accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: That wandering eye problem

What would you do if you were seeing someone who had a problem with constantly checking other people out? I ask because I am curious to know how many people would actually find this rude behavior a forgivable offense?

If everything else about the person is pretty great, could you live with their wandering eye? Does it mean you are dating a jerk? I’ve heard the argument that if you are “secure” then it should not bother you. Do you agree with that?

Admittedly, the “wandering eye” can happen without you even realizing it. Someone catches your eye and it’s normal to turn and look at them closer, right?

I can say that it has happened to me once (ok twice, but I had sunglasses on) but if it is a habitual thing? Not good – it could easily land you in the disrespectful territory you don’t want to be in.

Why do you think some people have a problem with letting their eyes wander even when their date next to them?

A lot of people will think having a wandering eye is rude, but is it a deal breaker? Would you dump someone over it if they are “just looking”? Is it a precursor to two-timing?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

309 comments Add your comment

Lady~

February 23rd, 2012
7:47 am

Good Morning!!!!! A wandering eye isn’t a deal breaker in my book respect and lack thereof is a deal breaker…….its natural to look at what you are attracted to is normal and healthy in a sense however to drool and act on your urges and temptations in my presence or secretly is just unacceptable.

Lady~

February 23rd, 2012
7:52 am

I know a whole crew that absorbs looking at their eye candy no matter the location and while they aren’t rude with their intentions it is no secret they are looking and the women actually respond to it…….yall know I love people watching so I see both sides of the wandering eye from the single man to the coupled man……..women look too……..to me its your actions that will the determine the depths of a wandering eye….

Lady~

February 23rd, 2012
7:54 am

to stare is rude though and uncomfortable…………….

Necessary Snark

February 23rd, 2012
8:22 am

Do you ever do anything beyond throwing out a couple generalizations and then asking for feedback? I thought this was a newspaper – not a blog or message board topic.

The Truth

February 23rd, 2012
8:32 am

I fought this battle early in my courtship to my now husband. I felt that if he couldn’t control his eyes in front of me then he was super out-of-hand behind my back. #1, it’s disrespectful, especially when you ask to be on my time, but you are feasting your eyes on other ladies. How tacky! I began to purposely, and lustfully look at other men in his presence so he could see how it felt. He got the message loud and clear. No man wants his attractive date looking at other men in front of him. What an ego deflater. He worked on his eye problem until it was no longer an issue. I feel if you truly care about your date/mate/spouse you won’t do it. It is VERY disrespectful.

You Can't Fix Stupid or Snarky

February 23rd, 2012
8:37 am

About Misadventures in Atlanta

An Atlanta dating scene blog, as only our Wise Diva can describe it

Necessary Snark

February 23rd, 2012
8:40 am

Yea – who wants original content (thoughts, ideas, anecdotes, statistics some semblance of reporting?).

Not sure why I bothered, I’ll let you all enjoy debating generalizations.

Insecure?

February 23rd, 2012
8:44 am

Look, a beautiful woman or hot guy is just that. People from both genders do the same thing. Your involved, not dead. Unless it detracts from casual conversation or blatantly obvious, what’s the big deal. Some people think that once you are involved, that no one else exists and that’s just not realistic. My g/f and I took a ballroom dancing class and the teachers were both male and female. My g’f and I laughed about how neither of us had ever seen such a collection of more physically jawdropping individuals in our life. Then we went home and made love. That was all and that was it. Some of you people are really, REALLY insecure!

Lady~

February 23rd, 2012
8:53 am

if a guy is @ a bar with his mate and is obviously checking another chic out and sends a drink to that chic and not try to hide it is that ok…..his mate is cool with it too?!?

David

February 23rd, 2012
8:54 am

I admit that it’s hard to simply look away from a gorgeous woman, at least be Black Ops about it. I know that my girlfriend knows a good looking guy when she sees one and I would think she’s being dishonest by not noticing. I’m not the best looking guy she’s every gone out with and she’s not the best looking woman I’ve gone out with. So what? Our personalities and habits mesh great! I’ll even point out some young stud and say something like “Uh oh, eye candy for the female at 2 o’clock!” and we make jokes about it. It’s time to grow up and put your grown up pants on.

Bluzgirl

February 23rd, 2012
8:56 am

Morning! I dated a guy years ago who had a horrible wandering eye! He made it obvious and turned his head when a pretty woman walked by. Now, I’m not dumb and I know guys will still look, but don’t make it so obvious. Even though I told him how it made me feel, he didn’t try to stop it. He blamed it on being a photographer and noticing beauty. BS! He told me I could look at other guys and it wouldn’t bother him. I said that I do, he just can’t tell because it’s not obvious.

