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Do you only date smart people?

One of my guy friends decided that he is done dating smart women. His last three girlfriends were very intelligent and according to him, “too complicated” to date. So now he is dabbling in the less intelligent dating pool. I have no idea how he finds dumb women, but he seems to be on a mission.

It made me think about the arguments I have had with him about “dumbing yourself down” in order to attract a certain type. I am against playing to a stereotype to get a guy that wants someone with no brain. At some point, the truth will come out so what is the point, right?

I don’t know why some people believe that dating someone less intelligent then you are is “easier” though, am I missing something?

Although I have a thing for nerdy guys and men who are smart, I don’t know if I have always dated smart men. I have dated some idiots, though.

Do you only date smart people?

Guys, do you ever think that some women are too smart to date?

Ladies, do you think that you get more attention when you downplay your intelligence?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

157 comments Add your comment

Lily

February 20th, 2012
7:24 am

I date the person I’m attracted to and “dumb” certainly doesn’t fit. And in order to land a date I’m not going to dumb down all in the name of……

I would advise that you best attract by just being yourself.

WiseDiva, your friend sounds shallow. Maybe it’s really easy he’s looking for.

Mr. Unknown

February 20th, 2012
8:49 am

Good Morning,

Guys, do you ever think that some women are too smart to date? Yep!! I think “too complicated” was code for combative, ms. I know everything, wears her college degree on her chest like a blue ribbon, debates every point like its life or death. I don’t think dumbing yourself down is the answer, personally change maybe a good start. I love an intelligent woman but too much of anything gets old at some point.

“WiseDiva, your friend sounds shallow. Maybe it’s really easy he’s looking for.” He’s not shallow, he just understands the characteristics that he is no longer attracted too. Nothing wrong with that, Kudos to him.

Leggs

February 20th, 2012
9:08 am

Good morning.

I will date that person I’m attracted to and who’s attracted to me. If we have difficulty communicating/debating, it simply means we aren’t compatible. Not necessarily that I’m too smart for him or he’s to smart for me, we simply don’t jive together. I won’t dumb myself down. There’s a lot I don’t know and open to learn, but I won’t pretend to act dumb when I in fact am knowledgeable just to get him to date me.

@MrU ~ must admit I thought WD’s friend may find getting to the panties a little more complicated with the smart women he’s encountered. Some don’t want to actually sit and talk and converse on varying topics and engage in constant stimulating conversation. Some just want small talk, show a little interest and bunny hop through the rest of the night without much effort. Perhaps he doesn’t want to sweat as much as he’s been sweating to get to the goods.

Lily

February 20th, 2012
9:09 am

Mr. Unknown, it’s just dating. Wise Diva’s friend can just move on. To state that every experience was a train wreck of because each woman was too intelligent, yet him being the common demoninator is clearly indicative that he should at least consider looking within for the source of the problem.

Well at least it’s not a situation of him wanting easy cake and eating it too. How often does that happen??? We all know men blame women when that don’t go as easily as they’d like…lol Just glad we have a different scenario today than that. As we all know that happens on a regular.

Mike P

February 20th, 2012
9:19 am

Good Morning,

I think there’s a difference between smart and “too educated.” Perhaps WD’s friend is tired of dating those women who are too educated for they’re own good. These women are so educated, independent, and some are well-accomplished, but they’re too insecure within themselves that they have to throw their degrees around like its suppose to mean something to the relationship. It is these same women who are soooo smart, you can’t tell them anything.

Biased Disclaimer: I am sure that there are men who do the same to women but I don’t date men so I can’t comment on that.

Lily

February 20th, 2012
9:21 am

@Leggs…..that’s exactly what I was thinking.

I’ll try until the end to at least remain friends. Nothing at that point to do wit still trying to make things work. But if a man just pout and refuses to see or acknowledge or even attempt to understand that dating is not about solely one person and how it benefits them alone and I become the blame or considered too smart or too combative all because they’re unwilling to see what’s best for both parties, I’m okay with that. I can walk away knowing it wasn’t about being too this that or the other but rather an unwillingness to be centered.

kimmie - the original :)

February 20th, 2012
9:26 am

Morning All!

