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Do you only date smart people?

One of my guy friends decided that he is done dating smart women. His last three girlfriends were very intelligent and according to him, “too complicated” to date. So now he is dabbling in the less intelligent dating pool. I have no idea how he finds dumb women, but he seems to be on a mission.

It made me think about the arguments I have had with him about “dumbing yourself down” in order to attract a certain type. I am against playing to a stereotype to get a guy that wants someone with no brain. At some point, the truth will come out so what is the point, right?

I don’t know why some people believe that dating someone less intelligent then you are is “easier” though, am I missing something?

Although I have a thing for nerdy guys and men who are smart, I don’t know if I have always dated smart men. I have dated some idiots, though.

Do you only date smart people?

Guys, do you ever think that some women are too smart to date?

Ladies, do you think that you get more attention when you downplay your intelligence?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

157 comments Add your comment

SlimUno

February 20th, 2012
12:17 pm

had to ask my boss to stop making his comments in red, as well as his edits

Leggs – Did it make you feel like you were 12 again when he did that? lol

disco

February 20th, 2012
12:18 pm

kimmie – oooh. you bringing up the envy/jealousy issue. it’s real but most folks don’t like to own it which makes it very interesting to witness. I have a friend who is 40+. she doesn’t even have her GED. she works as a security guard and has held the same job for many, many years. she often expresses to me that she feels inadequate (not so much envious) in certain company. in particular around some of the folks that I might have over at a party or something who have more education, “better” jobs than she does. I’m constantly reassuring her that I don’t judge my friends that way and that I won’t tolerate it on my watch/in my home. still, I think for the most part she’s content with her station in life. goodness knows I’ve offered several times over the years to help her study for the GED test but I don’t think it matters much to her.

Designated Switch Hitter

February 20th, 2012
12:25 pm

If I limited myself to only dating “Smart People,” I would have to abandon women altogether and move over to the American League (aka Midtown Waiter Island).

kimmie - the original :)

February 20th, 2012
12:28 pm

disco – You see EXACTLY what I’m talking about! And same with me – none of my family and friends that are around when she’s over treat her any different. I don’t put on airs and don’t deal with folks that do. Even the few family members that try it get shot down and quickly are told their ish stank just like everyone elses!

If something is important to you, you pursue it no matter what obstacles are put in your way. I’m not talking about those that have not had the opportunity. She saw me working 2 jobs and going to grad school at night. Sure it was times I’d rather had been partying and running around with some dude, like she was. She made her choices, I made mine. She must be happy with where she is, because if she was not, she would do something about it.

Mike P

February 20th, 2012
12:34 pm

here’s how it is for some (not all) guys,

have fun with a girl (short-time only): okay to dumb down.
have relationship with a girl (long-term): not okay to dumb down.

+++in relationship, determine educational attitude of girl = she beats you over the head with her books (metaphor),
Yes = then dump her like an outdated set of 1990 encyclopedia books, baggage and all.
No = she’s cool, enter into deeper relationship with her.

simple, what’s to wonder??

disco

February 20th, 2012
12:36 pm

I’m sorry. I can’t seem to wrap my mind around a man dumbing down. I understand the concept of women doing it. I almost don’t even see the purpose for a man to do it. if he feels a chick is smarter than he is, then there’s no need. if he feels the chick is dumber than he is it would seem like there would be benefit in his being smarter. men help me out. what is this male dumb down???

Leggs

February 20th, 2012
12:39 pm

@SlimNu ~ no doubt. I felt like I was being chastised on the job with those stern exclamation points behind his condescending comments.

“…but I don’t think it matters much to her – then someone is lying to themselves because you also said she feels “inadequate in certain company.”

kimmie - the original :)

February 20th, 2012
12:39 pm

disco – Me either – when would it ever be an advantage for a man to dumb down? Don’t get it.

kimmie - the original :)

February 20th, 2012
12:44 pm

Leggs – A lot of people want to complain and moan and whine, but don’t have the drive to do something about their situation. The only time it seems to matter to my friend is when she’s feeling intimidated by those better educated or when she’s wanting to apply for a job that requires a degree. Then I hear the complaining.

Exiled!

February 20th, 2012
12:45 pm

Disco?

where is ur confusion aka dumping down?

Men do it for the same reasons women do?

Consider a high profile,educated,older chic that’s busy and has no need for a relationship except for an occasional romp to cream and wet the honey pot…

she may just look for the nearest boy toy that doesn’t add anything of value to her other than that his stamina is top notch.

