How supportive are you?
One of our readers has a relationship problem that I think some of us can relate to. Tara has been seeing a guy for over a year and things are pretty serious. She feels that he is taking the relationship seriously, but she wants to know if the thing that is bothering her about him is a deal breaker. Her guy is not very supportive of her at all, in fact he is critical of her a lot.
I know exactly what she is going through because I have met the type before – some men feel as if they have to “tear you down and build you back up” and mold you into the woman they want you to be. It’s interesting because they disguise it behind good intentions and helpful feedback, when really…they are just being a butthead.
My advice is to speak up now and see if that can be dealt with amicably. I think having someone who supports you is an absolute must. I am all for challenging me and helping me grow, but some people don’t know how to do it with love.
Have you ever dated someone who was overly critical of you?
Do you consider yourself to be supportive when you are in a relationship?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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433 comments Add your comment
Leggs
February 22nd, 2012
3:37 pm
Nevermind, disco, had a flasback moment and I assumed they flew…
i'm swiss
February 22nd, 2012
3:38 pm
“nail it!”
Me.lo — Oh, I do. As often as possible.
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
3:38 pm
disco – I’m there with you. Was never called the REALLY derogatory stuff but growing up in the 80/90s it wasn’t quite popular. Something happened and somebody had an epiphany and discover, black really is beautiful. I tell you, nothing sexier than a handsome chocolate man. Mmm mmm mmm
But yeah, my brothers got it to…they’re darker than me. My sisters are fairly light and one brother. My kid is a litter darker than she was when little but she was a light little something. Her grandmother/father (dad side), said when she was born “aaaawwwww, she’s so pretty, she’s got his hair and color” Huh? How ignorant was that??? Funny thing is EVERYBODY says, now that she’s older, that she looks just like me. Ha…jokes on them. Even though she favors him she’s grown to resemble me much. They say whoever does the feeding is who they favor…lol
Leggs
February 22nd, 2012
3:38 pm
@Ex, don’t worry, swiss is nailing, hammering and sawing through it….
Leggs
February 22nd, 2012
3:38 pm
Too funny, I now see your response swiss.
Leggs
February 22nd, 2012
3:40 pm
At Celisea I was about to say the same thing your last sentence says. Mine always looked like her father, but since I feed her and live with her, she now looks like me (just prettier).
i'm swiss
February 22nd, 2012
3:40 pm
I’m still proud of you for your comment, though, Leggs.
SlimUno
February 22nd, 2012
3:41 pm
Hi, my name is Slim and i’m addicted to Chocolate Brothas…not a fan of the White Chocolate (light-skinners)
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
3:41 pm
My mama instilled in me “the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice.” She would always say if you’re called black, hit ‘em with this
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
3:42 pm
Exactly Leggs, exactly
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
3:43 pm
Funny thing, folks use to stop and stare at her. If it was people that knew him they’d say awww man look at little so and so (insert his name) and she’d say “Nuh uh, I look like my mama”
Willie Dynamite
February 22nd, 2012
3:43 pm
Swiss – If you still around, I remember you saying you like spicy/hot foods. Well, i just ordered a package of Bhut Jolokia seeds and will be looking to plant them beg of March.
Willie Dynamite
February 22nd, 2012
3:48 pm
dayum based on what I’m reading I need to start attending some of these blog meet n greets. Just to put a face with the writing styles of course.
Leggs
February 22nd, 2012
3:49 pm
Thanks swiss. Sounds like something you would say. Couldn’t leave a word like that just hanging.
Purple
February 22nd, 2012
3:49 pm
Hello Slim, My name is Purp and I am addicted to “women” no matter the color of her exterior. I just love women in general to many flavors to be picky. Now I do have a body type.
i'm swiss
February 22nd, 2012
3:50 pm
WD — Never tried those. I do like spicy, but “the hottest pepper in the world” might be pushing it for me. Habaneros are probably more my speed. (I am still white, you know)
Exiled!
February 22nd, 2012
3:50 pm
Swiss?
one regret I have is I have never nailed a white or Asian chic
Now Purp and Celisea who are more spiritually attuned can help me with this coz I can either make that good or just ignore it..
Bottom line I want to be str8 with God eventually..
Help!
i'm swiss
February 22nd, 2012
3:53 pm
Don’t sweat it, Me.lo. It’s all pink on the inside, anyway.
Leggs
February 22nd, 2012
3:54 pm
“Bottom line I want to be str8 with God eventually..”
Just not right now!
Exiled!
February 22nd, 2012
3:55 pm
Swiss?
it’s All pink coz u have the benefit of First hand combat sighting?
I don’t and it’s like having theoretical knowledge versus practical knowledge
Not the same!
Bluz u listening?
SlimUno
February 22nd, 2012
3:56 pm
Purp – And your body type preference would be???
Purple
February 22nd, 2012
3:56 pm
Exiled that is something between You , God and your Heart.
Willie Dynamite
February 22nd, 2012
3:57 pm
Ex – So you got Becky on your bucket list?
i'm swiss
February 22nd, 2012
3:58 pm
Me.lo — Not to make it any worse for you, but I can tell you that the few white chicks I was with in my day did share one common characteristic: They would and could suck a w@ng. Enthusiastically.
