Do you only date smart people?
One of my guy friends decided that he is done dating smart women. His last three girlfriends were very intelligent and according to him, “too complicated” to date. So now he is dabbling in the less intelligent dating pool. I have no idea how he finds dumb women, but he seems to be on a mission.
It made me think about the arguments I have had with him about “dumbing yourself down” in order to attract a certain type. I am against playing to a stereotype to get a guy that wants someone with no brain. At some point, the truth will come out so what is the point, right?
I don’t know why some people believe that dating someone less intelligent then you are is “easier” though, am I missing something?
Although I have a thing for nerdy guys and men who are smart, I don’t know if I have always dated smart men. I have dated some idiots, though.
Do you only date smart people?
Guys, do you ever think that some women are too smart to date?
Ladies, do you think that you get more attention when you downplay your intelligence?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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157 comments Add your comment
Lily
February 20th, 2012
7:24 am
I date the person I’m attracted to and “dumb” certainly doesn’t fit. And in order to land a date I’m not going to dumb down all in the name of……
I would advise that you best attract by just being yourself.
WiseDiva, your friend sounds shallow. Maybe it’s really easy he’s looking for.
Mr. Unknown
February 20th, 2012
8:49 am
Good Morning,
Guys, do you ever think that some women are too smart to date? Yep!! I think “too complicated” was code for combative, ms. I know everything, wears her college degree on her chest like a blue ribbon, debates every point like its life or death. I don’t think dumbing yourself down is the answer, personally change maybe a good start. I love an intelligent woman but too much of anything gets old at some point.
“WiseDiva, your friend sounds shallow. Maybe it’s really easy he’s looking for.” He’s not shallow, he just understands the characteristics that he is no longer attracted too. Nothing wrong with that, Kudos to him.
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
9:08 am
Good morning.
I will date that person I’m attracted to and who’s attracted to me. If we have difficulty communicating/debating, it simply means we aren’t compatible. Not necessarily that I’m too smart for him or he’s to smart for me, we simply don’t jive together. I won’t dumb myself down. There’s a lot I don’t know and open to learn, but I won’t pretend to act dumb when I in fact am knowledgeable just to get him to date me.
@MrU ~ must admit I thought WD’s friend may find getting to the panties a little more complicated with the smart women he’s encountered. Some don’t want to actually sit and talk and converse on varying topics and engage in constant stimulating conversation. Some just want small talk, show a little interest and bunny hop through the rest of the night without much effort. Perhaps he doesn’t want to sweat as much as he’s been sweating to get to the goods.
Lily
February 20th, 2012
9:09 am
Mr. Unknown, it’s just dating. Wise Diva’s friend can just move on. To state that every experience was a train wreck of because each woman was too intelligent, yet him being the common demoninator is clearly indicative that he should at least consider looking within for the source of the problem.
Well at least it’s not a situation of him wanting easy cake and eating it too. How often does that happen??? We all know men blame women when that don’t go as easily as they’d like…lol Just glad we have a different scenario today than that. As we all know that happens on a regular.
Mike P
February 20th, 2012
9:19 am
Good Morning,
I think there’s a difference between smart and “too educated.” Perhaps WD’s friend is tired of dating those women who are too educated for they’re own good. These women are so educated, independent, and some are well-accomplished, but they’re too insecure within themselves that they have to throw their degrees around like its suppose to mean something to the relationship. It is these same women who are soooo smart, you can’t tell them anything.
Biased Disclaimer: I am sure that there are men who do the same to women but I don’t date men so I can’t comment on that.
Lily
February 20th, 2012
9:21 am
@Leggs…..that’s exactly what I was thinking.
I’ll try until the end to at least remain friends. Nothing at that point to do wit still trying to make things work. But if a man just pout and refuses to see or acknowledge or even attempt to understand that dating is not about solely one person and how it benefits them alone and I become the blame or considered too smart or too combative all because they’re unwilling to see what’s best for both parties, I’m okay with that. I can walk away knowing it wasn’t about being too this that or the other but rather an unwillingness to be centered.
kimmie - the original :)
February 20th, 2012
9:26 am
Morning All!
There are a lot of ways to look at this. Are we talking book-smart or street/common sense-smart? There is a difference. I’m with Leggs – sounds like he was getting tired of having to work for the panties. They probably called him on his BS, which I think is hilarious!! Let him go on and find a dim bulb! He’ll have issue with that too – then those women will bore him and he’ll complain they are too easy!! Good luck with all of that! Funny – instead of getting the panties, he got his in a wad!!
Date the one you are compatible with and have something in common with! Sure no one likes a show-off, even just for a friend.
I’ve always liked my men intelligent, book & streetwise. That’s a winning combo. The most attractive thing is confidence in his own abilities. Men who are truly confident in themselves love and are not intimidated by intelligent women. That’s perfect for me!!
Have a great day gang!!!
Compatibility is the Answer
February 20th, 2012
9:28 am
After being out of touch with a previous “boyfriend”, I thought it wouldn’t hurt to get to know him and possibly get reacquainted when our paths crossed a few years ago. It didn’t take long for me to realize that he wasn’t the “smartest” person I’d ever dated and although we are both in education, it was extremely difficut to have a conversation related to current day issues. He didn’t have a clue, maybe because he worked with severely/profoundly disabled students as a “career paraprofessional”, (I hold a Masters in Nonprofit Management with a concentration in Organizational Development (specializing in Education), my Capstone Project was the completion of a Charter School Development Guidebook). To say the least, he never really understood anything I ever tried to have a conversation about with him, i.e. charter schools, standardized testing, etc. It was awful, he didn’t own a computer nor a cell phone and although he was a type of “educator”, he had no clue about much of what was going on in today’s field of education. Needless to say, nothing ever came of the reuniting. I would never date anyone that could not provide intellectual stimulation as a part of our relationship.
