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Love, Not Actually

Imagine being on a date on the supposedly most romantic night and someone drops the L-word on you. Imagine the awkwardness of the moment when you don’t say it back!

People use the word love rather frivolously. I love chocolate. I love the show Fringe. When it comes to true love, do you say it when you feel it? Do you say it when you are unsure?

Have you ever been in a new relationship and got caught up in the moment and told someone you loved them?

What would you do if someone you had “strong feelings” for professed love way too soon?

Yesterday we talked about how will you know, but what do you do when you know for sure that you are not in love…and they are?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

177 comments Add your comment

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:44 am

Ex great post!

disco

February 15th, 2012
10:46 am

lady – I saw kem in concert some years back and while I, too, thought he did great what I remember the most was the guy who was making all of the abstract background sounds. it was so interesting.

ex – I know a chick who met a guy online in November and was married to him in January of the following year. yep. a whopping 3 months. she ultimately sold her house and moved to his city and everything.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:49 am

he reminds me of al jarreau disco…………..

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:50 am

part two is done now to cite info! YES!!! this is a long weekend coming up and I am going to enjoy! 2012 has started out awesome! ;)

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
10:52 am

Exiled – I understand better now what you mean by selfish. But call me selfish then, because I stepped out there and said it first to my first serious boyfriend and got my feelings hurt. I since then never held back SHOWING because that’s me, but I never said it first again.

No, I am quite clear about when you slammed me. You thought it was late, just as you’re saying now. You asked “are you that desperate?” It hurt my feelings. Remember the blogger Cemeeli? She sweetly pointed out to you that while yes, we’d been dating a year, he was being a little careful, having his wife pass after over 10 years of marriage and 2 little kids. He wasn’t going to just jump out there. But he had been showing me in every way.

It’s nice to say there’s no time limit on things, but in all of our heads, there really is.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:55 am

you right Kimmie! Miss Cemeeli too….I guess my point is with time frame I am not waiting to a specific date or event to say it it will happen effortlessly responsibly if that makes sense

disco

February 15th, 2012
10:56 am

speaking of al jarreau. my mom and aunt always speak of an al jarreau concert they went to way back in the day. apparently the concert was in the middle of winter and there was a big snow storm and a lot of people didn’t bother to come out. my mother says there were probably only about 20 people at the concert and it was the best concert she’s ever been to in her life.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:59 am

he is awesome disco i have his greatest hits and saw him here in Atlanta before! he still has it!

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
11:00 am

he has been sick too disco

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
11:02 am

disco – I went to a Boney James concert at Chastain that was rained out. A lot of folks didn’t show, so we were able to move up closer. Boney rocked it and we had a blast, rain and all.

I’ve seen Al Jarreau twice and he always puts on a fabulous show!

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
11:06 am

disco – I’m all about any and everyone doing what works for them and marching to their own drum. I’ve known plenty of folks that have done just like your example – met & married within a few months. I knew a couple that did that. They got divorced about 20 years later and would you believe people tried to blame it on them marrying too quick! After 20 years, that’s not the reason, I would think!

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
11:06 am

I understand Kimmie..I am sorry I hate your feelings.

but it’s fair to say there were extenuating circumstances for your guy.

And I think you urself were patient and willing to drag on for a year without hearing the L word because you knew his situation.

You are a chic and all chics on the blog can testify that if you’re dating a dude and he is doing everything right to you and you to him and you two are inseperable, most of u expect to hear the L word well be4 ur 12 months anniversary. Right?

I know from my experience the chic starts the ‘we need to talk” talk! :lol:

@Disco? That’s what I’m talking bout 3 months really… :lol:

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
11:06 am

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
11:06 am

NP Michael McDonald—-Keep Forgetting we are Not in Love Anymore!!!! LOL #irony

disco

February 15th, 2012
11:15 am

kimmie – my acquaintance that did the quick wedding said a lot of folks dogged her for it. I might have if her circumstances had been different but I pointed out that she was older (she was close to 50, guy was 30 something), didn’t have any children that she was uprooting. I only advised her not to sell her house right away just in case.

ex – by now you know I’m not typical. this most recent ex would irk me with that love stuff. I have literally sucked in my breath and rolled my eyes when he started in on it. not my bag. I don’t need to hear it all like that.