After a session,she dismisses him.

A man could have similar requirements and decides along the same lines.

Ehhh do I answer u question?

disco

February 20th, 2012
12:48 pm

exiled – NO. you didn’t. if an old head chick is seeking a young buck then she’s seeking a young buck. smart one or dumb one probably makes no never mind. I could even kind of see a smart man ignoring the fact that he’s with a dumb woman to get some but that (to me) is not the same as dumbing down.

Willie Dynamite

February 20th, 2012
12:49 pm

Ladies- Yall are too smart for your own good. hahaha

I personally don’t undertand the dumbing down for the Long Term cause it just wont last imo. BUT, really are yall confused as to why a dude would do it at all?

If Kimmie’s friend has a self envy/jealousy problem plus a phat azz and tig o bitties then I certainly won’t place my degree(s) at the forefront of the conversation. I mean short term it doesn’t matter if i can pontificate on the mid-term elections and the role the Tea-Party played in the results. I’m smart enough to know if this fine azz in front of me has a problem with Kesha nem then of course its on.

Exiled!

February 20th, 2012
12:49 pm

Dumping down is getting somebody who ain’t ur equivalent mentally,Right?

@Disco?

Exiled!

February 20th, 2012
12:50 pm

It’s getting one kinda lower u Right?

Mike P

February 20th, 2012
12:51 pm

@disco: i’m liking your 12:18 pm post, I have a dear friend who is just like the woman you’re describing there. :)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

February 20th, 2012
12:52 pm

I’m not speaking for any person other than myself, I assume everybody has some type of intelligence until they speak. Doesn’t matter to me how smart you are academically. I like people who are respectful, folks of this nature come aross as smart to me.

Good Afternoon: It’s been a while.

disco

February 20th, 2012
12:53 pm

Ex – no. for me (and I think a lot of women here) dumbing down is when you deny your own intelligence in order to make the man feel smarter. it’s when you act all “dingbat/dumb blonde”. it’s when you pretend you don’t know the answers or when you act like you can’t do something. it’s selling yourself out just for the benefit of the other person’s ego.

Celisea

February 20th, 2012
12:54 pm

I think the example WillieD mentioned would probably be the scenario. Maybe not so much dumbing down but playing along. IMO dating seem so much easier for men more so than women (I could be wrong) because of the emotional weight women carry. Thus I never get all the whining from some of the men.

disco

February 20th, 2012
12:55 pm

mike – and I’m sure you accept your dear friend just as he/she is. like I said earlier, different people made different choices and had different opportunities. at the end of the day, no one is any better than anyone else (though some folks love to act like it. heck, I’ve been guilty of it myself).

Mike P

February 20th, 2012
12:58 pm

@Exiled!: Yes and no, for guys… dumbing down means dating someone who’s “dumber” than what you actually would find in a date. but for women, dumbing down means to “act” dumb. which personally i dont like at all.

Celisea

February 20th, 2012
12:59 pm

WillieD – Just seeing your 12:49

I get it but like I said and really either gender dumbing down is playing along but for different reasons.

Exiled!

February 20th, 2012
1:00 pm

@Disco?

It’s the same!

The thing is,a man will do the same thing,depending on the company of said woman because for a man,it’s what his intention is that counts.

If he is in the company of a not so smart chic but that has physical qualities that are desirable he is going to act along with her air headedness just so he can do the job.

It’s All about a man’s intent.

That power of the puddy u were talking bout last week makes a man do and talk dump stuff with a dummy woman!

Mike P

February 20th, 2012
1:01 pm

@disco: Yup! I tell her all the time, its just a piece of paper when you really think about it. the degree I mean.

Willie Dynamite

February 20th, 2012
1:04 pm

Cel – good way to put it @12:59

Exiled!

February 20th, 2012
1:06 pm

Disco?

U are a woman

U don’t understand how we men improperly elevate the sweetness of a beautiful or well endowed(physically) woman’s puddy ,never mind the emptyiness of her brains! :lol:

Velonese

February 20th, 2012
1:17 pm

Hey now, I dumb myself down to destroy those that like to take advantage of others. I’m the cookie that breaks your teeth when you try to bite it (making fun of the easy cookie quote).