There are a lot of ways to look at this. Are we talking book-smart or street/common sense-smart? There is a difference. I’m with Leggs – sounds like he was getting tired of having to work for the panties. They probably called him on his BS, which I think is hilarious!! Let him go on and find a dim bulb! He’ll have issue with that too – then those women will bore him and he’ll complain they are too easy!! Good luck with all of that! Funny – instead of getting the panties, he got his in a wad!!

Date the one you are compatible with and have something in common with! Sure no one likes a show-off, even just for a friend.

I’ve always liked my men intelligent, book & streetwise. That’s a winning combo. The most attractive thing is confidence in his own abilities. Men who are truly confident in themselves love and are not intimidated by intelligent women. That’s perfect for me!!

Have a great day gang!!!

Compatibility is the Answer

February 20th, 2012
9:28 am

After being out of touch with a previous “boyfriend”, I thought it wouldn’t hurt to get to know him and possibly get reacquainted when our paths crossed a few years ago. It didn’t take long for me to realize that he wasn’t the “smartest” person I’d ever dated and although we are both in education, it was extremely difficut to have a conversation related to current day issues. He didn’t have a clue, maybe because he worked with severely/profoundly disabled students as a “career paraprofessional”, (I hold a Masters in Nonprofit Management with a concentration in Organizational Development (specializing in Education), my Capstone Project was the completion of a Charter School Development Guidebook). To say the least, he never really understood anything I ever tried to have a conversation about with him, i.e. charter schools, standardized testing, etc. It was awful, he didn’t own a computer nor a cell phone and although he was a type of “educator”, he had no clue about much of what was going on in today’s field of education. Needless to say, nothing ever came of the reuniting. I would never date anyone that could not provide intellectual stimulation as a part of our relationship.

SlimUno

February 20th, 2012
9:29 am

Morning all,

I’m with Leggs, not going to dumb myself down to stroke the ego of another who obviously has issues with a woman that may be knowledgeable on certain topics. I’ve never had an issue with being a know-it-all so not much to add to the topic other than no one really likes an arrogant, can’t tell them nothing kinda person. Life is already a struggle or battle, why do I then want to come home to fight yo ass too

woosah

kimmie - the original :)

February 20th, 2012
9:31 am

Wise – Now you know this is the perfect woman-bashing topic, don’t you?

It’s gonna bring out all the panty-wearing dudes that can’t keep up! LOL!!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Mr. Unknown

February 20th, 2012
9:38 am

Watered down version of my first statement. Guys don’t want to know how smart you are, it should be understood through great “easy” flowing conversation. Some people make it a point to highlight their best attributes, whether its on a physical or showing that your well read. Now when that highlight becomes a billboard then it becomes a turn-off.

@ lily I hear you but he was talking about 3 people that he built a relationship with not a casual date. He recognizes traits that are no longer a fit for him, he is not looking for the easy lay, but an actual relationship that he doesn’t have to sacrifice his happiness for.

disco

February 20th, 2012
9:40 am

good morning y’all. why do I always have to bring up relativity? I guess because relativity is relevant. smart to one may not be so smart to another. while I’m a firm believer that everyone knows something that you don’t know it still helps that they know something that I find interesting (the compatibility issue that others brought up). if a fellow shines with sports stats, that won’t really turn me on. if he can name every jet beauty of the week for the past 20 years, can’t say that turns me on either. I love a man who can answer “have you read any good books lately” with the name of an actual book title as opposed to I only read magazines and the sports pages. that certainly doesn’t make the book reader smarter than the magazine reader – just shows different interests. I don’t even believe that the man who went to college is necessary smarter than the man who didn’t. just means he made different choices and had different opportunities.

like a few others – I wonder if he was seeking a “dumber” woman or an “easier” woman. not every man loves a challenge. some prefer the path of least resistance.

Celisea

February 20th, 2012
9:47 am

LOLOLOL…..Are you kidding me?

