Too cynical to date?
I’m sure you already know this but there are a lot of bitter single people in this city. After so many dating games and dating misadventures, some people tend to become cynical.
What’s really ironic is when you are lucky enough to meet someone who won’t run game and act shady, what happens? Some people question it!
A guy calls when he says he will, and she wonders if he is too eager. I woman wants to do special things for a guy and suddenly she gets tagged as desperate.
I know we all have some battle scars, but how do we stop being so bitter and cynical about it?
What do you do to stay optimistic and hopeful?
How do you know when to take a risk on someone and still be cautious?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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233 comments Add your comment
Fion
February 21st, 2012
2:28 pm
@ Lady
Man all I’m sayin’ is, I think some of these folk on here need to get a grip.
Just sayin’
Celisea
February 21st, 2012
2:29 pm
Leggs – Thanks
Blackfoote – I think you said it best. The only thing I try and say is that if you continue to relive and redish, it stays on the forefront. You have to find a place (and time) to heal and move one and get over. Yes, people will say it’s time to move on and they may be right in their assessment but really that’s a clock that you’re on when you’re going through it and it’s got to be when you’re right.
I do know though to keep talking about only keep wounds open. Say it to the right folks, get it out, cry do whatever but just make sure you’re moving on.
FTR – It takes me a minute to get over something. I’ve just learned reliving and rehashing is only to my detriment. So I say it…a few times in private and to the right folks…and then I do phase two of trying to let it go.
Lady~
February 21st, 2012
2:30 pm
told you it was all relevant…………………
Lady~
February 21st, 2012
2:30 pm
Ok Fion I see……………;)
Lady~
February 21st, 2012
2:31 pm
meant
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
February 21st, 2012
2:31 pm
I’m sure once or more some of us have felt empty and devoid of feelings when someone we loved/care about jump ship.
Lady~
February 21st, 2012
2:32 pm
@BF I said I have been there done that I know how she feels
Lady~
February 21st, 2012
2:32 pm
but anyway Bluz knows that from me
Willie Dynamite
February 21st, 2012
2:33 pm
Black – I tend to agree with your 2:26. The hard part is when there is no smoking gun. Just the fact that she doesn’t see them happily ever after. Kudos to her for recognizing that but IMO that makes the split that much tougher. Personally I think ol boy knows that and will before all is said and done slice up her heart. I hope I’m wrong
Purple
February 21st, 2012
2:35 pm
Leggs the discolosure statement is beastly!
Bluz I am just saying you are not the norm. Around these parts folks usually only get one day of whining two days max.
Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB
February 21st, 2012
2:37 pm
Bluzgirl…if you don’t mind, answer this, if you do mind, nevermind…
what do you define as 100% commit?…the problem may lay somewhere in this definition
Exiled!
February 21st, 2012
2:37 pm
@Bluz
If u still madly in luv with him,is there any positive u can salvage from the relationship and keep it other than dwelling on the negative of him not committing?
What do u luv bout him?
(serious question)
Does he say he luvs u?
SlimUno
February 21st, 2012
2:39 pm
Purp – So you’re saying she’s reached her Whining limit? Pretty soon those overdraft fees will start kicking in. lol
Bluzgirl
February 21st, 2012
2:42 pm
@WD…this is the hardest split I’ve ever had because it’s not over something really bad and crazy…just that he can’t give me what I want in the long run. He does know that, but I really feel that he will respect me enough to stay gone and give me time to heal. Even though I don’t show it to him, he also knows that he has some power over me because of my feelings…but, he also wants what is best for me and I’m staying tough and not begging, crying, etc for him to come back. I stay strong in the texts back and forth (just finalizing things) and then cry on the side. I will NOT let him see that emotion. He has to know that I’m done.
Purp…I’m sorry if it seems like I’m whining. I’m just kind of writing things out. It actually helps me to get it off my chest. I have a couple of close friends that I do talk to about specific thoughts and feelings…it just feels kind of good to type it out to other people. I tend to write my feelings out better than saying them…
Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB
February 21st, 2012
2:44 pm
EXPECTATIONS-the biggest problem with them is that they are derived from one’s own perspective
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
February 21st, 2012
2:44 pm
WD:
I can really relate, my sister had a thing like this with her EX husband. She saw nothing the family could see nobody could tell her anything. He’d leave, come back and so on, finally till she was stuck in a rut and we had to bail her out.
