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How supportive are you?

One of our readers has a relationship problem that I think some of us can relate to. Tara has been seeing a guy for over a year and things are pretty serious. She feels that he is taking the relationship seriously, but she wants to know if the thing that is bothering her about him is a deal breaker. Her guy is not very supportive of her at all, in fact he is critical of her a lot.

I know exactly what she is going through because I have met the type before – some men feel as if they have to “tear you down and build you back up” and mold you into the woman they want you to be. It’s interesting because they disguise it behind good intentions and helpful feedback, when really…they are just being a butthead.

My advice is to speak up now and see if that can be dealt with amicably. I think having someone who supports you is an absolute must. I am all for challenging me and helping me grow, but some people don’t know how to do it with love.

Have you ever dated someone who was overly critical of you?

Do you consider yourself to be supportive when you are in a relationship?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

433 comments Add your comment

Bluzgirl

February 22nd, 2012
4:18 pm

Not all white chicks are that free flowing…amongst my friends (of all colors), you get a mixture of responses. I don’t know if that many women period enjoy it…they just do it for their man…

Purple

February 22nd, 2012
4:18 pm

Olive colored? I am not green! lol

Celisea

February 22nd, 2012
4:19 pm

I’m telling y’all, MMeello checks this stuff at the door. Queen ain’t hearing it. I bet he cuddles a lot too…lol

Purple

February 22nd, 2012
4:19 pm

Bluz are you white? If so share some of the “things” you have heard about women of color since some have there thoughts on “Becky’s”

kimmie - the original :)

February 22nd, 2012
4:22 pm

Celisea – Yeah, I bet he’s a cuddly one to Queen! LOL!!!

Purple – Now you are the one that told me you were olive, so don’t front!!

Exiled!

February 22nd, 2012
4:23 pm

Poll Slim?

Let’s start with the WLB on MIA

Slim. Yep

Leggs

Disco

Kimmie—–

Bluz—— he’ll yea!

Celisea? ——

Audra——

WHo else?

Celisea

February 22nd, 2012
4:23 pm

Kimmie – Rubbing feet, running baths, renting movies….

Mmeello? What say you?

Willie Dynamite

February 22nd, 2012
4:25 pm

Cel – 4:19, I think you are right.

Willie Dynamite

February 22nd, 2012
4:26 pm

Ex – whats the question? i want to make sure before I answer.

Bluzgirl

February 22nd, 2012
4:26 pm

I am white…Honestly, I don’t see where there is a difference on what different races of women do in the bedroom. I have friends of several different races and we all seem to be on the same page with a lot…

disco

February 22nd, 2012
4:27 pm

slim – 108 pounds??? dang.

I’m well aware of becky and ‘nem.

kimmie – I don’t really trip off of the skin tone issue. in my opinion black people having preferences for skin tone is no different than white folks having preference for eye/hair color. the skin tone is just a descriptor i.e. “I met a fine little light skin/redbone/chocolate” brother.

Leggs

February 22nd, 2012
4:27 pm

“…is that really the stereotype that white chicks are more free flowing with the Oral hookups than Black chicks” – That’s what I’ve ALWAYS have heard over the years. Two things I’ve heard white women vs. black women. (1) give longer head, and (2) tolerate BS more. Now, of course these are like old wives tales being passed along. I have no way to collaborate.

Leggs

February 22nd, 2012
4:28 pm

“I don’t know if that many women period enjoy it…they just do it for their man…” – how wrong you are. I know plenty of women who LOVE IT.

Boy, you guys have had me laughing all day! THANKS

Leggs

February 22nd, 2012
4:29 pm

Olive toned, not olive colored!

Exiled!

February 22nd, 2012
4:30 pm

WD?

Slim is trying to find out which black chics speak to the mike?

MIA chics

I just did a spreadsheet for her…

Into the Light

February 22nd, 2012
4:31 pm

Afternoon, all! Just popping in to say hello.

Leggs: LOL@your 4:28. Looks like I’ve missed a lively discussion today.

Bluzgirl

February 22nd, 2012
4:31 pm

I’ve honestly never heard about white girls giving longer head. I don’t know…I wonder where that comes from. As far as tolerating more BS, that may be true…

kimmie - the original :)

February 22nd, 2012
4:33 pm

disco – Oh, I don’t trip on skin tone either, but some folks are, like they say, “color-struck”! I have a friend that is like that about light skinned. You could have 3 eyes and a pig snout for a nose, but if you’re light, she’s gonna say you’re pretty!

Exiled!

February 22nd, 2012
4:33 pm

Leggs?
longer head?

I thought the ‘rule’ is u (female) keep the mouf engaged until the man nutt and cream and the woman gulps

longer wld depend on other variables(on the men) if u look at it that way.. :lol:

Swiss chime in.. Lol

Celisea

February 22nd, 2012
4:34 pm

Leggs – Your 4:27…it’s true. Of course black women are pegged and labled as crazy cause we short on tolerance for BS…lol

Since inquiring minds wanna know:

Women of color are big girls and grown and like the grown and sexy. We can answer for ourselves. We just didn’t learn “stuff” while still in grade school or under the table in preK pleasuring folks, bucking at home and just walking out, hanging out and everywhere doing everything…nuh uh, you got knocked to the moon with that behavior.

Difference, black women love and enjoy pleasuring their men. Not the entire frat house, the football team, the soccer team. For our generation, most of waited until relationships and what not…with grown men. Becky “nem” get started early and just all willy nilly with it.

i'm swiss

February 22nd, 2012
4:34 pm

ITL — Just in time. What’s your position on providing oral services? :lol:

i'm swiss

February 22nd, 2012
4:36 pm

I don’t know about all that….

