and maybe by the time he comes back to Atlanta, I’ll be in a better position to really give it a go. For now, the flirting is helping to boost me back up, but I can’t lean on him to take all my pain away…

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

February 24th, 2012
10:02 am

Ex what I mean when I say heal is, not jumping into another relationship or using some lady as a lay to get over a hump. Nope I’m not sitting around moping I carry on with the next day of business. I have plenty of friends that come over to my place in my opinion love to hitch me up for a quickie.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

February 24th, 2012
10:05 am

They like my cooking too. At least a few have said so.

Into the Light

February 24th, 2012
10:07 am

Speaking of cooking, BF, what’s for breakfast??

kimmie - the original :)

February 24th, 2012
10:10 am

Leggs – Anika Noni Rose was acting her behind off too! Some serious acting chops on both of those shows! I’m curious about Shonda Rimes new show coming up, Scandal. Looks like it might be a winner too.