I’m with everyone that said it was just too much in not getting easy panties. Bottom line. WD says it the same issue for three women. Three? I’d venture to say he just struck out….all three times. It was him not them.

Anything worth having and to be treasured is worth the effort.

He’s lazy and looking for the easy. I’m not going drop it down a notch either just because you can’t keep up or don’t what it takes.

Lily

February 20th, 2012
9:54 am

@Mr. Unknown….Correction Three woman where it just didn’t happen so easily. Let’s say he lost an attraction for easy and what no doubt did go off as I’m sure he imagined. Every woman has a right to require standards. If that’s too much, let’s call for what it is but let’s not blame.

kimmie - the original :)

February 20th, 2012
9:55 am

Celisea – I was cracking up too when I read the topic! I was wondering was Wise really kidding!LOL!!

SlimUno

February 20th, 2012
9:58 am

When I read the topic I initially thought, well this is stupid…but I’m not a guy so maybe this is actually an issue in the dating realm of a dude. I’ve never had to ponder if I wanted to date a dumb guy over a smart one. Most guys I even consider dating are fairly educated & knowledgeable.

kimmie - the original :)

February 20th, 2012
10:00 am

Slim – Poor things, I really feel sorry for them. :shock: :lol:

Mike P

February 20th, 2012
10:00 am

Mr. Unknown: I agree with your 9:38 am post; The way I read WD’s friend. It didn’t read like it was a casual dating thing but what the man desired in a long-term relationship with one woman. We talking what’s acceptable in terms of personality.

Audra

February 20th, 2012
10:01 am

I can’t date a dumb man. Period. :) If we can’t have an intellectual conversation, it is over. On the other hand, there are some dudes who are so insecure that they throw their intelligence, knowledge, and education around. You feel like you’re constantly trying to keep up while they nit-pick over some minute point. I hate that too. There’s gotta be a balance. I don’t like under-educated or dumb, but arrogant isn’t my style either. I see men saying basically the same thing on here – just be smart and be who you are, but don’t wear it like a badge of honor or think it is part of the EMOTIONAL aspects of a relationship! In other words, know when to let it go!

Celisea

February 20th, 2012
10:05 am

Kimme – I know right. There will always be those selfish lazy folks wanting something for nothing. It just strikes me how some people can see all that’s wrong the other party and no matter what, will NEVER see how their actions or the lack thereof contributes.

Sometimes you have to leave that kind to believing they are right, leave them thinking you’re wrong and let them move on to find that easy that solely fits them……no consideration for the other party. Simetimes folks thrive in that “it’s my world only” mentality. Leave them be.

disco

February 20th, 2012
10:06 am

okay. here’s a dumb moment. not a grown man dumb moment but a dumb moment just the same. my teenage nephew was visiting last summer. I told him to get the milk out of the refrigerator. dude goes to the fridge, stands there, looks around and then declares there isn’t any milk in there. now I know good and darned well there’s milk because I anticipated having him and another little cousin at my house. anyway, when I pointed out the big A gallon milk jug his response was “oh. our milk looks different at home”. I’m like dude a gallon jug is a gallon jug is a gallon jug and even if it’s not do you not spell milk the same way at home? I gave that boy grief behind that. our milk looks different. dumb.

czBrat

February 20th, 2012
10:07 am

HiYas!

dumbing down to impress a dude is something you might feel the need to do when you’re kinda young and insecure yourself. you want to make that dude feel like he’s really shining in your eyes. no harm; no foul.
but for grown folk, just be the true you. whether that be dumb as a box of rocks or sky-high IQ the people you pair up with along the way will either keep up or keep moving.

Celisea

February 20th, 2012
10:10 am

Dating or relationship doesn’t matter. I’m still wondering how you find three woman repeating the same exact mistakes and rather than ask yourself the question you venture into the “dumb” arena without ever asking yourself once if it could possibly be you.

kimmie - the original :)

February 20th, 2012
10:12 am

Audra/others – I observe too often that people tend to make snap judgements about people and put thme in a catagory before they even get to know them. Sometimes, women that are highly educated and professionally successful get labeled with the stereotype that they are hard to deal with and can’t leave work at work and are arrogant and confrontational and difficult. So, a guy decides to date such a woman, but anything she does he has it in his head the stereotype. She might just be voicing her opinion about something, but he’ll twist it around and say she being bossy and combative.