Bluzgirl

February 22nd, 2012
4:37 pm

@Ex…I think I just threw up a little in my mouth! LOL

Celisea

February 22nd, 2012
4:37 pm

Kimmie – Your 4:33

I was in a bridesmaid for a chick that went to Mays..back in the day. Of course the typical long hair, hazel eyes, fair skin. She actually said to me, “girl you ain’t nothing at Mays if you aren’t light skinned with long hair.” That was true for Douglas High and Mays High back then. Not so much now. Black (all shades) is beautiful :)

disco

February 22nd, 2012
4:38 pm

I’m going to go out on a limb. the myth that black men are better endowed was (supposedly) started by white men in an effort to discourage white women from being sexually attracted to black men. white men also went ahead and led society to believe that black women were hyper-sexual unlike the prim, proper white woman that was placed on a pedestal. now the truth likely lies in the middle. not all black men are packing, not all black women are sex fiends and not all white chicks are that innocent.

Leggs

February 22nd, 2012
4:38 pm

“Difference, black women love and enjoy pleasuring their men. Not the entire frat house, the football team, the soccer team” – OMG! Becky done gone wild….I am CTFU

@ITL ~ looks like you jumped right into the fray.

Celisea

February 22nd, 2012
4:39 pm

Swiss – I’m not saying there weren’t in fast girls I’m just saying by comparison, we don’t rock it early and with everybody like that. Like someone said or the women I know, enjoy their men in relationship. Not saying that behavior doesn’t transcend all race but by comparison, Becky ‘nem got us beat.

Exiled!

February 22nd, 2012
4:39 pm

Bluz so u don’t know bout the golden shower even?

Leggs

February 22nd, 2012
4:39 pm

I was in a bridesmaid for a chick that went to Mays..back in the day” – UMMM, you might want to rephrase that sentence (lol).

disco

February 22nd, 2012
4:40 pm

kimmie – you made me think of the expression “yellow-wasted” or “yellow gone to waste”. I’ve heard it used when folks are light skinned but didn’t get the other desired features like good hair, not brown eyes or thin features.

kimmie - the original :)

February 22nd, 2012
4:41 pm

Celisea – My younger brothers went to Mays – yeah, a light/long convention up in there back then!LOL!! They liked the girls of all shades, did not discriminate!

i'm swiss

February 22nd, 2012
4:41 pm

C — I should take you to my home town. Teen moms of all races, creeds & colors abound there. Then again, there’s not much else to do there…

Celisea

February 22nd, 2012
4:41 pm

I know there were some chicks handed around…of color….I know a few.

Leggs

February 22nd, 2012
4:41 pm

Let’s not talk about the “golden shower,” please. Just a degrading act. Amazing people even like that isht!!

Celisea

February 22nd, 2012
4:42 pm

Swiss – I actually responded because of Purple’s request to Bluz…

I get it.

Bluzgirl

February 22nd, 2012
4:42 pm

@Ex…that’s definitely something I have heard of and am NOT into!!! Yuck!

Celisea

February 22nd, 2012
4:43 pm

Kimmie – I’m surprised (not really) that I was a bridesmaid. The only darkie in the bunch…lol

Exiled!

February 22nd, 2012
4:43 pm

Legs

Popularized by Tiger and R

Leggs

February 22nd, 2012
4:45 pm

Naw, it was way popular before Tiger.

kimmie - the original :)

February 22nd, 2012
4:45 pm

Gang, it’s been interesting in blogland today!

Gotta go!

Be easy!

Into the Light

February 22nd, 2012
4:46 pm

ITL — Just in time. What’s your position on providing oral services?

Swiss- Usually my knees, but it’s negotiable. :lol: :lol:

Seriously, I’m surprised that people still have sexual stereotypes regarding race in 2012…..

Leggs

February 22nd, 2012
4:46 pm

Tiger used it as a form of submission, to put an exclamation point on the fact that he already thought them beneath him.

I thought others used it as a form of arousal. Don’t know that’s even possible.

Look at me, asking not to discuss it and all….I’m done!!

disco

February 22nd, 2012
4:46 pm

bluzgirl – you still here? you did a good job with the disco challenge today. proud of you.

Leggs

February 22nd, 2012
4:47 pm

:lol: :lol: Guess swiss didn’t properly word his question. Good answer, ITL.

i'm swiss

February 22nd, 2012
4:48 pm

C — Along the lines of your bridesmaid comments… A couple of years ago I was the token whiteboy in a buddy’s wedding. I was pretty much a non-stop source of comedy for the whole weekend. Don’t you know that as we were going through the buffet line at the reception the server asked if I preferred “white meat or dark meat.” All the other groomsmen shouted out in unison, “DARK MEAT!” :lol:

Willie Dynamite

February 22nd, 2012
4:48 pm

Ex – atta boy back to your old self. hahaha. Man I can’t even begin to answer that question individually bout the blog ladies. I’ll just say this. I think all of them can/do get on the mic depending on the dude. I will go further to say that some just have natural talent. Some have that natural stage presence that transcends all genres. Some only grab the mic in the church choir (so to speak). An then you have some that just lip synch thinking they know they are good.
To be fair its the same way for dudes doing women.

Celisea

February 22nd, 2012
4:49 pm

Alright folks, it’s almost time.

Swiss – You had the best laugh of the day (a couple of pages back). Everytime I think of it I laugh again. Y’all have had me cracking up today.

Into the Light

February 22nd, 2012
4:49 pm

Thanks, Leggs.

Okay, back to the salt mines. Y’all be good.

i'm swiss

February 22nd, 2012
4:49 pm

:lol: @ ITL. I like you. Too bad you’re white. :lol:

Bluzgirl

February 22nd, 2012
4:50 pm

@Disco…I’m here. Thanks!!! Doing my best!