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Love, Not Actually

Imagine being on a date on the supposedly most romantic night and someone drops the L-word on you. Imagine the awkwardness of the moment when you don’t say it back!

People use the word love rather frivolously. I love chocolate. I love the show Fringe. When it comes to true love, do you say it when you feel it? Do you say it when you are unsure?

Have you ever been in a new relationship and got caught up in the moment and told someone you loved them?

What would you do if someone you had “strong feelings” for professed love way too soon?

Yesterday we talked about how will you know, but what do you do when you know for sure that you are not in love…and they are?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

177 comments Add your comment

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
7:54 am

Good Morning MIA!!!!!

hmmmmm Interesting topic……….is there a I Love You time frame……….chuckle! ;)

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
8:07 am

Good morning!

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
8:12 am

Yesterday we talked about how will you know, but what do you do when you know for sure that you are not in love…and they are? – Ummm, tricky because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. But, if the L word was said to me and I didn’t feel the same, I’d probably hedge around and say something like “awwww, I love things about you too…”

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:16 am

good answer Missy! ;)

Mr. Unknown

February 15th, 2012
8:23 am

Good Morning

“Awwww, I love things about you too…” = Push me off the roof!!! Damm!! Thats funny!! lol! Hey, at least you said something back to them.

David

February 15th, 2012
8:23 am

Had it happen recently and it is indeed a rough patch of water to navigate. While I LIKE her (and I like her a lot) I really can’t bring myself to utter the “L” word. Maybe it’s because I feel the affection, but not the electricity that I always had when I did say it (only in two of my past relationships and I’m 48). She got upset and hasn’t said it since, but we are still very affectionate to each other and to things for each other all the time. I can’t put my finger on it, but I won’t say it until I am absolutely sure.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:24 am

that isn’t pushing you off the roof Mr U! LOL that is being honest……#smirk Morning Sir!

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:25 am

That is fair David. Stay true to thy own self~

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
8:28 am

@Mr. ~ I know, it’s still comes off as a shady comment, but a little something is better than a lot of nothing. :wink:

SlimNu

February 15th, 2012
8:30 am

If someone tells you they love you but you aren’t there yet, simply say Thank You ;-)

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:31 am

hmmmmmm it is fair to be in two different places…..I have said it and meant it and didn’t get a response once. I really wasn’t offended bc I know where he stood. I truly loved him and I didn’t hide it or apologize for it….I was at peace with it bc I was being true

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:31 am

nice Slim! lol

George Costanza

February 15th, 2012
8:32 am

Yeah, Jerry….I said it. I said “I love you.” and she just left it out there alone. Like an unused Matsa ball. I tell you what….I am NEVER saying THAT again!

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:33 am

but with lust and love there is a fine line…….. differentiate accordingly ;)

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
8:38 am

That will work too, SlimNu.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:39 am

people love differently too………….and express it differently….just be open and not get too disappointed with no response….just a thought maybe …..there is hope!

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:43 am

but if it is not there then it is not and that must be respected….don’t be a fool…only once not over and over….lol

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:45 am

I need to do a powerpoint and I don’t want to :( sigh lol

Mr. Unknown

February 15th, 2012
8:45 am

I remember that pit of your stomach feeling, when I said I love you for the first time! Your like dang did I just put myself too far out there that a saftey rope can’t reach. I cover myself, I took the punk route and said I know that you are not ready to say this but Iam “Im in love with you”. I didn’t get the Im in love with you too but I felt good that I got my feelings out there. Take the bull by the horns and live your life. At the very least it should it created a conversation topic for the both of us. We were both so solid in our friendship with each other that I got it in return… eventually lol…

Early in life I was to macho to say I love you. Now having dealt with lifes little and big issues I refuse to live with fear. Saying I love you should be one of the easiest things to do. Now I don’t mean on the first date or within the first couple of weeks but within your comfort level.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:48 am

Early in life I was to macho to say I love you. Now having dealt with lifes little and big issues I refuse to live with fear. Saying I love you should be one of the easiest things to do. Now I don’t mean on the first date or within the first couple of weeks but within your comfort level. <<<<<<<<<<Worth Repeating! Love this!

Mr. Unknown

February 15th, 2012
8:49 am

Morning ~Sunshine!

Harder....please..

February 15th, 2012
8:51 am

Oh the drama of not being married…

Why does “I love you” require any response beyond “thank you”?. If someone asks you if you love them, and you don’t, try this response -”I don’t love you.”

This isn’t rocket science.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:52 am

Bluzgirl

February 15th, 2012
9:00 am

I’ve had a situation where I told someone I was falling in love with him and he said that he didn’t deserve my love and he was sorry. Talk about crushing!

I was in a LTR several years ago where the guy didn’t say it unless I said it first. Sometimes he would say, “I love you, but not the way you want me to.”

