How supportive are you?
One of our readers has a relationship problem that I think some of us can relate to. Tara has been seeing a guy for over a year and things are pretty serious. She feels that he is taking the relationship seriously, but she wants to know if the thing that is bothering her about him is a deal breaker. Her guy is not very supportive of her at all, in fact he is critical of her a lot.
I know exactly what she is going through because I have met the type before – some men feel as if they have to “tear you down and build you back up” and mold you into the woman they want you to be. It’s interesting because they disguise it behind good intentions and helpful feedback, when really…they are just being a butthead.
My advice is to speak up now and see if that can be dealt with amicably. I think having someone who supports you is an absolute must. I am all for challenging me and helping me grow, but some people don’t know how to do it with love.
Have you ever dated someone who was overly critical of you?
Do you consider yourself to be supportive when you are in a relationship?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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433 comments Add your comment
Leggs
February 22nd, 2012
11:46 am
Ain’t that a b….kimmie. I’m doing my research with the clues, but can’t put my finger on it. Carol answered the phone before I had an answer and when she heard my voice she said “not you, S…you always have the answer.” I feel faint….
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
11:46 am
Sometimes you have to speak your peace, let others laugh and make light and move on. Most times when folks mock or make light, you hit it dead on and they know it.
Whether it’s work or play, kin folks, work counterparts, or folks you meet.
Ahhhh, I feel good today
disco
February 22nd, 2012
11:49 am
leggs – speaking of fishy stories. a couple of weeks ago a woman here and her teenaged son return home one night. before they can get from car to house a guy attacks the mom and stabs her repeatedly. she told news reporters she got him to stop by reciting bible verses. a friend and I commented on how it didn’t sound right because if it were us and our sons we’d have all been cut up. I’m confident my son will fight a knife if need be. anyway, didn’t take long before they discovered the son had set his mother up to be killed.
Leggs
February 22nd, 2012
11:50 am
@swiss ~ that was funny!
kimmie - the original :)
February 22nd, 2012
11:51 am
Exiled – You right, we better watch.
No, for so long certain groups have been shut out of places like the Oval Office, governor’s offices, the Supreme Court, golf courses, basketball courts, anchor desks, you name it. Everyone was cozy-comfy and isolated in their own little worlds. Now “others” are participating and everyone is going crazy.
So be it. We’re going thru “growing pains” as a country right now. About time we entered the 21st century, though some want to take us back. We’ll be alright though.
Lady~
February 22nd, 2012
11:51 am
glad its not just me leggs!
Leggs
February 22nd, 2012
11:51 am
DAMN, disco, that’s horrible!
Exiled!
February 22nd, 2012
11:53 am
Celisea?
do u hold some people(my) as deserving more of ur luv than others?
the moment u take ‘my’ into ur everyday,u run a slippery slope.
As a Christian urself u know what I mean
Once u hold everybody to the same standard,black,yellow,white and treat them the same..God will take care of the rest.
But if one moves about feeling that there is a perceived injustice u will never see it fit to view a white person the same u do a black person. Mentally that won’t happen
Reverse racism is the result.
I have seen black on white in Africa. It is Not Pretty!
kimmie - the original :)
February 22nd, 2012
11:54 am
Celisea – Amen, I agree. It burns me up inside too. A constant stuggle.
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
11:54 am
And when we’re in a time of getting our first black president and those supporting and around him show outright disrespect and blatant racism, that just shows we ain’t went nowhere….too much. I believe that sort of behavior has been there but having a black president has pushed some buttons of race relations that’s been there all along.
And we all know folks (all races), tell jokes and make remarks and feel a certain kind of way when they’re with their kind.
I see racism EVERYDAY. I work around it. One of my guys is lily white and we are very formal with each other. Just how it is. The other dude is laid back, can cut up joke, whatever. Both are white.
Leggs
February 22nd, 2012
11:55 am
I am kicking myself….WTF!
disco
February 22nd, 2012
11:56 am
I recall someone on here stating they were ordering “life on the color line – the true story of a white boy who discovered he was black”. whoever that was – did you get it? did you read it? kimmie’s post reminded me of when the father told the sons they were black. the youngest son cried that he didn’t want to be black because black kids weren’t allowed to go swimming at the pool.
kimmie - the original :)
February 22nd, 2012
11:57 am
I believe that sort of behavior has been there but having a black president has pushed some buttons of race relations that’s been there all along.