Leggs
February 21st, 2012
2:45 pm
I have to respect any woman who knows what she’s looking for in a mate and is being true to herself, her wants and her convictions to not stay with a man that in unable to give her what she wants in a relationship. Can’t beat anyone down for standing on their own convictions and not settling simple because she loves someone who clearly doesn’t love her enough to even meet her halfway….
Bluzgirl
February 21st, 2012
2:49 pm
@Jake…I would like to get married one day and he has said that he will never marry again because his previous marriage was a disaster. He also didn’t put me at the top of his priority list in many occasions that he should have. As a musician, I can understand music being number 1, but I should be number 1.5. It’s not just the commitment issues…there are other things, like not considering my feelings about certain things, not being there for me for some big events in my life, and a few others that I don’t really want to discuss. He has a guard on his heart and is not willing to open his heart 100% and until he can do that, he will not be able to have a healthy, happy relationship. There are a lot of things that needed changing and work and I just didn’t see them happening. I put in more work and it should have been more of a mutual thing.
@Ex…he does say that he loves me very much, but he admits that he has a huge guard up and can’t give me what I want. There are so many things I love about him…his personality, his talent, his brain, his humor (he could make me laugh more than anyone), and other stuff…
Fion
February 21st, 2012
2:51 pm
@Celisea
just simply saying let Bluzgirl say what she has to say. You don’t have to like it, but in the name of “holy shock and Aw” let her say it.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
February 21st, 2012
2:51 pm
Bluz:
No way am I saying you will be in a rut, what I mean by rut is the man left her 3 children, a house she couldn’t afford herself and damaged esteem. I certainly hope none of this happens to you or any one else.
Leggs
February 21st, 2012
2:52 pm
@BF ~ I think I’m somewhat empty or devoid of feeling right about now. This guy who has asked me out on numerous occasions asked me out again last night. He said I don’t appear interested. Hell, not my fault if you don’t hear what I’m saying. He said he’ll put “the ball in my court” and when I’m ready to go out to let him know. I replied “don’t put the ball in my court cuz it will only deflate.” Damn, read the writing on the wall….
Bluzgirl
February 21st, 2012
2:52 pm
@Leggs…it’s been a long road for me to get to this point to be able to push aside someone who is not giving me what I want and need. All of my friends and family are telling me how proud they are of me for having the strength to give up someone who I love, but know I don’t have a future with. In the past, I have just stuck it out until it got nasty and I really got hurt…Now, I’ve learned to value myself more and go after what I want…
Purple
February 21st, 2012
2:52 pm
Slim, LOL yes.
Bluz, don’t take it personal I am just being me. You are a woman so I guess you can whine and work it out. I think you should work it out and that is out of the norm for me.
Celisea
February 21st, 2012
2:52 pm
Leggs – I feel you on that 2:45. Have know when to fold, when to stay, when to walk, when to run.
Expectations are your perceptions true, but it’s you that have to live with not feeling like things are not adequate if you going in getting all that you want/expect. That just makes for a situation waiting to go bad and folks becoming resentful because they settled in not getting what they expected.
Celisea
February 21st, 2012
2:55 pm
Fion – I’m not sure why you’re talking to me about Bluzgirl, I’ve seen many take jabs and pokes in the name of fun at this…her…the very same situation. Frankly I’ve held back so not seem insensitive. I say be the hell done with it already. She’s not me though and like I stated it’s got to be done on her time. I get that and understand that.
Too buddy I haven’t been divorced so get your facts straight before you evily fixate on me or a person.
SlimUno
February 21st, 2012
2:55 pm
Yall know we are moving into the break up season because the weather will start to get warmer, we’ll have sunnier days which makes folks want to come out of hiding and out of their clothes. Let the saga begin!