SlimUno
February 20th, 2012
9:29 am
Morning all,
I’m with Leggs, not going to dumb myself down to stroke the ego of another who obviously has issues with a woman that may be knowledgeable on certain topics. I’ve never had an issue with being a know-it-all so not much to add to the topic other than no one really likes an arrogant, can’t tell them nothing kinda person. Life is already a struggle or battle, why do I then want to come home to fight yo ass too
woosah
kimmie - the original :)
February 20th, 2012
9:31 am
Wise – Now you know this is the perfect woman-bashing topic, don’t you?
It’s gonna bring out all the panty-wearing dudes that can’t keep up! LOL!!
Mr. Unknown
February 20th, 2012
9:38 am
Watered down version of my first statement. Guys don’t want to know how smart you are, it should be understood through great “easy” flowing conversation. Some people make it a point to highlight their best attributes, whether its on a physical or showing that your well read. Now when that highlight becomes a billboard then it becomes a turn-off.
@ lily I hear you but he was talking about 3 people that he built a relationship with not a casual date. He recognizes traits that are no longer a fit for him, he is not looking for the easy lay, but an actual relationship that he doesn’t have to sacrifice his happiness for.
disco
February 20th, 2012
9:40 am
good morning y’all. why do I always have to bring up relativity? I guess because relativity is relevant. smart to one may not be so smart to another. while I’m a firm believer that everyone knows something that you don’t know it still helps that they know something that I find interesting (the compatibility issue that others brought up). if a fellow shines with sports stats, that won’t really turn me on. if he can name every jet beauty of the week for the past 20 years, can’t say that turns me on either. I love a man who can answer “have you read any good books lately” with the name of an actual book title as opposed to I only read magazines and the sports pages. that certainly doesn’t make the book reader smarter than the magazine reader – just shows different interests. I don’t even believe that the man who went to college is necessary smarter than the man who didn’t. just means he made different choices and had different opportunities.
like a few others – I wonder if he was seeking a “dumber” woman or an “easier” woman. not every man loves a challenge. some prefer the path of least resistance.
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
9:47 am
LOLOLOL…..Are you kidding me?
I’m with everyone that said it was just too much in not getting easy panties. Bottom line. WD says it the same issue for three women. Three? I’d venture to say he just struck out….all three times. It was him not them.
Anything worth having and to be treasured is worth the effort.
He’s lazy and looking for the easy. I’m not going drop it down a notch either just because you can’t keep up or don’t what it takes.
Lily
February 20th, 2012
9:54 am
@Mr. Unknown….Correction Three woman where it just didn’t happen so easily. Let’s say he lost an attraction for easy and what no doubt did go off as I’m sure he imagined. Every woman has a right to require standards. If that’s too much, let’s call for what it is but let’s not blame.
kimmie - the original :)
February 20th, 2012
9:55 am
Celisea – I was cracking up too when I read the topic! I was wondering was Wise really kidding!LOL!!
SlimUno
February 20th, 2012
9:58 am
When I read the topic I initially thought, well this is stupid…but I’m not a guy so maybe this is actually an issue in the dating realm of a dude. I’ve never had to ponder if I wanted to date a dumb guy over a smart one. Most guys I even consider dating are fairly educated & knowledgeable.
kimmie - the original :)
February 20th, 2012
10:00 am
Slim – Poor things, I really feel sorry for them.
Mike P
February 20th, 2012
10:00 am
Mr. Unknown: I agree with your 9:38 am post; The way I read WD’s friend. It didn’t read like it was a casual dating thing but what the man desired in a long-term relationship with one woman. We talking what’s acceptable in terms of personality.
Audra
February 20th, 2012
10:01 am
I can’t date a dumb man. Period.
If we can’t have an intellectual conversation, it is over. On the other hand, there are some dudes who are so insecure that they throw their intelligence, knowledge, and education around. You feel like you’re constantly trying to keep up while they nit-pick over some minute point. I hate that too. There’s gotta be a balance. I don’t like under-educated or dumb, but arrogant isn’t my style either. I see men saying basically the same thing on here – just be smart and be who you are, but don’t wear it like a badge of honor or think it is part of the EMOTIONAL aspects of a relationship! In other words, know when to let it go!
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
10:05 am
Kimme – I know right. There will always be those selfish lazy folks wanting something for nothing. It just strikes me how some people can see all that’s wrong the other party and no matter what, will NEVER see how their actions or the lack thereof contributes.
Sometimes you have to leave that kind to believing they are right, leave them thinking you’re wrong and let them move on to find that easy that solely fits them……no consideration for the other party. Simetimes folks thrive in that “it’s my world only” mentality. Leave them be.
disco
February 20th, 2012
10:06 am
okay. here’s a dumb moment. not a grown man dumb moment but a dumb moment just the same. my teenage nephew was visiting last summer. I told him to get the milk out of the refrigerator. dude goes to the fridge, stands there, looks around and then declares there isn’t any milk in there. now I know good and darned well there’s milk because I anticipated having him and another little cousin at my house. anyway, when I pointed out the big A gallon milk jug his response was “oh. our milk looks different at home”. I’m like dude a gallon jug is a gallon jug is a gallon jug and even if it’s not do you not spell milk the same way at home? I gave that boy grief behind that. our milk looks different. dumb.
czBrat
February 20th, 2012
10:07 am
HiYas!
dumbing down to impress a dude is something you might feel the need to do when you’re kinda young and insecure yourself. you want to make that dude feel like he’s really shining in your eyes. no harm; no foul.
but for grown folk, just be the true you. whether that be dumb as a box of rocks or sky-high IQ the people you pair up with along the way will either keep up or keep moving.