It’s a no-win and not fair. Be confident in yourself and what you have to offer. Stop putting others down for your percieved shortcomings. She’s probably not the one that’s insecure – you are!

Celisea

February 20th, 2012
10:13 am

Mr. Unknown and Mike P are pointing relationship rather than dating….IMO that’s even worse.

Mr. Unknown

February 20th, 2012
10:18 am

Oh well.. In one ear out the other, I guess. One-sided thought process and Im seeing way to many exclamation points being used. lol I have to step out but will return for a brief minute today. @Mike P Pretty much..

Exiled!

February 20th, 2012
10:21 am

Good morning!

Ladies be4 u spend ur energies bashing WD’s friend,did u read Compatibility’s response on 9:28?

She goes to town telling strangers about her degrees before we even ask her for it. Instead of explaining something and mentioning it in passing she has to go to town explaining her accomplishments. It’s impressive but I wasn’t impressed!

My point? There are real people like that!

You go to some convention maybe of like minded people and I meet somebody who is All about themselves. That is what this guy may have come across.

However,I also think that the strategy was wrong if All he was looking for was a ’smart’ woman.

‘Smart’ is relative and like most of u indicated, of which I agree,date the one you are attracted to.

Celisea

February 20th, 2012
10:26 am

I’m still asking….three woman/relationships?? No matter, after three he needs to do some self reflection and ask himself if that’s REALLY what was happening. Maybe it was the reverse. Maybe he was dumb and couldn’t keep up.

Leggs

February 20th, 2012
10:27 am

Here’s another dumb moment, disco. Just yesterday ex came over to see his child. We started talking about nothing of significance when he asked if she was out of school tomorrow (today). I said yes. He then asked if she was also out of school this past Friday. Again I said yes. He then drove us to get some pizza and during the drive he asked HER if she was out Friday. I turned and said “you already asked me this and I said she was.” He turns and stares at me saying to me “this is a conversation between me and my daughter!” It took every grain of might to not cuss is stupid a$$ out in front of his child. I tsk, tsk, tsk all the way to the pizza shop.

Leggs

February 20th, 2012
10:43 am

Ok, I went off topic, didn’t mean to stop the convo. sorry.

disco

February 20th, 2012
10:45 am

celisea – I wondered along those lines as well. perhaps the guy is self important and considers himself smart and feels like these chicks are even smarter than he is which he can’t handle. OR he’s not as smart as he thinks he is and these chicks make him painfully aware of it.

leggs – could be dumb moment or could be he just didn’t have a daggone thing to talk to the child about which is even worse.

Celisea

February 20th, 2012
10:49 am

disco – Just makes me wonder.

abc

February 20th, 2012
10:55 am

When I was a very young man, and concerned with such matters in choosing who to date, when I’d have a choice of dating a smart girl or a dumb girl, I would consistently choose the one with the biggest teeots.

Just sayin… for young guys, relative intelligence doesn’t much matter. As I’ve grown (ahem) more mature, I find that I just don’t know hardly any people who aren’t quite intelligent. My wife is a big-brain, and very creative. I value that highly.

Leggs

February 20th, 2012
10:58 am

@abc ~ I’m going to take your presence right now as a small omen. I’ve decided to play 123 or 132 this week. Meaning, I’ve always looked at your moniker as 123.

disco

February 20th, 2012
11:01 am

okay since we are lagging off on dumb chicks. did anyone watch the Bernie mac special last night? I will say that because I’ve never seen charlie’s angels I kept wondering what Cameron diaz was doing on the show.