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
11:21 am

Exiled – Yeah, all things being equal and we are inseperable, yes I can see him saying it before a year. I’ve not really had it be an issue. The times it didn’t happen, I was being played and knew it so I was not expecting it.

What is your opinion on this then – I have a friend who has been seeing this guy for about a year and a half. It is long distance, but they see each other pretty regularly, about every 2 weeks. He treats her like gold and they even flew out to Vegas for my wedding. She has told him she loves him, but he never says it, ever. He’s just said, “I know”.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
11:25 am

@Disco.. Yeah I think u and I need to get together.

I am not mushy dovey luvey like that either!
:lol:

It’s like this Valentine’s day crap. Really gets on my last nerve! :lol:

On an everyday kinda level,I am like,’if we got money,let’s go to Bones’ if we broke,let’s stay home.

No need to be doing the restaurant rounds just coz it’s Valentines day.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
11:29 am

Kimmie?

she is sure she is not an ‘out of state’ fling and he’s not married?

unless somebody has some underlying scars underneath,I don’t understand how u can do everything with a woman like that for that long and not say it,not even once.

I don’t get that one.

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:29 am

Actions always speak louder than words. Like I said a few blog posts ago, I need to be fed and I’m prone to get impatient if it’s not happening. So for me, hearing it is nice but I don’t REEEAAALLLY have to hear it when your actions surmounts saying it. I’ve always been a woman that needs it…that needs to see it more than feeling it. Really I tend to get more aggrevate with sweet words that eventually don’t pan out to much or don’t match the actions.

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
11:29 am

@disco ~ what feminie qualities would you say you do possess, besides having female body parts. I mean no disrespect by this question, but so many of your posts make you sound like you have the biggest brick wall up and you may not even know it.

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:30 am

that needs to see it more than feeling it

I meant need to see it more than hearing it

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:31 am

Leggs – LOL…well dernit just ask whatcha wanna know…LOL

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:32 am

There are a looot of esses in my posts that shouldn’t have been…lol Gotta be so careful and correct on the blog nowadays

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:33 am

aggrevated…okay, now I’m done rereading

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
11:34 am

LOL C~ glad to read ya!!!

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
11:35 am

Damn Celisea ~ we must be sisters. I have griped many of times about “sweet nothings” on this blog. Give me action any day, every day. Words form sentences and sentences form paragraphs. Still a bunch of words/jibber jabber. If your actions are not in conjuction with those words, they mean absolutely nada to me.

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:36 am

Hey Lady! What’s crackalackin?

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
11:37 am

@Celisea ~ too funny. Yeah, sometimes “tact” is not my friend (lolol).

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:38 am

Leggs – That’s why I say for a man to step to me, please come with the real. Don’t bring nothing that worked in the past. Sooo many woman are lost and caught up with words. I’m nodding as we talking but I’m looking around the corner to see a play of action. I’m talking shortly following not long drawn out and to play out over a year. Those kind of actions make me think you took it straight from the play book…lol

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:41 am

Does anyone know a good remedy for burn scars? My hands are ugly right now. I have burn scars on my hands and arm. My kid was VOLUNTEERED to cook while on the phone. Food started to burn so I jumped in and greased splattered on my hands and arm….pretty bad scars.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
11:43 am

nothing sis just finished this powerpoint free and I am FREE! yay!!!!

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
11:45 am

Good Grief, how many burns do you have? Are they going to “bubble up?”

disco

February 15th, 2012
11:47 am

leggs – no offense taken by the question. if anything the brick wall comment gets annoying (not just from you. I hear it from others). folks seem to think you have to be what they expect “every woman” to be. I’m not. I’m different. I’m cool with it. I’ve always been a little rough around the edges. as a child it was a fight for my mother to get me in girlie clothes and she still talks about how I could put a hurting on a pair of leotards by the end of the school day. I hated skirts as a child. love skirts/dresses as an adult (something to do with being told I’ve got pretty legs so you have to work what you have). I’ve never really had a nurturing personality but I’ve always been a hardworker and responsible so I guess I’ve always had the provider personality. I’ve taken vocational assessment tests over the years and they always say the same thing. I’m suited for law enforcement, military, legal, science/research etc.