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
10:10 am
Dating or relationship doesn’t matter. I’m still wondering how you find three woman repeating the same exact mistakes and rather than ask yourself the question you venture into the “dumb” arena without ever asking yourself once if it could possibly be you.
kimmie - the original :)
February 20th, 2012
10:12 am
Audra/others – I observe too often that people tend to make snap judgements about people and put thme in a catagory before they even get to know them. Sometimes, women that are highly educated and professionally successful get labeled with the stereotype that they are hard to deal with and can’t leave work at work and are arrogant and confrontational and difficult. So, a guy decides to date such a woman, but anything she does he has it in his head the stereotype. She might just be voicing her opinion about something, but he’ll twist it around and say she being bossy and combative.
It’s a no-win and not fair. Be confident in yourself and what you have to offer. Stop putting others down for your percieved shortcomings. She’s probably not the one that’s insecure – you are!
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
10:13 am
Mr. Unknown and Mike P are pointing relationship rather than dating….IMO that’s even worse.
Mr. Unknown
February 20th, 2012
10:18 am
Oh well.. In one ear out the other, I guess. One-sided thought process and Im seeing way to many exclamation points being used. lol I have to step out but will return for a brief minute today. @Mike P Pretty much..
Exiled!
February 20th, 2012
10:21 am
Good morning!
Ladies be4 u spend ur energies bashing WD’s friend,did u read Compatibility’s response on 9:28?
She goes to town telling strangers about her degrees before we even ask her for it. Instead of explaining something and mentioning it in passing she has to go to town explaining her accomplishments. It’s impressive but I wasn’t impressed!
My point? There are real people like that!
You go to some convention maybe of like minded people and I meet somebody who is All about themselves. That is what this guy may have come across.
However,I also think that the strategy was wrong if All he was looking for was a ’smart’ woman.
‘Smart’ is relative and like most of u indicated, of which I agree,date the one you are attracted to.
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
10:26 am
I’m still asking….three woman/relationships?? No matter, after three he needs to do some self reflection and ask himself if that’s REALLY what was happening. Maybe it was the reverse. Maybe he was dumb and couldn’t keep up.
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
10:27 am
Here’s another dumb moment, disco. Just yesterday ex came over to see his child. We started talking about nothing of significance when he asked if she was out of school tomorrow (today). I said yes. He then asked if she was also out of school this past Friday. Again I said yes. He then drove us to get some pizza and during the drive he asked HER if she was out Friday. I turned and said “you already asked me this and I said she was.” He turns and stares at me saying to me “this is a conversation between me and my daughter!” It took every grain of might to not cuss is stupid a$$ out in front of his child. I tsk, tsk, tsk all the way to the pizza shop.
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
10:43 am
Ok, I went off topic, didn’t mean to stop the convo. sorry.
disco
February 20th, 2012
10:45 am
celisea – I wondered along those lines as well. perhaps the guy is self important and considers himself smart and feels like these chicks are even smarter than he is which he can’t handle. OR he’s not as smart as he thinks he is and these chicks make him painfully aware of it.
leggs – could be dumb moment or could be he just didn’t have a daggone thing to talk to the child about which is even worse.
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
10:49 am
disco – Just makes me wonder.
abc
February 20th, 2012
10:55 am
When I was a very young man, and concerned with such matters in choosing who to date, when I’d have a choice of dating a smart girl or a dumb girl, I would consistently choose the one with the biggest teeots.
Just sayin… for young guys, relative intelligence doesn’t much matter. As I’ve grown (ahem) more mature, I find that I just don’t know hardly any people who aren’t quite intelligent. My wife is a big-brain, and very creative. I value that highly.
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
10:58 am
@abc ~ I’m going to take your presence right now as a small omen. I’ve decided to play 123 or 132 this week. Meaning, I’ve always looked at your moniker as 123.
disco
February 20th, 2012
11:01 am
okay since we are lagging off on dumb chicks. did anyone watch the Bernie mac special last night? I will say that because I’ve never seen charlie’s angels I kept wondering what Cameron diaz was doing on the show.
Robert
February 20th, 2012
11:03 am
“Guys, do you ever think that some women are too smart to date? ”
This is a very good question. We live in a society where women have access to technology (cell phones, ipads, etc.) which means they think they are smarter because they can stay in touch with their social media sites (facebook, etc.) as well as the cell phone gadgets loaded with all the latest apps. on the market today. Information at the speed of light only make them feel smarter but are they really smarter? NO. It reminds me of people who never read (books, newspapers, etc.) but always know what is going on in the world. Technology in the hands of “nosey-rosey’s” does not make them smarter. There is an old saying that “it is not good to know everything about everybody” which I agree. Is the smartest, savvy, woman in the room college or internet educated?
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
11:10 am
“…where women have access to technology (cell phones, ipads, etc.) which means they think they are smarter because they can stay in touch with their social media sites (facebook, etc.) as well as the cell phone gadgets loaded with all the latest apps. on the market today = this is the dumbest statement of the morning.
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
11:12 am
We’re talking about intelligence, and I figured it was implied, women with both book smart and street smart not computer app smart. Talking about belittling the intelligence of women to the fact that one carries a “smart” phone is, how does Mike Tyson calls itl, LUDIC ROUS and a blatant slur!
Exiled!
February 20th, 2012
11:13 am
Robert?
Robert?
I think u really went off a cliff there!
In college the professor would simy scribble across ur composition top page,’Off topic’ without grading it.
disco
February 20th, 2012
11:15 am
Robert – huh??? really? access to information doesn’t make a person smart though there is something to be said for knowing where to find the answers that one needs. I’ve witnessed folks who couldn’t pass an open book/open note test which indicates that access to information alone isn’t always enough. technology has it’s place but it doesn’t replace a person’s mind and their own abilities.
czBrat
February 20th, 2012
11:27 am
I’ve witnessed folks who couldn’t pass an open book/open note test
just oh my!