I also have learned that life is too short and have some friends die over the past few years that were way too young. When I feel it, I say it. I say it to my mom every single time we get off the phone. I say it to my best friends. When you love someone, anyone, you say it if you feel it. At this point in my life, I don’t care if they don’t say it back. I’d rather have the truth than someone say it and not mean it.

disco

February 15th, 2012
9:12 am

good morning.

leggs – “I love things about you too”. I don’t know, that might be worse than “olive juice”.

If someone tells you they love you but you aren’t there yet, simply say Thank You.
Or you can say “I love me too” – okay. guess I’m not taking this seriously enough.

I’m not the one that verbalizes it too much. my own mother nearly has to drag it out of me and I’ll usually say something like “yeah yeah yeah, love you too”. my son and I don’t do that type exchange on the regular. we are more like “you cool? yeah, I’m cool. cool.” it works for me.

I joke about one co-worker in particular who speaks to her children on the phone literally dozens of times a day. (I’m in close proximity so I overhear). I have told her that she “loves” her kids more than anybody I know. I’m all for folks who say I love you every time they talk but I can’t understand why they have to talk umpteen times a day. frankly it’s annoying and I think the office needs to crack down on personal phone calls. (I know I sound ugly but I’m not exaggerating the amount of calls here)

Mr. Unknown

February 15th, 2012
9:14 am

How is Misadventures in Atlanta helping you complete your powerpoint today, lol. “I need to do a powerpoint and I don’t want to sigh lol” don’t be using us to avoid your daily chores. lol. Just kidding.

Bluzgirl, pretty much! What a difference saying I love you can make in someones life. Shoot I feel great hearing someone tell me they love me. It means I’m leaving my stamp on someone’s life and vice versa.

Saddest thing in the world to see, someone die and there are only 15 people that attend their funeral.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
9:16 am

LOL Mr U it helps in more ways than one believe that! ;) #funny

MsMarriedUp

February 15th, 2012
9:16 am

…yes, this one is a hard one too. Must admit I don’t say this word to just anyone, though have recalled one time (a long while back) when I said it, and the moment I did I thought…damn…I bet I shouldn’t have said that.

it just seems to throw people off, and make them uncomfortable. So I just use the word in that generic fashion and with those where we say it so much to each other that it really NOW does have meaning.

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
9:27 am

@disco ~ Or you can say “I love me too” – that will get me to leave you where you stand…too condescending and insensitive. I realize you were kidding, kinda sorta (lol).

Mr. Unknown

February 15th, 2012
9:42 am

Lady~ I believe ya.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
9:44 am

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
9:57 am

alrighty one part is done now one more! #progressing

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
10:09 am

Very funny indeed! You want to date that one,the One who intrigues you but you place a time limit on love?

Very shallow and self centered!

Lady,good question you asked about time limit.

If you luv him/her just spout it. Nothing awkward about it unless you are,Again, self centered/selfish.

Loving or receiving luv has to be on your terms/time frame?

Never heard of that.

And you wonder why some folks are single?

Belch(wocka Flacka style!) :lol:

Mr. Unknown

February 15th, 2012
10:16 am

Alright, I’m out… Starting the second part of the day.

Try telling a random person (friend of a friend, co-worker, bill collector, blog friend) in your life you love them. You never know the smallest thing to you may mean a lot to someone else. Besides some ya’ll need the pratice anyway!! lol.. Love you Lady~ Have a good and Productive day!

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:17 am

Love you too Mr U! Have a great day!!!! ;)

Mr. Unknown

February 15th, 2012
10:17 am

You know what re-thinking that last statement, uhh be a little selective in who you say this too. Don’t create your own stalker…

Mike P

February 15th, 2012
10:18 am

When it comes to true love, do you say it when you feel it? Do you say it when you are unsure?
– I would say it when I am sure, until then, I would “show” my feelings, while increasing the frequency rate of my outward expression and loving gestures.

What would you do if someone you had “strong feelings” for professed love way too soon?
–I don’t really understand the question… If I had “strong feelings” (emotional feelings I’m guessing) for her, how can she profess love too soon? I would think it would be on point.

Yesterday we talked about how will you know, but what do you do when you know for sure that you are not in love…and they are?
— depends on what role she plays in my mind… if she’s a short term chick, she gets cut from the team while the long-term “wifey type” would NOT be led astray. I would lead this women up the path of growth & prosperity, with me.

Morning!

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
10:20 am

Morning All!

Exiled – I don’t get your post at all. What is shallow & self-centered about the topic? It is uncomfortable when one has stronger feelings for you, or has come to “love” you at a quicker pace than you have.

No there is not a time limit, per se, but I’m not going to take you seriously if I just met you a week ago either.

I seem to recall a few years ago you slamming me and calling me desperate when my now husband told me he loved me after we had been dating a year. So yeah, for some there is a “time limit” – even you! :wink:

I just don’t get what’s selfish and self-centered. It takes a lot to put your love, front and center, out there when you’re not sure the other feels the same.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:23 am

Mr U you funny!

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:24 am

say if you mean it period….a stalker has mental issues and the word is used loosely but I feel your thought process! ;)

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:29 am

interesting Kimmie!!! good stuff!