Leggs
February 21st, 2012
2:55 pm
I feel ya, PR. Got it loud and clearly. At least you tried and didn’t sit around “wondering if” like so many people.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
February 21st, 2012
2:57 pm
LOL…..@Leggs
Not buying I have never seen that in you.
Leggs
February 21st, 2012
2:58 pm
“I would like to get married one day and he has said that he will never marry again because his previous marriage was a disaster.” – STOP, HOLD THE PRESS !
How long into the relationship did you find this out. First day, first week, first month???
Leggs
February 21st, 2012
3:00 pm
@Bluz ~ that is all I’m saying. I can’t jump on you for recognizing…some never recognize and ride it out on a horse named Misery.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
February 21st, 2012
3:01 pm
Slim1:
I’ve always wondered if women knew that a sunny warm season meant bye- bye. I guess I know now……..LOL
Celisea
February 21st, 2012
3:02 pm
I’m ready for a bit of warm weather myself. I say that lightly because it only stays warm for a hot minute before it becomes unbearably hot
Celisea
February 21st, 2012
3:03 pm
What happened to disco?
I’m ready to go.
I love short weeks.
Leggs
February 21st, 2012
3:03 pm
Ok, ok, I’m not void of feeling (lol). My bucket is low on tolerance. We make time for those we want to make time for. Never realized how many ways there is to tell a person “No thanks, I’m not interested!” I hope me deflating the ball drives home the point ( I doubt it).
Willie Dynamite
February 21st, 2012
3:04 pm
Slim – My wolf buddy was just saying the same thing last night. He said it never fails that from Valentines Day to Easter is like a brand new season. Just tell me you still booed up.
Leggs
February 21st, 2012
3:05 pm
Since we didn’t have a winter, get ready for a blazing summer.
Celisea
February 21st, 2012
3:05 pm
It’s gonna snow
Celisea
February 21st, 2012
3:05 pm
I’ve only worn my coat once this winter…
Bluzgirl
February 21st, 2012
3:05 pm
@Leggs…I found that out after we had already fallen in love. I kept hoping he would change his mind (dumb, I know). He would dangle the carrot, though, and sometimes say that maybe in the far future he would consider it. He once said that he doesn’t want to marry anyone, but he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I even said I would settle for a “commitment ceremony.” He said the main reason he didn’t want to marry again was the government involvement and paperwork, so I brought up the commitment ceremony because it’s just an exchanging of rings in front of our friends and family without the actual filing. I would have settled for that, but he wasn’t feeling it.
disco
February 21st, 2012
3:06 pm
purple – re the whining. I co-sign.
bluzgirl – child please.
Celisea
February 21st, 2012
3:06 pm
When it snows I hope I’m snowed in….
Celisea
February 21st, 2012
3:06 pm
Bam…love it…lol
Celisea
February 21st, 2012
3:07 pm
What say your whining ass now? LOL
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
February 21st, 2012
3:07 pm
Cely:
Right it’s too hot here in the little A. I remember the days the fire dept. would come around and open up the fire hydrants. They don’t do that too much anymore out of fear of starting a riot or gangland thugs taking over.
Celisea
February 21st, 2012
3:07 pm
Not you Bluzgirl…
Celisea
February 21st, 2012
3:08 pm
Blackfoote – I soooo remember the hydrants being turned on. Man oh man that was the best thing ever for cooling off. Just jumped out there
Celisea
February 21st, 2012
3:09 pm
I imagine someone would call the folks if it happened now.
Willie Dynamite
February 21st, 2012
3:13 pm
Cel – our snow guess might be right. You know we good to get a couple of inches Mid/late March out of the blue.
SlimUno
February 21st, 2012
3:13 pm
BF – Yeah, some of us already know how it goes down. It really became evident when just even this week, the calls and texts started trickling in. lol
WD – I plead the 1, 2 3 foe FIFTH lol Let me just say, we are in a transitional period at the moment.
Leggs
February 21st, 2012
3:14 pm
@Bluz ~ ok, about how long were you into the relationship when the two of you fell in love (probably not falling at the same time)?