Willie Dynamite
February 20th, 2012
11:31 am
Morning All,
I can only give my take on the subject as I am not keenly aware of how others relate or deal with the subject. I need to be able to have a somewhat intelligent conversation about a variety of topics to keep me interested. I will however admit to (dumbing it down) just to get some. I mean of course I can listen to your take on kesha and nem for a brief moment while I keep staring at your bitties. But to be honest its not going to keep me for anytime longer than tonight.
disco
February 20th, 2012
11:41 am
willie d – don’t sleep on ghetto. have you ever heard hood folks drop knowledge? it might be entertaining to listen to but sometimes they hit on something. of course, sometimes you sit there looking at them like WTF is he/she talking about but still….
SlimUno
February 20th, 2012
11:41 am
Ex – I so needed you comment about the teachers comment at the top of a paper in red, Off topic.
A guy friend of mine and his son were having a debate of what the gymnastic floors are made out of. He said they didn’t have springs, but was merely foam cushion. The son and I said the floor had springs underneath. So I use my phone to look it up and come to find out we were all right…Plywood floor, with foam cushion and springs. Does that make us all pretty darn app smart or what?
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
11:55 am
@SlimU – had to ask my boss to stop making his comments in red, as well as his edits.
Willie Dynamite
February 20th, 2012
11:57 am
Disco – I definitely understand that scenario unfolding exactly like that.
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
12:00 pm
@disco/WillieD ~ heck, it happens here (re 11:41).
kimmie - the original :)
February 20th, 2012
12:03 pm
Robert – Your post sounds like one of those dudes that can’t keep up!
kimmie - the original :)
February 20th, 2012
12:10 pm
I notice some people have a chip on their shoulders about people who have accomplished something they have not, such as attaining a college degree. Like I spoke of before, they form an opinion right off the bat without even getting to know a person.
I have a friend that does that. If she finds out a guy has a degree and/or works a white-collar job, she starts to feel that she’s not good enough. She has completed 2 years of college and had every opportunity to finish up the 4 years, but allowed herself to be sidetracked. I’ve told her if she wants to complete her education – she will. Otherwise, it her own personal issue – not the men.
Zedd
February 20th, 2012
12:13 pm
WD- Do you know the difference between “then” and “than”?
“I don’t know why some people believe that dating someone less intelligent then you are is “easier” though, am I missing something? “
SlimUno
February 20th, 2012
12:17 pm
had to ask my boss to stop making his comments in red, as well as his edits
Leggs – Did it make you feel like you were 12 again when he did that? lol
disco
February 20th, 2012
12:18 pm
kimmie – oooh. you bringing up the envy/jealousy issue. it’s real but most folks don’t like to own it which makes it very interesting to witness. I have a friend who is 40+. she doesn’t even have her GED. she works as a security guard and has held the same job for many, many years. she often expresses to me that she feels inadequate (not so much envious) in certain company. in particular around some of the folks that I might have over at a party or something who have more education, “better” jobs than she does. I’m constantly reassuring her that I don’t judge my friends that way and that I won’t tolerate it on my watch/in my home. still, I think for the most part she’s content with her station in life. goodness knows I’ve offered several times over the years to help her study for the GED test but I don’t think it matters much to her.
Designated Switch Hitter
February 20th, 2012
12:25 pm
If I limited myself to only dating “Smart People,” I would have to abandon women altogether and move over to the American League (aka Midtown Waiter Island).
kimmie - the original :)
February 20th, 2012
12:28 pm
disco – You see EXACTLY what I’m talking about! And same with me – none of my family and friends that are around when she’s over treat her any different. I don’t put on airs and don’t deal with folks that do. Even the few family members that try it get shot down and quickly are told their ish stank just like everyone elses!
If something is important to you, you pursue it no matter what obstacles are put in your way. I’m not talking about those that have not had the opportunity. She saw me working 2 jobs and going to grad school at night. Sure it was times I’d rather had been partying and running around with some dude, like she was. She made her choices, I made mine. She must be happy with where she is, because if she was not, she would do something about it.
Mike P
February 20th, 2012
12:34 pm
here’s how it is for some (not all) guys,
have fun with a girl (short-time only): okay to dumb down.
have relationship with a girl (long-term): not okay to dumb down.
+++in relationship, determine educational attitude of girl = she beats you over the head with her books (metaphor),
Yes = then dump her like an outdated set of 1990 encyclopedia books, baggage and all.
No = she’s cool, enter into deeper relationship with her.
simple, what’s to wonder??
disco
February 20th, 2012
12:36 pm
I’m sorry. I can’t seem to wrap my mind around a man dumbing down. I understand the concept of women doing it. I almost don’t even see the purpose for a man to do it. if he feels a chick is smarter than he is, then there’s no need. if he feels the chick is dumber than he is it would seem like there would be benefit in his being smarter. men help me out. what is this male dumb down???
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
12:39 pm
@SlimNu ~ no doubt. I felt like I was being chastised on the job with those stern exclamation points behind his condescending comments.
“…but I don’t think it matters much to her – then someone is lying to themselves because you also said she feels “inadequate in certain company.”
kimmie - the original :)
February 20th, 2012
12:39 pm
disco – Me either – when would it ever be an advantage for a man to dumb down? Don’t get it.
kimmie - the original :)
February 20th, 2012
12:44 pm
Leggs – A lot of people want to complain and moan and whine, but don’t have the drive to do something about their situation. The only time it seems to matter to my friend is when she’s feeling intimidated by those better educated or when she’s wanting to apply for a job that requires a degree. Then I hear the complaining.
Exiled!
February 20th, 2012
12:45 pm
Disco?
where is ur confusion aka dumping down?
Men do it for the same reasons women do?
Consider a high profile,educated,older chic that’s busy and has no need for a relationship except for an occasional romp to cream and wet the honey pot…
she may just look for the nearest boy toy that doesn’t add anything of value to her other than that his stamina is top notch.