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
10:30 am

O/T ~ I just took out a blue horsepill called Alka-Seltzer Cold and it has literally disappeared. I can’t find it anywhere. Not on the floor, not under papers, it has vanished right before my freaking eyes!!!!

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:30 am

Karma – the joy of watching someone get what they deserve. Professionalism – the ability to sit back and enjoy the show and keep your mouth shut. #random

disco

February 15th, 2012
10:30 am

mr. unknown – during childhood fights with my brother he would say “I love you” while we were supposed to be fighting. boy that got under my skin.

and now I’ve got lenny Williams in my head.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:32 am

lol disco love that song!

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
10:36 am

Used to love that song a lot, now it gets on my nerves. Beggingest song of all time (lol).

disco

February 15th, 2012
10:37 am

and the award for “beggingest song of all time goes to”…

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:39 am

disco they put Kemin that category know! chile that man can sang and they can say what they want lol they say he is a whiner but Kem can get it !!!! LOL he is awesome in concert!

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
10:40 am

Kimmie?

I am not saying exactly what you are saying but I understand where I may have misled.

My assumption is you are dating somebody and you now ‘know’ them and have developed Deep feelings for them.

Say it. To hold back because you don’t think they will reciprocate or they may not is selfish.

Saying they luv you after a year of dating is late,I think,especially if you have been dating non stop.

I think what u are recalling is me calling desperate,a person who married after a brief courtship. That is proly what the discussion was.
I have professed luv,in the past after weeks of dating. I couldn’t have said what u attribute me saying ,then,about u Kimmie.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:43 am

meant now and not know sheesh! LOL

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:44 am

Ex great post!

disco

February 15th, 2012
10:46 am

lady – I saw kem in concert some years back and while I, too, thought he did great what I remember the most was the guy who was making all of the abstract background sounds. it was so interesting.

ex – I know a chick who met a guy online in November and was married to him in January of the following year. yep. a whopping 3 months. she ultimately sold her house and moved to his city and everything.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:49 am

he reminds me of al jarreau disco…………..

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:50 am

part two is done now to cite info! YES!!! this is a long weekend coming up and I am going to enjoy! 2012 has started out awesome! ;)

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
10:52 am

Exiled – I understand better now what you mean by selfish. But call me selfish then, because I stepped out there and said it first to my first serious boyfriend and got my feelings hurt. I since then never held back SHOWING because that’s me, but I never said it first again.

No, I am quite clear about when you slammed me. You thought it was late, just as you’re saying now. You asked “are you that desperate?” It hurt my feelings. Remember the blogger Cemeeli? She sweetly pointed out to you that while yes, we’d been dating a year, he was being a little careful, having his wife pass after over 10 years of marriage and 2 little kids. He wasn’t going to just jump out there. But he had been showing me in every way.

It’s nice to say there’s no time limit on things, but in all of our heads, there really is.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:55 am

you right Kimmie! Miss Cemeeli too….I guess my point is with time frame I am not waiting to a specific date or event to say it it will happen effortlessly responsibly if that makes sense

disco

February 15th, 2012
10:56 am

speaking of al jarreau. my mom and aunt always speak of an al jarreau concert they went to way back in the day. apparently the concert was in the middle of winter and there was a big snow storm and a lot of people didn’t bother to come out. my mother says there were probably only about 20 people at the concert and it was the best concert she’s ever been to in her life.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:59 am

he is awesome disco i have his greatest hits and saw him here in Atlanta before! he still has it!

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
11:00 am

he has been sick too disco

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
11:02 am

disco – I went to a Boney James concert at Chastain that was rained out. A lot of folks didn’t show, so we were able to move up closer. Boney rocked it and we had a blast, rain and all.

I’ve seen Al Jarreau twice and he always puts on a fabulous show!

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
11:06 am

disco – I’m all about any and everyone doing what works for them and marching to their own drum. I’ve known plenty of folks that have done just like your example – met & married within a few months. I knew a couple that did that. They got divorced about 20 years later and would you believe people tried to blame it on them marrying too quick! After 20 years, that’s not the reason, I would think!

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
11:06 am

I understand Kimmie..I am sorry I hate your feelings.

but it’s fair to say there were extenuating circumstances for your guy.

And I think you urself were patient and willing to drag on for a year without hearing the L word because you knew his situation.

You are a chic and all chics on the blog can testify that if you’re dating a dude and he is doing everything right to you and you to him and you two are inseperable, most of u expect to hear the L word well be4 ur 12 months anniversary. Right?

I know from my experience the chic starts the ‘we need to talk” talk! :lol:

@Disco? That’s what I’m talking bout 3 months really… :lol:

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
11:06 am

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
11:06 am

NP Michael McDonald—-Keep Forgetting we are Not in Love Anymore!!!! LOL #irony

disco

February 15th, 2012
11:15 am

kimmie – my acquaintance that did the quick wedding said a lot of folks dogged her for it. I might have if her circumstances had been different but I pointed out that she was older (she was close to 50, guy was 30 something), didn’t have any children that she was uprooting. I only advised her not to sell her house right away just in case.

ex – by now you know I’m not typical. this most recent ex would irk me with that love stuff. I have literally sucked in my breath and rolled my eyes when he started in on it. not my bag. I don’t need to hear it all like that.