Willie Dynamite

February 20th, 2012
1:19 pm

I am far beyond the dumbing down for some puddy. i understand and recognize when its happening. I truly relish being involved in a mentally stimulating conversation. I like talking to women, period. Give me a chick that is wonderful to talk with AND to look at and I’m happy.

Celisea

February 20th, 2012
1:32 pm

WillieD – yep

Celisea

February 20th, 2012
1:34 pm

Ummm Velonese that was lame….lol You don’t strike me as knee slapping :)

[...] Hey Dummy, look at what we found. [...]

disco

February 20th, 2012
2:06 pm

well ex – on the male dumb down issue we are going to have to agree to disagree. I don’t think it’s the same thing. I can get with mike p’s theory but I’m not feeling yours at all.

Exiled!

February 20th, 2012
2:17 pm

Disco..I like to beat the horse dead myself..so here go:

Take Mike P’s or ur point..if a woman acts dumb for the guy…is the guy wiser than her or he is Dummer than her?

I take it she is putting down her own intelligence just so she can get along with this ‘ fool’..that’s supposedly beneath her…

well I guess coz she likes him

Tell me the difference with a guy doing same for whatever reason

If u wrong u owe me some if Iam wrong I owe some! :lol:

Win win! :lol:

disco

February 20th, 2012
2:25 pm

well since it’s slow and for argument’s sake I’ll say that if a woman plays dumb the man is wiser than she is. not necessarily because he’s wise but because I feel like any woman that’s willing to play dumb might as well be dumb. (stupid is as stupid does…)

I can’t tell you the difference about a guy doing the same thing because I can’t even imagine a scenario where a guy does the same thing. really if a guy being dumb is a turnoff can you imagine how much of a turnoff a guy playing dumb is? the closest I can think of in comparison for a guy is perhaps a guy letting a woman win. when I say let a woman win I mean physical contests. not saying he lets her win at scrabble or something but he lets her think she can outrun him or beat him at pool or something. still, even that’s not really the same.

win/win? lose/lose?

KizzyCool

February 20th, 2012
2:30 pm

Hey folks.

Every person that has to stand on the mountaintop and announce their esteemed level of higher intellect isn’t always the smartest person in the room.

I see it all the time in folks who try to so hard to come across as so well educated, but continually mispronounce and misuse words and can’t conjugate a verb to save life.

So, it could be that buddy has been meeting women who possess a level of intellect that makes him *feel* inferior.

And regardless, the person that is right for you is right for you. They will not be “too complicated.” so, suffice to say, he has not met the woman that is right for him. Next….

disco

February 20th, 2012
2:34 pm

I’ve got a friend. we’ve been tight since childhood. that girl can tear up a word. think archie bunker. you know how archie would use the wrong word but you knew what he meant? my friend does that all the time. I used to correct her but I’ve long since learned to just let it ride.

SlimUno

February 20th, 2012
2:35 pm

Yall are making my head spin with the whole debate on a man playing dumb vs a woman doing it. Either way, it’s a misrepresentation of who they really are…playing a role trying to garner a certain outcome to fulfill their motive.

SEE

February 20th, 2012
2:36 pm

I figured it would be like this, (sigh). All these women commenting on how “smart” they are. When I first met my husband, I thought I was smarter than him. After all, I’m the one with the master’s degree…he barely made it through graduate school. After years of marriage, I realize that in the “real” world, he’s the survivor and I’m NOT!!! When our heater goes down, I stand there like a dork while he fixes it…and he doesn’t have an HVAC degree. When our faucet starts spouting water…I’m the one holding the flashlight while he gets in there, finds the problem, and has it fixed in less than 2 hours. And no, he doesn’t have a plumbing degree either. He can re-wire our electrical system just by reading a book that I can’t even begin to understand. No matter what the problem, erosion in our backyard, floundering foundation, car alternator needing replacing…he finds a solution just by looking at it and figuring it out.

I think the problem of many women is that they believe in only one kind of smart…academic smarts. In my experience, women tend to be more language oriented, (i.e. reading, writing, verbal communication). These are typically men’s weak areas. Men tend to shine in areas involving hands-on problem-solution types of activities. Needless to say, a woman who wants to spend all her time “conversing” is going to become boring to a man who wants to do more activities. Want to interest a man, have a date where you both make a complicated dinner dish. You find as men work with their hands more, they converse more. Men don’t want stupid women…they want a woman to understand them.

disco

February 20th, 2012
2:43 pm

slim – but countless women still fake the big Os. (yeah. I opened that can of worms).

see – I previously stated that everyone knows something that you don’t know. you get half credit for your post but I recommend that women learn how to do some things too. if there’s a man around to fix things that’s great but if not you might want to know your way around a tool box and have some basic maintenance skills. and besides, not every man is a handy man.