After a session,she dismisses him.
A man could have similar requirements and decides along the same lines.
Ehhh do I answer u question?
disco
February 20th, 2012
12:48 pm
exiled – NO. you didn’t. if an old head chick is seeking a young buck then she’s seeking a young buck. smart one or dumb one probably makes no never mind. I could even kind of see a smart man ignoring the fact that he’s with a dumb woman to get some but that (to me) is not the same as dumbing down.
Willie Dynamite
February 20th, 2012
12:49 pm
Ladies- Yall are too smart for your own good. hahaha
I personally don’t undertand the dumbing down for the Long Term cause it just wont last imo. BUT, really are yall confused as to why a dude would do it at all?
If Kimmie’s friend has a self envy/jealousy problem plus a phat azz and tig o bitties then I certainly won’t place my degree(s) at the forefront of the conversation. I mean short term it doesn’t matter if i can pontificate on the mid-term elections and the role the Tea-Party played in the results. I’m smart enough to know if this fine azz in front of me has a problem with Kesha nem then of course its on.
Exiled!
February 20th, 2012
12:49 pm
Dumping down is getting somebody who ain’t ur equivalent mentally,Right?
@Disco?
Exiled!
February 20th, 2012
12:50 pm
It’s getting one kinda lower u Right?
Mike P
February 20th, 2012
12:51 pm
@disco: i’m liking your 12:18 pm post, I have a dear friend who is just like the woman you’re describing there.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
February 20th, 2012
12:52 pm
I’m not speaking for any person other than myself, I assume everybody has some type of intelligence until they speak. Doesn’t matter to me how smart you are academically. I like people who are respectful, folks of this nature come aross as smart to me.
Good Afternoon: It’s been a while.
disco
February 20th, 2012
12:53 pm
Ex – no. for me (and I think a lot of women here) dumbing down is when you deny your own intelligence in order to make the man feel smarter. it’s when you act all “dingbat/dumb blonde”. it’s when you pretend you don’t know the answers or when you act like you can’t do something. it’s selling yourself out just for the benefit of the other person’s ego.
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
12:54 pm
I think the example WillieD mentioned would probably be the scenario. Maybe not so much dumbing down but playing along. IMO dating seem so much easier for men more so than women (I could be wrong) because of the emotional weight women carry. Thus I never get all the whining from some of the men.
disco
February 20th, 2012
12:55 pm
mike – and I’m sure you accept your dear friend just as he/she is. like I said earlier, different people made different choices and had different opportunities. at the end of the day, no one is any better than anyone else (though some folks love to act like it. heck, I’ve been guilty of it myself).
Mike P
February 20th, 2012
12:58 pm
@Exiled!: Yes and no, for guys… dumbing down means dating someone who’s “dumber” than what you actually would find in a date. but for women, dumbing down means to “act” dumb. which personally i dont like at all.
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
12:59 pm
WillieD – Just seeing your 12:49
I get it but like I said and really either gender dumbing down is playing along but for different reasons.
Exiled!
February 20th, 2012
1:00 pm
@Disco?
It’s the same!
The thing is,a man will do the same thing,depending on the company of said woman because for a man,it’s what his intention is that counts.
If he is in the company of a not so smart chic but that has physical qualities that are desirable he is going to act along with her air headedness just so he can do the job.
It’s All about a man’s intent.
That power of the puddy u were talking bout last week makes a man do and talk dump stuff with a dummy woman!
Mike P
February 20th, 2012
1:01 pm
@disco: Yup! I tell her all the time, its just a piece of paper when you really think about it. the degree I mean.
Willie Dynamite
February 20th, 2012
1:04 pm
Cel – good way to put it @12:59
Exiled!
February 20th, 2012
1:06 pm
Disco?
U are a woman
U don’t understand how we men improperly elevate the sweetness of a beautiful or well endowed(physically) woman’s puddy ,never mind the emptyiness of her brains!
Velonese
February 20th, 2012
1:17 pm
Hey now, I dumb myself down to destroy those that like to take advantage of others. I’m the cookie that breaks your teeth when you try to bite it (making fun of the easy cookie quote).
Willie Dynamite
February 20th, 2012
1:19 pm
I am far beyond the dumbing down for some puddy. i understand and recognize when its happening. I truly relish being involved in a mentally stimulating conversation. I like talking to women, period. Give me a chick that is wonderful to talk with AND to look at and I’m happy.
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
1:32 pm
WillieD – yep
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
1:34 pm
Ummm Velonese that was lame….lol You don’t strike me as knee slapping
The World of Sex for Monday February 20, 2012 | The Blog of MalibuErotica.com
February 20th, 2012
1:53 pm
[...] Hey Dummy, look at what we found. [...]
disco
February 20th, 2012
2:06 pm
well ex – on the male dumb down issue we are going to have to agree to disagree. I don’t think it’s the same thing. I can get with mike p’s theory but I’m not feeling yours at all.
Exiled!
February 20th, 2012
2:17 pm
Disco..I like to beat the horse dead myself..so here go:
Take Mike P’s or ur point..if a woman acts dumb for the guy…is the guy wiser than her or he is Dummer than her?
I take it she is putting down her own intelligence just so she can get along with this ‘ fool’..that’s supposedly beneath her…
well I guess coz she likes him
Tell me the difference with a guy doing same for whatever reason
If u wrong u owe me some if Iam wrong I owe some!
Win win!
disco
February 20th, 2012
2:25 pm
well since it’s slow and for argument’s sake I’ll say that if a woman plays dumb the man is wiser than she is. not necessarily because he’s wise but because I feel like any woman that’s willing to play dumb might as well be dumb. (stupid is as stupid does…)
I can’t tell you the difference about a guy doing the same thing because I can’t even imagine a scenario where a guy does the same thing. really if a guy being dumb is a turnoff can you imagine how much of a turnoff a guy playing dumb is? the closest I can think of in comparison for a guy is perhaps a guy letting a woman win. when I say let a woman win I mean physical contests. not saying he lets her win at scrabble or something but he lets her think she can outrun him or beat him at pool or something. still, even that’s not really the same.
win/win? lose/lose?