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
11:21 am

Exiled – Yeah, all things being equal and we are inseperable, yes I can see him saying it before a year. I’ve not really had it be an issue. The times it didn’t happen, I was being played and knew it so I was not expecting it.

What is your opinion on this then – I have a friend who has been seeing this guy for about a year and a half. It is long distance, but they see each other pretty regularly, about every 2 weeks. He treats her like gold and they even flew out to Vegas for my wedding. She has told him she loves him, but he never says it, ever. He’s just said, “I know”.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
11:25 am

@Disco.. Yeah I think u and I need to get together.

I am not mushy dovey luvey like that either!
:lol:

It’s like this Valentine’s day crap. Really gets on my last nerve! :lol:

On an everyday kinda level,I am like,’if we got money,let’s go to Bones’ if we broke,let’s stay home.

No need to be doing the restaurant rounds just coz it’s Valentines day.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
11:29 am

Kimmie?

she is sure she is not an ‘out of state’ fling and he’s not married?

unless somebody has some underlying scars underneath,I don’t understand how u can do everything with a woman like that for that long and not say it,not even once.

I don’t get that one.

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:29 am

Actions always speak louder than words. Like I said a few blog posts ago, I need to be fed and I’m prone to get impatient if it’s not happening. So for me, hearing it is nice but I don’t REEEAAALLLY have to hear it when your actions surmounts saying it. I’ve always been a woman that needs it…that needs to see it more than feeling it. Really I tend to get more aggrevate with sweet words that eventually don’t pan out to much or don’t match the actions.

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
11:29 am

@disco ~ what feminie qualities would you say you do possess, besides having female body parts. I mean no disrespect by this question, but so many of your posts make you sound like you have the biggest brick wall up and you may not even know it.

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:30 am

that needs to see it more than feeling it

I meant need to see it more than hearing it

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:31 am

Leggs – LOL…well dernit just ask whatcha wanna know…LOL

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:32 am

There are a looot of esses in my posts that shouldn’t have been…lol Gotta be so careful and correct on the blog nowadays

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:33 am

aggrevated…okay, now I’m done rereading

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
11:34 am

LOL C~ glad to read ya!!!

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
11:35 am

Damn Celisea ~ we must be sisters. I have griped many of times about “sweet nothings” on this blog. Give me action any day, every day. Words form sentences and sentences form paragraphs. Still a bunch of words/jibber jabber. If your actions are not in conjuction with those words, they mean absolutely nada to me.

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:36 am

Hey Lady! What’s crackalackin?

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
11:37 am

@Celisea ~ too funny. Yeah, sometimes “tact” is not my friend (lolol).

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:38 am

Leggs – That’s why I say for a man to step to me, please come with the real. Don’t bring nothing that worked in the past. Sooo many woman are lost and caught up with words. I’m nodding as we talking but I’m looking around the corner to see a play of action. I’m talking shortly following not long drawn out and to play out over a year. Those kind of actions make me think you took it straight from the play book…lol

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:41 am

Does anyone know a good remedy for burn scars? My hands are ugly right now. I have burn scars on my hands and arm. My kid was VOLUNTEERED to cook while on the phone. Food started to burn so I jumped in and greased splattered on my hands and arm….pretty bad scars.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
11:43 am

nothing sis just finished this powerpoint free and I am FREE! yay!!!!

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
11:45 am

Good Grief, how many burns do you have? Are they going to “bubble up?”

disco

February 15th, 2012
11:47 am

leggs – no offense taken by the question. if anything the brick wall comment gets annoying (not just from you. I hear it from others). folks seem to think you have to be what they expect “every woman” to be. I’m not. I’m different. I’m cool with it. I’ve always been a little rough around the edges. as a child it was a fight for my mother to get me in girlie clothes and she still talks about how I could put a hurting on a pair of leotards by the end of the school day. I hated skirts as a child. love skirts/dresses as an adult (something to do with being told I’ve got pretty legs so you have to work what you have). I’ve never really had a nurturing personality but I’ve always been a hardworker and responsible so I guess I’ve always had the provider personality. I’ve taken vocational assessment tests over the years and they always say the same thing. I’m suited for law enforcement, military, legal, science/research etc.

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
11:48 am

Sorry about the burns, McDerma (sp) may help with the healing process.

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:48 am

Leggs – I have a pretty significant place on my inner arm (2nd degree). It’s healed but my color has not come back. On my hands the grease splashed in different places. Those places are now healed as well but the scars remain.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
11:50 am

ok be back later folks! ;)

disco

February 15th, 2012
11:50 am

celisea – have you tried shea butter?

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:52 am

disco – I haven’t. Think I’ll walk down to CVS and see if they have some or at least what the pharmacist can recommend.

