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Dating: ‘I’m old school’

Whenever the man I am dating says, “I’m old school”, I tend to brace myself for the worse. Sadly, I expect to hear a long diatribe about the problem with single women today. What can I say? I’ve been burned with that lead-in before and I rarely hear anything good come after that.

Imagine my surprise recently, when “I’m old school” was followed by “It’s my role as the man to care about how you feel and protect you as best as I can” *blink* I know, I needed a moment – like seriously!

It is really refreshing to hear a guy talk about the most appealing part of old school dating, the part I don’t cringe over: emotional support and protection. Listen, throw in handsome looks and you have my boyfriend/husband/life partner prototype.

Is it possible to have a nice balance of old school and new school dating? Could I get a man to call my land line phone, come over to my place and pick me up for a date? How great would it be to get through an entire evening without a man staring at my cleavage?

I’m sure the men can appreciate a woman not looking at her phone no less than 38 times an hour. He could probably be thrilled to have a conversation that does not begin with, “What do you do?” too.

What has happened to the way we court and woo one another?

Do you consider yourself old school? Are you big on tradition? How does it impact your dating experiences on the modern dating scene in Atlanta?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

Happy Friday!!

245 comments Add your comment

n

February 17th, 2012
7:27 am

That is a great question. I really like it. There is a place for courteousy, consideration and all that. The situation is “be yourself”, ofcourse, if that doesn’t work, be someone else. I knew a guy who was naturally obnoxious, everytime he tried to be polite he was worse, everybody knew he had an ulterior motive. The first line he would use, “I’M a lawyer, I have a big case and have to be in court, but I have a little time for you if we can make it quick. He was just being himself.

Huh?

February 17th, 2012
7:54 am

“How great would it be to get through an entire evening without a man staring at my cleavage?”
So you wear that low cut blouse that exposes everything just to stay cool?
Sure; and I work part time as the Tooth Fairy.

Ricky

February 17th, 2012
8:33 am

Ooooh, so you don’t want a man staring at your cleavage? yet, your cleavage is obviously on display? I guess your cleavage has to breathe, riiiiiiight.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

February 17th, 2012
8:54 am

Someone explain “new school dating”?

I thought ‘new school’ was random hook-ups and thangs…

And, @WD,

Um, if they’re out, they’re meant to be stared at, admired,oogled, mentioned/commented on at least; otherwise you’d be a turtleneck.

#jussayin

Leggs

February 17th, 2012
9:00 am

Morning.

No doubt I’m old school. Probably why I cut BS down so quickly. Pick me up for a date, call me and not continuously texting me. When you call asking to go out, follow it up with some plans. Buy me a dress, shoes and accessories for the evening…..I kid, I kid.

disco

February 17th, 2012
9:00 am

hey y’all. good morning. I got in the car and was in a grand old mood. radio played fat joe lean back and it was sounding pretty good. got to work and ran into my workplace nemesis on the elevator and all that feel good went into hiding. forgive me if I take a few cheap shots.

o/t – first things first, old school is going to be relative to a person’s age/upbringing so we’ll have to make allowances for that. it’ll be interesting to hear y’all’s takes on old school.

I will say that if I intentionally put my cleavage on display I might be a little bit taken aback if it didn’t get the desired attention. I put them out there to be looked at so dude better look.

Leggs

February 17th, 2012
9:07 am

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CBA!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MEEELO a/k/a EX

SlimNu

February 17th, 2012
9:10 am

Good morning and birthday shout outs to the birthday crew…sooo glad it is Freaky Friday

Leggs

February 17th, 2012
9:32 am

Guess it is Freaky Friday since I just got a text from an admirer asking if he could have some of my chocolate thighs. Although this would be great if I actually went out with this person, but to text me that crap after exchanging convo for the past month is not cool. If this is the new school of dating, let me crawl back under my rock.

Celisea

February 17th, 2012
9:34 am

Old school IMO and how I was raised is taking the slow scenic route. No rush no hurries. Everything eventually be it post marriage or waaaaaaaaaaaay down the road…lol…during a real courtship. Manners, etiquette, all that good stuff.

And yes, I like old school :) IMO the payout is so much better :)

Happy Friday folks!