KizzyCool
February 20th, 2012
2:30 pm
Hey folks.
Every person that has to stand on the mountaintop and announce their esteemed level of higher intellect isn’t always the smartest person in the room.
I see it all the time in folks who try to so hard to come across as so well educated, but continually mispronounce and misuse words and can’t conjugate a verb to save life.
So, it could be that buddy has been meeting women who possess a level of intellect that makes him *feel* inferior.
And regardless, the person that is right for you is right for you. They will not be “too complicated.” so, suffice to say, he has not met the woman that is right for him. Next….
disco
February 20th, 2012
2:34 pm
I’ve got a friend. we’ve been tight since childhood. that girl can tear up a word. think archie bunker. you know how archie would use the wrong word but you knew what he meant? my friend does that all the time. I used to correct her but I’ve long since learned to just let it ride.
SlimUno
February 20th, 2012
2:35 pm
Yall are making my head spin with the whole debate on a man playing dumb vs a woman doing it. Either way, it’s a misrepresentation of who they really are…playing a role trying to garner a certain outcome to fulfill their motive.
SEE
February 20th, 2012
2:36 pm
I figured it would be like this, (sigh). All these women commenting on how “smart” they are. When I first met my husband, I thought I was smarter than him. After all, I’m the one with the master’s degree…he barely made it through graduate school. After years of marriage, I realize that in the “real” world, he’s the survivor and I’m NOT!!! When our heater goes down, I stand there like a dork while he fixes it…and he doesn’t have an HVAC degree. When our faucet starts spouting water…I’m the one holding the flashlight while he gets in there, finds the problem, and has it fixed in less than 2 hours. And no, he doesn’t have a plumbing degree either. He can re-wire our electrical system just by reading a book that I can’t even begin to understand. No matter what the problem, erosion in our backyard, floundering foundation, car alternator needing replacing…he finds a solution just by looking at it and figuring it out.
I think the problem of many women is that they believe in only one kind of smart…academic smarts. In my experience, women tend to be more language oriented, (i.e. reading, writing, verbal communication). These are typically men’s weak areas. Men tend to shine in areas involving hands-on problem-solution types of activities. Needless to say, a woman who wants to spend all her time “conversing” is going to become boring to a man who wants to do more activities. Want to interest a man, have a date where you both make a complicated dinner dish. You find as men work with their hands more, they converse more. Men don’t want stupid women…they want a woman to understand them.
disco
February 20th, 2012
2:43 pm
slim – but countless women still fake the big Os. (yeah. I opened that can of worms).
see – I previously stated that everyone knows something that you don’t know. you get half credit for your post but I recommend that women learn how to do some things too. if there’s a man around to fix things that’s great but if not you might want to know your way around a tool box and have some basic maintenance skills. and besides, not every man is a handy man.
Exiled!
February 20th, 2012
2:47 pm
Disco?
And a man can do the same,play dum to a chic that’s wise but wants some control or had some control and the man is doing it simply to ward off disagreements,be agreeable with her viewpoint(u know how some women are too emotional if/when contradicted),the sole reason being,he wants something out of it..an ulterior motive.
Exiled!
February 20th, 2012
2:48 pm
Has some control
disco
February 20th, 2012
2:48 pm
okay ex – we shot the horse and some band of gypsies is making horse meat stew. it’s all good.
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
2:52 pm
I had an aunt that didn’t have a lick of education but could manage her finances. She made very little money but taught me and others it wasn’t so much how much she earned but what she did with the money she made. She always said put God first, think of others and the rest will fall into place.
She often spoke of man that would embarrass and openly correct her grammar. I learned from her that sometimes that’s worse. She said if he understood where she was going or her point, why the need to correct?
Sometimes for some people it’s not that deep. I remember her being always being finely dressed. She would get her clothes from Muse’s downtown…..paying cash. I know personally Muse’s was not cheap. Too, she died owning two homes and sitting on a buttload of cash.
Being smart where it counts is all that matters. She was mt Sunday School teacher geowing up.
SlimUno
February 20th, 2012
2:52 pm
SEE – Your post reminded me of the convo I had with my Pops Friday. He’s been going back and forth from Birmingham to NC to fix up a rental property he has. He was just giving me an overview of the repairs and things he’s done to it himself. But when that fool told me he almost decided to put vinyl siding on the house all from watching How To videos on the internet, I about died laughing. My dad never went to college but he has no problem self-teaching things he isn’t too knowledgeable on.
disco – Even though you just threw that out there, I’m glad because this is becoming redundant
Well faking O’s doesn’t help the person who is faking. It tells the other person that they are doing a decent job. While they are huffing and puffing at the top of the mountain looking for you, yo ass still chillin in the valley with the “Um No” look on your face 
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
2:54 pm
SEE – I agree
Smarts/Intelligence IMO is more so what you have naturally.
SlimUno
February 20th, 2012
2:59 pm
She said if he understood where she was going or her point, why the need to correct?
Celisea – Yeah I feel that sometimes. Even though I cringe a little when folks say “Conversate”, I know what they mean and I let it roll off my back. It’s just not that serious to play Teacher all the time, especially to another adult. Just depends on the situation…
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
3:05 pm
Slim – Exactly. I think knowing a person well enough to know they’re cool and y’all jive like that. Sometimes a person could get offended.
Exiled!
February 20th, 2012
3:06 pm
Slim/Celisea?
Like Slim,I would have no issue with the ‘Conversate’ lady as long they ignant but humble with it.