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
11:52 am

My comment on the brick wall was something I too was told most of my young adult life so reading you I kinda figured you probably have heard it. I too am rough around the edges, hated girly girly clothes, never wore skirts or dresses until I got into college. I’ve been guarded my entire life. Although I am now prissy and always wear skirts and dresses, I understand all that you have said.

Glad you’re comfortable in your own skin because that is all that matters! Good for you!

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
11:55 am

Disco?

dating assessment questions for ya:

what’s ur fav position

u get down on a dude

u verbalize pleasure and enjoyment when in the cut

whatc do u say when he’s doing it right? and u enjoying it No comment?

U cook

U buy birthday gifts for a dude u seeing

disco

February 15th, 2012
12:05 pm

leggs – yeah I get the guarded thing all the time too though I don’t really see that as a negative so much as good sense. if you are just wide open there’s no telling what kind of foolishness you will attract.

ex – only you. I won’t entertain all of your questions but I’ll throw you a bone. I live alone and so I don’t cook as often as I could but I do know how to cook. and by know how to cook I mean I’m a “scratch” cook. homemade mac and cheese (I get insulted when folks think a grown person is supposed to eat kraft), neckbones/black eyed peas, 7-up cakes, peach cobblers. the real. still, I don’t cook all the time. yes, I’ll buy gifts for a guy I’m seeing. I won’t go into my sex life other than to say that some guys that I haven’t ever even been involved with have joked that I’m probably even bossy in bed to which I countered you have to know what you want and you have to know how to ask for it.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
12:14 pm

Disco..that’s was good enough.

So growing up as a teenage and adult 20 to 30 ish chic,has marriage Ever been on your mind like it is on a lot of chics at that age?

disco

February 15th, 2012
12:17 pm

I didn’t really even consider marriage until mid 30s. silly me. I didn’t realize that by the time I hit my mid 30s a lot of the brothers would be played out and/or picked over.

SlimNu

February 15th, 2012
1:01 pm

Ex – I think we need to do an intervention on you…your preoccupation with sex chat gets over the top many a days. :roll:

We have no desire to know if you wack your willy on a regular basis, how many hands you use, what type of lube/jelly/vaseline/lotion you use, if you talk dirty to yourself and what you do with the clean up rag…

Willie Dynamite

February 15th, 2012
1:07 pm

Afternoon All,

On Topic – I have never ever said ILY first. I really only been in a few serious relationships where a discussion about it was even warranted. At that point it was mutual and no big deal.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
1:19 pm

Slim?

On dating,misadventures site I thought dating and the natural extension thereof is more appropriate than talking bout some of the other stuff uall talking about.

I know by asking those questions and the answers I got, some dudes won’t approach Disco coz she don’t go down and don’t holla in bed.

Lotta dudes like the ego boost of a loud hollering lady! :lol:

Audra

February 15th, 2012
1:21 pm

Say it when you feel it, and not because of what you anticipate the other person’s response will be.

That being said, too early into the relationship is creepy! If you’ve been dating someone for three weeks and you think you love them, hold off on that b/c that’s probably lust/infatuation.

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
1:24 pm

Good Grief, Ex, your 11:55 is so out of order. Nothing new there!

SlimNu

February 15th, 2012
1:25 pm

Ex – I don’t see disco telling a dude she is newly dating, that she doesn’t speak into mics but I could be wrong. It’s not their business unless we have determined that any adult pleasuring is going to go on,

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
1:26 pm

“…some dudes won’t approach Disco coz she don’t go down and don’t holla in bed.” – how do you think they would know that type of stuff Ex. That makes absolutely no sense.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
1:31 pm

Nope Slim,I’m just saying If,somehow u got some inside info bout a dude u were eyeing and the info ain’t that favorable,u wldnt want to waste time dating dude anyway.

Same here with sex talk…it doesn’t get talked about upfront but if u happen to know another chic that knows another that went out with dude and it wasn’t pretty,u skip,Right!

@Slim?

Would u date a dude that don’t bow down on All knees? :lol:

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
1:37 pm

@Ex ~ anything is possible. Cunninglus (sp?) isn’t the end of all things/relationship. As noted, Queen married you.

SlimNu

February 15th, 2012
1:38 pm

Ex – what are the odds that someone is going to know that type of info about about a person one may have interest in? And I have dated a guy that did not give earmuffilectomies. However, we dated for at least 3 to 4 months before we even talked about that kind of thing. I was not excited about it but we never got that far along for it to be an issue.

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
1:45 pm

It’s a lost cause. He’s so skewed and jaded in his way of thinking. Why bother? He runs left at the slightest of hearing what he thought he heard. I may have missed a post or two but I don’t think disco said one way or the other what she does or doesn’t will or won’t do.

Everybody in their right mind know that one person’s dating experience will not be the same as another. Unless you’re looking to get feedback and have a try at it I can’t see anybody saying they won’t try if it didn’t work for the first person. Who does that? Who passes stories along all for the next person to take a stab? Most men that discuss experiences with their male friends does so with the understanding and assumption that you won’t be taking a try. I would presume women do the same. Not the way it works all the time but unless someone is running game or playing games no one shares stories all for you to beware of your turn or taking a turn.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
1:46 pm

Dating for 3/4 months be4 earmufflectomies?