SlimNu

February 17th, 2012
9:35 am

Leggs – Daaaaaaamn! That’s how folks are doing it now? Well I must admit that reading that awakened something in my spirit. lol Time for some belated Valenties Chocolate Good Bar :oops: But yeah, dude was out of line. I think he threw his line out there trying to see what he could catch. What did you say in return?

Celisea

February 17th, 2012
9:35 am

Feliz cumpleanos Mmeello and cba!!

kimmie - the original :)

February 17th, 2012
9:42 am

Morning All! Happy Birthday to cba & Exiled!!!

I am a modern woman who is traditional/old school when it comes to alot of things, when I was dating and now that I’m married. I am just like my mother, who was also a combination of the two. People like to complain that you should be one or the other, and cite women’s lib & other hogwash as excuses for their poor behavior and upbringing. I think we can pick the best from both points of view. Respect, though, is always in style.

Whatever you choose, own it. I did what worked for me and didn’t apologize for it and still don’t. If a guy waited on me to call first, make the first move, or pay for the first date, he’d still be waiting. The lucky men that have dated me in the past and the one that married me were recipients of my generosity and my belief in reciprocating and showing my appreciation – which means I had no problem picking up the tab sometimes. I also love to cook, so they benefitted from that. I am well educated and can articulate my views and opinions and so have all the men I deal with. No dumbing down. My men have always been intelligent and they appreciate an intelligent woman. I am independant but I know how to leave work at work and I have had no problem letting a man know I wanted love, companionship and full commitment. I’m not every man’s cup of tea, but I am to the one that mattered.

kimmie - the original :)

February 17th, 2012
9:44 am

Leggs – Pure sleaze. That’s never been in style.

disco

February 17th, 2012
9:45 am

alright ladies – let’s not forget there were dogs, players and low-lifes in the old school too.

kimmie – love the dumb down comment. I’ve always stated that I dumb down for no one. I also don’t laugh at mess that isn’t funny. (you know that comes up a lot in the “let a man be a man” talks when it comes to stroking egos and all that). I point out that I’m willing to be 100% supportive if you’re asking me to support something I can stand behind. I’m not going to be supportive of some daggone foolishness just to have somebody’s back. anyway, I’ll pull back. I feel a worked up coming on.

SlimNu

February 17th, 2012
9:47 am

kimmie – One word —> SHAZAM! ;-)

KaiserSoze

February 17th, 2012
9:49 am

Old School is simple – respect your lady at all times, put her first, use your manners, be prompt and punctual, and always be a gentleman. Never say or do anything that would embarrass you should your mother find out (certain situations exempt, of course).

kimmie - the original :)

February 17th, 2012
9:51 am

disco – I’m getting worked up too!!! I cannot stand that “let a man be a man” mess!!! Cannot stand it!! How can I or anyone prevent you from being what’s in you, what you are?? If you’re a wuss, don’t blame it on me!!! And naw, I ain’t “ride or die” over some mess either!!!

Slim – :lol:

Celisea

February 17th, 2012
9:53 am

And IMO, “old school” transcends across, a way of life…not just dating. There are men that feel only certain women garner respect. There are men, no matter a woman’s behavior will take the high road and maintain respect. Not because he feels it’s just or due but because that’s what his mama taught him.

I make this point because there are men that are cameleons and will mimick and mock what you project. There are men that say they can only respect a certain type of woman and there are men that just outright respect the gender.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

February 17th, 2012
9:58 am

Someone define what is meant (in their own terms) by “let a man be a man” please? And, if would, articulate your opposition to the phrase.

Could be one definition or more..

Leggs

February 17th, 2012
9:58 am

My text back:

“Dude, are you f….ing kidding me?? We’ve never even gone out and you now want to disrespect me. Tks for letting me know what you really think of me. Please lose my number!”

kimmie - the original :)

February 17th, 2012
9:59 am

There are men that say they can only respect a certain type of woman and there are men that just outright respect the gender.

Celisea – Amen! And I prefer the latter!

disco

February 17th, 2012
10:01 am

celisea – sho’ you right. goes back to that home training.

dan – did you not hear kimmie and I say that we didn’t want to get worked up?