It’s only when the ignant run their mouf a tad too much,in full view of other folks,like to say,’ I got this’,that is when folks start asking and pointing out,’ yea u got it but ur vocabulary stank!’
disco
February 20th, 2012
3:06 pm
slim/celisea – I wish I could think of something my friend says. it would be so funny. I’m not talking “conversate” or “irregardless” but I’m talking using a completely wrong word. maybe the two words will rhyme or be phonetically similar or something. initially my correcting her wasn’t so much about playing teacher as trying to prevent her from being embarrassed in mixed company at some point. still, after so much time I recognized that it was a lost cause.
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
3:08 pm
I think only one woman truly posted on how smart she is while most others said they wouldn’t dumb down. If anyone else stated their credentials other than the woman this morning, I missed it.
@See ~ others have spoken on academic smarts, as well as street smarts. Being the handiman around the house isn’t something most learn in the classroom. Your post is nice, but I consider that a part of street smart and simply knowing how to survive without paying someone else…that’s smarts one doesn’t learn in the classroom.
SlimUno
February 20th, 2012
3:11 pm
disco – I know I’ve said, Could you be more Pacific…instead of the correct word SPECIFIC lol Sometimes your mind flips on ya
disco
February 20th, 2012
3:19 pm
leggs – you said it. when hard times hit you see who the real troopers/survivors are.
I say some words wrong, not because I don’t know better but because its comforting. my grandparents could butcher some words and I often find myself mimicking their vernacular.
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
3:21 pm
Mmello – The smartest and best of them can handle any level. Whether it’s a conversation, conducting business whatever. The ability to communicate and warm up to anybody no matter their station in life IMO speaks volumes to intelligence, character……all of it.
I like what Blackfoote said.
The judge presiding when I had jury duty was a gem to me. She spent 2-3 hours talking to us once released of the different programs where she was involved. Aside from being a judge, she talked of her biggest joy being that of working with wayward teens. How helping them get on the right track, finding jobs, finishing high school was so rewarding for her. I don’t believe she thought less or felt she couldn’t communicate because of the difference in education and where she is in life versus those she helps. She even told me personally that she would let my kid do six weeks working with her as long as I consented.
disco
February 20th, 2012
3:28 pm
celisea – sho’ you right. can’t teach people skills. sort of like you can teach your kid to play a sport but you can’t teach them to run fast. they are either fast or their not.
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
3:33 pm
disco - Those that “have it” just seems so much more well rounded.
Willie Dynamite
February 20th, 2012
3:34 pm
well rounded is where its at
stilllearning2b
February 20th, 2012
3:38 pm
My ex-husband fit the typical description of smart, and I am the stereotypical book-smart geek. When I entered the dating scene, I developed an appreciation for different types of intelligence. By being open to different types of people, I have enriched my life beyond what I can learn in a book.
http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
3:39 pm
WillieD – Yessiree
disco
February 20th, 2012
3:43 pm
well rounded has me thinking “you can take the girl out of the hood but not the hood out of the girl”. my son and brother tease me all the time about my “ghetto” friends. I do the professional thing all day and I’ve got friends in all walks of life but for some reason I am most comfortable around my “street level/ghetto type” friends where I can check all that professional mess at the door. i can hang and kick it with the more polished types in smaller doses but I always feel like it’s a performance. my hood friends are accustomed to my “professional” persona but my professional friends are always a bit taken aback by my hood persona.
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
3:48 pm
One of my best friends’ mom calls him a corporate thug. She peggged it too…lo”
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
3:49 pm
I hate blogging from my phone….ugh
Exiled!
February 20th, 2012
3:50 pm
Celisea?
I dont know bout that coz Mitt Romney for example ain’t connecting with popo folks.
Do u folks watch political punters on tele..
his recent attempt to connect with his home state and he talks about how the trees have good height in Michigan and he luvs cars and the little lakes and rivers in Michigan…
and asks if there are any old girlfriends in the house..
See that’ ur best’ trying to connect to my/your level but failing short…
Ignant people try to act UP and talk loud with bad vocabulary = Turn off
Knowledgeable folks act standoffish and talk Loud = Turn off
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
3:53 pm
@Celisea ~ probably just me, but I don’t necessarily see the innocence in WillieD’s 3:34 (lol).
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
3:54 pm
Mmeelo – Mitt Romey can’t connect. He’s not what had in mind…lol
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
3:55 pm
Leggs – LOL Did I miss that?
Exiled!
February 20th, 2012
3:58 pm
Leggs,I saw that but thought WD was giving a subliminal compliment based on weekend sighting and activities
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
4:02 pm
Mmeelo – How was your birthday? Did you get a new wallet? When will you know about your new gig?
Exiled!
February 20th, 2012
4:07 pm
Dinner was good Friday,birthday
My bro texts me promising to take me out and corrupt me the next day..I said cool.
Saturday eve rolls and he calls to see if I’m ready..I said no,I’m tired,I’m staying.
I tell u,my body feels my age even tho mentally I refuse to act that age
Gig….? I am tempted to tell u something but I wanna bite a little bit and wait for stuff to come full circle.
U be the first to know
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
4:13 pm
Cool…sounds like it was nice.
Old man now eh? LOL
Well I love good news
I understand being hushed mouth and not talking too much or too soon. Let me know when.
Willie Dynamite
February 20th, 2012
4:24 pm
Leggs/Cel – What are yall trying to say? I’m innocent this time, please dumb it down for me I’m just a country bumpkin.
Ex – So you had your cake but didn’t eat it too.
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
4:25 pm
@Ex/Celisea ~ yeah somewhere in that ball park (lol).
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
4:26 pm
You may be country, but bumpkin you’re not.
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
4:27 pm
If any of you are watching the Amazing Race this season, there are two male friends, white and black, and they are the EPITOME of country bumpkin….I mean “slap some grease on me and let me fry in the sun” type of country words coming out of their mouths.