He was a real Slow mover wasn’t he?

3 months? Daamn!

So he was taking u out to spots for all these 3/4 months?

Here in the A Slim,u better off knowing,dontcha think?

I know u sly chics will put on a sexy dress and will ‘accidentally’or seemingly unintentionally bump on dude’s grill just to test the zip on his transmission well before u go there!

Don’t front now! :lol:

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
1:48 pm

And what the hell is “all knees?” We ain’t got but two at the most.

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
1:49 pm

Lost in translation….everything

SlimNu

February 15th, 2012
1:56 pm

Ex – we would have great lengthy convo’s aboiut almost everything but sex and it was a welcomed change. Everyone doesn’t pull out the sex questionaire like you would within the 1st 48hrs. Yes we were going out whenever time permitted. There were even times I stayed at his spot and he would sleep on the couch or in another room.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
1:59 pm

Slim..he wasn’t feeling u like that. Friend zone.

did he pinch ur butt or cop a feel anywhere?

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
2:03 pm

@Ex ~ is Queen even remotely aware of your twisted twin????

disco

February 15th, 2012
2:07 pm

ex – (1:19) you mean a lot of men like it when their women fake it?

everybody else – first off “ain’t nobody stuttin ex” – his little sex questionnaire didn’t really put me off. now this isn’t really the forum for it but I’ve been at get togethers, card parties whatever where the conversation took that turn. trust. I’ll say what I feel like saying and I’ll get downright verbally raunchy with the best of them. remember I’m the chick that will call a man out for what he’s bragging on. show me what you working with!!!

SlimNu

February 15th, 2012
2:08 pm

Ex – this is where I back up outta the convo…You’re all on the wrong street in the wrong city on the wrong side of the world.

Leggs – Either he has a problem or he doesn’t get much action…acts like a cat in heat lol

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
2:08 pm

She knows I like it

I don’t think she views that as twisted more as natural

it’s not taboo certainly

why wld a dude approach a stranger chic honestly if ’smash’ ain’t in the equation?

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
2:13 pm

It’s rid ic ulou, SlimNu!

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
2:14 pm

Like it and the way you talk about it are two different things.

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
2:14 pm

I too am done…

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
2:22 pm

No difference in my book

Now I understand u coy bout it

Cool

SlimNu

February 15th, 2012
2:31 pm

Sooo, what did yall do for Vday? We chilled at the house and watched a movie….may go out this weekend.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
2:33 pm

Slim..I did what I do most week days,homework with the kids

Chill

nothing different bout the day

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
2:35 pm

Haven’t you all ever heard the saying “An empty wagon makes the most noise?”

Slim – We took the kids to Ruby Tuesday & then chilled with a movie too.

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
2:37 pm

I worked on scholarship money over a bottle of wine (lol).

disco

February 15th, 2012
2:40 pm

yep kimmie. and the squeaky wheel gets the grease, a closed mouth don’t get fed, if you can hunh you can hear, don’t have a pot nor a window…. I could go on. I love all those little sayings. my mother used to say so and so didn’t have eye water to cry with. when I was a kid I used to think so and so must be in awful bad shape not to have eye water.

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
2:41 pm

Never heard it called “eye water.”

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
2:42 pm

Don’t forget, a hit dog will holla…

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
2:42 pm

Disco if Kimmie is saying my balls are empty I got no problem with that.

disco

February 15th, 2012
2:44 pm

my grandma used to say “broke as the ten commandments” (which I think is hilarious because we all know those commandments stay broken). my other grandma used to say “you don’t eat because you’re hungry, you eat to keep from getting hungry”. we hated to hear that when we were kids because usually we had to stop playing to eat and tried to get out of it by talking about we weren’t hungry.

SlimNu

February 15th, 2012
2:44 pm

Leggs – hahaha

Kimmie – you make me wanna go by there to get a salad Mmmm

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
2:46 pm

disco – My mom & grandmama said “poor as a church mouse”

SlimNu

February 15th, 2012
2:47 pm

I’ve recently heard folks at work say something like, I’ll see you in the morning, God willing and the creek don’t rise. Or, so and so better watch it before I cloud up and rain down on her ass lol

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
2:50 pm

Nutier than a fruitcake!

disco

February 15th, 2012
2:51 pm

slim – now I like that one about clouding up and raining down. that’s new to me. I also grew up hearing “tight as dick’s hat band” and “strong as jack Johnson”. my grandma also accused a restaurant of serving her carrots that were “as hard as times were in 32”. y’all done got me nostalgic.

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
2:52 pm

I like that “cloud up” Never heard that either. There are a slew of country bumpkin sayings I’ve never heard. Not ill intent, but I know no other way of saying it. Country folk have all these cute sayings and bring them to the ears of us northerners (lololol).

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
2:54 pm

Cold as a witch’s tit…

Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater

Don’t have a pot to piss in

You’re tarbaby black

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
2:56 pm

I’ve heard the hat band one. Never heard the cloud up one.