Celisea

February 17th, 2012
10:06 am

disco/kimmie – you can tell we’re old school…lol

Leggs – That was way too nice for buddy…good job though :)

Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB

February 17th, 2012
10:06 am

I consider myself a traditionalist, I still believe in chilvary, and also believe that in our personal relationships that our traditional gender roles are paramount, and help make a successful relationship. I am sure there are some who disagree, but every relationship needs a leader; and my world, that will always be me.

Leggs-your gentleman friend had been listening to that Eric Benet a little much with the Chocolate Thighs reference…

SlimNu

February 17th, 2012
10:06 am

Leggs – That’ll teach him! Did he have anything to say after that or did he run along with his tail between his legs? lol

Leggs

February 17th, 2012
10:06 am

@KaiserS ~ you got it!

Celisea

February 17th, 2012
10:12 am

Reminds of old fine Lee McGill…mmm mmm mmm He ALWAYS reminded me of Denzel. Those chicks at the job tried everything but buddy never broke. Always a gentleman, always composed, always poised….ALWAYS offered, asked, suggested…NEVER succumbed.

disco

February 17th, 2012
10:13 am

I’m curious. all of the guys who claim to be old-school/traditional in the respectful, chivalrous realm – is that something that you always were or something that you only embraced at a later age? was it in you in your youth but you ignored it to be roguish or did you learn it much later?

Leggs

February 17th, 2012
10:13 am

@Celisea ~ I know my mouth very well. I thought about calling and blasting him, but decided not too. I will pull out the machete when I truly need it. Apparently, he’s a natural a$$wipe and it probably wouldn’t have phased him.

@Jake ~ oh, is that where the reference comes from. Whew! I don’t get why these grown arse men are childish and don’t realize they are not dishing out compliments!!!!!! Maybe they do realize and are simply fishing to see who jumps on their bait/d—k!!! I ain’t that chick!

Leggs

February 17th, 2012
10:15 am

@SlimNu ~ he didn’t text back.

kimmie - the original :)

February 17th, 2012
10:15 am

Dan – I will do my best.

I respect people who don’t allow another person’s behavior or actions to dictate how they are going to conduct themselves. If you’re the man of the house, be it, regardless. Such men have my full respect. They have a quiet strength about them. Even the most overbearing women fall back when their around them.

Just like me. Nobody is going to “let me be a woman”. I’m one inside and out. Nothing anyone can do is going to change the way I act that’s going to take away any “womanhood” from me.

When a person says “let a man be a man” I just picture a wuss with no backbone that’s allowing someone to run over him. He’s not the man of the house and gets no respect because he’s a doormat.

That’s my take, though.

Celisea

February 17th, 2012
10:18 am

Leggs – I can bet my next check, some chick would have felt proud to get that text…lol I think many times a dude just jump out there and try and see if it will catch. I don’t even think it’s that deep. And I’m willing to bet oftentimes they’re surprised they own dang selves at what’s allowed. Now he’ll just move on and do that with the next chick until somebody responds thinking it’s cute. That’s how you know dudes don’t have the right intentions. When you have the right intentions, all that mess that worked in all your previous hookups is not something you approach a woman with where you could potentially be serious.

Celisea

February 17th, 2012
10:21 am

I can’t stand a man crybaby…ugh

kimmie - the original :)

February 17th, 2012
10:23 am

Celisea/Leggs – Yeah, some “new school” chick will think it’s cute!!LOL!!

Leggs

February 17th, 2012
10:24 am

I agree it’s not deep at all…he showed his true intentions w/o spending a dime (lol). He’s probably proud of himself.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

February 17th, 2012
10:24 am

@Kimmie

Thanks. I’ve had this conversation with several women friends and I am amazed by 1) what they think it means, 2) where it came from, and 3) their reaction to it.