Exiled!

February 20th, 2012
2:47 pm

Disco?

And a man can do the same,play dum to a chic that’s wise but wants some control or had some control and the man is doing it simply to ward off disagreements,be agreeable with her viewpoint(u know how some women are too emotional if/when contradicted),the sole reason being,he wants something out of it..an ulterior motive.

Exiled!

February 20th, 2012
2:48 pm

Has some control

disco

February 20th, 2012
2:48 pm

okay ex – we shot the horse and some band of gypsies is making horse meat stew. it’s all good.

Celisea

February 20th, 2012
2:52 pm

I had an aunt that didn’t have a lick of education but could manage her finances. She made very little money but taught me and others it wasn’t so much how much she earned but what she did with the money she made. She always said put God first, think of others and the rest will fall into place.

She often spoke of man that would embarrass and openly correct her grammar. I learned from her that sometimes that’s worse. She said if he understood where she was going or her point, why the need to correct?

Sometimes for some people it’s not that deep. I remember her being always being finely dressed. She would get her clothes from Muse’s downtown…..paying cash. I know personally Muse’s was not cheap. Too, she died owning two homes and sitting on a buttload of cash.

Being smart where it counts is all that matters. She was mt Sunday School teacher geowing up.

SlimUno

February 20th, 2012
2:52 pm

SEE – Your post reminded me of the convo I had with my Pops Friday. He’s been going back and forth from Birmingham to NC to fix up a rental property he has. He was just giving me an overview of the repairs and things he’s done to it himself. But when that fool told me he almost decided to put vinyl siding on the house all from watching How To videos on the internet, I about died laughing. My dad never went to college but he has no problem self-teaching things he isn’t too knowledgeable on.

disco – Even though you just threw that out there, I’m glad because this is becoming redundant ;-) Well faking O’s doesn’t help the person who is faking. It tells the other person that they are doing a decent job. While they are huffing and puffing at the top of the mountain looking for you, yo ass still chillin in the valley with the “Um No” look on your face :lol:

Celisea

February 20th, 2012
2:54 pm

SEE – I agree

Smarts/Intelligence IMO is more so what you have naturally.

SlimUno

February 20th, 2012
2:59 pm

She said if he understood where she was going or her point, why the need to correct?

Celisea – Yeah I feel that sometimes. Even though I cringe a little when folks say “Conversate”, I know what they mean and I let it roll off my back. It’s just not that serious to play Teacher all the time, especially to another adult. Just depends on the situation…

Celisea

February 20th, 2012
3:05 pm

Slim – Exactly. I think knowing a person well enough to know they’re cool and y’all jive like that. Sometimes a person could get offended.

Exiled!

February 20th, 2012
3:06 pm

Slim/Celisea?

Like Slim,I would have no issue with the ‘Conversate’ lady as long they ignant but humble with it.

It’s only when the ignant run their mouf a tad too much,in full view of other folks,like to say,’ I got this’,that is when folks start asking and pointing out,’ yea u got it but ur vocabulary stank!’ :lol:

disco

February 20th, 2012
3:06 pm

slim/celisea – I wish I could think of something my friend says. it would be so funny. I’m not talking “conversate” or “irregardless” but I’m talking using a completely wrong word. maybe the two words will rhyme or be phonetically similar or something. initially my correcting her wasn’t so much about playing teacher as trying to prevent her from being embarrassed in mixed company at some point. still, after so much time I recognized that it was a lost cause.

Leggs

February 20th, 2012
3:08 pm

I think only one woman truly posted on how smart she is while most others said they wouldn’t dumb down. If anyone else stated their credentials other than the woman this morning, I missed it.

@See ~ others have spoken on academic smarts, as well as street smarts. Being the handiman around the house isn’t something most learn in the classroom. Your post is nice, but I consider that a part of street smart and simply knowing how to survive without paying someone else…that’s smarts one doesn’t learn in the classroom.

SlimUno

February 20th, 2012
3:11 pm

disco – I know I’ve said, Could you be more Pacific…instead of the correct word SPECIFIC lol Sometimes your mind flips on ya