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
2:56 pm

Like white on rice

disco

February 15th, 2012
2:57 pm

leggs – I am a northerner but all of my grandparents are from the deep south and they just took the country up north with them.

oooh leggs. not the tarbaby. that one gets my mother RILED UP. naturally she’s quite dark and as kids we had a grand old time playing the dozens. she could tolerate most of our jokes but tarbaby was like cussing in our house. she did not play that word.

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
3:01 pm

I’ll cut you down to the whitemeat….

@disco ~ I heard tarbaby so much growing up I didn’t know what it meant at first. I wasn’t called “tarbaby” but I heard others saying it.

Playing the dozens…took me way back!

SlimNu

February 15th, 2012
3:03 pm

P!ss or get off the pot

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
3:03 pm

I’ll be a monkey’s uncle…

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
3:06 pm

Kneehigh to a grasshopper!

Slim – I use that “get off the pot” one often myself!

disco

February 15th, 2012
3:07 pm

speaking of black (well tarbaby) did any of you ever hear/use the phrase “blue/black” or so black you look purple? anyway, I was out once with the ex who is quite dark. he was wearing a dark purple shirt. as we were waiting on dinner I looked up at him and it was like his face and shirt blended together. I thought of how as kids calling someone purple was a serious put down and I just bust out laughing. he wanted to know why I was laughing but I could hardly talk. when I did get my breath and told him what I was laughing at he had the nerve to tell me that his shirt wasn’t purple it was eggplant. that just made me laugh harder. boy that was funny. (at least to me – he wasn’t very amused).

SlimNu

February 15th, 2012
3:12 pm

My last regional mgr is VERY dark. I had a white co-worker gently ask me about the blue hue the mgr had. I couldn’t do anything but laugh at her. She was amazed at how dark or bluish the woman was :lol:

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
3:14 pm

Off topic – Why in the world do some of these idiot politicians think it’s necessary to waste taxpayer money to do drug tests on people before they can get unemployment or welfare? Did they learn from Florida’s example that it was just a big waste of money? If you are unemployed or applying for welfare, how can you afford drugs? Extremely misplaced priorities if you ask me. But nobody asked me, so I’ll get off my soapbox!!

disco

February 15th, 2012
3:21 pm

kimmie – you pose a damned good question. if you are unemployed/applying for welfare how do you get money for drugs? I say it’s a damned good question because I know countless folks with no jobs, no hustle, no pot, no window, no eye water BUT they can get their hands on a sack of weed (or their other drug of choice).

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
3:28 pm

disco – No doubt it happens, cause I’ve seen it. There is just no evidence that the unemployed/poor use drugs at any greater rate than any other group. Certainly not at a rate that would warrant the more than half a million dollars Florida spent on such tests and did not create any jobs or make anything better. They actually found an average of TWO applicants a month that tested positive! You know what could have been done with that half a million???

disco

February 15th, 2012
3:32 pm

I agree kimmie. that’s why I didn’t even broach that part of the equation. I just went straight to I also wonder how it is they manage to stay in supply. sometimes I ponder why I work so hard. I’ve realized that a lot of folks who don’t work have the same stuff (and in some cases, better stuff) than I have.

Velonese

February 15th, 2012
3:33 pm

L-word = deal breaker, enough said.

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
3:35 pm

Yep, have heard blue/black. Also have heard “black as midnight.”

GlammourGirl

February 15th, 2012
3:37 pm

kimmie – Not familiar with what happened in Florida, but did the number of applicants decrease? Maybe some people didn’t bother applying because they knew they would fail the drug test.

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
3:40 pm

I have been amazed at some people less fortunate than myself has the bigger house, the bigger tvs, nice cars, nice furniture, etc. That’s why I’m not jealous of anyone. I have no idea their struggle to maintain. All I know my struggle is very minimal. I’ve never played the game “keep up with the Joneses.”

disco

February 15th, 2012
3:43 pm

yeah. my mother drilled that into us in childhood – “never envy what someone else has because you don’t know what they had to do to get it”. still it can be a bitter pill to swallow when you are busting your hump to save up for that gadget and then one “falls off a truck” right in pookie’s front yard.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
3:47 pm

Kimmie?

I don’t know how much the drug tests cost but hopefully a way can be found to test cheaply without defeating the purpose of it all

But I’m All for testing if u are getting a handout from the taxpayer just to ensure the handout is not being diverted for other use

These jokers on welfare who sell their EBT or whatever name cards are so damn wrong

Fair is fair

There has to be an incentive to work

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
3:48 pm

Glamour – I thought maybe that too, but no.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
3:50 pm

Might I add,if u have to buy drugs,buy them with ur damn hard earned money

Not the govt/taxpayer money

Ijs

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
3:53 pm

Always have to laugh at the name Pookie and Junebug!