All strike me as strange….and wrong (as in incorrect)

Leggs

February 17th, 2012
10:24 am

Another one bites the dust…hey hey hey!!! NEXT…

Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB

February 17th, 2012
10:25 am

Disco- its both..its in you and learned…as a man, you a naturally the dominant gender; therefore certain things you know to do with regard to relating to a woman…some women challenge that notion. If you did not have that natural instinct nourished by viewing healthy male/female relationships, you may digress and project less than gentlemanly behavior. I luckily had very good examples from my parents, therefore its easy to stay in this space. Most men will be the gentleman that he should be for the appropriate woman, thats not speculation, thats a fact…

Be back shortly

Celisea

February 17th, 2012
10:28 am

Kimmie – Before the day is out, if he sends as blast text, somebody will respond, thus the weekend is set.

disco

February 17th, 2012
10:30 am

aww kimmie. now I have to add my two cents. I always took it to be sort of like overlooking when a man is messing up/not handling business and then the woman steps in to repair the damage but still has to stay low key and let the man take credit for it. OR allowing a man to do certain things (cheating, excessive drinking or gambling) and turning a blind eye to it. essentially in my mind “letting a man be a man” is simply enabling certain men to feel better about themselves but not forcing them to do the things that would allow them to feel better about themselves. not saying it’s my place to put him down. just saying it’s not my place to pretend that he’s more than he is.

I’ve heard men interpet it as women being too dominant or aggressive and not allowing them to call shots. dan – is that your take? that it means women are attempting to “be the man”?

Bluzgirl

February 17th, 2012
10:34 am

Just realizing that I have to think about all these things now that I will be back in the dating world! Ugh!!! I’m so not looking forward to it. I want a man to be respectful, chivalrous, and the chaser. Also, it’s time for me to find a man who can actually afford to take me out on a proper date! LOL!!! It’s going to be a while, though, before I’m ready to put myself out there…

Leggs

February 17th, 2012
10:37 am

@Celisea ~ I’m cracking up at “blast text.” Didn’t think of that, and you may possibly be right. Damn shame…

Celisea

February 17th, 2012
10:39 am

Leggs – Girl, I don’t put nothing past some jokers. You would think after so long some of this mess would dwindle….guess not

M. (pronouced M dot)

February 17th, 2012
10:40 am

Happy friady.

“Do you consider yourself old school? Are you big on tradition? How does it impact your dating experiences on the modern dating scene in Atlanta?

Good day. I think I am fairly balanced on my dating mentality. I think there are things guys should unquestionably do and there are things going on in the dating scene that I disagree with.

I think the big problem now is some women use tradition as an excuse and when they can gain something from it. Some women use it as a get out of jail free card and when it is convenient.

My friend once was saying that she is a traditionalist in the sense that in marriage with 2 working adults, the guy should pay the mortgage and all the bills and she take care of the misc things. Does this seem like a partnership? Does anyone agree with this?

Leggs

February 17th, 2012
10:43 am

@disco ~ that’s how I interpret the words as well…”enabling, turning a blind’s eye”

Willie Dynamite

February 17th, 2012
10:44 am

Morning All –
On topic – I am somewhat a Tradiionalist. I have plenty of Old School tendencies that are at the core of who I am and ultimately dictates my personality and how I interact with Women.

Side Topic – I don’t subscribe to the ‘Let a Man be a Man’ conversation. By any definition you choose it’s a losing battle if you are having that discussion. In my opinion the moment a Woman has to decide in her mind if she should “Let you be a Man” then dude you are not The Man. You are just “playing the role as Man in this episode”.

Leggs

February 17th, 2012
10:46 am

If she’s such a tradionalist, traditionally, the man worked and the woman stayed home and that’s why he paid all the bills. 2 working adults, both pay the bills. If he wants to pay the mortgage, she pays the utilities and food bill. However they split the bills, one shouldn’t pay it all.

kimmie - the original :)

February 17th, 2012
10:47 am

disco – I take it your way as well. It incompasses all that, to me.

I don’t take pride in putting down or belittling anyone, making them feel dumb or like they can’t handle something. It’s a way to help any adult or child out when they come up a little short without making them feel less about themselves. Nobody is perfect, that’s just everyday life. In a relationship, you balance out the strengths and weaknesses. But as I stated before, I’m not dumbing down or pouring syrup on your mistakes just so you can feel like a man, I shouldn’t have to. As for that “boys will be boys” stuff and overlooking bad behavior, again, not gonna happen, cause that’s not my definition of being a man or manhood.

Flash Light...Neon Light

February 17th, 2012
10:48 am

I’m Ole School and I make no apologies for it…so throw ya hands in the air and wave’em like you just don’t care. Somebody screammmmmmm