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
11:48 am

Sorry about the burns, McDerma (sp) may help with the healing process.

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:48 am

Leggs – I have a pretty significant place on my inner arm (2nd degree). It’s healed but my color has not come back. On my hands the grease splashed in different places. Those places are now healed as well but the scars remain.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
11:50 am

ok be back later folks! ;)

disco

February 15th, 2012
11:50 am

celisea – have you tried shea butter?

Celisea

February 15th, 2012
11:52 am

disco – I haven’t. Think I’ll walk down to CVS and see if they have some or at least what the pharmacist can recommend.

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
11:52 am

My comment on the brick wall was something I too was told most of my young adult life so reading you I kinda figured you probably have heard it. I too am rough around the edges, hated girly girly clothes, never wore skirts or dresses until I got into college. I’ve been guarded my entire life. Although I am now prissy and always wear skirts and dresses, I understand all that you have said.

Glad you’re comfortable in your own skin because that is all that matters! Good for you!

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
11:55 am

Disco?

dating assessment questions for ya:

what’s ur fav position

u get down on a dude

u verbalize pleasure and enjoyment when in the cut

whatc do u say when he’s doing it right? and u enjoying it No comment?

U cook

U buy birthday gifts for a dude u seeing

disco

February 15th, 2012
12:05 pm

leggs – yeah I get the guarded thing all the time too though I don’t really see that as a negative so much as good sense. if you are just wide open there’s no telling what kind of foolishness you will attract.

ex – only you. I won’t entertain all of your questions but I’ll throw you a bone. I live alone and so I don’t cook as often as I could but I do know how to cook. and by know how to cook I mean I’m a “scratch” cook. homemade mac and cheese (I get insulted when folks think a grown person is supposed to eat kraft), neckbones/black eyed peas, 7-up cakes, peach cobblers. the real. still, I don’t cook all the time. yes, I’ll buy gifts for a guy I’m seeing. I won’t go into my sex life other than to say that some guys that I haven’t ever even been involved with have joked that I’m probably even bossy in bed to which I countered you have to know what you want and you have to know how to ask for it.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
12:14 pm

Disco..that’s was good enough.

So growing up as a teenage and adult 20 to 30 ish chic,has marriage Ever been on your mind like it is on a lot of chics at that age?

disco

February 15th, 2012
12:17 pm

I didn’t really even consider marriage until mid 30s. silly me. I didn’t realize that by the time I hit my mid 30s a lot of the brothers would be played out and/or picked over.

SlimNu

February 15th, 2012
1:01 pm

Ex – I think we need to do an intervention on you…your preoccupation with sex chat gets over the top many a days. :roll:

We have no desire to know if you wack your willy on a regular basis, how many hands you use, what type of lube/jelly/vaseline/lotion you use, if you talk dirty to yourself and what you do with the clean up rag…

Willie Dynamite

February 15th, 2012
1:07 pm

Afternoon All,

On Topic – I have never ever said ILY first. I really only been in a few serious relationships where a discussion about it was even warranted. At that point it was mutual and no big deal.

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
1:19 pm

Slim?

On dating,misadventures site I thought dating and the natural extension thereof is more appropriate than talking bout some of the other stuff uall talking about.

I know by asking those questions and the answers I got, some dudes won’t approach Disco coz she don’t go down and don’t holla in bed.

Lotta dudes like the ego boost of a loud hollering lady! :lol:

Audra

February 15th, 2012
1:21 pm

Say it when you feel it, and not because of what you anticipate the other person’s response will be.

That being said, too early into the relationship is creepy! If you’ve been dating someone for three weeks and you think you love them, hold off on that b/c that’s probably lust/infatuation.

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
1:24 pm

Good Grief, Ex, your 11:55 is so out of order. Nothing new there!

SlimNu

February 15th, 2012
1:25 pm

Ex – I don’t see disco telling a dude she is newly dating, that she doesn’t speak into mics but I could be wrong. It’s not their business unless we have determined that any adult pleasuring is going to go on,

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
1:26 pm

“…some dudes won’t approach Disco coz she don’t go down and don’t holla in bed.” – how do you think they would know that type of stuff Ex. That makes absolutely no sense.