Celisea – Absolutely, which is what I was trying to say in a roundabout way when I said folks know exactly what they are doing and saying!
Lady~
February 22nd, 2012
11:58 am
its like they all take their turn for their 15mins of fame to show him up and he gracefully let it roll of his back to stay in the middle of the isle…….
Although I don’t care for FPGWB I can’t recall outright hate. I actually respect him bc he presented his agenda and stood by it at all cost (ironically wrong) but he stood his ground be it right or wrong
Purple
February 22nd, 2012
11:58 am
Exiled, I agree with you today.
Leggs
February 22nd, 2012
11:58 am
“I believe that sort of behavior has been there but having a black president has pushed some buttons of race relations that’s been there all along.” True, but because the Presidents have been white, they still restained themselves for the most part from outright voicing their disagreements to the President’s voice, let alone during congressional sessions. But with a black man at the helm, why the hell not!!!!! Blatant disrespect…
Purple
February 22nd, 2012
12:00 pm
I thought the President was Bi Racial and not one race. Isn’t his mom white and his dad black. What race establishes ownership and why?
Leggs
February 22nd, 2012
12:00 pm
@disco ~ I ordered it, received it, but haven’t read it yet. Paid $3.98 for a hardback.
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
12:01 pm
Kimmie – Me too. And when they laugh and say you’re crazy for seeing something for what it is….that only tells me they don’t have a clue. Leave those folks be and let ‘em live in their own world.
Mmeello – As I said yesterday, I’m a realist. I believe in seeing things the way they are. That doesn’t mean I can’t hold everyone in and with the same regard. I think we’re all equal as people but I’m not the one needing convincing. There are some actions you can see that’s got racism stamped all over it, and in turn causes (for me) a reverse reaction…all racism though.
I can laugh and talk with folks of other races all day but that doesn’t mean I don’t recognize racism. When I see it, I get the heck away from it because I’m not worried about being politically correct. I’m worried about sending message that mess okay and with it, it’s not. Not gonna even pretend. At that point, you’ll get manners from me and a hello but that’s it. Period.
I agree though, do your part and let God handle the rest.
Purple
February 22nd, 2012
12:01 pm
Because I have seen both whites and blacks disown biracial people.
Leggs
February 22nd, 2012
12:02 pm
“What race establishes ownership and why?” Whichever race the biracial person cares to adopt. Although you may be biracial, some identifies with their white side exclusively and some identify with their black side. It all depends on the person.
Lady~
February 22nd, 2012
12:02 pm
good point Purp but society sees a man with a black father as a black man right?!?
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
12:04 pm
Barack is my president. The first black president. A black man
Purple
February 22nd, 2012
12:05 pm
Lady, I can’t speak on that all I know is that people are people my parents and family are all foster parents so we had all races living under one roof for as long as I can remember. We are a race called human.
Leggs, I am not buying that because I have seen some lost because they are not accepted by either.
Leggs
February 22nd, 2012
12:05 pm
I’m further kicking myself because I heard her say a “male” artist and not a “female” artist. I would have long had the answer, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I’m searching for a damn black man….strory of my life (lol).
Leggs
February 22nd, 2012
12:06 pm
@Purple ~ that’s part of the picking as well. However, you don’t have to buy it, but it’s true!
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
12:06 pm
Kimmie – True about folks knowing what they’re doing. Like it was said earlier…someone calling foul and saying “he did it….a black man” and later find out it was someone of a different race. That’s because the stereotype of blacks being prone to crime, bad deeds, trifliness (sp), so forth and so on. Hey blame the black man. That’s an easy out.
kimmie - the original :)
February 22nd, 2012
12:06 pm
Purple – Okay, half black then. I’m so not feeling like talking about the one-drop rule today though!
I remember during the 2008 election reading about this woman that said she just couldn’t bring herself to vote for a half black man. Someone told her to vote for his non-black half then!
Lady~
February 22nd, 2012
12:08 pm
Lady~
February 22nd, 2012
12:09 pm
Indeed Purple I totally agree and see your POV!
Exiled!
February 22nd, 2012
12:11 pm
Billy Graham was on some ignorant ish yesterday.