Robert

February 20th, 2012
11:03 am

“Guys, do you ever think that some women are too smart to date? ”

This is a very good question. We live in a society where women have access to technology (cell phones, ipads, etc.) which means they think they are smarter because they can stay in touch with their social media sites (facebook, etc.) as well as the cell phone gadgets loaded with all the latest apps. on the market today. Information at the speed of light only make them feel smarter but are they really smarter? NO. It reminds me of people who never read (books, newspapers, etc.) but always know what is going on in the world. Technology in the hands of “nosey-rosey’s” does not make them smarter. There is an old saying that “it is not good to know everything about everybody” which I agree. Is the smartest, savvy, woman in the room college or internet educated?

Leggs

February 20th, 2012
11:10 am

“…where women have access to technology (cell phones, ipads, etc.) which means they think they are smarter because they can stay in touch with their social media sites (facebook, etc.) as well as the cell phone gadgets loaded with all the latest apps. on the market today = this is the dumbest statement of the morning.

Leggs

February 20th, 2012
11:12 am

We’re talking about intelligence, and I figured it was implied, women with both book smart and street smart not computer app smart. Talking about belittling the intelligence of women to the fact that one carries a “smart” phone is, how does Mike Tyson calls itl, LUDIC ROUS and a blatant slur!

Exiled!

February 20th, 2012
11:13 am

Robert?

Robert?

I think u really went off a cliff there!

In college the professor would simy scribble across ur composition top page,’Off topic’ without grading it.

disco

February 20th, 2012
11:15 am

Robert – huh??? really? access to information doesn’t make a person smart though there is something to be said for knowing where to find the answers that one needs. I’ve witnessed folks who couldn’t pass an open book/open note test which indicates that access to information alone isn’t always enough. technology has it’s place but it doesn’t replace a person’s mind and their own abilities.

czBrat

February 20th, 2012
11:27 am

I’ve witnessed folks who couldn’t pass an open book/open note test
just oh my! :shock:

Willie Dynamite

February 20th, 2012
11:31 am

Morning All,

I can only give my take on the subject as I am not keenly aware of how others relate or deal with the subject. I need to be able to have a somewhat intelligent conversation about a variety of topics to keep me interested. I will however admit to (dumbing it down) just to get some. I mean of course I can listen to your take on kesha and nem for a brief moment while I keep staring at your bitties. But to be honest its not going to keep me for anytime longer than tonight.

disco

February 20th, 2012
11:41 am

willie d – don’t sleep on ghetto. have you ever heard hood folks drop knowledge? it might be entertaining to listen to but sometimes they hit on something. of course, sometimes you sit there looking at them like WTF is he/she talking about but still….

SlimUno

February 20th, 2012
11:41 am

Ex – I so needed you comment about the teachers comment at the top of a paper in red, Off topic. :lol:

A guy friend of mine and his son were having a debate of what the gymnastic floors are made out of. He said they didn’t have springs, but was merely foam cushion. The son and I said the floor had springs underneath. So I use my phone to look it up and come to find out we were all right…Plywood floor, with foam cushion and springs. Does that make us all pretty darn app smart or what?

Leggs

February 20th, 2012
11:55 am

@SlimU – had to ask my boss to stop making his comments in red, as well as his edits.

Willie Dynamite

February 20th, 2012
11:57 am

Disco – I definitely understand that scenario unfolding exactly like that.

Leggs

February 20th, 2012
12:00 pm

@disco/WillieD ~ heck, it happens here (re 11:41).

kimmie - the original :)

February 20th, 2012
12:03 pm

Robert – Your post sounds like one of those dudes that can’t keep up!

kimmie - the original :)

February 20th, 2012
12:10 pm

I notice some people have a chip on their shoulders about people who have accomplished something they have not, such as attaining a college degree. Like I spoke of before, they form an opinion right off the bat without even getting to know a person.

I have a friend that does that. If she finds out a guy has a degree and/or works a white-collar job, she starts to feel that she’s not good enough. She has completed 2 years of college and had every opportunity to finish up the 4 years, but allowed herself to be sidetracked. I’ve told her if she wants to complete her education – she will. Otherwise, it her own personal issue – not the men.

Zedd

February 20th, 2012
12:13 pm

WD- Do you know the difference between “then” and “than”?

“I don’t know why some people believe that dating someone less intelligent then you are is “easier” though, am I missing something? “