That has always been my motto, disco. I don’t know what they had to do to get what they got.

disco

February 15th, 2012
3:55 pm

what??? a grown man whining about fair. fair is where you go to ride rides and eat cotton candy. we all know not much is fair. I will say that the EBT food stamp cards must be the bomb. I remember being so embarrassed as a kid when you got caught with those paper food stamps in front of the wrong somebody. still, I will admit that we really enjoyed busting food stamps. (you know, they give you single food stamps to go buy 25 cents worth of candy to get the change back). I bought many a pack of kool filter kings/newports with the change from busting food stamps).

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
3:57 pm

No whining Disco

but just saying beggars can’t be choosers

Ijs

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
3:58 pm

Let me put it this way – it cost the state WAY more than it saved. And I hate seeing my money go to waste too on those that commit fraud, but there has to be a better, cheaper way.

I don’t care about what other folk have. I have no way of knowing how they got it – someone might have given it to them. What USED to make me mad is when I knew how much hard work and sacrifice I put in to get an education and thus, a good job, only to have someone stroll in that barely finished a GED get promoted ahead of me. Some joker selling their EBT card – it’s wrong, but karma’ll take care of that.

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
4:02 pm

I say USED to make me mad, because now I have the experience, clout and big mouth not to tolerate that mess!

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
4:15 pm

U can’t envy folks on welfare

U pity them

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
4:15 pm

Sorry I ran everybody away!LOL!!

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
4:18 pm

Exiled – I don’t envy anyone, but especially those less fortunate. I am blessed to not only have a job, but the ability to perform it. I feel for those that really want to work and for whatever reasons, such as health or physical reasons, cannot.

disco

February 15th, 2012
4:19 pm

exiled – beggars? heck, they don’t even have to beg. just ask and you shall receive with some of these benefits. I know for a fact that social workers have been known to go to college campuses and offer food stamp and medical benefits to students who lived in off campus housing.

kimmie – I’m still here. was kind of waiting in the cut for someone else to chime in. do we want to go back to old sayings. I submit “your mouth is going to write a check your behind can’t cash” or another favorite of my mother’s “shut your mouth and keep your teeth”.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
4:25 pm

Right Kimmie

I think the fraudsters or those of suck inkling make it tough for the ones who legitimately need help

Unemployed,sick etc

I despise anybody who steals

Period!

that includes the educated rich doctor doing Medicaid fraud.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
4:25 pm

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
4:27 pm

disco – Yeah, I had friends in college that went and got food stamps. I would not do it. Even though I was a “poor college student” I knew I was not poor in a technical sense. I had 2 professional parents that had my back. If things got tough, they were more than able to help me. They were paying for college! They had plenty to eat and would see to it that I did. I’m no saint, but I knew there were folks that truly needed those stamps.

disco

February 15th, 2012
4:30 pm

one of my cousins says that back in the day when she went to visit her caseworker the lady told her that it was good that she was able to stay home with her children. my cousin had 4 kids at the time and even she (my cousin) was surprised that the lady was encouraging her to stay home and be on welfare. guess the caseworker saw it as job security.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
4:36 pm

We ain’t talking bout sex but stealing and uall go Crickets?

hmmmmmmmmm

:lol:

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
4:38 pm

disco – Depending on how much the job was paying, after you factor in childcare costs, it may have been cheaper to stay home.

disco

February 15th, 2012
4:41 pm

definitely kimmie but you still wouldn’t expect the social worker to encourage a welfare recipient to not work, not seek work and simply stay home and get those benefits.

I’ve worked with folks who had back to back babies and child care was killing them. I know a few women who did opt to stay home simply because they were working essentially just to pay daycare. still, I’ve pointed out to friends/family in the past that the term “stay at home mom” in my opinion only applies to women who have “go to work husbands”. welfare mom isn’t quite the same thing. just my opinion.

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
4:44 pm

disco – I agree with you – that’s not a real “stay at home mom” in my opinion either. And the cycle has to stop – social workers should not be encouraging it.

Gotta go gang!

Be easy!

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
4:46 pm

Disco/Kim?

Now to add on to drug testing thing,if she has to get benefits coz the babies are killing her on day care,the gubernment has to give her a chill pill to stop the baby output.

Govt mustn’t promote female lay ups and birthing by giving freebies!

disco

February 15th, 2012
4:48 pm

well actually ex when I said getting killed by daycare I meant regular, working women. heck, welfare moms are good on daycare. they get vouchers for that.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
4:51 pm

Yea I know so gear is the deal

Govt had to tie those tubes and give a voucher for a max number of kids,say 3.

After that,welfare mum had to pay her way.

And welfare voucher beyond a certain number of months requires some stringent work conditions/stipulations.

Let get America To work!

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
4:53 pm

I’m running to be ur Congress man Blogsville!

Do I have ur vote!?

disco

February 15th, 2012
4:57 pm

you had me on the making folks work for their benefits but I had to pull back when you wanted to regulate folks’ reproductive systems. that’s crossing the line to me. going to far when you think you can tell somebody how many kids they can and can’t have. in that regard, I feel like the government and everyone else needs to stay in their lane.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
4:58 pm

Disco??

in that case u(mother of 6) u are on ur own!