Exiled!
February 20th, 2012
4:30 pm
WD..nah no cake..getting to that stage where holding hands with yr lady gets u off(like Raqi said once)
Leggs/Cel I am real lucky(depending on how u look at it) coz my daughter eldest is 17 and at my age some folks with kids same age are grand dads..
KizzyCool
February 20th, 2012
4:30 pm
Leggs – that is the countriest sounding black dude in creation…(lol)
TheDude and I were looking at each other like “whatdahell?!?!?”
Oh…and those two sisters being RIGHT there at the checkpoint and not seeing it….just CRAZY….but the one sister that was driving was too weak anyway. So, if they hadn’t gone first, they would have gone second.
Willie Dynamite
February 20th, 2012
4:32 pm
ok who stole Ex’s moniker? Give it back right now and stop posting that mushy isht using his name. Soooo out of character. hahaha
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
4:34 pm
@kizzy ~ I sat there last night befuddled myself wondering WTH are they saying. When they made it to the pit stop, the host was smiling from ear to ear not that they made, but that they are hysterical when they talk.
Yep, she blamed it on tunnel vision, but how the hell you don’t see that pit stop right in FRONT OF YOU! The clowns aren’t going far either. The husband is weak.
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
4:35 pm
@WillieD ~ esp. the part of getting off while holding hands. I almost fell out of my chair reading that.
SlimUno
February 20th, 2012
4:36 pm
WD –
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
4:36 pm
WillieD -Just you stop it now….lol Naw you ain’t no bumpkin
disco
February 20th, 2012
4:37 pm
leggs/WD – is the years. he just had a bday. you reach a certain age and holding hands is about all you are good for. (I kid, ex, I kid).
Willie Dynamite
February 20th, 2012
4:37 pm
Leggs – what are you really trying to say about me? Ok maybe not bumpkin but how bout Country in in an aww geez kind of way?
Kizzy – umm (taking a step back while I ask this question). Would the Kizzy part have anything to do with the new haircut? just asking just asking
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
4:38 pm
@WillieD ~ I’ve only given you a compliment. You aren’t bumpkinish. You have a country twang when you talk, that’s about it.
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
4:39 pm
Put it this way, you’re NOT country in a Gomer Pyle way…..is that better?
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
4:42 pm
Mmeelo – Holding hands? Sounds like you’re ready to gracefully embrace middle agedom…lol Glad our essential part ain’t external. The brain that is
Almost like hearing “feet don’t fail me now”…….not feet of course. lol
KizzyCool
February 20th, 2012
4:42 pm
WD – I’ma fight you when I see you. (lol)
No…it’s because I’ve been slaving lately. (ya’ nut)
Willie Dynamite
February 20th, 2012
4:42 pm
Leggs – ok, thanks I guess. j/k j/k I know exactly what you mean.
Exiled!
February 20th, 2012
4:42 pm
Disco… Its kinda creeping in.
My primary care physician is a white lady and one day on a visit i tell her something I noticed when I perform some lavatory function and she goes to town explaining(coz I ask many questions) how that starts to happens when folks reach my age…(TMI)
but still mentally Im not too happy bout that
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
4:44 pm
@disco ~ I understand that, but that coming from Ex is a language I don’t think he’s ever spoken before (lolol). Holding hands, and that’s it and all’s well in his pants….something fishy going on there.
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
4:46 pm
Whenever anyone uses the name “Kizzy,” I thought it was well known what it meant…I’m cracking up over here….Kizzy means only one thing, WD!!!!!
Willie Dynamite
February 20th, 2012
4:48 pm
KC – oh ok my bad. Also, belated congrats.
Willie Dynamite
February 20th, 2012
4:52 pm
Ex – C’mon man snap out of it.
Dayummit man somebody get my Meeeelo back.
Leggs – I’m sorry for not dumbing it down for the masses but the Kizzy reference goes a few layers deep.
SlimUno
February 20th, 2012
4:56 pm
Maybe he got a bit sentimental after watching Whitney’s funeral…ya think?
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
4:59 pm
but the Kizzy reference goes a few layers deep.
It also cuts to the white meat too…
FCM
February 20th, 2012
5:00 pm
Don’t hate me because I am smart.
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
5:00 pm
Just like if I say “Im going to do a Jane Pittman” on your behind, it’s understood…
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
5:00 pm
We love smart…
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
5:01 pm
Just don’t care for that type of smart where you’re talking so much spitting so many words, that one now needs to ask “who’s on first?”
Celisea
February 20th, 2012
5:04 pm
Mmeello’s admission of his softer side is a nice read
Willie Dynamite
February 20th, 2012
5:06 pm
Leggs – true, my apologies as I didn’t mean to turn it into a history lesson. It was a dumb joke on my part that she got but tasteless all the same.
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
5:08 pm
@WillieD ~ Please we all got the joke…I just ran with it.
Willie Dynamite
February 20th, 2012
5:11 pm
gotcha, but Jane Pittman, Really? hahaha
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
5:19 pm
But of course, Kizzy means something and so does Jane Pittman. Do you know what it means???
Willie Dynamite
February 20th, 2012
5:22 pm
nope
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
5:25 pm
Lolol. Jane Pittman got so upset that when she went to serve tea, or it may have been water to a particular patron who was belittling her, she spat in the drink before serving it. She took about enough disrespect as she could for that day.
Leggs
February 20th, 2012
5:26 pm
And that mah dear is doing a “Jane Pittman” on your a$$…..
Willie Dynamite
February 20th, 2012
5:29 pm
got it
(Mental note) don’t have Leggs fix a drink for me.
KizzyCool
February 20th, 2012
5:49 pm
Not only did I only date smart people (when I was single)….I only hang out with smart people as well.