Exiled!
February 22nd, 2012
3:59 pm
He likes ur type Slim
I forwarded ur pic to him
MLB franchise player swapping!
Purple
February 22nd, 2012
4:00 pm
Slim I like the spot in between thick and slim..but yet still fit. More on the slender side. No large knockers but a nice cup no huge butt but yet just enough. Somewhere between 5′1 and 5′7 in height gentle but strong facial features
Exiled!
February 22nd, 2012
4:01 pm
Becky?
WD. I have heard that never knew what it meant..
Purple
February 22nd, 2012
4:01 pm
Slim, Exiled did not send me a picture of you. LOL
Purple
February 22nd, 2012
4:03 pm
Becky? wow. LOL that is so “racist” lol
kimmie - the original :)
February 22nd, 2012
4:04 pm
I have never liked island or foreign dudes. I’m too American and opinionated and won’t bow to any other customs or ideas foreign men might have about how they want women to behave.
Whatchall got against light-skinned?
That’s alright, us light folks gotta stick together! Maybe that’s why chocolate dudes would never give me a chance!LOL!!
Leggs
February 22nd, 2012
4:05 pm
@Ex ~ you never knew what “Becky” meant. Another good laugh today…
Purple
February 22nd, 2012
4:05 pm
kimmie, yeah us light skin folks have to stick together!
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
4:06 pm
Kimmie – That’s usually how it works. Dark men like lighter women and lighter men like darker women. I’ve just grown over the past years an appreciation for dark and light. I’ve never dated or been with a dark dude. I see some pretty scrumptous looking ones though.
Bluzgirl
February 22nd, 2012
4:07 pm
I’m still here…laughing at the downhill conversation!
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
4:07 pm
Yeah, all I ever heard about Becky is that she spends much time on her knees. I don’t think sisters were “bred” in that type of play.
Purple
February 22nd, 2012
4:07 pm
Leggs, I have never heard it before today. That’s worse than “chink”
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
4:08 pm
Can not, CAN NOT do short dudes..no way
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
4:09 pm
I’m rolling at Becky being on the bucket list. Wonder if any white dudes have sisters on their bucket lists.
SlimUno
February 22nd, 2012
4:10 pm
Purp – I was about to say, I have no idea what picture could possibly be circulating of me. And you sure you aren’t looking at a picture of me while giving your description? lol kidding, i’m in between slim and skinny…5′6″ about 108lbs, tangerine/hand full, and have been told Ethiopian/Somalian/Indian-like facial features
kimmie - the original :)
February 22nd, 2012
4:11 pm
Celisea – I’ve always liked dudes a nice brown, like Denzel or Larenz Tate(but taller). I liked that chocolate dude in Dreamgirls – the one that was going with the short dreamgirl? He’s cute and has dimples! Those type dudes would either not give me a chance, or get with me & break my heart.
Ended up marrying a light dude!LOL! He said same thing, us light gotta stick together.
Purple Olive, you cool, you can hang with me!
Exiled!
February 22nd, 2012
4:12 pm
much time on her knees
Cel..sisters Not bred that way?
Really so they get it when they grow older from R movies and stuff?
Speaking of R I saw him belting a tune at Whitney’s
Never thought he was allowed in church
R really? after what he did on video to that girl? LOL
Purple
February 22nd, 2012
4:13 pm
Slim, I just said Ex did not send me a picture of you. You are indeed a very slim pretty woman with wonderful eyes, beautiful smile and nice flowing hair and a great shape with nice gentle curves too!
SlimUno
February 22nd, 2012
4:13 pm
Purp – You are not light-skinned, you’re olive toned. There is a difference. But in general, you tend to see a light-skinned person with a dark or brown-skinned partner and vice versa. Most of my aunts are pretty darn light and they all have had dark or brown toned husbands.
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
4:14 pm
Yep MMelloo
I learned from a few greats 
SlimUno
February 22nd, 2012
4:15 pm
Okay, now about this whole Becky thing…is that really the stereotype that white chicks are more free flowing with the Oral hookups than Black chicks??? Any real truth to this, we should conduct a poll. Maybe black chicks just don’t really care to admit they speak into the mic
i'm swiss
February 22nd, 2012
4:15 pm
C — Yes. Probably more than you’d think, but maybe a lot of them are scurrrrrrred to approach. And there there’s me & my ilk….
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
4:16 pm
I think so too Swiss. I had one that winked at me yesterday.
Purple
February 22nd, 2012
4:17 pm
Exiled, if the Church can’t forgive a person then that is just wrong.
Willie Dynamite
February 22nd, 2012
4:17 pm
dark dark here but I love love dark women. Ironically I married a red/light chick go figure.
ex – we are officially putting you on probation. How can you be a Wolf and never heard the term Becky. You sir have really been out of character this week.
kimmie - the original :)
February 22nd, 2012
4:17 pm
This is another complexity of the race discussion – skintone differences.