David

February 23rd, 2012
8:56 am

No, sending a drink over is crossing the line. But just noticing her/him just means you have a pulse. Big difference…..

disco

February 23rd, 2012
8:56 am

I’ve never understood the folks who got all riled up over somebody looking at someone else. makes no sense to me and I usually try to see both sides of the coin. if another person is attractive, unattractive, wearing something nice, wearing something atrocious. if your eyes work it’s only natural to look. (now if your s/o is drilling holes in locker rooms or peeping through bathroom windows that’s a different situation altogether…)

lady – re bar scenario…who knows? these days the woman might be eyeballing the other woman and using her man as the bait. crazier things have happened (and I just opened the door for the freaks to step in this early in the a.m.).

Lady~

February 23rd, 2012
9:01 am

see I said those actions are interesting beyond just looking………………all behavior has purpose

Lady~

February 23rd, 2012
9:04 am

David I like your 8:54…..the guy I am seeing now sounds like you…..also when we are out I am his center of attention and that is one of the things I love…sure there are beautiful women and handsome men in the midst and we even joke about them especially those that are checking either of us out and just laugh it off and continue to enjoy the moment……..its real cool to laugh together at the little things…..a wandering eye is just that….it is normal

LeeH1

February 23rd, 2012
9:09 am

“Men’s eyes were made to see.” -Shakespeare. Also, women’s eyes were made to see as well. While it is rude to close out the person you are with to check on someone else, so many people dress and act to attract attention that others must be forgiven for giving them the attention they crave.

You can’t correct other people.

Lady~

February 23rd, 2012
9:12 am

LeeH1 so true!!!! I have seen women dismiss a another woman in their man’s presence with provocative attire……but on the flip side if a person is going to cheat or do suspect things its going to happen no matter what one tries to do to deter such behavior……but I remembering being at a play with my ex boo and a person next to us was dressed down tight clothes very attractive etc and this lady asked her date to move over and she sat by the lady….lol I was laughing like hmmmm you know your man huh~!

SlimUno

February 23rd, 2012
9:25 am

Good morning,

Um, to look is not an issue if you happen to catch an attractive person in your sights…However, I’m not going to deal with a dude that’s breaking his neck to look at every piece of arse that’s in a 50 foot radius. I’ve been out and noticed a nice looking guy and I glance but I don’t sit staring at him with my mouth open, pulling a “When Harry Met Sally” deal at the table. The beau has pointed out to me before that he saw me looking at a dude but he goes, “it’s alright, ain’t nuttin wrong with that’ lol Also, I’m not afraid to admit that another chick is attractive, has nice legs, booty, face or whatever because at the end of the day, I still like ME

Lady~

February 23rd, 2012
9:27 am

@Slim >>>>>> that’s breaking his neck to look at every piece of arse that’s in a 50 foot radius <<<<<that describes the group I spoke of earlier…granted they are single but still I feel when they are on a date they still look and with depth….lol one dude said he always going to look. its like a being in a strip club kind of look almost gawking if you will ….lol

is it fair to assess men are more visual creatures than women?!? #smirk

Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB

February 23rd, 2012
9:31 am

Sounds fair to me Lady…what up folks

Lady~

February 23rd, 2012
9:32 am

;) Jake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Celisea

February 23rd, 2012
9:37 am

Good morning Lovelies :)

Hmmmm, let me see….. I could have a problem with it or not. Depends. I think folks quick to toss “insecure” at you for having a problem with them gawking should get a side eye. If I have a problem and make mention to you….as I mentioned yesterday when folks are quick to dismiss your thoughts and concerns and overal lack respect, you can be they are pretty much going to do what they want, regardless. So yeah, they’ll gawk or do whatever they want anyway. That’s nothing to do with me and how I’m insecure and how or where I lack. Own it if it’s yours.

In relating to someone that’s mindful and respectful, I don’t mind at all. Take a look and enjoy (for a sec), it’s what we all do. Wondering eye versus someone that notices another attractive person are removed from one another. I’ve seen “forever wondering eyes” end up down the road trying to explain “what had happened was” in how you and Sambooka hooked up. That’s not the same as noticing.

SlimUno

February 23rd, 2012
9:40 am

Lady – That gawking stuff is just creepy. As you all may know I work around a lot of car dealers, which let me just say is creepy in itself. Anyhoo, this guy was damn near about to fall over the counter to see my backside one day but got caught when I turned around before he could get his balance. So I looked at him like he was crazy and basically did the same thing back to him to show how unprofessional idiotic that was. Any chick who is flattered by a guy doing that to them probably has low self-esteem. I felt disrespected.

Leggs

February 23rd, 2012
9:41 am

Good morning!

Without reading comments, let me say this. It is “natural” to look at another. What’s unnatural and very offensive is to constantly turn around to see another person. To habitually gaze at another woman while in my company is not acceptable. We all look, nothing wrong there. But to always look where I am aware of it, always comment to me on their looks, the anatomy of another woman, is annoying to say the least. I’m secure in who I am, but I do demand respect and consideration for my feelings.

disco

February 23rd, 2012
9:46 am

slim – that’s funny. dude was about to fall over the counter??? many years ago, back when you could still find a pay phone, my son and brother swear a guy got all tangled up in the phone cord watching me walk into the convenience store to pay for gas.