He says Barack’s grand dad was Moslem and Moslems view their progeny as Moslems even if they don’t practice so Barack is Moslem coz they Claim him as such
He needs to know that Kenyans view Barack ad theirs
African Americans view him as one of theirs
White folks view him ad one of theirs
Asians view him as one of theirs
Moslems view him as one of theirs coz of the mum’s travels in the far east and him living in Indonesia
Ignorantly the man(Billy Graham) doesn’t know this!
Obama may be one of the most Universally loved US President in history, beating John F Kennedy and Bill Clinton!
kimmie - the original :)
February 22nd, 2012
12:11 pm
Purple – It’s sad, but that happens quite a bit and not just with black & white. It happens with Asians that mix with other races too, and then they are not accepted by their Asian community. Happens within all races.
It all can be quite complex.
kimmie - the original :)
February 22nd, 2012
12:14 pm
Exiled – That was Franklin Graham, Billy’s son. You would never catch Billy saying such. I respect him, but not Franklin. He’s said some mess like that before about the President. In contrast, Billy has served as a spiritual advisor and counselor to many presidents over the years, but is very frail and sickly right now.
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
12:14 pm
Mmeello – Are you talking the evangelist? Aged Billy Graham? Really? I’m surprised to hear that.
Fion
February 22nd, 2012
12:15 pm
@ Mello
Interesting conversation.
It was Graham’s son. Not Billy. But then again the acron never falls to far from the tree.
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
12:15 pm
Thanks Kimmie….I was thinking that’s out of character for Billy Graham. I truly truly respect him.
Lady~
February 22nd, 2012
12:15 pm
kimmie my social and cultural diversity class was very complex and touchy and I do feel having a black president sets the uncomfortable tone too….we seem to be on egg shells like race or racism is something new…….
disco
February 22nd, 2012
12:15 pm
purple – what race establishes ownership or why? are you serious or are you trying to start something? like kimmie, I won’t get into the one drop rule or the 1/16th rule or any of that. I will say that you’ll likely be judged as what you look like. a biracial man can claim what he wants but that won’t keep the cab drivers from stopping if he looks “dark” or keep him from getting pulled over by certain cops for no reason.
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
12:15 pm
Well I know one thing Andy Stanley is far removed from his father Charles Stanley. I love Charles Stanley
Exiled!
February 22nd, 2012
12:16 pm
as not ad
Infact Africans view Barack as theirs too
I have a pic of Barack Obama sitting on the porch of his grandma’s/aunt African hut in Kenya!
Really nice!
Exiled!
February 22nd, 2012
12:17 pm
Sorry yea the son!
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
12:17 pm
Lady – We’re having the walking on eggshells feeling because folks are gatting brazen and bold like it was in the sixties. All I know is, black folks are different today. It won’t be no running for the hills and hiding.
Okay that was a bit strong and sounded a bit militant but I’m just saying…lol
kimmie - the original :)
February 22nd, 2012
12:17 pm
Celisea – Love Charles Stanley too!
What is it with these sons?LOL!!
Lady~
February 22nd, 2012
12:17 pm
me too C!!!!! Dr Stanley is apart of my childhood roots! yes ma’am!
Lady~
February 22nd, 2012
12:18 pm
C I ambout to call you Aunt C!!!! we are so connected!
Lady~
February 22nd, 2012
12:21 pm
we talked about the Katrina response in class and the racial barriers compared to other natural disasters and it got ugly! ;( lol
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
12:21 pm
Kimmie – He’s a very good teacher…his son is nothing like him. I guess getting all new aged and stuff.
Lady – I’ve been listening to Stanley for I know 10 or 15 years now. I usually listen before getting up going to church on Sundays.
Okay last Sunday (getting up going to church). I listen but I hadn’t been to church in like six months. I know….so bad. Folks starting calling asking where I was. My (fine) SS teacher came by
and one of the deacons called me asked me where I’d been. So that along with strong convictions, I went to church Sunday.
Lady~
February 22nd, 2012
12:23 pm
lol!!!!! SS is some of the best learnings! love it!
Celisea
February 22nd, 2012
12:28 pm
Lady
Lady~
February 22nd, 2012
12:36 pm
C i read a article over the holidays pleading for AA to come back to their roots (the church) seem many have stopped for whatever reason