Lady~

February 23rd, 2012
9:47 am

its beyond creepy and rude and when you ignore it from the less mature regardless the age they show their true character with their response……………….chuckle

Celisea

February 23rd, 2012
9:50 am

Bluzgirl – Even though I told him how it made me feel, he didn’t try to stop it.

See, this right here is what I was talking about. Dismissing and passing over. Stay away from they. They won’t ever respect you or the gender.

Celisea

February 23rd, 2012
9:51 am

them not they…I was changing the radio station :(

M. (pronouced M dot)

February 23rd, 2012
9:55 am

Good day..

My only opinion about the wandering eye is this:

“Whatever you dish out, make sure you can take it”. If you wander, make sure you are ok with them wandering. No double standards…

Celisea

February 23rd, 2012
9:57 am

Mdot – I agree…it’s good in theory though but not in practice.

SlimUno

February 23rd, 2012
10:17 am

its beyond creepy and rude and when you ignore it from the less mature regardless the age they show their true character with their response

Lady – Yeah, reminds me of walking around at Underground (back when that was the thing to do) and if you ignored a group of guys catcalling, they would then yell out b!@ch to you. Ignoramouses :roll:

Leggs

February 23rd, 2012
10:17 am

“Do you ever do anything beyond throwing out a couple generalizations and then asking for feedback? I thought this was a newspaper – not a blog or message board topic.” – Ummm, the newspaper are the other pages…this right here is A BLOG.</strong?

Lady~

February 23rd, 2012
10:18 am

silence is golden in that instance………it takes two to argue and why argue with a fool?!? LOL I let them have it and KIM gracefully! ;)

Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB

February 23rd, 2012
10:19 am

Mdot-I disagree, male/female relationships are full of double standards…the more we accept them, the the healthier the relationship will be…..I know, every woman is phenomenal and all, but I am “gentlemanly chauvinistic”

Lady~

February 23rd, 2012
10:23 am

you are what you respond to……..isn’t that an aphorism of some sort?!? lolololol #shrugs

SlimUno

February 23rd, 2012
10:25 am

Leggs – I read that post in the voice of Katt Williams lol But I was thinking the same thing when I glanced at that post like, I’m sure they didn’t locate this blog under the World News headline

Celisea

February 23rd, 2012
10:26 am

Ummm, okie dokie…I think…to Jake’s 10:19 I’m just wearing a blank stare right now. Was that a trick of some sort?

dyslexicbunny

February 23rd, 2012
10:27 am

Two of my friends that are a couple have this policy – “I don’t care where you get your appetite as long as you come home hungry.” Seems to work for them.

Me? Eye contact bothers me so I just let them wander. Motion tends to catch my attention also so there’s lot of looking around aimlessly. Maybe I’m a dog or t-rex or something.

Leggs

February 23rd, 2012
10:28 am

:lol: SlimUno ~ I read it back to myself in the voice of Kat Williams. Yep, he would have said it just like that (lol).

Lady~

February 23rd, 2012
10:29 am

like really Slim! LOL #ignored LOL

disco

February 23rd, 2012
10:31 am

O/T – I know February is the shortest month but am I the only one that thinks this February has been extraordinarily long???

Lady~

February 23rd, 2012
10:32 am

disco it is dragging much……….

Lady~

February 23rd, 2012
10:33 am

oh and I canceled my CIAA trip go figure but heading to Tenn in March! #yay

Celisea

February 23rd, 2012
10:35 am

I dated a dude that use to go (hey FION) to Magic City and would always call me before leaving. Strange (maybe not) that never bothered me.

Leggs

February 23rd, 2012
10:36 am

It’s 80 degrees in Memphis right now!

SlimUno

February 23rd, 2012
10:36 am

O/T: I just read that Bobbi Christina has been really hitting the drugs hard. I feel so bad for her and I hope she gets some help. I’d hate to see her end up like her mom. Then it doesn’t help that it seems she doesn’t have much of a relationship with Bobby, then to have lost her best friend. Wow!

Celisea

February 23rd, 2012
10:37 am

I’m tired today….

Celisea

February 23rd, 2012
10:37 am

I’m getting out early….yawn

Celisea

February 23rd, 2012
10:38 am

It’s still going to snow before spring has officially sprung

Leggs

February 23rd, 2012
10:38 am

@SlimNu ! I see spell Christina with a “C” like I always have. Just learned during the furneral that it’s spelled with a “K”

No doubt that child is lost! I hope she finds her way back, but the odds may be against her. Perhaps she can be our black “Drew Barrymore” and turn her life away from the drugs and alcohol.